//------------------------------//
// Mystery on the Brightly-Colored Train 
// Story: The Twilight Child 
// by Detectivefish 
//------------------------------//

There was light. Bright and pleasant, and with a free calming breeze thrown in for good measure. There was the sound of somepony familiar giggling behind him.
"Wh... whut time 'ss?" he groaned. He could practically feel the smile being aimed at him.

"Time somepony got up."
There was a rustling, and the pleasant blanket of warmness was taken from him, the sudden change in temperature jolting him fully awake.

"Cadance!" he said, or more accurately yelped. He tried glowering at the mischevious grin on her face as the bed cover floated next to her. It didn't last.
"Come on," she grinned, "Up and at 'em, Captain Armor."

"Yes, ma'am" Shining Armor said, grinning back as he gave a mildly childish salute.
"Your Highness" she corrected him, though her attempt at a prim attitude quickly broke down.

"Yes, Your Highness, ma'am" he smirked, as he walked towards the adjacent washroom.
As the two eat breakfast, Cadance noticed Shining Armor was staring at him.

"What?" she asked, "Is there something on my face?"
"No," Shining Armor said, "Just thinking how much I love you."

He went back to his breakfast, but after a few seconds looked up at her. "Have I said that lately?"
"You said it about twenty-seven times last night," Cadance said, after pretending to give it some thought, "Excluding the times you repeated yourself."

There were a few seconds of mutual grins, before they went back to eating. Eventually, Shining Armor got up and headed towards the door. There was a small cough, and he turned to see Cadance holding his helmet.
"Forget something?" she smiled. He rushed over to her and quickly picked up the helmet, before Cadance embraced him.

"Cadance, what would I do without you?" he said, before rushing off. Cadance stood there, her mouth hanging open in shock.
Shining Armor skidded as his brain caught up to the rest of him halfway to the door, before whipping around, rushing back over to Cadance and kissing her.

"Just look after yourself out there, you" she grinned, "And remember to write that letter to your sister."
"I will" Shining Armor said.

"You promised."
"I did."

"I mean it about looking after yourself" she said, as she gently pushed him toward the door.
"Love you" he said, as she closed the door behind him. She leaned against it, and tried not to grin as she heard him give a contented sigh, before setting off to work.

She, meanwhile, was going to have coffee. She hadn't gotten much sleep. She was too excited. She had a wedding with the most brilliant stallion in the world to plan. And she couldn't wait to see Twilight Sparkle again.
It was going to be perfect.


*****


"Well?" Pinkie Pie beamed giddily, "What do you think? What do you say?"
Twilight Twinkle stared at it. Truly, it was a work of art. It was a piece of the divine, which had been skillfully molded and shaped, not so much baked as forged. In its shadow, Twinkle knew, to her heart of hearts, that only a true poet could possibly describe the radiant beauty of what had been unveiled before her, and that all other cakes would forever more seem like ashen nothings. It was beautiful, mesmerising, tantalisingly tasty and alluringly forbidden. How did one express the glory of this creation in mere words?

The answer was that one didn't.
"Cake" Twinkle uttered, pointing a hoof for good measure. Pinkie stared at her in concern.

"Are you alright?" she asked. Twinkle scanned her statement. In hindsight, it did perhaps need some improvement.
"Big cake" Twinkle said. Somewhere deep in her mind, serious questions were being asked as to where her rationality was gone, with some serious investigations towards the metaphorical fire exit. To be fair, however, it was an incredibly large, beautifully made cake. Perhaps even majestic...

"It's beautiful" Applejack said, turning towards Big Macintosh, who was looking awfully concerned, though this might have had something to do with the fact that he'd been told he had to carry said cake all the way from Sugarcube Corner to the train station.

"Really big" he said, a very noticable amount of concern in his voice.
"What's... it called?" Applejack asked, still staring at it.

"Lord of All Cakes? King of the Pastries? Shkle Whose Frosting Shatters Taste Buds?" Twinkle asked, her sense of poetry still alive and kicking, and in fact working overtime at the moment.
Pinkie just stared at Twinkle for a second, before shaking her head. "Nope. It's called..." she took a deep breath. She held a deep breath. Seconds passed

"Pinkie?" Applejack asked. The mare stared at her.
"Oh!" she said, apparently having forgotten she was the one who was informing them "It's called... Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness."

She paused, frowned, muttered something under her breath and nodded. "Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness" she said again. For an instant, it looked like the cake was glowing etherally. Pinkie Pie turned to the Cakes.
"You've really outdone yourselves, Mr and Mrs Cake" she grinned, to which the two smiled, "This is sure to be the winning entry of this year's National Dessert Competition."

"And now I know why there are no cakeries in Canterlot" Twinkle said to herself, as she lifted the cake onto Big Macintosh's back. Even for her usual skill with lifting heavy objects, it felt like it weight a metric ton. There was a pained gasp from Big Macintosh as she gently lowered it onto his back. Or perhaps she was simply not worthy enough to lift it. Yes, that seemed far more sensible.

"You okay?" Applejack asked, to which her big brother nodded, his eyes shifting towards his hind quarters, his legs noticably straining. As she saw this, Twinkle questioned it, considering she'd witnessed him pulling a house behind him while hopping, and began to wonder as to what was in the cake, exactly. She began to wonder a lot.

"Beg pardon," she heard Applejack say, "But, could we maybe move things along? This cake here's a mite heavy, ain't it Big Macintosh?"
The stallion gave out a strained "Eyup"

"Alrighty then," Pinkie Pie beamed, as she carefully placed a hard-hat on her head, "To the train depot!"
Big Macintosh slowly nodded, and started to move at a snail's pace. All eyes were on the cake, as everypony held their breath.

"That's it, Big Mac," Pinkie Pie said, slowly walking backward in front of the stallion, "Nice and slow. This is a precious cargo we're carrying"
They made their way outside, and Twinkle noticed the entire street had been blocked off with security barriers, while in the sky Ponyville's weather team hovered cautiously, protecting the cake from any potential sky-borne threat, such as a pidgeon. One Cloud Kicker had apparently shown a bit too much zeal in the task of shooing pidgeons away, Twinkle would later discover.

'How in the world have I found myself playing bodyguard to a cake?' Twinkle asked herself, thinking on this for a moment.
The answer was because Pinkie Pie had asked her to the other day. Or rather, Pinkie Pie had asked everypony in the room, and nopony had contradicted her. It was that manic cheerfulness Pinkie Pie had, and no matter how hard you tried, in the end you would always get swept up in it sooner or later. And you'd never regret it.

There was a sudden gasp from the Cakes as Big MacIntosh stumbled. The cake wobbled, though fortunately it remained balanced.
"Don't worry, Mr and Mrs Cake!" Pinkie Pie declared, before calling out. "Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, a little pegasssistance."

At this, the two mares swooped down, both with rope twined around their barrels, before tying the spare ends around the handle of the plate that the cake had been balanced upon. Behind Twinkle there was the sound of a pony collapsing.
"I'll get it there safely," Pinkie Pie said, "You'll see."

