“I-..”
I watched as Luna lost her voice, her eyes meeting mine before quickly drifting away. Her head turned; the equine features on her face hidden suddenly as her ethereal mane drifted down to protect them. It was during this moment that I was able to glimpse her form more purely. The primary moon’s light was just right, revealing the features that were most subtle and hidden. Her pegasus wings, for example; I could glimpse the gentle spasms as she struggled to keep them retracted to her side. I could see the way the moonlight played across her dark sapphire coat; almost like a second skin. I saw how her ethereal tail curled around her haunches, partially covering her half-crescent mark on her flank.
“I don’t understand,” Luna managed to finish.
Her voice was another unique aspect of her that I enjoyed. At times it was full of authority, demanding respect and obedience and commanding the very forces of nature. There was few times in my experience alongside the Princess that I had not been without this authoritative voice; my experiences and my missions being critical and thus deserving of it. Even so, in equal amounts was her reserved tone, so used when polite discourse was in commencement. This, too, was I often granted with when we had a chance to converse. Though now, as her expression remained hidden by her mane, was her voice of the most soft and rare of qualities. I had no doubt her conflicted emotions played a critical part in this.
“Luna,” I began carefully, “do you remember when I was given the chance to go home?”
I witnessed her mane part briefly. It was enough time for me to see her eye blink. She raised her head afterward, turning one careful eye upward towards me. “I do,” she replied. Again, her voice but a whisper of its more assertive, more dominant self. My heart was breaking, knowing that somewhere inside she must be berating herself presently. I maintained my smile in hope it offered comfort.
“It was you that gave me that chance,” I continued. “Through your actions and a one in a billion chance, they were able to come here. You played your part, you did everything you knew you could to make sure they would find me. It’s not your fault they couldn’t.”
“I know but st-still..” Her voice was breaking, her head lowering. I could see the twinkle of a tear. “I-I should’ve-”
I could stand by no more. I knelt quickly, taking her into my arms. I felt her begin to heave as my arm reached around her neck and withers. The cold tickle of her mane caressed my head as I laid it against hers. The sobs came next; I knew instinctively that it came from the shame of her failure. I wondered briefly if I could tell her the fault was not hers. That it had been mine all along and I just never had the courage to tell her. The thought to come forward and desire to do so were soon lost through her sobs and tears; I holding her close as the years of pent up emotions were released.
I began to cry as well.
I remember her telling me in great detail how she had done her best to signal them. Her excited face and how she jumped up and down with glee demonstrating her happiness with the event. With her magical abilities, she had explained, she had amplified the signal of a beacon I had in my possession upon arrival into this world. It was one of the few modern amenities of nostalgic quality that helped me remember where I was from, constantly assuring me the existence of my species elsewhere in the universe. To say I was pleased with her success was an understatement.
Unknown to us at the time, the signal had managed to cross countless light years with the help of the magical boost given to it. It took several months afterward for us to see any result to the Princess’ attempt. Not until on a particular night where the moons had not blinded out the stars did we both manage to see conclusion to her effort. It was she who noted it first: an unknown star had appeared in the sky; a turn of events with which she would be perfectly attuned to be privy to. For the benefit of my curiosity she had undertaken a clandestine investigation of the craft. Upon her description of the vessel, I concluded that there was no doubt it was the response we had been hoping for.
It was not in the priorities of the Lunar Princess to make contact with my people; not just yet. She would leave this to me with great hopes it would lead to my return to my civilization. With great care she had placed the beacon with its amplified signal still emitting in a location that was easily reachable. I would stand strategically beside it, my eyes watching as the drop shuttle descended through the atmosphere to land. I observed for several minutes, an eagerness my body as endless emotions struggled to remain in proper composure.
I was pleased to observe that it had landed not too far from the beacons location. I was secretly afraid that the easy access to the interest of their arrival would place caution upon them greatly. The relief that my species natural curiosity overtook the need for caution was palpable. I observed from my position as the newly emerged four-man party began their slow trek towards me. At first I remained hidden behind some rock formations; the beacons location within a clearing situation just fore of a light forest. I remember noticing how they seemed to take their time; how each movement was calculated, as if they were more interested in their new surroundings than the rescue of one of their own.
