//------------------------------// // Chapter 5 // Story: Alula and Diamond Tiara's Adventures in Romance // by Yukito //------------------------------// Usually, whenever I make plans with Silver Spoon to meet me at my house, Alula just finds out through her own mysterious way and drops in to join us. Today, however, I actually invited Alula along personally as her skills were required. And I’m regretting that decision right now, because she showed up thirty minutes ago, well before the designated time, and has been talking nonstop about the stupid record she broke in the last high jump competition. Like. I. CARE! It shouldn’t be long now. Silver Spoon should be here any second now, and we can then move onto the matter at hoof. Just endure this for a few more- “Alula! How many times do I have to tell you not to touch my perfume! It’s expensive!” “I was just looking!” “Look with your eyes, not your hooves! This wouldn’t suit you anyway. It’s for high-class ponies, like me and Silver Spoon.” She pouts as I take the bottle away from her and place it back where it belongs: on my vanity table. “Well then, what does suit me?” “A bath and some shampoo,” I answer in a flat tone. She looks around at my other beauty products, so I stand guard to make sure she doesn’t touch any this time. “I don’t see anything like that,” she says, giving me a confused look. Is she serious? She thinks I was referring to a perfume or something? No, what I mean is that you should wash yourself before you even think about prettying yourself up. “Anything here that would suit me? Something I could afford, maybe?” “No, noth-” … Well, actually, now that I think about it… “Uh, actually, there’s this product here that might just work for you… Ah, here it is.” I grab the pink bottle and point it at Alula. “Close your eyes.” She does so, and I spray some of the perfume on her. Blech. Just as I remember, it’s something I would never be caught dead wearing outside. But… for her, it actually works somewhat. “So? How is it?” she asks. Her face is slightly red… I hope she’s not having an allergic reaction. My dad would kill me if that happened! “Uh, it…” I take one sniff to give an honest answer, and… it’s actually not so bad. It’s weird; on me, this stuff smells horrible, but on Alula, it’s like it suits her perfectly. And it actually smells kind of nice. “Diamond?” She takes a step closer to me, and for some reason, I step back really quickly. “I-It’s alright!” She smiles, and takes a whiff of her own hair. “Uh, it actually works better on you than I thought it would. You can keep the bottle, if you want… It doesn’t smell good on me anyway.” “I’m sure it does!” she answers quickly. “Everything smells good on you, Diamond!” W-What?! What’s that supposed to mean?! I mean, it’s obvious, and everypony knows it, but saying flat out like that is just… weird! “And your mane is always so neat and tidy, too. You must spend ages brushing it every morning.” Uh, duh! “Well, of course! Don’t you? You’re a filly too, after all.” Alula shakes her head. “No way. It’ll just become messy again anyway, so what’s the point?” … Are you serious? Are you for real?! “You mean, you’ve never brushed your mane even once?!” “Well, a few times, like for Hearth’s Warming Eve. But not often.” I-I can’t believe this! Alula’s a filly, just like me, yet she doesn’t take enough pride in her appearance to tidy up her mane or was her body more than two times a week! I’d expect this of that hick Apple Balloon, but Alula? The filly who clearly has good tastes since she wants to be friends with me? “Uh, something wrong, Diamond?” “… Ugh, fine then! Since I feel so bad for you, I’ll show you how to brush your mane.” “W-What?!” Don’t back away from me! I’m trying to help you here! “N-No, really, it’s fi-” “Just sit down and let me help you!” She immediately nods her head and sits down on the chair behind her. I grab my brush and walk around so that I’m standing behind her. Why is she shaking so much? I’m just brushing her hair, it’s not exactly something to be worried about. Especially when you consider how well I brush my own mane. “Ow!” she moans as I run the brush through her hair for the fifth time. “Hey, stop being so rough…” “I’m not, you just have so many tangles in your hair! This is what happens when you don’t brush it.” “If it’s just gonna hurt, why can’t I just keep it un-brushed for the rest of my life?” “Because you’re a filly! You’re supposed to do your best to look pretty! Especially when you’re older and you want your special somepony to think you’re cute.” “‘C-Cute’?” I run the brush through her mane for the twentieth time, and find another