Heart of Winter

by Dr.Shisno


Shine On

                The cold attacked self’s face. I was thankful it was just wind, not snow and wind. Using free hand, I rubbed face. Natural bushy grit from beard was gone, replaced with finer, smoother grit. At request, beard had been trimmed. A very threatening request, but it was request of Rarity. It was supposed to be special night. I had to help make it such, even if it was at cost of small amount of manliness and face being cold. Small cost.

                Another thankful thing was bundle of warmth clinging to side. Rarity’s arm was through own, huddling close to body. Her thick coat hid body and hair was in bun nestled under  cap. Few strands of hair drifted over flushed red face. Flushed red from cold or from closeness, I did not know. But smile helped narrow down answer.

                “I look ridiculous,” I spoke, breaking silent walk.

                She only laughed lightly, “Don’t. Long, thick coats are quite normal. And I think you look good in a nice suit. It helps you blend in and not look so brutish.”

                “I like the brutish. That is my look.”

                “I know, you had the mountain man look down to its finer points. Surprising, actually, for it to even have finer points.”

                “That is true.” We continued to walk for few minutes in silence. Walking with little purpose, unlike many times walking through woods, trekking through snow. Now there was little weight on shoulders. Temperatures were cold, but unnatural warmness kept legs moving. But unlike many times in trek, we were close to destination.

                Opening door to restaurant was met with blast of warmth and welcoming smell of food, which only aided in quickness of entering and closing door behind self. Coats were taken from us in exchange of ticket. Self’s black suit and silver tie matched Rarity’s top. She wore black pants, saying it was too cold for dress. It was all her suggestion; I was merely vessel for purchasing items and wearing them.

                The person behind the table asked question in flurry of French, which Rarity responded to in turn. The only words understood were self’s last name. He looked at self strange, before shrugging. He picked up menus, spoke more French, then walked away. Rarity followed, suggesting I follow as well.

                Leading us through few tables and small groups that were there, we finally arrived at table. It was bit secluded from others, candle lit, and bit darker than I would have wanted, but it was not such time to argue about such small matters. Hearing of cliché romantic situations is one thing, living it is another. Sitting down, more French was quickly exchanged between waiter and Rarity. He nodded, scurrying off quickly.

                “You will need to fill me in on last bit of conversation.” Using natural Russian to hear mother-language. “My French is lacking.”

                “Oh, well first he welcomed us. I said we have a reservation for two under Sakharov. Then when we got to the table, he said our waiter would be along shortly. I thanked him, and with that, he left.”

                “Thank you for translating.” Looking down at variety of utensils in front of self, I realized I was more out of comfort than ever before. “Then translate all this for me please,” motioning to utensils.

                “Oh, the top one is your dessert fork,” she started to point out. “The furthest right fork is your salad or appetizer fork. The next fork is for the main course. Easy to spot is your knife and spoon on your left.”

                “Does it really matter which fork I use to eat?”

                “If you wish to avoid more strange looks,” her smug grin growing. “I suggest you at least try to adhere to the unspoken rules.”

                “Unspoken rules of eating?”

                “More like unspoken rules of class and culture.” She leaned in bit, “It’s easy to tell if you are unclassed and uncultured if you are choosing the wrong fork.”

                I leaned in as well, “You have been calling self brutish and uncultured, what makes this different?”

                “Because I asked you to do this for me. So try.”

                Arrival of waiter interrupted my response, and his French was just as quick as rest of people. Rarity answered before turning to self. “He asked us what we would like to drink. Would of a bottle of red wine be okay with you?

                “Da, that would be fine.” Rarity took the wine list and spoke more French, pointing at something on list. “Nothing too expensive,” I said quickly, to which she merely rolled eyes. After more French, our waiter left. “I hope I do not see more dust on bottle than what was on self’s books.”

                “Oh, don’t be like that,” She waved self off. “Live a little. It’s your first fancy dinner as well as our first decent meal since forever.” She paused, thinking for moment. “I think this may be the first time you or I have had something that could be considered actual food.”

                “I ate and cooked “real” food,” I shrugged. “You ate food provided. It got us this far, nyet? I consider that food.”

                “Well,” Rarity raised eyebrow. “Do you consider the thing we ate from that can… what was it again?”

                “Spam.”

                “Yes, Spam.” She paused again, as if trying to shut out thought of it. “That dreadful scientific experiment in a can. Would you consider that food?”

