Chapter 3
“How long do you wanna wait then?” Rainbow Dash asked Twilight. Both ponies had moved to the front doors of City Hall building. So far, the new visitor had only been in there a few minutes. The pegasus, while not exactly bored, was getting apprehensive. Seeing her friend Twilight a bit nervous made her feel uneasy.
“I don’t know,” Twilight responded. Her purple eyes closed a bit to look back at Rainbow. “Remember the protocol procedure?”
“Yeah yeah. Pretend you don't know humans. Act like they are weird,” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes as she went down the long list. “Make sure the humans are no threat. Find out if they have powers or weapons. Determine if they have knowledge of Equestria, and all that other stuff...”
“I think we’re supposed to do that now, but he’s in there with the Mayor. If it’s a warning, barging in there would be dangerous.” Twilight lowered both ears against her head. “But he could also be in there doing something weird, like seducing Mayor Mare or hurting her.” She picked up her head, looking at Rainbow’s eyes. “But what worries me more is the after effects.”
“After effects?” Dash narrowed her eyes a bit. “You mean like when a human or two comes in with the power to seduce us all?”
“Well...” Twilight shut her eyes, feeling her cheeks flush again. “That is one side effect. But no, I’m talking about the other ones. Like a danger is coming to Equestria, or something is going to drastically change.” The unicorn opened her eyes and sighed.
“Oh. Yeah, that seems to happen a lot, but only when a human falls for you Twilight.” The pegasus drove her left fore hoof on the ground a bit. “Besides, it always seems to end well. My humans always end up getting themselves hurt...”
“Can we not talk about our past relationships? Let’s go inside then, and just take a quick look around. I think that should be ok.” Twilight released a sigh. She was really hoping to go a whole week without falling in love again. Then again, for once she would like to get a human that wasn’t in pain, had weirdo powers, or was a socially inept as she was at times.
“Okay. Um.. Dibs?” Rainbow Dash smiled a bit, moving a hoof to the back of her mane.
“Rainbow Dash! You know we can’t call dibs! We have to follow protocol,” Twilight frowned. Why didn’t she call dibs?!
“Yeah, I guess we should see if he’s dangerous first,” Rainbow released her own sigh. Both picked up their heads and walked through the door. “Huh. He left his camping gear in the hallway.” The cyan pony looked around, seeing no pony around. “Wanna look through it?”
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“So, what do you think Applejack?” Fluttershy ask. “Want to go see the new human, or should we go through our whole routine first?”
“Listen Shy, I don’t wanna git involved in another human. ‘Sides I’m working,” Applejack sighed. “Ya know how top tiers go. Ya go first, then Twi, then it’s a tie tween me an Dash.”
“But you saw him first. Doesn’t that mean you get dibs?” Fluttershy asked.
“Ya know, for somepony that thought she was a gonner- yer getting awfully interested.” Applejack squinted at her friend.
“Well...” Fluttershy lowered her head a bit, moving her right hoof out to idly kick the ground. May as well be honest with the Element of Honesty. “There’s one thing I do want. Out of all of the humans, maybe only one or two of them were animal caretakers like me. Least you’ve had a farmer or two come your way. I keep hoping to run into a human that can tell me about the animals in their world.”
“Ya don’t say,” Applejack raised her eyebrows. Now that she thought about it, a lot of the humans that came here were soldiers, pilots, emotional types with dead end jobs- And let’s face it, a lot of them were self proclaimed ‘losers with nothing to live for.’
“Yeah. Sometimes, it would be nice just to get a second opinion. Even some advice or new techniques,” Fluttershy picked up her head to look at her friend. “Everypony else gets colleagues or something of that sort. It would be nice, even if just to get critique.”
“Say what now?” Applejack narrowed her eyes now.
“Well, you know you’re doing a good job. Your results prove it. Even Granny Smith and Big Macintosh as your elders leave things to you. Twilight has a mentor, Rarity has professional fashion designers and critics, Rainbow Dash has the Wonderbolts, and even Pinkie Pie has the Cakes.” Fluttershy raised her head, getting her face out of her mane. “While the little critters do tell me I do a nice job, acknowledge from colleagues or professionals would be a good way to gauge myself.”
“Well, when you put it that way,” Applejack moved a hoof to her chin. Fluttershy was right. They all had somepony that could be a mentor and fall back on. “But why this human?”
“He did look like an outdoor type of human. And his camping gear means he knows how to handle outdoors, so maybe he knows animals,” Fluttershy smiled a bit.
“Are you sure that’s it? Not feeling lonely again?”
“Relationships are nice, and having a foal or a husband is a wonderful feeling,” Fluttershy said as she closed her eyes, but she lowered her head as her ears fell back. “But I would want it to be on my own terms without me having to heal or nurture them would be nice. And this human looks so healthy at least.”
“Now that ya mention it... Where are all your other husbands and foals?”
“Where are yours?”
“Point taken. Well, Ah would be interested in seein’ who this human ends up with. Let me take this cart back to the farm. Ya can drop off yer stuff and we can go find Twi together.”
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“Forgive our reactions Mr. Norris,” Mayor Mare moved a hoof to push her glasses up, regaining her composure. Time Turner also moved to pick up the pencil, a bit embarassed by his own reaction.
“Are humans and ponies always expected to be a couple?” Chuck raised his left eyebrow, leaning his head away a bit.
