//------------------------------// // Escalation // Story: My Little Pony: Enemy Unknown // by mr_stibbons //------------------------------// Rarity watched as her friends took off in Luna’s chariot with a heavy heart. I should be with them, she thought. I’m a coward, I should be by their side! I can’t fight like them, though. I would only get in the way The best thing, the right thing I can do is stay here and let them handle it. If this is the right thing to do then why do I feel so guilty? Rarity spent as long as she dared staring after her friends before they vanished over the horizon. I should get back to my work, she thought, as she turned away from her friends to trudge back to her boutique. Those dresses won’t make themselves, isn’t that right? She was all alone in front of the library. The princess had vanished, though Rarity hadn’t noticed her leave. “Rarity! Thank goodness!” squealed a familiar voice from behind her. A blur of pink fur and brown wood nearly slammed into Rarity like a comet, skidding to a stop on the other side of her. Nothing as small as being unable to walk was able to slow down Pinkie Pie if she wanted to be somewhere. She hugged Rarity with enough force to pull her into her lap, smiling like she hadn’t smiled all week. “Oh gosh, I thought I was going to be too late, I got up in the morning and my Pinkie sense went crazy! Double hoof crack, itchy back and twitch nose! It’s my ‘friends leaving on a dangerous mission’ combo. So I got here as fast as I could before you guys all left without me, which would have been really bad. But you’re here, which means that I came in time and I can go with you and it’ll be just like old times!” How quickly last week becomes old times, thought Rarity “So what are we doing? Is it a dragon? Or an ancient evil from the dawn of time? Or, oh . . . are we going to find those creepy meanie things that killed Fluttershy” Pinkies expression took up a manic intensity, at the last sentence, her mane flattening even further. “Uhmm, well-” “It is! I knew it! I knew it! Oh! When are we leaving? I have so much planned for this.” With the last sentence Pinkie’s tone of voice swerved from gleeful to downright sinister. Rarity swallowed. She hadn’t wanted to break the news to Pinkie when she first came, but, looking at Pinkies psychotic grin, she got a feeling that Luna had been right to not invite the pink mare along. “Pinkie, darling, we aren’t leaving at all” she said in her best ‘dealing with Sweetie’ voice. “What, but my Pinkie sense said-” Rarity shushed Pinkie with a hoof to her lips. “The others left twenty minutes ago. WE, being me and you, are staying here in Ponyville. You’re too hurt, and I’m . . . I’m not cut out for fighting.” “WHAT?!” shrieked Pinkie Pinkie twitched and threw her chair backwards, causing Rarity to tumble off into the dirt. She took in a series of deep gasping breaths, looking for all the world like she was about to explode. “I can’t believe that you and let everypony else think that I am useless and leave without me and maybe get hurt on a dangerous secret mission and you stayed behind and WHAT ABOUT FLUTTERSHY?!” “Pinkie dear, Fluttershy is dead.” Rarity dusted herself off and got back on her hooves “It was a tragedy, but we need to move on.” “NO!” shrieked Pinkie “You’re a horrible friend! We can’t just forget about her! I am going to make those meanies PAY and I mean it.” Pinkie sped off, only to return a few seconds later. “Rarity, which way did they go?” she demanded. “I don’t think I should tell you that” said Rarity Pinkie stared blankly at Rarity, stunned. “In fact I’ve completely forgotten, actually. So I guess you’ll have to stay home and have a, nice, calm, danger free day, just like the doctor ordered.” Rarity continued with feigned absentmindedness “That’s- that’s not fair!” blurted out Pinkie “Pinkie, you’re hurt! One of the reasons I stayed behind was to keep an eye on you.” Well, it is a reason; but it wasn’t the main one. “I know this must be hard for you, but you have to accept that sometimes there is nothing you can do to help. There is no way a mare in your condition is going on adventures. You are going to stay here in Ponyville and rest, and that is final!” “But, but-” “No buts." said Rarity firmly. "This is for your own good, Pinkie. As much as you want to help, you have to accept that sometimes the best way to help is to do nothing, and trust your friends.” I should remember that, it would be a great letter to the princess. Save it for next time Twilight gets that fidgety look on her. ”Now let’s get you home dear.” Rarity pointedly headed off towards the boutique and sugar cube corner “Wait just a minute!" said Pinkie from behind her. "I can help- I can help a ton! Let me show you. You’ll be so impressed!” “Show me wha-aak! Pinkie, where are we going?” Rarity was swept up into Pinkie’s chair before she could react. Pinkie proceeded to make the kind of trip across Ponyville that would give Scootaloo pause, taking hard corners on one wheel, swerving through panicked pedestrians, and taking a shortcut across the roof of the sofa shop. Before Rarity could even offer a squeak of protest, the chair skidded to a stop behind Sugar Cube Corner. Pinkie