The Stallion in the Library

by leonidas701

On Screwing and Sleepovers (Finale)

        Twilight was sitting down on her little piece of roof, her head tilted up ever so slightly, gazing up at the stars. Her brows were furrowed, her horn giving off it’s distinct purple glow, and her mouth was moving, soundlessly listing off the names of all the stars and constellations. She gave off an air of one trying desperately to distract themselves. Fortunately, that distraction soon presented itself in the form of one very bored stallion.

        “Room for one more?” Card asked Twilight from the window.

        “Oh! Oh, yeah, uhh, sure,” said Twilight, flustered from being drawn so roughly from her thoughts, as she slid over a little to make room. “I was just stargazing.”

        Card came out over the windowsill, lying down on his back next to Twilight. “Couldn’t sleep?”

        “No,” Twilight responded, hoping he wouldn’t push the issue.

        Luckily he didn’t, choosing instead to make an indistinct noise of understanding. “Me neither,” he then said, accompanied by a pair of glares that I think were supposed to be at me and Aoc, but to anyone watching he seemed to be exceptionally angry at the sky and the ground.

        Following this the two gazed up at the sky in silence for a few minutes, until Card broke the silence.

        “It all seems so big from down here, doesn’t it?” Card said wearily

        “Yeah.” Twilight said with a sigh. “I missed this.”

        “Missed what?”

        “This.” Twilight waved her hoof between herself and Card. “Us just being together, relaxing, talking, just the two of us.”

        “Really? But we still do all that.”

        “Yes, we do but... with Trixie around it feels different,” Twilight admitted.

        “What do you mean?” Card asked, “I thought you liked Trixie. At least it certainly seems that way with how much you two talk together.”

        “I do like Trixie, she’s fun, she’s smart, and she does things with magic I could never think of!” Twilight said with a smile.

        “Then what’s the problem?”

        “It’s just...” Twilight said as she took on a downcast look, “You and her spend so much time together, and even when it’s all three of us together it’s her arguing back with you, her making fun of those books with you, her laughing at your dirty jokes while I just sit there blushing like a little filly.” A few tears started collecting around her eyes, “You and her go back and forth, only sometimes remembering that I’m there and... and...” At this point the tears started rolling down her cheeks. “I don’t want it to happen again,” she blubbered out.
 
        Card reached into his jacket and pulled out a few tissues, wiping off her face saying, “I can’t understand you with your voice shaking like that, calm down.” He pulled her into a gentle hug until she stopped crying, and then he said, “Now what do you not want to happen again?”

        “I don’t want you to forget about me.” Twilight said, pulling herself together. “Like my brother did.”

        “I won’t for-” Card stopped mid-comfort, shocked. “Wait, you have a brother? Nevermind, not important.” He shook his head out and let Twilight go. “What happened?”

        Twilight got a far-off look in her eye and, leaning against Card for comfort, started telling her story.

        “When I was little, me and my older brother did everything together. We would go together to see movies when they came out, and he would always let me pick which ones to watch. He would help me out with my homework, even if it meant he wouldn’t have enough time to do his own. He would play house with me, and even let me play with his dolls, although for some reason he got mad when I called them dolls.

        Then, when he started middle school he couldn’t watch me after school anymore, because now his school day went longer than mine. My parents were busy during the day, so they got me a foalsitter.

        And she was nice too! She would give me cookies and play little games with me as she walked me home from school, she even taught me a secret little dance because we were such good friends. It was a good time, she would take me home, or to the park, or to some other fun place and got me home before my brother and parents did. Then at home, I had Shiny to play with. I thought it was perfect, until my brother asked me to let him meet this foalsitter I was talking so much about.

        The second they met, something came over them. My foalsitter started staying a little longer, waiting to speak to my brother. My brother would spend most of our time alone asking me about Caddy. Eventually, Caddy started coming over on the weekend and all three of us would be together. As time went on however, my time being with both of them at once started to become time they spent together using me as an excuse. Soon they started going on dates together, and I was out of the picture entirely. Caddy would still come pick me up on her own, but she started to take me straight back to house more often and would just wait around for my brother to come home so they could head straight out. I lost both of my best friends at once, and they didn’t even seem to notice when I just gave up altogether and started my study of magic, trying to fill up the hole I felt with knowledge.” Twilight lifted her head and looked Card straight in the eyes, Purple meeting blue, as she continued. “And now, with you and Trixie already spending so much time together without me, and spending your time with me still focused on each other... Well…,” she broke off, only for Card to pick up the slack.