“Well, not all of them. Many actually just become friends,” Mayor moved to sit straight in her chair. Which was actually sit on her haunches while her front hooves stood straight in the seat. “But to outright say they won't have any relationship with a pony, friendly or not-”
“Oh, right. I should clarify that. I don’t know you all, and I certainly don’t expect to make friends with everyone,” Chuck lowered his arms to the sides to smile at the misunderstanding. “I do want to make friends with my co-workers and neighbors.”
“Ah, that does clear things a bit. But, back to your statment- Turn yourself in?” Mare raised her left eyebrow.
“Ah. Well, I expect to be detained for questioning, maybe arrested,” Chuck answered as he dropped his smile. “That is, assuming if things are the worst case scenario.”
“Well, there is a few questions we are to follow to determine if you are detained. But I must say, I’m shocked,” Mayor moved herself to lean closer into her desk. “Why did you turn yourself in willingly? You are the first I believe to ever admit he did a crime.”
“Well, it seems other humans got here- I have no idea how or why,” Chuck shrugged his shoulders. “But I came here willingly, and knowing full knowledge I was breaking immigrant laws. I’m guessing the other humans got here outside their power or against their will.”
“I see. That does make sense actually.” The mare turned to look at Turner, who nodded as he continued to write things down. The stallion had written down so much, that he had to start on another sheet. “Your camping gear then? Did you assume that would not detain you?”
“My friend informed me you ponies are very friendly and reasonable race. I wouldn’t have come here if I didn't think I stood a reasonable chance to live. I just want some space in Whitetail woods.”
“Whitetail? Not Everfree?” Mare once again blinked, though this time in curiosity.
“Everfree sounds like an annoying place. Poison Joke, manticores? No thanks. I don't know magic, I don’t have weapons, and I certainly don’t have powers.” Norris raised his left hand, waving it back and forth.
“Annoying?” Mayor Mare lowered her eyebrows. “Not scary or dangerous?”
“Chuck Norris doesn’t scare easily your Honor,” the human chuckled. “Besides, no one dies in this place other than old age, and I’m guessing disease.”
“Disease?”
“One pony I saw has a Cutie Mark, I think you call them, of a tobacco pipe. Smoking exists in this place. Cancer can exist then,” Chuck replied. Turner stopped writing a second, turning to look at Mayor. She shrugged a bit, since he was telling the truth.
“Well, at least we know you have no powers or weapons, so we can scratch those off the list. So far, you've displayed very cognitive thought and a genuine will of being civilized. May I ask, did you bring the gear as a precaution?”
“Well, until I make enough to get a home, I plan to live in the woods. And I should mention, I do have an axe and a few tools with me. I don't consider them weapons though- just tools to chop wood and make things I may need,” Chuck smiled.
“I see. Well, at least that takes care of housing. You have no idea how many humans come through and end up living in some pony’s house... Usually the Elements of Harmony,” once more the mare said under her breath. “Assume we did place you in jail? What do you think would happen?”
“Probably work release program,” Chuck said. “You do seem reasonable and friendly, and from all this talk of other humans- It’s safe to assume I won’t get banished, exiled, or deported. Either I stay and get a job, or in jail and work- Either way I get paid.”
“Did you really just come here to get a job? Truly?” Mayor asked, leaning in a bit to study his face.
“The Economy in my home country is tough. Lots of reasons there’s no work. Companies downsize to save money because they make products no one wants or people waste money stupidly. Companies outsource work to other countries because it’s cheaper. Many qualified workers have to beat so many others just for a position. Our country wastes money on unimportant things-”
“Unimportant?”
“Did you know my president himself admitted. ‘We still waste money in all kinds of things that don't work.’ And he has created a $26 billion loan program created for ‘green jobs,’ that most normal citizens don’t even stand a chance to get?” Chuck turned his head to the right side and frowned. “Thanks Obama.”
“Really? That seems a bit irresponsible,” Mayor Mare admitted. “But you do seem to be telling the truth. Was it so bad you decided to throw away your citizenship, home, and friends and family to come here?”
“That’s just the tip of the iceberg. Granted, it’s not all his fault. But he’s bailed out failing companies and while the country is getting back on it’s feet- A lot of us still suffer. Don't get me started on Obama-care. That thing has it’s ups and downs, and I’m not even going to get into it.”
“Well, Mr. Chuck Norris. I think you qualify as a city resident. But I’m afraid it’s not up to me. You must meet with Twilight Sparkle.”
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”How were the foals Pinkie?” Mrs. Cake asked, smiling at her babies in their crib.
“They were just absolut-” Pinkie Pie stopped talking, feeling her Pinkie Sense kicking in. She arched her back, flipped into the air, honked like a goose, and then landed on her left front hoof.
“A combo?” Mr. Cake asked, his eyes following her movements. “What’s going on this time?”
“Dunno! Never honked before! I bet it has to do with that new human...”
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“Well, I think you can camp in Whitetail with no problems-” Mayor Mare had been leading Chuck Norris outside her office to guide him to Golden Oaks Library. She stopped though, seeing Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash, with Chuck’s gear laid out on the floor.
“He he he... Sorry?” Rainbow Dash said with a blush. Chuck Norris looked left and right at the ponies invading his personal property and his civil rights.
“I don't initiate violence, I retaliate,” Chuck Norris quoted Chuck Norris. He raised both hands up and cracked his knuckles.