You are Kaptian Anon
and you're watching your tank slow to a halt not too far ahead of you.
You trust that your crew were doing their best to appease Discord, and the fact they had driven a tad slower than normal was helpful.
You and Celestia had been monitoring the tanks impediment through the wilderness, and your team had known to try and delay the thing from reaching Canterlot.
Whats more, you had a few tricks up your sleeve, you and Celestia would not let this thing come to pass.
You had stuck a rather large plop of mud into one of the exhausts, you knew that it would stall if you gummed it up enough; though a simple clean, you needed to get word to your men.
And like you figured, your driver slowly eases out of the hull, dropping down and making his way to the rear of the tank.
Upon arriving, he'd see a rather large log wedge between the hull and tack of the tank, stuck quite deep into the metal siding of the treads cover as the driver looked it over.
"Hrmm... dat is odd, do not v'ecall many big longs on road."
You approach slowly, eventually sneaking right up close behind your driver as you tap his shoulder.
On his instinct, he whips around, attempt to defend himself, but you catch his strike and block.
his eyes go wide.
"Comrade KAPTAI-!?" he exclaims before you shush him.
"Yah...v'hat is status?"
The gunner huffs "V'e progress as slowly as you v'equested, but Discord is getting impatient, v'e need to stop dis soon comrade, v'e can make Canterlot by nightfall if v'e keep going like dis."
You sigh, you figured that this dragon would want to go about chaosing it up in the city, and the fact the woods didn't provide sufficent means of passage was unsettling; he would definitely be restless about it.
"Hrmmm...den I guess its time to speed tings up..." you rub your chin "bring tank to main road and drive towards Canterlot, guess v'e have to start putting down basic pit-falls to stop it."
"Pitfalls?" your driver asks
"Dah... only v'ay to truly beat dis is to trap it; Discord cannot magic it out of trap v'ith armour on tank."
He nods, understanding "and v'hat do you have us do?"
"Just keep distracting him, keep at the same speed, Celestia and I v'ill be ahead to stop you v'one last time, hopefully, he v'ill take bait."
"Yah..." your driver responds "let us hope, he not as good as you comrade."
You smirk, saluting your driver as you slinked back into the woods.
"Well how did it go?" One illuminated Princess said as she stood before your path.
You paused, saluting a bit as you give a grin.
"Dey v'ill take care of it, right now, v'e got to make ready the surprise."
"A surprise, what did you have in mind?"
an oddly familiar voice beckoned behind you as you turn to see that...pink mare.
"Hi...nice to see you again!"
"Oh, Pinkie Pie?"
"Your majesty, did you plan a surprise party with this one?"
"Why yes, I guess you could say, though it is not one I am setting." she points to the Kaptian.
"Have you met Kaptain Anon?"
Pinkie let out a gasp.
"Oh I knew I was right, I knew it!" she said, bouncing over to the shoulder of the man.
"Right about what?" You ask.
"That there was something inside! Duh, it does just look like a big fancy carriage if you ask me."
"You mean dat purple one who wrote all dose notes?"
"Yes, because she's all about books."
You look away "ah, I see...she is a Librarian den?"
Her eyes went wide "how did you know!?"
"Lucky guess."
Apparently, this pink mare had a sense about her.
"Pinkie sense" as she called it.
Some natural form of detection, heightened by whatever means she had to detect it.
she had said she sensed something inside but...
"Twilight was too busy looking on the outside to think anything was within."
Celestia smiled "It is certainly like her to want to know everything before going forward, but I am suprised that your "pinkie sense" could detect that."
The pink mare stood proudly "When there are new friends about, through steel and wood i shall sense them!"
She broke into a fit of giggles there after.
Passing a look to the Princess, you sigh.
"We have until nightfall to stop them, even at a slow pace, dere going to make progress wither we like it or not."
You point to the road
"I told comrade Driver to take main road, dat is v'ere ve shall make bait and trap."
The Pink mare gasps "ooo are you going fishing!?" she said, a rod and hat suddnly appearing in her hoof and atop her head.
