Spike's Journal
Written by The39Ponies
Edited by cwiis

Guess what? Somepony borrowed a book from the forbidden section of the library, aka "Supernatural Fantasy". According to the previous librarian, nopony has borrowed from there in more than thirty years. Well, Mr. Dustball tried to, once, but he wasn't strong enough to carry the book he wanted, and he stayed there until The Great Dust Bunny Invasion (wherein Twilight practically swept the whole library).

The book was called "Ghosts and Goblins". Guess who borrowed it? Of course, it was the Cutie Mark Crusaders. I mean, those fillies never give up. Just a few days ago, they tried a cutie mark for making book pyramids. In the main room of the library. Needless to say, the end result took me hours to clean up.

At first, I wasn't sure how to react until we got an invitation to the Ponyville Talent Contest. I declined to go. After all, it was obvious what was going to happen. Y'know, lousy (not to mention loud) performances? Fortunately, I had to go to Canterlot for errands, so at least I had a good excuse for declining.

Meanwhile, in a nearby plateau...

The Official Cutie Mark Crusaders Meeting Record Book

Transcribed by Apple Bloom Hope Apple
Comments by Sweetie Lillian Belle
Arguments and all other stuff by Scootaloo K. Hill

Record 3: How We Joined A Talent Show, And Thus, How We Became Unintentional Comedians
Monday, June 20th, 9 PM, Some Plateau Near Scootaloo's House

...Well, ya have to admit this isn't so bad.
True, but there are probably bugs all around this place!
It's not my fault my house is in the clouds!
Just like yer head is?
Hey!
...Whoops, sorry.
It's cool. I'm gonna go get some water, okay?
'Kay. Anyhoo, Applejack had a surprise for us last Saturday, which turned out to be a rickety old clubhouse. Fortunately, I was able to fix it with my genius skills.
Sure.
Anyway, after that, we decided to do some crusading. Sadly, we didn't succeed in any of our attempts. At our last stop, Golden Oaks Library, Twilight arrived with Ms. Cheerilee just as we decided book pyramids weren't our thing. Fortunately, our teacher kept Twilight from blowing a fuse. Turns out Ms. Cheerilee was here to tell us that there was an upcoming talent competition! Naturally, we decided we'd give it a shot. I was the choreographer thanks to my kung-fu skills, Sweetie Belle was the set designer, and Scootaloo was--
-the lead singer and composer! Back in eleven sentences flat!
Great. Just great. So, after gathering our materials, we did our jobs. Well, for some reason, we had a hard time actually performing them.
Told you we should have included spaceships in our set, Sweetie Belle.
I'm the artist, and I include what I want to include. And I put Mount Doom instead of spaceships because I wanted to. So that's that.
Yeah. A true Hoofkienknight. Mount Doom indeed.
One does not simply insult a great series.
Au contrarie, mon piet pony! Harmony of the Rings sucks!
YOU SHALL NOT GET AWAY WITH THAT REMARK!
*sigh* I just had to get a Trekkie and a Hoofkienknight for best friends. Guys, can you ever stop arguing?
Scootaloo, will you stop making fun of stuff I like?
Promise.
Thank Celestia. Anyway, we helped each other out in our respective jobs. So, by the day of the talent show, we were ready to put on the best performance ever. Well, when it was our turn to go up, at least. Snips and Snails were up doing magic tricks.
All of which sucked.
...that doesn't sound like a full argument, y'know?
Yer fault for not writing it first. After Snips and Snails, Twist did complex mathematical problems for the crowd.
Wasn't she supposed to cook peppermint or something? What happened?
Er, Winona sort of ate the peppermints. After her, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon distilled perfume.
I thought it was skunk saliva or something.
Let's compromise. Skunk saliva scented perfume.
Charming.
Finally, a decent act came when Sunny Days and Peachy Pie did a poem about roller skates while rollerskating. Still, we were going to be even better!
I still can't understand why Ms. Twilight and our sisters looked worried, though.
Probably because of the stench. And Rainbow Dash isn't my sister. She's related to my stepcousin by marriage or something like that.
Well then.
The play, guys? Well, we were going smoothly at first, but I somehow managed to get my leg stuck in Mount Doom.
I could have just carried you, you know. Like what really happened.
So my hoof would have been bitten off by some unknown creature?
Uh, no.
Besides, nothing must stop the show!
Well, we didn't let anything stop the show. Then, the props collapsed and the fan broke. And everypony laughed at us. Heartbroken, we went backstage...
...and began our epic journey eastward.
I thought we stayed back there and waited.
Sweetie's right. You can't just make stuff up!
Ugh, fine...
We were scared that we'd be laughed at again when we were called out, but turns out that we won for Comedy! Heck, maybe that's our special talent! How can we practice comedy...?
I have an idea!
Guys, shouldn't this be in the Brainstorm section of the notebook?
Well, yeah, but I have a great idea. What if we went to the town mine outskirts and left a note saying "What you are seeking will come on Thursday at exactly 3 PM?" Then they'll think it's true!
...That doesn't even make any sense.
Bah. I'm still doing it anyway.
Yer choice. So, I guess it's nearly bedtime. Remember what we learned last entry?
Yeah, but... what did we learn today?
Well, first of all, our talent might be comedy. Second, you can only win if you have someone with food in their name in your group.
Wait, you're saying we only won because of you?
In the words of my brother, "eeyup".
But Snips and Snails won Best Magic Performer, and they don't have foods in their names!
Well, snails can be food if you're that desperate.
Eeeeeew.
Hey, it's like you two are in sync!
Huh, I guess we are. So, let's celebrate by... finishing the entry, I suppose.
Are you kidding me?! We say the exact same thing, and... wait, the exact same thing? Can you buy me a soda or something? We need to remove the jinx.
Scoots.
Ugh, fine. I get it, you're tired.
Well, bye. Rarity and Applejack are waiting for us over at Sugarcube Corner.
See ya. Now to end the entry... hold on a second! Did they just entrust the club notebook to me? They actually believed in me!

Transcript ends here, although there was what appeared to be a wet spot at the bottom of the page, most likely caused by tears of joy.

Hey, can we postpone the visit to Appleoosa by one week? Ah'm mighty sorry, but Apple Bloom is... well, depressed. She kind of lost her club notebook or something. Those lil' fillies just can't wait to get their cutie marks, can they? Ah understand that ya need that tree as soon as possible, but she's refusing to eat. Guess Bloomberg'll have to wait. Think we can put him south of your town? Sure, there's some migration paths, but Ah don't think there are any more inhabitants there.

Spike's Journal

by WorkingClassWriter

The Show Stoppers