Spike's Journal
Written by The39Ponies
Edited by cwiis
Over A Barrel
Dear Diary,
For a summer trip, we took a train with Applejack to Appleoosa, the place where most of her relatives are from. You see, AJ's family discovered a rare species of apple trees. This tree (named Bloomberg) seemed to grow best in sand for some reason, and Appleoosa had plenty of that. We went along to help her plant the tree.
The road trip to Appleoosa was enjoyable enough, but everypony kept asking me to cook snacks with my firebreath. Which stunk, because I was trying to read Daring Do and the Return of Harmony. And when it was time to go to bed, they kept talking about Fluttershy being a tree or something. I went to camp with Bloomberg.
It wasn't going to get any better when I woke up. I found myself surrounded by a bunch of buffaloes. And they had paint on their faces, feathers on their heads, and really, really sharp horns. For a moment, I actually thought I had been sucked into the book I was reading. Nervously, I got my universes jumbled up and asked to go to Hoofwarts to speak with Hermoneigh Granger.
They had no idea what I was talking about. After a few minutes, I realized this place was real. I found out that they had kidnapped my caboose on purpose, and they felt guilty about it. You see, the place where we were supposed to plant Bloomberg turned out to be their traditional stampeding grounds. Although I had no idea why they had to have those every year, I felt sorry for them.
They treated me to breakfast, which was pretty good. As I was eating my fourth bowl, I learned from the youngest and most friendly in the bunch, Little Strongheart, that a "blue pegasus and pink balloon" had invaded their turf. I figured they were talking about Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie. I rushed to the scene and was able to clear up their innocence just in time.
Chief Thunderhooves, their leader, gave them the same food as me. Although Rainbow hated it, Pinkie loved it. After explaining their story to them, we decided that we were going to have a little talk with the Appleloosans. The next day, we went into town. When we got there, however, we ended up arguing instead. I wonder why nopony thought of letting the buffalo stampede first and then planting the apple tree after that, or just simply sharing the stupid land.
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Unique Equine Facts #18:
Ponies never compromise until the end of the day.
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Anyway, Pinkie called attention on me for a minute. She had this really great idea for a musical number, and I was supposed to be the pianist. Of course, I agreed right away. We performed our song, "You Gotta Share", at one in the afternoon.
Nopony liked it. The only thing everypony could agree on was that it was terrible. Well, I have to admit that the song was a bit lackluster. But, hey, the reason why I didn't make an effort to improve it was that I just wanted to get the whole thing over with so I could learn why Ahuizotl was Daring's father (I had a few unpleasant theories in my head and wanted to get them out as soon as possible).
After that, the sheriff declared war on the buffaloes. Yes, you read that right: war. Come on, we were coming to that?! If this was a TV show, the rating would go up!
Well, we tried to make everypony cooperate, but they were too busy preparing apple pies (this world makes no sense at all!). The only pony who didn't fully approve of the war was AJ's cousin, Braeburn. The same went for the buffaloes: Little Strongheart seemed very reluctant to go into battle.
At two today, the seven of us were stuck in a pie war. If you don't know what that means, let's just say the buffaloes were charging at top speed while the ponies were trying to throw pie at them. All was in complete chaos until the sheriff hit the buffalo chief at full force. For a while, the war stopped. The chief wasn't moving.
...Then, he licked some of the apple pie and said it was delicious. Turns out he only had a minor scratch, and he now understood why planting the apple trees was so important. The townsponies decided to create a road through the orchard so the herd could continue their stampeding tradition. Phew.
Today, I learned that pie is the answer to all your problems. So long, 42, and thanks for all the false lessons.
-Spike