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// 48. Silly Princess Luna Waifu... (Author SI) 
// Story: Short Shorts 
// by Coranth 
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The private bedchamber of Princess Luna was decorated like the night sky, with dark blues and purples accented by moons and stars. Standing beneath an intricate fresco of the moon on the ceiling, a perfectly circular bed set in the dead center of the room, easily large enough to comfortably fit four alicorns her size. The walls were lined with the rest of the room’s furniture: a fireplace, a vanity mirror, a set of dressers, a few tables, a bookcase, a door to a small exterior balcony, another door leading to a private bath chamber and a writing desk. Everything somepony - or in this case, somepony and her human consort - would need to enjoy a quiet day's rest.

Currently, that's what she and I were doing - enjoying a quiet day's rest - before she had to attend to her nightly duties; in this case, the weekly Night Court. Lying there with her on her bed, as I gently placed a crème-covered raspberry into her open mouth, I couldn't help but ask her, "Why me, your Highness? Out of all the humans living on Earth, why did you choose to bring me here to Equestria?" At first, the Equestrian Princess to whom I was Consort did not answer. Instead, as she thoughtfully chewed and then swallowed down the delicious sweet I had provided her, she emitted a gentle sound of utmost pleasure. Then, at last she answered, "Because, David, you are not as... fanatical... as others would have been. You have no real desire to travel anywhere, or experience adventure. 

It was your mind I touched that Nightmare Night, when the Veil between the stars was most thin. I recall that you... you were deeply saddened for me; you genuinely wanted only to bring me happiness. To be my friend, and perhaps... more..." Upon sifting through my thoughts for the first time when she'd transported me here, Princess Luna had indeed discovered those secret thoughts of mine and let me tell you, dear readers, her reaction had been... mixed... to say the least! A human and a pony? A human and a royal pony, together, as... lovers? Luna had been shocked and outraged at first but, as time had rolled on, those feelings had been replaced with flattery; it felt wonderful to be wanted, loved, and desired instead of despised, even if the one desiring her was of a different species.

Finally, deep within her mind Princess Luna allowed herself to feel a secret thrill of hidden arousal at the utterly taboo and scandalous nature of what I desired; of what she would one day offer to me. 'Here' she thought to herself as she accepted another sweet from me - a carrot stick dipped in the sweetest honey - 'is something nopony else has: a human of my very own who desires nothing more than my happiness...' Another thrill ran through her as she reveled in the fact that here was something her sister didn't have! 'And so long as I live, 'Tia won't ever have him,' she thought to herself. 'David is mine!' Soon, she was pulled from her thoughts as I gently ran a hand through her mane.

"Only when you are ready..." I murmured, carefully setting the plate of treats aside. A moment later, as she cuddled closer to me, Princess Luna laid her head upon my chest, blinking her teal eyes, her expression puzzled as she replied, "Pardon, my Consort? I was lost in thought for a moment..." With an affectionate smile, I moved my hand from her mane to scratch gently behind her ears; at this she slowly closed her eyes. "I'll bet you were" I replied. "Always have your head in the clouds, don't you, darling, eh? I said, we'll only take that next step when you're ready. For now, just to be here - and to have your friendship - is enough for me. It's more than I've ever dreamed of! Thanks for letting me stay here with you, too..."

Princess Luna smiled. "You are more than welcome, David," she said softly, "and thank you for being my friend when I had none." Inhaling softly, she made to continue talking; however, before she could say a word there came a heavy-hoofed knock upon her chamber doors. Upon hearing the sound, Luna heaved a weary sigh and then, a moment later, as I released her and she rolled to her front - casting upon me a Wreath of Invisibility - her entire expression changed; gone was my friend Luna and in her place there was the faux-bored expression of Princess Luna, Her Royal Highness of the Equestrian Diarchy. "Enter!" she barked, her tone suggesting that she'd said the word many, many times before.

No sooner had she spoken than the door was being gently pushed aside to allow a decidedly nervous-looking earth pony to enter the room. With his coat of pristine white hair, pale white-gold mane, gentle brown eyes, pair of glasses perched upon his snout and the image of an open book imprinted upon his left flank, Luna and I recognized him as Silent Quill, an aide to both Princesses. "Ma'am" he said to Luna nervously, "your sister asks that you attend Night Court in the Royal Courtroom in fifteen minutes. Her exact words were, 'Don't make me have the Guards drag you there.'" At his words, Luna heaved another weary sigh and at this, I reached out an invisible hand to her head to massage away a small stress headache. 

A moment later, the Moon Princess pulled away from me to reply to Silent Quill, "Fine. Tell her I'll be there shortly..." Silent Quill nodded and then, with a gentle bow, he began to make his way out of the room. Just before he closed the great doors behind him, however, he softly asked, "Your highness, how is... ah...?" At his hesitant question, Princess Luna face-hoofed with an exasperated sigh, before she growled, "He is fine, as always. Now, for the love of Faust, get out of here!" Fearing her wrath, Silent Quill swiftly did just that, slamming the doors behind him in haste. Once he was gone, Luna dispelled the Wreath of Invisibility and then, with a frustrated groan, she made to rest her head gently upon my chest once more.

As she made herself comfortable and I began to soothingly stroke her head and neck, I couldn't help but let a chuckle escape me. Upon hearing the sound, my pony friend asked, "And what does my human find so amusing, hmm?" Her words only made me chuckle harder and at this, Princess Luna pouted and tapped my body playfully with a hoof. "Answer your Princess, Consort!" she said exasperatedly. Who was I to refuse her? "You really don't like Night Court, do you?" I responded as I kept up my soothing caresses of her head and neck. "No, dear David, I most certainly do not!" she replied, sighing wearily. "I hate having to pander to the nobility as they bitch, moan, and complain about all the problems that supposedly need to be addressed ‘right now.’ 

Great Faust, have mercy! With the way they carry on you'd think that they couldn't even dress themselves without our help! Yes, I utterly hate Night Court and Celestia knows it; that's why she always sends Silent Quill to remind me. Well, we may as well get going, I suppose; time waits for no mare..." And with those words, she and I alighted from her bed and headed out onto the exterior balcony such that she and I could once again bear witness to perhaps the most incredible sight I'd ever seen, aside from herself of course. As I watched, Princess Luna slowly raised her head to peer into the twilight sky... And then, she flapped her wings open, her horn aglow with deeper magicks than most ponies could even dream of. 
 
Slowly, stars began to wink into existence and the moon began its ascent into the evening sky. 'Damn... no matter how many times I see her do that, it's always awesome...' I thought to myself as I watched. Once she'd finished performing this most sacred duty, however, the moment was purposefully and utterly trashed when Luna turned to face me, a mischievous glint in her eye as she assumed the high-class stance and attitude of an air-headed noble! "Well, dahling," she said haughtily, "how does it look? Go on, tell me! Is the moon too low? Is there a star out of place?" Grinning with good humour, I assumed a 'thinker's pose' as I pretended to scrutinize the sky for faults. 

"Hmmm..." I murmured with the voice of a stuffy upperclassman as I looked about, "no stars out of place. Constellations look fabulous. Moon is the right height, give or take a few degrees... No, I'd say that you've done a perfect job, as always. Smashing, dahling!" With that said Luna and I looked at each other for a moment... and then, we just couldn't take it anymore; leaning against each other we chuckled softly. Once we were able to get ourselves under control, Princess Luna and I headed back into her bedchamber and then - after using a touch of magic to ensure her appearance was proper - the pony princess rendered me invisible once more. Then, together, she and I headed from her bedchamber to the Royal Court.

A slew of highly competent staff that answered first to the Princesses, and then to the rest of the Equestrian Ponies, handled much of the day-to-day bureaucracy of Equestria. Under the watchful eyes of Celestia and Luna, their staff handled the naturally vast amounts of paperwork - or in this case scroll-work - that came as part of ruling over the magical land of Equestria, meaning that the pony princesses directly handled only the most important affairs and matters of state. However, dear readers, the Equestrian Princesses weren't without duties of their own. In addition to overseeing the equestrian bureaucracy and administering to important matters of state, Celestia and Luna raised and set the sun and moon respectively each day and night. 

Both Princesses also held regular courts wherein issues and problems with the running of the Principality could be addressed and dealt with directly. Of the Courts held there were three; the Day Court, presided over by Princess Celestia, the Court of Twilight presided over by both Princesses, and finally, the Court of Night over which Princess Luna presided. In short, dear readers... she hated it! Night Court could be summed up in a single honest word: boring. Were it not for me stroking and occasionally prodding her with an invisible hand, poor Princess Luna might have fallen asleep on the throne as she presided there that night. And were it not for her occasionally touching me with a gentle hoof, I might have fallen asleep, too as the equestrian nobility debated and politicized on, and on, and on... 

It wasn't all bad, however; peace treaties were brokered, disputes were settled, and many nobles walked away with their problems solved or, failing that, a suitable compromise worked out between offending parties. When the time came near for her sister Celestia to raise the sun, however, Princess Luna had had enough, and as Night Court finally ended, she and I were out of the Royal Courtroom like a pair of impudent fillies racing away after making mischief! No sooner had we arrived back at her bedchambers then as we entered I took stock of her appearance and what I saw dear readers was not good. Poor Luna looked stressed and tired; her azure mane and phthalo-blue coat appeared frazzled and tatty, and there were 'raccoon rings' around her eyes. 

There was, I knew, only one cure for this. "Arkham City?" I offered. At the question - as she lowered the moon such that her sister could raise the sun - the Moon Princess chuckled, a brief smile coming to her lips before she nodded and replied, "You know me too well, David. Yes, Arkham City. Run it for me, please." With those words, Luna finished her duty of lowering the moon and then cast a powerful Skein of Undoing at the large ornate desk resting along one wall of her bedchamber, making visible upon it one of the many things I had been allowed to bring to Equestria from Earth: my custom-built desktop computer system. Once the machine was completely visible, I booted the system up. 

Then, when the Windows 7 desktop had appeared and all start-up programs had loaded - I immediately went to the Games folder on the machine wherein was the shortcut for one of mine, and now her, favourite games: 'Batman: Arkham City.' When I'd originally shown her the game, back when she'd brought the computer through the Veil for me, the Moon Princess had been horrified by the game's grim setting - the very idea of an entire city being used as a prison appalled her. Eventually though, as I'd taken her through the game, she'd been unable to look away. The heroic Batman, aka. Bruce Wayne - with his martial combat abilities, sophisticated technology, tragic past and the ability to employ darkness itself as a weapon - had utterly enthralled her and, surprisingly her alter-ego Nightmare Moon. 

Here, thought they, was a man - albeit a fictional one - who'd risen above his past to train himself to perfection in order to become a protector of the night. Once the game had loaded - after clicking my 'Games for Windows Live' Offline Profile such that the main menu appeared, I swiftly moved away from the machine so that she could take my place before it. Giving me a grateful smile, the Moon Princess moved to sit upon her haunches and then - via her magic - she smoothly manipulated keyboard and mouse to continue an already complete game such that she could free-roam about the city. As she played the game - tearing into huge gangs of thugs with Batman's varied abilities - I could literally see the stress of Night Court draining from her body.

"Thinking of the thugs as those Equestrian Nobles, hmm?" I murmured to her as she played. "Yes" she snarled, gritting her teeth as she made Batman perform a vicious 'ground pound' attack upon yet another hapless thug, "and as Batman I'm putting them in their place!" Yes, dear readers, by introducing her to my computer and its treasure trove of games, I'd had a 'corrupting' influence upon the Equestrian Night Princess; I'd quite simply turned her into a serious gamer! Several groups of thugs and three Riddler Challenge Maps later - during which she put the hurt on even more hapless thugs - Princess Luna finally quit the game and then opened her mouth in a jaw-cracking yawn. 

"Well, my human" she said as she got to her feet, "it is time for me to share a meal with my sister; then, once I am done with that task I shall return here and together we will sleep." "She hasn't discovered that I'm here, has she?" I asked absently, moving to take her place at the Computer in order to check the Equinet. The Equinet, dear readers, was the equivalent of Earth's Internet, but - when compared to Earth's own globe-spanning World Wide Web - it paled in comparison. It was more an experimental thing - restricted to the 'modern' city of Canterlot for now - but with time it would definitely grow. Despite its small size, the Equinet already contained many websites equivalent to those I once visited on Earth. 

Among them was FIMFiction.Net, the content of which was obvious; Equestria Daily, a site dedicated to the reporting of news from all over Equestria; the Celestial Sun, a site strictly dedicated to news from within Canterlot Castle; and even SoPony.com, the equivalent of SoFurry. After briefly glancing at the sites I was browsing through, Princess Luna gently shook her head as she replied, "No, David, she hasn't, but... heh, you know all-too-well what the Jokevine is like here in the Palace..." Then, a moment later her gentle laughter resounded throughout her bedchamber as I rested my head in my hands, a groan escaping me. "Gah... Don't remind me!" I responded. 

"I'm the Royal Palace's best kept secret... meaning that everypony except Celestia knows about me. Truth is, I'm wondering why nopony has nickered in Celestia's ear, yet. You'd think a human being the Royal Consort of Princess Luna would be the world's biggest scandal, yet nopony seems to care..." When I finished speaking, something dark flickered within Princess Luna's teal eyes as for just a moment Nightmare Moon took control. "And they should not, beloved friend David" she said, her voice a deadly seductive purr, "because they know what will happen if they do..." Her voice - so beautiful yet chilling, so formal yet utterly seductive - sent a shiver coursing through my body. 

But, dear readers, I can already hear you asking the questions: how is this possible? How is it that Princess Luna and Nightmare Moon could exist together without the Nightmare trying to take over in order to bring eternal night to Equestria? The answer is simple, friends, and it involves a DVD Box Set of episodes of an Earth Television Show called Stargate SG-1. Luna had become enthralled with that show - just as she had with 'Batman: Arkham City' - and she was thrilled by the adventures of Jack O'Neil and his team. She had been particularly enamoured with the race called Tok'ra; the sect of Goa'uld Symbiotes whom had chosen to live as equals with their hosts. 