"Not...dat kind." you mutter as Celestia only giggles, putting a hoof to her maw.
"V'e need to make trap for tank and..." you look at Celestia "she is bait."
Perhaps your plan in mind wasn't so amazing once you told Celestia SHE had to be the bait, her expression was of shock before she looked away.
"You require me to be bait?"
"Yes...sorry princess, but you are only v'one who can tick Discord off enough dat he v'ill turn to face you."
The princess gave a sigh, looking past the human before turning her gaze to him.
"Very well Anon, I shall do what is necessary for my subjects and my realm."
You give a coy grin and a thumbs up.
"right den, let us get to work."
Discord sat high and might atop his 'throne' in the tank.
Having popped the lid and letting his long upper body stick out, the beast would slowly enjoy the sights as the tank had pulled onto the main road with the capital coming into view.
He felt quite pleased, the sheer fact this thing radiated chaos was a blessing to his weary bones, and not a moment to soon as his eyes spot a familiar presence not to far down the road.
There, with her mane ebbing and flowing in the distance, Princess Celestia stood defiantly on the crest of a hill, not showing any sign of concern as the tank slows to a stop some distance from her.
"So we meet again Princess Celestia, my, always defiant to the end aren't you?
Celestia huffs, showing no change in her expression.
"Discord, I shall not allow you to plague these lands any further. I ask you to step down from that beast and surrender yourself."
"Me? Surrender, surely you jest Princess, but as you can see I do not plan on giving up such an advantage that I will render such wondeful insanity upon this land and you won't dare spoil it."
Celestia is a tad shaken, but holds her ground, discord certainly wouldn't listen to reason.
"Then you leave me no choice, I shall do it by force if you are not willing to submit!" she said, her horn brilliancing as a beam of magic shot right at them.
Only to impact the tank's armour.
Part of it was absorbed, the other, deflected off in an odd angle by the way the armour was shaped, flying off harmlessly before striking a mountain, and causing the snow at the tip to start caving down.
Discord had pushed his sunglasses down as he smirked, watching the snow tumble down the mountain.
"Good show, but ah, I thought you were trying to hit me, my dear..." he smirked.
Celestia's cross expression was enough to show her distaste as she fired a second, then a third time.
Each shot harmless to the impenetrable magic-resistant armour coating that protected the tank.
"Haha, oh my goodness Princess, I've never seen you kick up such dust in a spat, wonderful, simply wonderful! Oh I wish I could record this and watch it over and over, oh dear me, such a treat to see the Great Celestia struggling against such a beast?" he patted the tank as he crossed his arms.
"Now then, why don't you be a good little mare and move to the side of the road, and perhaps we can get this show underway, our 'fans' shall not be kept waiting~" Discord muttered with glee.
Celestia remained poised, she didn't flinch as she just kept her horn brilliance, unmoving.
"Hrmph, fine then...Driver, proceed forward."
The tank roared, slowly rumbling forward.
Inside, comrade Driver and Gunner watched princess from viewing ports.
"She is insaine!" Driver mutteres "She not able to stop dis ting!"
"She has no choice comrade, dis here land yah, v'e can't just run her over eider."
"but...v'hat if she doesn't move?"
The gunner gave a shrug "den v'e hope Kaptian has plan for dis."
the tank slowly drove towards the princess, kicking up dirt as its heavy treads ground into the road.
The Princess didn't move, keeping her horn brilliance as she stood before the beast.
It was upon her, stopping inches from her body as the driver grumbles, quikcly turning to the left to move past her.
Celestia shifts to the left.
The Driver turns right
She shifts to the right.
The tank returns forward, and so does Celestia.
"She's got guts comrade..." the driver muttered.
"Nah, she's got ovaries..." the gunner muttered back.
"Hrumph, she has no brains, surly she knows this will not end well for her."
Discord sighed, easing forward
"You know princess, you can just as easily give up, you cannot win. This tank is impervious to your magical charm, and only the most insaine would be so foolish to stand before this monstrosity."
"You shall not pass Discord, even if I must lay down my life for my subjects, you shall not pass!"
