You and your crew of your T-55AMV had been on the withdrawal from Afghanistan.
However, due to a sudden sand-storm, you had to button up and wait for it to pass.
When you finally unbuttoned your tank, you noticed that you were no longer in the desert, rather you were surrounded by trees.
"Cyjot!" You exclaim as you nudge your gunner with your foot "Dis not look like desert comrade."
Your tank mates had all observed out their own hatches as you slowly ease out the command copula, looking around at the new landscape
Lush trees to your right, lush trees to your left,and nothing in front of you but a dirt path leading onward.
"Guess v'e go on ahead yah?" Spoke your driver "dere doesn't seem to be anyting behind us."
You look around outside, the air was fresh and clean, it smelt different too; nothing like the war torn place you had just been moments before.
The question was...how?
"Kaptain Anon!" spoke your gunner as he looked down the scope of his weapon "I see village several clicks av'ay, shall v'e investigate?"
You ease back into the tank, looking through your range sites at the location your comrade told you.
Indeed, there was a small village not to far away, perhaps a good drive down from your location, who knows, maybe you can find some friendly locals.
"Yah...dere seems to be little else, v'e move den... Driver, take us slow."
Your driver acknowledge, putting the gear forward as your tank lurches ahead, slowly driving down the dirt path as you scan your surroundings from the view scope.
It didn't make sense, a few moments ago you were withdrawing with the rest of your command unit, seventy T-55's and T-62's all on the withdrawal from Afghanistan, that hellish place you had spent the last 4 years fighting in. You were glad to go home, despite the losses you suffered, but this...
This made you very uneasy as you studied the pathway, slowly driving down the dirt road.
Caution continued to beckon your mind as your driver would occasionally swerve, the fighters you had faced often used IED's in the road, and even a misplaced stone gave worry as you feel the tank lurch left and right.
"Comrade driver, v'hat you doing?" You ask.
"S-sorry sir, cannot help but be cautious."
"I do not think v'e are in same place comrade, do not hesitate to stay straight...something bout this place is different."
"Smells different too." your gunner chimed in "I do not tink v'e are in middle east anymore.
"Yah..." muttered the loader "Someting not right."
You look closely at the left, observing out the small periscope you had, turning it about to see the trees all around you.
"Dere are no trees in desert..." you mutter as you turn the periscope forward, suddenly feeling the tank lurch to a sudden stop.
"Cyjot!" you exclaim, nearly falling into your control console as you look down at the driver.
"V"hat 'as dat for?" you bark.
Your driver looks up at you. "Comrade...dere is...pink pony in road."
"Pink...pony?" you reiterate as you scramble back to your periscope, eying what...looked like a little pink horse with a pink fluffy mane staring...at you.
It didn't move, it didn't flinch, it just stood there as you blinked.
"Vhat...is dis?"
"HI!" it shouted as it waved a hoof "Are you new here, oh you MUST be new here because I've never seen something like you before, My names Pinkie Pie and I;m from Ponyville, where are you from? What are you doing out here, why are you all dusty..."
"Is she speaking English comrade?" Your gunner said, looking ar the pink mare as she rambled on, somehow clambering atop your tank and inspecting it, almost dialoguing everything she could see about your tank, commenting on its color to why it was covered in sand and how there wasn't any sand around.
"Perhaps she tinks t-55 is thing and not us inside..." you mutter as she seemed to keep referring to "you" as the tank.
"I tink she's retared... who tinks tank is living ting?" spoke your loader, hearing her clamber about your tank.
"Why do you have such a looong nose, I never knew noses were this long!" she said as you shake your head.
"I tink v'e should stay here until she gets tired, I do not vish to talk to crazy ting like dat."
"Comrade...if I may say, dat is a talking pony, v'ere dah fuck are v'e?"
"I v'ish I knew comrade gunner." you mutter as you eye the periscope, seeing the pink mare clamber off, noting about getting someone named Twilight to see it.
"Ah, she's leaving!" your driver calls "perhaps v'e can escape now?"
"And go v'ere?" you mutter "V'e a big tank in v'orld of ponies, v'e can't exactly go about and find hiding spot...besides...i do not tink dis are normal, not like horses on farm."
"Den v'hat ve do comrade kaptain?"
You huffed, looking out the periscope as she trotted away.
"Ve vait, see who she brings..."
