//------------------------------// // Ch. 3 - I Don't Need No DAMN Hospital! Just Ignore the Bleeding! // Story: Bad Company // by Symphony //------------------------------// I have no idea of how long I was out, or where the hell I was. The first thing to come to my senses was the stinging smell of animals and shit. I wrinkled my nose in disgust and groaned. As my hearing started returning gradually, I heard a few voices a bit away from me. One of the voices belonged to Twilight, but I decided to just listen in to what they were saying. ”This is what I meant, Twilight! Just when you let him out of your sight, he runs off and picks a fight with somepony!” Some posh voice whined. Twilight tried to say something, but the other voice just continued her rant. Bitch. ”It's not safe for you to have him in the library, who knows what he will do next? He wasn't exactly a saint the last time he came to Ponyville!” Oh would she just shut the fuck up already... ”Um... Rarity, you have to quiet down a bit... You're scaring my animals with your shouting...” A new voice spoke. This one was a lot quieter and softer. ”I'm sorry, Fluttershy. I have to leave and pick up Sweetie Belle from school now anyway. I'll see you... Three later.” The sounds of hooves on hard floor and a door opening and closing ran through the room. A dejected sigh came from what I guessed to be Twilight. ”I know that you're just trying to help him, Twilight... But... She's right on a few things. The things he did the last time are hard to forget, after all..” Damn, that would follow me for my entire time here... And from what I've experienced so far, the ponies weren't really the forgiving kind... I sat up and rubbed my eyes and an alarmed squeak sounded. I shrugged it off as I rolled my shoulders. I looked down at Twilight who was frowning, and behind her was the yellow wingy-pony from the bakery. ”What were you thinking when you picked a fight with Carrot Cake, huh?” Twilight got right up in my face, pressing her nose toward mine. Oh come on? You really thought I would let a opportunity like this slide by? Ha! With a massive shit-eating grin, I spoke up. ”Well, well, Twilight... If you wanted to get this close, why didn't you buy me dinner first?” I had to hold back a laugh as she shot away from me and sputtered a few nonsensical words. A 'pomf' sound came and I looked up to see the wingy-pony trying to force her wings back down. ”Oh relax, would you Twilight?” I laughed. ”I wasn't serious when I said that, and the fight happened because he threw a cup in my face and was giving me dirty looks the entire time I was in there... AND he threw a few rocks in my head the last time I was here.” ”You beat him to a bloody pulp in front of his children!” Twilight countered. ”Oh... Oh crap... Well I didn't...” I scratched the back of my head. ”Hell, I didn't know that there were kids watching us go at it...” ”See? You should have been a bit more careful a-” ”If I knew that there were kids in there I would have taken it outside.” I shrugged as I stretched my back and rolled my shoulders. Twilight's right eye twitched furiously. I decided to lay off her for the moment and took a quick look around. ”You know... It's a custom that the ones who pass out after a brawl get taken to a hospital... So uh... Where... Am I exactly?” ”We decided to take you to Fluttershy's cabin instead of the hospital. Fluttershy knows animals as a veterinarian and caretaker, so we assumed that she would be our best option.” Twilight still held her glare directed toward me. ”But I'm a sapient being! Not a cat or any other stupid animal! I can talk, think and do stuff because of my superior brain!” I exclaimed. Twilight shook her head and turned away from me. ”We should get going... Thanks for your help, Fluttershy.” She smiled at her friend, but her expression soured as she turned to me. ”You. Follow. Now.” Geez, some ponies... Can't take a few jokes without turning into a massive cunt in the aftermath... ”You know, you would be a lot more pleasant to be around if you wouldn't take everything so seriously all the time. Lighten up a bit!” I exclaimed with my arms held wide as we crossed a bridge outside the building. ”Well, maybe if you would be serious for once I wouldn't be so high-strung all the time!” She countered with her voice raised. ”Things would go much smoother if you would just be quiet and help me when I ask for it. Currently we are researching dimensional doorways so you might have a way home eventually... So please be patient and stop being such an... ass all the time!” She glared at me. I took a step back and sighed. ”I'm sorry...” I shoved my hands down my pockets and kicked the ground, creating a small cloud of dust. ”I'm gonna be honest with you for a minute now...” She stopped and turned back to me. I bit my lip and locked her gaze to mine. ”I'm... terrified of the fact that I probably won't be able to go home again... And if I do get home, how much time would have passed? How would they react to me coming back home after being gone for