Rhea was watching cartoons when I came back, Cloud draped across my back. I caught her relieved expression, but it quickly fell away once I crossed the threshold. Rhea hit mute and watched, mouth slightly agape, as I eased the other pegasus on the bed. Carefully.
“Did you... Knock her out or something?”
After we’d kissed, Cloud had pretty much seized up and passed out. I had a brief freak out, but after confirming her pulse was steady and she was breathing, I decided I’d just hit a button. I desperately hoped it was the “Cloud and Jess are talking now” button.
“No,” I said, looking over my best friend, my would-be marefriend. “I think I... Hard rebooted her. I think. She’s just sleeping it off. I think.”
“Oh.” Rhea looked at Cloud, who twitched slightly in her sleep. “Is she... Going to be okay?”
I shrugged. “We’ll just have to see. I think this plays out a little different for everypony involved.”
I settled down next to Cloud’s sleeping form and looked at what Rhea was watching.
“What... Is that?” I said pointing to what looked like a ghost with a hand growing out of its head accept a high-five from a grotesque, green man.
“Hm? Oh. Yeah. Regular Show.” She smiled hopefully at me. “It’s funny.”
I watched the show silently and pulled something from a January, late-night, internet search memory. “This is that thing from the Flapjack guy isn’t it?” I finally said.
“You don’t like it? I can change the channel. It’s okay.”
“No, no. It’s not that. It’s just... A little weird for me.”
Rhea arched a disbelieving eyebrow, which just made me laugh.
“What?” I protested. “We all have our limits.”
“Says the talking, flying pony,” Rhea chuckled.
“Yep,” I said, tugging the blankets over Cloud’s body. “Says the talking, flying pony.”
Rhea turned off the TV. I could feel her eyes on me as I stroked Cloud’s mane.
“Um. This is probably a weird question...” she said.
“I bet,” I replied, my eyes still on Cloud.
“What’s going on? Like between you two?”
“It’s complicated,” I replied automatically. I sighed at my own hypocrisy and smiled. “You sure you want to know?”
“Y’all saved me. Can’t I be curious about my heroes?”
I chuckled softly. “Okay.”
So I told her everything. How we were dating. How I woke up as Blossomforth, then how Jess woke as Cloud. How we ran a stage show and decided to go on a road trip. How Blossom and I slowly, but inevitably merged into one, new personality who was an amalgamation of all we were. How Jess had felt like her girlfriend was gone. How Cloud had been suspicious of me. How it had all happened and gone so different from where we started.
Rhea was a good listener. She nodded, only asked one or two questions to clarify what I had talked about. I noticed an unconscious twitch of her left hoof as she spoke. Maybe that was Night Shade? The pony hadn’t made much of an appearance, which was strange.
Either way, I was glad she was there. I don’t think I could have carried this further on my own.
At the end, Rhea exhaled a breath and eyebrows raised in amazement said, “Wow.”
I nodded.
“Seriously. Like, wow.”
I nodded again.
“Do you think... What do you think?”
I looked at Cloud, who still twitched and mumbled in her sleep.
“I don’t know. She knocked out after I kissed her. If I’m lucky, they’re talking. I miss Jess. I miss Cloud.” I pulled my hind legs up and hugged them to my chest. “I miss their trust.”
“Hey...” Rhea said, coming over to the bed and resting her forehoof on me. “I trust you. You saved my life. You’re totally trustworthy.”
“Thanks, Rhea,” I replied, my voice soft. “That’s very kind of you.”
Rhea’s head cocked and the expression changed. “But I’m not your marefriend,” she said sagely with a smile.
She blinked. Ah, there was Night Shade.
“Yeah, that happens sometimes,” I said with a laugh. “You’ll get used to it.”
“Night! Don’t do that! I’m freaked out enough as it is!”
Trying to take my worries off the pegasus twitching in her sleep next to me, I leaned down from the bed to give Rhea a focused inspection.
“You are freaked out. Why?”
Rhea’s expression deadpanned. “Really?”
“Yeah.”
She rolled her eyes.
“Look, I know you’re all ‘yay, I’m a pegasus and I fusion danced and it’s great,’ but me? Oh no. This was- No. I just really liked the show, I don’t- I don’t want to be a pony! Especially a unicorn! I could hurt someone with my magic.” She shivered. “And Night Shade keeps. Making. Dumb. Suggestions!”
“Like what?”
“New York? Dumb idea. If I hadn’t gone along with it, y’all would’ve found me and we could’ve called Carlisle and everything would’ve been fine. Instead, I listened to her, got kidnapped and she’s all ‘let me take over, I can levitate his stupid bean can’ and I’m all ‘he’s a bad guy! We can’t let him use magic!’”
I smiled. “Thought you said you were too nervous to use your horn.”
“I was! Am!” She scowled, a blush creeping up her deep blue neck. “Same thing!”
“Sounds like you were being brave to me.”
Her expression pinched in confusion. “Say what now?”
“You didn’t give the bad guy your magic. Yeah, most of that was because you were scared you’d blow up his macguffin, but you were brave. You saved the day before Cloud and I even showed up.”
She scrunched her face further, mulling it over.
“You know,” she said, face opening up. “You’re not very like that fanfiction.”
I shrugged. “Post fusion. I’m not the Blossomforth you know.”
I blinked, feeling my stomach drop.
“I’m not... Oh. Oh, stars.”
We, as thinking creatures, can have two kinds of knowing: intellectual and emotional. Intellectually, I knew that my fusion had been why Jess had despaired. Intellectually, I knew that same fusion was why Cloud was suspicious of me and angry at me. Emotionally, though, I hadn’t made those leaps. Right here, talking with Rhea, I found the emotions. The emptiness. The disconnect between the two personalities I was and the pony I had become.
“You okay?” Rhea asked.
I slumped off the bed, a longer fall than it ever had been as a human.
On the floor, I looked up and realized how much taller Rhea was than me. She was slimmer too. Oh yeah. Pegasi ran small.
I looked over at Cloud, her mane peeking up over the bed. I reached a hoof up and stroked her muzzle.
“I’m so sorry,” I said, tears in my big, pony eyes. “I didn’t know.”
I started crying.
And Rhea, who didn’t have a clue as to why I had started sobbing, who had already shouldered enough that day, who didn’t really have a clear picture as to what was going on, reached over and pulled me into a hug. She rocked me back and forth, saying soothing things.
I don’t remember what she said. I just remember it was what I needed: the sounds of someone who understood. Even if you haven’t known them that long, they understood you hurt and were willing to help. The kindness of other ponies.
Life is surprising like that.