"Pinkie..." Spoke another voice as you look out the Periscope, seeing the pink mare returning with another...this time however, you could clearly make out she was a purple....unicorn "I don;t have time to see your new friends right now, I was in the middle of a very important experiment on the process of alternative dimen-"
She paused, staring almost blankly at the object before her.
"Seee, I told you it wasn't something from around here! I wonder what its called."
"Pinkie...what on....how did....where did?"
"I know, it just came out of nowhere down the road, I was on my way to go and see Applejack when this big thing was driving towards me. It has such a long nose, I don't think I ever seen a nose THAT long."
You gaze out the periscope, huffing "Great...now unicorns...v'hat is dis shit?" you mutter as the purple mare cautiously approaches.
"Is...it safe?" The unicorn asked
"Well, it didn't move when I talked to it, so I would have to say yes!" the pinke one exclaimed as Twilight slowly eased onto the hull of your tank, thumping against the metal.
You watch through your scope as she trotted over your tank.
"Well, its definitely not something...alive...but...how does it move? It doesn't feel like its made of flesh or fur..."
"It moved by these things!" Pinkie called, pointing to the treads of the tank.
"Well...then what would MAKE it move" Twilight added, noticing the periscope turning slightly as she gazed into it.
Her eyes would not meet yours as you gazed out, hopefully she would just see her reflection as she eased back, slowly bringing a scroll and quill in a purple glow of magic.
"Oooo do you see anything? I noticed it had a few of those window looking things all over it, but I didn't see anypony inside it."
"I don't think Ponies made this..." Twilight said as she looked back at the periscope.
You watched her expression of curiousty, bewilderment, confusion, and then udder deterrence as she rambled on about how this thing couldn't possibly exist.
"Fascinating..." you mutter, your foot slowly nudging the driver as he looks back at you.
"Move us forward...give dem a scare.." you whisper as your driver nods, suddenly revving the motor as the purple unicorn jumped and quickly clambered off the tank.
"Oh it moved, it moved!" the pink one exclaimed "It must be alive!"
"but how?" twilight said, slowly composing herself "I've never seen something like this before, not in any of my books!"
"Maybe its a new discovery!" Pinkie urges on as Twilights eyes lit up.
"A....new discovery...." she said slowly, a big grin on her face.
You didn't like where this would be going...
You didn't like this at all.
That grin on the unicorns face told a tale you wish to never hear as she slowly trotted over.
"New Discovery?" she said slowly "Yes...a new...discovery." She slowly put a hoof onto the hull again.
"Now...don't move...please." she said softly, getting back atop the armoured vehicle as you watch her trot over to the turret and inspect it.
With a cough, you see her horn suddenly start to glow as a quill and scroll suddenly appear out of thin air.
"The Armoured golem of Equestria." Twilight reiterated as she wrote.
"Golem?" Pinkie asked
"I read in one of my books of giant stone golems, they were often created by powerful unicorns to do their bidding, and seeing THIS isn't a normal creature, we can only guess that it too is a golem."
"Golem..." you mutter as the crew chuckles "she tinks dis is still living ting."
"Now then..." Twilight muttered as she looked back at your periscope. "I do think these 'windows' are its eyes, they do look like eyes do they not?"
"yup yup!" the pink one replied, obviously oblivious to what the purple one was saying as you look back at her.
She spent almost 20 minutes checking everything about your tank, never once even thinking something was inside it, preferably 4 humans sitting in this rather unsettling position.
"Dis is crazy...v'e can just roll over dem..." your loader muttered.
"Dey no magic...dat wouldn't be wise. Not good to piss off magic creatures." you retort as your loader mutters something in Russian before you glance back, seeing the purple mare jump off the tank.
"From what I can tell" Twilight began as she rolled up the scroll and poofed it away "It is certainly built differently than the golems I've read about, we're going to have to get this back to the Library and study it further."
"Study?" you repeat "she v'ants to STUDY us?"
Your driver looks up at you "Comrade, dat not good, dey might try to steal tank information!"
"I know.." you reply "dey may even try to take it apart, can't have dat..." you pause, looking back at the scope "get us out of here..." you add as the driver nods.
The tank revved up again, causing a bit of a jump from the purple one as you start to reverse, driving backwards.
"Hey!" She called as she started to trot after you "were do you think you're going!?"