This didn't seem to be much comfort to Mister Cake, as the stallion picked himself up off the ground. Mrs. Cake meanwhile, laughed nervously.
"Of course, Pinkie" she said, her eyes glued to the cake.

"We never doubted you" her husband added.
A thought occured to Twinkle, "Pinkie, you want Twilight and I should-"

"Use some kinda protective spell to protect the cake? Good idea. Glad I thought of it" Pinkie said.
"Better safe than sorry," she added, as both Twilight and Twinkle cast a spell over the cake. There was the sound of Mister Cake falling over again.

"Applejack, Rarity" Pinkie Pie called out. The remaining two mares appeared with a trampoline.
"A trampoline?!" Twilight asked, "Really? I don't even know how many health and safety guidlines that's breaking."

"Alright, everypony, we're in the home stretch here" Pinkie smiled, as they approached the platform. She looked toward the Cakes.
"See? I got it here without a hitch!" she said, utterly ignoring Big MacIntosh's obvious straining. Meanwhile, some part of her mind was going by the assumption that the pony's love-potion induced behaviour had somehow rendered him capable of pulling the house behind him by not knowing it was impossible.

"Now all we need to do is get it... in?" Pinkie Pie said, noticing the doors were too small and too low for the cake to possibly fit. There was the sound of Mister Cake fainting once more.
Pinkie Pie's expression became a strange mixture of smile and frown. She looked at the cake, then the door, then back to the cake, then back to the door.

"This is gonna require some thought" she said, before sitting down and tapping the side of her head with her hoof.
"Pinkie," Twilight sighed. Pinkie turned to look at her.
"You do know we could just... remove the side of the train, and move the cake in after, then replace the wall, right?"
Pinkie stared at Twilight like she'd grown an extra head.

"Are you sure?" she asked, "'cuz that just sounds mad. And this is from a pony who made a cake cannon that sort of almost works half the time!"
Five minutes later, and as Big MacIntosh replaced the train wall, eight ponies and one dragon admired the cake. Pinkie, now looking far more relaxed and rational, gave a sigh of relief, and turned to look at everypony.

"Thank you all for helping me get the cake safely on the car" she said, giving a small smile as she did.
"Thank you for inviting us all to go with you to Canterlot for the National Dessert Competition" Twilight said.

Twinkle briefly considered making a sarcastic comment, but she was distracted by the cake again. She was certain it was humming heavenly nothings, but then she hadn't gotten much sleep last night. And cakes obviously couldn't hum.
"I'm sure the festivities will be lovely" Rarity smiled, to which Applejack gave her a small jab with her knee.

"Phoeey on the festivities, I can't wait to try all those tasty treats!"
"Actually," Spike cut in, as Rarity stared at the spot where Applejack had jabbed her, "You probably won't get a chance. Apparently all the judges have to examine them first, and of course Princess Celestia gets a sample taste of every entry."

There was a small pause. "Why? And where'd you learn that, anyhow?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"Found a brouchure lying about in Sugarcube Corner the other day," Spike said.

"And there's no point being in charge if you can't use it to get free sugar every now and then" Twinkle added. Then a thought occured to her. "Hey, why was she eating all that cake anyway?"
"When?" Twilight asked.

"In that Gabby Gums column" Twinkle muttered. There was an odd look of glee in Rarity's eyes Twinkle didn't like.
"Something about a garden party," Twilight said, "I don- Applejack!"

All eyes turned to the farm pony, and there was a harsh slap of hoof-on-hoof as Pinkie Pie swatted the farmpony's hoof away.
"The tastiest treat of them all is sure to be the Cake's Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness" she said, her eyes filled with reverential awe, "All that rich creamy goodness of the marzipan, combined with the tart tanginess of the marscapone, blended perfectly with the smooth, silky sweetness of the meringue. That's why I call the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness the 'MMMM'."

There were six identical, hungry-sounding "MMMMs" from the others, though Trixie just looked unimpressed.
"Exactly," Pinkie said triumphantly, hopping onto the small (and magically reinforced) table the cake had been placed on, "It's the most delicious, delactable, delightful de-lovely-"

"Not a word" Twinkle quickly said.
"De-lectable cake in all of Equestria, and it's sure to win first prize."

Eight ponies and one dragon stared in adoration at the cake. Pinkie Pie's description couldn't possibly have been any more alluring, not without getting somepony arrested for indecent behaviour. Twinkle noticed Applejack's tongue was hanging out, while Rainbow Dash was licking her lips. There, the door to the car slammed open, and in enter a griffon, who for whatever reason smelt strangely onion-y, and seemed to have a strange air of undeserved smugness. On the plus side, his facial hair was truly impressive.

"Zis is not so," he declared in the most bizzare mangled Prench accent Twinkle had ever heard. She could practically feel Trixie's disdain trying to go for his throat there and then, "For I, Gustave Le Grande, do challenge your crude cake-"
Twinkle felt a sudden desire to rise to the cake's defense, or to hurl something at him.

"- to a duel of delectable delicacies," he said, apparently not noticing the fact that in the last few seconds he'd managed to destroy almost any chance of making friends with anypony in the car, "Against my Exceptionally Exquisite Éclairs."
At this, he brandished a pile of éclairs, which seemed to glow with a strange holy light, blinding all who gazed upon them. Although that very quickly turned out to be because of Gustave shining a spotlight on them. Twinkle was certain she could hear Trixie drooling.

"They will undoubtedly strike down all ze competition," he said, twirling his moustache as he placed the pile of éclairs on a table adjacent to the MMMM. Outside the spotlight, they just looked like normal, everyday éclairs, not a true competitor to the silken-spun frosting of the Temple of (and to) Cake.
"Winning first prize and crowning me le Champion!" there was a noise of disgust from Trixie.

"(I may sound like that sometimes, but only after I've been at the bourbon)" she muttered.
"Not a chance, Le Grand" a new voice announced, as a light brown unicorn stallion entered the train, a bright pink donut Cutie Mark plainly visible on his flank.

"Yo, Joe!" Spike announced. The unicorn looked over at Spike, recognised him and smiled.
"Hey, Spike" he nodded.

"What're you doing in Ponyville?" Spike asked eagerly.
"Especially since you live and work in Canterlot" Twilight added. He gave a smirk that made him look like a shark (Perhaps one that had let itself go, and was now smelling distinctly like frosting).

"Picking up the final ingredient for my contest entry," he said, moving forward slightly, bringing with him a cart laden with donuts. Then Twinkle saw closer, and noticed they'd been arranged to look like a city.
"Donutopia!" he declared, before revealing a strange tin, which he shook. Sprinkles fell across his creation, "And with these super-sprinkles, my donuts are going to dunk all the other lousy desserts, steal first prize, and" he reared onto his hind legs, "and make my donut store famous forever!"

Twinkle gave a tiny 'huh', to which everypony turned to look at her. "Didn't Celestia show up at your store just after the last Grand Galloping Gala? Along with Twilight Sparkle and her friends?" she asked. He stared at her.
"Yeah, but that was last year. Can't coast on it forever."