thrust open a cellar door and tossed Rarity down it. In defiance of logic, where a sensible pony would have put stairs, there was a smooth ramp down into the darkness of the cellar. Aaaaagh!” screamed the Rarity as she tumbled down the slide, landing on a pile of beat up mattresses. The room she was in was lacking in illumination, but she could tell it was a big room, and it stank to high heaven with the kind of chemical smell that Rarity associated with the depths of Twilight’s basement, not Pinkie Pie’s. “COMING THROUGH!!!” Rarity started to her hooves, tripped, and barely managed to avoid Pinkie’s chair slamming into the comfy cushions that she had occupied. She fell into a table in the dark, causing a terrifying clattering sound as something tumbled. Whatever it was, in bonked her on the head, before coming to rest beside her. “Rarity? Rarity, are you in here?” Pinkie struck a match, providing scant illumination to the room. Pinkie had turned several empty storage cellars for Sugar Cube Corner into some kind of crazy workshop. Rarity couldn’t see the tabletops from her current, undignified position; however in a far corner she noticed a pile of gutted fireworks, and the dissected husk of Pinkie’s party cannon. “Oh, Rarity, what are you doing lying on the ground over there?” “Pinkie!” Rarity hissed, staring daggers at her friend. “Do you have any idea whatsoever of what could have just happened?” “Umm, do you mean the whole falling onto a pile of pillows? Why would that be bad? Pillows are nice, they are soft and fluffy, perfect for sleeping, napping, and pillow fights! Actually . . .” “Pinkie I am not in the mood for a pillow fight!” The pink pony dropped the pillow she had scooped up in her hooves “You could have crushed me just now!” “No silly, I wouldn’t have hurt you, I’m nice and soft. It would just be like jumping on to Dash’s bed when she is sleeping in town. Actually it would be better because I wouldn’t be jumping onto a cloud, and I can’t walk on clouds, not without Twilight’s help.” “Pinkie, you are in a seventy pound wheelchair which is quite the opposite of nice and soft. It is decidedly not soft. At all.” After all, she is in the reinforced chair. That was a good idea, considering what Pinkie has put the poor thing through in only a week. “Oh, right,” said Pinkie, her enthusiasm momentarily dampened "Sorry Rarity. I forgot a little.” “It’s okay Pinkie.” Rarity gave an exasperated sigh “What was it that you wanted to show me?” Rarity got herself to her hooves, looking at the strange objects on the benches. “All this stuff!” exclaimed Pinkie “You see, when Fluttershy died I wanted to fight back, but those fancy laser gun thingies they had were scary. So when I thought of a way to beat them at their own game, what did I think of? Well I thought of my party cannon of course! But then I thought that, well, my party cannon is supposed to make ponies happy, and the last thing I wanted to do was make those monsters happy. And party cannons are a bit awkward to fight with anyway. So I decided to make a new cannon! One to use only on horrible, unredeemable, meanie pantses! So I took apart a couple of my old party cannons, and used some of the plumbing, with Trixie’s old fireworks for some extra bang and presto! The Pinkie Meanie Blaster mark three!” Pinkie wheeled herself towards one of the tables, picking up what Rarity recognized as small cannon made out of plumbing, duct tape and children’s toys. “Watch” Pinkie spun towards a dark, empty alcove, rested the weapon on the arm of her chair and smacked her hoof down on a button on the top. BANG! The gunshot echoed in the underground room, deafening Rarity, and blowing Pinkies wheelchair back a few inches. Several large chips flew off of the unfortunate wall that was being used as a target. With her other hoof, she pulled a small lever, back with a click clack sound, sending something small flying into the darkness. BANG! In defiance of the normal rules of firearms, the homemade gun fired off again Click clack. BANG. Click clack. BANG! Click clack. BANG! Mercifully, the gun stopped firing. “Pinkie Pie, are you okay down there?” said a panicked, matronly voice from the house above. “I’m fine Mrs. Cake” said Pinkie “Some, um, fireworks went off by accident, but it’s all fine.” “Do you need any help down there?” “Nonono, everything’s fine, you stay up there, and um, keep the twins company! Yeah, do that. They probably got really scared.” “Okay Pinkie.” came the concerned voice “Be careful down there, do you hear me?” “Yes, Mrs. Cake, Don’t worry. Careful is my middle name. Pinkie Careful Pie.” Rarity used her magic to illuminate the room again. Pinkie’s candle had fallen on the floor and got snuffed when she demonstrated the Pinkie Meanie Blaster mark three. “So can I help?” asked the pink mare “Please?” ------ That night, hours later, Pinkie Pie and Rarity were patiently sipping tea in the carousel boutique. The moment the last rays of the sun vanished behind the horizon, Princess Luna stepped out of a black void in the centre of the store. “Hi Princess Luna!" squealed Pinkie Pie "Do you remember me?” Luna's eyes narrowed as she appraised Pinkie. “Miss Rarity, Why is Pinkamena