//------------------------------//
// Camper-Ham 
// Story: Happy Campers 
// by Okhlahoma Beat-Down 
//------------------------------//

To the confusion of everybody/everybot inside the carriage, through the door came a sight Sniper and Engineer had seen when the Quick-Fix broke it's Übercharge function due to Heavy using it to kill several hundred BLU Soldiers. A white light shone and robotic doves flew out from behind a mechanical recreation of Medic. However, instead of having legs, like one might assume to be sensible when designing a robot, instead there was a single wheel holding the machine up. Behind, the usual Medi-Gun charge-backpack was replaced by what Engineer recognised as a D-876 Dry Fuel Power Creator, hooked up to a Mann Co. Medi-Gun being grasped, if not welded, to the machine's titanium-chrome gauntlets.
Sniper could easily make out that the machine was probably the most stupid thing he'd seen all day. It was a robotic recreation of a German that never stopped shouting things nobody could understand, with a plane wheel instead of legs, and on its back it had an oversized car engine, sellotaped to a rubber tube that was attached to something that looked terribly unsafe. Plus, it was BLU. He was surprised he hadn't killed the robot of him and Robo-Demopan, because they were BLU as well.
"Jawohl!" beeped the Medi-Bot, squeaking in on its single wheel and dropping low near the at-peace looking Princess Luna. Her tongue was hung out of her mouth, drooling on the floor with a stupid expression on her face. Meanwhile, her eyes were looking up to her horn, lower eyelid twitching as she emitted quiet moaning sounds. The 'Medic' stared at this blankly, before looking quickly at Engineer. "Engi!"
The Texan looked back at the robot emotionlessly. "What?" he grunted. Medic put a hand out, and pointed at a spot on the floor.
"Dispenser goes here." replied the Medic. The robot and the Texan stared at each other for a few seconds.
"Nope." Engineer said firmly, folding his arms. The robot beside the drooling pony got up to full height.
"Ja."
"Nope."
"Ja."
"Nope."
"Ja."
"Heck no."
"Nein."
"Alrighty then!"
"Horrido!" As it was instinct, Engineer reached into a compartment on his tool belt and pulled out a device different to the usual PDA. Instead of a keypad, on switch, and small screen, it had one large, tempting red button, a large screen displaying the word 'BOOM!' and an antennae. Whenever Engineer pressed the button, a building he had built would explode into a shower of steel, making it easier than running around looking for them and much less embarassing than having a Spy sap it.
"Do it, mate." Sniper said, putting a hand on Engineer's shoulder. "They'll find it down there, and fiddle with it. Don't want them little fruits findin' it and messin' with your stuff, mate." Engineer nodded, and pressed the button with his left finger. A distant clattering sounded from the outside, in what they assumed was the library basement. Panicked yells could be heard from outside, as well as plenty of hooves cantering towards the building. That meant the guards were occupied, Sniper thought.
Next, the Texan put that PDA away, and pulled out the Construction PDA. Entering the code for Dispenser, he grabbed to toolbox before it landed on the unconcious Princess, turned to his right, and threw the box on the floor. As it began to open and assemble itself, Engineer looked into his pocket. "Half my metal's gone, pardner." he muttered. "Darn." Sniper sighed loudly.
"Why's everythin' always so bloody difficult...?" grumbled the Australian, putting a hand to his forehead and raising his hat slightly as he rubbed the stressed head. "Can't bloody go 'ome, me mum and dad are probably callin' the company to find out where I am, and I want to gut everythin' BLU in this world."
"Steady on, pardner." Engineer chuckled, shaking Sniper's shoulder playfully. "We're in trouble 'cause I cracked this here Missy in the noggin. We don't wanna be executed 'cause you gutted her with a rusty machete. We'll find some way outta this, don't you worry." At that very moment, the Dispenser was up and running, as the rejuvenating effect that comes with healing kicked in.
"Danke, meine hard-hatted freunde." Medic cut in, wheeling in front of the device. It had no effect on the machine, except that it kept it amused. And, to make the act seem even more aimless, the Medic turned wheel, pointed the Medi-Gun at the Princess, and began to heal her. Engineer facepalmed with his left hand, as the Gunslinger underneath the rubber glove on his right hand would have seriously hurt, if not smashed, his face. To be honest with himself, he wished he'd done that long ago.



"Demopan?" asked the Af-Robot (See what I did there?), still in its usual ready position with pan raised. It now had a small dent from where he had bashed Princess Luna in the face. It was a good question, actually; was there just him, Sniper-Bot, Meem-dic, and the army of Spycrabs, or were there more?
"Ok, mate." Sniper-Bot replied. Demopan agreed 100%. There probably was a few that fell off the construction line. If the robot's audio sensors were up slightly higher, he would have heard the sound of random muffled yelling coming from the other side of the town.