After witnessing how they had lived through the show the Moon Princess had thought to herself, 'Why can't I have that kind of partnership with Nightmare Moon?' and thus, dear readers it had happened. Via a spell that allowed me to enter her mindscape, together, Luna and I had managed to broker an agreement with her darker half wherein she agreed to try and be the 'symbiote' whilst Luna would be her 'host.' So far, the agreement had worked quite well. Nightmare Moon receded back into the depths of Luna's mind, then, allowing her to take back control. "Yes, they know. If they tell Celestia you're here, Moon and I will buck them all into the next millennia!" 

At her words, Luna, Nightmare Moon and I all burst into hearty laughter! Once we were able to get ourselves under control, Luna gazed at me anxiously for a moment before she asked, "Are you sure you'll be alright here on your own, David?" It was a question she'd asked me many, many times before and - as always - I replied, "Yes, Luna, I'll be fine. Go on; go share breakfast with your sister. When you return we'll bathe before we sleep." A smile gracing her equine features, Princess Luna nodded her head and then - to my surprise - she nuzzled my cheeks gently with her short muzzle, being mindful not to hurt me with her horn, of course. 

"Thank you, David" she said, her soft breath brushing across  my ear, "for just being my friend." Then pulling away from me and, giving me a last fond look over her shoulder, the Equestrian Moon Princess departed, the chamber doors closing softly behind her as she left me alone. Whilst Luna busied herself with sharing breakfast with Celestia, I tidied up around her chambers, then settled myself down in front of my Computer to listen to some music and do some light reading. Had one entered the bedchamber of Princess Luna at that time, things might have seemed alright, but... 'Truth is' I thought to myself, 'I'm worried. I fear what might happen if the many spells that Luna has woven to protect me ever fail. 

If they do, even for an instant, then Celestia will catch wind of me; she'll know I'm here...' I had never met the other of the two sisters whom both ruled over Equestria together. Luna, of course, had been kind enough to offer me insight as to her sister's nature. "My sister, Princess Celestia," she had said to me one day during one of our many talks, "is as kind as she is depicted in the animated show your kind based on us. However, what is not shown is that she can be quite authoritarian; she always wants things done her way - as older sisters often do. Should she ever see you, I... I fear that things... might not go well for you. The last thing I want to have happen is her banishing you back from whence I summoned you. I... I don't know what I would do if my only friend was gone from my life..." 

She'd ceased talking then and had begun to weep silently. "Oh, hey now..." I had murmured comfortingly as I'd gently stroked her mane, "I doubt that'll happen; surely she can't be that bad! Besides, if she tries anything, Moon will kick her flank around Equestria and back!" It was a brash and bold joke, of course - Nightmare Moon, now mellowed out, wouldn't really do such a thing - but still, said joke had brought a smile to her face and had made her laugh, albeit weakly, through her tears. Shortly thereafter, we'd dropped the subject and - until now - I had never thought about it again. Still, dear readers, the thought of rousing Princess Celestia's anger was a daunting one, for here was a nearly godlike, immortal Alicorn whom had banished her own sister to the moon for one thousand years! 

'If she's able to do that to her own sister, then she'll probably do worse to me if she finds me, so I've got to stay hidden, for Luna's sake and mine...' I thought. A weary sigh escaping me, I resumed my activities - reading a story from FiMFiction.Net whilst listening to Elton John's 'Rocket Man' - until Luna returned. When she re-entered her chambers, a jaw-cracking yawn escaping her, she stood for a moment, blinking bleary eyes. It appeared that the previous Night Court had obviously been more taxing than she'd realized. Now, after sharing a meal with her sister Celestia, Luna was ready to 'hit the hay' as it were--perhaps a little too ready. "Worn out, eh?" I queried

As she mumbled a soft "Mmm-hmm" then wavered wearily upon her feet - her legs threatening to give out from under her - immediately I raced to support her. "Come on, darling; let's get you bathed and then into bed..." I murmured soothingly as I half-walked and half-carried her towards the private bath chamber attached to her bedchamber. It was a simple, yet elegant thing; a large pool tiled in smooth ceramics, fed by a geothermal heated waterfall, near which was a vanity unit and large mirror. Upon stepping into the room, together Luna and I walked over to the mirror such that the Equestrian Moon Princess could check her appearance. 

With the exception of her sister, Princess Luna was by far the largest pony I had ever seen, with an impressive wingspan, long lanky legs and a slender body. Her coat was phthalo-blue and her eyes were teal. The 'cutie mark' upon her right flank depicted a crescent moon surrounded by a very dark purple coloration that seemed to represent the night sky. Her spectacularly long mane and tail - constantly billowing, as if being caressed by a gentle breeze - were the colour of azure and a single thick lock of her mane hung over her face; a trait I found very charming. The innermost parts of her mane and tail constantly glittered, giving the optical illusion that they were filled with twinkling stars. 

The shape of her muzzle was broader than that of the average pony mare, but not quite as broad as a stallion's. The horn on her head was different from the average unicorn's as well. Where most unicorn horns were fairly short and had blunt rounded tips, hers was long and slender, though the tip still seemed to be slightly blunt. True to her royal stature, she was clad in glittering jewellery. She wore upon each hoof pale blue shoes that branched out at the top to resemble a Fleur-de-lis and around the base of her neck, she wore a piece of regalia that appeared to be a cross between a necklace and a gorget; a steel or leather collar originally designed to protect the throat. 

It was coloured the same shade of dark purple as the 'night sky' part of her cutie mark while also bearing a crescent moon. Atop her head rested a dark tiara with three points, the central point reaching the highest. At its centre was inset a brilliant sapphire gem. Despite her tatty appearance, she exuded a gentle and refined elegance and... well, in short folks, she was beautiful! "Oh, stop that; I am nowhere near as radiant and beautiful as my sister," she grumbled, reading my thoughts. "Yes, you are," I replied as she lifted her hooves, allowing me to carefully remove and set aside her shoes, "and if there were pony stallions here right now they'd be snorting with jealousy at the fact that I'm the only one who gets to truly see your beauty! The dawn may be radiant, but the night... is enchanting..." 

With that, I carefully removed the rest of her jewellery before briefly heading back into her bedchamber to store it all away in one of the dressers there. Then, as I returned to the bath chamber to gently help her into the bath, Princess Luna giggled before turning her head to give me a very sultry look. "Flattery, dear human" she said, with a teasing flick of her tail, "will get you nowhere with me!" Doffing my clothes such that they wouldn't get wet, I hopped into the bath with her and then, as she and I proceeded further into the bathing pool and the warm water crept up our bodies, I lecherously groped her flanks. "Confound you, mare!" I cried as she danced away with a soft gasp. "How dare you tease me with your wicked ways? Come here!"

"Oh," the Equestrian Moon Princess cried fearfully, "whatever shalt we do? Thine lecherous human hath his perverted eyes upon our form and wishes to use us to fulfil his most foul desires! Help, somepony help!" Not all was as it appeared dear readers. I hadn't really groped her flanks in a perverted manner and Luna wasn't at all afraid of me; I had in fact tickled her, and she'd jumped away with a gasp because her cutie mark was quite sensitive. Even now, as she kept up the playful act of the terrified damsel in distress whilst I played the wicked ruffian, it was all the both of us could do to keep up the act without bursting into laughter! "I'll have you yet, mare!" I cried as I chased her around the bathing pool. "Take this!" With that I cupped some water in my hands and splashed her!  

As she felt the water hit her back, Princess Luna turned around, giving me a growl of mock-anger. "Why you uncouth barbarian!" she cried. "Have at thee!" And then, dear readers she dipped her muzzle into the water before flicking it towards me, splashing me in return! What followed shortly thereafter could only be described as the water fight of the century; but soon only one of us was victorious - with a triumphant shout, Luna launched a wave of water at me against which I couldn't retaliate. "I'll get you yet Princess... grublbllghr..." I groaned theatrically as I pretended to 'fall' beneath the wave. Then, a moment later, I surfaced and leaned against my beloved pony friend as she and I howled and neighed with laughter!

With playtime done, grabbing some lavender soap and a washcloth from a shelf inset into one of the bath chamber walls, I started to bathe her. Some time ago, Luna would have had a pair of pony attendants to help her with this but that was before she'd discovered that human hands did a far better job than pony hooves. Now, as I gently lathered her back and wings, then her flanks and sides, the Equestrian Moon Princess groaned softly and leaned against me for support so that she wouldn't collapse from sheer bliss. As I continued to wash her body - carefully washing her hooves, legs, stomach, and chest she softly asked, "David, our beloved Consort, why art thou so kind to us?"

"Because you deserve it more than any pony I know..." I murmured. "May I...? May I...?" The alicorn before me made no move to answer my question; instead, as I looked on, she raised her tail and bared herself to me. I know what you're all probably thinking, dear readers, but nothing untoward occurred; I merely washed her intimate places with gentle and above all professional decorum. I wouldn't ruin the friendship I had with Princess Luna for anything, not even… that. Of course, I was only human; making love with the Equestrian Princess was something I did desire as stated previously, but I would only do so when she was ready and willing. Once I completed washing her private places, Princess Luna demurely lowered her tail and I moved onto other areas of her body. 

Soon, I raised my head to look at her as I worked… only to discover – to my surprise – that Princess Luna... wasn't Princess Luna anymore. I bathed now a regal alicorn whose coat was as black as the night itself, with catlike eyes and blue-violet mane and tail. "Oh, hey Moon!" I said, grinning at her as I continued to work. "Where've you been? You haven't manifested fully for quite a while." A deep, contented sigh escaping her, the Night Mare answered "That’s because I fear being discovered by Princess Celestia, David. If she were to find me, she would separate Luna and me; I would be banished once again to the moon. I... dear David, I couldn’t bear that; not now that I know you and my other half so well! 

To no longer feel the happiness and friendship you freely offer me despite knowing the evils I have done, to no longer feel your touch upon my coat; your fingers running through my mane... That, my beloved, would be a far worse punishment than anything that Celestia" - she spit the name like a curse - "could do to me." A soft, pleasure-filled groan escaped her then as I started to gently wash and massage her face. "I don't think she'd do anything like that now; she couldn't anymore, anyway" I responded as I ran my soapy hands over her jet black cheeks, muzzle, and ears. "You've been keeping yourself hidden within Luna so well that she hasn't been able to detect you for years. 

And even if she did detect you, Moon" I continued, grabbing a bottle of shampoo and starting to shampoo her illustrious mane, "because you both agreed to undergo the bonding ritual - which blended you together like Tok'ra host and symbiote - she wouldn't be able to separate you from Luna anyway; not without killing the both of you. She wouldn't do that! Come on, give her a chance..." Once I'd finished lathering her mane with the shampoo, I had her submerge herself within the waterfall to rinse the body soap and shampoo off. When she'd finished rinsing herself, as she gathered sponge, soap and shampoo to wash me and return the favour, Nightmare Moon gently shook her head. "Never!" she hissed vehemently. 

In the back of her mind, Nightmare Moon could feel Luna banging away, but she pushed the 'weaker' princess's thoughts aside as she hissed, 'Enough! You spent time with him earlier; please give me a chance to be with him for a change.' At this, Luna quietened with her agreement. Thus, dear readers - as she continued to wash me - in control Nightmare Moon remained, her happiness brimming within their shared mind as she and Princess Luna rejoiced in it. Even as she cleaned my skin - a healthy pink despite lack of sunlight - all the while the Dark Moon Princess nuzzled me here and there, giving parts of my body the occasional gentle nibble. 

As she did so, I gave her a gentle massage, roaming my hands over her back and wings. Finally, I was clean and it was at that point that the Dark Moon Princess just couldn't take it anymore; as I knelt at her level such that she had better access to my body for cleaning, with the softest of whimpers Nightmare Moon threw her head over my shoulder, wrapping a foreleg about my body as she wept silently. "Oh, hey... hey, hey, hey now; what's the matter?" I asked her as I soothingly stroked her violet mane. At the question, Nightmare Moon lifted her head, allowing me to witness something no pony had ever seen: the supposedly malevolent Night Mare crying. 

Her silvery tears streamed from her eyes and down her cheeks to drip into the bathwater as she looked upon me, her dragon-like eyes filled not with malevolence, but with the deepest love... "Celestia will not find you!" she hissed through her tears. "She will not make to return you through the Veil! Luna and I will not allow it!" As the Night Mare spoke, almost immediately her and Luna's agreement blazed through their shared mind; in this their thoughts were one absolute! "The Sun Princess will not take you, our Friend and Consort. She will NOT take away the one I... th-the one I..."  As the Dark Moon Princess inhaled a breath and attempted to compose herself in order to continue, I raised a hand to gently cover her muzzle; at this she quietened and closed her eyes. "I know," I replied, gently. 

"Luna's still working things out" I continued, removing my hand from her muzzle, "and is content to be my friend for now, but you... I know, Moon. I know. I feel the same, but now's not the time to say it to each other; not yet." At my words as Nightmare Moon regained her regal composure, she nodded her wet head before responding "As much as I hate it, with this will I agree; because you have asked it of me I shall wait for Luna to make her choice. But, David...?" Rising to my feet such that we faced each other as equals I responded, "Yes?" Suddenly, before Luna could restrain her, the Dark Princess was rearing up and locking her forelegs about my body in an embrace as she leaned in to give me a deep, lingering, kiss. 

For a moment that seemed eternal yet was in fact all too brief, her equine tongue danced in passion with mine before she at last pulled away, softly breathing, "That is a promise of things to come..." As the kiss ended, Luna thought to scold the Dark Princess for her brash and bold action... but she was overcome by the sheer want and desire felt by her alter-ego... and that small part of her that she kept so deeply hidden from her beloved sister Celestia revelled in it. 'Ooh,' she thought heatedly, 'buck it all to Everfree! If I weren't a Princess - if I weren't burdened by my royal duties, I'd... I'd...' Smirking at Luna internally, the Dark Princess, Nightmare Moon thought, 'You'd what?' 

