//------------------------------// // 13: Why being racist is a bad idea. // Story: Honor the Dead // by BinaryTroll //------------------------------// Honor the Dead by BinaryTroll Pre-read by nobody. :( Maybe I should actually bother looking for one. Nah, I'm good. Chapter 13: “Why being racist is a bad idea.” -------------- “Your going to kill a dragon with two knives?” Joel asked sceptically. My insane smile grew wider. “Yup.” “And the massive boulder?” My smile died. “Ah shit.” Joel crossed his arms. “Yeah. That’s what I thought.” “I'm going to have to wait a while for Dan to come in with a rocket launcher.” Joel blinked. “What?” “LOUD AND CLEAR!” Dan yelled out of the earpiece. “ETA ten minutes.” Joel sighed. “Shit.” 9 minutes and 59 seconds later The familiar sound of a jet engine grew louder, shaking the teeth in my head. But unlike the other times Dan dropped something off, he hovered close by. “What the hell is he doing?” I asked of no one in particular. Shyvanna just stared open-mouthed at the flying metal beast. “Oh, by the way Shyv, that thing is called a jet. It flies.” “No shit.” She said slowly, rubbing her eyes with a hoof. “What kind of magic can keep something like that in the air?” “The magic of...” I paused for effect. “SCIENCE!” “Riiight.” The experimental VTOL jet came to a halt, its engines lowering and allowing it to hover. The cockpit opened slowly and a small, man shaped figure jumped out. “Sup Joel?” Dan asked, effortlessly carrying a RPG. “Nea.” Joel replied, uncrossing his arms and striding over to Dan. “Any reason why you landed?” “Didn't want to lose expensive equipment. These mountains aren't exactly flat.” He said, brandishing the RPG. “Speaking of which...” He tossed the rocket propelled grenade in my general direction, as though it was as light as a feather. I barely caught it. “Fuck dude, just hand it to me next time.” I complained, hoisting the launcher onto my shoulder. “These things are heavy.” “Stop being a baby, you're fine.” Dan said, rolling his eyes. The moment he said that, I felt my shoulder dislocate and collapse under the weight. “Ow.” I whimpered. “You just had to fucking jinx it.” The RPG landed with a soft thump. I reached around to my shoulder and probed the joint a bit. “Ow. Ow. Ow. FUCK!” The joint popped back in with a loud crack. “Thanks dickhead.” “You're welcome.” Dan turned back to Joel. He was wearing a Hawaiian shirt, goggles, and faded jeans. His hair was a garish combination of green and pink and stuck out like a mad scientist's. Bloody hell, that looked horrible. As Dan and Joel caught up a bit, I made my way over to the rock Shyvanna was sitting on. She looked bewildered. Can't blame her really. It's the same kind of thing that happens when anyone meets Dan. Or any of us three really. “You okay?” I asked, sitting down beside her. No answer. “Shyv?” I tapped her on the shoulder. Shyv flinched like I'd shocked her. “Please don't touch my shoulder.” “Umm, why?” She shivered. “I don't know. I just... I just don't like it.” “Okaaay.” I stood up. “We gonna go kill that dick or what?” “Huh?” I sighed. “The dragon. You know, the one who called you a filthy half-breed?” Shyvanna got to her feet and looked towards Dan and Joel. “Isn't killing him a bit extreme? It's a valid argument.” I cracked my knuckles and scooped up the RPG. “Probably, but I was bullied all my life for things I could control, I'm not going to let people get bullied for things they can't. Either way, I'm going to teach him a lesson he won't forget.” “Hey Wards!” Joel called. “Yeah?” “You ready to kill a dragon?” “FUCK YEAH!” I squeezed the trigger. Flames shot out behind me as the rocket launched, leaving a trail of smoke in the air. The boulder exploded into hundreds of pieces, all flying out from the point of impact. I slung the launcher over my back and pulled out Celestia. “LETS FUCK THIS GUY UP!” I yelled, sprinting into the cave. The dragon lifted his head up. “Oh, what is it-” my foot crashed into his left eye. “OWWW!” Mr dragon was about the size of a large crocodile, with features to match. He was a boring red color and had large green eyes. Which were currently closed. Because I kicked him. In the face. Twice. “ALRIGHT THEN FAGGOT!” I stomped an iron heel on his snout. “LISTEN UP!” I slammed Celestia into the ground next to his right eye. “THIS HERE IS MY GOOD FRIEND CELESTIA, THE CHEMICALLY SHARPENED TITANIUM ALLOY VERSION! Now, Celestia doesn't like rude and judgmental people, like you. So I would suggest not moving. Me? I'm the guy who's here to teach you an important life lesson. Being a judgmental twat is bad. Many other races exist on this planet, and they deserve to be treated with as much respect as you treat your own. A person cannot chose their parents, and you should not tease them or judge them because of it. Because if you do, it may turn out that they or their friends are much more powerful than you, and you might get hurt or killed because of it.” I cracked my knuckles. “And wouldn't that be a shame?” I lifted my foot up.