The new advertisement, which shows the pink mare annoying her friends to death
Pinkie Pie to Star in New Anti-Drug Advertisement
The new advertisement, which shows the pink mare annoying her friends to death
PONYVILLE—The Equestrian Meth Project announced on Tuesday that it had found a new face for its well-known advertisements against the drug methamphetamine.
Straight-Edge, a spokesstallion for the group, explained at a press conference why exactly the group had picked Pinkie Pie, who in reality has never done anything stronger than a cup of coffee, for its “Not Even Once” ads.
“Well, we’ve tried over the years to convince everyone to not use crystal meth. We’ve shown how if you even use the drug one time, your life is basically ruined and you’ll end up ugly and homeless and your family will quit loving you, no exceptions. We’ve shown the rotten teeth, blisters, and broken families, but ponies still use the drug. So we asked ourselves, why? It certainly isn’t because meth is addictive or anything, it surely must have been something wrong with our ads,” Straight-Edge said.
“Eventually, we found out that this is because there was one side effect of meth that our ads had never shown before. It’s the worst side effect of all: meth makes you into an annoying, paranoid, non-stop blabbermouth who nopony can stand to be around for even five seconds. So we made an ad with Pinkie Pie and got the most positive results from our focus group that we’d ever seen,” Straight-Edge concluded.
An advanced copy of the television ad was released to the press. In the ad, the pink mare can be seen talking nonstop to a group of friends.
“Do you remember that one time that I threw a BIG party yeah I loved that party because it was the best party of all the parties that I ever threw because there was cotton candy and streamers and balloons and there were like a million ponies over at my house but then Mr. and Mrs. Cake came home and said that I need to quit throwing all of these parties so then I said no and they grounded me for a week and then—TWITCHY TAIL!”
Pinkie Pie then ducks out of the way of a nonexistent falling object and cowers in the corner.
“Pinkie, maybe we can hang out with you again when you get a life,” one of the ponies in her group of friends says. The other two friends concur and they walk out the door. The logo of the Equestrian Meth Project then appears on the screen with the familiar caption, “Meth. Not even once.”
We interviewed Pinkie Pie about her experience with filming the ad.
“It was super-duper fun. I've never done any drugs before, so I didn't know how to act. But they didn’t even give me a script or anything. They just said, ‘just be yourself, and that’s our ad.’ So that’s what I did,” Pinkie said.
Straight-Edge confirmed that the new ads would run alongside the old, gross ones. When our reporters asked Straight-Edge whether or not he felt comfortable with his group’s shameless scare tactics and the thousands of little foals who have undoubtedly been given nightmares from his group’s disgusting, repulsive ads, he simply commented, “That’s never stopped us before.” Ω