The fact that the entire capitalist army was watching said more than enough about how entertaining the situation was at the moment.
It was the battle of the titans, and no one knew who was going to win: the host of the True Capitalists Radio or the always smiling pink pony who saw a new friend in Ghost. The fact that someone wanted to become his friend – safe for Karasz Kun, but rumor has it that he was hired by Ghost – was quite a shocker, but then again, it was Pinkie Pie they were talking about…
In any event, this clash of the titans would make a very interesting half an hour for the Ponyvillians and the members of the Melting Pot.
The only ones who couldn’t find any amusement in it, were Ghost and Karasz Kun, with the latter for simply not understanding what was going on.
These ponies need testosterone pumped in their flanks… and the others as well! Ghost thought. Are they trying to seduce me now with behaving fruity and all? O, yeah, they did that during season 2 the whole time, so I could have predicted this, but they’re never going to get me… I have been prepared for this! They will never get me in their stupid herd, because I have never seen an episode of that fruity pony crap! Yeah, they are that fruity, I just can’t watch them. and now, with that, they will never get me… pieces of crap… o yeah, show me what you’ve got, you pink disgusting talking horse for 8 year old girl waste of pony life! Should’ve been turned into horse meat…
“…and now you have lots and lots of friends!” Pinkie said with a grin. “Just the way you like it, Mr. Melting pot of friendship!”
“My friends are waiting for me on Sixth Street, right now! I could be having miller time, drinking beer and Johnny Walker black label and all that stuff!” Ghost yelled at her. “Stupid fruit bowl talking horse piece of crap!”
Ghost thought he heard Elfoxoloco sing ‘Johnny Walker sixth harvest’, but he ignored it. first, he had to show off this pink thing. then, he would educate Elfoxoloco about his language!
Pinkie looked at him full of hope, thinking she could easily convert the grumpy Earth pony into a happy, nice and friendly pony.
“Your friends are with you right here, Johnny!” Pinkie said while smiling. She then patted him on the shoulder with a hoof. “Ghostie, there, there… if there is any problem, you can tell auntie Pinkie all about it!”
“Auntie?! I’m at least twenty years older than you, you sorry sack of crap!”
“Of course you are, Ghostie… but what is the problem, actually?” Pinkie asked. Then she hugged him. “Sometimes all we need is just a good friend to help us out.”
Is this really happening? Ghost thought, flabbergasted. Did that horse just hug me? What is it with all this hugging? Is this freaking Care Bears? What is going on with this crap?! I’m GETTING INFESTED BY PONIES---
This scene made Asho and Suspicious da’www, but they did it more because they wanted to insult Ghost rather than they would find Pinkie’s scene heartwarming – although it looked like that, anyway. Karasz Kun just stood there, without having any clue about what was going on. From inside a store, Elfoxoloco, Equestrian Citizen and his daughter were looking through the window to see the scene unfolding before their own eyes. They didn’t dare to come outside in case Ghost would get a meltdown, but it wasn’t something they’d like to miss… It was something the like they had never seen before.
But unbeknownst to anypony out there at that moment, the hug did something to Ghost. What it exactly was, no one can explain it till this day. Some ponies say it was the magic, love, kindness and the friendship of Equestria that had hit the Ghostler. Some say that it was some goodness in the heart of the grumpy capitalist that was hidden but now came to life thanks to Pinkie Pie. That, however, was quickly dismissed by the members of the capitalist army safe for Suspicious Tumbleweed, Karasz Kun, the Engineer and Tzeki. Elfoxoloco however counterclaimed that those 4 – ‘Tumble flat chest’, ‘aspie Karasz Burgers’, ‘the real host’ and ‘that weird British dude that was always fighting Goofy Bone’ as he called them – were in fact brainwashed by Ghost during the shows and that their opinion was thus biased anyway, something in which the rest of the capitalist army agreed on.
But now we are going back to Ghost. Ghost was still dumbstruck as he felt something he has never felt before.. that strange love… not like romance, but more like that someone cared for him and wanted to protect him… no, he had felt it before, to be precise the last time he had hugged the corpse of his grandma… that was one other moment he would never forget. It was that moment that the police had come in because the family was keeping granny’s corpse, for already 10 years. Ghost had never known her, but he had always felt her love and was taught by his father that she was a great woman.
