//------------------------------//
// Chapter 10 - Shit Goes Into Overdrive 
// Story: Nicolas Cage In Ponyville - Friendship Is Compulsory 
// by HelmOfDismay 
//------------------------------//

----Chapter Ten, Shit Goes Into Overdrive----

Nicolas woke up and threw his eyes wide open, only to be blinded by the bright sun. Much like the chastisement of an overly keen petunia entering photosynthesis, only to be burned by napalm dropped by the Swedish in their long fight against plantlife. Nicolas blinked thrice like a suicidal epileptic, and stood up. A note had been pinned to his leather jacket. (I won’t dwell on pony anatomy but this bit was a bit of a stretch)

He unpinned the note and looked blankly at it. Of course he did, it’s Nicolas Cage. It looked to have been draw in crayon by a thirty seven year old Frenchman living in his mums house in Dorset, whose mental state was more than questionable and his selection of colours ill-advised. Nicolas studied the note, carefully picking out the coherent words and using context to work out the rest. ‘You are asleep, we’re off to get elements.’ Nicolas screwed up the note and threw it over his shoulder. He sighed and looked around for something to do, ultimately settling on tying his shoelaces.

When Nicolas was satisfied that his shoes had been properly tied, he stood up. The first thing he noticed was that Canterlot was significantly more ‘flamey’ than he remembered, but then again that Princess Celestia did seem a bit ‘off’, the kind of ‘off’ that means will do a school shooting. The second thing he noticed was that he was quickly being surrounded by Nicolas Cage. It occurred to Nic that this was somewhat unusual.

The Nicolas Cage from The Wicker Man walked from the crowd and slowly drew his gun.
Nicolas stood at his full height and said simply,
“I remember you, Edward Malaus, and I think you should know,” Malaus lifted his revolver to shoot, “ The pagan’s took your bullets!” Nicolas ran at the policeman and revelled in the ‘empty’ clicks the gun made. Nicolas uppercutted his foe into a beehive that happened to be nearby.
The swarm dug into the poor acting role, who yelled ‘Not the bees!’ and screamed at length about their tendency to be ‘In his eyes’. Nic corrected his leather jacket and smirked, he turned to the crowd.

“This is murder, you’ll all be guilty and you’re doing it for nothing.” He calmly announced. 
Rick Sontaro and Peter Lowe shot each other looks of doubt, “It’s all too late!” yelled the latter.
Nicolas clotheslined Peter and continued to walk forward at the same pace. 
“You’ve come up snake eyes!” Sontaro screamed and charged to meet Nicolas but as a well-trained actor, Nic was able to perform a perfect roundhouse to Rick’s face.

Randall ‘Memphis’ Raines high-fived Eddie from Deadfall and they both let out batshit screams; Nicolas let out the loudest scream of any of his films, the Ghost Rider transformation sequence. Nicolas Cage is a method actor and that is why he was able to call upon the spirit of the Ghost Rider in this moment of turmoil. His flaming chains tore through the remaining changelings like Clingfilm – it is unknown what Eva Mendes felt about this. Nicolas through the chain around his torso as the flames left him. He strode towards the castle where the ponies, elements and changelings would be.