                “Under our circumstances?” I chuckled, “Da. Not under our circumstances, Da. It provided what was needed and could be considered tasty.”

                “I hardly consider the mold that grow in my old tea cup, food.”

                “What is strange to some, is normal for others.” I let thought drift for moment as waiter arrived with wine bottle and two glasses, then left without word. Small toast was made after wine was poured. It was not as glamorous of toast as night before. Just to night of fun and good food.

Drifting thought continued to pester and annoy as the red berry drink sloshed around mouth and loosened tongue a bit. “What is human to some, pony to others?”

                Had I known that, despite best efforts to contain reaction, Rarity’s drink would come back out of way it came in. I would have gladly paid for second bottle, though she was quick to recover.

                “Come again? What did you say?”

                “I am sure you heard correctly.” Another pause, trying to find correct words to approach situation. “You could have said something earlier. Not leaving self to find out on eve of your departure.”

                “I didn’t think it was too important at the time to mention it.”

                “I understood the part about being from another world. That was explained earlier. But part about being a horse was not something to mention?”

                “There were more pressing matters at the time. I didn’t think it was the appropriate time. Hello, I’m Rarity. Thanks for saving me. Oh, by the way I’m also from another world and I’m not human but actually a tiny horse.”

                “But was there not other time to mention it? Could you not trust me with such information?”

                “Let me be clear, it was not a trust issue.” She waved hand around in air, trying to pull words together. “I did not think you would believe me.”

                “I have been having hallucinations in sleep for past few months now. I have believed you were from other world. We can take being horse as something else to add to list.”

                “Arkady,” Rarity took deep breath trying to keep from being too frustrated. “There is a time a place for everything.”

                “And you could not find time and place to tell self?”

                “No… well… yes,” she sighed. “But the time and a place is not here and not now. Can I just say that?”

                I paused, taking breath in hope that such would clear mind. I wanted to be mad, even if only small amount, but she had point. “Da, you are right. I am sorry.” Taking sip of wine, letting wine produce thoughts. “It is eve of departure. I should have not pressed issue. I apologize.”

                Another sigh from Rarity. “It’s okay.”

                I knew it was not. Maybe I should have pressed other issues, such as meeting friend, Twilight. Or what may happen after. But I remained quiet on such issues. Also remaining quiet most of night. Listening to stories of another life, laughing when appropriate. It felt foreign, distant. It was small gift when meal finally arrived, talking subsided. Even after food finished, small talk was kept to minimum. For better or for worse. Maybe something more should have been said. Gazing into her eyes, gazing into eternity, I knew I should have said more.

                But I did not.

                I remained quiet, even after we walked arm in arm out of restaurant. Even has her warmth helped self put one foot in front of other. Even has her few sighs and half said words. Even as she wanted to say something more than that. Even as self replied in one words. Even as the thoughts inside head wanted to scream out and express such compromising thoughts. Even as her grip grew tight and I seemed to grow more distant.

                I remained silent.

                In my silence, I sealed thoughts away.

                Even as I drifted as off to sleep in hotel with her barely few meters away, my silence continued. Even as I waited for sleep to take me, awaken, and begin final long day. The last long day in string of long days that have not ceased since I found her in snow covered in dead man’s blood. Where I voiced concern, voiced reason, voiced plans.

                But now voice is silent.

                And sleep kept my silence.
 

* * *

 

“Rarity, you need to do the talking.” I spoke, as our position in line grew closer to booth.

“Why?” She asked with strange look on face. “You speak English well enough. You can do the talking.”

“Nyet, I cannot.”

“And why is that?”

“My accent may offend him.”

“Again, I ask the same question.”

“World history. We have not been on same page as Americans for long time. Just help out. We are on home stretch.”

She rolled eyes as we approached booth, with almost bit of annoyance, but smile returned as she greeted attendant. She hands him our passports.

“What’s your reason for coming to the US?” he questioned while going through our passports.

“We’re visiting an old friend in New York.” I feel his watchful gaze eye self’s passport and then back at self. Multiple times and Rarity caught gaze as well. “Sorry, I made him shave, I couldn’t stand the beard.” She laughed it off and the attendant shared chuckle.

“How long you two plan on visiting your friend?”

Another laugh, “Just a few days, we don’t wish to annoy her too much.”

The attendant shared another chuckle, even if to not make it awkward. He gazed at passports more time before stamping. “Enjoy your visit.” Smiling and giving silent half salute upon receiving passport we moved on past attendant.

“Was not difficult? You might make good actor.”

