//------------------------------// // Chapter 2 // Story: Con Dolore // by Dark of the Moon //------------------------------// "Octavia... Octavia... Wake up!" A sharp intake of breath was the only sign that Octavia had heard the nurse trying to wake her. When she opened her eyes she found she was staring in to the baby blues of Pink Plasters. "Gah!" Octavia gave a decidedly unladylike squawk at the close proximity and flinched away. Behind Plasters she could see the rest of her group lounging on the big couch, waiting for the group therapist to show up. Plasters gave her a look of sympathy and motioned towards the assembled ponies. "Come on, it's time for group." Octavia gave a polite nod in an effort to save face and Plasters walked away. Reaching up with a hoof to brush the sleep out of her eyes, Octavia was horrified to find that her hoof came away damp. It was that stupid nightmare's fault, she had it every time she went to sleep, and every time she woke up crying. She grabbed a tissue from the large box that sat on the bookshelf next to her and dried her eyes and nose before anyone else could see. That was the good thing about mental hospitals, tissues were never in short supply. She climbed down from the chair on stiff legs and went to join the others on the couch. She took her usual seat on the edge section, next to a mare named Typewrite, where she could twist her neck around to see the windows. From there she could see the garden, and beyond that, the parking lot. It was interesting to watch the ponies come and go. Obviously the ponies who were escorted in by some hospital's guards were patients being transferred, most likely involuntarily. But was the pony who walked in on their own a new voluntary patient, or were they visiting somepony? Was the pony walking out leaving from a visit or a newly discharged patient? There weren't very many ponies in Healing Hooves, but you didn't really interact with anyone outside your group so it was hard to know everypony's face. Octavia liked to note any new faces that walked in and see if she could see them in the cafeteria later. There wasn't really much to do around the hospital except sit around and talk about your feelings, so any distraction was a welcome one. The group therapist finally came in to start Group and Octavia suppressed a groan. She hated group therapy from the moment she was pushed in the front doors by the guards from Canterlot Hospital. She flat-out refused to talk about her feelings to the five random crazy ponies she had gotten stuck with. The group therapist, a mare named Blue Hearts, wasn't any better, with her stupid face making that stupid sympathetic look. Octavia found it infuriating. But today was different, Blue Hearts wasn't alone. Another pony stood next to her, a unicorn who was staring at the carpet between her hooves. Her mane was a spiky mess of dark and light blue, and her coat was perfectly white. Her cutie mark was two eight-notes, but they were facing the wrong way. “Ok fillies and gentlecolts, we've got a new pony joining us today. I'd like you all to welcome Miss Vinyl Scratch.” Blue Hearts gestured to the mare beside her and a weak 'Hello' rippled through the group. Octavia stayed silent, having lost interest in the conversation as an entire family of pegasi arrived in the parking lot. One of them, the one in the middle, was crying. Maybe a new patient? Probably visiting. “Ok my little ponies, why don't we all start today's session by introducing ourselves to Vinyl and telling her why we're here.” Blue Hearts rested a hoof on Vinyl's shoulder, causing Vinyl to jerk violently and snap her head up. Octavia, who had returned her attention when Blue Hearts started talking, noticed that the mare's eyes were a dark magenta. “Don't touch me.” Vinyl almost hissed, taking a step away from Blue Hearts. The nurse assigned to Vinyl while she was a level 0, a stallion whose name Octavia didn't know, started to step forward, but Blue Hearts held up a hoof to him. “Alright, Vinyl, I'm sorry.” Blue Hearts said in the most soothing tone possible. “It won't happen again.” Vinyl, suddenly seeming uncomfortable, shuffled her hooves, which were covered from hoof to knee by a pair of black hoofwarmers. “'S all good.” “Well, let's start introducing ourselves then. Let's start over here,” - she pointed to the left edge of the couch- “and go this way” - she swept her hoof over to the right edge of the couch, where Octavia was- “alright?” Everypony gave some sort of affirmation, except Octavia, who remained silent as usual. She had already heard this song and dance on Monday, and she wasn't really interested in hearing it again. “I guess I'll start then,” the pegasus on the left edge said. Her coat was light blue and her eyes were a darker navy color. Her main and tail were were bright green and she kept both short. Her cutie mark was two clouds covering a sun. “My name is Cloud Hopper, and I'm in here because I hear voices.” She seemed completely unashamed by the admission. Cloud Hopper had been in here the longest of everypony, so she had done this song and dance many times before. She was a level 4 and expected to be discharged any day now. “Oh, it's, uh, my turn now, um,” the next pony on the crazy couch was a light gray unicorn with pale pink hair and eyes. Her cutie mark was a paintbrush and palette. “My name is, um, Rosy Palette, and um, I'm here because I have social anxiety and, uh, regular anxiety and OCD,” Rosy's voice got softer and softer as she went on and everypony had to strain to hear the last bit. Rosy was a level 3, she just gotten promoted a couple days ago. “My name is Comet Tail, I'm here because I'm a sociopath,” Comet Tail was an earth pony and the only stallion in the group. His coat was yellow, his eyes were blue, and his cutie mark was a star with a tail coming out of it. He had been demoted from level 3 to level 0 after he had talked his roommate, who had been admitted after a suicide attempt, into trying to hang himself with the bed sheets. All because Comet Tail found him to be particularly annoying. Comet had been transferred to Octavia's group immediately afterward. The nurse assigned to him was a big, burly stallion that looked like he hated the world. “I'm Arithmetic, I'm in for bipolar disorder,” Arithmetic was a unicorn with a grass green coat and pale green hair. Her eyes were purple and her cutie mark was a complicated math equation. She was a level 3, close to becoming