knot. “OW! … W-Well, if it’s what you want, then I guess I can bear with it, for now…” What I want? Idiot, it’s not that I want you to look good. I would just feel bad for you if you future coltfriend dumped you because you look like that tomboy Scotchroll. Besides… your mane really is pretty when it’s treated right. It’s a shame you don’t take enough pride in your appearance… “A-hem!” I stop stroking Alula’s mane and turn around to- WAIT! I-I was stroking her mane?! W-W-When did- How did- WHY?! I admit that it’s pretty, and smooth, but why would that make me start doing something like that?! “Am I interrupting something?” “Di’s just brushing my mane for me,” Alula says. Good, so she didn’t notice that I was… But what about Silver Spoon? “Oh? Is that all?” Silver Spoon asks, giving me that stupid, smart grin of hers, like she knows everything that I’m thinking, and also everything that I was just doing. “Should I come back later then?” “Yeah, sure,” Alula says, causing Silver Spoon to turn to leave. “No, wait!” I shout as I chase after Silver Spoon, leaving the brush tangled in Alula’s mane. “OW! D-Di, wait! Get this thing out of my hair!” Today, I’m hanging out at Diamond Tiara’s house once again with Diamond and Silver Spoon. Only this time, I got here early because she didn’t forget to tell me about our meeting. It was awesome, up until the point that Silver Spoon butted in on us. I got to take a look around Diamond’s room and catch up on what had changed in her life. She wasn’t very talkative, save for ‘put that down’ or ‘be careful with that’, but it was pretty early in the morning. I also got to try some of Diamond’s perfume, and she complimented me on how great I smelled. And then, Diamond offered to brush my mane for me. At first I was reluctant, but when she mentioned that she wanted me to look cute even when we’re older, I just couldn’t refuse her. So I let her brush my mane, even if it was a little… okay, a lot painful. But for the sake of my and Diamond Tiara’s future, I was willing to power through it! And then… Silver Spoon came in. So after Diamond caught up to Silver Spoon and brought her back here, the two worked together to free the brush from my tangled mane. It hurt a lot. Many tears were shed. But eventually, the darn thing came out, with only minimal amounts of pain (which I think was all Silver Spoon’s fault). “Now then, you two,” Diamond Tiara says as soon as Silver Spoon and I are standing at attention like she asked us to, “I’m sure you’re both wondering why I called you here today.” “To play video games?” I ask, receiving a headshake in response. “To play brushie with Alula?” Silver Spoon asks with a giggle. Brushie? I’ve heard that term before… Brushie… Brushie… Ah, isn’t that what ponies do to doll with brushable manes? Wait, is she saying I’m a doll?! … Wait, is that a good thing or a bad thing? “N-No!” Diamond Tiara shouts, her face turning red as she glares at me. Why is her face red? And why is she glaring at me like that? Did I do something wrong? “No, that’s not why.” Silver Spoon giggles again. What’s going on? Am I missing something here? “So, what’s up then?” Silver Spoon asks. “You said you needed my charm and grace to help you with a matter of upmost urgency.” “And you said you needed me for my working-class citizen skills!” … Wait, now that I think about it, that doesn’t sound that great. Nah, I’m just over-thinking it! If my abilities are helpful to Diamond Tiara, then that’s all that matters! “That’s right! Something awful has happened outside of Barnyard Bargain’s main store here in Ponyville, and I need both of you to help me through this!” “‘Something awful’?” Silver Spoon asks. “Like what? Is it a strike?” “No, something much worse!” I lean in to hear what she has to say. If my Diamond Tiara is in trouble, I will do whatever I can to- “That hick Apple Balloon and her friend Twist have started an apple juice stand right outside of the store!” … Uh, okay? So… “And?” “‘AND’?! Don’t you realise what this means?!” “… That Apple Bloom and Twist are looking to earn a little extra pocket money?” Silver Spoon answers. “It’s something that poor ponies do all the time. Why, even Alula had that job with the newspaper stand a while back.” “Yeah.” … Wait a minute… “Hey! I’m not poor! I just wanted to buy the new Megamare, that’s all…” “In any case,” Silver Spoon continues, “I don’t think it’s anything to worry about.” “Ordinarily, I would agree with you! However, this is happening right outside of my father’s store! And you know what that means!” Unfortunately, I don’t. And from the look on Silver Spoon’s face, she doesn’t either. “It means