“You’re just saying that,” She rolled eyes again.

“Maybe,” we continued to walk, packs heavy on back. “Maybe.”

* * *

 

The white washed room had become second home: the table, two chairs, and pot of tea. One chair was occupied with familiar face, a familiar welcoming face. It was The Princess’ human form in which she now appeared to self. The same white dress and long flowing hair waving in nonexistent wind.

“I suppose this is the last time we will be speaking,” she rose from table, greeting self halfway, “for Rarity will soon be with us. Your mission is almost complete.” She gestured, and I followed by her side in walk. “You’ve done so much. You’ve traveled so far.”

“I did what any good person would have done in self’s situation.” Slowly shapes gathered around us, lampposts at first then outlines of buildings.

                “No, you did what you would’ve done. There were few people that could’ve done what you did. You traveled nearly all the way around your world. For someone who you barely knew.”

                I kept silence, not knowing what to say.

                “You protected Rarity through snow and hardships; from wildlife and criminals. Yet, you’ve asked for nothing in return.”

                It was difficult to suppress laugh, “It would happen, usually saving person from another world would be rewarded. I just did not want to bring it up. Besides, I think that reward would not be needed.”

                “Why? You’ve done all this, why not ask for a hero’s ransom in return?”

                Deep breath helped calm nerves, “Because a hero does not ask for ransom.”

                She hummed in thought, “So, not another world in your hands? To live and discover? A brand new world?”

                “Your world?”

                “Yes, my world. Where you can start a new life and start from scratch.”

                “You want me to come to your world.” Brain was set afire with new ideas, with prospect of a new life, but it did not seem right. “And I would be alone.”

                “You have Rarity, do you not?”

                “True, but I have many friends and family.”

                “And you can make new friends, friends that can become like family.”

                It was a lot to understand. “Would I be like you? A colorful, talking horse?”

                She paused, “Yes, like Rarity is human in your world. You would be like us in our world. A horse.”

                “So, I really would be starting from scratch. New world, new body, no body that I know.” I too paused, “What would family and friends think of self here?”

                “Like you never came back. You said your goodbyes and never returned.”

                “…Dead.”

                “Yes.”

                “A complete new slate.”

                “Yes.”

                That was especially a lot to understand. I would be dead. New world. New body. No prior contacts. Yet, I would be very much alive. Amount of things to believe, it was a lot. I do not know if faith could help understand more, or if trust alone would help determine answer. But alone, it was difficult decision.

                “No.”

                She was taken aback with answer, but regained composure quickly. “May I ask why?”

                “I am simple man,” was first response. “Your world seems too much for self; too mystical for this broken mountain-man. I have yet to understand half of own world, yet have traveled most of it. Now you ask to leave it and let it be undiscovered. It just does not seem right for a condemned man to leave a condemned world.”

                “You speak as though you are a prisoner, content with living with the rest of the prisoners, even after offered to be set free.”

                “No, I speak as a traveller being offered the opportunity to discover a new land across ocean blue. To be able to have all wealth it holds from distance, it is difficult to tell if there is grass or gold.”

                “There is too much unknown.”  Another hum of thought, “Are you sure there isn’t anything I can do for you then?”

                “Watch over her,” was quick response. “Watch over her as I did. She is a gem who needs careful attention.” I thought for few moments. “For our sake.”

                “Are you sure there is nothing else I can do? I can provide riches; you wouldn’t have to work a day in your life. Provide luxury; you wouldn’t have to lift a finger for anything. Surely there must be something.”

                “Nothing,” I glanced at the buildings and their outlines. Trying to comprehend a different world within my touch. “I have survived off little most of life. I will manage with what I carry.” We walked in silence for time, gaze drifting to scene around us. “I suppose this concludes our business.”

                She stopped and I followed suite. “I suppose it does.”

                I extended hand towards her, “It has been a pleasure, Princess Celestia. Truly, it has. It was honor to do this for you. Thank you.”

                The Princess took hand, “It has been my pleasure and an honor to have met you. Your generosity has been a blessing. So no, thank you.” There was quick handshake and a smile. “Good luck, Arkady. We may be in touch.”

                “Till we meet again then.” I turned around started to walk the way I arrived from, till question arose. Turning, I kept walking backwards. “How will I know where to find Twilight?”

                A light chuckle emerged from The Princess. “Twilight will be waiting at the station for your arrival. Rarity will know her when she sees her.” She gave wave before wave of blinding light surrounded.
 