months, maybe even years?” I trudged past Twilight. ”I keep making jokes and pulling pranks so I can have a laugh instead of worrying and getting depressed because of my own paranoia and fear... I'd rather attempt to laugh and have fun rather than become a shell and retract to be with myself. And this town? Ponies hate me. I can't walk around alone, because when we walked to the Sugarcube Corner earlier today, I saw a mob starting to form...” Twilight gasped. ”They only backed off when they saw you next to me.” I shrugged. ”Let's just head back to the library, okay?” Twilight nodded. ”Hang on, if you don't want to walk through town again, I can teleport us to the library. Are you ready?” ”Wait, wha-” *TELEPORTATION SOUND EFFECT NOISE STUFF KA-FLASH* ”Please... Warn me... Next time...” I huffed and leaned toward the nearest wall. I held a hand to my head as I composed my brain. Twilight giggled at my reaction beside me, and I glared at her. ”This isn't funny.” ”To me it is.” Twilight smirked. ”Now, I have to go and study upstairs for a while. You can probably find something to do in the library on your own.” ”Actually... I was thinking about writing a letter to the princess regarding some stuff... You got a pen or something?” I rubbed the back of my head. Twilight grinned. ”Writing to princess Celestia about what you've learned today?!” She exclaimed. Her horn glowed and a piece of parchment and an inkwell, along with a quill appeared beside her. ”Riiight...” I arched an eyebrow and grabbed the things from her. ”Just give it to Spike later and he'll send it to her for you.” She said as she walked up the stairs I thanked her and walked into the kitchen and sat by the table. I stared at the quill for a few moments, until I shrugged and started writing. 'Yo Sunbutt, It's Jay here from Horsetown, or whatever the damn place was called. Anyway, I know that this might be a bit sudden, after me just coming here and all, but I felt like I needed to adress this ASAP. I want some money so I can get a place of my own. Since I am a guest from another dimension. (Can I be a diplomat by the way?) I feel like it would be in our best interests if that would happen. Also because I can't go anywhere on my own without being stoned. The bad kind of stoned as well. So yeah. Bye and stuff, I guess. I could leave some kind words here, but I decided not to. Cheers, Jay' I cringed at my terrible handwriting as I rolled up the parchment and took a look around the library for the little lizard thing. I found him in one of the backrooms. ”Hey Spike,” he jumped as I adressed him ”would you mind sending this off to Celestia?” ”Uh... Sure.” I gave him the parchment. He unfurled it and read it. He looked up at me like I was insane. ”Really?” He asked with a single raised eyebrow. ”Yes, really... C'mon, get on with it. I don't have all day.” I tapped a foot to the floor impatiently. He rolled his eyes and opened a window close to him. He took a deep breath, and.. blew fire on it?! ”Dude! What the fuck?” I exclaimed. The burning parchment became a sparkling, purple mist which slithered out through the open window toward some mountain with a big-ass castle on it. ”I... sent it to princess Celestia like you asked me to...” Oh, magic. Right. It kinda slipped my mind there for a bit. A few minutes passed, and Spike's cheeks bulged. I prepared myself to take a step back if some alien would burst out of him. Precautions, y'know... A gout of green fire came along with a loud burp that was actually pretty impressive. I gave him a pat on the back as I picked up the parchment with my other hand, then unfurled it. 'Dear Jay, No, and no. You can have ONE bit to buy a lottery ticket or something. Get a job, and while you're at it, get a haircut. You look silly. Regards, Princess Celestia of Equestria' Well played, sunbutt... Well played. I took a deep breath to calm down, and another burp came from Spike, but this time a single golden coin dropped on the floor in front of him. I gritted my teeth and picked up Spike in the biggest spine on his head. ”You're coming with me...” ”Twilight! Help!” He shouted. I covered his mouth with my free hand after pocketing the coin. I kicked the door open and stomped outside. -10 minutes later- ”Aren't you gonna... Y'know, do anything with it?” Spike asked impatiently. I bit my lip and stared at the ticket in my hand. I took a deep breath and started scraping off the first layer. After everything was cleared, I just stared at the piece of whatever it is made of in confusion. It... just looked like badly made squiggly lines with dots here and there. Since I couldn't make sense of whatever the hell was on it, I handed it over to Spike with a sheepish grin. He grabbed it from me with a roll of his eyes. His eyes nearly tripled in size and his pupils became pinpricks. ”Dude...” He squeaked out. ”I'm not entirely sure, but if I read this right, you just won a million bits...” … wat ”*We interupt this broadcast because of technical difficulties due to the protagonist's brain shutting down from shock.*”