A shiver coursing through their shared body, Luna confessed in a mental whisper 'I... I'd let him rub us all over with his hands... And then, I... I'd raise our tail for him so... so he could use his... his hands and... his tongue on our... our... And then... then... I'd let him cover us until...' Suddenly, in the physical world Nightmare Moon squeaked and lowered her head as a shudder ran its course through her body. Upon seeing it, I immediately asked, "Are you alright, Princess?" Nightmare Moon didn't respond for a moment - she just stood there beneath the flowing waterfall, breathing heavily. Then, at last, she raised her head to look at me with a smile upon her muzzle. "Yes, my Consort, I am fine. Let's just say that Luna... has a very vivid imagination! Now come, let us end this bath that we may retire to bed."

And by her word it was done; she and I stepped from the bathing pool and then - after she'd employed a touch of magic to clean the bath chamber of any water spillage from our play and bathing - I grabbed a thick, fluffy towel from a rack and proceeded to dry her off. As I towelled her dry, paying careful attention to her wings so as not to damage their wonderfully soft feathers, Nightmare Moon leaned against me, letting out a sound somewhere between a contented sigh and a soft, choked sob. "... All I've ever wanted is to have this, David" she murmured. "To be appreciated. To be acknowledged and thanked for my nights. To be touched and held, and..." Overcome with emotion the dark Mare of the Night nuzzled close to me as I finished with the towel and 'dried' her face and muzzle with my hands.

"I know Moon, Luna, I know," I murmured. "Rather than banishing you as she did when it was too late, perhaps your sister should have tried harder; made more attempts to reason with you. I don't know of the circumstances surrounding the whole debacle, but I'm here for you now, and by Faust's grace you'll never be alone again! I swear it." It seems strange, dear readers, for Princess Luna and Nightmare Moon to be so utterly out of character, doesn't it? To a human, one thousand years is an amount of time unimaginable, but for an immortal alicorn such as Luna, who had to live through it after her banishment by Celestia? It was as Tartarus. 

She'd had to cope with one thousand years of homesickness; one thousand years of loneliness without someone to be her friend or love her as lovers do. Her only companions during her long, long imprisonment within her celestial body were the anger and hurt she felt at the beautiful nights she made being slept through; the jealousy she felt at the fact that ponies loved her sister Celestia more than she; and above all else, the terrible, crushing guilt she felt for thinking to usurp her sister by refusing to lower the moon. She had a thousand years of heartfelt pain that needed excising from her, dear friends and though I'd helped her deal with much of it - by being an ear when she needed to vent, talking to her when she desired it, and otherwise just being her friend - so much more remained... 

With a shake of my head at Celestia's foalishness, I gathered my clothing with one hand and arm and then - placing a supporting hand on her back - I gently guided Nightmare Moon out of the bath chamber, back into the bedchamber and over to her bed. Wordlessly she hopped onto the bed, pulled the covers back with her mouth and then slid beneath the covers, shifting instinctively over to one side. After fetching and swiftly changing into a set of pyjamas from the section of her dressers wherein I stored my clothes, I climbed in beside her and once I was snug beneath the bedcovers with her, Nightmare Moon rolled to meet me in the middle of the enormous bed, lazily throwing a foreleg and a wing over me. 

Closer, and closer, she moved towards me, until as much of her body contacted mine as was physically possible without taking that last, and most sacred step. Then, after she’d pulled the covers back over us both and nestled her head into the crook of my shoulder, together, Nightmare Moon and I fell asleep. Unfortunately, dear readers, we did not sleep well... Sometime during the day, I was awakened by the sound of soft, choked sobbing; a sound I realized that could have only come from one source. "Moon? Nightmare Moon? Is that you?" I asked softly. It was indeed the jet-black alicorn to whom I was Consort, for I could feel her body heave gently with every heart wrenching cry she tried, and failed, to suppress, and could feel the wetness of her tears staining my skin. 

'Oh, Moon...' I thought, turning to gather her dreaming form into an embrace. As I did this, however, Nightmare Moon struggled weakly within my gentle but firm grip. "Please!" She cried through her tears. "Please, Celly, please, dun' banish me again... I'll be good now; I swear! Please dun' send me away again...!" "There, there..." I whispered, caressing her mane, "it's alright; you're safe here; no one's going to banish you..." Nightmare Moon showed no sign of calming, however, and so - as another soft, choked sob escaped her - I tried another tactic; I began to sing, softly. "Like a comet; blazing 'cross the evening sky; gone too soon..." I crooned.

"Like a rainbow
Fading in the twinkling of an eye
Gone too soon

Shiny and sparkly
And splendidly bright
Here one day
Gone one night

Like the loss of sunlight
On a cloudy afternoon
Gone too soon

Like a castle
Built upon a sandy beach
Gone too soon

Like a perfect flower
That is just beyond your reach
Gone too soon

Born to amuse, to inspire, to delight
Here one day
Gone one night

Like a sunset
Dying with the rising of the moon
Gone too soon

Gone too soon..."

The song - Michael Jackson's 'Gone Too Soon’ - though not really a lullaby seemed to do the trick; as I finished singing the final lyrics of the last verse Nightmare Moon's breathing gradually evened out as she finally settled into a deep and dreamless sleep. Nocturnal were she and Princess Luna, but I didn't mind; with a drop of her magic she had altered my body such that my skin wouldn't pale from lack of sunlight, and had also altered my sleep cycle such that I had become nocturnal, like her. Giving her a soft kiss upon the end of her nose - for which I received a sigh and a gentle smile in return - I closed my eyes and slipped into sleep beside her.

* * *

As she'd been passing by her sister's room on the way from her own chambers to begin her day, Princess Celestia had heard her sister's softened cries - and had naturally come to check on her - but she hadn't been prepared to see this! Not only was the creature that laid there in her sister's bed Nightmare Moon but also there was something else abed with the wicked Mare of Darkness! What in Faust's name was that strange, hairless creature laying with her? The Princess of the Radiant Sun prepared to charge into her beloved sister's room to deal with the both of them - for surely the creature with Nightmare Moon was her ally and thus an enemy of Equestria! But then... Then, she heard the anguished words cried out by the Dark Ma--no, her sister, she suddenly realized, just with a different voice and form!

This was Nightmare Moon, and yet, the words were Luna's, or perhaps those of Nightmare Moon and her sister combined. The first thing she wondered was 'How is this possible?' The next thought to strike her as her heart wrenched with agony was 'When I banished Nightmare Moon to her Element... Did I truly do the right thing?' A breath escaped her, then, as she heard the ally of Nightmare Moon reply; saw him fold her into an embrace and softly stroke her mane... and then, a choked sob escaped her as she heard him start to sing her to sleep... The song, oh, the song he sung was so beautiful, and yet so sad; by the time he finished the final verse, it was all she could do to maintain her self control and keep from weeping. 

Carefully the radiant, white-winged alicorn stepped away from the doors she'd opened but a miniscule crack and then - after softly closing said doors behind her – she raced back to her own bedchamber. Therein, the Solar Princess collapsed upon her bed, buried her muzzle into the pillows and wept, bitterly. 'It has obviously helped my sister so much, but... this creature cannot stay' she thought. 'It has caused my sister no harm - it has been kind - but... who knows what effect it could have upon the culture of my little ponies in the future?' Things could spiral out of control due to this ally of her sister - things could end up as they had when Discord ruled the land with a chaotic clawed fist - and so the creature had to be sent away.

'It is the only way' she reasoned bitterly. 'I'm so sorry Lulu, Moon... I'm so sorry...' she thought as her tears continued to flow unabated. 'I'll make it up to you... somehow...' When at last she managed to stop crying, Princess Celestia carefully dried her eyes with a hoof-kerchief from her dressers, ensured her appearance was proper with a drop of magic and then - with a heavy heart - she left her bedchamber and descended into the palace proper to resume her royal duties.

* * *

When I awakened the next evening, my mind was still beautifully fuzzy, leaving me in a darkened forest, comforted by the smell of rain fallen upon the earth after a storm as I waited in the shade of my eyelids. Soft and effortless was my breathing as I lay there, slowly passing the moment where sleep gave way to the evening, and the touch of my dreams gave way to the feeling of the pillow under my head. With one deep breath, I flexed and stretched my muscles into wakefulness as I finally opened my eyes. Blinking away the last bit of bleariness, I smiled when I saw her: Luna, Monarch of Quiet Night and Bringer of the Blessed Moon. My beloved equestrian friend. 

'Huh... I guess Nightmare Moon decided to relinquish control...' I thought absently. Luna was still asleep, lying on her back, her forelegs snugly curled against her chest and her eyes shut, even as the twilight of the setting sun shone through the curtain and painted a fading red-orange stripe along her face. Her breaths came quietly and slowly, slipping gently through her barely parted lips. With a tiny squeak and a long sigh, she rolled over, her hind legs lifting and sliding under the sheet as she turned to drop herself heavily against me, her lower body pressing against my own as her upper-body snuggled comfortably into the crook of my arm. I smiled at the sight of her frazzled mane, her azure hair carelessly tossed about her forehead and spread under her neck as she laid her head on my shoulder. 

Carefully, I lifted my hand to push away an errant hair that was beginning to tickle my nose. As I did so, my finger brushed against her cheek, sweeping across her fine phthalo fuzz and over her skin, still hot and flushed with sleep. I paused, passing the edge of my hand lightly along the base of her jaw, and with my thumb, I gently moved the fringe from her face. At this, her eyes blinked open, and she raised her head for just a moment to look at me. I could see a smile on her face to match my own as she closed her eyes and settled herself against my side once more. “Good evening, David” she said, her lips moving softly as she spoke, the wisps of her breath playing lightly upon my neck.

“Good evening,” I replied. Luna stretched with a little yawn, and quietly giggled as I lifted her up, rolling her body on top of mine; doing so caused me no discomfort as - despite her being somewhat larger than the average pony - she was quite light of weight. “Did I wake you?” I asked. She didn't respond; instead she rested her head once again on my shoulder and simply lay there with me. She smelt of pine and the soothing night. Her soft form covered my body and filled my arms, and her chest pressed against mine with her every rhythmic breath such that I could feel her ageless heart beating in time with mine. I closed my eyes once again, feeling the heat from both our bodies as it flowed up from the sheets and over my skin to mix with the cool evening air.

The two of us laid there together for a moment, just as we did every evening, but soon - as always - reality would come knocking; Luna would rise to attend to her many royal duties accompanied by her Guards and myself wreathed by a Shadowcloak. Unfortunately for us, however, this night was going to be anything but normal. As the Princess of the Night and I continued to lay there together in her bed, suddenly there came the sharp clearing of a throat - "Ahem!" - and as the sound came to be heard throughout the room, our eyes snapped open to reveal Princess Celestia standing at the right side of the bed, flanked by a pair of burly stallions whom could only be two of her 'Dawn Custodes'; her elite Royal Guard.

The stern frown upon Celestia's face - coupled with the baleful glares her guards were giving us - said it all; we were dead! Luna and I stared first at her sister, and then at each other wide eyed. "Oh, fuck / Oh, buck!" we said together at the same time... and that, dear readers, was when Princess Celestia... just lost it. As the Royal Guards lowered their heads, their glares becoming softened, gentle smiles, Luna's sister dropped to the ground and rolled about neighing with laughter! "Oh," she cried between bouts, "you... ha-ha-ha... should have seen the looks on your... he-he-he... your faces!" So infectious was her laughter that eventually, even her guards - whom I knew as Stern Visage and Proud Heart - started to chortle silently to themselves!

Sometime later – once we'd all gotten ourselves under control – as Celestia, her Guards, Luna and I all ate light supper at a table placed on Luna's balcony, the whole story came out; how the Moon Princess, desperate for a friend, had chosen a human from another world rather than the ponies whom still despised her. Upon learning of the powerful magic she'd used to pull me through the veil, Princess Celestia shook her head. "Sister... how could you?" she asked then took a bite from her daisy sandwich. Chewing and swallowing the mouthful of food, she continued, "Such powerful magic could have exhausted, or even killed you! What were you thinking?" 

Leaning gently against me as we sat at the low table, Luna replied vehemently, "I was thinking, dear sister, that spending my last moments with somebody who cared about me would be infinitely better than living in a world where almost everypony despises me!" The Moon Princess fell silent then and - as she leaned further into me - I wrapped an arm about her body and gently stroked her mane and scratched behind her ears as I continued where she'd left off. "Fortunately" I said as I caressed her, "things didn't happen that way; your sister prepared for her weakness with enough food and supplies such that I was able to nurse her back to health. Since then I've become her friend, companion and Consort; where she went there was I... for almost ten years now."

At this, Celestia affixed her sister with a flinty-eyed gaze. “Ten years?” growled she. “Ten years? How is it that you kept this human hidden so long from my sight? And you…” she turned her gaze upon me. “How could you have lived with my sister for all those years without me knowing?” Princess Luna and I turned to look at each other – our gazes lingering for a moment as we shared a furious internal debate – amd then, finally, I answered, “Your sister’s magic is different to yours.” When the Solar Diarch gave me a look that clearly said ‘Well, DUH!’ I continued, “She’s… very good at hiding things. Plus, it helps that she made me nocturnal like her – we’re up and about when most ponies, including you, are normally asleep – and it’s quite easy to find routes throughout the castle to avoid those ponies who are ‘night owls’… or Night Guards.

“But… as I was saying; I’ve since become Luna’s friend, companion and… Consort. Wherever she goes, there am I, by her side.” Shock graced Celestia's equine features for a moment as her eyes widened. Then, a moment later she replied, "C-Consort?! You... you haven't... with my sister...?!" At this, Luna perked her head up as we both cried, "NO!" A moment later, once Luna was able to regain her composure, I continued, "Well, not yet anyway... But maybe someday... When we're ready..." At that, Luna turned to me, peeking out shyly from beneath her mane, a blush turning the skin beneath the phthalo fur of her face crimson. A moment later - when I returned my attention to Celestia - I continued, "For now, just to have your sister's friendship is enough for me. All I want is for her to be happy..."