* * *

 

                I have imagined New York’s Grand Central Station since I was small boy; it was wish to walk through old Roman architecture. Seeing old movies from West in such place can only plant seed of desire. The marble and statues helped set gaze up and away, trying to feed such seed. Not looking ahead and very much in Rarity’s tow, she merely rolled eyes as childish smile grew on face. In grand atrium I stopped, looking towards ceiling and admiring what West has accomplished. In one of oldest cities, they have kept their building in beautiful condition, in such condition anyone could still look at it twenty years from now and little would change.

                And in admiration, I finally returned gaze to head level. Only to find that I was standing by self in middle of atrium. Crowds passed and the friendly head of purple was nowhere near. Panic was not immediate, but worry was easy to set in. Pulling straps on back tighter, I circled gaze again, trying to find Rarity. In crowd it was difficult to tell colors and I was very much alone.

                As if gift from above, cries of happiness helped direct self. Turning toward direction, there was Rarity spinning in hug with another female, about same height with dark velvet hair. In spinning it was difficult to tell, but it appeared that there was pink stripe in hair. They stopped spin and were talking, but from distance it was only lips moving.

                Approaching, words became a bit clearer, but it was greetings and pleasantries. Seeing my approach, they broke close embrace, but were still close. Easy to notice they were on verge of crying, but in happiness.

                The woman, who I assumed was this Twilight Sparkle, extended hand towards self.  She was few centimeters shorter than Rarity, not as curved, but slender. Her attire made her seem like schoolteacher or businessperson. “Arkady Sakharov,” she spoke with little accent, but was particular to pronounce name correctly. “It is a pleasure to finally meet you. I’ve heard many things about you.”

                “Mrs. Sparkle,” I took her hand in light grip for fear of breaking delicate figure. “I have heard stories of you myself. For long time I thought you were just story.”

                “I can understand that, but um,” She paused, as if trying to find words to not offend. “It’s Ms. Sparkle. I’m not a Mrs.”

                “Well if you keep your nose in those books,” Rarity chimed in. Her tone and inflections in speech, it was easy to tell it was joke, “you won’t find anyone to make you a Mrs.”

                “The books keep me busy,” was Twilight’s response. It was clear that joke was overused, as was response. “Besides, Rarity, my goal is to study as much as I can. Speaking of which,” she dove into handbag, grabbing notepad and pencil. “May I ask you a few questions, Arkady?”

                “Twilight,” Rarity voice sung a bit, as if to hide annoyance. “You’re doing it again.”

                “It is fine, Rarity. What would you like to ask, Ms. Sparkle?”

                “Well, you’re Russian, are you not?”

                “Da.”

                “I just wanted to ask you about Russia. Like, how is it? I’ve been reading about the civil unrest and history of wars. How does that affect you as a person?”

                “There has not been a generation of family that has not served Motherland’s cause.” I paused, letting her scribble notes down. “We are not told to not question what cause is, but now we are starting to question a bit.”

                “But what about future generations, what about them?”

                “They decide their own fate, not I.”

                “Okaaay. Now, what about Russian Culture? How would you describe that, you said that you didn’t question the cause. So would that be a system of honor-“

                “Where the powerful use strength to keep weak in line. There may have been honor long time ago, but now I am not so sure. Now it is three C’s: Snow, vodka, and contradictions.”

                “But that’s only one-” I began to smile as she read over notes again. “Oh.” Both Rarity and I shared a laugh.

                “Oh, Twilight,” Rarity spoke through fits laughter, giving her friend tight embrace. “You haven’t changed a bit, have you?”

                “Still your old bookworm.” Twilight’s voiced a bit strained from Rarity’s squeeze. “Hey, uh, Rarity?”

                “Yes, Twilight?”

                “May I breathe?”

                “Oh!” Rarity was quick to let her friend go, who took few deep breaths. “Sorry, it’s just really good to see you again.”

                “Me too. I’m just happy to see a friend for first time in so very long.”

                “I know,” Rarity’s smile seemed over pronounced, but natural. “Also, how much longer are you here for?”

                “At least a few more months, I could spend a lifetime here and not learn or understand everything.”

                “Well, I’m sure the rest of the girls can’t wait to see you.”

                “As much I like standing in train station reconnecting,” I interjected, breaking friendly conversation. “May we leave?”

                “Oh!” Shock at remembering I was still present shone in Twilight’s face. “Oh, yes of course. I apologize. Would you like to stop and get dinner? So we can talk some more? I would really like to get some notes about the two of you.”