I decided then to allow myself a better position to be seen as I came out from my hiding place. I began to noticed how on several occasions, wherein I was within plain sight before them, how they never looked my way nor paid me the slightest ounce of attention. I decided a different course of action was in order. I ran towards them, screaming at the top of my lungs. Arms waving, feet rushing across the surface of the ground, voice yelling demanding the attention of my similar counterparts. When they finally turned my way it was not in the manner I expected, my legs halting my run just yards from where they stood. Their faces hidden behind helmets and visors; I only guessing to where their attention was drawn as they slowly progressed further, as if fearful of what was before them despite the protection of their environmental suits.
After a time, our tears found a respite.
Luna and I sat beside each other presently. Our bodies leaning against the others as our eyes were concentrated skyward, we both admiring the night. The silence that lingered harbored nor fostered negativity of any sort. For myself, I had a feeling of a new beginning and understanding between my counterpart to my side. With the unrehearsed release of emotions I had come to truly understand just how much my prior discovery of my curse had hurt her. She had been just as horrified, if not more, as I had been.
To linger in eternity as a ghost; to live as a phantom. I had no experience with such methods of existence nor had I any prior desire to undertake a lesson of such. A simple roll of the dice, a play of change, was all it took for me to enter such forbidden and forsaken territory. This could not be the fault of the Princess alone. Rather it could only be a shared, if equal burden experienced between the cause and the effect. In my time alone I had undertaken my own form of quests. I had come to understand the reason behind my otherworldly affliction.
“You just wanted to protect them,” I started suddenly. I felt her head move slightly against its perch to the side of my arm, not speaking, only listening. I continued. “Talisman came with a safeguard. I understand it now. The reason, I mean.”
“A reasoning that lacked any rational sense,” Luna said softly.
I brought a hand up to stroke across her muzzle. “It’s not your fault,” I reassured.
She tensed briefly, thereafter beginning to relax. Her snout then pressing into my comforting hand. She briefly nodded in acceptance, but by the shivers I felt just through the touch I knew she didn’t believe her nonverbal answer. I couldn’t blame her; proper words to justify my position did not exist. All there existed was a deeply rooting feeling that the responsibility for all that had transpired was not to be placed on her. Such notions, however chivalrous, did not ease my worry. Instead it heightened it, almost to a desperate pace. My mind raced to back up my position with logic and certainty.
My mind failed.
I looked down at Luna as she lay her head against my side. Her chest rose and sank slowly. Instead of her eyes gazing upward, they were closed. I realized then that she was asleep. The manner in which her head was position her muzzle lay across my chest, the support of her head against my side. My left arm rose above her head, just above her regal horn, to work its way across and down her neck. If I sat in silence long enough I could feel her heart beating and, to my surprise, sense the calm from her. I maintained my other hands stroking of her muzzle for a few moments longer before lowering it.
She had fallen asleep. I was loath to disturb her, my mind in turn concentrating elsewhere. For a time I gazed up at the heavens lost in the imaginings of my mind. I wondered briefly how my people fared. I wondered if the war had truly changed things for the better. I wondered if anyone remembered me. Images from my past flashed before my minds eye. I saw my wife, my daughter and my newborn son. My eyes were cast themselves lower, gazing at the ground as I entered a state of silent remembrance. Their deaths had influenced me so greatly as to enter the service of my empire at the beginning of the war.
Ten years of the planet hopping and hell met me. It was a grueling test of resolve, determination and will. The propaganda proclaimed it was all for the betterment of emperor and empire. Some believed it; living by it as a code as they stormed the enemy strongholds and captured back territory. Others, like myself, dismissed it for what it was and simply lived for the chance of vengeance. Timothy had been one too, his history nearly identical to mine. We served through five invasions and seventeen separate missions that solidified our friendship into stone. We lived as brothers, as family.
