It's been about two months since you've 'arrived' in Equestria and life so far has been pretty great. The ponies here, after a short time, accepted you into ponyvillie with open arms...forelegs?
Anyway life in equestria has been... different but it has been good. In fact you could easily say that there is nothing wrong with your new life.
Except for one thing...
Rainbow Dash.
She would make Sonic the Hedgehog look like a pastor when it come's to being humble.
You thought her attitude and personality was actually very attractive, your an open minded guy, but that attraction took a knee to the gut when she started running her mouth.
It's part of who she is, and you accept and realize this, but she brags SO DAMN MUCH.
And only around YOU! Maybe it's because your not a pony? Something different, or SOMETHING but you don't know WHY she constantly brags around you.
But not only does she brag, she INSISTS that she be your 'gym teacher' so to speak. You know trying to change her mind is like trying to make a brick orgasm.
Yeah, not gonna happen.
You actually became stronger, faster and have a much better reflex time because of her 'training'...
Which is basically her trying to pound you into the dirt everyday.
Not an actual fight, but a wrestling match.
She spams with flying tackles, if anyone wanted to know.
Why is it that she always tackles you? And the weirder part is when she actually lands a hit on you, she stays there for a couple seconds before bragging that she won.
But today...was different.
...
'This isn't good...' You think as you see Rainbow barreling towards you at about 7800 bits of medical expenses an hour.
Never have you seen her try to tackle you this hard. Maybe it's partially your fault because you got a little cocky when you dodged her first three attempts to tackle you, she didn't take your bragging very well.
She can dish it out, but she can't take it, apparently.
Your sweaty, sore, and tired from your usual work out sessions with Rainbow Dash, but...
You don't feel that right now.
All you see is a potential cause of bankruptcy due to medical bills going straight towards you.
She's really close...
You get your arms ready, brace your legs, pucker your butt hole and prepare to do something...very stupid.
'It's all or nothing...'
She's almost here....
'Not yet...'
She's almost on top of you...
'Not yet...'
You can smell her spicy scented sweat...
'Not yet...'
Dude, if you have any-
'NOW!'
You take the tackle like a boss. But you don't fall over. Your gonna feel that one in the morning...
With all your might (not much because pegesi are very light.) You grab her by the sides and lift her body above your head.
"HEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
You start bringing her body down to the dirt that has always welcomed you to it's door and invited you in for some dirt cookies.
Time to return the hospitality.
"LIGER BOAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMB!
Raikage for the win.
Her body meets the ground with a BOOM and stays there, on the ground, in shock of what just happened.
You just Liger Bombed her into the dirt.
Silence.
...
...
"OOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" You scream running around Rainbow's prone form. Screaming your lungs out in happiness. You put your hands in the air...and wave them like you just don't care.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! WHAT'S GOOD!? WHAT'S GOOD!? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" You wave your hand in front of your face John Cena style. Your so pumped...
A little too pumped.
*Snap*
There goes your sanity.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...." Your screams get softer and softer, not because your getting softer...
It's because your running back to ponyvillie, screaming you ass off like a mad man, which you are at this point.
___________________________________________________________________________________
Ponyvillie.
***********************************************************************************
Applebloom was helping Applejack sell apple's at the stand today, for real this time, and actually got some legitimate sales today (Puppy dog eyes of total domination.) But...she and Applejack start to hear something.
"AhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" She hears your screams but your not there at the moment.
"Applejack, ya'll here that?" Applebloom asked. Applejack turned to answer her sister.
"Yeah ah do, sounds like-" Her sentence was interrupted by you. Running towards the stand screaming and flailing your arms around like an idiot on bathsalts.
*SLAM!*
The sound of your hand slamming against the hard surface of the stand was heard. You put down a bit on the stand.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" You, still screaming, take an apple from the stand.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...." Your screams fade away when you start running towards the library.
Thoroughly shocked and confused, Applebloom turned to her sister.
"Was that..." Applejack nodded.
"Somethan ain't right with that guy." She said and continued with her stand, taking the bit you put down and putting it were all the money goes.