that they’re invading our turf! It’s declaration of war!” “Ooooh…” I guess that makes sense? “Wait, we have turf?” Diamond nods. “Oooooh… Wait, what’s turf?” “It means territory.” Silver Spoon the bookworm to the rescue once again. “Basically, by selling their product in our territory, it’s like they’re trying to take over and run us out of business.” “Exactly!” Diamond Tiara announces with a big smile on her face. Darn it, Silver Spoon made her smile again, instead of me! I’ve got to step up my game. “I knew that!” There! How d’you like that? “Then why did you ask?” … Touché. “Uh… to see if you knew, of course.” “… Uh-huh… Anyway, Diamond? You do realise we don’t have our own business? What exactly are they trying to run us out of?” “We don’t have a business yet!” Diamond Tiara bucks the wall behind her, and a scroll opens up before us, revealing a large poster of what appears to be a few crudely drawn oranges being melted into liquid form above some badly drawn glasses. Diamond’s drawings are always so adorable. “Introducing: the Princess Diamond Spoon Orange Corporation Limited!” “That’s a mouthful,” Silver Spoon says. “‘Princess’?” “Well, it was difficult to work Alula’s name into it,” Diamond Tiara says as she walks over to me. “Close your eyes.” My heart skips a beat, and I feel my face heating up. “C’mon! Close your eyes already!” “O-Okay!” I do as I’m told and close my eyes. Is she gonna kiss me? Right here in front of Silver Spoon? Since when did Diamond get so bold? Not that I’m complaining, but- “There!” Huh? ‘There’? “Open your eyes.” I open them, and see Diamond Tiara standing away from me. What just happened. “Princess Erroria, Diamond Tiara, and Silver Spoon!” Princess Erroria? Wait, that means… Yep. There’s a fake horn on my head. “Uh… where’d you get this?” “You left it here last time you came over,” Diamond answers. “FYI, you’re also our company mascot.” “Cool! What do I do?” I’m not sure what’s going on exactly, but it sounds like it’ll be fun! And in any event, I’ll be spending time with Diamond, which is always a plus. “Your image will be on our advertisement posters all over town, and you’ll also be in charge of making and selling the juice.” She turns her attention to Silver Spoon. “Silver, I need you to spread the word of our new business, and to secure us lots of oranges from that Orange Slice guy.” Silver Spoon gags, and I understand why. The Orange Slice is just creepy, and clearly has a crush on Silver Spoon. “Do I have to? Can’t I just sabotage Apple Bloom’s stand?” “No! That’s my job,” Diamond Tiara says, giggling as she looks over at something on her bed. Looking over myself, I see a huge stack of bags of salt that I somehow missed earlier. Even I can see what she plans to do with that… I just hope she doesn’t get carried away with it. “I’m also the manager, which means that anything I say goes! Silver Spoon, use your charms to get us at least one thousand oranges by the time we’re ready, which should be later this afternoon!” “One thousand’s a little ridiculous,” Silver Spoon says. How dare she speak out against our manager like that? Heh, guess it won’t take much to win the employee of the month award, and more importantly, Diamond Tiara’s favour. “I’ll see what I can do, though.” “Very well. Get to it then!” With a nod, Silver Spoon walks out the room, leaving me and Diamond alone. I guess she’s not so bad sometimes. “As for you, Alula, I’m going to need you to remain perfectly still for about thirty minutes whilst my cousin paints you.” The door opens once more, and a teenage-looking colt walks in, a fake moustache painted on his face and a Cutie Mark of a brush on his flank. “Ah, is this the one Di?” Hey! Don’t call her that! That’s my nickname for her! “I told you not to call me that!” You tell him, Diamond! “And yes. I need you to paint a portrait of her for our orange juice business.” “Uh, question,” I say as I raise my hoof. Diamond nods, so I guess it’s okay to ask it. “Why aren’t we just using a camera to take a photograph?” “Because that’s what Apple Balloon did!” she answers, quite loudly. “We’re not going to use the same, lame tactics that the enemy uses! Besides, this’ll show that we’re much more sophisticated, and dedicated, and… stuff.” “Uh…” “Argh! Look, just remain still until he’s done and then make and sell orange juice afterwards, and I’ll give you a thirty-three percent cut!” Well, that does sound like a lot of money. “Yes, ma’am, Di! You can count on me!” I answer with a salute. She nods her head and walks towards the door. “I’m going to go gather materials for our stand, and hire somepony to put it together for us. If you’re