Diane Pie here?” She asked warily. "Should she not be at home-" “She’s coming with us" interrupted Rarity. "Trust me princess, she’ll be useful.” "Very well" Luna sighed, and the three mares vanished behind a cloud of darkness. ------- They reappeared in front of the gates of a broken and aging castle, somewhere out of sight of Canterlot. Vines had reclaimed the walls, and inscription on the weathered gate had been eroded past the point of decipher ability. Its structure was built on the side of a tall mountain, but unlike Canterlot, this castle was built without the aid of magical construction. Instead it maintained it's precarious position through massive stone supports embedded into the mountain. “Where is this place?” asked Rarity, shivering in the brisk mountain air. “It is a castle that I technically own." replied Luna as she telekinetically opened a small port in the main gate. "It used to be one of my favorites, but it has fallen into disuse after a thousand years. This makes it a secure location to base our campaign against these extraterrestrial interlopers. There are rooms for you, if you want to use them.” "We have rooms?" asked Pinkie. "Cool! Are they big and nice and fancy, like the ones in Canterlot? Can mine be pink?" Luna led them inside. "They will suffice for the duration of this campaign." A better question would be why we need rooms, thought Rarity. How long does Luna think this will take? A small number of servants bustled around the castle, efficiently restoring the ancient castle to livability. Cover were removed from antique furniture, moth-eaten curtains were torn down, and the accumulated dust of the centuries was removed from the halls. The servants bowed quickly to Luna as she passed, then returned to their chores. “Excuse me princess" interjected Rarity as she followed Luna through the castle "I’m not a military mare, but doesn’t this place seem a little small? And where are the guards? It doesn’t look like a place to run a war from.” This was an old castle, not just in age, but in mindset. No magical reinforcements were present, The building was held together by tons upon tons of cold, grey stone. The vaulted ceilings and sweeping arches found in modern castles were replaced by their ancient progenitors, architectural features that could care less about image and existed to keep the structure standing, even if a full grown dragon landed on the roof. This was a building that could be reopened after centuries without maintenance in less than a week. I can see why they closed this place down. It’s squat, ugly, cramped and has no aesthetically redeeming features whatsoever. Applejack would love it. And when a mare has declared war on a mysterious army of monsters, she learns to see the point of the practical mindset “Our opponents have shown a remarkable ability to predict our movements, and acquire sensitive intelligence. Any who seek out these creatures with too much success has a tendency to vanish mysteriously.” Luna led Pinkie and Rarity to an unassuming servant’s door in a lonely corner of the building and threw it open. “Therefore we must assume they are watching us. Absolute secrecy may be our only path to success in this venture.” Behind the unassuming door, the tone of the hallways changed drastically. Instead of worn stone walls and monotonous bland carpets, the new section of the castle was constructed of uniform pristine white stone. To Rarity's trained eye, the construction seemed to have been carved into solid rock by raw magic. Lines of glowing white crystal ran along the ceiling of the hallway, providing a uniform, stark, illumination. Rarity could see many branching hallways, far too many to fit in the small ancient castle they had entered. Every line of the hallways were flawless, clean lines and slightly rounded corners without the slightest mark or chip. Pinkie flew on ahead of Rarity and Luna, and after rounding a corner or three, let out a great gasp. “Pinkie, what is it?” called Rarity. Rarity dashed to keep up with the pink mare, stumbling into a large room. It was made of the same magic carved stone and contained little more than a large round conference table. This table was formal and imposing, the kind of table that existed to remind everypony sitting around it that they were discussing important matters. The top was made out of plain, polished hardwood, to resist emphatic banging at inopportune moments, and it had room seat nearly twenty ponies. Hanging above it was a large crystal sphere that could be lowered to the table. Presumably it was a focus for powerful scrying spells. Beyond it was a balcony, which looked over a vast circular chasm. The pit extended down as far as the eye could see, its depths shrouded in darkness. Alcoves of rock, cut by magic, ringed the upper levels of the pit, each as massive as the conference room. Across the seemingly bottomless pit more rooms like this one had been carved into alcoves in the rock of varying size. In the distance Rarity could see what looked like a foundry, a roomful of beds that seemed like a hospital, and another filled with books and scientific equipment. The lower levels were undeveloped, however, with many caverns shrouded in