___________________________________________________________________________________
At the library.
***********************************************************************************
"So when am I going to meet this 'human', my student?" Celestia asked, she took time out of her busy schedule to come to finally meet this new creature that Twilight goes on about in her letters.
"He's exercising with Rainbow Dash right now, he'll be here any moment. I have to warn you as I did in my letters he's a little-" She was interrupted by a faint screaming sound.
"Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh"
"What was that?" Celestia asked.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Your screams got louder.
*Slam!*
The sound of you opening the open violently is heard. But before the two mares can ask what is happening, or even take in the situation. You go back outside.
*SLAM!*
The sound of you kicking the door down this time is heard.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" You run towards a bookshelf and started slowly sorting through the books, still screaming at the top of your lungs. You find the book you are looking for and proceed to go upstairs were Spike is taking a nap.
But before you do, you find and bring with you the door Twilight made during the whole Trixie fiasco.
*Snore*
The sound of Spike sleeping peacefully is the only thing heard in this nice silent room.
"Oh Rarity, hit me ha-"
*Slam!*
Spike is shocked awake from his pleasant dream by the sound of you opening the door you had with you, but before he could process what is happening you close the door again...
*SLAM!*
You, for the second time this day, kick one of the library's door's down. You run up to Spike and take the blanket he has been using.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHINEEDTHISHHHHHHHHHHHH!" You scream as you suddenly unroll Spike from his cozy blanket. He flips about seven times in the air before landing on his bed. You put the door back were it belongs and pull up the door that you kicked down and run out the library.
"Wha...?" Spike asks.
*Slam!*
The sound of you coming back into the library is heard as you go in front of princess Celestia, you bow.
"AAAAAAAAAAAPLEASURETOFINALLYSEEYOUPRINCESSCELESTIAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" You scream very loudly before...
*SLAM!*
You again kick Twilight's door down, you start running towards Sugar-Cube Corner.
"...Off." Twilight finishes her sentence.
"...I see." Celestia says.
___________________________________________________________________________________
Sugar-Cube Corner
***********************************************************************************
Derpy has finally ended her shift from her job as Mailmare for today, and she thought it was a good idea to sit down, relax, and enjoy some muffins for today.
"Have a trice nice day Derpy!" Pinkie says as she hands Derpy the freshly made muffin's.
"Thank you Pinkie, I wills!" The wall eyed mare says happily.
She sits down to enjoy her muffin's but is interrupted by Pinkie shuddering and doing weird motions and then gasping.
"*Gasp!*Eye twitch, Itchy back, bloated tongue!" She smiled and started hopping in place.
"YAY, it's been a while since this happened!" Pinkie exclaims happily. Derpy got curious, she and all of ponyvillie knew about her Pinkie sense, but she isn't familiar with what means what.
"What does it mean?" She asks in her adorably dopey voice.
"It means things are going to get interesting in 3..."
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..."
"2..."
"AHHHHHHHHHHHH..."
"1!"
*SLAM!*
You kick the door down and grab Derpy and start to run away.
*SLAM!*
You come back, kick the door open again and grab the plate of muffin's. You then run towards the field where you Liger Bombed Rainbow Dash.
"Hey! Wait for me!" Pinkie says before following you, hopping and giggling all the while.
___________________________________________________________________________________
Ground Zero
***********************************************************************************
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" You scream while running towards Rainbow Dash's still prone form. She is still shocked by what happened to the point of being paralyzed.
You set Derpy down, give her the book, and put the blanket over Rainbow Dash, you also put the apple and muffins you had around her.
"YOU BETTER EAT YO DINNER! CAUSE YOU JUST REACHED CURFEW!"
You point to Derpy.
"READ HER A BEDTIME STORY, CAUSE SHE'S OUT! OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...."
You start running towards ponyvillie again...
With your hands in the air, waving them like you just don't care.
End.
...
...
"Long ago in a distant land, I Aku-" Derpy and Pinkie started reading. Rainbow Dash put her hoof up to stop them..
"Stop...just...stop." Dash said, before laying back on the ground.
End. (For real this time.)