//------------------------------// // Of Thieves and Mail Ponies // Story: Ponyville's Many Shenanigans // by DashyJ //------------------------------// Ponyvilles Many Shenanigans Ch.2 As written by: Someguy987 (Or Riptide) As Edited by: InfiniteZero Some say that on nights when the wind sits still, and the clouds block the moonbeams from striking the ground, one can hear the hoofsteps, and wing flaps of a lone pegasus. Whispers contradict what this pony's intentions are, some say he is a hero and a liberator, others say that it is a thief and an anarchist, but one thing, one thing is known for certain, he's a still out there. Ditzy Doo had been assigned to work the graveyard shift at the Ponyville post office once again. "Why?" the gray mare asked herself. "Oh right, you can't even stack boxes right." The pegasus sighed, and rested her forehead against the cool grain of the countertop, as a single paraffin candle kept the darkness at bay. Nothing, and nopony ever shipped this late. *ding* Nopony. *ding-ding* None at all. *ding-ding-ding* And now she was hearing things. "Excuse me, miss," said a mare. Looking up, Ditzy saw a brown pegasus mare with a box cutie mark, and a small brown hat. "May I help, you?" "Yes, miss," the brown mare looked at the name plate, "Doo. I am from CPS." Ditzy's widened, and her heart began to race as sweat poured down her face. "Please don't take Dinky away I'm a good parent, I made sure to get a sitter, and everything. Please, please, please, please, please." "Uh," the auburn mare began, "I-I'm not from Child Protective Services, I'm from the Canterlot Parcel Service. I'm here for an overnight delivery." The CPS mare pulled out a clipboard, and got Ditzy to sign off on the documents. "Alright, it's all done, the package is outside. Good evening." With that, the brown mare took her leave. A break from the boredom had fallen into her lap, and she wasn't about to pass up the opportunity. Blowing out the lone candle, and flipping the 'open' sign to 'closed'. Ditzy walked outside, saw a nondescript brown package, read the address, and flew off into the night. The flight was long and hard, but the cool air flowing beneath her wings helped reduce the fatigue a bit. Being ahead of schedule for the moment, the gray mare set herself down at the park for a moment and took a seat on a bench, beneath a gas lamp. Closing her eyes for a moment, the delivery pegasus rested for a brief period. When she opened her eyes again she saw a whirlpool move in the corner of her vision. When she looked again, the swirl was gone, but so was the package. "Oh no," she mumbled, when she realized what had happened. A navy blue pegasus stallion with a whirlpool cutie mark, and a shock of black mane falling just above his eyes, strolled through the park around midnight, as he traveled towards his next mark, a middle-class home which he had been tipped off to by an acquaintance of his. As the stallion walked however, he noticed a strange sight to be seen, a gray mare sitting on a bench with a brown parcel set next to her. Knowing an opportunity when he saw it, the stallion carefully crouched closer to the package, wary of the light, and sound he produced. The pegasus licked his lips in eager anticipation as he drew in close to his objective. When he saw that the mare had closed her eyes, the stallion slunk towards the package, lifted it, and bolted in the opposite direction. For a second, he feared that he had been caught, and pushed himself all the harder. After a good ten minutes of running, the pegasus took to the skies, in order to deposit his loot at home. A half-hour later, package safely at home, the stallion resumed his journey. "Why do bad things always happen to you?" Ditzy asked herself as she flew around the night sky. "If the boss finds out about this, I'll be fired for sure." The mare had almost given up hope of finding the package, until she saw strange movement in the distance. As she neared the source, she could make out the vague shape of a stallion. Closer and closer she flew, nearing the mark which moved along the road. When was finally within reach, Ditzy lowered herself to the ground softly, and began to follow the mysterious stallion as quietly as she could. The gray mare mirrored the navy blue pony's hoofsteps as best she could, trying not to allow hers to fall out of sync with his at all. Suddenly he stopped and stood, not allowing a single muscle to twitch. Ditzy froze, her lungs froze, and her heart skipped a beat as the stallion began to move, and then he sneezed. Shaking his head, the pegasus continued onward. The gray mare gave a great sigh, which immediately caught the stallion's attention. As he turned, Ditzy saw the same whirlpool print on his flank as she had seen earlier. The mailmare charged the pony, punching, kicking, biting, until