darkness or caved in on themselves. Looking up, Rarity could see the faintest hint of twinkling starlight, filtering down the tunnel “This is the reason that we love this place so much.” said Luna smugly, entering the room at a stately pace. “the entire base is built into the throat of an extinct volcano It has enough living space for five hundred ponies, including a fully functional training yard, workshops and arcane research laboratory. From the surface there is not a single sign that this redoubt even exists. It is the perfect place to conduct our campaign from.” “Hey, what’s this?” said Pinkie, picking up an envelope that had been left on the conference table. “That was not there when we left.” The envelope darted out of Pinkie’s hooves towards Luna. She started to read the inscription out loud: “‘Addressed to: Princess Luna, Rarity , and Pinkamena Diane Pie, Luna’s Secret Underground Fortress, Extinct volcano’. What in the meaning of this?” The envelope’s seal was ripped off with a violent burst of telekinesis. “It is empty. Who would send an empty envelope? And how did the envelope make it's way here?" “Hello ladies!” said the envelope, flapping in the air like a disembodied mouth. “And Luna. Its your old friend Discord here! Terribly sorry that I couldn’t come in person, I’m enjoying the tropical weather and lovely culture down south." “I thought Discord was in Canterlot helping Celestia.” Rarity said to Luna. “Oh right, you girls are unaware of my current stitch. Now you see, when I swore that I would only use my powers for good, mostly, I did mean it. Honestly, I did, down to the bottom of my soul. But the one thing Celly must have forgotten in the excitement was that I didn’t say anything about “obeying orders”. I mean, seriously, that would just be boring. Oh you should have seen the look on her face when I pointed that out. I hear it took them a week to clean all the fish out of throne room after I vamoosed. Since then, well, I’ve been traveling the globe, spreading my wonderful chaos out across the world. Seriously, you should try it. Travelling, that is. Well spreading chaos is nice too, but you should know that by now. Compared to all these other countries out here Equestria is BOORING! No wars, no democracy, no stock markets, no riots, just stupid elements of harmony. Ugh, it’s disgusting. After a thousand years in stone, then being stoneified back and forth by you ponies, a vacation really hit the spot. Just sitting back and enjoying all the lovely chaos that I didn’t even have to snap a finger to make.” Rarity gave a shocked glance at the Princess, who gritted her teeth. “I’ll explain later” whispered the princess “Anyways, I’m getting off topic," continued the floating envelope “I heard what happened to Fluttershy. I may not have kept in touch, but she did mean a lot to me. She was my first friend in, well, forever. So this is just here to say that I am firmly with you in spirit. You know with your little revenge quest, which is a major step up on the interestingness level. Just give me a call, and I’ll help out, if it isn’t too much trouble.” With that, the envelope exploded, covering Luna’s face with a sticky pink substance. “Ooh, bubble-gum!” exclaimed Pinkie Pie. She managed to lick Luna’s face clean before the night princess could protest. Luna closed her eyes, and started to breathe deeply. “Well, this is good news, isn’t it?” Rarity asked. “You might notice that we have no way to contact the fugitive chaos spirit” Luna replied. “Well, at the very least he won’t be trying to ruin all of our efforts. If we are lucky, he might actually help us.” Rarity said cheerfully Pinkie then blew out a massive bubble-gum bubble, almost as large as herself. It shaped itself into a likeness of Discord's head despite Pinkie’s best efforts to make the bubble deflate. “P.S. Your sister is going to be showing up with the rest of your friends in about , umm, sixty seconds. She really doesn’t look happy. You might want to roll out the welcome wagon.” said Discord's bubblegum head “Also, though I do firmly intend to use my powers for good, as I swore, mentioning this message to Tia might strike a nerve” The bubble then popped, but somehow all of the gum ended up back in Pinkie’s mouth. She continued chewing happily. ----- “Sister we need to talk. In private.” Celestia looked furious, perhaps not as badly as on the incident of the Want It Need It spell, but if so, only just. She had arrived with Twilight, Dash, Applejack, and a half dozen royal guards in their bright gold armor. The ponies that had gone on the mission were in a sorry state. Rainbow looked like she was going to fall asleep on her hooves; she was only standing through sheer guts. Twilight had probably been crying recently, and took each step with exaggerated care, like she no longer trusted her hooves to obey her anymore. Applejack looked the best of the bunch, though she still had a somber cast to her expression. “Of course. May I politely ask why you are talking to me like I am a little school filly?” Celestia sighed “Firstly, we should talk about sending military forces to kidnap a citizen of a foreign power. Among other things.” Celestia turned to the gathered ponies. “ Girls, head on inside, get the staff to give you some food. You all could use some rest.” Celestia’s bodyguards, politely but pointedly herded the Ponyvillians back into the dull grey castle gates. "Oh girls, you look positively dreadful! Are you alright?" asked Rarity as soon as they were inside. "We'll live, I reckon." replied Applejack. "It was a little rough." The five friends carried on through the stoney halls in silence, with only a vague sense of purpose or direction. “So, how did the trip to Caledonia go?”asked Pinkie tentatively. “Was it fun? Did you get to beat up meanie alien pantses?” “It was pretty much a complete disaster” said Dash. “It couldn’t have been that bad” replied Rarity. “You’re right” said Rainbow "If it was complete disaster we would all be dead, and you would have to design a lot more funeral outfits for Ponyville. It is nice to know that even if we do get ourselves killed out here you’ll be well off.” “Rainbow Dash, how dare you!" exclaimed Rarity "Just because I didn't go with you doesn't mean I am not still your friend.” “Really? What kind of friend abandons us when we go out to risk our lives.” Rainbow shot back. She's right, “Girls stop yer fighting,” pleaded Applejack, interposing herself between Rainbow and Rarity. “We got the professor’s notes, right Twilight? So the entire mission wasn’t a waste?” “Well. I guess . . . I haven’t really given them a look yet. But it looks complicated, lots of really precise specifications and layered enchantments, it would be really easy to make a mistake. If something did go wrong, then I don’t think that I know enough to fix it. And the professor’s proposal is big. Really big. Even if I could trust myself to finish it correctly, it will take ages for me to finish it. Even then, where would we set it up?” Twilight softly replied. “I don’t think space will be a problem. Trust me on that.” commented Rarity. “If you say so.” The friend took up residence in a drawing room, with lots of tables and couches so everypony could talk comfortably. There the tale of the ill-fated mission to Caledonia as was told by Applejack, with some help from Rainbow Dash. “ . . . then the princess showed up, after we finished our little funeral for the professor, with ah bunch ah guards and ah great big chariot. She said that it wasn’t our fault and that she’s glad we’re all okay. And then she flew us all back up here. Don’t know how she knew you’d be here, but thats the long and short of it,” finished Applejack. At the conclusion of the table, the door to the drawing room creaked open, revealing a crestfallen Princess Luna. “My sister is returning to Canterlot to deal with the Caledonian ambassadors.” she said bitterly “She sends her regards.” “Princess, are you alright? What did Celestia say?” asked Rarity Luna took a deep sigh, and lay down on the rug in the small, private room. “My sister took the opportunity to remind us of certain political facts. Namely; we are not allowed to send out guards into foreign countries without the approval of those countries, and we are definitely not allowed to get our guards into gunfights in major metropolitan areas.” “That's not fair!” exclaimed Rainbow Dash “Those aliens were trying to kill the professor. We had to go!” “That argument would be more persuasive if we could produce a living Professor. Or if any alien corpses were found at the scene of the battle. It seems our mysterious friends managed to reclaim their dead” "Wait, what?" interrupted Dash. "The Caledonian's maintain that they did not find any strange bodies at the scene of the engagement. They have also firmly denied any claims of unusual magic being involved. They say that all of the destruction was caused as the professor resisted his kidnappers." explained Luna. The room was silent as Lyna delivered that piece of news. The ponies who had been part of the "kidnapping" stood with their faces a mix of shock, outrage, and resignation. Pinkie for her part just looked confused. Are these aliens really that efficient? thought Rarity Or is the Caledonian government intentionally covering up what happens? If they are, why? “That isn’t the worst news,” fumed Luna “It seems that to maintain the diplomatic stability of the world, there were several agreements made when I returned to power. One very important detail to these agreements is that I stay within Equestria’s borders at all times, something which my sister had decided not to mention to me, until now. So, to avoid causing another “diplomatic incident”, I can’t offer any help to deal with this threat.” “What now princess? We can’t just give up!” said Dash “Yeah. I just got here!” Pinkie exclaimed. “So you are not going to get all mopey on us. We can all still help, and we can find more ponies who want to beat up the stupid evil meanie aliens,” “We will not give up. This is not the first time that Equestria has been threatened by an outside force. Not even a goddess can be everywhere at once, I never planned on fighting this war by myself. This will only be a minor setback, until I can settle things properly with my sister. Twilight, can we have the professors detection apparatus set up by the end of the week?” “Um... it- it seems