"Mmph?" asked the first Pyrobot. He looked over to his right, optical sensors picking out the 'Last Breath' head of the other Pyrobot, and his fantastic, supposedly 'rare' military beret atop that. His memory sensors told him that they had both fallen off the assembly line and into the 'bottomless pit' below the factory. Fortunately, a whole cart-load of 'Mann Co.' hats and weapons that were due to be duplicated fell down as well, so at least they wouldn't be helpless. The robot beside him looked back at him, and put a thumb up.
"Mmhmm." replied his Ro-Bro. This robot, with the 'Deus Specs' lenses over the usually black eye sockets on the 'Last Breath', could see no problems with that plan: walk into the middle of the town, get the attention of some locals, and then earn their trust. It would be easy! Everyone loves two robots that look the same, except one has a skull for a head that has golden eyes and a beret, and the other one wearing a bird-cage on its head!
"Mmph mm." said the Cage-Bot.
"Mm." replied the Deus Bot. With that, the pair charged into the town, waving around their traffic lights to show to the locals, before demonstrating their USB launchers that counted kills and their especially technical Binary Throwers that sprayed '1's and '0's everywhere. They were definitely those things, and not, say, Mann Co. weapons that were too dangerous to use by the terms of the Geneva Convention.



"Princess," whispered Crimson Quill as Celestia and Twilight moved to the carriage, followed by a small contingent of guards, "Are you sure this is safe?"
"Yes, assertive." Twilight replied, leaning her neck to him. "There's guards in there, all overlooked by the goddess of Night. If I know Luna, she'll most likely be holding the two as they cry in apology." The young Princess held her head high and smiled as they reached the door to the prison carriage. From outside, they could hear chugging, and talking, a sign that the humans were being visited by their robot companions.
"Now, shall we see how Luna is doing." Celestia beamed. Her guards saluted, opened the door, and allowed both Princesses to stroll in. "Sister, how are the interrogations coming along?"
No answer, just chugging.
"Sister?" Celestia opened her eyes, to see that the 'Demopan' was now in her face. She reeled back in shock, and almost fired a burst at the thing, before calming down. "Erm...good afternoon, Mr Pan...?"
Rather than make conversation, the robot got to what was important. "Stout Shako for two refined." The robot declared, offering out a hand. In his hand was a military drummers' hat, red and with a gleaming gold badge on the front. Its other hand, however, was also outstretched, in the universal sign of wanting something in return. Celestia looked at this, and thought. Refined...clothing...jewels...metal? Her mind stuck on this, and she had an idea. Magically, she pulled off her golden shoes from her back hooves, and placed them in the hand of the robot.
"Thanks, mate!" Demopan said cheerily, before reaching up and putting the Shako on Celestia's head. The hat made the Alicorn seem even taller than she already was. The robot promptly put the metal into its storage compartment in its posterior.
"Certainly." Celestia beamed back. She admitted it to herself: the Shako looked quite nice, and was comfortable. She might wear it around some time. "Now then, Mr Pan, have you seen my sister?"
"Aye!" replied the robot. He casually gestured to a hole in the wall using his pan, that had clearly been in his hand the whole time. Around the edges of the hole, there was still-hot metal, implying that something had burned its way through. Around the carriage, the humans, and Luna, were nowhere to be seen. Celestia and Twilight gasped, quickly running to the melted hole.
"Princess, what happened?" Twilight asked, before receiving a look from her mentor.
"Like I know." Celestia groaned, before examining the hole further. She looked towards the bottom, and a steel, melted pair of legs could be seen. Lying next to them was a scorched piece of steel, bearing a metallic suit and tie. She groaned. "Whatever this was killed a Spycrab, and helped the humans escape..." However, just as she began to walk away, she noticed a set of imprints in the floor. More accurately, several sets. They all led away towards the town centre, intertwining where the humans and their helpers had moved in a group.
"Should I get the guards?" Twilight snapped Celestia out of her stupor.
"Hmm...no, let's go alone. It's been a while since I last had a good adventure, so why not explore alone?" Celestia smirked bravely. "Race you?" Twilight was taken aback.
"Umm...well, I, uh, don't know...err...OK?" stuttered the purple Princess, taking up a loosely prepared position. Celestia adopted a more athletic stance.
"Well, let's see if my age has slowed me down like they say!" Celestia laughed. "Three, two, one, go!" Before Twilight could react, Celestia was off like a rocket, galloping across the town and leaving a smoking trail where she had been. The young Princess shook her head and grinned, before taking off at a slightly less blistering speed.
Behind them, Demopan was still stood in a ready position, looking at the direction the pair took to wherever those two new robots went with Sniper, Sniper, Medic, and Engineer.
"Demo...pan...?" he asked confusedly, before running after them, much to the terror of the ponies that had been nearby when a metal creature ran out of a carriage carrying a frying pan and wearing shutter glasses with an afro.