Chapter 1
Find a Detective

"Most ponies think a Private Eye needs strength and smarts, but all a Private Eye really needs is determination and a quick wit."
-Mint Bullet: Private Eye, Singers and Sinners

It was just another day for the Cutie Mark Crusaders: Class had finished and the three fillies were in the tree house, trying to think of a talent they hadn’t yet tried.

“Astrophysicists!” Sweetie Belle exclaimed, causing her friends to stare at her blankly.

They’d been throwing ideas like these around for what felt like hours (but had really been no more than fifteen minutes), and were just about to give up for the day, when Sweetie Belle thought of a talent she did know the meaning of:

Again, her two friends stared at her blankly. This time it was Scootaloo who asked.

“A book writing Cutie Mark could be good...” Applebloom mused “It could be a book, or a pen, or a quill and some paper!”

“No way,” Said Scootaloo “Cool ponies don’t read books! Rainbow Dash said so!”

It was ten minutes later, and the Crusaders had gone to get as many books as they could find, and in the case of Applebloom, Granny Smith’s old typewriter. The three fillies were now back at the tree house and were looking through the
books they’d found, searching for inspiration.

“This one’s good.” Said Scootaloo, holding up a book she’d been perusing at school on book day (not that she’d let anypony know, since at the time she thought reading was for eggheads) “It’s about Sky Pirates searching for lost sky treasure!”

“No, we should write like one of these two!” Said Applebloom, showing two books she’d gotten from Applejack and Big Macintosh: A horror story, and a romance novel respectively.

“We can’t write a love story!” Said Scootaloo “Last time we tried anything love-y dove-y we ended up having to do all of Big Mac’s chores!”

“No!” Said Scootaloo, perhaps a little too quickly “We, uh... Don’t know enough about scary things.”

But before the argument could get off the ground, Sweetie Belle interrupted, with an excited glimmer in her eyes.

“I know what we could write that’s got search for lost treasure, and love, and scary things that aren’t too scary!”

The two little ponies stared expectantly at her, as she pulled a book out of her saddlebag.

The book she now proffered toward her friends showed a mint green stallion and a pale yellow mare standing in an alley, looking grim. The stallion wore a dark green suit and brown fedora, while the mare wore a long red dress. They were enveloped in shadows.

“Yeah,” Said Sweetie Belle, excitedly “Rarity’s got all the Mint Bullet books! She says she likes them because everypony’s either wearing a stylish suit or a dazzling dress.”

It’s a time of gangsters and corruption, when mares were called dames and stallions were called palookas. A singer has been arrested for a crime she didn’t commit, and it’s up to Mint Bullet, Private Eye, to crack the case and prove her innocence. With mounting danger and the attention of the most powerful Mob Boss in Manehattan, will Mint be able to make the case? Or will the singer be just another victim of a terrible conspiracy?

“And I know all about Detective Stories.”Sweetie Belle said proudly “So we’ll be able to write the best one ever!”

“Well, Rarity says I’m too young to read them, but I have read all the blurbs!”

“Well now we just need a main character!” Applebloom said “Making somepony up has gotta be easy! We meet real ponies all the time!”

But ten minutes later they had only been able to come up with ‘Question Moustache: Private Eye’, whose defining characteristic was that he had a moustache. They stared glumly at the only sentence they’d managed to write:

“Maybe if we just called him Question ‘Stache...?” Sweetie Belle suggested, before being interrupted by Applebloom:

“No way! Let’s just face it: We don’t know how to make up a main character.”

“Maybe...”Scootaloo said, a sly grin appearing on her face “We don’t have to.”

Applebloom and Sweetie Belle knew the answer Scootaloo wanted, and so started listing everypony else they could think of:

Applebloom and Sweetie Belle burst out laughing at the annoyed expression on Scootaloo’s face.

“We knew you meant Rainbow Dash,” Said Applebloom, between giggles “but what’s she got to do with our main character?”

“That’s just it,” Said Scootaloo, grinning as she always did when talking about her heroine “We could write a story about Rainbow Dash being a Private Detective in Gangster Times! A story like that is guaranteed to be awesome!”

“Sure!” Said Scootaloo, glad to change the subject, but a glance at Applebloom’s smirk caused her to add: “And Applejack could be in the story too!”

“Okay...” Said Applebloom, not quite removing the smirk from her face “How are we gonna start the story?”

“I think I have an idea.” Sweetie Bell said, as she reached towards the type writer.