        “You’re wondering how long until your magical discussions with Trixie turn into you reading while she waits for me to finish up?” Card said in an understanding tone. Twilight just gave a single sad nod.

        “Well don’t worry!” Card brightly exclaimed. “Trixie isn’t my type, and I have very good reason to believe that I’m not hers. Besides, most of the time we’re in the office either we’re both busy, or she’s talking about her last discussion with you.” Having reassured Twilight to a degree he thought satisfactory, Card lay back down on the roof and started muttering to himself. “7,”

        “What was that?” Twilight asked.

        “Don’t worry about it.” Card said. “6,”

        Twilight cast her mind through the night, remembering how it was. “This was such a good sleepover.”

        “5,”

        “We were able to do all things in the book,”

        “4,”

        “Everypony had fun,”

        “3,”

        “It was all just perfect.”

        “2,”

        Twilight let out a contented sigh, saying “Nothing could ruin this night.”

        “1,”

        Twilight laid down next to Card...

        “0.”

        *Crash* and a few second later, *Boom*

        Only to immediately spring back up again at hearing the loud noises. “What was that!?” She yelled.

        “That, Twinkly,” Card said as he calmly lifted himself off the roof, “was the crushing sound of irony. And also a tree crashing into your living room.”

        “What!” Twilight jumped back into the house and ran down the stairs, Card slowly following behind. When they got to the living room, there was a rather large tree sticking out of the side wall. The other three mares quickly came down stairs as well, Applejack sporting some rather noticeable tear streaks that she was quickly wiping off.

        “What happened?” Twilight asked.

        “Tree happened,” Rarity dryly stated, before turning to face Applejack. “I was trying to tell you: you’ll pull the tree inside if you do that.”

        “How?” Card asked, standing atop his waterbed that was roughly one foot to the right of fallen tree.

        “I- I don’t know.” A nervous Twilight responded, “The magical lightning rod was supposed to attract all the lightning within a 300 mile radius. Did I do the spell wrong?”

        “Even if you didn’t, the weather ponies are all supposed to avoid aiming lightning at houses,” Card said. “What the hell happened?”

        “Okay, who’s been misfiring all those lightning bolts?! Is Derpy up here?”

        “Well, either way we need to fix it.” Trixie said.

        “Yeah, you and Rarity get on that,” Card said. “In the meantime me, Twinkly, and Jackie are going to go see why that rod didn’t work. Twinkly where did you set it up again?”

        “It’s just above the top of the tree,” Twilight responded.

        “Great, let’s go.”

        “Now just y’all wait ah minute,” Applejack said. “Why do you need me there? Ah should be cleaning up mah own mess.”

        “Because I have a feeling we’ll need you, now come on.” Card grabbed Applejack’s stetson off her head and ran up to the roof, Applejack following close behind with Twilight only slightly farther away. When they reached it, Card threw the stetson back to Applejack and looked up at the large purple magical lightning rod Twilight had cast.

        “Now why’d ya do that for?” An angry Applejack asked as she fixed her hat back onto her head.

        “Fastest way to get you up here, now then let’s have a look,” Card said, gazing at the rod and immediately noting the obvious problem. “Twinkly?”

        “Yes?” Twinkly responded, still looking for a magical problem with her spell.

        “Why isn’t this grounded?”

        “What does that mean?”

        “Nevermind, it all makes sense now.”

        “What, what’s wrong with it?” a slightly distraught Twilight asked.

        Card turned around to face Twilight, saying, “That rod isn’t grounded, meaning the charge has nowhere to go, meaning it now holds the energy of who knows how many lightning bolts.”

        Twilight was completely lost. “Huh?”

        “It’s full. Dangerously full,” Card tried to simplify.

        “Oh.” Realization dawned on Twilight, “Well then I could just dispell it,” she said as she prepared to do just that, only to have her horn smacked by Card.

        “If you do that, then all the charge will go straight into your body,” Card warned. “And kill you.”

        “Oh.” Twilight quickly ceased the casting of her spell. “Well then what do we do?”

        “We disperse the charge.”

        “And how do we do that?”

        “I have no idea,” Card admitted. “But I know who does.” He started rooting around inside his jacket, finally pulling out a large ornate mirror. He stood the mirror up in front of him and then said, “Polar Neutron.”

        Twilight just looked at him with an odd expression on her face. “What are you doing?”