Ghost felt that love once again – again, it was nothing romantic, but it was something else: caring, friendship, sharing…. Socialism. Communism. The love of –
WHAT?!
ARE THOSE LIBERAL SOVIET RUSSIAN MIDGETS NOW TRYING TO CONVERT ME TO COMMUNISM?!
THOSE SORRY PIECES OF…
The next thing the ponies and the capitalists heard was an enormous shout, a cry, something that made everypony take a few steps backwards. But Pinkie still hugged him. The cry was something that could not be described – it was not like the time Ghost went raging so hard he went Super Saiyan - no, this time it was like he realized he was betrayed and lost something. Asho remarked later on that he had hoped that Pinkie’s actions would cure him of hambone-disease, something he and Suspicious had warned the doctors about.
Suspicious and Asho had backed down and watched everything happen from behind a barrel. They figured it was a safe place to stay in case Ghost would have a meltdown.
The only ones that were watching that hadn’t taken cover were the Engineer and Karasz Kun. The former was just loyal to his master while the latter had no idea of the danger. Suspicious Tumbleweed wanted to protect him, and whistled.
Karasz Kun noticed that, and trotted towards them. He didn’t, however, see them… while Asho and Suspicious were taking cover behind a barrel he was standing across from!
Suspicious whistled again, and then Karasz Kun noticed the two.
“What are you doing there?” he asked them.
Suspicious looked straight at him. “Just get behind this barrel. It is getting really dangerous!”
“What? Wháát?!”
“I said it is going to be dangerous! Now come here!” Suspicious said, annoyed. She then came from behind her cover and shoved with her head against his flank urging him to get behind the barrel. Asho made some room, and then both Suspicious and Karasz Kun placed themselves there. While Suspicious and Asho lowered their heads and only had their foreheads and eyes above the barrel, Karasz Kun just sat there, unknowing what was going on.
“Karasz, you engañe, Ghost is going to have a meltdown! Just. Take. Cover!” Asho whispered.
“Why?”
“Because Pinkie is giving Ghost a meltdown, that’s why!”
“O, come on, guys… Pinkie and Ghost are just having fun together! Because he is a real melting pot of friendship!”
“Imbecil…” Asho whispered.
“Wháát? What?” Karasz Kun said with a weird voice. “Whát do you mean?”
Suspicious facehoofed, but remained calm, and went on to look for how Ghost and Pinkie were doing.
And what she saw there, she wouldn’t forget for the rest of her live.
Ghost his yelling was coming to an end, and he…
Ghost…
Ghost was starting to sob.
It was like he was regretting something… or an action in his life. Pinkie let him go, and now Ghost fell into the shoulder of the Engineer (who came to see his master) and started sobbing on his shoulders.
“There, there, Johnny…” Pinkie said. “Everything will be just fine. All your friends are here!”
“nja-aah-neigh-aa-aa-aah!” the Engineer remarked.
“Don’t be so fruity, Engineer…” Ghost said, completely taken down.
Then, Ghost shrugged off the Engineer and walked away from the scene. “I need a Johnny Walker… right now!” the Engineer followed him, as well as Karasz Kun who came from behind the barrel. The other capitalists, however, as well as the ponies of Ponyville waited for a second, and then came onto the street.
Twilight was the first one who talked to Pinkie. “Pinkie!” she called her.
Pinkie turned around and gave a big grin.
“Pinkie, how could you?” Twilight said to her. “ For all we know that human could’ve…”
Pinkie still smiled, and Twilight just sighed. “you know what? I don’t understand humans anymore. These humans are so much different from what I’ve read in Lyra’s books… and I think only somepony as random as you can handle them.” She then gave a sigh. “Good luck.”
Pinkie nodded. “Okie-dokie-lokie! Just leave this itty-bitty problem to me!” she then turned her head towards Ghost, who was walking away. “I like him!”
Twilight facehoofed and sighed, but then concluded that Pinkie was just too random to reason with… and maybe she would convert that grumpy human, who knew? No matter about that now… I still have an assignment to work on, Twilight thought. That weird human-pony will hopefully not cause any trouble… I hope… She then walked back towards the library.
Asho, Suspicious, Elfoxoloco, Equestrian Citizen, Becky, NavyHusky and Tzeki followed Pinkie, who went back to work at Sugarcube Corner. It was the place they all had heard of so many times and had seen a few times in the series, and they now truly wanted to see the place like how it was.