"I dunno," Twinkle shrugged, "'Half the Princesses of Equestria approve of Pony Joe's donuts', sounds like a winning ad slogan to me"
Pony Joe gave this some consideration. Then, everypony's attention was caught by someone's laughter.

"Oh, Joe, don't bother," a voice said, "Your dippy donuts could never out-rival me"
Everypony turned to see a chocolate moose had been placed in the doorway. It did not glow, or hum, or glimmer in the sunlight like it was forged from a multitude of the finest diamonds as the MMMM did. It just looked really, really chocolate-y. For whatever reason, it had been designed with a look of surprise on its 'face'. Pinkie Pie bounced over to it, and tried touching its chin.

"Hello, what's your name?" she asked.
A donkey appeared from behind the moose, "I, am Mulia Mild. Behold my chocolate mousse moose. It will trample all your treats, be given first prize, and make me the greatest chef in Equestria."

Gustave gave a grunt at this, "Madame Mild, you and your moose are mistaken."

"Your frou-frou éclairs will never defeat my donuts" Pony Joe cut in.

"The Cakes' Marzipan Mascarpon Merinque Madness will win!" Pinkie declared.

"Your simple cake could never take my moose!" Mulia stated, as all four chefs squared off against one another.

Fortunately at that point the train started to move.
"Well," Twilight announced, "It looks like we're in for a delicious-"

"Interesting" Twinkle said quickly.
"-thankyou- Interesting competition tomorrow. Maybe we should all settle in for a good night's sleep."

"Twilight, it's..." Twinkle frowned, "What time is it?"
"Late" Spike said calmly, pointing out of the window to the clearly setting sun.

"How long did it take us to move this cake?" Twinkle asked, after a few seconds. She was sure it had been mid-afternoon as they'd moved the cake, and it was the middle of spring. But then, she'd been distracted by other concerns earlier.
As had been explained to everypony before they set off, the train wouldn't be going directly to Canterlot, since it had to pick up a few other passengers along the way, along with avoiding anything that could possibly lead to any accidental damage to the Cake, such as the route the direct route to Canterlot took. Plus, the indirect route was really scenic in the springtime.

The varied chefs gave indications of their disgruntlement and retired. There was a yawn from Rainbow Dash.
"I gotta admit I'm pretty beat" she grinned. Applejack nodded.

"Yeah, I gotta hit the hay myself" she said, as six mares moved toward the door. They found Pinkie Pie barring their way.
"Wait! Didn't you hear those chefs? We have to protect the 'MMMM'"

Rarity looked at the giant ode to pastry, "MMMM?"
"Mmm-hhmmm!" Pinkie nodded, "I know for sure the 'MMMM' is the best dessert in all of Equestria, and I know that they know it too."

There was a small pause. "So..." Rainbow Dash said.
"So..." Pinkie Pie said, "One of them is going to sabotage the Cakes' cake tonight!"

"Pinkie..." Twinkle said slowly, "That... isn't how sabotage works."
Twilight stared at her in disbelief.

"What?"
"Of all the problems you could have with what she just said, you have a problem with her definition of sabotage?"

Twinkle gave this some thought. "Yeah."
Twilight stared at her for a moment, before turning back to Pinkie and smiling good-naturedly at her.

"Pinkie, you're overreacting."
"Yeah," Applejack nodded, "Those chefs ain't gonna do your cake any harm."

Pinkie Pie grabbed Applejack's head, "But they are! I just know it!"
"Fine!" Rainbow Dash sighed, "If you want to guard it, go for it. We're going to bed!"

"Actually," Twinkle said, "I'm going to help Pinkie Pie guard the cake."
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes at this, and made her way into the next carriage, the others following her. Applejack stopped looked over at Twinkle, as Pinkie Pie bounced over to the MMMM and began guarding it.

"Yeah, Applejack, I know. Remember to tell Twilight. Haven't forgotten" she said. Applejack nodded.
"Tomorrow, right?"

Twinkle nodded. "Tomorrow. Now go get some rest already."
Applejack smiled and walked towards the door, taking another glance at Pinkie Pie before leaving.

"We'll show them," Pinkie Pie said. "We'll stay up all night and protect you. Nothing and nopony will stop us from keeping you safe."
"Pinkie, are you muttering to yourself already?" Twinkle asked, grinning as she wasn't sure whether Pinkie was joking around or not, "It's not even been half a minute."


*****


Some hours later, as the train slowly trundled across Equestria, and in the sleeping cabin, all was quiet.
"Ugh."

Well, almost quiet.
"So bored."

For a very strange definition of quiet.
"Bored. Bored bored bored bored bo-"

"RAINBOW DASH! SHUT UP! Some of us are trying to get some beauty sleep!" Rarity roared. There was a small thump of head on wood from Fluttershy's bunk.
"Ouch" Fluttershy whispered.

"I can't help it" the speedster said, "I'm bored."
"Mare overboard" Spike yawned. There was groan from Rainbow Dash.

"That was terrible," Rainbow Dash muttered.
"Yes, it's not quite up there with your standards of flatulence and booger jokes, is it?" Rarity sighed.

"What's eating you?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"That fact that a certain annoying pegasus has spent the last two hours telling all and sundry how bored she is!"
"Guys, can we please not do this?" Twilight's voice piped up.

"I can't sleep, too bored. And these pillows are really uncomfy."
There was a sudden pause in the darkness.

"We could talk" Twilight suggested. The amount of eagerness in her voice was almost painful.
"Pass."

"But, Rainbow, you don't ev-"
"You were gonna suggest telling us the history of the dessert competition, weren't ya?" Rainbow Dash said. There was a slight pause, which to Rainbow Dash was the validation she needed, though she did feel a tiny amount of shame for that.

"We could... talk about something else. Or - or not" Fluttershy said.
"Like what?" Trixie muttered. There was a long pause.

"Did anypony see Lyra this morning?" Spike eventually asked. There was a snort from Rainbow Dash.
"Yeah. That mare was sure excited about something."

"I think, and based on what she was saying," Rarity said slowly, "It is entirely possible that she may be attending a wedding. In Canterlot"
There was a small sigh from the mare. "How come I never get to go to weddings?"

"Because Pinkie Pie'd probably want everypony dancing the Pony Polka again?"
There was another pause.

"I'm hungry..." Rainbow Dash stated.
"Maybe that's why you can't sleep" Rarity suggested.

"I can't help it," Rainbow Dash sighed, "the way Pinkie Pie described that cake, I can't stop thinking about it."
"I must admit," Rarity said, "It did sound... alluring."

"Guys?" Spike asked, "is there actually any food on the train that isn't for the dessert competition?"
There was a sudden, horrible sort of quiet realisation.

"No," Twilight said eventually.
"Well, we must simply endure without food then" Rarity said.

"It wouldn't be right to damage that cake, not after all the hard work the Cakes put into it" Fluttershy piped up.
"Plus, Pinkie's probably go nuts" Applejack said.

