Look, I Just Want an Explanation
“Mr. Norris, you have them all confused,” Mayor Mare spoke out. The human blinked twice, turning to look down at the bespectacled mare. Eyebrows raised, he turned to look back at the so called ‘Elements of Harmony.’
“Aw come on, he doesn’t even know my name!” Rainbow Dash said, hovering up a bit over her friends.
“Rest assured, I'm no party animal. My name is Twilight Sparkle,” The purple unicorn introduced herself.
“And ya got not one, but two ponies confused with mah name,” Applejack frowned. “I’m the ‘liberal’ and hard working Applejack.” Norris immediately took a few steps back from her.
“Fluttershy is still passed out,” Pinkie Pie called out. “Oh, I’m not Rarity! I’m Pinkie Pie!”
“You don’t say,” Norris replied, eyebrows raised. Still, it was easy to see why her parents named her that. Still liked her more than the others though.
“And my name is Rarity.” The alabaster unicorn smiled a bit, trying to retain what little dignity she had left. To have Pinkie Pie with her name? The worst mistake ever!
“Forgive me, I know some of the info. I’m also terrible with names,” Chuck replied. He turned to look at the passed out Fluttershy. “Why is she still out?”
“Mr. Norris, may I recommend we go back inside City Hall? We can talk there like civilized creatures,” Mayor Mare interjected with her suggestion. “Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash can start by putting your things back in place.” She turned to look back at the culprits. Each of them had the decency to blush and look away.
“I guess you’re right...” Chuck replied. He moved over to pick up Fluttershy. She was stiff like a board, still out. He waved her up and down a bit. “If calling her a fuck toy did this, I’m not sure what other things mentioned about her will do.”
“Don’t get us started,” Rarity said, shaking her head to the sides.
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Once inside City Hall, they all gathered in the pavillion since it had room for them all. They of course waited for Fluttershy to wake up, and for Twilight and Rainbow to put things back in place. Now, it was time for the actual interview. Since all of her friends were here, they decided to split up and ask their own questions. It would really help out cut the fat and get it out of the way.
“Alright, Mr. Norris. Thank you for accepting our apologies,” Twilight said, smiling at him. Chuck Norris was standing up in the middle of the podium, looking down at them. He simply leaned forward, resting his arms on the device, looking bored.
“Let’s git ‘er done.”
“Very well?” Twilight raised her eyebrows, but then shrugged. “First, we know you have no powers or things you consider weapons. But do you know combat?”
“Well, I’ve been in a few brawls, especially in my younger hay days. I can use my fists and feet well enough, kinda self-taught. Mostly modeled after karate, Tang Soo-Do, Tae Kwon Do, Jiu Jitsu called ‘Chun Kuk Do. But as I got older, people learned not to mess with me,” Chuck shrugged his shoulders. “You already know I retaliate though.”
“Right,” Rainbow rolled her eyes. She still couldn’t believe she had allowed herself to get grabbed like a little filly. “Any family or kids? Most humans that show up have abusive or dead parents.”
“My parents? Family? If it’s alright with you, I’d rather not talk about them until we are on more familiar terms.” He stopped there for a second, lifting his left hand to point at the cyan pegasus. “Rainbow Dash, right? I can tell you it’s not a perfect family, but nothing as drastic as making me to want to run away or call abusive.” Rainbow nodded, satisfied with the answer.
“You’re here for work, right? Mind telling us about your past work?” Applejack picked up her head next.
“Oh, well I’ve done a bunch of things...” Chuck moved a hand to his chin, stroking his beard. “Shoot, where did I start. Acting, fitness and combat instructor, political activist, honorary Marine and Texas Ranger, though I did serve in the air force. Uh... spokesperson, journalist, author-”
“Let me stop you there and move on,” Rarity spoke out. That was indeed a long list. How old was he anyway? And those certainly did not sound like dead end jobs. “You’ve made yourself clear that you’re not seeking a romantic interest in ponies. Is this because you’re a bigot? Or consider us animals and it’s a fetish?”
“Oh, nothing like that,” Chuck replied, immediately leaning his head back from Rarity. Still, it was an honest question. One didn’t move to Equestria and not get along with ponies in some manner. “Lady Rarity, I’m simply not interested in relationships now. Also, I’m a religious man. Let’s say, I know nothing about your own faith and religion. My friend wasn’t too informative on that subject, so I will just have to wait and see first how even relationships work in this place.” Rarity nodded, one of the more sensible reasons she’s heard. Too many times there was culture clash.
Especially in Rainbow’s case.
“Mr. Norris?” Fluttershy picked up her head. “Can you tell us about your-”
“Let me stop you there Wondershy,” Chuck moved his left hand out to her. “A little louder?”
“Oh, sorry, it’s Fluttershy. Can you tell us-”
“One more time Buttershy.” Chuck leaned forward a bit more.