As I finished speaking, Princess Celestia affixed me with a pained gaze. Then, a moment later she began to converse with her sister in the spoken equine dialect of Equestrian; something I thought rather rude as I wasn't able to understand the conversation. As the two Royal Sisters continued to speak, however, I soon realized that I didn't need to understand what was being said - at all - because whatever Celestia was saying to Luna was something that the Moon Princess did not want to hear. The conversation eventually turned into a furious argument, the two sisters neighing and whinnying back and forth until, at last, Luna slammed her forehooves down upon the table, nearly splitting it in two as she shouted in the Royal Canterlot Voice!

"ENOUGH! MINE FRIEND IS A HUMAN AND HE CANNOT TAINT THE ROYAL BLOODLINE! HOW, PRAY TELL, CAN THERE EVEN BE A ROYAL BLOODLINE WHEN THERE ART ONLY TWO OF US AND THEY WHOM SIRED US ARE DEAD!" The Solar Princess, after recovering from the gale-force wind stirred up by her sister's speech, nickered a soft yet firm reply; at this, Luna cried, "NAY! I WILL NOT HAVE IT. HE WILL NOT RUIN OUR CULTURE; YOU WILL NOT SEND HIM BACK THROUGH THE VEIL. YOU WILL NOT TAKE FROM ME MY CONSORT AND MINE ONLY FRIEND. I FORBID IT! STAY AWAY FROM US!"

With those words, Luna employed a touch of a seething Nightmare Moon's dark power to become as a thick gloomy mist; then, as Celestia watched on wide-eyed she swept me up and carried me away back to her chambers. Once there, after setting me upon her bed, she regained her equine form and then - gasping for breath, almost hyperventilating - she doffed her royal regalia, hastily sealed the doors of her bedchamber, and then collapsed onto the bed herself like a broken puppet. Wriggling herself beside me, she reached for me - clutching desperately at me with fore and hind legs - as she started to bawl like a traumatized filly. "Oh sweetie..." I murmured to her soothingly, gently combing a hand through her mane as she wept, "There, there, sweetheart; it’s alright..." 

When at last she ceased her crying, Luna hiccoughed softly and closed her eyes, a few last, stray tears escaping from beneath her closed eyelids to stain my pajama top. “Hey...” I murmured to her shortly thereafter, "what was with all those tears, eh? Can you tell me what's wrong?" Releasing me from her desperate embrace and then shifting to lie face to face with me such that her snout touched my nose, Luna said, "Celestia believes that you will taint our royal bloodline and foul our culture. She attempted to dissuade me from being with you, and desires to send you away from Equestria and... and me..." As the words escaped the Moon Princess, suddenly a realization occurred to me and as it did so I couldn't help but slap a palm to my face as I groaned, "Oh, great… history repeats..." 

A moment later, I resumed stroking my beloved friend as she blinked, her muzzle wrinkling adorably in an expression of puzzlement before she responded, "History repeats?' What do you mean?" For a while, I didn't answer her; I merely roamed my hands over her soft coat and mane as I took the time to gather my thoughts. Then, at last, I answered, "When you first became Nightmare Moon - or rather, when she first manifested - it was because you were jealous and resentful of your sister, because ponies appreciated her day more than your night, right?" When Luna winced before nodding, I continued, "Well, I think the reverse has happened: Celestia is now jealous of you!" 

At this exclamation, her pupils dilating with shock, Luna cried, "But... but why?!" Grinning broadly at the phthalo-blue pony beside me, I responded flippantly, "Oh, I don't know... Maybe because - unlike her - you've got someone who's devoted to you; who'll spend the rest of his days with you to make sure you're always cared for and never lonely. Someone who doesn't care a whit about your past as Nightmare Moon and will treat you just like any other pony despite your royal status. Someone who..." As I made to continue, the Equestrian Moon Princess gently covered my mouth with a hoof, softly uttering, "I know..." Her eyes wet with fresh silvery tears, she nuzzled me gently with her muzzle before turning around such that her back was pressed against me. 

Then, heaving a weary sigh, she tucked her head beneath my chin, closing her eyes and cooing softly as I stroked along her ribcage. "She's being a bit silly, really" I murmured a moment later, "but she is who she is, I guess. She'll come around..." Heaving a world weary sigh, Luna closed her eyes as I gently ruffled her mane. A moment later, she softly responded, "I hope so, David..." Suddenly, she turned to face me, a vicious grin splitting her muzzle as she continued, "If she doesn't... then I'll go all Batman on her flank!" The brief vision that filled my mind dear readers, of Luna laying the smackdown on Celestia's Royal Guard with batman-inspired martial arts and gadgets, caused me to chuckle softly for a moment before I replied, "If that happens, I get to be Robin; his battle-staff is cool!"

"Deal!" Luna exclaimed; then we both burst out laughing! The joy my equine friend and I felt was soon cut short, however, when there came the gentle knocking of a hoof upon the door to her bedchamber. There was only one pony that it could be. "...While we nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping as of pony gently rapping, rapping at our chamber door. ''Tis Celestia,' I muttered, 'tapping at our chamber door -- Only she, nopony more." As I finished reciting the slightly modified lines of Edgar Allen Poe's 'The Raven', Luna clapped a polished hoof over her muzzle to muffle her giggling! Our joviality only increased when we heard Celestia knock upon the door again, louder this time. 

Shortly thereafter we heard her voice, laced with irritation though muffled by the door, as she called "Lulu? Sister? Let me in!" Before Luna could respond to her sister’s demand I ‘shushed’ her gently and then, a moment later – in a faux high-pitched voice – I called, "Not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin!" At this, Luna's eyes widened for a moment in realization... before she grabbed one of my hands with her forehooves and pressed the appendage hard against her muzzle in a desperate attempt to muffle yet more laughter bubbling up from within. She 'got' the reference for she too had read 'The Three Little Foals and the Big Bad Timberwolf'; it had been one of her favourite stories when she'd been but a filly. Outside the door, the Solar Princess stomped a forehoof in anger, before she sarcastically responded, "Oh, ha-ha, very funny. Now come on, Luna, let me in!"

Gently pushing my hand away from her muzzle - struggling not to laugh - Luna repeated "Not by the hair on my chinny-chin-chin!" As she continued to stand outside the door with Stern Visage and Proud Heart at her sides - both of whom were desperately struggling to contain their laughter behind masks of professional decorum - Celestia growled "Arrgh! Then I'll tear, and I'll rip, and I'll smash this door in!" Back inside her bedchamber, I gave Luna a sideways glance, doing my best to suppress an enormous grin. "Hmmm..." I mused, "your sister sounds pissed. Think we should let her in?" Screwing her muzzle into an adorable pout, Luna sighed through her nose before she grumbled, "Oh, alright. But first..."

She hopped off the bed and then - as she made her way over to her bedchamber doors - I moved to join her, placing a gentle hand upon her back in a show of support. As I watched, her tail twisted and reached into her shadow, the darkness coiling up into a pair of hovering, crescent-moon blades forged from moonlight and shadow, glinting in an iridescent array of colours. "Um..." I began nervously, a real and honest terror gripping my heart, "th-there's no need for those, Luna; Celestia probably just wants to talk..." My equine friend turned to face me then, only it was not Princess Luna I faced, but Nightmare Moon, manifest in all her glory. 

"You heard what happened when my dear sister and I talked last, my Consort" she responded, "but now, the time for talk has ended. I will not let her take you away from me!" At her words, I moved to caress her, gently roaming my hands over her face, and muzzle, before combing a hand through her wonderful, starlit astral mane. She tried to resist the allure of my hands, at first - snorting, she tossed her head back - but, as it always did, my touch eventually overcame her and she dispelled the blades before leaning into my touch. "Oh... those hands..." she murmured softly. The stress and tension slowly draining out of her as I pleasured her with my touch, she tottered back to her bed and fell upon it once more, bringing me with her such that I could continue my work upon her body.

"Mmmh..." she muttered, rolling onto her back, "I'll let her in... I guess..." Thus, she broke the lock on her bedchamber door, allowing Celestia entry. Laying on my side such that I could continue my work I attended her forelegs, manipulating and massaging the joints and muscles within, before roaming my hands slowly over her neck and chest. "There's a good girl..." I murmured soothingly. "Just relax..." When Celestia opened the bedchamber door and finally deigned to enter, I was working my hands over her sister's stomach, stroking and massaging as the Night Princess groaned deeply in pleasure. As the Solar Princess espied us both in what she perceived to be a very compromising position, she almost turned about face and walked out again; and she would have, if not for Moon speaking softly.

"Mmmh..." she murmured. "Oh, Celly... you've got to try this; let my beloved human work his magic hands on you..." With that, she rolled onto her front, allowing me to roam my hands all over her lovely mane as she groaned theatrically. At this, I couldn't help but grin, dear readers - there was no way we would do anything truly inappropriate as Celestia looked on - but Nightmare Moon truly did love my hands, though she was exaggerating the pleasure-filled noises she made just to wind Celestia up! As I continued to comb my hands through her mane, mussing it up and scratching where hair sprouted from flesh in just the right places, the Night Princess groaned deeply again. As the sound escaped the dark mare, I could have sworn I heard Celestia grind her teeth together for a moment...

It was when I made my way down to the jet-black Alicorn's amazing wings - causing Nightmare Moon to whimper - that Celestia finally cried out, "Arrgh! Stop! Enough!" And thus, the jig was up; the Night Princess and I immediately halted our activities and sat up to look at the Princess of the Sun expectantly. Our appearances seemed completely innocent - so much so that one could practically see the angelic halos around our heads - but the Solar Princess wasn't fooled in the slightest; a weary sigh escaping her, she grumbled, "Oh, quit it you two..." It was then, dear readers, that we hit Celestia with the 'big guns' in our arsenal: the dreaded puppy-dog eyes. 

It worked a treat, of course; nearly screaming in frustration, Princess Celestia cried, "Fine! Your human can stay Luna-Moon, but," and here her eyes narrowed as she affixed the Night Princess with her gaze, "no bringing Eternal Night to Equestria! And you..." She turned a faux-deathly glare upon me. "Please... please... for the Love of Faust, keep her out of trouble..." With that, as Princess Celestia stormed from the room in a huff - muttering darkly to herself about crazy humans and idiot sisters - Nightmare Moon returned control and form to Luna. Then, Luna turned to me with a forehoof outstretched. At that, I closed a hand into a fist and we ‘hoof-bumped’ – we gave each other the pony equivalent of a human high five – as together we cried "All right! / Huzzah!"

The rest – as they say – was history; I was quietly ‘outed’ by Princess Celestia as an ambassador from another realm whom had become the beloved consort of her sister, Luna, and had thus decided to stay rather than return to my homeland. Of course, since just about everypony from the Royal Palace to the Great City of Canterlot knew of me already my ‘outing’ went relatively smoothly, thank goodness. Even so, there were a few naysayers from the Equestrian Nobility – among them Prince Blueblood – whom weren’t pleased that some non-pony foreigner was dating one of the Princesses. 

Blueblood was of no consequence – nopony listened to that whiny, spoiled brat – and as for the others whom protested against me… Well, a not so subtle glare from Luna, backed by a whisper of Nightmare Moon’s dreadful power over True Darkness, soon cowed them to silence. ‘Besides’ I thought as I sat openly beside Luna whilst she presided over yet another Night Court, ‘when did the special someone the Night Princess is dating become their business?’ Cool, soothing darkness filled my thoughts then, as Luna – whom was making negotiations with the Ambassador of Zebrica – murmured into my mind, ‘It didn’t, David – it never did – and I’ll buck any Noble who thinks otherwise…’

As the night wore on, the negotiation between Luna and the Zebrican Ambassador - which had initially started peacefully - seemed to degrade; the look on the wizened Zebrican's face turned dark, and then became angrier, and angrier until at last, the Ambassador snarled at Luna, "Never! The Great Shaman will never allow Ponies to settle within our lands until you are dead abomination!" His maddened slur against my beloved friend brought the entirety of the Court to silence... but the Ambassador was far from finished. As the Royal Pony Sisters looked on, their jaws agape, the elderly Zebrican stormed from the Courtroom and made to leave... or so we thought. 

Upon reaching the room's exit, he turned back to face the room and snarled at a still shocked Celestia, "You should have taken the opportunity to end the Demon years ago, Sun Princess. Since you have not... then I will end her for you!" With those words - before anypony could move to stop him - the Zebrican Ambassador began to dance and gesture to the air, casting some form of ancient magic. 'Wait a minute...' I thought, my eyes narrowing as I studied the movements he was making. 'Thrice round weave; twice up and twice down; then mark the Sign of the Seven Senses of... Oh, SHIT!' My eyes widening, I hurriedly turned to face the shocked Princesses and stated, "Get everypony out of here, now!" 

My words served to snap them out of their shock, but rather than following my command the Princesses frowned at me before Celestia said, "Whilst you may be the Consort of my Sister, you have no place to interrupt the proceedings of..." Brimming with a combination of mixed terror and impatience, I waved a hand at her for silence, before breaking into my own best impersonation of the Royal Canterlot Voice. "ROYAL PROTOCOL BE DAMNED!" I thundered. "GET EVERYPONY OUT OF HERE NOW! NO TIME TO EXPLAIN; JUST BUCKING DO IT! DO IT NOW!" My warning was heeded far too late… 

The sisters' combined spell of Mass Transport was powerful indeed, but not powerful enough… As more than half of the room’s occupants were moved to a safe bunker dozens of miles below the castle floors a chill, howling wind raced through the throne room. Cackling with glee borne of utter insanity, the Zebrican Ambassador tore from the room as the entire floor peeled back towards the walls revealing a yawning, bottomless pit. Terror gripped our guts, then, as from that bottomless pit rose the enormous furred claws of a great unknown Beast! Said Beast had expected there to be a bounty of souls to pull down and devour… and there was… 

All we could do was look on in horror as the furry claws of the Great Beast wrapped about the remaining ponies in the room and dragged them, kicking and screaming, into the depths of the abyss. A horrified scream escaped Celestia at the utterly senseless deaths of so many of her beloved little ponies even as she drew upon her power to form the strongest magical barrier she could make in order to protect herself, Luna, me, and those of her Elite Guard still with us. Eventually, dear readers, the spell for the Casting of Creatures to the Bottomless Pit just… stopped; the throne room was normal. There was no sign of the terrible death and destruction that had just taken place. 