done before I get back, just… find some way to pass the time that doesn’t involve touching anything, okay?” “I’ll do my best!” She leaves the room, and I turn my attention to the colt, who is setting up a painting stand. “So… what do I need to do, exactly.” “Hmmm… How about we do something simple? Just hold up an orange and show me a smile, okay?” He picks up an orange from Diamond’s bed and throw it at me. I catch it, quite expertly, if I do say so myself. “Hey, nice catch!” “Thanks! I’m pretty good at sports and athletic stuff.” Let’s see… Hold up the orange… turn to face the colt… smile wide… Maybe not so wide. “How’s this?” “Perfect! Now don’t move.” Easier said than done. But this is for Diamond, so I can take it. After a few minutes of silence, he stops painting for a moment and gives me a smile. “So, how exactly do you and Di know each other? You don’t exactly have the look of wealth or high-class.” Uh… is it okay for me to talk like this? “You can talk, by the way,” he says with a laugh. “Uh… D-Di and I are fillyfriends.” He seems to choke at that, but only for a second. “W-What?” “Sorry, it’s just… Wow. She’s never mentioned anything about having a fillyfriend before.” “She’s pretty shy about it.” Yep. My little Diamond has that adorable little shy side that nopony else knows about but me. “It start about a year ago, actually.” “Interesting… I always figured she’d end up with Silver Spoon, the way they’re always together.” Ugh. Is that what other ponies think? “Well, I do feel bad for Silver Spoon. I mean, she clearly feels something towards Di. Maybe that’s why Di is so quiet about our relationship?” “Well, congratulations, in any case.” Huh… I guess he’s not so bad. But then, he’s related to Diamond Tiara, so of course he isn’t. “So, what is it about my cousin that you like exactly?” What is it about her that I like? Pfft! It’d be easier to make a list of the things I don’t like. “Well… she was really brave when she stood up for me against some bullies from Manehatten.” “She did that? Heh. Guess she takes after auntie there.” “And she was so kind and caring when she checked to see if I was okay. And as I spent more time with her, I found all these other qualities to her that just made me for in love with her ev… en… more…” O-Oh my goodness. What am I saying to this total stranger?! “That’s good!” he says, pointing his brush towards me. “Red and yellow together make orange!” He laughs at his lame joke, and I’m sure my face has just gone even redder than it already was. “A-Anyway… Di’s the most awesome filly in the entire school! She’s cool, she’s witty, she’s resourceful, she’s graceful, she’s brave, she’s talented, she’s-” “Okay, okay. I think I get the picture.” He gets back to his painting, and we’re silent again for another few seconds. “She seems to have many of uncle’s qualities. Which I guess is good, considering she’s always talking about taking over the family business.” Oh yeah. Diamond’s brought that up many times before. I guess that’s why she’s so competitive about this whole apple juice and orange juice thing. To her, it must be like practice for the real thing. Like how I get competitive in Gym class and training events, even when there’s really nothing on the line. … “Uh-oh.” A familiar feeling just passed through my body. “Uh… C-Can I be excused to use the bathroom?” “Hmmm… Not bad, Alula. Not bad.” She not only managed to stay still for the painting, but she also took the liberty of completing the poster herself, and actually did a decent job of it. I see she can be useful when she wants to be. And she’s not the worst looking filly in the world. “I think I might consider making you our model again in the future.” “Really?!” Well, she seems happy about that, which means she’ll also come cheap. “Yes! I’ll do my best for you, Di!” “Don’t call me Di.” … Ugh. It’s happened so many times now, I’ve sort of lost interest in scolding her for it. “Look, just… get this to the post office and have them make one hundred copies. Here’s the money you’ll need.” “Yes ma’am!” Alula runs out the door, almost crashing into Silver Spoon on her way out as she walks in. I’m not even going to bother telling her not to run in my house this time. It’d just be wasted breath, and at least she isn’t strangling me to death. “So, how’d it go? Did we get one thousand oranges?” Silver shakes her head. “Uh, not quite…” “So… five hundred?” She shakes her head again. “… Two hundred?” “We got fifty.” … Fifty? Just fifty?! “At a discounted rate. I had him start up a tab for us. If we want more, we’ll have to use some of the profits from our sales to buy them later.” “Darn it! That’s