                “Come again?” If I was not quick to notice small blush quickly leave Rarity’s face, I would have assumed she did not hear her.”

                “…About your trip?”

                “Oh, yes of course.” Rarity was quick to laugh off question. “A good reflection over good food would be nice.”

                “Da,” I nodded in agreement, adjusting pack on back. “Food is good.”

                “Excellent,” Twilight leaped in excitement. “I know the perfect little bistro that’s not too far.”

                “Good,” I chuckled lightly. “I have had enough of walking.”

                “Agreed,” was Rarity’s quick response.

                Following closely behind Twilight as we navigated crowd, we exited station onto city block. It was surprising to see amount of people still on streets. Even in cold, large movement of people surprised self. It was one thing to see it in movie, but another to be part of it. Made self think of Moscow, but with less modern, less ads, and less Trabbies. But people were still moving about daily lives, through cold and other hardships. Maybe we were not as different as grandfather thought us to be. Between car horns and mumble of crowd, I caught giggle from Twilight, who was looking at both Rarity and I. Looking at Rarity, I could understand laugh. She and I were both at awe at surroundings. Gazing at little details that normal person may overlook: number on taxi, what fingernail polish color model was wearing in ad, passing comments from street vendor about war. In vastness of information hitting senses, it was wonder people did not go crazy.

                New York, it was epitome of west. What generations of family had fought against. What I was told to subliminally hate. To hate how they exploited common man, how they would sell first born for fame.

                Walking among crowd, if murmur had been Russian, I could close eyes and imagine Tver. Imagine being back home and among own people. Maybe at core we are not so different: People struggling through days with overbearing government above.

                People, idea made self glance to companions. Both of them not of this world and not of our species. Different. Yet, they walk amongst crowd like normal person.  They interacted like normal person would. If it were not for wild hair color, it would be easy to suspect them for normal people. In end, we all may be not so different.

                Bistro opened up world of new smells as door opened. Menu was not difficult to navigate in English, though help was needed identifying ingredients listed for item. Women chose bowl of rabbit food, while I had biggest sandwich on menu. It was not as big as expected, but it was still food. Though bistro’s version of Russian Rye bread was close to expectations.

                Eating mostly in silence, the two women spoke openly about time apart. Though subject was mostly about Twilight’s studies at local university. It surprised self how she was able to take so many classes and over many broad subjects: studies over Classical eras, many musical theories, astronomical studies for example. For someone taking such heavy courses, it was surprising how happy she was. Smile told one story, while dark spots under eyes told another.

                “So Arkady, Rarity,” conversation topic shifted onto self. Twilight already had pen and paper out at ready. “How did the two of you first meet?”

                “I was lost,” Rarity chimed in first. “With it being so cold, I didn’t know what to do. Luckily, Arkady found me and provided shelter for me.”

                I rolled eyes at blatant lie. “Da, I had stumbled upon her for reasons unknown, but few thugs had found her first though. Were going to sell her to highest bidder. Used back of hand to put few bruises on Rarity. They will not be doing business again.”

                “What happened to the thugs?” Twilight looked up from notes, intrigued.

                “They were convinced to stop their ways,” Rarity chimed in again.

                “I shot and killed three armed men.” I thought for moments, not truly thinking of consequences. “Best outcome is if snow has created own grave for them.”

Rarity took self’s shoulder and leaned in, Russian words singing quietly into ear. “I was trying to make you look better. Not like some barbarian.”

                “There is no point in lying to her. She is your friend.”

                She sighed, pulling away from ear.

                Pen slowed, it was easy to tell she was thinking of next question, but she did look self in eyes. Look of innocence in those crystals. I could weep for such innocence. “Do you regret it? Killing them, I mean.”

                This caused moment of reflection at scene in snow. Staring down sights at three men and on bruised Rarity in gully. Smell of gunpowder floated in senses. Looking into Iosif’s eyes in moment of death. “Da, I do. It is thing one cannot forget easily. I gave fair warning. They did not heed warning.”

                “You warned them?”

                “I told them to hand her over to me,” memories of hammer falling and sending bullet into each man’s chest seeped in. “They did not, then they put gun to her head…” I let thought trail off.

                “Oh…” Twilight thought for few moments, letting silence creep into conversation. It was easy to tell Rarity had difficulty looking her friend. “Anyway, how difficult was the trip to New York?”

                “I think I may never eat beans again,” Rarity smiled lightly, thankful of subject change.

