Yet Another Human in Equestria Story
By: Bardic Knowledge
Chapter 5: June 30, The Lost World
I had been on a house hunt for three days, my ability to look for a whole day hampered by my sleep schedule. Thus far, I hadn't found a house that I wanted, even though there weren't many houses in Ponyville for sale. The main problem with most of them was that most of the houses were built with earth ponies in mind, so they didn't have the head room that places like Fluttershy's Cottage, built to accommodate her flight, had. So, I usually ended the house hunt of the day with a door-frame headache or low-ceiling back ache.
This day was a back ache day. As I left the house and waved good-bye to the salespony, Pennybags, Twilight came running up to me.
“Joe! I finally found that spell you wanted!” she said, book floating by her side.
“Cool. Is it difficult?”
“No, I can cast it right now, if you want.” I agreed and she started to cast the spell.
Looking back on it now, simply agreeing like that was a stupid idea. We should have read the fine print first.
My mind was assaulted by not just images, the recollection of the past, but by the full experiences. I found myself reliving every moment of my life simultaneously. The extreme range of positive and negative assaulted me and every emotion at once overwhelmed me and I fell back on basic instinct. And since I couldn't fight, I attempted flight.
As I ran, fast as I possibly could, I could hear Twilight calling my name. But I was too far gone to react properly. The path I took was blurred by the experience, certain things from the past still standing out slightly as I write this.
Meeting my best-of-best friend.
The accident that took his sister.
Meeting my other best friends.
Gramma Great's death.
Auntie Kate's death.
Having my heart played with by my third girlfriend.
Falling deeply in love with my fourth.
Proposing to Rae-chan and her acceptance.
Her breaking up with me because of my Asperger Syndrome-influenced obsession.
The times I lost my temper working at McDonald's.
As everything rushed by, I found myself stumbling through the Everfree, tripping over tree roots and barely missing the Poison Joke scattered through the underbrush.
Eventually, I came across a tree with a large cave in its roots as the harshness of the experience faded. I curled up in the cavity of the tree and cried. I don't know for how long.
I was out of tears at that point, though I was still sobbing, a million emotions still running through me. A rapping sound caught my attention and I flinched, a shadowed face popping into view.
“I say, what is that I hear? Is there a lost pony hidden in here?”
“Rhyming homophones is cheating,” I mumbled.
“And who are you to set rules for my rhyme? Now that we have met for the very first time?”
“'Time' and 'rhyme' are common. Try orange, silver, or purple.”
“I have been patient with you so far, why will you not tell me who you are?”
“If you don't mind, I'm trying to deal with a very traumatic experience. Several of them actually. So kindly leave.” Despite my gruff response, Zecora chuckled and replied.
“I may have something to help you at my home, please, follow me, and do not roam.” Her head moved out of the entrance and I stayed, still curled up as the memories began to sharpen again. Then they were almost shattered by Zecora's return. “You are quite stubborn, are you not? Until you listen, I shall stay in this spot.”
“It seems that just having someone to talk to is helping. I shouldn't've run like I did.” I rolled to my hands and knees, popping my back as I did so. “My appearance is probably going to startle you.”
“Living here, there is much that I have seen. Do not worry, I shall stay serene.” I crawled out and stood up, proving to myself that Zecora was just as tall as the other “little ponies.” “Much I have seen here in the Everfree, but your like does not exist in my memory.”
“I've been learning that humans are completely non-existent here, yeah. So, lead the way, Zecora.” She blinked and opened her mouth. “Yes, I know your name. I'm Joe McCord, I come from another reality, blah blah blah. Shadows, I'm tired of repeating myself. Maybe I should print pamphlets or something.”
Zecora shook her head and started walking, and I followed. “You spoke of experiences quite terrible. Tell me: what is so unbearable?”
“Ooh, that was a much more difficult rhyme,” I said. She looked back at me with a raised eyebrow. “Okay, okay. I asked my friend Twilight to find an eidetic memory spell so I could use perfect recall to write stories from my reality and sell them to ponies. Apparently, the spell she found didn't just give me perfect recall, but forced me to live all the memories simultaneously.”
“How do you mean 'simultaneously?' And how does it affect you so adversely?”
“Imagine every song you've ever heard playing on loop in your head at the same time. Then multiply it by feelings, smells, sights, and tactile sensations. I'd say feelings again, but that'd be confusing. Honestly, I'm surprised at how coherent I am right now. It's like the edge has been taken off, but that has me worried, too.”
“Worried? Worried in what way? Are you saying you'd rather the pain stay?”