like, maybe, I could, if I had some help I guess. But it would be tricky. Very very tricky.” Twilight said with a strained smile. “Twilight, I am not your teacher, I am your friend. This isn’t a test, it’s not an assignment. I’m asking for your counsel. If you think that a task is beyond your capabilities, say so. You are not a student anymore.” said Luna “Okay then." Twilight paused, staring at the carpet. “ I don’t think I’ll be able to build it. Not even in a month, with everypony’s help! It would have to be massive to be able to find the aliens anywhere in the world, and I think that this might even be above my level in magical theory. . . I’m so sorry princess.” Small tears surrounded the edges of Twilight’s eyes, as her voice broke into a sob. “I can’t do it” “Come on sugarcube, it’s okay, I’m sure we can pull it together. You just need to have a little faith in yourself, and faith in your friends" said Applejack reassuringly. “No amount of friendship is going to help!" Twilight exclaimed, jumping to her hooves. "An unfortunate scientific fact is that none of you are remotely qualified to help as anything but manual labour. So it comes down to me and Luna, and between the two of us we still won’t get this done anywhere near soon. So these horrible things are just going to prance around kidnapping and murdering ponies and there is nothing that we can do to stop them!" “Twilight, we don’t necessarily have to do everything with just the six of us. What if we had some other qualified ponies that could help?” said the princess. “Where would we find qualified ponies? We can’t exactly just put out a classified ad. Then this place wouldn’t be a secret base anymore, and if this isn’t a secret base anymore we’ll be drowning in aliens within the week. So we’re stuck with just the six of us, unless we want to be spending all our time looking looking at resumes and background checks. This, in case you hadn’t noticed, doesn’t improve our timeframe one bit,” Twilight ranted. "So does anypony have any brilliant ideas that they would like to share? because otherwise-" “Actually, I think that I might have just the thing to solve this little problem.” Interrupted Rarity with a smile on her face. --------- “Well, Rarity, I must say that I wouldn’t consider this an ordinary request” said Fancypants jovially. “Well, I’m not an ordinary mare. Still, would you consider it, as a favour to an old friend?” replied Rarity, sipping her tea as the pair of them sat on the balcony of Fancypants’ mansion. The balcony afforded it’s two occupants a commanding view over streets of Canterlot, and the sweeping vistas below the mountain city “Consider it? Rarity, my dear, I wouldn’t dream of saying no. It isn’t everyday that I get a top secret royal military contract fly onto my desk out of the blue. I was just thinking to myself a few days ago that the business side of my life had gotten too boring for my tastes. One needs a little adventure in one’s life.” “Very well then. Thirty of your most trusted engineers and researchers to be sent out to our facility, sole ability to produce any discoveries that come out of this endeavour, with the profits split sixty-forty between Pants industries and the royal coffers.” The industrialist took the quill up in his magic and emblazoned the dense contract Luna had drawn up with his signature. “Thank you so much, Fancypants. Unfortunately I have a busy schedule these days, and must be going.” Rarity finished her tea in a graceful sip, and stood up from the table “So soon? I was hoping that you would want to take a look at the new art gallery that is being opened today.” “I’m sorry, but I need to do some labour relationships. It seems that we ran out of space, and we need to solve the problem. Say hello to Fleur for me.” “Sounds dreadfully dull. Farewell Rarity.” -------- One chariot trip later, Rarity had moved from the heights of Canterlot society to the bowels of the earth. Not that it’s a problem, she thought. Frustrating and dirty as these tunnels might be, my friends are counting on me. There isn't likely to be any problems down here anyway. The inhabitants know how to properly treat a lady. A ramshackle wooden door slammed shut in front of her baring her progress through the dusty tunnels. “Go away whiny pony! We not causing any trouble!” came the panicked voice from behind the door. “Well I could go away, but I actually wanted to make you an offer,” said Rarity in her most charming salespony voice. “We are not listening! GO AWAY!!!” came an immediate reply. Rarity thought she could hear the faint sound of hammering from behind the door. “Ah well, then I guess that all of the gems that I was going to pay you will just be fed to a dragon” Said Rarity as she turned towards the tunnel she had arrived by. “It's such a pity, really, they are such brilliant gems.” She conspicuously levitated a few choice jewels where the dogs behind the door could see them. A babble of voices came out from behind the door “Wait- Gems?” “What gems?” “The pony has gems?” “The pony has gems!” The sounds of hasty barricades being demolished came from the depths of the tunnel. Several sets of doggie eyes peeked out from the cracks in the wooden door. “I’m