//------------------------------//
// A Dog and A Pony Show 
// Story: Spike's Journal 
// by WorkingClassWriter 
//------------------------------//

Spike's Journal

Written by The39Ponies

Edited by cwiis

A Dog And A Pony Show
Dear Diary,

I finally have something positive to say about Rarity again. You see, after Hoity Toity gave her a good review (and I mean a really good review) in Horse Life, she's been getting an increase in orders. In fact, last Wednesday, Sapphire Shores (some singer or something) ordered five dresses from her. The problem? She wanted them completely decked out with jewels. Of course, I volunteered to help Rarity find the gems.

The next day, we set off to the outskirts of Ponyville Mine. Since Rarity has this cool gem-finding spell, actually finding the gems was pretty easy. And digging them up wasn't too hard either. The only thing that ticked me off was that I couldn't eat any of them. Well, at least I got to spend time with Rarity.

Unfortunately, fate doesn't seem to like me being with her for more than twenty minutes. At what I think was 3 PM, some dogs leaped out from the bushes. And not cute dogs like Winona. Big, talking dogs. And boy, did they smell bad. Their looks weren't that good either.

They were called the Diamond Dogs (are they trying to rip off David Hoofie or something?), and they wanted to kidnap Rarity for some reason. At first, I tried to defend her, but the dogs were too strong. After a bit of fighting, she got dragged out in the abyss. After my big "NOOOOO!" (hey, why does Daring Do get to have all the fun?), I ran back to Ponyville and told Twilight and friends what happened.

At least I managed to tell them that Rarity was in trouble. I think I shouted something like "Rarity! Dogs! Mine outskirts! DANGER! Diamonds! Gems! TV Tropes! Banana! Potatoooooo!" (Don't ask me where I got the last three from, I was a bit panicked at the time.)

After spending a few minutes inhaling into a paper bag, I managed to tell them the full story. Still, I was on the verge of a heart attack. The verge continued when we realized that the dogs dug lots of holes to confuse us.

Huh, come to think of it, the dogs are shameless ripoffs. First David Hoofie's songs, then the Emperor's death pits. And by the time we managed to get underground (this involved sacrificing gems and almost kissing Applejack), we were all messed up. To make matters worse, the dogs had dug several tunnels. Now, they're combining the moon and Maredor. Plus, I think there was some sort of scent or something that made me do the "NOOOOO!" shout again.

Fortunately, Twilight was able to copy Rarity's gem spell. We guessed that the path to the dungeon was the tunnel with the most gems. And by the state of our surroundings, we seemed to have guessed right.

Since I was pretty sure that Rarity would be rescued easily, I began to think about what I would say to her when I rescued her. All in all, I decided to reference the Lone Pony Ranger. (And before you tell me that I was copying the dogs, let me tell you that rip-offs and allusions are two different things.)

Unfortunately, near the end of the tunnel, some dogs spotted us. However, thanks to the power of allusions, Applejack managed to toss the dogs off us. When we reached the dungeon door, I grabbed a rock mistletoe (or whatever it was) and shouted "Hi-ho, Twilight! Away!".

Twilight wasn't the least bit happy with this, but after a bit of begging, she agreed to play along. Well, not completely. At this point, I wanted to buy a cowboy costume, get a Trottingham accent, and equip a hoofsaber or a gun (whichever looked better). But there wasn't any time for any of that.

So when we got to the dungeon gates, we found... the Diamond Dogs moaning and shivering in a huddle? Turns out that Rarity had fooled them or something. Still, she did mention later that she was impressed by my performance.

We had gotten more than enough gems (at least half a year's supply) to make the dresses. But still, I couldn't have more than around ten. Well, guess I'll just have to stick to hay fries for a while.

Today, I learned that rip-offs stink and allusions rule. Also, Winona and Hoofy Doo are the only decent dogs in Equestria.

-Spike