"Keep going!" you bark as you suddenly put into a second reverse gear, picking up speed as you see the pair give chase.
"Dey are persistent..." you mutter "but dis is machine, v'e can keep going."
Twilight however had a different idea, suddenly putting her head forward, her horn began to glow a vibrant purple.
"V'hat is she doing-" you mutter just as the whole tank lurched to a stop.
Your face nearly met your console yet again as you grumble.
"V'hat happened?! Vhy aren't ve moving?" you look down with fit of rage at your driver who is just as confused.
"I am putting petal to metal comrade, ve aren't going anyvere!"
You can hear the groaning of your gears as the treads began to dig into the road, kicking up dirt and dust as you can see the unicorn's horn glowing vibrantly...and a faint purple sheen about your tank.
"Did she....stop tank v'ith magic?" you ask aloud as your driver huffed.
"It seems like it comrade, v'e cannot keep dis up, v'e have to get avay before dey take us or v'e lose engine!"
You ponder a few tense seconds as you watch the unicorn obviously having a bit of difficulty keeping your tank steady as she approached you slowly.
"You're...coming...with....me!" she said, tugging you forward ever with a sudden jolt, causing your tank to stop completely in a huff as your driver flopped onto the wheel.
"Cyjot!" you mutter as your driver doesn't move.
Your gunner leans over, pulling the driver back to expose a big red spot on his forehead.
The lurching from the stop had thrown him forward and knocked him out cold.
You growl as your tank comes to a halt, the engine hissing slightly as the overworked beast remains still as the mare continues to approach.
"Gunner..." you mutter "load up a round..."
"Comrade Kaptian!?" he said in shock "you don't mean to shoot dem!?"
You smirk "No...dat v'ould be foolish, but..." you tap your chin "I noticed she focus on magic to use spell, so, v'e simply cause her to lose it...." you point forward and raise your finger.
"Elevate barrel as high as possible, load round, and den fire v'hen I give word."
You look back at your loader, a big grin on his face as he quickly slams a round into the breach.
"Finally, ve show dem v'hat Russians do to dose who try to study us!"
"Keep calm comrade, v;e not going to cause too much of ruckus...just enough to escape...v'eady gunner?"
Twilight slowly approached further, hoof-print after hoof-print. Unknown to her, she continued to put a heavy dose of magic into the containment spell, not wanting you to escape a bit as you bend over, nudging your Driver.
"V'ake up..."
"Hruuhh, wha..." he said, rubbing his forehead "V'hat happened?"
You pat him on the shoulder "bumped head, now get v'eady, v'e going to be leaving dis place soon."
The driver blinks, looking at you with curiosity before nodding and getting into place.
"Shall I keep going den?"
"No.." you mutter "just vait..."
"Gun elevated max comrade! Ready to fire!"
"HEY!" spoke the pink one "its nose Twilight! Its nose is pointing upwards!"
"Not now Pinkie, I don't care about its nose, I care about it NOT running away."
"But Twi-"
You didn't give Pinkie a chance to finish.
"FIRE!"
You are Princess Celestia.
You're enjoying a good sip of tea for this calming afternoon, there had been no worries to your kingdom and it was a good time for a bit of relaxation after a long days work.
You're tower was set in the center of the castle grounds, giving a perfect view of the land you ruled, especially with a good view of Ponyville, your pupils home and the residence for the Elements of Harmony.
You sigh contently, quite pleased with yourself as your ears perk, a sudden BANG in the distance like the roaring of thunder caused you to stir, pausing mid-sip as you look out towards Ponyville, seeing a massive cloud of dust suddenly billow from its outskirts...
And the sudden whine of something heading right for you.
--
"I tink v'e hit a tower..." you mutter as you eye the castle in the distance, seeing a tower sudden go poomf as the shell hit it.
You didn't think you had THAT much of a range on your tank, but something certainly made it clear that physics and ballistics didn't apply here.
You huff, seeing the mares both on the ground in a heap as the shock wave would have been enough to knock them senseless as you nudge your driver.
"Go, dis is chance v'e need!"
Your driver nods, somewhat complacent on the fact they might have done damage to these creatures, but you weren't subjects of study, not for some crazy ponies as you pull into reverse, using the dust cloud as cover as you put the tank into reverse, hoping to get as much distance between you and these crazy creatures as possible.