                “Is that all you ate on your trip?” Twilight raised eyebrow at notion.

                “It is all I could get her to eat after taste of spam.” I laughed lightly. “You should have seen face.”

                “Bleh,” Rarity shook in disgust. “Don’t remind me, I’ll probably still have nightmares about it.”

                Twilight giggled to herself as she wrote notes.

                “You still ate it.”

                “You could’ve told me what it was first.”

                “I did. And you wanted to try.”

                “It was either that or beans.”

                “Yet, you still blame self.”

                “So,” Twilight interrupted argument, trying to hold off laughter. “I assumed you didn’t walk all the way from Russia?”

                “We’d still be walking, and I am also not good swimmer.” This brought laughter from everyone.

                “But,” Rarity started. “Arkady had an old friend-“

                “Nestor Kozlov.”

                “Yes,” Rarity smiled at remembrance. “He was a very kind man. Had a good sense of humor, unlike Arkady.” I was close to interrupting but could only smile, for she was right. “Mr. Kozlov was caring and he helped us get across the Pacific into Alaska. He provided transport, passports, and money to help us along further. It was sad to see him go, but I was glad to have met him.”

                I took deep breath, giving time to think of proper words to describe old friend. “He’s a good man, I helped him through tough situation, and he helped self through mine. Words do not do justice to such man as he.”

                Twilight merely hummed, letting us know she was still paying attention. “So, You got to Alaska. Then from there?”

                “An associate of Nestor’s”

                “Sergei was his name,” Rarity added.

                “Da, Sergei. The Drinking Pilot. Who declared many times when he was drinking, if he could hold onto blade of grass and not fall of face of Earth, he was not drunk.”  

                “He, like many of Arakdy’s friends,” Rarity continued to add.

                “I would not call them friends.”

                “People that Arkady knew, better?”

                “Da.”

                “Anyway, they were quite the characters, each having their own little weird quirks, but they were lively and interesting to be around.”

                “Such being said,” I interrupted. “Sergei flew us to Alaskan border, Skagway, actually. From there we walked to Prince Rupert. With weather and Rarity’s incessant complaints-“

                “Hey! I did not complain that much!”

                Continue as if without interruption, but now with smile. “We were able to make journey in weeks time.”

                Twilight chewed on pen for few seconds, “I assumed you didn’t walk from Prince Rupert.”

                “Oh my stars, no! We took the train.” Rarity was quick to exclaim. “That would’ve taken forever!”

                “Better part of year,” I corrected. “We would make better time in spring thaw, but would’ve drastically drained resources quicker. More prone to sickness and injuries.”

                “I see,” Twilight mumbled through scribbles. “And now you’re here. You’ve made one long, story telling trip.”

                Rarity and self were both quiet for few seconds contemplating past months spent together. Rarity was first to speak, “I believe so.”

                I remained quiet, finishing food, trying to fully grasp situation. And I could not. It was too vast to even touch, much less, grasp what has happened. I had saved creature from beyond my Earth, beyond self’s realm of thought. There was more out in space than we people on Earth. Yet, I have not faltered under such thought. I trusted all was true, to point, and took leap of faith for journey. I believed there were beings outside planet that existed as talking, magical colorful, horses. I wondered if I was crazy one.

                We exited bistro as sun was falling under horizon, following Twilight to her home. Another walk through crowd and through thought. The women talked idly about this or that. Small amount of getting to know what has happened to each other during time apart. And idly, I did not listen, but merely followed.

Her flat was bit of walk from bistro, up few flights of stairs, unlocking her door was like entering new world. Books and papers were scattered everywhere. Notes tacked to walls with different colored strings connected different notes across wall. Bags under eyes did not tell long enough story.

“My goodness, Twilight,” Rarity seemed shocked, but to point. We set packs down near door. “Is this what happens when Spike isn’t here to clean up after you?” The name Spike sounded like dog, and if dog could clean up after self, that would be one hell of dog. But I did not ask question.

“I was connecting some biology and history the other day and I forgot to clean up, but cleaning is definitely on my to-do list...” Twilight smiled bashfully. “…for tomorrow. She made way to fridge. “Would any of you like a glass of wine? I bought some the other day. I read that’s how people here celebrate things.”         

I chuckled a bit, “One of many ways, but da, I will have glass.”

“I as well, please.”

“Wonderful.” Twilight’s actions were bit slow for finding glasses. When trying to open bottle, I had to intervene for fear of Twilight letting go of bottle and having it fly across room. Bottle opened with pop and was quickly poured into glasses.