she managed to knock him off balance, and pin him in the dirt. "YOU!" she screamed, "you're the one who stole the box, now give it back." "W-what?" he stammered as the mare's hind leg pressed against his stallionhood. "Where is it?" she asked again as she pressed a bit harder. "I-I-I-I don't have it." A tear dripped down his eye as her leg drove deeper down. "Where did you stash it then?" More pressure. "I-I-it's at my house," he whimpered. "Go get it then," the mare demanded. "I can't," he cried. "Why not?" "Because you're standing on my dick." "Oh," Ditzy said as she realized what she had been doing, and jumped off. "Sorry." The stallion clutched at his nethers, and rocked gently back and forth. For the next several minutes, the pegasus sat there in agony, tears streaming down his muzzle. "Sheesh, now I just feel bad," Ditzy muttered to herself. "Well you should," the stallion said from his place on the floor. "Uh, what's your name? Do you need anything for... that?" "I'm Riptide," he responded weakly, "No, I'll be okay in a few minutes." "So, uh… Riptide, why did you steal the box?" "It looked nice, expensive, and I didn't think you'd try to rip my nuts off," the stallion responded as he stood up, only for another wave of pain to shoot through him. "Do you need the money, because I could probably get you a job." "No, no, I've got a job, I just wanted the challenge," Riptide replied as he tried to stand again, and succeeded. "Challenge, seriously? Why not just save yourself the trouble, and not steal?" "Yeah, I'd probably get less genital trauma that way, but I just get so damned bored sometimes. You know?" Ditzy nodded solemnly. "I was planning on returning it tomorrow anyways, I always do." Riptide took a shaky step towards the gray mare. "Tell you what, if you help me complete this job, I'll give you back your box, and swear off of thievery forever. What do you say, deal?" the stallion asked with an outstretched hoof. With a huff, the mare agreed. "Great, if we hurry, we can finish before sunrise." With a nod, the mail pony took to the sky, Riptide trailing behind her. A while later, when the two had fallen in synch and the stallion recovered a bit more, the pair found themselves standing outside the facade of a midsize single story house. "We're here," Riptide whispered. Ditzy noted how familiar the neighborhood looked, but being a mailmare, she was familiar with most of Ponyville. Carefully creeping around the perimeter of the house, Riptide snuck towards the master bedroom window. With practiced precision, the stallion slipped a feather through a crack in the window, and slowly swung it open. "Psst, gimme a boost," the navy pegasus asked. "Just fly in there," the mare retorted. "No, the flapping could wake somepony up. Just give me a boost, I'll be in and out really quick." "Fine," the mailmare sighed as she knelt down. Taking a rough step, Riptide hopped through the window. On the other side, Ditzy heard the shuffling of drawers, the rustling of fabrics, and finally the familiar flapping of wings which ushered in the return of the stallion, with a burlap sack in his teeth. "What happened to no flying?" the mare hissed. "Nopony was home, I guess they went on vacation." "So, what did you manage to nab?" "Let's get back to my place first, then I'll show you the score." With a shared nod, the pair took to the skies, Riptide leading the way back to his hideout. The flight took roughly twenty minutes, but they arrived at a decent single story home, not at all what Ditzy was expecting. Leading their way inside, the sack clenched firmly in his teeth, Riptide made his way to the kitchen. Seeing the bag be set down was more exciting than the mare cared to admit. The kitchen itself was rather small, a few pans sat drying by the sink, and several plates sat neatly in a glass case. "Alright, let's see what we got here," Riptide said with a large grin as he spilled the spoils onto the table. From the bag spilled countless pairs of socks, earrings, and panties. One pair in particular managed to catch Ditzy's eye, a pair of black lace panties embroidered with a set of bubbles on the side. "Good catch, huh?" Riptide asked lecherously. "Where's my box?" Ditzy managed to ask without grinding her teeth into dust. "Right here," the stallion said as he pulled the package he’d stolen out from beneath the table. "Whose house did you break into exactly?" "Some chick by the name of Derpy… why?" *WHAM* Ditzy had taken a pan from the rack by the sink, and struck Riptide in the head with it. As the stallion fell, the mare took her package and panties, and waltzed out of the front door. When she had finished the delivery, and returned to the office, the mailmare sighed, rested her head on the counter, and made a phone call. "Hello, I'd like to report a burglar."