Chapter 1

I’ve been a Private Detective for more years than I care to mention, and before that a regular Detective with the Manehattan Police Department, and with all those years of experience, you can bet that I’ll recognize danger. And the unicorn that sauntered into my office that autumn night had danger written all over her.

She had well coiffed purple hair, and was wearing an expensive looking red dress.

I was asking an honest question. It wouldn’t be the first time those palookas down the hall swapped my sign around for somepony else’s. But she took my question as a rhetorical one and sat in the chair in front of my desk.

She bit her lip, and I realized that for all her poise and aloof nature, on the inside she thought that of all the possible things that could happen, this robbery was the worst possible one.

She swallowed hard, and finally said three words that would change my life forever:

That made me sit up straight, I’ll tell you that. After all, what pony hadn’t heard of the fabled Maltese Phoenix? Some called it the stuff that dreams were made of. A small statuette given to Celestia herself hundreds of years ago, it had since been passed from museum to private collection to obscurity and back again. Its price was unimaginable, and that was the first thing that I noticed: It would be too valuable to sell, so who would steal it?

“Rarity.” She took a deep breath and explained her situation “I’m a clothes designer. I make the most dazzling dresses and stylish suits in all of Manehattan, and I do not exaggerate when I make that claim. The crème de la crème of Equestria will wait for months for my designs. Do you have anything to drink?”

I reached for some glasses and poured out two servings from my trusty hip flask.

“Good,” I said, drinking from my glass “This ain’t exactly the highest quality stuff.”

The ever so refined unicorn downed her drink in one, and I poured her another generous dose. After a few sips of her second glass she looked ready to continue her story.

“One week ago, I received a visit from Fancy Pants. We’ve known each other for a long time, and it was he who helped me break into the world of high fashion.”

I raised my eyebrow at this, you can be sure, but Rarity was quick to dissuade the idea I’d formed.

“There was nothing like that! He simply saw great potential in me! Besides, he’s with Fleur De Lis, the model.”

There was something in her tone that made me believe her, even though it went against everything I knew about high society. I lowered my eyebrow and let Rarity continue:

“And it’s about Fleur that he came to me. He wanted to commission a dress for her; inspired by a statue he had recently had the fortune of obtaining.”

“Does Fancy Pants know the statue’s been stolen?” I asked, guessing the answer.

“He was the first pony I told.” Rarity replied, proving my guess wrong “I long ago learned that when dealing with Fancy Pants, honesty is the best policy.”

I immediately assumed Fancy Pants was behind the whole thing, in some sort of ridiculously complicated plot to... do something, perhaps an insurance fraud of some kind. Okay, so it probably wasn’t him, but his helpful attitude wasn’t helping him.

“And how did you end up here?” I asked, trying to remember anything at all about insurance frauds.

“That was also Fancy Pants.” The unicorn said “He told me a friend of his had once needed some compromising pictures recovered and you had handled the case with delicacy and professionalism.”

I stopped raking my brain for obscure insurance laws and considered this new piece of information: If ponies of their standing were passing my name around as a reliable private eye, I was definitely becoming popular. The kind of pony everypony with a problem should know. Perhaps I’d be able to start buying some decent cider, for starters.

But if Rarity had been told I would be discreet, the question was, why did she need discretion? Surely the Police could handle the matter. I asked her as much, and once again she bit her lip.

“I’m not sure you’ll believe me. You see, Detective, the Chief of Police and I had a... disagreement, and since then he has taken every opportunity to inconvenience me. If he found out about this, he would no doubt blame me and use the full extent of his power to have me locked away.”

“I’ll believe that.” I said “I wouldn’t put anything past that corrupt plot-hole.”

Used to be, back in the days when old Pinkerton was Chief of Police, any officer on the beat could say they were there to ‘protect and serve’ without a hint of irony. Any trace of corruption within the force would be hunted down with more ruthlessness than a Diamond Dog hunting for gems. But then Pinkerton retired, and his replacement changed things. It’s the reason I quit, the reason I lost my partner, the reason I lost my friend and the reason I could no longer get some decent cider.

“When and where did the crime take place?” I asked, abandoning my musings and getting back to business.

“Not normally, but for such an important project, I decided the security afforded by my boutique was not enough. A rather cruel case of irony, I feel.”

I briefly considered asking her to explain the security at her home, before deciding it would be best to see for myself. I told Rarity as much, and after grabbing my coat and fedora we caught a cab headed for uptown Manehattan.