what I was hoping to avoid! More time making supply runs means less time making business!” “Sorry cuz,” my stupid cousin says, “But that’s how it is sometimes in the business world. Things don’t always run so smoothly.” “Hmph! You’re already done with that painting, why are you still here?!” As I feared he would, he raises his hoof and lands it on my head, roughing up my mane and embarrassing my in front of Silver Spoon! “Is it wrong of me to wanna spend some time with my favourite little cousin?” “I’m your only little cousin!” I argue, batting his hoof away and rushing over to my vanity. Ugh, my mane is atrocious! How dare he make a fool out of me like that?! “So, you and Alula…” … Yes? Me and Alula what? And why are you laughing like that? Weirdo. “How long has that been going on?” ‘That’? What, us hanging out together? Or rather, her not leaving me and Silver alone for even one minute of peace and quiet? “About a year now,” Silver Spoon says. “Aah, just like she said! You guys have been together for a year now, huh?” Uh, yeah… I guess it was a year ago that Alula started to hang- bother, the three of us. “And how do you feel about her?” How do I feel? What kind of stupid question is that? “She’s slow, she spaces out all the time, and she doesn’t do well in tests.” “Is that all? No good points?” Why is he even asking me this stuff? “… Well, I guess she’s good at running errands.” Going to have to take this off for now. “Anything else?” “… I guess, she’s also good at sporting events and stuff…” Well, okay, so she has more good points than that. She’s also good at video games, and baking, and knitting and drawing and… Well, she’s basically not so bad for an ordinary filly. If she wasn’t so hyper and clingy all the time, she’d make a pretty good frie- … “Something wrong?” Huh? D-Did he say something? “Um, no. Nothing’s wrong.” Okay, mane looks good enough. Put my tiara back on… There. “Uh, I-I’m going to go set things up. Silver Spoon, you come with me, and help me carry all this salt!” “Huh? Uh, sure…” Silver Spoon and I, along with some colts from school I asked to help us earlier, begin to lug the bags of salt outside, where a wagon is waiting for us with that Apple Balloon’s dopey brother ready to pull it. Hiring the enemy’s family to help out is a sure way to lower morale on their side. I don’t know what my cousin was thinking, asking me questions like that, or why it made me think of Alula like she was actually a close f… friend, but I can’t spend time worrying about that now! I have a job to take care of: showing up that stupid farmer with the obnoxiously large ribbon by beating her at her own game! It’s been a long day. The hours seems to just fly past, and already it’s is early-evening. Time for us to split up and return to our homes for dinner, which I’m really looking forward to, since Diamond only gave me one break today. She can be kind of a tough manager. But then, that’s just another reason why I love her so much. I finish tallying up our final profits, after deducting the cost of all the oranges and the additional help we had to fire throughout the day, as per Diamond’s instructions. “Wow! Look how much money we made!” “Uh, actually…” Silver Spoon reaches a hoof over my calculator and hits the ‘equals’ button. “Oh… Still, that’s quite a lot, right?” “I guess, for a commoner like you.” … So I don’t have as much money as you do. You don’t have to rub it in my face! “Well, to a commoner that’s like, a fortune. I’m sure Alula’s enjoying herself right now, and we should let her.” Aah, Diamond Tiara, you’re so cool when you speak in that rich, upper-class tone of yours! “And now for the moment of truth.” “You think we beat them?” I ask as I look over at Apple Bloom’s stand. She and Twist are starting to pack up, too. “Well, of course we did!” Diamond Tiara says. “The question is by how much. The gap determines how much we can rub it in her face.” Is that really necessary? “Is that how businesses work? Outdo somepony and then rub your success in the loser’s face?” “Pretty much, except you usually buy big buildings with fancy furntiture, instead of directly taunting your opponent. But since we don’t have access to that, this will have to do.” Well, Diamond’s the manager. She knows more about this sort of stuff than I do. “Hey! Apple Balloon!” Diamond Tiara calls out as she walks over to our two rivals. Neither of them seem happy to see us, which I guess means they didn’t do so well. Or maybe it’s just that same old rivalry between Apple Bloom and Diamond acting up again. “So, how’d you do? Not well, I’d imagine.” “It’d be surprising if we did,” Twist says. She sounds