“Shall we do a toast? I’ve also read that people here do that too, in times of celebration,” Twilight was quick to express book knowledge, and made self smile. The naïve and innocence of her made heart hurt for such times. “You should toast to the occasion.”

“Yes,” Rarity’s agreement was quick, as she turned and smiled to self. “What do we toast to today, Arkady?”

Looking at glass and the swirling purple drink inside of it, I had to think about everything that got self here. From first rifle shot, carrying Rarity on back and nursing back to health, to lessons on culture and bear attack, to trip across ocean and time stuck in cabin, to flights and walks in Alaska, to our first real meal in long time, and to now raising glass to all things accomplished. It is difficult to sum up journey of lifetime in fewest words possible.

“In past months, I have made choices to change life. To save life, and to deliver life back home. I have fulfilled commitment that I would do again in heartbeat. But,” I lifted glass high, “this should be for friendships we keep, and the journeys we must still make.”

                “Cheers.”

                Glasses were touched and clink vibrated with clarity through quiet room. The wine was slowly drunk in silence. No one wished to speak more, but simply wished to enjoy each other’s company for time being. Silence continued to envelope room. Barely breathing and drinking made noise. Even when glasses were finished, no one said word.

                “I suppose party is over,” I finally admitted. “But no one wishes to say it.” The women merely nodded in agreement.

                “I’ll get things ready,” Twilight weakly said, moving out of kitchen. She started to clear books off floor and make open spot.

                Rarity turned to self slowly, but could not look up at face. “This is it then. I’ll be going back home.”

                “Da, I kept my promise. I made sure you got back to Twilight, safe.” It was difficult to look at her.

                “I just have one question,” Rarity raised head slightly, but failing to look at self’s face. “Will you come with me?”

                Eventually, I had to answer question. Even if I did not want to, yet I still had to answer. “I am sorry, but I cannot.”

                Rarity took deep breath in, stuttering few times. “Why… why not?”

                “Where you go, I cannot follow.” I said words, trying to believe them more than ever. “It was job to get you home and I have done such.”

                “I-I thought you wanted nothing to do with this world?” She looked more down, voice faltering. “You said that.” Voice was like whimper.

                “I did. But, I was given new look on life. As have you.” I took deep breath, trying to regain small amount of composure. “I want to see if I could do something about such.”

                She finally looked up, face red, eyes struggling to remain in contact with tears flowing. “But what if you’re wrong?”

                “I can try,” I was helpless staring into eyes, same puppy dog eyes that have plagued me for some time now. The same eyes that wished for change and wished for action. “One moment.” Breaking contact, I walked back to where packs were and grabbed hers. Handing over pack, she took it, but eyes returned to ground. “You earned it. You keep it.”

                “Y-you earned something too.” Her voice fluttered, but breath helped stabilize for few seconds. “I was never sure when to give it to you.” She reached for my hand, opening it and put small piece of cloth in it. Small handkerchief was white with three blue gems on it. “Just… just something small to remember me by. And…” She leaned up and planted peck on cheek. She paused few seconds with contact before breaking it, remaining centimeters away from face. “Promise… promise me this,” her voice singing softly into ear. “Don’t, just don’t drink me away.” She moved slowly away, keeping head bowed. Voice struggling to find words, but voice remained silent.



                Her voice struggled to say anything through soft sobs so she merely nodded.  Twilight lead her over to clean spot on floor. There she stood in midst of chaos of books. Standing tall with pack on back, somber smile on face. Her purple-black hair splayed over face, hiding red eyes. Her body shaking lightly in quiet sobs. Taking deep breath, she moved hair out of face.

                “Ready, Twilight.”

                Twilight merely nodded, before both women’s forehead started lighting up. It was merely small amount of light in room, slowly growing. There in middle of light stood Rarity. Trying to stand tall, looking self straight into eyes. Her eyes gleaming with tears, as she moved hair out of face one last time.

“Till we meet again, Arkady.”

Watching her slowly be encompassed in light was difficult sight to watch. Having spent months alone with, be close, relying on her for support, as she did with self. Every moment, every word, every regret start to play out in front of self. I stood strong, like good Russian I was. Never showing fear, never showing ounce of fear.

Never showing how truly wounded beast was.

“Goodbye, Rarity.”