Traumatized by what had occurred, it was all that both Princesses could do to transport us all to Celestia's royal chambers. Upon arrival, stifling clothing, armour, and royal regalia was doffed before Celestia raced to her bath chamber and therein vomited noisily into her toilet. A moment later – after flushing away the vacated contents of her stomach – weak, weary and trembling with fright, the Royal Pony Princess of the Sun made to join Luna, me and her Guardsponies as we collapsed upon her bed. Desperately embracing me, Princess Luna wept, her body heaving with great wracking sobs. Poor Celestia was faring no better; she cuddled close to us both, her own agonized, heart-wrenching cries filling the room. 

Even her brave Guardsponies, too, were undone; stunned, confused, and misty-eyed at the horror they had just seen, the formerly brave stallions now cuddled around the Solar Princess as frightened colts to their dam, occasionally touching and stroking her with their hooves, just to make sure she was there; to be sure that what they'd experienced wasn't some terrible dream. As she lay there with us all – clutching me tightly, and desperately against her shaking body – Luna attempted to console a bewildered Nightmare Moon, even as the Dark Princess’s revulsion at what had occurred filled their shared mind. ‘I desired to bring night eternal to Equestria – that’s true – but I never… I never wanted to…’ 

Cradling the Dark Mare’s mind within her own – giving her the mental equivalent of a hug – the Equestrian Moon Princess soothingly replied, ‘… You never wanted to cause such terrible destruction like that Zebrican did; I know, sweetheart, I know.’ Raising her head, Luna cast her gaze over her sister, cuddled with her Royal Guard, then to herself and finally to me as I lay dazed within her embrace… And then, nausea filled her thoughts as finally, she began to comprehend exactly what the mad Zebrican had been trying to accomplish… ‘Oh, Faust,’ she thought, horror twisting her guts, ‘Celly and I could’ve been pulled into that pit!’ Utterly nauseated, the Equestrian Moon Princess released me, then leaped off the bed to race into her sister’s bath chamber. 

Immediately, I made to follow her, arriving just in time to hold aside her mane as she, too vomited into the toilet. After a moment, she raised her head, whereupon I let go of her mane and then flushed the toilet, before moving to fetch her some water from the vanity which she used to rinse her mouth out. “I… I’m not going to ask if you’re okay…” I croaked. Moving to lean heavily against me, Princess Luna shook her head, a weary sigh escaping her, her eyes briefly closing as the adrenaline left her body. A moment later, she softly replied, “No; no I’m not, David. Most of the Equestrian Nobility were idiots at best and puppets of other Nobles at worst, but… none of those we could not save deserved… that! 

As much as it pains me to sound so callous, we can only be thankful that today wasn’t a Session of Parliament; true Government. Today was just… just an Open Court…” Unable to continue, poor Luna broke down crying again. All I could do was hold her gently in my arms, feeling utterly inadequate. How could I – a normal, ordinary human – stand against terrible power such as that wielded by that mad Zebrican? A moment later, I was pulled from my thoughts by the voice of Luna, whom – after having regained her composure – continued, “The remaining Nobles are going to be wondering what the buck just happened back there. Shining Armour is going to be pissed that a Zebrican Witch Doctor slipped past his Guardsponies into the Royal Palace undercover as a bucking ambassador.

Even worse this entire incident is gonna cause one hell of a political shitstorm between Equestria and the Republic of Zebrica…” Carefully and gently, I roamed my hands along her neck and then through her mane; at this she snorted, the sound soft and horselike, before she continued, “Buck me… this is going to be a Nightmare…” Then, to Nightmare Moon, she softly uttered, ‘Uh, no offense…’ ‘None taken…’ Came the subdued response of her dark alter ego. Shortly thereafter, I stopped my caressing of her neck and mane and then – after pulling away from her to fetch a water for myself – I swiftly returned to her, took a drink of said water and sniped, “Bah… Shitstorm my foot! That Zebrican fucker tried to kill us all, Luna; you, me, Celly and everypony else in that Court. 

Now, I don’t know jack-shit about politics… but that’s an act of war; it has to be…” At my words, Princess Luna nuzzled into my neck with another weary sigh, the sound bespeaking of one who’d been there, seen it, done-it-all-before. “Yup,” she said, “just one of those days …” “Tell me about it…” I grumbled. “What I’d like to know is: how did that Zebrican even get into the palace in the first place? Judging from what you told me about him during our last big talk, Shining Armour keeps security pretty tight around here; like Twilight, he’s very well organized and is always one step ahead of the game.” When Luna nodded wordlessly, I continued, “So how could he let this Zebrican fucker slip through the net?”

As I asked the question, there came the sound of heavy hoofsteps behind and – upon turning to investigate the source of the sound – we beheld the sight of Celestia, covered by a simple grey medical blanket. “I would like to know that as well, David” she said as she tromped wearily into the bath chamber. “In addition to how you knew that the Zebrican was casting a spell at all.” Stopping before Luna and I, the Solar Princess affixed me with a piercing, hawklike gaze as she impatiently tapped a hoof upon the bath chamber’s tiled floor. “I don’t have the time or luxury for games, human, so come on – out with it – now,” she growled. Appalled by her sister’s attitude, Luna inhaled a breath to voice a protest, but even as she formed the words to say they died within her throat as Celestia silenced her with a baleful glare. 

Then, returning her attention to me, the Princess of the Sun snarled, “Talk, now!” Heaving a weary sigh, I complied. “The magic the Zebrican used back there in the Throne Room was a powerful spell called ‘The Casting of Creatures to the Bottomless Pit.’ It’s detailed in a book called ‘Chasms of Malice…’” As I made to continue, with a thoughtful nod, Celestia uttered, “Hm. A vile name for a vile tome, no doubt filled with even more wicked spells…” Shaking my head, I replied, “Princess, ‘Chasms of Malice’… it isn’t a spellbook. It’s… it’s a Fighting Fantasy Novel. Let me show you…” Quickly, I looked to Luna and she nodded wordlessly before – with a soundless spell – she popped me over to her chambers wherein I swiftly retrieved the book.

Then, after she and I returned to Celestia, I showed the Solar Princess the book – including the relevant pages dealing with the spell – and gave her a brief explanation of the Fighting Fantasy Universe, its accompanying book series, and the adventures to be had therein. As I spoke, Celestia’s radiant though weary visage grew darker, and darker; then, once I had finished my explanation – and bade Luna send the book back to our quarters – the Princess of the Sun stood before her sister and I, her head lowered to bare her horn before us and her bangs covering her eyes. “Are you telling me,” she growled, “that the Zebrican used a spell from a… a GAME BOOK?!”  Seething anger brought to the surface bade her continue shouting at me with the Royal Canterlot Voice.

“THAT ZEBRICAN USED A... A SPELL FROM A GAME BOOK TO KILL MY LITTLE PONIES?” When I nodded wordlessly, scraping a hoof on the floor, she continued, “THEN HOW IS IT THAT HE COULD HAVE MADE WHAT IS SUPPOSEDLY FICTIONAL BECOME REAL?! HOW?! YOU WILL TELL ME!” Leaning wearily against Luna for support – taking a small measure of strength from the comfort she silently provided - I sighed softly, resting my head in my hands, rubbing the top of my head as I tried to massage away a growing headache and clear my mind. Then, a moment later, I raised my head to look at Celestia and responded, “Scientists in my world believe that while our universe is self-contained, closing back in on itself..." 

I sketched out a bubble-like shape with my hands in the air "...they think that it might also be, well, porous. Perforated with countless trillions of wormholes – tiny pinhole tunnels, too small for even a single atom – linking it to other universes around it. But maybe... Maybe things seep over. Maybe ideas, thoughts, memories, and concepts can seep through from one world to another, and certain receptive beings – for example, a nameless Zebrican – pick them up." Finished with my explanation, Luna and I waited for Celestia’s response. For a moment, the Princess of the Sun just stood there blink-blinking, unsure as to how to respond… but then, as we watched – after having seen so much senseless death – something inside Celestia… broke.

“You…” she growled darkly at her sister, “you made the veil thin when you brought him over due to your own selfish desires! How dare you put yourself before Equestria – before us all –for the friendship of one pitiful, mortal human! This is all your fault!” Terrified, I watched as with those last, shrilly screamed words, Celestia charged towards her beloved sister than pivoted and tried to brutally kick Luna in the head with the full force of her powerful hind legs! Unwilling to allow my dear friend to be harmed however, I shoved the Moon Princess away from the path of her sister’s blind rage then dove out of the way and not a moment too soon…

As I crashed painfully to the tiled bath chamber floor, I felt the dinner plate sized hooves of the elder alicorn pass inches above my head, then heard Luna’s terrified scream, along with the crash of breaking glass! A moment later – as glass fragments, large and small, rained down upon my aching form – I realized that, having missed her sister and me entirely, the mighty hooves of the Solar Princess had instead utterly shattered the mirror of the bath chamber vanity. The fact that she had missed her targets only served to fuel her rage and shortly thereafter I clutched my throat, gasping and choking, as Celestia attempted to choke me to death! “Gkk--! Stop! This… wasn’t… my… fault… Please…” I gasped, struggling to breathe through the force of her solar magic slowly crushing my windpipe.

My death, it seemed, was assured, dear readers; but fortunately it was not to be; as I lay there, my skin starting to turn blue from lack of oxygen in my blood as I started to black out – suddenly I heard the voice of Luna’s alter-ego Nightmare Moon as she cried, “NO!” Then, with blackening vision I watched as the fully manifested Dread Mare of the Night barrelled into Princess Celestia, knocking her down and disrupting her deathly magic! My chest heaving as I gasped in great breaths of air, in awe, I watched as Nightmare Moon wrestled with the enraged Celestia, before pinning her to the ground and finally knocking her out with a variation of Batman’s famous Ground Pound™ Attack!

Shortly thereafter things became even more hectic as a fresh squad of Royal Guardsponies – no doubt sent ahead by Shining Armour and attracted by all the noise – burst into the bath chamber in order to investigate what was going on. However, even as they goggled and stared at the devastation around them, even as some made to accost Nightmare Moon and surround the unconscious Solar Princess, the Dread Mare paid them no heed; the only concern in her and Luna’s shared mind at the time was my well-being. Hissing at the Solar Guard in warning – causing them all to back off – Nightmare Moon swiftly lifted me atop her back and then, with a final deathly glare of warning, transported her and me to her and Luna’s shared quarters.

Upon our arrival there, her body shaking from the effect of adrenaline, the Mare of the Cold and Silent Night tucked me into her bed and then hopped in beside me, wrapping her forelegs, hind legs, and a wing about my body, pulling me into her warmth. Stunned and dazed by all that had happened, for a moment I just stared at her – my only movement the occasional blinking of my eyes – before I softly rasped, “Moon… Are you and Luna okay?” My words mightn’t have been the right thing to say… but then again, perhaps they were, for as the adrenaline left her system, a state of shock set in and Nightmare Moon began to weep silent tears. “’Am I okay?’ Are you okay? Oh, you silly, silly human… Luna and I could have taken our sister’s strike against us! Why… Why did you do that?’

Even as she began healing the visible and invisible damage Princess Celestia had done to my trachea – even as she lowered her head to rest within the crook of my arm – Nightmare Moon continued to weep, her tears staining my skin. Weakly throwing a hand over her neck, I combed my fingers through her mane. Said mane was no longer filled with stars, or even billowed gently as though caressed by a nightly breeze; an illusion which had failed due to her exhaustion. Beneath was revealed her real mane – the same as any other pony’s though coloured deep purple – and as I allowed my fingers to freely roam through it, Nightmare Moon allowed herself to let go and cry until there were no more tears to fall.

“I did it,” I softly replied as she wept “because I wanted to protect my friend. Because I…” As I made to continue, however, Moon raised her head to nuzzle me and then ‘shushed’ me with the softest of kisses; the words didn’t need to be said, because she knew and felt the same. When the echo of her anguished cries faded away – as I gently wiped away her tears with my hands – softly, the Dark Mare murmured, “Oh, mine beloved Consort… We can barely begin to think of Our sister’s current mental state. She will have regained control of her faculties by now, surely! She shalt be devastated, verily, by her actions toward Us and You, of this We have no doubt. 

Though We would normally be pleased greatly by anything that should cause Our sister grief – because of what she did to Us so long ago – this feels… It isn’t… it isn’t…” She lapsed into a pensive silence as I concluded, “It isn’t right.” When she nodded – a choked sob escaping her as I kept combing my hands through her mane – I continued, “It isn’t right, because a Line has been crossed. When you originally relaxed and kind of mellowed out – though you no longer wanted to bring eternal night to Equestria – you still took great pleasure in ‘sticking it’ to Celestia any way you could, as payback for her banishing you to the moon…” 

With this said, it couldn’t be helped – Moon and I giggled like a pair of misbehaved school foals – for said methods Moon employed  to get back at Celestia mostly consisted of utterly hilarious pranks and practical jokes which had caused the poor Solar Princess no end of mane-pulling annoyance and grief! “However,” I continued, once we were able to get ourselves under control, “though what’s just happened has caused Celestia terrible grief, it’s the wrong kind of grief. What that Zebrican bastard did wasn’t a prank or a joke; Celestia is genuinely, deeply hurt, and – even worse – other ponies were involved! That’s always been the unwritten rules between you two: no matter what you did to each other it wasn’t to involve other ponies, or hurt anyone.
 
That aside, you relish the state she’s in now, but… because other ponies were involved, you feel guilt for feeling this way; it seems wrong – hollow, and petty – doesn’t it?” When Nightmare Moon nodded, her eyes misty with tears, and then lowered her head to rest within the crook of my arm again, I continued, “I suspect there’s kind of a… territorial thing going on here, too – you are the only one who is allowed to cause Celestia grief; nopony else – but the Zebrican… took that from you.” In response to my words, the Dark Mare just blinked. “In short” I concluded, “what you’re feeling is perfectly normal.” At this, Nightmare Moon lifted her head to stare at me for a moment, before she tremulously responded, “It… It is?”