Discord tapped his chin "Famous last words my dear...but I am done with this charade..." he snapped his fingers, dumping what looked like a large mound of...whipped cream...atop the princess, covering her completely as he let out a fit of laughter.
"Ta ta for now princess, don't wait u-"
Before Discord could finish, a single stone whizzed at his head.
It bounced off with ease, but it knocked his head from his shoulders as it tumbled from his body.
Falling a good distance to the hard surface of the tank before rolling off into the dirt.
"Ack, stop stop!" the dragon exclaimed as the tank came to a sudden halt.
The head tied to move about on the ground as the rest of Discords body feverishly felt the space where its head once been before.
"Who did that, who dares impede my progress further? Oh it better not be that pesky night Princess."
"It's not comrade, just a normal human."
Discords head turns in place, looking to see Kaptain anon not too far from him.
"Ah, so the kaptian comes for his crew hrmm? how fitting...but you still haven't won yet!"
"Oh V'eally?" Kaptain says as he walks over to the head.
"W-what are you doing, hey, put me down!" Discords head exclaims as his body began to flail in place, trying to get out of the tank but obviously having difficulty as it clambered out of the coupula and fell to the ground below.
"Seems you need dis...I tink I vi'll hold onto it."
"WAIT! Don't you even-"
FWUMP
Stuffing a rolled up cloth into the dragons mouth impeded its vocals as you turn and run off into the woods.
The body, unsatisfied that its head was gone clambered into the tank once more, moving about the interior as it clambered over the driver, pushing the controls down as it turned the tank and drove right off into the woods behind the keeper of its head.
You are Kaptian Anon.
And you are running like the wind.
You have in hand discords head, while the rest of hm begins to plow the tank forward, taking the controls from your men.
Of course, it was obvious why he was upset, you had his head, why wouldn't he go back for it.
Anything to get them off the path as you make your way through the brush, the woods getting thicker and thicker, but the sound of your tank breaking through tree's continued to echo behind you.
It wouldn't be stopped, unless a good log could be wedged in again, but you were ahead of it, no chance in that.
The head of discord suddenly spat out the cloth huffing.
"You know, you were the ones who freed me, why do you seem so intent on stopping me after I helped you, that's certainly not very friendly."
"Neider is trying to bring chaos and destruction to a peaceful place like dis!" you explaim, leaping over a boulder as you hear trees smash apart behind you.
"Destruction, good sir I disdain destruction, what fun is that when you remove all the wonderful things you can be chaotic with?"
"Point taken...."
The head smirked "You know, I left the princess in a bit of a heap if you don't mind my saying, I'm sure...you...being what you are...would make a better ruler of this land."
"Out of di question."
Discord blinks "Fame and fortune~" he ushured on as you duck under a branch.
"Not buying it."
"Oh come now, surely anything is better than what you have back home."
Home....
You couldn't even remember home.
Your family, your life...you had lost 4 years of it fighting some stupid war.
What was worth going home for when so much is already missing?
You slow a bit a Discord grins
"Yes...you see...everything would be much better here with a stronger leader."
"And what of you den?" You ask the head.
"Me?" Discord said "Why I would be nothing but your adviser for the sheer thrill of chaos! Why, you may have to do that once you dethrone Celestia, nopony would even think of listening to you."
You huff...
You weren't all for Celestia, but then...you weren't against her either.
You were willing to help her...she even accepted it.
You wouldn't just turn your back on that pony...
She even had something...then again...you weren't into horses.
Still, you had a duty to help her, you would, grinning.
Discord blinks.
"You know v'hat, I do not tink it is my time to lead dis land. I say dere is a pretty good v'one already doing dat."
You look at the head.
"She did keep you on ice yah?"
Discords head bumbles abit "Well you see...er..." he blinked again but couldn't respond as the tank crashed through another group of tree's.
Its hull littered with foliage as it drove like a wild bull towards you.
You book it again, taking right into the woods, deeper and deeper, clutching the head before you suddenly come to a short clearing and turn to a complete stop.
Right before....yes...another ravine.