You are Twilight Sparkle
And you can't stop the ringing in your ears.
Moments ago you were trying to stop a 'golem' from escaping, something you've never seen of this world and certainly something not natural to begin with.
However, when you tried to stop it, you certainly must have angered it as it let out a boom louder than anything you've ever heard.
Perhaps more along the lines of Rainbows SonicRainboom explosion, but a lot more hot and smelly when it went off.
As you rise to your hooves, you look about, seeing nothing but dust all around you.
"Pinkie?" you cal "PINKIE!?"
"Ah....is it time to wake up mommy, can we make cookies today?" the mare said as you see her in a heap on the floor.
"PINKIE!" you exclaim, trotting over to see if she was alright.
She looked fine, dazed, but certainly a little lost in the head from the shock. You gently tug her to the side of the road as you rest her against a tree.
"Stay here...I'm going to find that...thing...and make sure it doesn't scare anypony else!" she said
"Okay mommy, I'll go get the ingrdents..." Pinkie replied as you rushed off down the road.
Whatever this thing was, it certainly left a big trail to follow as its 'tracks' had made big imprints in the dirt road.
You are Kaptian Anon
And you're crew is certainly in a flurry of good spirits.
You continue to reverse away from the scene as your loader is jittery with delight.
"Hehe...boom boom little ponies."
"Shut it...I do not like having to do dat, v'aste of ammo." You retort.
"But comrade, v'e made sure dey didn't catch us!"
"But v'hat cost? V'e shot tower in distance, dat certainly v'ill not be plesant."
The loader huffed "V'ell, v'e have enough rounds to take dem on, dey couldn't touch us inside here."
You grumble, looking our your periscope as you see nothing but dust slowly fadding back into the winding of the road.
"Turn us about comrade driver and full throttle, v'e drive until v'e can find cover."
Your tank turns a full 180, coming about on the dirt road as you push forward, only to suddenly see another pony, this time an orange one wearing a strange hat and pulling a cart full of..apples.
"Apples?" you mutter "v'hat is dis?"
The pony is equally suprised, coming to a full stop before the behemoth.
"What in tarnation..." she said as she took a step closer.
"APPLEJACK!" came the voice of the purple mare from behind as Twilight came rushing up.
"Be careful, that golem is angry!"
"Golem....Twilight, now what ya;ll be spewing this time?"
Twlight didn;t answer, she magicked both Applejack and her cart to the side as tyou blink, taking the opportunity to move ahead without a problem as AJ just looked at her friends.
"Twi, mind explaining wht ya'll doin and what the hay is that thing?"
"Long story, but pinkiefoundthisgiantgolemoutsideoftown and when Itriedtostudyit, itgotmadandmadeabigbooman-"
"Whao sugarcube..." AJ said, her head spinning a bit as she shook herself straight "ah think ah getcha here, so ya;ll done and angered some big ol monster?"
"its not a monster...its a golem, its not alive, nor dead, but...it moves and does things."
AJ shook her head "Well, it certainly didn't seem mad ta me, it stopped right infront of me, not raging like ah bull."
Twilight sighed "I know...but...it just..."
AJ put a hoof to Twi's maw "Ah know sugh, now why don't we go n'get this thing then?" She unhiched herself from the cart, smirking as she yanked a rope from the carts side and trotted off wit Twi in tow.
"Dey following us...dat orange v'one looks...like an American..." You mutter as you turned your scope a full 180 to see behind you.
"Do you tink those Western capitalists have been here too?" your loader mutters "dat makes it v'orse for us to be here."
"I do not tink it is good to go dat deep, ve have not seen American armour or troops here, so v'e can assume not."
Your loader crossed his arms "Still don't trust dis."
"Den shut it and keep v'eady, v'e need to keep away from dem." you said as the orange mare began to whio about her rope into a lasso and tossed it atop your tank, grabbing hold along the main hatch of the tank as well as the AA gun nearby.
"Ah got it!" AJ said, starting to slow, but finding herself pulled, if not dragged, along with it.
"Ah got it...AH GOT IT!" she said, trying her best to get her footing before she too loses it and lets go of the rope.
"Ah hayseed...ah don;t got it..." she said as Twilight continued on ahead, trying to get her magic ready one last time.