“Yes,” I answered. “Now, listen to me very carefully: when the Zebrican cast that spell – when he summoned that dreadful beast and killed all those Nobleponies – at that point the Game ended. The Game is over now, Moon. Do you understand? Whatever resentment you feel towards Celestia, you have to put it all aside, end the feud and step up; you, Luna, me, and everypony else… we all have to help Celestia, now, okay? We’ve got to help her get through this, not only for her sake, but for Equestria’s as well.” For a moment, Nightmare Moon affixed me with a steady gaze. Then she nodded and shortly thereafter slowly and reluctantly released me from her embrace. 

“Yes…” she hissed softly, “and then We shall see to the Zebricans… We… will make them PAY for what they’ve done… But first, Our Sister. I take it thou has a plan of sorts?” At the question - as I got out of her and Luna’s bed, dressed in my usual clothing, and then grabbed Luna’s grooming kit from her dressers – I nodded, immediately answering, “I do. We’re going to spoil her – treat her the same way as I treat you – with a hot bath, a mane brushing, a hooficure; the works. Then, you and Luna are going to do your level best to get the castle in order. Of course, if Luna chooses not to surface, then it’ll be all you in the driver’s seat. You wanted to rule Equestria; now’s your chance. Don’t screw it up.”

No sooner had the last word left my lips, then Moon’s eyes visibly widened for a moment before glazing over as she conversed with Luna in the realm of thought; a stream of twinned consciousness faster than any mere verbal communication could ever hope to be. Seconds later – as she recalled her royal regalia to her side and bade me help her don it – the Dread Mare looked to me and said, “It is decided, mine Consort; for the time that Our Sister is in recovery, Luna and I will rule jointly. Now come, let us tend to Celestia…” With those words, Nightmare Moon released control to Luna and then together, with a softly nickered spell, she transported the both of us back to her sister’s bedchamber.

Upon our return to the bedchamber of the Solar Princess we beheld the sight of carefully organized chaos – swathes of ponies were setting the room in order, repairing the damage to the bath chamber, and carefully treating Celestia’s Guards for shock. To my dismay, however, Luna and I saw that all were giving the Solar Princess herself a very wide berth; she appeared a sullen, tattered island amidst the sea of ponies. The organized chaos herein was being overseen by the careful eyes of Shining Armour and his beloved, Princess Cadance, whom was gazing at Celestia with eyes deeply saddened. Of course, the abrupt arrival of the Moon Princess and myself caused one hell of a disruption! 

No sooner had Luna and I appeared then there came a cry of “CONTEGO REGIS FILIA!” as several fresh Guardsponies swiftly surrounded us, brandishing foreleg-mounted spears, lances, and deadly serrated-edged swords – but no sooner had this happened than Shining  Armour espied us and bellowed, “Stand down, Stallions! Don’t you recognize your Princess of the Night and her Consort?!” At the words of their Captain, the all-too-eager Guardsponies actually looked at whom it was they were surrounding, and then – with nervous chuckles and more than a few sheepish grins – they immediately sheathed their weapons, stepped back, and stood at ease.

It was then that Luna took charge. Shoving her way almost rudely past them, she swiftly approached Shining Armor and his Wife and I followed after her – only to stop beside her a moment later as she stood regally before the Captain of the Guard and snapped, “Why hast mine Sister not been attended to? Why hast thou assigned nopony to see to what ails her?” Despite the fact that he was the Captain of the Guard – and the fact that he was an incredibly brave pony – when faced with the very, very angry Princess of the Night, poor Shining Armour was thoroughly intimidated! He shook and stammered and hemmed and hawed, serving only to make Luna impatient.

“Speak quickly Guard Captain!” she demanded, tapping a forehoof upon the floor. “We have not the time, nor the patience to tarry!” To our surprise, it was Princess Cadance who finally gave the Lunar Princess an answer. “We… We tried to help her, Lulu – we really did,” the Princess of Love said, once again looking sadly at Celestia’s still form, “but she won’t let anypony near her! She… She says it’s too dangerous…” At these words – in a rare display of public vulnerability – Princess Luna dropped to sit upon her haunches and closed her eyes, her body trembling with barely supressed emotion as she pressed a hoof against her forehead. Moving to sit beside her, I wrapped an arm about her body and she leaned against me for emotional support, drawing upon my silent comfort.

A moment later, with a weary sigh, she and I got to our feet and then – addressing Shining Armour – she stated, “Guard Captain, see to it that repairs to this room are completed swiftly, then please escort everypony out of here. Ensure that those Guardsponies whom are currently being treated here are moved to the Royal Clinic; then gather those Nobleponies remaining from the safe bunker beneath the Castle and see that they are escorted safely home. Now, Guard Captain!” Her words spurred Shining Armor, and his beloved, into action and – in practically no time at all – the repairs to Celestia’s suite of rooms were completed. 

Then, as Princess Cadance oversaw the escort of the Sun Princesses suffering Guardsponies to the Royal Clinic, Shining Armor ordered everypony from the room before heading down to the Crystal Caves beneath the palace to see to the Nobleponies within the Safe Bunker. When at last everypony was gone from her sister’s bedchamber, Princess Luna hung her head, a sigh of relief escaping her. Then, a moment later she raised her head to look at me and stated, “Come, my Consort; let us tend to my Sister.” The Solar Princess made no move to acknowledge us when we approached her; she simply continued to lay there upon her bed, insensate, her eyes glazed over. 
 

For all intents and purposes… it was as if we weren’t there at all. “Sister? Celly? Please, awaken yourself! Wake up!” Luna cried. Naturally, this didn’t work – her words not only fell upon deaf ears, but Celestia actually whimpered and buried her head between her forelegs, closing her eyes. Upon seeing this, Luna tentatively raised and extended a forehoof – perhaps to touch or attempt to shake Celestia out of whatever state she was in – but at this, the Princess of the Sun actually flinched away. Gently placing a hand upon Luna’s back, I softly said, “This isn’t working; let me try…” For a moment, the Equestrian Moon Princess glanced at me – the expression on her face one of hopelessness and despair – but then, finally, she moved away, allowing me to step fully into Celestia’s field of view. 

Crouching down such that I was at her level, I smiled at her, covered my eyes with my hands and then uncovered them with a softly spoken “Peek-a-Boo!” After repeating this a few times I found – to my delight – that Celestia was looking at me with sweet, innocent eyes, a smile upon her muzzle. Having gotten her attention, as Luna looked on in wonderment, I pulled a series of funny faces, which caused the Sun Princess to giggle like a little foal. Shortly thereafter, I leaned forward such that I could whisper to her, “Can I ask you a silly question?” When she giggled again and nodded in assent, I asked, “Do you know what you are?” In answer, the Sun Princess gestured to herself and cried “I’m a Pony!” 

At her answer, I let out a gasp of mock-astonishment – which caused the Solar Princess to giggle again – before I responded, “Really?” Princess Celestia nodded sagely as she promptly stated, “Yup… and you’re a Hooman!” Grinning at her, I nodded as I replied, “That’s right! I’m a Human… but I’m a silly human because” – and here, I gasped again, before I continued – “I’ve forgotten your name! Oh, woe is me!” With that, I dramatically allowed my upper-body to fall forward onto the bed such that Celestia and I were nose to muzzle. At my theatrics, Celestia giggled again before she said, “I’m Celly, silly Hooman. What’s your name?”

“My name is David,” I answered. At this, Celestia blinked and smiled, leaning her head forward to softly touch noses with me. “Hi, David,” she chirped happily. “I’m a Princess! Are you a Princess, too?” Slowly, tentatively, I reached out a hand and gently ruffled her pink mane, answering, “No… but I’m the friend of a Princess, and—can I tell you a big secret?” When Celestia nodded, I leaned forward and – gesturing for Luna to come forward – I whispered theatrically, “I’m her special somepony, too!” Upon seeing Luna, the Solar Princess gasped, “Lulu!” and then blushed, the skin beneath her white fur becoming pink as she desperately tried to stifle innocent, childlike laughter!

~David… what is the matter with her?~ Luna asked me via telepathy as she knelt to nuzzle her sister. ‘She’s regressed into a kind of childlike state, Luna, in order to cope with all that’s happened today.’ I answered. ‘Hopefully she’ll come out of it, soon, but until then this might be a good opportunity for you to… well… reconnect with her; re-establish the bond you have with her as your Sister.’ Luna nodded thoughtfully as Celestia opened her muzzle wide in a jaw-cracking yawn. “I think…” the Night Princess replied, “that it is time for young fillies to be having baths and then going to bed…” No sooner had she spoken, however, then Celestia pouted and grumbled, “Aww, do I have to? I’mma Princess; I dun’ need to lissen to you!”

Fighting the urge to grin, I affixed the old-but-young Solar Princess with a stern gaze as I replied gently but firmly, “Yes, you do! A good Princes should always listen to her Subjects, even if sometimes they say things she doesn’t want to hear. A Princess who doesn’t listen to what her subjects say – and does whatever she wants - is a bad Princess! Are you a bad Princess, Celly?” Her eyes misty with unshed tears and her lower lip trembling, Celestia rapidly shook her head before she whimpered, “N-No… M’Sorry!” Giving her a smile, I gently enclosed one of her forehooves in my hands as I soothingly replied, “Of course you’re not a bad Princess… And I accept your apology! Now come on, up you hop…”

With that, the Solar Princess blink-blinked and then eased herself down off her bed to stand on wobbly legs. Once she was standing, together, Princess Luna and I led her to the bath chamber, wherein we discovered that said chamber had, indeed, been expertly repaired; there was no sign of the previous damage from Celestia’s breaking of the vanity mirror. Even better, the bath chamber was ready for use; steaming hot water filled the large bathing pool that dominated the room, freshly laundered towels hung upon their racks and the vanity had been stocked anew with plenty of soaps and scented bathing oils. Carefully, Luna and I helped Celestia into the bathing pool.

Once she stood within said pool – as the water which constantly kept the pool full escaped from its hidden source to flow over her body, run down her sides and drip off her undercarriage - Luna and I gave Celestia the gentlest bath she’d ever had. As Celestia giggled with delight, deliberately splashing us both on occasion, we soaped, lathered and washed every inch of her body until she became the cleanest alicorn in all of Equestria. A good hour later, it was a very contented and sleepy Princess that we escorted from the bath and then towelled dry… but her treatment wasn’t over yet. Once Celestia was back in her bed chamber Luna and I bade her lay back down upon the bed and then I retrieved the Night Princesses grooming kit. From said kit I pulled a hairbrush and then – gently pulling Celestia’s head into my lap – I began to slowly and soothingly brush her mane, working from the top of her head to the base of her neck.

“Brushie, brushie…” I murmured soothingly to her as I worked. “Brushie, brushie…” As I brushed her slowly and gently, Celestia hummed contentedly, occasionally tapping my thigh with a hoof in appreciation. “Mmmm…” the Solar Princess murmured, “you were right, Lulu… this is wonderful…” At her words, my eyes narrowing ever so slightly in concern, I asked, “Is that you, Celestia? You okay?” Seconds later, Luna hopped up onto the bed and lay there with us as she, too asked, “Art thou well, Sister?” With a soft, choked sob, the Princess of the Sun whispered, “No, dear-heart, I am not. I don’t think I will ever be ‘well’ again… not from this!” Looking up at me, she continued, “I… I almost kill…”

“… But you didn’t!” I exclaimed softly, cutting her off. “Moon stopped you, remember?” Celestia pondered my words for a moment, before she nodded and winced. “Yes,” she whispered, “I do. She… wrestled me to the ground and… and then kicked me in the head…” “That we did” spoke Nightmare Moon, briefly startling Celestia for a moment. “But thou attacked mine Consort with intent to murder him! Thou thinkest that we wouldst not keep him safe from thee? Humph! Think again…” The Dread Mare of the Chill Night struck Celestia cold with a baleful glare… but no sooner had she done this than I was tucking her head under my arm and ruffling up her mane… which completely ruined the effect!

“Argh! Stop!” the Dark Mare cried, trying to squirm away even as she struggled to contain her laughter. “Never!” I cried and then – ceasing my brushing of Celestia’s mane, much to the white alicorn’s disappointment – I proceeded to poke, prod, and tickle Nightmare Moon until she was giggling uncontrollably. “St-st-st-hop it!” she cried. For a moment, I did so, looking at Celestia with a sly grin which the Solar Princess eagerly returned… Until, a moment later, she and I proceeded to tickle Nightmare Moon until the Dread Mare was whinnying with laughter! Though we were valiant in our attempt to tickle the Moon Princess into submission, Nightmare Moon gave as good as she got and so it was that eventually we three all ended up tangled together in a snarl of arms, legs, hooves, and feathered wings.

Once we were able to regain control of ourselves, Princess Celestia and Nightmare Moon snuggled me gently between them both and – as I gently stroked the ears and manes of these two beautiful mares on either side of me – I murmured, “Don’t worry, you two; between the three of us I’m sure we can put things right and get things back in order around here…” At my words, the expression on Princess Celestia’s face wilted into one of despair before she whispered, “I hope so, David… I hope so. Faust preserve us… what am I going to tell the Press, let alone the families of those poor Nobleponies whom were murdered by the Ambassador and his wicked spell? Funerals will need to be held, and yet… and yet there are no bodies to bury…”

Celestia began to weep softly again as all the while Nightmare Moon seethed with anger at the elder alicorn’s plight. The Dread Mare got her vengeance soon enough, however; over the next several months – as funerals were held, security was increased, and young nobles with fresh ideas were inducted into the Court – reports filtered in from Zebrica. Said reports spoke of a ‘mysterious shadow’ that would enter Zebrican homes at night and then leave swiftly come morning, though not before stealing the life from the eldest Zebras within. Curiously the number of Zebras whose lives were taken matched that of the thirty ponies dead due to the Zebrican Ambassador’s spell. An eye for an eye…

One night after Canterlot had returned to normalcy, however, things took yet another downward turn - this time for me, rather than the Princesses, for I found myself within a powerful lucid dream, before a being whom I reviled above all others: Discord. Sitting within a far-too-high-backed leather chair behind a great oak desk, the foul Draconequis steepled his clawed hands and spoke. "I know your kind," he said contemptuously. "Let me guess; back home you were a loser with no real job, no girl, no career, no skills or abilities worth speaking of, dangling an inch from going on the dole – if you weren't there already.... nothing at all to distinguish you from the other umpty million no-accounts wasting their lives on Facebook. 