"Wouldn't be right" Rainbow Dash said solemnly. There was a strange gurgling noise.
"It would be wrong" Rarity said quickly, before anypony could ask whose stomach that was.

"So wrong."
"Very wrong."

"So delicious..." Spike mumbled. There was another bout of quiet, the only noise being Trixie mumbling in her sleep.


*****


Twinkle stared. She was beginning to reconsider her choice of staying with Pinkie Pie. She had hoped that guarding the cake would distract her from dangerous thoughts, or that Pinkie would distract her with her usual raging-stream approach to conversation. However, Pinkie was remaining incredibly quiet. The one time she had spoken, it was to inform Twinkle she was unable to talk, preferring to keep herself in a 'cat-like state of readiness'.

Twinkle had quickly decided that whatever random horrors her mind could produce at a moment's notice was far better than Pinkie Pie being quiet. Although the way how every now and then she would droop, and then momentarily fall asleep was somewhat adorable.

After an hour of this, or possible longer, there was a sudden (and frankly refreshing) gust of wind, which shook Pinkie away and straight into high gear.
"Stop you saboteur!" she yelled, rushing after the shadow-y figure. Twinkle stared at the cake, and was aware of a fluttering noise. She sighed, and her horn glowed. There was a soft noise of something bouncing into her shield.

"Ow," a familiar somepony whispered.
In an instant, Twinkle turned on the lights, revealing Fluttershy, sprawled on the floor. A second later, and the pegasus had curled herself into a small ball.

"Hey, Fluttershy" Twinkle intoned. Then the door at the end of the carriage opened, and Rainbow Dash entered. In the split-second before realisation kicked in, there was a smug grin on her face.
"Ah" she grinned nervously, "This isn't what it looks like?" she said quickly. Twinkle stared at her.

"Odd, because it looked like you were distracting Pinkie Pie so you could take a bite out of the MMMM."
Rainbow Dash looked shocked, "We weren't gonna eat it. We just wanted to see what it tastes l-"

She suddenly yelped as Pinkie Pie slammed into her, knocking her to the ground. Pinkie Pie stared in confusion.
"Wait! You're not Gustave, Pony Joe or Mulia!" she said.

"Well," Twinkle said, "Now we have a firm hoof on the obvious."
Pinkie frowned as she apparently tried to figure out what was going on. "Were you two about to sabotage the MMMM?" she asked.

Fluttershy made a small 'um' noise and looked down at her hooves.
"I was just gonna take a test taste!" Rainbow Dash said.

Pinkie Pie blinked. "You were... you were actually going to..."
"Pinkie," Twinkle said slowly, "Just try to remain calm."

'Did I really just bother saying that?' she quickly thought.
"And they didn't actu-" the room suddenly went dark, and there was the sound of somepony with no grasp of the concept of stealth trying to make their way through a mostly-dark room.

"Who turned out the moon?" Pinkie Pie yelled, before adding, "Stop thief!"
Twinkle suddenly found herself being thrown backwards, and a pony standing on top of her. There was a triumphant shout from Pinkie Pie.

"Caught in the act!" she declared. Twinkle frowned.
"Pinkie, please get off of me."

There was a sudden silence.
"Should I turn the lights back on?" Fluttershy asked.

"Go ahead" Twinkle sighed. Light flooded the room, and Twinkle stared Pinkie Pie in the face, the mare glaring at her.
"Cake-thieving friend!" she hissed, before pausing, and shaking her head, "No, wait, no 'r'. Cave-thieving fiend."

Twinkle sighed, "Pinkie, I didn't turn off the lights, and I haven't done anything to the cake."
"Um," Fluttershy said behind them. There was a sudden shift in Pinkie Pie's face, as she turned to look at Fluttershy.

"Yes?" she asked. Fluttershy wilted at the pastry chef's glare.
"Nothing, nothing" she mumbled.

Pinkie sighed as she stepped off of Twinkle. "I was so sure one of the other chefs was out of sabotage the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness, and instead it turns out it was my friends who tried to sabotage the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness."

Twinkle tried to say something, before giving an annoyed sigh. "Nevermind," she muttered to herself.
Pinkie returned to standing in front of the cake, "Overreacting my hoof!" she said.

"I knew I was gonna have to keep a closer eye on you," she whispered to the cake, "Don't worry, auntie Pinkie will keep you safe. Alone" she added, glaring at Twinkle again.
"But-" Fluttershy raised a hoof.

"Alone!" Pinkie snapped.
Twinkle looked about the room, including checking the ceiling, for Rainbow Dash. Surprisingly enough, she wasn't there.

"Pin-"
"Out!" the mare said, as she began shoving the two towards the door, "I have a cake to guard!"

She slammed the door on them, the two mares remaining still for a moment. After a few seconds, there was the distinctive sound of Pinkie Pie snoring.
"Should we have told her that-" Twinkle started. Fluttershy shook her head.

"She'll find out when she wakes up anyway. It's probably best to let her get some sleep now" Fluttershy said. To Twinkle's mildly sleep-deprived mind, this made sense. Besides, there was no way Pinkie Pie couldn't have noticed the chunk gouged out of the MMMM. And in the morning, Twinkle would help exact vengeance in the name of the MMMM.


*****


Meanwhile, in Canterlot.
Shining Armor felt a slight draft, and woke up to see the bed-sheets had been moved. He calmed himself. Cadance had obviously just gone to the bathroom or something. She'd been trying to hide the fact that she wasn't getting as much sleep as she probably should have, though compared to him, she was doing far better, though that might have been because he kept having nightmares of Princess Celestia and Luna playing some cruel prank during the wedding, or of Cadance going missing. After a few minutes there were unsteady hoofsteps as Cadance reappeared. Without a word she got back under the bedsheets. Shining Armor frowned.

"Cadance?" he asked. For a few seconds nothing happened.
"What?" she said. For some reason, Shining Armor's instincts, those carefully honed talents he'd been encouraged since foal-hood to listen to, were screaming at him. Something was up with Cadance.

"Are you... okay?" he had been meaning to ask if she was awake, but that seemed redundant at this point.
"Yes" she said, and nothing more.

"... alright" he said. There was a pause. Something still didn't seem right.
"You haven't had a bad dream, or something, have you?"

"No" she said. For some reason, she sounded like she was biting down scathing comeback.
"Love you" he smiled, nervously.

"I know" Cadance said after a long pause. He rolled over, and after a few minutes felt hooves around his barrel, as there was a small noise from Cadance.

"Go to sleep, Shining Armor" she murmured. "We've got a long week ahead of us. A long week."
His eyes went wide, and he felt her hooves suddenly move back from him. "Oh no" he said, "I forgot to send a letter to Twilie!"

Cadance, despite the fact that she'd been constantly having to remind him to mail Twilight, looked more annoyed than anything.
"You can do it in the morning" she said, her voice sounding noticably uncaring, in that she sounded like there was the slightest chance she didn't care. Shining Armor stared at Cadance.

"Are you sure you're alright?" he asked.
"Yes, yes, now go to sleep."