Darn. I hate it when that happens. I get so caught up trying to get the facts I forget the landlord won’t accept good intentions as payment. And by the time I remember that, I’m already too involved to turn the client down if they can’t pay.

I gave Rarity a quick glance to size her up. She could easily afford to pay for the fees of every client I couldn’t bring myself to turn away, and then some. And that was if it wasn’t Fancy Pants footing the bill, in which case he could afford to pay the fees of all my clients. I turned to tell her the biggest number I thought I could get away with, but unfortunately my good nature got in the way.

“Let’s... I’ll see if I can even solve this case before we talk about payment.”

“Well I pride myself in my generosity, Detective. Even if you just provide a consultation and sympathetic ear, I’ll repay kindly.”

Five minutes later we were rounding the corner of Argent Street, and I saw a sight that chilled my blood, and if it chilled my blood, Rarity’s must have dropped to sub-zero temperatures. Police Colts had corded off the house, and I could see the Chief of Police himself supervising the scene.

Before I could tell the cabbie to take us in the opposite direction as fast as he could, the corrupt unicorn saw us, and we were pulled out of the cab by his thugs calling themselves Officers of the Law.

“Well, well, well.” He said “It appears the culprit has returned to the scene of the crime.” He caught sight of me “And with an accomplice in tow? It’s a shame to have to arrest a former officer, Miss Dash, but you threw in your lot with the likes of her a long time ago.”

Police Chief Blueblood snorted, angrily, and it was then that I had my blood chilled a second time within a minute by the sight of my former partner and friend stepping out of the house.

“Ah, Detective,” Said Blueblood, turning towards the new arrival with an evil grin “You found evidence of Miss Rarity at the scene of the crime?”

“Excellent.” Blueblood smirked at us “In that case, arrest these two ponies for the theft of a priceless artifact.”

For the second time in under a minute I was interrupted by somepony saying what I was about to.

“Now wait a minute, Chief, I found evidence indicating Rarity was at the crime scene. There ain’t nuthin’ to indicate Rainbow Dash was involved.”

Blueblood looked like a spoiled colt denied a treat, which in a way, I suppose he was.

“You won’t get very far in the Police Force with an attitude like that, Detective Applejack.” He turned his glare on me “You’re free to go for now, but one hoof out of line and I will have you locked up until Celestia steps down.”

And then she was gone, dragged away by those corrupt thugs. I stood there, contemplating the unfairness of it all, how Blueblood could be so blatantly corrupt and get away with it. But perhaps that was it. Perhaps all ponies were really just out for themselves, and Blueblood enabled their uncaring attitudes that had previously been kept in check.

“How can you work for that corrupt snob!?” I demanded “I thought you were honest!”

“Not that I have to justify myself to you, but I figure I can protect more innocent ponies from Blueblood from within the Police Force.”

Applejack had the decency to look momentarily ashamed before her temper flared up.

“Yes it is, Applejack, because in the end it all comes down to Good Guys versus Bad Guys, and everypony has to choose a side. I chose mine a long time ago, and I guess you did too.”

I flew off before she could have me kicked out of the crime scene, or worse, come up with a good retort.

“Girls? Are you in there?” It was Twilight Sparkle, calling from below the tree house.

The three fillies stuck their heads out the door, and were shocked to discover it was nearly night time.

“I came to visit Applejack and she asked if I could come get you since it’s nearly dinner time.”

The Cutie Mark Crusaders suddenly realized how hungry they were, and ran down to Twilight.

“We were just writing a Detective Story, and I guess we didn’t notice what time it was.” Sweetie Belle explained, as they trotted away.

“Really? A Detective Story?” Asked Twilight, her interest piqued “How’s it going?”

“Great!” Scootaloo said, excitedly showing Twilight their day’s work “Look at all we’ve written!”

“Wow!” Twilight was obviously impressed by the surprisingly large stack of paper “Would you mind if I read it?”

“Sure,” Said Sweetie Belle, much more excitedly “you could be our proof reader! Nopony knows more about books than you!”

“Well thank you, Sweetie Belle.” Twilight said as she put the manuscript in her saddlebag “I’ll tell you all what I think of it tomorrow.”

And as they went to sleep that night, they felt a strange mixture of nervousness and excitement, eager to know what other ponies would think of their work.

Rainbow Dash: Private Detective by the Cutie Mark Crusaders

by Shakibone

Find a Detective