Except for some rages coming from Ghost, (much to the dismay of his loyal dog the Engineer who had followed him) the town of Ponyville didn’t have to suffer Ghost his wrath.
The other capitalists, however, got a hard time… but it wasn’t coming from Ghost…
Canterlot, Royal Guard recruitment center, same time
Shining Armor was in charge of overseeing the new arrivals in Equestria, but that had become an unbearable task, especially since many of the humans had already spread across Equestria. Instead, he had given orders to some ponies in the towns across Equestria where the human came to tell them to keep an eye on the humans and help then if they would need it. He still needed to write a letter to Mayor Mare of Ponyville about the situation, but he figured he could do that after talking to his new recruits.
That was correct. About half of all humans that came into Equestria directly went for the military. It was not a real surprise, especially since humans were known to be very capable at warfare. And with them being grateful for being taken to Equestria, they can become loyal assets if the Griffin Empire would try something, Shining figured.
The humans were going to be formed into two new battalions: one would reinforce the troops around the griffin border, the other one would be stationed at the bases nearby Manehattan. The latter one was vital in case there would be war with the griffins. If Manehattan would fall, then Las Pegasus and even Canterlot would come into immediate danger. Luckily, I now got some reinforcements…
Shining felt lucky he got these reinforcements, mostly because a lot of his troops had signed off after the Changeling invasion. They were too frightened for military life. And then leave the country defenseless for other invasions? Figures… leave the military right when it needs you most.
But now he got some fine new stallions…
Shining Armor walked into the courtyard to witness the human-ponies lined up there. There were about thirty of them. Lieutenant Sparky Sprint walked towards Shining. “All human-ponies from the first battalion are accounted for, sir. We are awaiting further instructions.”
Shining took a good look at the group. If they were ponies, he would scold at them for their lack of discipline. They were smirking and giving whispers to one another. This was an act of insubordination when an officer would be present… but then again, they were from a different planet and perhaps had different customs in their military. They would learn how to behave themselves soon enough. It was something that could be taken care of later. Right now, he had to find out how to train this bunch and get them combat-ready.
If he could find an appropriate leader, of course. Shining Armor had a lot of capable and loyal lieutenants at his disposal, (some didn’t even have a squad anymore because too many recruits had resigned after the Changeling invasion) but Shining figured that the humans would be most loyal towards somepony who was one of them – Shining thus had to pick one.
You know what? Let them decide, Shining thought. Hopefully, those humans know who should become their leader.
He nodded to Sparky Sprint, and then walked towards one of the humans. It was a brown stallion with a black mane. He took a good look at him and then looked at him right in the eye to make sure he got his attention. “Human.”
“Yes, sir!” the human-pony responded.
“What is your name?”
“My name is Vince, sir. Vince in the Bay.”
“hm.”
Shining had the idea that these humans knew each other back on Earth.
“Soldier, listen. Do you know any of these guys from back home?”
Vince nodded. “More than half of them.”
“Hm. And tell me, human, who do you believe is capable to be in charge of this bunch of losers?”
The humans started to whisper among each other, something that Shining had intended to cut out. “Silence!” he shouted. “I believe Mr. Vince here is capable of giving that answer himself. Remember: out here, in the Equestrian Army, you only speak when you are spoken too. Understand?”
Everypony nodded.
“Good. ” Shining then turned to the brown earth pony again. “now tell me, who do you believe should be the leader?”
Vince pointed to somepony who was standing in front. “That guy, sir. The dark brown unicorn with black mane.”
The other ponies nodded and agreed regarding Vince’s choice. Shining gave sigh of relief. No endless debate about who should be in charge at least…
So a lot of you guys got a brown coat and black manes… Shining Armor remarked. The group that went to Ponyville was much more diverse, but okay.
Shining Armor walked over to the unicorn that Jackie had pointed out. Shining then looked at him. “So… do you believe that you can lead this bunch?”
“Of course, ma’ nigga, I’ve been doing that for a lóóóng time. It will be just like that capitalizing that I’ve been doing!”
“So,” Shining Armor said. “Can you tell me what your name is?”
“Of course! They call me… the Ghetto Capitalist, baby!”