And suddenly this great miracle occurs--" he spread his hands over his head, producing a monochrome rainbow-- "and you're in the Magical Land of Equestria!" he snorted. “And now you think you're the hero of the story." Dressed in the ragged clothes of a hardened criminal, with my hands and feet bound in thick iron chains – and unable to speak due to my mouth having been crudely sewn shut with enormous stitches – I could say nothing as he sneered. "That's right. You think you're the Chosen One, don't you. You fall butt-first into the magical wardrobe, or slip and fall through the mirror, or get sucked through some glowing portal... 

And so naturally you think that the Great Aslan – or Gandalf, or the Elf Princess, or Zordon, or whatever fairy tale you subscribe to – has chosen you to be the great world-changing hero. You humans glut your bookshelves with such stories.... pandering to your pathetic fantasy." He spit in disdain. "That somehow just bumbling your way into another world overcomes all the shortcomings and failures of character that made you such a useless lump back home." His scowl turned to a smirk. "I bet you even imagined that you'd come here in the dreamscape and teach me a thing or two....the hubris of humanity never ceases to amuse me. You know why there are so many stories like that? About worthless failures tumbling into other realms? 

Because most people ARE worthless failures – though looking at you, you're apparently pushing the envelope.... And guess what? It really happens all the time. Thousands, millions every day, all over the multiverse. Some portal opens up in some unwashed cretin's filthy apartment and he falls through it. You know what happens ninety nine percent of the time?" I glared at him defiantly as he continued. "Dead. Usually within hours, most within days. A statistic of interdimensional travel. Oh, not from falling into an unsurvivable atmosphere or anything droll like that. They just go out and win a Darwin Award at the speed of light. Running up, trying to pet the local wildlife – or the locals. 

Eating poison berries. Getting an infection. Suffering a minor injury and not knowing how to treat it. Crossing the royalty.  Burned as witches. Dissected as alien monsters. Caged and put in a zoo. "But the best ones, the most hilarious ones, are the ones who cross over into another dimension, manage to survive, get their feet under them, and proceed to fall into the same old useless lump of a life they had in their old world." He grinned in my face. "Like you. You think you have standing? Stature? Position? You honestly think Princess Luna - a ruler thousands of years old – desires you as her love interest? She is patronizing you. Playing along just to see what the funny monkey does next. 

You're just what you were back on your homeworld: a charity case!" At these, his final words, I just… lost it. This was my dream and thus, I took back control! The chains and ragged clothes I wore fell away and dissolved to dust as I took the form of my idol: the twisted, withered Kaled Scientist Davros from the new series of Doctor Who, though a better version far more intelligent and less maniacal. Supremely confident – supremely evil – as I sat within my chariot with a legion of loyal and downright friendly Daleks arrayed around me, I hissed, “You think that you can enter my dream and poison the love that Princess Luna and I share by filling me with self-doubt? Such arrogance…”

"Humph,” Discord replied. "What are you going to do about it, huh? Kill me? As if you could...” My thoughts enhanced and buoyed by the legion of Daleks around me, I shook my head before flippantly replying, "No; that would be a waste of time. You are a God; thus you are beyond physical death. But torture...” I chuckled evilly, "... you are not beyond that. Firstly, let us debunk some of what you have said. Let's see 'a loser with no real job, and no girl'—this is false. I am not a loser, and I have no job because I don't want one. I refused to work for humanity and had no desire to subject myself to the stresses and rigours that said work would place upon my body and mind; I saw what it does to my Mother and had no want to subject myself to that!
 

I had no human girl because I despised humankind – women and children in particular. While it is true that I possess 'no skills or abilities worth speaking of' I know enough maths to use money, and can handle the software side of a computer like you wouldn't believe! As for 'dangling an inch from going on the dole', well, before I came here to Equestria I was on a Disability Pension and was quite well-off thanks to that, with roughly two thousand dollars in the bank that I was putting towards financing a unit of my own. And 'wasting my life on Facebook'? Please... If I wanted to talk to somebody, I wouldn't do so there; I would speak with them face to face; I hate Social Networking sites.

Now… what else did you blather on about…?” I thought for a moment – recalling his words – and then continued, “Ah, yes, the ‘great miracle’ wherein I supposedly ‘fell butt-first into the magical wardrobe, slipped and fell through the mirror, or was sucked through some glowing portal... to the Magical Land of Equestria!’ Newsflash, dear boy: whilst I may have ended up here, it didn’t happen like that—at all!” As a frown creased Discord’s muzzle, I continued, “Let me tell you a little something about Princess Luna: outside of her duties as the Diarch of the Moon, she is very shy and socially awkward… and the stigma of Nightmare Moon hanging over her certainly doesn’t help with that. 

Unable to befriend her beloved ponies due to their fear of her – filled with lonliness and desperation – she sought friendship elsewhere, in an outsider. That outsider just happened to be me, and Luna took me through the veil herself on October 31st 2009. As for thinking I’m the ‘Chosen One’ who will save all of Equestria… Where did you get that idea? Have you been reading too many badly written ‘Human-In-Equestria’ fan fictions? The greater problems of Equestria are no concern of mine! If Equestria is to be ‘saved’ from some terrible occurrence than it will be the Guard, the Elements of Harmony, or the Princesses themselves who do the ‘saving’; not me. My only concern is Princess Luna; her happiness and wellbeing. Nothing more, nothing less, for I am no great hero.

As for her patronizing me… I will tell her you said this and she will deny it… vhemently! What she and I have is real; we were friends first and now I am her Consort. I desire no other ‘position’ than that. And finally… as for me being a charity case…” My voice becoming deeper and even more sinister, I laughed darkly and heartily. “I intend to earn my place here, Discord. And when I do – when all your thoughts and dreams of my failure are nought but dust and ashes – then, and only then, will I allow you to die! But, for now…” Wordlessly I raised my cybernetic hand to point a metal finger at the seething Draconequis… As I did so, a thousand Daleks acquired their target… 

A thousand hate-filled Dalek voices cried a single deathly word… and then, the final thing I saw before I awoke… was the look of horror upon Discord’s face as a thousand Dalek weapons fired… Seconds later, Princess Luna nudged me roughly with her muzzle, waking me, pulling me from the Dalek Empire of my dreams into reality where I was once more an average, ordinary human. “David” she asked, “are you alright? You… You were laughing wickedly in your sleep?” I blinked blearily at her for a moment, before shaking my head and cuddling closer to her as I answered, “No… I’m not.” Then, I told her of what had happened within my dream and as I spoke the expression upon the Night Princesses face grew grimmer and grimmer until finally, she and Nightmare Moon snarled as one, “That miserable son of a dam-bucking BITCH!”

Then, touching her nose to mine and nuzzling my cheeks, breathing her sweet breath across my face and through my hair, softly Luna stated, “David, whatever he said to you, you mustn’t believe a word of it, for spreading self-doubt is one of Discord’s many specialities; wiser beings than you have been fooled by his trickery. You’re not a loser, and I am not ‘patronizing’ you or pretending to love you for I would never share of myself so freely with one I did not love. I adore you for many reasons; one of which is that – when I am with you – I can just… drop the royal protocol and just be myself. I can be Luna and not ‘the Princess’ and you treat me as you would any other pony, for which I am eternally grateful!”

“I’m glad” I replied after a moment, “but… what are some of the other reasons?” At this, Luna responded, “You know how to make me smile and laugh – even when I‘ve had the worst of days – and, as you said to Discord before you had your Daleks exterminate him, you want for nothing more than to see me healthy and happy…” Grinning at her roguishly, I chuckled as I reached up to tweak her nose. “Mmm, well, those reasons are pretty good, but do you have anymore?” At this, the Equestrian Night Princess poked me with a hoof as she growled, “Okay, now you’re pushing it, mister…” In response, with both my hands, I reached out to her barrel and tickled her sides and – as she gave voice to her laughter – she attempted to bat away my hands with her hooves!

When at last we were able to regain control of ourselves, softly Luna stated, “I do have one question, however…” Raising a hand to scratch behind her ears and caress her mane, I murmured, “What’s that?” Wrapping her hooves about my body and pulling me into an embrace, she said, “Why do you venerate Davros – a man filled with such hate – as an idol?” Chuckling softly, I replied, “Because – despite how evil Davros is – there’s just something about him that’s really, really cool!” With that said, I schooled my voice and then belted out an impersonation for her, “I will teach you, the folly of your words, Doc-tor! I will destroy you… AND DEMONSTRATE THE POWER OF THE DALEKS!” 

As I finished, Princess Luna blew out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding, whilst deep inside her, Nightmare Moon whimpered and shivered with delight. “That aside…” I continued a moment later “he was right about one thing; so far I have been a… charity case.” At this, Luna and Nightmare Moon opened their shared mouth to voice a protest; however I cut them off as I continued, “But no more. I will earn my place here, Princess, and I’ll become the Consort you deserve!” Upon seeing the fiery determination in my eyes, slowly, hesitantly, Princess Luna nodded.

The next day, Canterlot Castle flew into an uproar for Princess Celestia discovered - to her horror and sadness - that her beloved sister and her human Consort had disappeared; both having slipped away during the night. Search parties were called to scour the land but no trace of the pair were found… Luna and I had covered our tracks well. Sewage Plants, Pit and Quarry Mines, and even brutal Pit Fights in underground Pony Fight Clubs… wherever we could earn enough Bits to save for a proper education for me as well as a ‘refresher’ for her, we worked without complaint no matter the conditions. For my beloved Princess I burned, sweated, and shed my blood and tears… And she did the same for me and her little ponies.
 
It was all worth it in the end when we graduated from the best university Manehattan had to offer… but our education didn’t stop there, oh no! Luna and I together studied sociology, psychology and medicine, eventually becoming skilled doctors and surgeons whereupon we became a Travelling Doctors Service. Poor, sickened, downtrodden ponies began to whisper rumours of Luna and I – the Thin Man, they whispered with hope and awe; the Thin Man, always accompanied by his patchwork, Raggedy Mare – for we made just enough to put away as well as scrape by with barely enough food as we travelled to the very worst places of Equestria. Foal Hospitals, Burn Wards, places where ponies starved still and disease ran rampant… the location didn’t matter; if ponies needed aid we gave it freely.

We were still paid, of course, though Luna and I never asked for the bits we were given and all moneys went to purchasing the foodstuffs, medicines, and supplies needed for us to keep going. It was good for both of us; I got to stoke up the goodness in my heart and really do something with my life whilst Princess Luna – whom had once wanted to blanket Equestria with eternal night – developed a deeper connection to her little ponies. The Moon Princess also developed a deep and healthy respect for all mortal life, no longer seeing it as temporary but the precious and special thing it truly was. Despite the fact that she and I lived in a state of near-poverty, as we continued journeying throughout Equestria and its surrounding lands Luna and I couldn’t have been happier.

One day, however – after many months of healing, many months of us growing closer than ever – as we lay together upon the bed within our mobile wagon sated from our first time making love, Luna gazed at me with a saddened smile, her eyes misted with tears. “I truly cannot see why we can’t keep doing this forever, beloved” she murmured. “I should face the truth and it is thus: Equestria does not need me… not really, not anymore…” As she spoke, I nestled closer to her, pressing myself gently against her as I pulled our bed’s patchwork quilt over our bodies; she in turn threw a foreleg over me, nuzzling her muzzle into the crook of my arm. “Hey, now…” I murmured, stroking her mane, “that’s not true…”

“But it is” she softly insisted. “Celly has – and always will be – the best of us, David. She is the real Princess of Equestria, not I. My Little Ponies… they… they don’t need me anymore.” Her eyes closed, those unshed tears finally slipping from between closed eyelids to run down her face, a soft, choked sob escaping her. Hastening to comfort her, I gently cupped her face in my hands, brushing said tears away with my thumbs as I replied, “I’m sorry Luna, but… that’s rubbish!” At my words, her eyes narrowed and she made to deliver a sharply worded retort, but I raised a hand to silence her as I continued, “Your Little Ponies will always need you, Luna! Perhaps not as a second princess… But as a Doctor? Yes, they do… because you’re a good one. You’ve saved more pony lives than I can count on both hands…”

“… With your help!” she responded. “Without you to guide me through all this I’d have been lost ages ago!” Gently, I shook my head and then – as I moved to roam my hands through her mane – I stated, “You’re doubting yourself again, sweetheart; you’ve got to stop doing that! Your skill as a Doctor is equal to the gentleness of your bedside manner.” At my words, the self-proclaimed former Princess of the Night blushed before she giggled and then somewhat bashfully replied, “Oh, stop it!” Smiling, I ruffled the mane my hands were roaming through as I responded, “It’s true; whenever we assist the local hospitals, the patients warm up to you really quickly, whether they’re adults or foals.”
 

Time and life marches ever onward and soon Luna and I found ourselves up to our neck in work helping to treat foals ill with the flu and pony pox at one of the less well-funded hospitals in Appleoosa. That was where Princess Celestia – after many years of refusing to give up the search – finally tracked us down, the royal mare in disguise along with two of her guards greeting us in the stage-coach parking lot as we headed to our mobile home-clinic. “Lulu?” spoke she, clad in the fur and garb of an elderly bag-mare with her trolley of junk. “Is… is that yer?” The lean, finely-toned pinto pony mare standing at my side nodded, a heavy sigh escaping her as she replied “Aye, and you ain’t no bag mare; I can sense the Solar Magic about you. What are you doing here, Celly? Why have you come here?”

Just like that, Princess Celestia’s illusory disguise was broken, the image of the ‘bag mare and two street hobos’ scattering and blowing away in the gentle breeze as the Solar Princess –in all her regal glory – bowed her head gently, a few tears falling from her eyes to the ground as she said, “I… I have come to bring you home…” At her words – as she leaned against me for emotional support – the disguised Ex-Moon Diarch heaved a weary sigh before she said, “As I told my beloved once, my Little Ponies don’t need a second Princess. Not anymore. They do, however, always need good Doctors, and I am one. I can do more good here than I ever did holding Night Court!”