“Fluttershy, Mr Norris,” She said, moving closer to him. “Can you tell us-”
“Animals are divided by habitats, all divided by region and climate. Many scientists believe that all of the landmass of my planet was connected at one point. As ages passed by, the landmass begun to divide and spread. Changes of climate such as drastic ice ages, volcanoes, and other anomalies spread animals into further sub species to adapt to the changes.” Chuck stopped there, moving his hands to hold the side of the podium. “Most humans do not study or help animals, thus they move south on the winter on their own and take care of themselves. Several species of animals have also evolved from their past states, dividing them into further species. According to evolution theories, birds were thought to have evolved from reptiles. Because of this, each specie and genus of animal types are studied by individual branches of sciences and zoologists in order to study them better.”
Fluttershy had her mouth open, looking up at him in shock. The other mares also stared at him in shock.
“What?” Chuck asked.
“That’s the first time a human’s actually given us a clear answer that explains a lot about why animals act different in your planet,” Twilight Sparkle explained. “There was these zoologists, but you explained it simply so we could all understand.”
“It’s kinda like common knowledge in most schools,” Chuck frowned. “What do they teach in our schools? Not to bully others? Thanks Obama.” Once more, the human turned his head to the side and spit. “Next.”
“Let me ask Mr. Norris,” Mayor Mare stepped up next. Anything to get Chuck Norris from getting in a worse mood. “What kind of jobs would you like to have?”
“Hm... I suppose something nice. Police officer may be good. That or something that let’s me have a desk made from Mahogany.”
“Well, you do sound qualified for something in law-”
“Mahogany...” Chuck repeated, smiling.
“I see. Any amnesia? Or things that would cause you to have problems working? Like let’s say- Old Enemies?” Time Turner took a turn. Surely this human has made enemies with his colorful background.
“Enemies? I made this one guy, but he died... As of now though, not any I consider an enemy.” Chuck replied. “Think his name was Bruce.”
“Not even rivals or someone that would chase you here?” Turner followed up.
“I don’t have people I consider rival. No man can be my equal.” Chuck said with a shrug.
“I guess I’m next! Do you like parties?!” Pinkie Pie jumped up from her spot to grin.
“I once threw a party, but it didn’t land until three days later...” Chuck replied. Pinkie Pie closed her eyes a little, looking left and right at that answer.
“Well, I suppose you are safe enough to stay in Equestria,” Twilight raised an eyebrow, wondering what to do with this info.
“Gee, thanks,” Chuck replied, eyes narrowed a bit at the unicorn. “Mind if I ask a question now? Why are the Elements of Harmony important?”
“The Elements of Harmony?!” Rarity raised up her head. “Didn’t your friend tell you why?”
“He did say why, but I always wondered...” Chuck moved away from the podium to hunch down and look at them. “Have you gotten medals? Schools named after you? A book or movie?”
“There was that time Ah got a trophy...” Applejack replied. “But not ‘cause Ah was an element, just ‘cause Ah was a rodeo queen.”
“I’ve been in magazines and so has Fluttershy,” Rarity said. “But because I’m a fashionista and Fluttershy was a model.”
“We’ve received some recognition,” Twilight stood up for the others. “Why ask us this though?”
“Well,” Chuck Norris moved to sit down at the edge of the stage now. “If you guys are so important and all that...” The human moved to rest his hands on his knees. “Why are you all here? Why not get financial recognition? Why not move to places where your talents are more needed? Why not further your studies? I mean- what’s keeping Fluttermine from getting a formal degree to be a veterinarian?” Chuck turned to look at Pinkie Pie. “Why are you guys wasting your time with me instead of being more important roles to your country or land?”
Rainbow Dash bit her lower lip, moving her left hoof to the back of her mane. She made it to the Wonderbolts, but didn’t make the cut. Fluttershy raised her eyebrows, wondering why she couldn’t become a veterinarian. Rarity released a sigh, remembering when she tried to make herself a socialite in Canterlot. Twilight released a sigh, knowing one day her studies would end and she would move out of Ponyville. Applejack said nothing, as she had set her career for life. One look at her friends though, and she could tell they all wanted more out of their lives.
“I’m not trying to bum you all out. I’m just wondering why we’re all doing this for little ‘ole me,” Chuck said, crossing his arms on his chest. Time Turner and Mayor Mare looked at each other, wondering the same. Was being an Element of Harmony worth anything?
“Well, uh...” Twilight lowered her head, turning her head to look back at her friends. “We’ll have to get back to you on that.”
“You do that. Are we done?” Chuck asked, moving to hop off the stage.
“I suppose so...” Mayor Mare said, releasing a sigh. Chuck Norris had asked a very deep and possibly life changing question. “You can go and set camp in ‘Whitetail. We can see about finding you a job tomorrow...” She spoke.
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Time Turner lead Chuck Norris towards the woods, the others not much in the mood to party or find out about the new human in Equestria. They stayed quiet, until they reached the border. They managed to reach the area before late afternoon.
“Here you go Chuck. Anything I can do for you before I go?” Time Turner asked.
“Can you get me provocative pictures of Princess Luna?”
“Oh, tons,” Turner rolled his eyes. “So much for not having a crush on a pony huh?”
“Crush? Silly pony. I want to make her the next Mrs. Chuck Norris.”