//------------------------------// // Crisitunity // Story: A Study In Nonsense // by Professor Piggy //------------------------------// “One year ago, on this day, I saved Equestria. Heck, probably not even just Equestria. Probably like, the whole world. Yeah, definitely the whole world. A lot’ve ponies’ll tell you that I didn’t do it alone, and I guess I can see where they’re coming from. I mean, it was Twilight who found out Nightmare Moon was comin’, and I guess Pinkie’s song helped the others from crying like babies – I mean, I wasn’t scared or nothin’ but they were terrified. And ‘Shy stopped a manticore, which was totally awesome. I mean, I could’ve done it myself any day, but having to protect Rarity was kinda slowing me down. So, y’know. That helped. Oh, and AJ got credit for me n’ Shy saving Twilight. I mean yeah, catching her was great but it was kind’ve us who stopped her, y’know, plummeting to her death? Not that anyone thanked us or anything. I guess they were too busy praising Applejack or something? Whatever. Oh, and Rarity was there too. She didn’t really do anything. But she was good moral support. Me? I fought a Manticore. By myself. Rarity totally didn’t help at all. And then this group of totally awesome stunt ponies called the Shadowbolts were all like ‘Sweet Celestia, it’s Rainbow Dash! She’s so awesome and sexy and wicked sweet! Miss Dash, please won’t you betray your friends and join us?’ and I was all ‘Nah, I don’t need adoring fans. I’m as humble as they come. Besides, there’s no way I could betray Rarity. Have you seen her new winter line? She needs my help to redesign it!” Rarity didn’t even have to turn around to know full well that Rainbow Dash wasn’t even looking at Sweetie Belle, any more, though she imagined the treacherous little snake was still gazing up at the pegasus with some kind of awe, believing every filthy lie she told. The image of Dash’s smug grin was almost enough to make her snap. Almost enough to make her shout and scream and chase Rainbow Dash from her boutique. But she had sworn that she wouldn’t speak to her again until Dash made up for laying waste to her latest design. It had taken her weeks to perfect it. And then the clumsy brute had torn it apart the space of moments. Sure, Rarity had been wearing it at the time, and she did seem to recall requesting that Rainbow Dash do exactly that, but she was a mare of her word! Besides, if Rainbow Dash could enjoy being petty then so could she! “Really doesn’t look like she’s gonna say anything, huh?” “I’m afraid it really doesn’t.” “Perfect. Hey, did Rarity ever tell you about the time she ruined the Best Young Flier’s contest?” “No? I… don’t think so?” “Well, I think it’s about time you heard about it. But you gotta promise you’ll listen close, ‘cause this one’s important. It’s about the most amazing, beautiful, talented pony in the world. And I’m in there somewhere too. But mostly? Mostly, it’s about the day I fell head over hooves. Literally, a couple of times.” Rarity felt her heart skip a beat, and a light blush coloured her cheeks. Dash had never said quite what she felt for Rarity before, and to hear it expressed – even in such a tactless, clumsy manner – bought a smile to her face. “Head over hooves?” Sweetie asked, sounding puzzled. “Yep,” Dash nodded sagely – she couldn’t see it but she knew, “Means falling in love.” Before Rarity could notice the slight shaking in the Pegasus’ voice, or register the gasp of excitement from Sweetie Belle, Rainbow Dash was gone – the boutique doors flew open with a loud bang, and all Rarity saw as she spun to face them was Rainbow, blushing bright crimson and moving faster than Rarity had ever seen.