“Can you tell me something about your earlier occupations, Lieutenant?”
“I’ve been living of the welfare system, baby! And of course, the charity has been a very successful source of income!”
Whatever that is supposed to mean… how can you actually make money from a charity? And what does ‘’welfare system’’ mean? It must be something human, I suppose… Shining thought. Well then, let’s get this over with.
“If you can lead your own men like you claim you can…” Shining said. “You will have to go through officer training. It is a course that takes three weeks. During that period, you will be taught how to lead your own stallions into battle. Think you can handle it?”
“Of course, baby!”
Then, Shining looked towards the other human-ponies. “The normal recruits will also have a fresh course that takes three weeks. It will hopefully teach you something on how to behave in the Equestrian army, because I’ve been looking at you, and you guys are even chattering more than a little fillies’ class! Now ten-hut!”
No reaction. How can I be so stupid? These humans of course don’t know what that is.
Shining then turned to lieutenant Sparky Sprint. “I want these rookies trained in the next three weeks, lieutenant. You think you and the others can handle it?”
Sparky nodded. “Yes, sir!”
Shining nodded. “Good. I will now report to the princess. After that, I will oversee the training of the second battalion myself.” and write some letters to Ponyville and Las Pegasus…
“Understood, sir!” Sparky said.
While Shining walked away, he saw and heard how Sparky had already begun disciplining the stallions. He is a capable soldier. he can make it, Shining thought. Hopefully, the second battalion will not be as hard as this one…
Ponyville, Sugarcube Corner
The capitalists – safe for Ghost, the Engineer and Karasz Kun – had walked into Sugarcube Corner. It was the same place they recognized from the show… it even felt that way, Suspicious thought.
Although they didn’t have that much money, Suspicious figured it was a good way to celebrate their arrival in Ponyville – and the fact that Pinkie trolled Ghost extremely hard, although she didn’t even realize it – by having some cakes and some soda, something in which the other capitalists agreed on. Asho wanted a cupcake, while the others settled for a muffin.
Their orders were being taken from Mrs. Cake, who was very polite and with curiosity towards the humans. After she took the orders and gave them to her husband, she tried to start a conversation with the humans.
“So, dears, how do you like it here in Ponyville?”
“It is better than I had hoped!” Suspicious said. “We hadn’t really expected it to be this…” she was searching for the word. “…peaceful.”
Tzeki nodded. “It is a particularly good place to begin our new lives. It was a bit unexpected perhaps, but we’re grateful nonetheless.”
“well, dear,” Mrs. Cake asked Tzeki. “Can I ask you a question? Are you perhaps from Manechester? You sound like it.”
“No… not exactly,” Tzeki replied.
“O, silly me,” Mrs. Cake said. “I should’ve known that you are from Earth…”
“Well, technically, I’m from Manchester, so you weren’t that far off…” Tzeki said.
“Ah, yes… and what is your name, actually?” Mrs. Cake asked him.
“My name is Tzeki, madam.”
“Tzeki?! O, well, then I’ve heard about you! Your friend is sitting at that table over there!” she then turned towards a table near a window, where two ponies were having a conversation. “Mr. Goofy Bone?”
What happened next was likely to end the good mood the capitalists were in. An earth pony stood up from across the table. It had a long, white muzzle and black fur. It had a cutie mark in – what could it be else – a bone.
Goofy Bone took a good look at the table.
“Tzeki.” He said eventually. “We meet again.”
He then turned his face to the other capitalists. “And you guys must be… Suspicious… Asho and Ghetto Capitalist, right?”
“Equestrian Citizen.” EC corrected him. “And this right here is ma daughter, Becky.”
“Well, you nigga’s all look the same, especially when you’re ponies. Sorry.” Goofy Bone tried to apologize, but of course, he only made things worse.
Mrs. Cake felt the tension and backed off towards the kitchen.
Equestrian Citizen however was wise enough not to cause a stir, but let Tzeki handle it. Suspicious saw how Equestrian Citizen looked expectantly to Tzeki, and agreed with him. Tzeki kicked Goofy Bone’s ass so many times, it shouldn’t be that hard.
Although the other capitalists were a bit frightened (as they knew how harsh Goofy Bones’ attitude could be), Asho on the other hand was amused and asked Mr. Cake at the counter for a bucket of popcorn. Suspicious didn’t blame him, and found it rather amusing.