“So, WHAT THE HELL HAVE WE LEARNED?” I yelled into the shivering dragon's face. “That bei-” “START WITH 'DEAR PRINCESS CELESTIA! SHE'S THE ONE YOUR TRYING TO STOP FROM KILLING YOU!” I pulled the massive white bowie out of the ground and waved it in front of his eye. The dragon flinched and started again. “Dear princess Celestia, today I learned that being a judgmental twat is bad. Many other races exist on this planet, and they deserve to be treated with as much respect as my own. A person cannot chose their parents, and I should not tease them or judge them because of it. Because if I do, it may turn out that they or their friends are much more powerful than me, and I may get hurt or killed because of it.” I smiled and sheathed the knife. “Good. Now, my friends and I are going to be living here for the next few days. We'll take good care of the place, and it will be in as good,” I looked distastefully around at the random bits of junk scattered about. “If not better condition than when you left. Think of it as a camping trip.” I smiled maliciously. “And don't try to take it back, or it might just become permanently mine.” “Yes sir.” The dragon squeaked. I stepped off the dragon's snout. “I'm not a sir, I'm a maniac.” The dragon stayed in the same position, unmoving. “Well, what are you waiting for?” I pointed at the cave door. “GTFO!” The dragon scurried off out the door in a way reminiscent of a rat. A laughing Joel walked into the cave, with Dan following and a bewildered Shyvanna bringing up the rear. He looked around the half destroyed cave. “Well, I guess you taught him an important life lesson.” I grinned. “Quite.” Dan lifted up the RPG that I had tossed to one side. He ran a hand over a small dent in the tube and quietly sighed. “What else have you two broken?” Joel smiled sheepishly. “Pretty much everything.” Dan slung the launcher over his back. “We don't have infinite funds you know...” “Speaking of which, how much money have we got left?” I asked, kicking back on the moth-eaten and slightly singed sofa. “Only sixty or seventy million.” I snorted. “Only? It's not like we run an army.” Dan smirked. “Maybe, but you two destroy more gear in a month than most armies destroy in a year.” “Oh shut up.” Dan stretched. “Well, I'll be off then. Got things to do.” “What things?” I asked curiously. Dan isn't know for doing things. “Oh you know, governing time and space, manipulating the time stream, fixing paradoxes and all that boring guff.” I looked at him cynically. “Bitch please.” He just smiled and left. Shyvanna slapped herself with a hoof. “What just happened?” Joel yawned and sat down beside me. “Well, Wards just got us a place to crash.” Shyv blinked. “But- but that was a dragon.” “Your point?” “You made a dragon, one of the stubbornest races in Equestria, admit that he was a twat. How?” I laughed. “Violence solves everything.” Shyvanna sat down heavily to my right. “But-” “Violence solves everything:” “But-” “Everything!” “Alright, fine. But shouldn't we clean this place up or something?” she asked, nudging a dirty piece of metal with her hoof. I yawned and lay back. “Tomorrow. I'm tired.” Shyvanna tried to say something but I was already asleep. The morning after (HUEHUEHUEHUEHUE) Something was burning. Things should not be burning. Hmmm. Run system check. What the hell do you think you are, a computer? Shut up, I'm tired. Well no shit, you just woke up. Go away. How am I supposed to? I'm your brain. I know. What do you think I'm going to do? Just hop out of your head? Shut up, I'm too tired to think about this right now. I need caffeine. I sniffed. Yes, something was on fire. I eased open my eyes. Yes, I can see the flames. My brain slowly comprehended that. OH SHIT! I can see the flames! My eyes shot open. My crotch was on fire. You know, that should probably hurt more. Oh right. In my mind I jumped off the couch and executed a perfect roll, putting out the fire. In reality I awkwardly fell and rolled around a bit. Either way, the fire was out. Now, time to find the source. I smiled inwardly. It's a good thing my clothing is fireproof. Shyvanna was quietly snoring on the sofa, expelling a small orange gout of flame with each breath. Note to self: never sleep next to a half dragon who snores. I felt a smile creeping onto my face. There was something so cute about the sleeping pony. If I wasn't careful I'd catch diabetes. Even though that's scientifically impossible. But whatever. This world is scientifically impossible. I shifted my gaze towards Joel, who was undignifidely sprawled across the rest of the couch. My smile became more evil. I might be able to have some fun with this. I sorted through the random bits of metal that littered the floor of the dragon's cave until I found one that vaguely resembled a bucket. I picked it up and quietly stepped outside. It was early morning, the sun hadn't even risen yet. A cool breeze blew, making my coat swirl around my ankles. It helped clear my head and I took a deep breath. “Jesus, this feels great.” I rubbed my eyes and looked around for a source of water. A small stream splashed down the edge of the mountain, a hundred or so meters away. A little path led up to it. It seemed so tranquil. Too damn tranquil. Needs more explosions. Shut up brain. The gravel of the path crunched under my boots as I made my way to the little river. A small fish leaped out of the water before diving back in. Ugh, fish. I scooped up a bucketful of water and grinned. Joel won't know what hit him. As I walked back to the cave I drunk in the sights. Equestria is seriously beautiful. Plains stretched to the horizon on my right, the mountains continued to my left and the Everfree brought up the center. The sun was creeping up onto the horizon, painting the sky an amazing mix of purple and orange. I reached the cave and continued to stare at the slow rising sun. “Beautiful isn't it?” “Yeah.” Shyvanna walked up to my side and sat down. We were silent for a few more minutes before Shyvanna asked “What's the bucket for?” My evil grin returned. “You'll see.” Shyvanna started to grin too. “I think I know what you have in mind. And allow me to help.” I handed the bucket to her. “What are you going to do?” “Something I've been wanting to do for ages.” She inhaled deeply. “FO, KRAH DIIN” The water formed and icy sheet which Shyv broke with a hoof. I laughed. “This is so stupid. I feel like a kid.” “So?” “Well, come on then, lets give Joel the waking of a lifetime.” Shyv giggled. I lifted the cold bucket and crept back into the cave. “Wakey, wakey.” I threw the contents of the bucket onto Joel's face. His eyes shot open and he gasped. Still semi blind, he drew one of the Glocks and fired a few rounds randomly. Fortunately they didn't hit me. Unfortunately, they were aimed at Shyv.