“Not so much the pain, but... I've tried to shut off my heart. Not the physical one, but the emotional centre. The first time it was a side-effect. I've always had a terrible temper, and when I tried to reign it in, I deadened all my other emotions slightly. The second time was after the woman I loved broke up with me. Though I wasn't very successful that time, as I'd been feeling so much before then. Honestly, I still love her, and I've missed her so much these past three years.”
All the memories of my time with Racheal came into sharper focus than the others, and I fought back a sob.
“It is hard to lose one dear,” Zecora agreed, “by separation, death, or things unclear.”
“Yeah...” I took a deep breath and concentrated on 'now.' “As I was saying, what worries me is that I might be doing that again unconsciously. That I might come out of this an unemotional mass of logic. Well, okay, not THAT badly, but still.”
“But this turmoil you have so far survived,” she stopped. “Ah, it seems we have arrived.” I looked upon her tree/house. As I'd noticed before when I first looked at the Everfree, the place appeared more like a regular Earth tree, instead of the light brown of a typical Equestrian tree. Which made it all the more surreal to see windows and a door built into the trunk. We went inside and she started a cauldron to boil, as she asked me to recount my tale. She rarely interrupted, and, by the time I reached the events of that day, I had been served the most delicious tea I'd ever tasted.
“So you have seen our lives within this show. Tell me, is there anything I should know?”
“Well, the next time you try to come into town, presumably, you'll be followed partway back here by Applejack's little sister, Apple Bloom. The Mane Six will follow and wind up Poison Joke'd, regardless of your warnings, though I suggest you try anyways. Time can be rewritten. Anyhow, the next day, they'll think they've been cursed by you, and Twilight learns a lesson about assuming based on appearances. In your words: 'Maybe next time you will take a second look; and not judge the cover of the book.'”
With the next sip of tea, I realized the flood of experiences had begun to fade entirely. It wasn't me getting numb to them after so long. Instead, it seemed the spell was actually wearing off. I used the faded memories to check what time the spell had been cast, then asked Zecora for the current time.
I had been gone for almost half a day, and it was late evening now. I grabbed my ever-present Bag of Holding and pulled out a roll of parchment, my quill and ink, and Celestia's Flame.
Dear Princess Celestia,
I just wanted to let you know that I am alright, in case Twilight sent you a letter about what happened earlier today. If she hasn't, I will explain...
I then went on to explain the events of the day, including having met Zecora and a detailed description of “Bridle Gossip.” I signed the letter and sent it off. It wasn't long before I received a reply.
Dear Joe,
Thank you. I've sent a letter to Twilight that you are doing fine. She had indeed sent a letter explaining, and she was going to mount a search and rescue until I persuaded her to wait for news. Considering what Shining Armor told me of your conversation, I had confidence you would be alright.
Also, it seems that Twilight and the others are preparing a surprise for you, as well. Spend the night at Zecora's, and it should be ready by tomorrow afternoon. From what she's said, I'm sure you'll like it.
I expect your regular progress report on Friday.
Yours,
Celestia
“Well, it seems you'll have me as a guest for the night. I hope I'm not imposing.” I lay the letter on the table, to let her read it over.
“It will be good to have a guest. If you wish to stay, I will not protest.”
“Thank you. So, I've told you quite a bit about my home world, why don't you tell me about your home country?”
It turns out that her home country is actually called Zebafrica, and it's not too far to the south of Equestria proper. I never knew much about the culture of any of Africa's countries, except for Ancient Egypt and jokes about “President Madagascar,” so I had nothing to compare it to. Zecora had apparently been a shaman for her tribe, with her rhymes being used for a type of meditative purpose. Which, admittedly, was similar to several fics that I had read, but it made sense.
The cutie marks of Zebras were actually referred to by them as Marks of Destiny, and they were typically tribal iconography. Zecora's meant “foresight,” the spiral representing their view of time: rather than a straight line, or several straight lines, time was both circular and straight, which is why events seemed to repeat themselves, but were still different.
I even learned a few words of Zebafrican, at least in her tribe's dialect. Eventually, Zecora turned in for the night, and I used the still-active-but-fading memory spell to write at least one book. Now that the memories were faded and more like actual memories than a flood of sensations, I could focus on a single type with perfect recall. I'll have to let Twilight know that it just needs a lighter touch of magic than what she gave me.
I considered writing my favourite book, “Firebird” by Mercedes Lackey, but realized that a different book by the same author could be used, so I wrote “Brightly Burning.” I changed my mind because I realized that the Companions of the main characters would help transition the ponies of Equestria into human literature.