a level four. “Typewrite is my name, I'm in here for my eating disorder, anorexia to be exact,” Typewrite was an extremely thin unicorn, with a pale sickly yellow coat and bright blue eyes. Her mane and tail were a light orange. Her cutie mark was a typewriter. She was a level 2, about halfway to a level 3. Everypony turned to look at Octavia, who stared back impassively. Nopony had ever heard Octavia speak during group therapy. “My name is Octavia,” her voice was quiet and cold, as usual. “Would you mind telling everypony why you're here, Octavia?” Blue Hearts asked hopefully, trying to pry a response from the usually silent earth pony. “Why yes, I would mind. That is my business.” She huffed indignantly and studied one of her hooves so she didn't have to look at the assembled ponies. “She's here because she's a terrible musician,” Comet mumbled. Octavia pretended she didn't hear him. “Comet Tail!” Blue Hearts admonished. “I'll have to dock you points for that little outburst.” Comet groaned but didn't say anything else. His time as a level 0 had just been extended. “Now Octavia, don't you think you should tell the group why you're here? You haven't said a word about it since you arrived,” Blue Hearts was doing it again, that stupid face. The one that said 'oh you poor thing' and 'I just want to help'. Octavia said nothing and just stared at Blue Hearts with a flat gaze. Eventually Blue decided that she wasn't going to get any more out of her and moved to address Vinyl. “Ok, then. Maybe Octavia will share with us another time. Vinyl, why don't you introduce yourself?” Vinyl, all traces of discomfort gone, sat back on her haunches and polished a hoof on her chest. “Well you all know my real name, my stage name is Dj-Pon3, you may have heard of me. I recorded “Pony Rock Anthem” with my good friends Neon Lights and Pinkie Pie.” Typewrite and Cloud Hopper both gasped. “'Pony Rock Anthem'? I love that song!” Cloud Hopper's wings snapped open in excitement and Rosy had to move out of the way to avoid them. It was a practiced move, Cloud Hopper often got excited, and since everypony generally sat in the same seat, Rosy had gotten used to avoiding the flailing feathers. “I do too! I danced to that song at my cute-ceañera!” Typewrite exclaimed, leaning forward in excitement. “You're famous!” “A bit, yeah.” Vinyl smirked and stood up again. “And, uh, I'm here because I... well...” the discomfort was back again and Vinyl looked at the floor. “I'm here because I... hurt myself. Really badly.” Blue Hearts made to put a reassuring hoof on Vinyl's shoulder but thought better of it. “Would you like to tell us what happened, Vinyl?” She looked uncertain, so Blue Hearts prodded a little more. “The points system has been explained to you, right?” Vinyl nodded. “Well then you know that sharing in group will earn you five points and help you get off of level 0 faster. Having somepony follow you around all day must be annoying.” She gave Vinyl a small smile which the other mare returned. “Alright, I guess I will then.” Vinyl took a deep breath to steady her nerves and started. “Well, I started to... hurt myself last year. I find that it helps me to focus, for some reason it clears my head. It makes me feel calm and in control.” “Why do you need to hurt yourself to feel in control?” Blue Hearts prodded. “Sometimes I get really angry. It helps me control it.” The other ponies could see a slight blush forming on Vinyl's cheeks that her white coat did nothing to hide. “What is it that makes you so angry you have to hurt yourself to control it?” “I don't want to talk about it.” Vinyl poked at the carpet, still not meeting anypony's eyes. She could feel the pinpricks of tears forming in the corners of her own and she tried to will them away. “That's ok, keep going.” The group therapist encouraged. “Ok, um, it's not just anger. Sometimes if I get really scared or depressed it helps. Also, I sometimes have days where I feel... nothing. Like my head is full of fog. It helps with that too. It's a distraction from pretty much everything. I would do it a lot before my gigs, it's hard to go out there and be upbeat when you're a nervous wreck. “What really landed me in here was a couple of days ago, when I hurt myself too badly and ended up in the hospital. After they patched me up they sent me here.” She finally looked up at the other ponies, most of whom were paying rapt attention, except Comet and Octavia. Comet was reading a magazine and Octavia was staring out the window, pretending she wasn't paying attention. “Well, thank you so much for sharing Vinyl, that was very good. Now, does anypony have any questions for her?” Blue Hearts asked. She turned to Vinyl, “Remember, you don't have to answer a question you don't want to.” “I have a question!” Typewrite almost shouted, waving a hoof in the air. “You keep saying you 'hurt yourself', what does that mean, exactly?” She waited wide-eyed for the answer and Vinyl shuffled her hooves nervously. “Well, um,” Vinyl stuttered, “it means a lot of things. Sometimes I would throw myself again walls, a couple of times I touched my stove while it was on, but mainly it means that I... cut myself.” Rosy audibly gasped and Arithmetic flinched. “That's, really awful.” Arithmetic stated, a few of the other ponies nodded in agreement. “I think that's enough for today. Thank you Vinyl, that was really great sharing. You may take a seat anywhere.” Vinyl nodded and took a seat in the significant amount of space between Rosy and Comet. Rosy seemed relieved about having a pony between her and the sociopath and smiled a little bit at Vinyl, who returned it with a huge grin. The rest of the hour was spent with Blue Hearts talking about developing coping styles to deal with difficult emotions. Octavia found the whole thing indescribably boring, and stopped paying attention about five minutes in. Instead she rested her head on the armrest on the side of the couch and stared at the stupid cat poster. Oh how she hated it. Just looking at it made her thing about hanging, which made her think about the dream, which made her think about the reason she was locked in here and that night. “Yes, well that's all the time we have for today,” Blue Hearts concluded her speech and Octavia looked up. “I'll see all of you tomorrow, same time same place. Please do your best to make Vinyl feel welcome.” Blue Hearts waved to the group and a couple waved back, and out the door she went. Finally.