Shining Armor frowned, and then dismissed his concerns, and the half-dozen other concerns on top of those. It had been a long day, after all, and it was about to be a longer series of days.
It would be fine, in the morning, he told himself, not noticing as Cadance grinned, her eyes briefly turning a deep green.


*****


Twilight Twinkle was woken by the sound of Pinkie Pie screaming, and along with everypony else, made her way to the car where the MMMM was being held.
"What is it?" Applejack asked.

"What happened?" Rainbow Dash added, as she tried to stay in the air in her sleep-deprived state. Pinkie Pie looked at them, her face the very definition of distraught.
"It's the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness," she said, sounding like she was on the verge of tears, "It's been mutilated!"

She pointed to the cake, or rather, the remains of the cake. Its once perfectly-smooth surface had been gouged, as a whole section of the cake had been surgically removed, in the manner only a fiendish cake-heathen in the throes of glory-induced madness could provide. Or to put it simply: some jerk had eaten bits of it. It was a tragic sight, as bits of frozen cream were still dripping into a puddle.

There was a collective gasp from all involved.
"Now" Pinkie Pie said, "We just need to find out whodunit!"

Twilight gave a polite smile, "You mean, who 'did' it.
"Exactly!" Pinkie said, pointing dramatically at Twilight, "Who did-done-dood it!"

Twilight quickly pressed past Pinkie's grammatical massacre, "Well, having read many mystery novels, I know the only way to find the culprit is to investigate."
Twinkle tried to think of the best possible way to respond to that, while Pinkie leaned over toward Twilight and nodded, "Exactly."

Suddenly Pinke Pie placed a deerstalker hat on her head, and produced a bubble pipe from... somewhere.
"And as chief investigator, that's exactly what I'm gonna do" she said, staring at the cake. Everypony else exchanged nervous glances (save the bakers, who just looked concerned).

"You're investigatin'?" Applejack asked.
"Yes!" Pinkie Pie said, as she shoved a bowler hat onto Twilight's head, "And Twilight shall be my lowly assistant who asks silly questions with obvious answers."

Applejack lifted her leg up and bit down. She gave a disappointed noise when she turned out to be awake.
"Pinkie," Twinkle said, "That is most assuredly not the point of the detective's sidekick."

Everypony stared at her, and she took a deep breath, "The point of the sidekick to the detective is to ask questions, yes, but for the benefit of the audience. In the stories to which your choice of headgear points towards you referring to, the detective's medical friend was no fool, but rather a partner, who on many occasions demonstrated a keen mind of his own, and a seperate perspective to stop the detective's ego from causing problems."

There was a pause, before she added, "Sorry, but that is a bit of a point of contention regarding those stories I wanted to deal with. Plus, you really think Twilight fits the role of 'bumbling sidekick'?"
Pinkie frowned, before turning to Twilight, "Okay, partner, time to get to work!"

Twilight just sighed, "Nice try" she said to Twinkle.
Pinkie paced up and down the corridor, before calmly staring at the assembled group. Twinkle looked at everypony. Then she noticed Rarity's blatantly altered hairstyle. She tried not to grin.

"Alright, I have solved the case. I know who did-done-dood it!" Pinkie Pie proclaimed imperiously. Everyone in the room gasped.
"That was fast" Rainbow Dash muttered.

"How could you possibly know already?" Twilight asked
"How could I possibly not know?" Pinkie said.

"You've got the attitude down, at least" Twinkle said to herself.
"Clearly this dastardly deed was done by the baker who knew their dessert could not match up to the mastery of the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness" she said, as she calmly stalked her way between everyone. Then she whipped around to face Gustave Le Grand.

"I guess your eclairs lacked flair, Gustave!"
"What did I do?" he asked, utterly confused.

"I'm glad you asked" Pinkie Pie grinned.


~~~~~


Her name was Pinkie Pie, and she was a decent, hard-working, average joe pony from Ponyville. Her bosses, the Ponyville Cakes, had asked her to guard their latest creation, the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Mandess, which she called the MMMM for short. She may have been a bit on the serious side, but Pinkie Pie knew how to crack a joke from time to time. But things got unfunny as she was watching over the beautiful thing. One Greedy Gustave, general villainous baker for hire, swooped in behind her, and extended one of his greedy claws towards the cake, but she was not taken unaware, and the young pastry chef managed to slap him back.

"Get your claws off the cake, you cur!" she had insisted. So he grabbed the girl instead, and tied her down to a railway track while he made off with the cake, like the fiend from perdition he was, taking it to his portable Evil Conveyor Belt of Doom (trademark pending), and slicing the innocent confectionary to pieces.


~~~~~


"Thus destroying the cake, and the Cakes' chances of winning the National Cake Competition" Pinkie finished, bowing her head.
"But Pinkie, that makes no sense!" Twilight stated. Pinkie paused, pretend to take a breath from her pipe.

"What do you mean?" she asked.
"Well," Twilight said, "If you were tied to the train tracks, how could you be here?"

Pinkie's brow furrowed at this. "... guess that isn't a silly question" she said.
"And second, the cake hasn't been sliced, it's been bitten!" Twilight said.

"Look at the teeth marks!" she declared. Pinkie leaned in to examine it, noting the all-too clear sign of tooth marks.
"You're right, my fine fellow. Gustave Le Grand is clearly in the clear, which means..." there was a deep intake of breath from everyone in the room, as Pinkie Pie began to pace up and down the room, "The MMMM was destroyed by another baker. A baker who's donuts are do-nots. That's right," she said, as Twinkle resisted the urge to face-hoof.

A pink hoof jabbed at Pony Joe, "It was Joe! Or as he's known in the spy world, Mane. Con Mane!"
"What." Twinkle heard Twilight utter.


~~~~~


Mane. Con Mane, Equestria's top secret agent. Glamourous women (with oddly euphemistic names), cool gadets (that always came in handy), exotic adventures, he had them all, working on Their Majesties' Secret Service, despite his constant headbutting with his superior, who went by the initials SA. But, for sleek and stealthy Con Mane, and his touch of gold, this was not enough, the world was not enough. In his disguise as working bloke Pony Joe, he planned to win the National Dessert Competion. It was a simple matter, using the inventions given to him by P-Branch to knock out the police pony on watch, and using an ingenious device designed to reflect light, turned the laser defense system against the very thing it was supposed to protect, slicing it to pieces.


~~~~~~


"Thus, crushing the cake's chance to win!" Pinkie finished, as she stared straight into Pony Joe's eyes
"Pinkie," Twilight said, "There is no laser security system!" she waved a hoof at the cake, demonstrating that the cake, which was demonstratably un-sliced.

"And Joe is not sleek, stealthy 'Con Mane'! He's big, gruff and messy!"
"Hey!" Pony Joe retorted with as much hurt pride as he could muster.

"Although," Rarity mused, "You would look rather dapper in a tuxedo."
The stallion suddenly gave a pleased grin, as Spike quietly muttered angry nothings to himself.