offering all the gems that you could ever want. I just need your unique skills to do a bit of excavation and construction work.” “We are listening.” “Good. I think that we can get along splendidly. Now I need you to get yourselves, and any other dogs that you think would be interested to meet me back here in two hours.” ------ In one week the old castle had changed completely. All of the servants that were working upstairs had been transferred to other positions, and the property had been officially declared unfit for pony habitation. The facility underground, however, had become a hive of activity. “Princess Luna” said Rarity with a smile, as the night princess materialized before her one of the few underground rooms that was not magically warded. “It’s so wonderful to have you back from Canterlot. My friends are a little busy right now, so I decided to set up a little tour, so you could see what we have done with the place.” In truth, Twilight had been planning the tour all week, after Luna had announced that she would be busy with royal duties until today “Lead on, Rarity. Anything would truly be a reprieve from the recent treatment of myself at the court.” Luna sighed. “Oh! What could possible be the matter?” “My dear sister has decided that I need to be “more involved in the government.". Thusly, she has given me a host of new duties, which, for the main, consist of the most frivolous and boring committees that she could find.” complained Luna “Oh, princess, that sounds terrible!” Rarity exclaimed as the pair trotted towards the first stop on the tour. They stopped at a brand new room in the process of being hewn out of solid volcanic rock by the diamond dogs, now clad in bright yellow safety gear. Their work was supervised by a group of serious sensible ponies, led by a brown stallion with an hourglass cutie mark; Twilight hovered around the edges of both groups, nervously examining their work. Within the room a massive steel globe, easily ten meters in diameter, studded with gemstones and carved with mystic formulae was being mounted on an equally oversized gimbal. The massive piece had been made in secret in one of Fancypants’ foundries, before being carted to the base. To get in in place, a team of pegasi had lifted it to the top of the mountain, then Twilight had levitated the entire device down the central shaft of the base. “Twilight dear, the princess is here.” said Rarity Twilight squeaked, and turned around quickly. “Oh, princess, I’m so sorry, I lost track of time. As you can see, with all the help from Fancypants and our new labour force, the detection apparatus is on schedule to be finished in a few days. The only problem is its range. This device will be able to cover most of this continent, but it won’t cover anywhere else.” Twilight reported “We’ll need to set up relay stations to cover more area; thankfully they won’t have to be as large as this one.” “Even with the reduced size, international territory is something we will have difficulty obtaining.” Luna pondered aloud. “Well, I’m sure once we explain all the facts the other nations will decide to help us. It really is the only sensible course of action. Right?” said Twilight with a twinge of uncertainty Luna gave a small chuckle at that. “Oh Princess! you're back!” exclaimed an excited voice from the hallway “Pinkie Pie, what are you doing here?" asked Rarity “Well, my Pinkie sense said that an old friend had shown up, so I decided to come and see and I found you. OH! Right, you were supposed to be taking a tour of the base! We should go to my place next it’s so cool!” “We were actually hoping to talk with Twilight further, if that isn’t a problem.” said Rarity “She doesn't really have that much to tell you. They still have to set up the trickier enchantments, fix all the dents it got being dropped down the volcano, and set up the interfaces. Everything else is going fine and it’ll be done by tomorrow.” Pinkie explained. “Yeah, thats about it” said Twilight sheepishly. "Very well then. Pinkie Pie, lead on." The ponies trotted and wheeled down into the depths of the facility. Here the lighting was dimmed down to a soft orange glow, making the passages more resemble tunnels than hallways. “So miss Pie, you have been working on mass producing your inventions? As I requested?” “Not really, you see I started out trying to do that, but it got kinda boring, so I went to talk to Twilight about it. And then when I was talking to Twilight I realized that she had all of these helper ponies that were helping her plan out the big magical scanny thingy. And I was like “Idea!” If Twilight has all of these helper ponies helping her out then there was no reason that I couldn’t have helper ponies helping me out! So the I asked Twilight to borrow her helper ponies, and she was like “umm errr uumm” and I was like “Come on. It'll be fine, you have so many” and she was like “Okay Pinkie” and I was like “Yay!”