Discord smirked "Well, it sure was fun Kaptian, but i think its time we returned what should be given back yes?" he said with a grin as the tank began to approach, its engine easily audible as the dragon laughed.
"Ah, soon, such chaos shall reign!"
You grip the head tightly as you see your beast of a tank slam through the last group of trees, slowly approaching you like a predator on their prey.
"You want it so bad, then come and get it!"
You bark, suddenly extending your arm holding the head above the ravine.
Discord yelps "Oh dear me, can we not be so irrational!" he exclaims, his eyes forced to look doward as his head 'squirmed' in your grip.
The tank paused, the dragons form unmoving as it clambered from the interior of the tank, slowly coming down from the command copula and over the turret and hull.
You watch it keenly, staclking you slowly as it moved towards its prize, its wngs flapping gently as it came nearer and nearer before you grinned.
"Ah...you want it boy, you want it?" you said, shaking the head as the lower body suddenly sat upright like a dog.
Its tail even wagged as you taunted the head.
"You v'ant it boy, you do, you do?" you urge it on as it jumped in place.
"go get it!" you shout, tossing the head off the cliff edge as the body went off it.
You didn't waste any time getting back into the tank.
"Be 'veady!" you bark, getting into the seat as your crew look in surprise.
"KAPTAIN!" they all said as you closed the top hatch.
"Driver, take us back sevral feet, get clear of ridge line."
"dah!" your driver responds
"Gunner, elevate barrel seven degrees up, v'ait for signal."
"dah comrade!" your gunner responds.
"Loader...get a HEAT in barrel, v'e going to need some big boom"
"You got it comrade." your loader chuckled as he slammed the oddly shaped round into the gun's barrel.
You waited, seeing over the edge of ravine as you suddenly feel a rumbling below you as a much...much larger Discord rose from the canyon.
He roared, before breaking into laughter.
"Haha, you little fool, do you think that would have stopped me? I do not need your pathetic tank to do my own chaos reign!"
He smirked "But...I must thank you for giving me the chance to see it for myself, I must say, you humans...your weapons of war are such an interesting, if not barbaric, little thing to use."
He leaned forward.
"But now, as seeing as your use is up, I shall not be needing your services..." he smirked as he slowly drew a claw towards the tank.
"FIRE!"
The gun ripped the silence as a HEAT round flew from the barrel, striking into Discord with a defiant BOOM as the dragon fell back onto the opposit sid of the ravine, grumbling as there was a big black splotch on his chest.
"Ah, you little simpltons! Do you know how hard it is to clean fur and scale?" he dusted himself off as a second round fired from the cannon.
Then a third.
Each one doing no damage, but pushing the dragon back from the tank.
Discord shook his head "Humans...such ignorant fools..." he sighed "why are you always so difficult, I do not understand." he snapped his fingers.
But nothing happend.
He snapped again "What is this?"
You chuckle "Magic resistant armour comrade."
Discord furrowed his brow "Ah shucks." he snapped his fingers, returning to normal size before the tank.
You watch discord standing there as he sighed "it seems, Kaptian, we are at a stalemate. You cannot defeat me, nor can I defeat you." he smirked.
"Perhaps we can just part ways then, you have no reason to stop me, you have your tank and your team, we are done are we not?" he about faced, clapping his heels "now then, onward to some chaos!"
"Not so fast my dear Discord."
The angelic voice echoed around them as Celestia slowly landed before Discord, smirking.
"What is it now Princess, can't you see you're stopping me from some wonderful chaos!"
"Oh I understand well Discord, but if I may say, you have lost the bet."
"bet? What bet?"
Celestia pointed a hoof at the tank.
"You were suppose to arrive in Canterlot inside that tank. Kaptian Anon has clearly dislodged you from your place and has taken it back. I do say that he is the victor here."
Discord blinked "You cannot be serious?"
Celestia nodded "you agreed on it."
You could see several gears in the dragons mind come to a complete halt as he looked deadpanned at Celestia, gripping his head in frustration.
"Argh, he tricked me!?"