At this, Celestia – her heart awash with pain – folded a wing over her head as she began to cry in earnest, her voice breaking slightly as she pleaded through her tears, “Your Little Ponies might not need their Night Princess, but… but I need you, Lulu. I… I want my sister back…” Her plaintitive cry wrenched upon my beloved’s heart and – unable to take any more – Luna moved forwards to embrace Celestia. “Oh, Celly…” she murmured sadly. Then - a while later, after giving it some thought – Luna released the Solar Princess, stepped back and said, “Fine, we’ll return home to Canterlot with you, Sister… on one condition!” Immediately, Celestia stated, “Anything; say what you want and you’ll have it, just please come home with me. I’ve missed you – both of you – so much!”

“Upon our return to Canterlot, I will avail myself of the Royal Coffers to hire the finest Craftsponies in all of Equestria; then, upon a suitable plot of land they shall errect what will be the finest of Hospitals! This Hospital will be the best in the world Celly” Luna stated, her eyes alight with glee, “you’ll see! I will requisition the finest ponies of medicine to work there and within there shall be a laboratory wherein groundbreaking medical research will be conducted, all for the sake of our Little Ponies…” As the Eldest of the Two Sisters, immediately Princess Celestia curbed her sister’s enthusiasm but slightly. “And so it shall be done, dear Sister” said she, “but we must proceed carefully; I am sure that David has told you well of the dangers of change without caution…”

At her sister’s softly spoken words, Princess Luna frowned, her eyes narrowing and ears drooping slightly. Then, a moment later, she nodded, a sigh escaping her before she replied, “He has… and you are right. We will proceed cautiously with this – of that you have our word – but still, this will be the finest hospital ever built…” And so it was, dear readers, that Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, and I returned home to the Royal Palace of Canterlot. Therein I would have gladly spent a day at rest and relaxation with Princess Luna in our shared quarters before assisting her with her Royal Duties as usual… if Prince Blueblood hadn’t decided to do something utterly stupid the moment the Royal Sky Carriage landed…

No sooner had said Carriage gently hit the ground than he was there – his squad of personal guards with him – as he cried out “Arrest that creature! It is accused of kidnapping my Auntie Luna and holding her against her will!” As the guards roughly hauled me out of the Carriage and away from the Royal Pony Sisters – many of them giving me sorrowful looks whilst they did so – Prince Blueblood moved to follow them, a cruel smirk creasing his face. Immediately, Celestia and Luna leaped out of the vehicle to chase after him, the Moon Princess gazing at the spoiled prince with a thunderous expression, her coat darkening slightly as Nightmare Moon attempted to wrest control. “What is the meaning of this nephew?”  Luna snarled. “Unhand our consort immediately!”

When Prince Blueblood failed to acknowledge her command – instead giving her a shake of the head followed by a smug grin directed at me – that was all it took dear readers; Luna ‘gave up’ control of her form to Nightmare Moon. “Dost thou know…” said Moon as she teleported herself before the spoilt prince, “… what we used to do to ponies whom were particularly cruel, spiteful, or not too bright… like thou?” she asked. The young prince – nearly wetting himself with fear – frantically ordered his guards to release me, but it wasn’t enough to placate the Dread Mare of the Night… not at all. Getting right into her nephew’s personal space – nuzzling him gently as a mother would her foal – her voice filled with the icy chill of death, she softly whispered into his ear, “We would eat them!”

Then, with her forked reptilian tongue, ever so slowly – ever so gently – the Cold Mare licked… his… face! At that point, Prince Blueblood just couldn’t take anymore; utterly terrified, he released the contents of his bladder all over the ground then bleated like a frightened lamb before he turned tail and bolted! As Luna’s spoiled nephew fled the scene – and his guards raced to catch up with him – Nightmare Moon raced over to me, then folded a wing about my body as she began to nuzzle me all over, checking to make sure I was unhurt. “My Consort,” she said worriedly, her expression one of deep concern, “art thou well? Our nephew’s guard did not hurt thee, at all?”

Returning her hug, my body shaking with the effects of draining adrenaline, I swallowed thickly before replying, “I… I’m okay, sweetie. A bit shaken mostly…” Wearily, I leaned into her embrace, my eyes misting over with tears as I continued, “I… I honestly thought that he was going to have me locked up; he seemed so confident, so self-assured.” Even as I stated this, however, the Dread Mare – resting her head over my shoulder as I maintained my hold upon her – said “Neigh, dear David; had he locked thee up we would have sprung thee almost immediately! Is that not right, ‘Tia?” Princess Celestia – after employing a little solar magic to clean up Blueblood’s mess – nodded, her mouth set in a firm line. 

“Indeed,” she stated, “and there is no need to fear anymore; this will be the last time he is allowed near you.” Gently pulling away from the embrace in which my beloved had enshrouded me, I moved to lean against Nightmare Moon, nodding to Celestia in thanks. “Thank you,” I stated, softly. The Solar Diarch nodded regally and then – in a blaze of magic reminiscent of a solar flare – she was gone, no doubt to raise hell for poor Blueblood. I was given no time to dwell upon this, however, for a moment later I was wreathed in shadow. When I was able to see again, I found myself back in the quarters Luna, Moon and I shared together, within our bed with her beside me and my clothing – aside from my underwear – mysteriously absent.

“Dear Consort” I bemoaned jokingly as she cuddled close to me, “we must stop meeting like this. Why… with how often I end up in your royal bedchambers, somepony might think that you have some devious plot planned for me. Alas! The scandal! Mine poor human heart… it cannot stand the strain!” Struggling to contain her laughter, the Dread Mare nuzzle-tickled my ribs then playfully growled, “Plot! I’ll show you plot!” With those words, dear readers, she made to turn around – as if she really was going to show me her ‘plot’ – but in an act of sheer defiance I cried out, “Oh, no you don’t!” and then began to tickle her sensitive cutie marks! For a time, dear readers, all that could be heard within our shared quarters was the sound of a hapless pony whinnying with laughter.

Nightmare Moon, of course, wasn’t going to take this lying down, and began to give back as good as she got – thus began the tickle war of the century! As the sound of our raucous laughter travelled from our quarters into the corridors of the palace the castle servants couldn’t help but smile; never had they seen their beloved princess so happy. When at last neither of us could move, victory was declared and the tickle war ended. Being careful so as not to crush me, Nightmare Moon draped herself atop me like some giant black panther, crowing “Huzzah! I win!” Groaning with mock-effort, I pretended to heave and strain in an attempt to get her off me. “Hnnn! Never!” I cried, but it was futile; I couldn’t escape from her devious clutches! 

Carefully shifting herself off me, the Dread Mare drew me close, folding a wing and a foreleg over my body as she chuckled evilly. “You know what they say about losers, dear: a loser can become a winner… with the right… persuasion…” A moment later, Nightmare Moon’s coat visibly brightened as Luna surfaced enough that both had control of their shared body… and then the two mares in one body proceeded to give me a passionate, sizzling kiss before drawing me closer still, resting their head upon my chest with a contented sigh. Curling an arm over her neck, I began to gently stroke their blue-violet mane and at this, they heaved a dual sigh. A moment later, Nightmare Moon receeded and returned control to Luna, whom closed her eyes, humming contentedly. “Mmm… David…” she softly uttered.

There we stayed, dear readers, and slept for the rest of the day. When the Moon Princess and I awakened that evening – as we performed our usual evening ablutions together in our shared bathroom – Princess Luna turned to me and said, “You know, David, I think we could both use a change of scene. Feel like travelling to Canterlot to enjoy the Nightlife?” Almost immediately, I nodded as I answered, “Sure do; after the shit Blueblood tried to pull I could use a break from the Palace. Two things, though: how do we get out without kicking over the hornet’s nest – again - and do you have any plans once we hit the City?” At my questions, Luna just smiled before she answered, “I don’t have any real plans, David – like you I just feel as if I need a break – and as for the ‘hornet’s nest,’” she chuckled, “we won’t need to kick it over. I’ll talk to Celly so she knows where we are…”

With that said, as Luna made her way out of our chambers to talk to Celestia, I bustled about getting dressed in the best clothing I had: a fine suit – admittedly one I hardly ever wore – designed by a pony aptly named Tailor Made; one of the royal tailors. Jet-black suit pants and suit jacket, beneath which was a pthalo-blue shirt with cufflinks that resembled Luna’s cutie marks. Luna returned as I was adjusting the cufflinks of said shirt and – after giving me the once over – carefully straightened out any wrinkles in the suit’s clean cut fabric. “You look marvellous, David,” she said cheerfully. Turning about to face her, I smiled as I replied, “Ah, well, thank you… very… much? Luna, is that you?”
Where before there had been a regal Alicorn, now there stood a small, dark blue winged pegasus pony with a lighter colured mane and a constellation for a cutie mark, dressed to kill in a number that served to accentuate everything about her. Aside her stood two more ponies – Stern Visage and Proud Heart, I realized – dressed in fine, though rather plain suits. “Starry Skies and Escort at your service,” spoke the pegasus with a soft boston accent. It was something about the way she stood – something about the way she eyed me, soft, and doe like – that made me cotton onto the fact that this pegasus was… “Luna?!” At the surprise in my voice, the pegasus – Luna in disguise – nodded, and grinned. 

“Yup,” she responded, “though in this disguise I’m Starry Skies.” When I nodded, she continued, “We’re good to go, Dave; Celly’s given us the night off, though” – here she grimaced – “we’ve gotta make up for it with… double Night Court…” At this, a pained expression crossed my face, before I facepalmed and groaned, “Really? Double Night Court? Listening to those Nobleponies whine doubletime?” At my questions, all three ponies nodded, grimacing. “Ah, crap!” I grumbled, dropping my hand to my side. “Well, we’d better have the time of our lives; come on folks, let’s go!” And with that, we made our way out of the Royal Palace and down into Canterlot.

Within Equestria’s Capitol City, dear readers, we had the time of our lives. Though they were there to guard and escort us, we made no effort to exclude Stern Visage and Proud Heart from the fun we had. We went to see a hillarious comedy play called, Inglorious Ponies, dined at a high-class restaurant and found ourselves enthralled by a fantastic magic act performed by a showmare whom called herself the Great and Powerful Trixie. Even Nightmare Moon got in on the action; when we went to the restaurant, Luna went to use the little fillies’ room and then calmly returned as Nightmare Moon. As the Dread Mare of the Night calmly sat down at the table and proceeded to continue eating her meal, I couldn’t help grinning as the place suddenly went dead silent. “What?” the Night Princess asked upon seeing my expression.

I showed her her reflection in a silver serving platter; at this she carefully adjusted her mane than looked about the place at the silent ponies therein before calmly stating, “Please, everypony, continue with your meals; there’s nothing to see here…” One pony cried out, “The horror! The horror,” and then promptly fainted, but – strangely – many others obeyed and soon the place was bustling again. Oddly, business seemed to pick up; many ponies found the sheer weirdness of Nightmare Moon casually having a meal just… bizzare and so the restaurant experienced a flood of customers from the elderly to the very young. 

After finishing our meals – as we walked through a small play area for foals on our way to the exit – first one foal, followed by many more, all approached us wanting to cuddle with Nightmare Moon; they thought her ‘Pwin’cess Woona’ in a costume, of all things! Giving me a look of long-suffering, as the Dread Mare of the Night knelt down to allow the foals to cuddle and nuzzle all over her, she hissed at me telepathically, ~You will tell no one of this! No one! My reputation would be ruined!~ Struggling to contain my laughter as the foals wuzzled all over her and snuffled beneath her great black wings, I grinned and nodded, before cheekily replying, “Sure, whatever you say… Princess Woona!” 
 

At this – as Princess Luna howled with laughter within their shared mind – Nightmare Moon gritted her teeth in anger, though she couldn’t hold it for long; not with the foals cuddling up to her prone form. Soon, the parents of the foals came to ‘rescue’ Nightmare Moon from their children and we were able to make our way from the restaurant. As we made our way through the city and back up to the palace, however, we soon realized that our night out wasn’t at an end. We were passing by a filthy, trash-strewn alleyway when we heard the sound of a high-pitched scream for help. Wordlessly, Moon and I looked at each other for a moment… before we hauled flank into the alleyway. 

Therein, we beheld three black, blank-flanked stallions and in front of those three ponies, lain upon the alley floor was a battered golden-white mare, her coat mussed and spotted with bruising, her sapphire-blue dress tattered beyond repair. “Whaddya think, Icarus?” One of them asked his companion. “You wanna go at ‘er?” The second of the black stallions, the aformentioned Icarus, nodded and smiled, the scars littering his face turning the gesture into a wicked sneer. “Sure, I’ll go; I dun’ mind – heh-heh – damaged goods…” he answered and then made to move forward as the mare before him looked up in fear. That, dear readers, was when Luna struck. 

Shadow-shifting up to a roof above the three, she dove upon them like some dark phoenix of vengeance, a terrible, neighing warcry escaping her lips as she laid into the three. The three black stallions never knew what hit them; one moment they were preparing to rape a young mare for the second time and the next… As silent as death, Princess Luna of the Equestrian Moon attacked and brought down each foe, the sound of hoof upon flesh, cries of pain, and the shattering of limbs the only accompaniment to the doom she brought upon them! Whilst Luna dealt with the three, as swiftly as I could I skirted around the combat and made my way to the mare we were defending.

Whilst Luna continued to fight the three, I did what I could to treat the mare’s injuries using the limited supplies of the small emergency medical kit I had on hand. Her back end, however, I left alone; she would need a rape kit done on her and that was a job for the professionals, not ‘travelling doctors’ like Luna and I. By the time I was done patching up the unfortunate mare, Luna had thoroughly trounced the three stallions whom had dared to abuse her and had then tied them up with ropes of living shadow. “Pray tell, mine Consort,” said she to me, “how fares she? Is she well?” As I made to answer her, the sound of Luna’s voice roused the mare from her shocked stupor and upon seeing one of the Princesses before her – along with her strange human consort – the battered mare rose to her feet and made to bow.

[To be continued...]