To explain, the Companions are creatures of magic shaped like horses, and when one considers the magical nature of Equestrians, a parallel could be drawn. If the spell could be perfected or hadn't completely faded by the next time I got the chance to buy more paper, I'd also write up “Firebird.” Unfortunately, writing out “Brightly Burning” used up all that I had with me at the time. I was running low on ink, too.
When I finally fell asleep, my hand was pretty cramped up and sore, but my sleep was peaceful. More than I thought it would have been with the aftereffects of the memory spell.
The next day, I asked Zecora to lead me out of the Forest, but also asked her to try and preserve the timeline at least until after the events of “Bridle Gossip.”
Just beyond the entrance of the forest stood the Mane Six and Spike. The instant I appeared, they rushed over, Pinkie, Rarity, Twilight, and Fluttershy hugging the air out of me while Dash, AJ, and Spike stood beside us, still happy to see me.
“I'm so sorry, Joe. I didn't mean to overload the spell,” Twilight said, her eyes brimming with water.
“It's alright. I was actually going to tell you that once it started fading, it worked exactly how it was supposed to. I actually got a book off while I was in there.” I shifted my bag. “You'll have to look it over to make sure it's fit for Equestrian consumption.”
“Especially now that I know a bit about human culture.” Twilight smirked as I blinked confusedly at her. She explained. “Apparently, in overloading the spell the way I did I got a bit of a backwash of your memories. Nothing concrete, except for one thing.”
“And that would be?” I was a bit worried about her having accessed my future knowledge, but all she did was shake her head.
“Close your eyes,” said Fluttershy.
“Have we got a surprise for you!” cheered Pinkie. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, Fluttershy placing her head under my hand to lead me.
I stumbled a bit as I was led, and it seemed to be pretty far. After walking for about five minutes and explaining that I had stayed safe by hiding in a tree (Dash was disappointed, expecting a grand adventure), we stopped and I was asked to open my eyes.
I was not prepared.
Built into the side of a hill, looking exactly the same, was my house. Big and brown, with the porch exactly the same, and the address number was there...
“How?”
“Well, like I said, your memories left one concrete thing. You spent so much time here that I had a clear image of this house. It was just good luck that the actual numbers landed your house on a hill just outside Ponyville. Then, we all pitched in with the construction crew to get it built. Princess Celestia said she would take care of the bill?”
“Part of our deal with my salary as royal liaison,” I started for the kitchen door. “Come on in, I'll show you around.”
“But, what about the front door?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“No one uses the front door,” Twilight and I chorused.
“Except for people who've never been to the house and trick-or-treaters,” I continued.
I walked into the kitchen, and the only things that seemed to be missing were, reasonably enough, the microwave and the refrigerator, though there was an ice box. The TV and other “high technology” items were also probably not available.
“Well, as you can probably tell, this is the kitchen. Just to the right is the pantry-slash-coat closet.” I walked through the kitchen and caught sight of something on the end of the counter. “Huh. You even put in the baby gate.”
“Is that what that is?” asked Fluttershy.
“Mmhmm. Dad built it to keep us kids out of the kitchen back when we were too young to understand that we weren't allowed in. Just on the other side of the counter, here, is the dining room. Even though we only used it for big meals like Thanksgiving, birthdays, and Christmas.”
“Thanksgiving? Christmas?” asked Pinkie.
“The first is an regional holiday based around giving thanks, hence the name, for what we have. The other is a holiday similar to your Hearth's Warming Eve. There's a story my dad told me about a battle in a war, where, on Christmas day, the two sides stopped fighting and celebrated from their trenches, singing songs together and sharing food.” My face fell. “And the next day, they went back to fighting.”
Fluttershy placed a hoof on my hand. I smiled at her.
“Anyways, off to the side of the dining room, we have our parallel hallway next to the stairs. The first door in the hall was originally my elder sister's room, and the second is the bathroom. At the far end, right next to the doorway to the living room, is what was once my room, and beside that is the door to the laundry room and the hallway to the master bedroom and my room, which used to be my eldest sister's.”
“Eldest sister?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“It just seems more respectful to him,” Rarity explained, having asked that same question herself.
“Right. Downstairs, other than the sort-of entry room, is the Game Room, which I imagine is barren of the almost one thousand board games dad owned, the workshop, which probably doesn't have dad's tools, and dad's office-slash-recording room, which probably only has his desk.”
I smiled as Twilight rubbed the back of her neck with a hoof.
“It's alright. Most of that stuff doesn't exist here. I'm not surprised to see a lack of light switches and power outlets. I'll just have to start collecting all over again.”
“It seems a bit large for just one pony,” commented Applejack. “Er, person.”