        “Making a- Oh there you are! Hi Tron!” Card said as the mirror darkened and then cleared up, revealing a dark blue pegasus stallion with black hair that stuck out all over the place, and a pair of glasses on his face to go with the very pissed expression he also wore.

        “What the fuck do want?” Tron snapped. “It better be important, I have to give a lecture in...” Tron looked to his right before bringing his attention back to Card, “Four hours.”

        “Oh yeah, It’s like 3 o’clock where you are right now,” Card said as realization dawned on his face.

        “What time is it for you?” Tron asked.

        “Oh, about 3 o’clock.”

        Tron just let out a sigh and facehoofed, then saying, “I hate you. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you so much.”

        “Ahh, that’s just the sleepiness talking.” Card said with a wide grin.

        “Where are you anyway?” Tron started looking around, trying to see behind Card.

        “Oh, uhhh, he’s at my sleepover.” Twilight said with an uncharacteristic blush in an oddly soft tone.

        “Sleepover...” Tron took a moment to compute what she said, before his eyes went wide. “Please tell me you didn’t play a drinking game with him!”

        “N- no. no I didn’t.”

        “Good.” Tron let out a sigh. “Never drink with him!” Tron pointed a hoof at the still-smirking Card. “He. Does. Not. Get. Drunk. Ever. And he will keep you drinking until you’re funny enough to amuse him.” Tron shot another glare at Card, who just shrugged it off.

        “Oh come on, I’m not that bad.” Card said in his defense.

        “Oh really?” Tron got an incredulous look on his face. “You remember my last birthday party?”

        “I’m surprised you do.”

        “I DON’T!” Tron yelled.

        “Okay, that is not all my fault, you’re the one who tried to drink 24 brain hemorrhages in a row.”

        “Oh you are so full of-” Tron stopped mid-sentence, as he caught a flash of orange and blond. After spending a few moments working his jaw, he eventually settled on just pointing at Applejack and saying, “Is that Bones’ demon filly?”

        “Yeah actually. Turns out her name’s Jackie.” Card said as he turned around and brought Applejack in front of the mirror.

        “Huh. Well... she grew up.” Tron looked like a kid who had just seen his teacher outside of school as he looked Applejack up and down. He looked at Card and said, “We are keeping her away from Odd.”

        “Wait jus’ a min’,” Applejack said. “Y’all know Brick too? Well how is he? Does he still remember me?” Applejack excitedly asked, completely ignored by Tron who muttered under his breath, “And the voice, dear giants.” Then quickly saying. “Oh, we are keeping her far away from Odd.”

        “Be a little hard, considering.” Card said as he gestured towards his neck.

        “Oh? Oh. Interesting…,” Tron trailed off, before he snapped himself back to focus. “What did you call me up for?”

        “Oh yeah,” Card said, remembering why he brought out the two-way. “I need to know how to safely discharge a magical lightning rod that isn’t grounded.”

        “...Okay, first off: Who’s dumb enough to set up a magical lightning rod without grounding it?” Tron asked.

        “I did...” Twilight said sadly.

        “Secondly,” Tron went on, giving no acknowledgement that he heard Twilight speak. “You’re going to need a very long insulated wire, along with something to attach it to the ground with, and sand paper.”

        “Okay, got’em.” Card said, having pulled out a long coil from his jacket, along with a stake with a loop at the non-pointy end, followed by very coarse sandpaper

        “Perfect. Now, you’re gonna want to drive the stake into the ground, then peel off about a foot a insulation from each end of the coil with the sandpaper. After that you’ll need to tie one of the ends off around the stake, then find someway to touch the lightning rod with the other end without actually touching the rod yourself.” Tron finished, “Think you can do that?”

        “Yeah, yeah I think I can.” Card said as he gave a few slow nods, already beginning to strip off the wire’s insulation.

        “Then fuck off and let me get back to sleep.” Tron let out a yawn. “Transmission over.”

        The mirror blinked, and then went back to doing it’s normal job of being a reflective surface as Card put it flat on the floor and swept his jacket over it, making it disappear.

        “Now then, Jackie.” He pointed at the orange mare, “You are going to lasso that rod with this wire when I yell up here, think you could do that?”

        “Now you hold up, how do y’all know-”

        “Good. Twilight, the second all the charge has left the rod, you’ll have to dispell it.” Card finished striping both ends of the wire and started to head down after tossing one end to the ground below, saying, “Everybody got it? Good.”

        “...Wha jus’ happened?”

        “And that’s the pesky tree gone!” Trixie said triumphantly.

        “Thank you for your help darling.” Rarity said, “I couldn’t have done it alone.”