"C'mon....you can't get away, not until we know what you are!" she said, suddenly magicking the tank once more as it slowed, lurching a bit to a stop before its 'head' began to turn, and its nose pointed directly at her, causing her instantly to release her magic, both out of fear, and not wanting to hear the boom again.
"Dey keep trying..." you mutter as you do not advance, turning the whole tank back to face Twilight as you depress the turret to point at her.
"Finish her comrade Kaptian, she v'ont stop unless she's dead!"
Your loader shouts as you look over at her.
Twilight stepped back, seeing the 'nose', or more for the matter, the cannon, now pointing directly at her as she gulped. "Uhm...I'm...s-sorry for b-bothering you...I j-just wanted to know w-what you are...." she said, her expression deadpan fear as she trotted back a few paces. "n-no hard f-feelings?" she said as she tripped and fell as she sat on her rump, glancing up at the guns barrel.
She closed her eyes, bracing for the boom.
Instead, the sudden wing beats of something big suddenly disrupted the tension as a massive form landed between twilight, and the 'golem' beast.
"Dare not beset your cannon upon my student!" spoke a booming, royal voice from the large, white creature as you gaze at what you can't even believe to be seeing.
"Is...dat an Alicorn?" your gunner asked as you blinked in sheer surprise.
"I do not tink dis is good..." you mutter as you slowly flick a switch beside you, activating countermeasures, prefferably, smoke grenades for cover.
"Driver...get ready to throttle tank backv'ards, v'e going to make a shady escape. Gunner, depress turret below Alicorn, we low ground up beneath her to make her lose footing, she v'on't follows us if she stumbles up...v'once v'ere clear, v'e make tracks to forest nearby and hide dere to assess, yah?"
"Yah comrade Kaptian!"
You are Kpatian Anon
And you're about to blow Celestia out of her hooflings.
"Day say you return to whence you came!" the Alicorn shouted "harming my students, above all, myself shall not go unpunished!"
Her voice boomed, you could almost feel the tank shudder in fear as you tapped your driver.
"Slowly...rev engine back...v'hen I give word..."
You flicked the switch, suddenly depressing the smoke charges to fired....
directly...
At Celestia's face.
The canisters bounced off her face harmless, exploding in big puffs of smoke as you tapped the driver.
"GO!" you shout as you feel the lurch as the behemoth of metal begins to whine, pulling backwards as your gunner depressed the barrel.
"LOAD HEAT!" you bark, your loader complying instantly as the round is ready.
"ready comrade!"
"Wait for clear shot!" you bark, eying through the scope to see a coughing Alicorn, the guns sights aiming below her.
"FIRE!"
Another deafening BOOM as the round fires into the ground, sitting there for a second before the charge detonates, exploding beneath the mare as she is sent flying.
Though you don't see this as smoke is everywhere now, and you're booking it double-time in reverse as you look out the optics, seeing the smoke billowing and then,
WHAM!
An Alicorn lands square on your tank, her body crumpling against the upper hull and turret as you jump back in your seat, her face pressed against the periscope as she looked quite...pressed for space.
You make a quick turn about, the whole tank turning a 180 to have its front forward, and with enough force to sweep the Alicorn off and have her crumple to the side.
Without a second glance, you push forward, driving on past as you turn the scope, seeing the Alicorn slowly, if not wobbly, ease upright before shaking her head, just as the smoke finally engulfed her and the rest of the area.
"Dat did it..." your gunner said, easing back in his seat "v'e better keep distance from dem, I do not tink dey are happy."
"Dey aren't at all..." you muttered "I tink she v'as in tower we shot, not good, not good at all."
"She didn't seem hurt..." your loader muttered "what is she, immortal."
"She mythical creature..." your driver said, his words soft "and she looked beautiful, like angel from heaven."
You nudge your driver with your foot "You falling for animal?"
He looks at you "What...NO!" he barked "Just...she looked pretty, noting seen dat beautiful since..."
"Since a horse parade?" your loader joked as you sighed.
"Enough...v'e make tracks for forest now..." you order as you point ahead to the woods. "turn in dere, v'e hide till nightfall, head back to dat village and see v'hats up. Maybe v'e can sneak in and steal supplies, v'e can only hope."
"Well, better to hope den not comrade, I do not tink v'e going home anytime soon.." your driver mutters as you all look down in angst. He was right...you were stuck here.
All of you were stuck here...and soon or later, those...ponies...may be the only ticket home.