//------------------------------// // A Shocking Revelation // Story: Facts about ponies // by BeardedRedMane //------------------------------// Alright, where to begin… Ah, that’s right! An introduction. My name is… Hah, well y’know I bet you don’t even give a damn what my name is. In fact, I think I’ll give myself a new name. I mean it’s not like I need to use my real name anymore, not like I’m a U.S. citizen—hell not like I’m a denizen of planet Earth anymore. But hey, getting ahead of myself, we need a name, Anonymous. Yeah that’s good, but since it’s a bit long to say you can just call me Anon. Now first off I’d like to say that I’m tall, 6’2 to be exact, so I’m used to looking down on people. Ironic given my current situation. Next I’d like to tell you something that only the internet knows about me. I’m a brony. That’s right, I fucking love ponies and I really don’t even know why. I mean I’ve asked fellow bronies this question and they usually either give me some sap story about hitting a low point in their life and then finding this show and things just magically getting better for them. That’s not me, not in the least. I think I’m just a really really big pervert that likes anything that fits the description of cute and adorable. I blame Japan subculture and the moe phenomenon. Anyway, how messed up I am doesn’t matter because for this thing I’m about to tell you half of you won’t believe and the other half will want to gut me in envy. What could this little bit of information be? Perhaps I blackmailed Tara Strong to send me a tape of her Twilight Sparkle voice moaning my name? Heh… That would be great but no, get this: I somehow ended up in Equestria. I shit you not, the real deal man, fucking friendship, magic and ponies everywhere. Like a dream come true, right? Wrong. Whoa, whoa. Before you lynch me for heresy, let me at least try to defend myself. I know what you’re thinking, “Bro please. You’re a Brony. You’re in Equestria. You’d better start smiling and praising the sun before we gut your ass.” But back up for a second, what if I told you we were wrong. I mean completely and utterly wrong. Wrong about what you say? Perhaps the mane six have different voices than their actors? Nope. Then perhaps they look more like an actual horse than they do in the show? Nope, definitely still the same adorable ponies as before. So what was wrong? Well to tell you that I’ll start off with the day Fluttershy saved me and flew me back to her home. • • • Slowly my consciousness came back to me, smell was the first sense that returned to me. I was breathing in the cleanest air I had ever breathed in my life with a hint of earth to it, not a musty smell but more of a pleasant fresh grass and sunshine kind of smell. Next was the sound of my heart steadily beating, I couldn’t figure out why but it seemed as if it was a relief that I was alive. Ugh, iron. A heavy taste of iron filled my mouth like I had decided it was a good idea to suck on a metal bar. Opening my eye’s my vision was completely obscured by white bandages. And finally the last sense to come to me was feeling. As I tried to move my arm to my face thousands of nerves sprang back to life shooting signals of pain throughout my entire body. My entire body convulsed in ridged spasms and my ears were filled with the sound of screaming, as if some poor soul was being tortured. Along with it violent images of mythical beasts and an endless forest. It seemed like ages, maybe it was only a few seconds but in the next moment a soft yet somehow familiar voice pierced the screams urging me to lay still. I felt a delicate touch over my body and surprisingly enough the convulsions and screams stopped as I settled down and my consciousness’ faded into black. Day’s passed like this, each more progressively painful than the last, with the pain peaking on the third day. Day and night was filled with nothing but agony and nightmares until the fourth day when the pain finally began dying down. All the while the same gentle and familiar voice nursing me back to health. My mind grew clearer and by what was probably the 6th day that while I was being nursed by this stranger I was able to utter three simple words. “Where….am.. I?” “Shhh… You poor thing, you shouldn’t be talking yet.” came a gentle yet stern voice. “You were hurt so badly that I---“ her voice cracked a little in genuine distress and it actually sent a twinge of sadness in my heart. Some stranger I didn’t even know had this much worry for me. I thought at that moment that I really wanted to get better and thank her properly. The days passed with this person nursing me, sometimes there were other voices, that too sounded vaguely familiar but due to my condition I was hardly able to talk to them let alone stay conscious. Finally though I was strong enough to sit up and move around. Even talk. So far it had been one sided conversations to this person who apparently really liked animals, kinda reminded me of what Fluttershy might be like if she were real. Laughing off that thought I decided that today was the day I wanted to remove my bandages and greet the one who saved me with my own eyes. So when I first awoke early in the morning I carefully removed the bandages from my face and sat with my eyes closed and face towards the window. When the time had finally come and I heard her entering I could hardly contain my excitement. Slowly I turned my head to her general direction, smiled and opened my eyes. Or I thought I opened my eyes, certainly they were open and seeing but there was no way this was real. So I decided to shut them again before opening them. Still the same… Again I closed only to open them to the same scene. This had to be some kind of funny joke. Someone had found out about my pony fetish and decided to make a Fluttershy suit to greet me in. Except they apparently didn’t know the most obvious thing about ponies. They were supposed to be around half the size of a human, not 6ft tall. The world turned black and my consciousness faded. • • • A few hours later I awoke mentally but refused to open my eyes, instead determined to replay the events I could remember up until this moment in my mind. I remember a forest, like an impossibly large one that had no way out no matter how hard I searched. I don’t really remember how long I was there but I remember the fear I felt day and night as I hid from impossible monsters that only seemed to exist in some fantasy world. No… Not some fantasy world… But a specific one. I remember it now, when I had the thought, “Holy shit, I’m in Equestria, sweet!” or at least it would be if I wasn’t in the Everfree forest. Fucking Everfree…Next thing I remember was fighting a giant Timber Wolf, like the size of the one episode Spike at Your Service. Great episode. I don’t know how long I fought that thing—not that it could be called a fight, more like me throwing rocks at it and getting my ass handed to me. Finally landed a deciding blow on me that sent me flying into a tree head first painting the world black. The next thing I remembered was seeing tree tops racing across the ground and feeling the wind in my face. So… I’m in Equestria. I got my ass handed to me by a Great Timberwolf and I was saved by Fluttershy…All that was fine and dandy except for one thing. I opened my eyes to a worried looking Fluttershy. WHY THE HELL IS SHE SO GOD DAMN BIG? “A..are you alright?” came her sweeter than honey voice. Why yes, of course I am Fluttershy, I’m in Equestria and was nursed back to health by a shy and pretty pony. Are you alright? Cause it looks like you’ve had enough growth hormone to kill you. “Y…eah. I was just really surprised by you.” Her head dipped to the side in the cutest little motion of inner thought before she graced me with her voice again. “Oh, I’m sorry, but why would I surprise you?” Cause you’re fucking gigantic? Why are you that big? What happened to my small huggable Fluttershy? I mean, you’re big enough to ride and not in the way I’d enjoy. What do I even say? Hi my names Anon, I come from a reality where you’re a little girls t.v. show. Never mind why I watch it, you should be half my size. “Well, I… I’ve never seen a talking pony before, not to mention one as tall as you.” I could see her cheeks flush red and damn it had she been the right size I’d have taken her in one arm and brought her close. “Well, I was the tallest in my class for a while.” She smiled weakly. Man… This is going to be a long day.