We failed
That's the only thought I had the entire way back to Ponyville. Discord had done something to Rainbow Dash and made her fly off, violating his no flying rule. He then proceeded to teleport everyone back to the outskirts of Ponyville, where all hell had truly broken loose. Buildings were flying around and...and I can't even list all the crap that was wrong. But I did know one thing, something was wrong with my friends.
"Captain, have you noticed something...different...about our friends?" Twilight asked
CLUNK
"Watch were you're going" Fluttershy hissed as she flew past, smacking me in the head
"It might have occurred to me" I replied sarcastically as rubbed the back of my head "So what's the plan?"
"Well, we still need to find the Elements of Harmony"
"Any idea where they are" I asked as I checked the computer on my arm "'cause I can't get a lock on them"
"Well, what did Discord say?"
I played back the audio of Discord's 'hint'.
"We tried the 'Twists and turns' part..."
"Captain, I believe I have found something" Guardian reported
"Go ahead" I said as I patched him through my speakers
"An odd energy signature appeared shortly after Discord appeared. The odd part is it is centralized within the Suspended Animation Chamber"
"I'll check it out" I replied turning back to the ponies "Twilight, you and the others head back to the Library. I'll meet you there once I sort this out"
"Why? Who made you leader?" Pinkie Pie snapped
I've had about enough of this.
"Because if you don't, I'll just knock you unconscious and make Twilight drag you there. Clear?"
The five ponies split off from me en route to the library as I made my way back to base and to the Chamber. I synced my computer to the controls and released the lock. A hiss of air and hydraulic humming accompanied the rising columns that had once supported me, but now were supporting the jewels known as the Elements of Harmony.
"So they were never in the maze to begin with"
"Upon further analysis of Discord's 'hint', this is actually the most sensible place to hide them, given that this is the place 'where it all began'"
"Why didn't WE think of that?" I groaned as I retrieved the elements
"Good luck Captain" Firestorm added as I dashed out the door with the relics. Now I just had to get the others to cooperate long enough to use them.
A few minutes later I burst into the Library, but the scene before me was chaos (I know, weird, right?). Twilight and Spike were frantically trying to get the others to stop harassing each other, but it was not going well: Fluttershy was inciting everyone, with Pinkie overreacting to everything, and all the while, Applejack and Rarity were fighting over the rock.
That's it
I drew my sidearm and fired into the air, getting everyone's attention.
"WILL YOU ALL JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!?" I howled
"Why should we?" Fluttershy challenged as she hovered in front of me "It's not like you'll actually do anything"
My arm acted on its own. In an instant, I had Fluttershy's throat in my hand and had drew her in so we were face to face.
"I am only going to say this once: if I have to deal with your flip, smartass attitude for too much longer, the only thing that will be left of you is a thin layer of red on the wall. Do I make myself clear, Ms. Shy?"
"Captain, let her go!" Twilight said in panic. I released my grip and the Pegasus fell to the floor, gasping for breath.
"Anyone else wanna fuck with me?" I challenged. No response aside from wide-eyed stares.
"I didn't think so. Now..." I continued as I presented the Elements of Harmony "get your Element so we can finish this"
Intimidated by my outburst, each complied.
"What should we do with Loyalty, Dash isn't here" Spike asked
Twilight grabbed the ruby necklace and clipped it to the small dragon.
"There, you get to be Rainbow Dash" she declared as she walked to the door. Spike began mumbling something about impersonating Rainbow Dash, but I was too pissed to care.
After we all exited the Library (and watched as Twilight bashed Rarity's precious rock through the wall) we were ready to stop Discord.
"Now we just have to find Discord"
Poof
"You rang?" a sarcastic voice said
"Well that was easy" I added as we all took our positions.
"It's over Discord, we have the Elements now" Twilight declared
"True, you did manage to find the Elements of Harmony,but I assure you, this is far from over" Discord replied as he leaned against a tree and conjured a bulls-eye on his chest "Go ahead, take your best shot"
Twilight then activated the Elements causing all of us to float into the air.
Lapatron Cannon Charging Reported my weapon systems. The plates over my chest retracted showing the gear had begun to glow and spin.
Cannon Charge at 20% Po_WARNING: CATASTROPHIC SYSTEM FAILURE DETECTED. Initiating safeguard
My core suddenly went dark and the gear locked up as the failsafe kicked in, cutting all feeds to and from the crystal battery. Each of the Elements suffered a similar malfunction, resulting in all of us falling onto the ground.
"Well, now that that's taken care of, I have some Chaos to spread, ta ta" Discord taunted as he poofed away
"Wha...What happened, why didn't the elements work?" Twilight asked as she picked herself up
"Mine's workin'" Applejack said "yours must be broken or somethin'"
"I bet it was Archangel's fault" Pinkie said as she pointed at me accusingly "He's the soldier. He's suppose to handle this"
"THAT IS IT!" I roared in anger "I have had ENOUGH of this bullshit. If all we're going to do is argue and fight, then I don't need to be friends with any of you"
"My thoughts exactly" Fluttershy added as she threw her necklace on the ground. Each pony followed suit, tossing their necklace into the pile.
"MINE!" Rarity exclaimed as she snatched the jewelry
"No, stop!" Twilight pleaded "This is exactly what he wants!"
"Don't you get it?" I said "We LOST! In case you didn't notice, the only 'Defenders of Harmony' are a lying redneck, a paranoid mental patient, a kleptomanic drama queen, a traitor who is nowhere to be found, and an obnoxious bitch...you know what, forget it. I don't even know why I'm still talking to you ponies, it's not like you even care. All you wanted was a big gun to point at whatever you don't like, but no more..."
I released the lock that held the Gear in my chest and threw it down on the ground.
"You can keep your damn 'Element of Harmony' because I don't need it and I sure as hell don't need any of you"
Each pony said something along the lines of 'I never want to see you again' and left, me included, leaving a stunned Twilight and Spike in our wake.