I was far from the thought of rejecting the idea of the adventure when Timothy first proposed it. We had found the talisman in the ruins of some castle on Old Terra. By protocol such discoveries should have been surrendered to the emperors archives; naturally we kept it for ourselves. One of the aspects of warfare is finding something, anything to hope for after everything is over. The talisman provided that, its mysteries beckoning us and tempting us. When the war ended and we were both given a temporary leave of duty, we immediately set out to accomplish our dream that we had nurtured for so long.
The end of said journey was the betrayal and my death. It wanted to know it as a gruesome reminder of greeds influence. I wanted to believe that this was the lone reason why Timothy, a man that I loved like a brother I never had, had killed me over a simple argument over which directed we should head next. I wanted to believe also that a simple, ancient device such as the talisman could not have influenced Timothy’s decision to end my life. I wanted to believe that I could defy gravity by simply jumping up and never coming down. In the end, however, we are always forced to face the basic laws of the universe.
Timothy was not a person of greed. He was a loyal and stalwart comrade in his devotion to our brotherhood. The adventure we undertook and the hardship we endured was nothing compared to what we experienced during the war. The only conclusion, however unfathomable and illogical, was that the talisman alone influenced the events that transpired. The talismans origin was admitted to have come from the Princess; an admission spoken by her specifically to me. It was therefore prevalent to conclude that the blame for all that had transpired was to be placed upon the Princess of the Night.
There was, however, one key issue with this conclusion. Luna, in all her understanding of the ways of magic, had never intended for the talisman to end up on Old Terra. It was never even intended to leave the presence and soil of her own world. It was with this admission from her that the blame I held upon her shoulders was then placed upon mine. A mistake, a fluke. Was I to blame her for these things? I could, and I could have even brought up the fact that without irrefutable proof of said mistake I could not blame her. Instead I had used the years under her service to find the answer. It was the talismans appearance near her that prompted her to come to this world. Surely this world held the answer to why.
When I found what I had searched for, I wished I had never pushed Luna away.
When they phased through me, my world shattered. I remember watching the holo-vids as a child. Stories of ghosts and ghostly aftermaths, all with the same premise of never being able to be seen by the ones you love. One in particular had shown how a husband had begged the attention from his wife, only to have her turn and walk through her like he was never there. Such an emotional experience could not truly be understood by those still living. I remember coming to the shortsighted conclusion that I must be dead.
My shock turned to dismay as I watched them return from whence they had come. I cried, truly cried, when the shuttle lifted off. All of my hopes of returning to the normalcy of my human existence vanished as quickly as their ship did into slipspace. The dismay turned into ruin, which then progressed towards anger.
“You did this to me!” I remember saying to Luna. “You cursed me to the existence of a shadow, a ghost!”
Whatever words she spoke were shattered when I hit her. I had never hit a woman in my life, much less a female of any species. It went against everything I had been taught and stood for. It was this unforgivable action that had woken me from my angered state. I had hit her just across the side of her jowl, causing her head to go sideways as the eye upon the offended side fluttered closed. I remember how quickly she went from saddened to hurt, how she seethed through clenched teeth words that broke my very soul. The final, unforgettable words spoken before she would disappear in a flash of light.
“You hurt me.”
The memory of my offense unto Luna passed. I realized then how much I regretted my loss of control. She had never truly deserved what I had done. Luna had not been evil nor unkind to my plight, always seeming to take into consideration my needs and wants. The quests she had given me were an example of this. At the end I would always gain something that would benefit me or help me continue on. I was surprised then that through this visit she had never once brought up my offense. My eyes drifted towards her, she still sleeping soundly against me. I wondered briefly if she believed she deserved it. It hurt me to think that she would.
As the night waned further I returned my attention skyward. My mind drifted, I remaining sitting up as I enjoyed the company of the sleeping Princess. It was the best act of forgiveness I had ever been blessed with.