kind of annoyed. “Since you were driving away our customers and drawing them towards your own stand.” Oh yeah, Diamond was busy all day making sure that their drinks didn’t sell so well. What was the word she used. ‘Espee… ownage’? Whatever it was, it was apparently one of the keys to a successful business that she learned from her uncle, Crooked Wealth. “Hey, all fair’s in love and war. You could’ve tried the same, you know?” A fair point. I wonder why they didn’t? “Don’t dodge the question. How did you do?” “… We made one hundred an’ twen’y bits,” Apple Bloom answers. Wow, that’s quite a lot. “Congratulations,” I say with a quick applause. “Alula! Don’t congratulate the enemy!” Oops! Forget about that for a second. “Uh, sorry ‘bout that.” Diamond Tiara turns back to Apple Bloom and sticks her nose in the air. As she does so, I notice a flash of light behind her. Or rather, from her… behind. “Well, I’ll bet you’re just dying to know how the three of us did.” “Not really.” Wait. That’s… “Fine, then I’ll tell you!” On Diamond’s flank, it’s… “We turned a profit of two hundred and seventy five bits! That’s more than double what you two got, by the way.” “We don’ care. We have enough for the new Megamare game now. That’s all we wanted.” “Hmph! It must feel so bad to be beaten so thoroughly, but don’t let it get you down too much.” “Diamond-” “After all, I’m a pro. This is something I’ve been training for since I was still in diapers.” “Diamond-” “Like ah said, we don’ care!” Apple Bloom shouts. “We just wanted tah raise a lil’ money fer a videogame! We don’ care if you made more than us! The only way we’d feel bad is if y’all got yet Cutie Mark for this an’ we didn’t!” “Actually…” Finally, everypony acknowledges what I’m trying to say. I point to Diamond’s flank, making sure to avert my eyes, of course. I don’t want Diamond to think I’m some creep who stares at her flank longer than necessary. “A-Ah don’ believe it,” Apple Bloom says. “This can’t be happening,” Twist adds. “Diamond,” Silver Spoon starts, “It’s…” Diamond’s eyes are wide as she looks over her shoulder, staring at her once-blank flank, now adorned with the most beautiful, most awesome Cutie Mark ever. It is… a diamond tiara. Huh. What’re the odds of that happening? “I… I did it…” she says quietly. A huge smile breaks out on her face, and she jumps over to me and wraps me in a tight hug. “I DID IT!” This is… pretty painful. Sheesh, I know you’re excited, Diamond, but could you maybe show a little restraint? … Not that I mind too much, of course. A hug’s a hug, after all. She releases me and runs over to hug Silver Spoon. “My Cutie Mark! I got my Cutie Mark!” “I’m happy for you, Diamond!” Silver Spoon says. “Me too!” I add quickly. “This is great! Now we can throw you a huge party and-” “That’s right!” Diamond shouts as she releases Silver Spoon. “A party! I need to go home right now and show daddy, so he can start to put together the most amazing cute ceañera this town has ever seen!” Before either me or Silver Spoon can say anything, Diamond runs off down the street, cheering loudly about the fact that she now has her Cutie Mark. “N-No way,” Apple Bloom says, falling to her haunches along with Twist. “That’s just great! The last thing her ego needed was a boost like that!” “Our lives are ruined!” Twist shouts in the loudest voice I’ve ever heard her use, her forelegs up in the air in a dramatic fashion. I turn my attention to Silver Spoon, who is giving the two odd looks. “Uh… s-should we go after Di?” Silver Spoon turns to face me, and puts a hoof to her chin. “Hmmm… Actually, I have a better idea,” she says with a grin on her face. A grin I know all too well by now… It means that she’s planning something evil. “How about we go buy her something to congratulate her?” “… Huh? Won’t we have time to do that later?” Silver Spoon sighs and shakes her head. “Oh, Alula… Don’t you get it? If you give Diamond Tiara your present at the same time as everypony else’s, then it won’t stand out all on its own. And then, it won’t feel that special.” … Gasp! She’s right! This is my chance to get something really great for Diamond, and show her just how much I really love her! But the timing is crucial! I have to give it to her before the cute ceañera! “Well, you’re lucky I’m so generous. I’ll loan you some bits and show you to this great shop, filled with things that she’d just love.” … W-Wow. Silver Spoon, that’s… I don’t know what to say. All this time, I just pegged you as my rival for winning Diamond’s affections. But, I guess you’re not as bad as I thought after al- “You’ll owe me three more favours, of course.” YOU’RE PURE EVIL!