"Also ignoring the fact that you fell asleep, rather than being the victim of a knock-out gas" Twinkle added.
"You may be right" Pinkie Pie said.

"May be?" Twilight asked. Pinkie walked over toward the chocolate moose.
"Now that I'm taking a closer look at these desserts," she mused, as she scutinised it, "I see one that simply cannot look me in the eye"

"Pinkie," Twilight said slowly, "That mousse is a moose!"
"Yes, and the mule behind the moose panicked when she saw the mastery of the MMMM!" Pinkie declared, leaning in towards Mulia Mild and glowering.


~~~~~


In the silence of the night, she creapt towards her target. It had been difficult, but soon, Mulia Mild, the deadliest assassin of the competitive cooking circuit, would reach her target, the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness, but it would take all her ninja cunning, all her training, to make it past the skilled officer who stood on guard.
Or one well-applied frying pan, perhaps.
She stood there, in the moonlight, over the body of her helpless victim, her eyes blazing with a steely fire. She draw her sword, and leapt... a flash of metal, and three swift strikes, and it was done. The target, the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness, had been destroyed.


~~~~~


"Putting an end to the Cakes' dreams of taking first prize" Pinkie finished, as she stood over the terrified Mulia. She gave a derisive 'huh', "I hope you're proud of yourself Mulia."
Her friends felt embarrassed. In fact, as Pinkie Pie herself would later put it, they were into all new territories of embarrassed. She had just created a masterpiece of embarrassment so deep and moving, anypony would need to take several steps back to appreciate just how impressively awkward the embarrassment was. Mulia was no ninja. She was just a donkey chef who'd wanted to try something new, proove she still had the same fire in her craft she once did. And at the moment, she genuinely seemed terrified of Pinkie Pie.

Twilight had had enough. "Pinkie, stop! This is ridiculous! Look at her!" she said, trying to direct Pinkie's gaze to the trembling Mulia.
Pinkie Pie stared at the mare, and then down at her hooves. "I guess you're right" she sighed.

"THANK YOU!" Twilight declared, perhaps a bit louder than anypony else in the room required.
"But I was so sure that it was one of the other bitter bakers that destroyed the 'MMMM'. That way their delicious dessert would reign supreme. I mean, just look at Joe's Donutopia" Pinkie pointed at the creation, "It's a spectuacular city of donutty delight, topped temptingly in sprinklicious sprinkles."

Twinkle could hear Rainbow Dash and Spike licking their lips. Pinkie moved over to Gustave's creations
"And Gustave's eclairs look incredibly edible, with glistening glaziness." Rarity and Fluttershy leaned in toward the griffon's creatiom, taking a deep breath.

"But then there's Mulia Mild's Mousse Moose." Pinkie wrapped a hoof around it, "Why this mouth-wateringly marvelous mousse moose tempts the taste buds with its silky-smooth-"
As Pinkie spoke, Twinkle became aware of the fact that she hadn't eaten in several hours. Several long hours. And then she stared at the remains of the MMMM, as one tiny piece of cream every-so-slowly began to trickle down the sides, like a waterfall made out of liquified pearl...

"So why," Pinkie asked, "did this criminal devour the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness while leaving this trio of tasty treats untouched?"
Then the whole cabin went dark, and Twinkle wasn't entirely sure what happened, but she was certain she could hear eating noises. Then light came back into the room. And there was a multitude of gasps.

"Now I have no idea who do-done-dood it!" Pinkie said.
There was a moment's silence for the fallen foods.

"Well," Pinkie said, taking another puff on her bubble pipe, "This mystery gets more mysterious every minute."
Twinkle shook her head, as Twilight grinned with what could have been construed as a malicious light.

"Well, you have to stop with the wild accusations and get to the truth" she said, before turning to everyone else. "Everypony go back to y-"

"No!" Twinkle declared. Everypony turned to stare at her.
"Sorry, didn't meant to shout that," she said, "But nopony can leave here until we've got this thing solved."

"(I forgot you talked for a moment)" Trixie muttered. Twinkle turned to stare at her, noting the very barely visible hint of cream on her chin.
"If anyp-... anyone" she said, glancing at Gustav and Mulia, "leaves the room now, the actual 'thieves', though I'd say vandals would be a more fitting epithet at this point, then they can cover their tracks, erase all evidence of their misdeeds."

She looked at everypony, "And we've got a whole bunch of misdeeds to go with today, folks. Starting with you!"
"Me?" Pinkie Pie squeaked, "What did I do?"

"You accused me of trying to eat part of the cake, allowing two suspects to escape" Twinkle said. She frowned, before adding, "And you tackled me in the process."
Pinkie paused. "Are you sure? That doesn't sound like me."

"So," Twilight asked, "Who did damage the MMMM?"
"Oh, that," Twinkle laughed, "Yes, well, that one is easy enough."

She stuck out a hoof, "For one, her."
Rainbow Dash blinked, then scowled. "No I didn't!"

Twinkle stared at her, "You were in the room when the MMMM got munched, and the only others in there were me, Fluttershy, Pinkie, and the second vandal, because let's face it, it was an act of vandalism to take a bite out of the King of Cakes."

Some nervous glances were exchanged as Twinkle stared at the MMMM. It seemed a shame to let it just sit there, half of its might taken from it, seperated from its true self. And while it was an act of vandalism to take a bite out of it, it was a waste, criminal negligence even, to leave it unfinished, after all, that was its purpose in life, to be eaten by the mere mortals in its shadow...
"Twilight!" she heard Twilight Sparkle yell. She quickly turned around, and blushed.

"Sorry, but it is a very lovely looking cake, and I am really hungry right now."
She coughed, "Anyway, the second vandal of the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness is easily deduced. It's Rarity."

Everypony turned to stare at the mare.
Twilight nodded, "I'm glad somepony noticed Rarity was wearing her hair differently."

"Oh, I did," Fluttershy said, "But I... didn't want to seem rude."
"Is it a crime to change one's hair style every now and again? Why," she sniffed, "I say it is a crime not to."

Both Twilights exchanged glances, then looked back to Rarity.
"Rarity," Twinkle said slowly, "You barely ever change your hairstyle."

Rarity glanced from Twilight to Twilight. She gave in.
"All right," she wailed, "It's true! I'm guilty!"

She brushed back her mane, revealling... her eyes. "I wear false eyelashes!"
For a minute she held a mildly dramatic weeping pose, before opening her eyes, and casually adding, "And I took a bite of the cake."

Pinkie's eyes went wide. "WHAT?!!"
"Not so loud, Pinkie dear" Rarity sighed. The party pony stared at Twinkle.

"How did you know?"
"Well, because the lights went off before she entered the carriage, and I didn't use my magic, and neither Fluttershy nor Rainbow Dash were anywhere near the lightswitch. Plus, the fact that she changed her hairstyle, despite not having brought enough of her mane-styling equipment with her, that was another clue."

She turned back to Rainbow Dash, "Allowing you to steal a quick chunk of cake for yourself, while Pinkie Pie was busy blaming me."
"No, I didn't" Rainbow Dash said, "I was going to take a taste-bite. Like I said last night. So that's all I did, then I flew on out of there."