"I beg to differ." Celestia retorted "he used his head...well...in this case...yours." She giggled a bit as Discord turned to the tank.
"YOu,, you had ruined everything!" he said pointing at the beast as you smirk.
"Gunner...depress barrel.."
The cannon pointed at Discord as his horns seemed to drop.
"oh...uhm but...aha...good job, hehe." he looked back at Celestia, obviously upset by the whole ordeal.
Celestia only smiled as she looked at Discord, then to the tank as you smirk seeing her from the view port before passing a salute.
"Come...let us return to Canterlot, and deal with what we have now." Celestia said, nudging Discord as he crossed his arms.
"Oh...fine." he said grumpily.
You've returned to Canterlot, sitting atip your tank just outside the city limit as Discord is flanked by two royal guards. His claws magically enchanted in cuffs as Celestia looks on to him.
"Discord...though you have been freed by...other means...we cannot let you simply wander...as such, I must return you to your stone Prison."
"Oh please Princess, you cannot think of putting me back there, I cannot stand the fact I have to be so stiff all the time."
"Perhaps you would think better than to want to free yourself, especially asking the help of such...crafty...humans."
"Discord rolled his eyes, crossing his arms as the magical cuffs had vanished, and instead, had linked the two guards together.
Celestia stifled a giggle "Well...perhaps we can think of something."
The dragon blinked "R-really?"
Celestia nodded "You have no ill intent, despite your deires for Chaos, perhaps...we can think of something to have done to you...at a later date."
Discord blinked a bit "are...you serious? You're not just toying with me?"
Celestia shook her head. "These humans have taught me something Discord, to see all foes a challenges rather than threats, you...despite your intentions, are not evil, so perhaps...in time...we can find a way to fix that."
"Oh Celesita!" Discord said, already at her hooves "I would give anything for a chance of freedom and a toss aside of that restless sleep!"
Celestia smirked "Very well...but before we can decide, you must return as a statue...I may know just the pony who could help."
You see discord smirk "Ah...if that is all then, I shall await your-"
Poof
You blink as a flash of light enveloped Discord, turning him back into a statue as Celestia chuckled.
"I don't mean to be rude to him, but we wouldn't hear the end of his desire to be good..."
For a moment you watch Celestia as her guards carry off the statue as the Princess turned, approaching you.
"Now...Kaptian...there is the question of you and your crew." she eyed your tank before turning back to you.
Her expression was a bit sorrow "I...would guess you would wish to return to your world..."
"Yah..." you said, rather quickly if you had to admit.
Discord was right about nothing being there, but damn, it was your world and you were not willing to throw it away.
This place was peaceful, but you...you knew you didn't belong as you sighed. Easing down from your tank to approach the Princess.
"Princess..." you begin "V'e thank you for your kindness..and despite our...earlier relationship, it is good dat v'e could have come to better understanding."
Celestia looked up at you "Yes...I...must thank you for showing me something I never had seen before...and..." she giggled "giving me something to put my skills together."
You grin "You okay from dat whip cream dump?"
Celestia blushed "I may have....succumbed to its delight, eating my way out wasn't easy but I had to keep this figure." she shuffled her wigs, eying her behind as you shake your head.
"Well...den nothing wrong, good."
"Yes....it is..." she looked at you, her smile breaking a bit as you sigh.
"I take it you do not v'ant us to go?"
Celestia blushed "Oh..is it...that obvious?"
"A little..."
The mare sighed "I apologize Kaptian, it is just...you have...an affect on me....I do not wish for you to leave, but know you must..." she came closer as her eyes glinted in the fading night.
Her maw slowly came close to your mouth...
A soft kiss...before she parted, blushing madly as she hid her face behind her wing "I...h-hope that was not too sudden."
"Uh..." you blink and smirk, shaking your head "no...not at all Princess."
Celestia kept her face hidden, looking away a bit as she sighed.
"The spell I have is old, an ancient tome once read, but never thought I would need."
She lowered her wing, the blush still there as she tried to act if off.
"I know that discord made your tank magic resistant, but I know...this spell, may be perfect for such an instance."
"Perfect?" you ask.