        “No problem. Now help me mop up all this water before Card-”

        “Before I...?” Card said as he descended the staircase, “What.” He looked down at the puddle of water that was on the floor, in roughly the same place and of similar volume as his waterbed, which was currently on the floor. And the bookshelves. And the fireplace.

        “Well Card-”

        “You see, darling-”

        Card held up a hoof, cutting them both off. He then let out a sigh. “I don’t have the time to deal with this right now, just clean it all up.” He then left the library entirely, going outside and picking up the wire he dropped. As he took out the stake and started to drive it into ground, he noticed the picnic table that had so vexed him before. Taking a good long look at it, and the stake in his hoof, he got a brilliant idea.

        Applejack was getting impatient. “Hey Card!” she hollered over the edge. “Y’all ready yet!?”

        “Oh! Hee-hee-hee, Yes, yes, YES!” came the reply. “Ready when you are!”

        Applejack, not at all perturbed by this slightly psychotic reply, sent up her makeshift lasso of wire and wrapped it around the magical lightning rod. Almost immediately the purple glow around the rod went out, although that may have just been in contrast to the sudden huge orange glow that was now right behind Applejack.

        “BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!” Card screamed out laughing. “FOOLISH TABLE!!!! That is your punishment for resisting! What do you say to that!” he said.

        As if in response, the mysterious and now ablaze picnic table let out a spark that landed square in between Card’s eyes. He responded with the expected subtlety.

        “OWWWWWWWW!!!” he screamed as he rolled on the ground. Eventually the spark went out, and he looked over at what had become just a small indistinguishable figure in a mid-size fire.”Victory is mine!”  He then looked around him and noticed the four mares standing around him, laughing. He joined in with a few chuckles before saying, “Does anyone still have those marshmallows?”

        “Is it bigger then a barn?” Applejack asked

        “Nope!” Twilight said with a giggle.

        “Is it smaller then a saddle?” Rarity asked. Why do these ponies have saddles if there are no humans here? Anyways.

        “No!” Twilight said as she rotated her marshmallow stick, “Only three of your twenty questions left.” Wait, they’re playing twenty questions and just nowgot to asking about the size? They are the worst players ever!

        “Is it alive?” Trixie asked.

        “Yep! Only two left!”

        “Is it... a six-legged pony with a purple polka-dotted mane and shootin' stars comin' out of his eyes?” Applejack asked.

        “Who flies through the air all over the world to hide magic, sparkly eggs?” Rarity chimed in.

        “Yep!” Twilight said.

        “Really?!” an incredulous Trixie asked.

        “Noa” Twilight said as she took her perfectly golden-brown marshmallow out of the flames. “Oy on reft,” she tried to say around a mouth full of marshmallow.

        “Well, ah’m stumped.”

        “As am I.”

        “Same here.”

        The three mares turned their heads to Card, who was busy with the difficult task of balancing fifteen marshmallow sticks in his mouth. “Huh?” he said as he noticed the attention he was now getting.

        “Well?” Rarity asked.

        “Well what?” Card replied.

        “What do you think it is?” Trixie said.

        “Oh is that all?” Card turned his attention to his marshmallows that were close to being that perfect shade of charred black. “It’s Spike.”

        “What! No way.” Applejack scoffed.

        “You’re right!” Twilight said. “For real!”

        “Ok, how did you figure that out?” Trixie said with a sidelong glance.

        “I didn’t, I just said the first thing that popped into my head that was bigger then a saddle, but smaller than a barn.” Card pulled his marshmallows out of the fire, noticing something interesting as he lifted his head up. “Hey Jackie.”

        “Yeah?”

        “Doesn’t farmwork usually start with the sunrise?” Card asked as he pointed to the rising sun.

        “Ah, horseapples!” Applejack swore as she rushed off to her farm. “See y’all later!” she called out over her shoulder.

        “Well, I had better start getting ready at the boutique. So long.” Rarity left.

        “Yeah, and I’ve got to go feed Ike,” Card said as he gulped down his marshmallows. “See you both later.” Card left.

        Trixie left as well, after making her goodbyes to Twilight to get ready for her work day.

        Twilight put out what was left of the bonfire and went inside to write her letter to Celestia. After she was done, she heard a knock at the door.

        “Hey, Twi, I’m back!” She heard Spike say as he walked in the door. “Do you know what happened to the picnic table I ordered?” Spike asked.

        With a laugh, Twilight began recounting the events of the night to her little dragon.