“I'm... used to a lack of people. Mom is usually in the master bedroom, working on the house finances, though she has recently gotten another job. If dad's home, he's downstairs working on homework for his clients or playing music. And I'm either sitting in the living room, reading, writing, playing games, and/or watching television, or I'm sitting in my room doing that, except for TV.”
“TV, or television, is like the movie theatre, but smaller and in the house,” explained Twilight. Pinkie relaxed from a question-posing pose.
Entering the living room, I nearly walked into a low, black table in the middle of the room.
“Oh, wow, the old coffee table! It looks just like the original!” I sat down beside it and ran my hand over the ripples in the hardwood surface.
“You might wanna move, sugarcube,” said Applejack.
I turned with a questioning, “huh?” and quickly jumped back as Pinkie fired her Party Cannon at the table, then turned and fired it at the dining room table.
“It's time for your housewarming party!” Pinkie cheered.
And everypony reached into their saddlebags that I somehow hadn't noticed until right then, and pulled out a present. Except for Fluttershy, who flew up to the ceiling and rapped on it. Out of a vent over the stairwell flew a bat.
“Mr. Bat wanted to thank you for staying up with him when you stayed over at my cottage. I hope you'll take good care of him.”
I held up my arm, and the bat landed on my coat, hanging upside down. “Of course. I even have a name for him. How do you like Bacardi?” The bat chirped and flapped his wings. To explain, there was a picture back on Ponibooru of the bat from “May the Best Pet Win” with the YouTube caption “moonshine;” so, we decided that the bat's name was Bacardi. The name didn't get very far, even though I put it on the TV Tropes page for Ensemble Darkhorse.
As I contemplated Bacardi's diet, which I knew was insects, usually moths, I blinked. “Come to think of it, though this may seem a bit random, but it's the middle of summer and I haven't seen a single mosquito.”
“Mos... quito?” asked Fluttershy. “What's that?”
I raised an eyebrow, “Mosquitoes? They're insects about yea big that drink blood?”
Fluttershy tapped her chin. “I don't think I've ever heard of such an animal.”
A smile dawned on my face and I started singing. Specifically, I started singing the Hallelujah Chorus, before breaking down into laughter that quickly gained tears. It wasn't the lack of mosquitoes. At least, it wasn't that by itself. Everything that had occurred in the past few hours had finally caught up to me.
“What's wrong?” asked Rarity, placing a hoof on my leg. Bacardi flew up to my shoulder and rubbed his head on my cheek, using his wings like feet to keep himself steady.
“Smile when you're happy. Cry when you're sad,” I smiled, the tears still streaming down my face. “Do both when you're happier than you've ever been before.” I held out my arms and everyone joined in on a group hug.
“...Twilight? Your horn is in my ear.”
“Sorry.”
The party carried on all afternoon. Applejack's gift was some food to go in the cupboards and the ice box. Rarity had more clothes for me, which was a welcome gift now that I had a place to put them. Rainbow Dash gave me a cloud-made wind chime; I couldn't touch it without it dispersing, but it made a beautiful sound when the wind blew.
Twilight and Spike both gave me books, which were instantly sorted into the library that used to be my room. Pinkie's gift was, interestingly enough, cookware, which I put in the cupboard beside the stove. I would've put it under the stove, but they had installed a wood stove, as there aren't electric stoves in Equestria.
Fortunately, I cook by smell more than by timing, though Spike's recipe book would help with cooking some things. As long as I avoided anything with gems in it.
Eventually, the party wrapped up, Pinkie reloading her decorations into the cannon. I stepped out onto the front porch and waved goodbye to the Mane Six. The sun was just setting to my right, so I glanced left to watch the moonrise. For a few minutes or so after rising, I stared at the slightly yellow tint of the moon. That's right. I thought. One of Dad's oldest songs.
“Now how did it go?” I mumbled, before I attempted sing the song by memory. The memory spell had long since faded by now, and I was barely hanging onto some of the things I hadn't remembered before it was cast. So, I started with the chorus, the main part I could remember:
o/`Yellow Moon, rising through the sky. Yellow Moon, makes me wanna cry./
Those young, forgotten memories stand naked in the light, and Michigan is on my mind tonight./
My troubled mind is weary, the night has come too soon, and leaves me here beneath the Yellow Mooooo~ooon./
The autumn breeze is blowing, evening's nearly gone. The hazy night approaching as I walk along./
Yellow Moon, rising through sky. Yellow Moon, makes me wanna cry...o/`
I closed my eyes and turned to the door, a tear or ten slipping out as I walked inside.