Celestia nodded "It opens a gateway, but the energy is so powerful, anything without proper protection may be destroyed. An ancient scholar, Star-swirled the Bearded, had spoken of other dimensions...and one spell to reach them, but nay pony shall ever be able to learn it as the gateway is...unstable."
"Well..." you sigh "all v'e can do is hope dat it works."
Celestia went wide eyed "Y-you can't!" she exclaimed, somewhat surprised "I.... cannot risk the destruction of a non-indigenous species." she looked away as you put a hand on her 'shoulder'
"I trust you can do it comrade, do not v'orry. You are Princess yah, you can do it."
Celestia blushed madly again as she nodded slowly.
"Very well Kaptian."
She nodded to the guards, freeing them from the chains as they eased away, taking their stand behind Celestia as the Princess rose her horn. Her vibrant magic glowing steadily as the air around them began to shift, spinning slowly, increasing speed every so steadily as it picked up.
The magical princess's horn blazed a white light as her eyes became blank, glowing as steadily as her horn did before a portal suddenly started to rip open behind the tank.
"Dere v;e go!" You yell as the Princess keeps her focus.
"You must....hurry...I cannot hold this!" she said as you clamber atop your tank, getting into the command copula.
"Princess...Celestia..." you say "spasibo...thank you..."
She only smiles a bit as you reach into your chest pocket, drawing your flask.
"Give dis to your sister!" you call as you throw the flask, letting the metal glint against the vibrant flashed enveloped everything.
"Comrade....comrade Kaptian?"
Your eyes slowly open as you see your driver looking at you.
You blink, vision returning as you sit up in your command seat.
"V'hat happened?" you ask.
Dunno comrade...v'oke up and..."
There was a dull thud thud thud outside.
You look up at your men, then up at the hatch, slowly unbuttoning it as you eased out, and looked around the world that now became known.
You were no longer in that strange land, nor were you stuck in the desert, in fact, you were at a port, and a ship bearing your country flag was waiting ahead.
Your tanks 'magical' armour was gone, and the gun had returned to its 105mm rifled barrel.
Looking down to the side, you seen an officer tapping your turret.
"Ah, comrade Kaptain, good to see you, v'e v'ere waiting on you."
"Eh?" You respond as the officer looks at a clipboard.
"You are last tank accounted for comrade, v'e ve're waiting to get de v'ord to go, cut command v'ants every tank back."
"Ah..." you nod, slowly looking down at your crew.
"And Kaptian?" the officer called back.
"Yah?"
"I v'ould ask you remove dat....ting...from your tank."
He points to your periscope, there...attached to it was a little figure of a very familiar dragon.
You blink as you take it.
"Yah yah, v'ill do dat..." you say as the officer nods and walks off, leaving you to look at this little toy as it...almost winks at you.
"Yah...I v;ill keep you safely away..." you mutter, putting the toy into your breast pocket and feeling the....missing flask....as you smirk.
"Dey going to be good ponies..."
"Ah Celestia!" Luna called, trotting out to the coming night as her sister smiled.
"Luna...are you well?"
The Nighttime Princess nodded "Splendid! Thy has slept better than ever, where thou be the human who had gave such liquor to us?"
Celestia smiled "I'm afraid he and his friends had to depart, they have returned home to their world."
Luna looks defeated, her eyes big and saddened.
"Nay, you surely jest sister! They cannot have left so soon?"
Celestia nodded, but levitated something before her sister.
"Kaptian said to give you this...I hope you can be...responsible with it." she said as the silver flask came close to Luna, and the mare quickly magicked it with her own embrace.
She looked longingly at it before sighing.
"We guess thy speak truth on Anon's departure. He...shall be missed."
"I know Luna..." Celestia said with a sigh, a moment of pause before she looked at her sister.
"Now then, do you not have duties to tend to?"
Luna blinked, lost in thought only to return at the mention of her work.
"Yes, we shall begin our nighttime guard! Thank you...Celestia...for this." she said as she embraced her sister before trotting off.
Celestia smiled "...and thank you Kaptian Anon..."