Tzeki and Goofy Bone didn’t say anything, but just stared at one another. It was of course a sign that old friends were meeting each other again…
…only to be interrupted by a dog growling at them, which caused Goofy Bone to jump up.
“Yo, motherbucker… what was that?!” he yelled.
“That is a dog, Mr. Mexican!” Elfoxoloco said. “And of course, he will bit bad ponies! You should know that.”
“Shut up! And how do you know I’m a Mexican? You’re Mexican yourself, right? And a Brony at that!” Goofy Bone argued.
“Actually, I’m Irish. And I’m more of a Furry rather than being a Brony.” Elfoxoloco said.
NavyHuskie growled again.
“Can someone please shut that dog up? I’m scared of dogs, man!” Goofy Bone said. “From who is that dog anyway?”
The capitalists looked at one another, not certain what to answer. Was NavyHuskie actually somepony’s property? It didn’t look like it.
“If that dog is from nobody, then it needs to put down, man! That beast could be rabid!”
“It is my dog!” a colt shouted. The capitalists turned their heads to see that it was coming from Asho. “Mine and Suspicious’, actually.”
“Is this true?” Goofy Bone asked Suspicious Tumbleweed.
Suspicious nodded. “It is.”
Goofy Bone took a step backwards, and NavyHuskie growled again. it was clear that he didn’t like Goofy Bone.
“What is his name?” Goofy Bone asked Asho.
“His name is NavyHuskie.”
Goofy Bone’s eyes widened in shock. “Navy Dumbass Huskie? Really?” he took a moment to recollect himself, sighed and then walked away, out of the coffee corner. “Dumbasses…”
Elfoxoloco and Equestrian Citizen sighed. That was out of the way, at least… but now they faced a new problem.
“What are we going to do about NavyHuskie?” Elfoxoloco asked. “He needs an owner…”
“Yes, he has been a wonderful audio-splicer earlier on. He deserves a good owner,” Tzeki said. he then patted NavyHuskie with a hoof. “Question is, who of us is it going to be?”
Suspicious Tumbleweed looked around the room, and then said: “What about me? And Asho? I’m sure Asho will like it… right Asho?”
Asho looked up and nodded, expectantly. “Of course I do, Suspicious! I’ve always wanted to get a dog!”
The other capitalists nodded. Suspicious and Asho - who were almost like brother and sister – were the right ones to take care of NavyHuskie. Although they had used it as a lie to get rid of Goofy Bone, it indeed was the most logical thing to those two be the owners of him. Plus, Asho and NavyHuskie would become the best of friends, Suspicious thought.
While NavyHuskie wagged his tail happy and was getting petted by Asho, Mrs. Cake came in with the ordered muffins, cupcakes and drinks.
“So…” Mrs. Cake asked. “Do you know where you all are going to be staying?”
Suspicious nodded. “There is a student dorm around the edge of town where we can stay…”
“Ah, yes, I’ve heard about that,” Mrs. Cake. “Funny, actually. There isn’t even a university here… but sometimes some young ponies stay there before they buy their own apartment.”
“Well, that is our goal too, Mrs. Cake.” Tzeki said. “And we are of course grateful for the hospitality of the Equestrians.”
“Oh, you’re very welcome,” Mrs. Cake replied. “I am a bit more concerned about one of your friends though… Mr. Goofy Bone called him Ghostler…”
“Ah, yes, Mr. Ghostler,” Asho said. “He’s a bit grumpy, but he’s our lizard Jewish hambone and we care for the old grumpy Brony, aren’t we guys?”
The others laughed. Mrs. Cake didn’t understand what Asho meant by it, but chuckled a bit.
“…and if it is the last thing I’ll do, I will go back to Earth and go to Sixth street! And those talking horses aren’t going to stop me!”
“naaa-aaah-aah-neigh-aah!”
“Whááaát? What? How are we going to get back, then? Do you have any idea?” Karasz Kun objected.
“I don’t care… but when I will find the ones responsible, I will give them, punitive damages! And you can tell them all I said that!” Ghost ranted.
“So beware, ponies…” Ghost shouted to no one in particular. “For this capitalist will whoop your asses and make horse meat out of them! BWAHAHAAHAHAHAHAH!”