She pointed at the very edge of one of the gouges, where a smaller, seperate chunk had been bitten. "That's where I took a bite out of, where somepony else has taken a bite out of it. I may be a jerk sometimes, but I'm not gonna eat half the damn cake that took months for the Cakes to prepare."

"Then who could have possibly done it?"
"Was it me?" Fluttershy asked, "Maybe I sleepwalked in and sleepate part of it."

Everypony stared at her.
"No, it was me. Ah ate part of it."

Everypony turned to stare at Applejack in shock.
"Sorry, Pinkie. Ah just heard how you described it, an' it sounded so good, and ah wasn't gonna eat any of it, but... well, ah couldn't help mahself after a while."

"Indeed," Rarity said, "I only meant to take a tiny, lady-like bite of it. After all, you'd made it sound so... delectable."
"So... I don't understand, who was the first pony to make a move?" Pinkie Pie asked.

"That was me," Rainbow Dash mumbled, "I rushed past you, and I was gonna wait for you to walk past, then sneak a bite of the cake, but then I came back in and found the lights were on, and Twinkie here was talking to Fluttershy."
Twinkle shook her head as she looked at Pinkie Pie, "You didn't check the ceilings?" she asked in disbelief.

Pinkie stared at Fluttershy, "But how come you didn't get a chance to did-done-dood it?"
"She walked into one of my forcefields" Twinkle said, "Fortunately, I only cast a level three shield, because I am still magically drained right now, so she just bounced off it. I guessed it was Rainbow Dash who woke Pinkie Pie up, so I was hoping to stop her flying right up to the cake. I just didn't expect Fluttershy, of all ponies."

"Why can't I be greedy once in a while?" Fluttershy asked defensively. She looked at Pinkie Pie's hurt expression.
"Sorry" she said.

"So sorry" Rarity added.
"Really, really, really sorry" Rainbow Dash agreed.

Applejack just mumbled to herself.
"So," Twilight said, "We've found out who ate the MMMM" she glanced at Rarity and Applejack.

"But we still haven't figured out who ate the rest of the bakers' goods."
"Oh, I know this one!" Pinkie said. Twilight looked at her.

"I really do this time!" she smiled.
"Pinkie..." Twilight sighed.

"No, it really was the bakers this time!" Pinkie said. There were a few gasps.
"Actually, it wasn't just them" Twinkle said. Pinkie stared at her.

"It wasn't?"
"Trixie and Spike helped."

Twilight swivelled, and advanced on Spike, who just smiled nervously.
"Spike" she said, in the exact same tone she'd just used on Pinkie.

"So, Pinkie," Twinkle said quickly, "You said the other bakers ate their competition?"
"Yuh-huh!" Pinkie nodded, before pointing, "Look! Gustave has mousse in his mustache."

Indeed, there was a noticable sample of chocolate on his mustache, as Pinkie straightened it out. When she let go it snapped back with a 'twang' noise.
"Joe has eclair in his hair" she added, lifting up the stallion's hat to reveal a tiny sliver of cream on his hair.

"And Mulia," Pinkie finished, "Has sprinkles in her wrinkles. But I don't know what Spike and Trixie ate."
"Well, I can explain that one," Twinkle said, "Spike helped devour Donutopia!"

"Sorry" he mumbled, "I was really hungry."
"I'll put it on your tab" Pony Joe sighed.

"And Trixie helped eradicate the eclairs."
"I only ate one!" Trixie declared. Then everypony stared at her, and she shrivelled. "Okay, three. But that was all."

Twilight shook her head, before turning to the bakers. "What do you say, bakers?"
Gustave turned to Mulia. "Oh, I so, so sorry, Mulia, but Pinkie made your mousse moose sound so... tres magnifique."

There was a disgusted tut from Trixie, as Pony Joe turned to Gustave, "And Pinkie's description of your eclairs really did make 'em sound scrumptious."
"(They were, by they way.)"

Mulia looked over at Pony Joe, "And the way she spoke of your Donutopia," she sighed, "Was too delectable to resist."
Twilight nodded, "Well everypony, we finally have the mystery solved. Or at least," she said, glancing at Twinkle, then to Applejack, "All the ones relating to the desserts."

"Yes," Gustave said, as he, Mulia and Joe held the remains of their entries, "But now we don't have any desserts to enter into the contest."
Pinkie beamed once more, "I think we can fix that! Come on!" she declared, before rushing off. For a moment, the three bakers looked at each other, before following after her. When Pinkie Pie was in that sort of manic cheerfulness, it was impossible not to find yourself swept up by it.


*****


Three guards saluted as Shining Armor arrived. Under normal circumstances, they might perhaps have been suspicious if their boss had shown up ten minutes late, but he was preparing for a wedding, and his wedding at that, so nopony commented that he was late by half an hour. Besides, everypony knew Princess Cadance was a very 'huggy' pony in the morning.

"Boss?" One of them, who went by the name of Gilded Shield, asked, "You alright?"
"Yeah, yeah..." Shining Armor muttered, "I'm fine. Just overslept, is all."

The three guards looked at one another. "You sure, sir? I mean, no offence, but you look like you were just in a fight."
Shining Armor frowned. A fight, he felt like asking. With who? Cadance. That was stupid. He and Cadance had never so much as argued, not even raised voices at one another, just like with Twilie. At least, he was pretty sure he and Cadance hadn't had an argument, but something had happened when he woke up, but he couldn't remember what it was.

"Where's Princess Celestia?" he asked. The three guards exchanged looks.
"Think she's probably getting ready for that big dessert competition" guard number three, a pegasus mare, said, with a voice that indicated that she'd have loved to be guarding tasty treats from being stolen. Then she felt a pang of her guards' sense.

"Why, sir, if you don't mind my asking?"
"I..." Shining Armor frowned, as he tried to remember, "I have to tell her... something."

He rubbed the side of his head, and tried standing up straight, "Carry on, men."
"Yessir!" they saluted.

As Shining Armor made his way into the castle, he couldn't help but feel there was something else he was supposed to be doing. Something to do with his little sister. Then hot recollection came back to him, burning through his mind and wiping away all other thoughts.
TELL CELESTIA CANTERLOT IS UNDER THREAT, something snarled in his mind, and he suddenly had an image of Cadance standing over him, sneering. But that wasn't possible, he told himself. Cadance would never hurt anypony, it just wasn't in her nature.
TELL HER, the voice said. No, Cadance hadn't hurt him, he remembered now. He had slipped, and she had helped him up. They had kissed. He had enjoyed kissing Cadance. He was probably just getting nerves, but it wouldn't do to complain. He couldn't ruin Cadance's special day.

Nopony would ruin Cadance's special day. He would make sure of that.