. So now all of my helper ponies can make copies of my stuff and I can spend my time making new stuff!” Luna, fixed an accusatory stare on Rarity. “Don’t worry princess, I managed to talk a few extra engineers out of Fancypants, so we won’t be behind schedule” whispered Rarity “We are not made out of bits, Rarity,” the princess fumed “This is a secret project. We can’t keep this out of these foalish newspapers if we try to employ a small army. Those foolish things have the most remarkable aptitude at stumbling on state secrets, and it seems that I am not allowed to throw everypony involved in jail.” “I hope it won’t be too much of a problem?” said Rarity “No, we shall make do. I suppose I could divert some extra bits from some of Celestia’s more frivolous projects. Put my newfound responsibilities to good use." muttered Luna A heavy industrial door was thrown aside by Pinkie Pie, and the truncated royal procession entered Pinkie Pie's lair. It was a cavernous room, filled with an endless supply of strange industrial tools and haphazard workbenches. The entire area had been “Livened Up” by Pinkie Pie, a process which involved painting all the machines pink, tieing helium balloons in the air, and several murals on the wall. A common theme of Pinky’s artwork was happy smiling ponies brutally obliterating cartoon aliens with oversized firearms. HI EVERYPONY! I’m BAAACK!” The various ponies that were occupying the cavernous room jumped almost a foot in the air. There were only about a dozen engineers, scattered about a room that could easily fit scores, even with the equipment. “Oh yeah and the princess is here to take a look around. Please be friendly! She totally won’t eat you alive” There was a barely audible groan from the moon princess, as everypony present bowed deeply. “Please return to your labours, everypony. Time is of the essence.” Turning to pinkie pie, the goddess continued “Show us this “New stuff” that you have been working on, pink one.” “Okie dokie” Pinkie weaved through the controlled chaos of the workshop, to a pony sized pink door at the back of the room. Tacked to the door was a plain white note PROTOTYPING ROOM DO NOT ENTER DO NO DISTURB FOR ALL OUR SAKES V.S. Project Lead “How did this get here?” asked Pinkie, looking at the note. “Oh whatever, come on in.” The room was small and cramped, dimly lit only by a jar of glowbugs. The effect was emphasised by the piles of strange mechanical parts, childrens toys and boxes of gunpowder that occupied every available flat surface, including the floor. Pinkie rolled her way along a narrow path through the mess, to a workbench. “So, the first thing I thought was that if we are going to beat these aliens, we’ll need some way to blow up their fancy shmacy spaceships. So that is why I built this: the Saucer Buster MK1” Pinkie pulled from the piles of junk a monstrously oversized firework, clad in a metal casing “Spaceships?" asked Rarity. "Pinkie, what are you talking about? We haven’t seen any spaceships. Luna, do you know anything about spaceships?” “There have been reports of strange lights in the night sky coinciding with alien activities. " replied the princess. "Furthermore, the energy requirements of teleporting their entire force would be astronomical.” “So they do have spaceships!" exclaimed Pinkie triumphantly. “It seems likely" replied Luna. “See Rarity, I was right! Anyway this thing works like a great big firework, except you can have a pegasus carry it. Then the pegasus lights it and drops it and the saucerbuster mark 1 goes FWOOSH and the BOOM” Pinkie helpfully demonstrated the procedure by playing with the rocket like it was toy airplane. “Wow, that looks really useful.” Rarity lied “Do you have anything else to show us” Preferably a demonstration that won’t blow us all sky high. “Oh yeah” Pinkie wheeled her chair in a circle, and set off down a new path through the junk to a small closet. “I left it somewhere in here” muttered Pinkie as she rummaged through closet. There was a storm of clattering sounds from the closet followed by a small explosion. “PINKIE” shouted Rarity stumbling through the junk strewn across the floor. Oh please oh please don’t have hurt yourself! “Are you ok?” “I’m ok” mumbled Pinkie woozily, her chair slowly drifting out of the closet. Her hair was covered in black soot and spiked violently in every direction “I think that one might need to be going back to the drawing board thingy. Less boom, longer timer. Also needs to be better at blowing up meanies” Luna telekinetically lifted Pinkie, chair and all, and moved her towards the door. “Well it seems that the next stop on this tour of fun will be the physician’s chambers.” she laughed. “Come along Rarity.” ------ “Alright everypony! I present to you the inaugural activation of the Loom Ice Alien Detector Mark Two! And you know what this means...” Pinkie’s eyes gleamed with enthusiasm as she surveyed the crowd of ponies and diamond dogs. “Party time!” Confetti blasted over the crowd, and music blared from the speakers. The forty or so ponies and many more diamond dogs that made up Princess Luna’s special alien hunting task force were ready to relax and blow off steam after a long week. “Hey Twi, What does this little green light mean?” asked Applejack “Oh, that means that we have detected an alien energy signature. . . . Wait, shouldn't there be an alarm going off now?” Applejack jumped on the table and hollered as loud as she could “PARTY’S OVER EVERYPONY. WE GOT ALIENS”