It was all I could manage to say as she slowly disappeared before eyes in great ball of light. Gone completely. And all self could do was say goodbye. All that remained now was silence. An eerie soul harming silence that seemed to condemn self’s life to emptiness now.

Silence is all that was left.

“I will never see her again, will I?” It was open question that I did not expect answer. The answer I already knew.

“I…I don’t know,” Twilight’s voice for first time sounded unsure. “But, I don’t think so.
Silence continued as I stared at spot where Rarity once stood. Where light grew in such large intensity. Where light caused voice to disappear. Where light caused regret.

Silence.

“You can stay here for a while if you need to.” Twilight’s voice broke silence. Staring at circle that broke chaos of books, I had forgotten where self was. But silence was all that was there.

Hand was placed softly on shoulder, “Arkady?”

“I should go.” Making way to door, I put pack on back, its weight natural on shoulders. Quick jump to properly adjust pack’s straps and pack was one with back.

“Arkady, stop… please.” Twilight’s voice pleaded.

With sigh, I took hand off door handle and turned around. Presented to me was envelope, half smile was on Twilight’s face. Tears were wiped away a while ago, but streaks still remained, along with red in face. “Princess Celestia wanted you to have this.”

Taking envelope and opening it revealed small bit of currency, at least thousand US dollars. More searching uncovered small note.
 
Great Acts of Generosity Shall Always be Rewarded, Even if They Do Not Begin to Fully Pay Back Such Generosity.
-Princess Celestia
 
Note caused small smile and half chuckle. “Thank you,” was words softly spoken before turning back around to door. Door opened with little resistance, and I stood in doorway for some time.

“Are you sure there isn’t anything I can do for you?”

“No. Goodbye, Ms. Sparkle.”

“Good luck, Arkady Sahkarov.”

From there, I started walking. To where? I do not know. Just walked in silence. Amongst late night crowd who would ask not questions. Who would not stare in curiosity. Who would not care how I arrived or how I would leave such place.

Purgatory felt like right word for moment. I do not know where I was going. I had no goal. Goal before everything was survive. Goal few days ago was to make sure Rarity got home. Now goal was complete and there was nothing else left for self. I did say I was to change world, at least change something. I do not know where, but I had made promise. I had to keep it.

Feet that had carried self halfway across planet now carried self to bar. Out of all places it could carry self, it seemed it was appropriate. Door opened to stereotypical American bar: alcohol ads in neon lights, women barely covered by clothes in alcohol ads, and tobacco ads of similar variety. And small crowd would help self blend in.

Quiet, vacant area at end of bar seemed appropriate. Setting pack at feet and finding spot on stool, it did not take long for bartender to approach.

“Hey there,” the man behind bar starts. His gray balding head speaks of age as his round center speaks of habits. “Where you blow in from?”

His cool nature brings half smile to face, “You would not believe self if I told you.”

“I’ve heard some far-fetched tales in my life. Hit me.”

“Russia.”

“The good ole Motherland, is that so, Ivan?” He chuckles.

“Arkady.”

“Bill,” He extends hand out to self, which I give healthy shake.

“It is small walk, nyet?”

We both laugh at comment. “That and a swim?”

“Da, that and swim.” I nod for few seconds.

“So, what’s brings you to the states, Arkady? Come trying to overthrow capitalism?”

I chuckled lightly to self, shaking head. “Not today.” Taking deep breath, I hope to approach situation with right words. “Had to make sure friend got home safe.”

“All the way from Russia?”

“Da…Da…”

The lull in conversation is loud, Bill does quick sweep of bar with eyes, “Can you hold for a second? ‘Cause I’d like to hear this story.”

“Da,” I nod.

Bill swiftly moves to other end of bar where man had just sat down. Way man and Bill talk is like old friends. Smile and laugh ever few words. But look of man make him look older than the graying on other side of bar top. With cheeks sunk in, ghostly thousand yard stare. I wondered for moment if had held such look long time ago. From distance, it is easy to see necklace of identity tags and close haircut identifying a military member. Clothes seem to hang on him. Conversation is short, and man walks away with beer and shot of something.

“Sorry about that,” Bill apologizes when he returns. “So, what can I get you to start off this story?”

“Water is fine.”

“Water?”

“Da, water.”

Bill seems surprised by requested, but shrugs. “I suppose there’s a first for everything. A Russian not asking for vodka is a first for me.” He quickly produces glass of water and sets it in front of me.

“Da,” I took glass in hand and let cool liquid slid down. Setting glass back down, I let out sigh. “It is only because I just wish to remember story.”