*****


It had been an impressive feat, all had agreed. Pinkie Pie had suggested merging the remains of everyone's entries. Twinkle couldn't find herself thinking that some intangible qualitity of the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness had been lost, but that the end result of the fusion of cake, mousse, donuts and eclairs was incredibly impressive. The judges had agreed, deeming the fusion worthy of first prize. Even Princess Celestia had expressed interest in it, until it had been destroyed by an overly-eager Pinkie Pie. Nopony had minded too much, especially not after Celestia began laughing.

Meanwhile, Rarity, Applejack and Rainbow Dash kept a good distance away from Pinkie Pie, afraid of the ironic punishment that was likely to be dolled out to them.

Eventually, after a pleasant amount of mingling, and examining the various other entries, they decided to leave.
As they walked through Canterlot, Applejack and Twinkle kept exchanging glances.

"Okay," Twilight said as they approached the train station, turning to face the two mares, "What is it?" she asked.
"What?" Twinkle asked.

"You two are clearly keeping something from the rest of us" Twilight said, raising a hoof, "Don't try and deny it, please. Not after what happened on the train."
Applejack turned to look at Twinkle, and nodded.

"Tell her" she said quietly. Twinkle stared at Twilight, and then turned to look at everypony else.
"No," she said, quickly adding, "Not yet. Not until we're back in Ponyville, where I will take us to the swankiest resturaunt we can afford, and then I will tell you."

She did a strange combination of frown and ironic smile, "Just don't blame me if it starts raining chocolate tomorrow."
"You don't have to keep us in suspense" Rainbow Dash said, "We've all figured it out."

Twinkle heard Applejack facehoof.
"Have you now?" she asked, feeling a slightly malicious sting of humour.

"Yeah" Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. "Don't know why you bothered keeping it a secret from us, 'specially not with that stupid 'boyfriend' story."
"(When we get back to Ponyville, can I knock her senseless?)" Applejack muttered.

"Indeed," Rarity nodded, "If what Rainbow Dash says is correct, we don't mind your... unsual decision to keep this hidden from us. If there is one thing we've learnt over the last few months, it is that everypony has their secrets, and it's their choice to share them if they wish. But there was no need to hide this one from us."

Twinkle sighed, "You don't honestly think that we're..." she pointed to Applejack. Both mares stared at each other, then back to their friends.
"Do you wanna go first with the brutal honesty?" Twinkle asked. Applejack shook her head.

"Naw, you go right on ahead."
"We are not, have not been, and never will be in a relationship" Twinkle said, "Nothing personal Applejack, but you aren't really my sort of mare."

"None taken. Ah don't swing that way either. And you ain't really my type."
They turned to face the gobsmacked group of ponies. There was the sound of Trixie trying to restrain her laughter. Mercifully, at that point, the train came into the station.

"So..." Rainbow Dash asked, "What could you two possibly be keeping from us, then?" she asked.
Twinkle just took a deep breath, "You'll see. But wait until we get to Ponyville."

She looked up at the sky, "I don't want to exposit on an empty stomach."
Pinkie Pie nodded, "Yeah, that's always the worst. Unless you're eating bean pie, which is even worst-ier, especially when you need to go, or when you accidently get a clarinet stuck up your nose, that really wasn't fun-"

The eight ponies (and one dragon) piled onto the train. Twinkle lay back on her seat.
"All things considered, I think that was one of the most enjoyable train rides I've ever been on" she said, turning to Twilight, "Though I think you'd make the better detective. You're better at figuring things out than I am. I just leap in head-first."

She sighed, "I needed more days like this."
Twilight frowned and said nothing. Everypony else was engaged in their own conversations.

"Did you see all that bunting?" Rarity asked, "I think the gossip is right. There is something big about to occur."
"You think?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Looks like a giant party!" Pinkie Pie smiled, "And nopony's invited me."
"The postal service's really taken a hit since Ditzy went 'travelling', huh?" Twinkle smirked.

There was a sudden quiet. "I hope Dinky's alright" Fluttershy said.
"She'll be better than that, she'll be... superb" Twinkle said quietly. "One of the best tutors I ever had."

Twilight looked at her, "Really? Dinky Doo taught you magic?"
"Taught me a few things. Like that unlocking spell I used in the library. Good thing she wasn't there, or the ontological paradox would've been..." Twinkle shook her head.

The train slowly pulled out of the station, and Twinkle relaxed. And then she saw she was sitting in a seat facing towards Canterlot. She felt her stomach begin to tighten.
"You don't look so good..." Trixie said, "You look like that time Trixie tried to merge cloves and custard." The showmare stuck her tounge out at the apparently disgusting memory.

Twinkle said nothing. For a few minutes, everything seemed fine. Then she heard Rarity gasp.
"Do you see that?"

"It's gorgeous!" she heard Fluttershy state.
"Shiny!" Pinkie added.

"That looks like one of my brother's spells," Twilight said, "I've never seem him cast one on that scale. But then, mom was always a bit worried about him practicing magic in the house, and I never got to see him when he was in training."
Twinkle was aware ponies were speaking, but it sounded distant. All she could hear was her heart beating.

"Su--rcube? -ou al-ig-t? Twilight?! Twilight!"
"Buck!" Twinkle uttered as she collapsed onto the floor. For a few minutes she lay there, trying to breath as she heard, distantly, everypony arguing about what to do. She slowly raised a hoof.

"'m fine," she slurred, "Just... had a freak out, is all."
She unsteadily got to her hooves, trying to ignore the look on everypony's faces.

"Can whatever you're keeping from us wait until Ponyville?" Twilight asked. Twinkle frowned.
"I just wanted... wanted to make sure you at least had something about today you could remember that wasn't tainted with something bad. Just wanted you to all be happy."

Applejack put a hoof on her shoulder. "Ah think now's the time to tell them, Twilight Twinkle."
She frowned, and sat down on the seat, and tried to regain her breathing for a few moments, before looking at everypony.

"No. Not until we reach Ponyville. Now, if you don't mind," she said, "I'd just like to gather my thoughts."
Everypony sat in silence until they reached Ponyville, all eyes avoiding Twinkle and Applejack. They sat in silence as the train pulled in to Ponyville, they stood largely in silence as Pinkie Pie passed the varied rewards of victory to the Cakes, and politely declined the offer of a celebration, Pinkie telling the Cakes the victory belonged to the couple alone. They quickly walked to the library, still in utter silence, and once inside paused.

Twinkle sighed, and looked about the library. Spike had left instructions to Big MacIntosh on how to feed Peewee, just in case the group had been late returning from Canterlot, and quickly went upstairs to check on the phoenix chick.
Once he returned, Peewee slowly flitting after him, Twinkle's horn glowed, and an orange/red glow settled over the surfaces of the library. She nodded slowly.

"The room is sound-screened" she said. She lowered her head, and then looked up at Twilight. She hugged the mare, before pulling out again.
"Okay, everypony. Now, before I start, I must ask that each of you swear not to divulge what I am about to reveal to you, no matter to whom, unless I say so."

There were a series of nods, before she looked at Twilight. "I need you to promise."
"Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!" Everypony save Trixie repeated. She just stared at them.

"Okay," Twinkle said, taking a deep, shaking breath "Here goes."
'Damn me' she thought.