As the Princess sat down in a chair tucked off to the side near the open curtain, Fuyu tried to prioritize the burning thoughts in her head. Ever the immediate pragmatist, she went with the nearest question first. “Why didn't I detect your magic?” she asked, standing next to the railing and looking back.
“Probably because of...” she paused, snapping the fingers on her left hand. Two white, angelic wings sprouted from her shoulders, which she dismissed after a moment. “The two types usually cancel each other out, leaving those that can do neither. That's why there are only three of us: Luna and I, and my niece, Mi Amore Cadenza.”
“Okay.” With that dealt with, she began wrangling with everything else. It was a heavy weight, and she too had to sit down, although she chose the blue carpet as her chair. “Why have you been talking to me? Do I know you from before I can remember?”
“That's one way of putting it,” Celestia nodded, gripping the armrests of her seat. “My sister and I built you.”
Fuyu slumped over even further; hearing it from the figure of the Princess was one thing, but hearing it again from the woman herself was entirely different. “You kept telling me to kill Twilight after I took the amulet,” she said, looking up. Her voice was raspy. “Why? She adores you.”
“Before I answer, let me turn that voice off. You don't need it any longer.” Celestia stood and walked over, placing the palm of her left hand on Fuyu's forehead. The golden crystal on her flesh was as warm and inviting as the sun, and like that star it burned away the white fog in Fuyu's mind. The figure, too melted into nothing, and by the time the Princess withdrew her hand and sat again, the whole of the pale woman's consciousness was a gaping, black void. “There. It should be a little quieter from now on.”
“How did you...” Fuyu rubbed at her skull, trying to scratch the abyss within as if it were an itch. Automatically, her thoughts expanded to try and fill the gap. “Answer my question.”
“There is some backstory you need first.” Celestia rose again, wandering to the railing and looking down. Below was her faithful student, chatting happily with Fluttershy and Rarity. “When Twilight was young, her parents submitted an application for her enrollment in the Canterlot Academy. The process includes a practical magic applications test.” A powerful frown yanked at her lips. She turned away from the railing and went back to her chair. “I've never seen a girl so nervous before. She put so much pressure on herself to succeed, and when she kept failing, she panicked. That's when it happened.”
“What happened?” Fuyu urged her, desperate for something to analyze. “What did she do?”
The Princess reached up and shed her golden crown, setting it on the floor in front of her white boots. “She began transmuting matter. She turned her parents into potted plants, for instance. I had to intervene and stop her.”
“I thought such things were impossible.” Fuyu blinked at something in her head, then looked up at Celestia. “Is that why her spark was different from all the others I felt?”
She nodded gently. “Yes. We didn't want you to activate for just anyone that had the power. We needed you to be ready for her.”
“I don't understand. Twilight is very friendly, she wouldn't hurt anyone.” The pale woman rose to her feet and approached. “She...she helped me...”
“And I'm glad that's who she has become. You see, I took two approaches to prevent a disaster. The first was taking her under my wing, to help her control her immense strength.” Celestia glanced down at the floor, her magenta eyes oddly anxious. “However, Twilight is very high-strung. I knew even my guidance couldn't help her overcome that. That's why, on the side, we had you. If she ever lost her sanity, you were to prevent the unthinkable.”
A few precious pieces of the puzzle were now falling into place. Fuyu understood why the book about the invasion bothered her so; its result was the thing she was supposed to stop. She continued to scratch the empty itch in her head and attempted to prioritize the questions. “Where did I come from?” was the one that escaped her lips.
It took a long time for the Princess to answer. The look she bore on her face was deeply uncomfortable. “You were an orphan in Canterlot. The red lines on your palms were where we cut away your original crystals.”
Immediately, Fuyu rotated her hands and stared at the black studs. “I had these before?” Again, her mind was aflame, but this time she couldn't restrain herself from asking the first thing that sprung up. “What color were they?”
“The same blue as your hair.” Celestia replied. She could see Fuyu beginning to tremble, but couldn't make herself offer any comfort.
“Did I have family?” There was no stopping the flow now, both of inquiries and tears from her eyes.
Celestia shook her head. “We don't know. When I met you in the hospital, you only knew your first name, which was...”
“Winter,” Fuyu interrupted her, already having that answer. “That's why you called me...” She went over to the railing and looked down. Her eyes settled on Stormy, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash, apparently having a playful fight about something. The ex-thief looked up and waved upon seeing the pale woman, and the two lover followed suit. The pale woman put on her best smile and waved back before retreating. “How did I become Fuyu?” she asked, staring down the Princess.
“One of the Castle staff is from the east. She ended up keeping an eye on you while you stayed there. When she learned your name, she started calling you Fuyu.” The Princess looked suddenly upset, and hid her eyes again. “I'm not surprised you imprinted on that name. She was the kindest to you out of us all.”
“I stayed in the Castle...” Fuyu called up the flat, formless memory of the gardens and nodded to herself. That lead her to another memory. “There was a white room, with gray curtains. Was that in the Castle, too?”
The Princess dropped her hand and glanced up. “No, that was somewhere else. It was the facility where we first introduced you to the material.”
Fuyu recalled the dream she had about being strapped down to a bed and began to fidget. “Is that when I was tied up and surrounded by those people?”
Celestia shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “Probably. It was an injection.”
“That's why I couldn't control it,” she breathed, looking at her hands once more. “I didn't even have it yet. You were there too, behind everyone. I talked to you, but you wouldn't answer,” she added, turning to look at the Princess. “Now I know why.”
“I truly am sorry about all of this,” Celestia offered, standing up. “You were a last resort that, thankfully, is no longer necessary. I hope.”
“Wait. How did I end up in the middle of nowhere?” Fuyu cut her off, her gaze hard. “You're leaving things out.”
The Princess looked bitterly uneasy, but she steeled herself by taking a long breath. “When I decided to terminate the project, we left you in the wilderness, hoping you would die.”
Fuyu glared at her, but found she wasn't so much angry as she was sad. “I see. And how did the amulet end up outside of your care?”
“I...” The Princess' face shifted from upset to embarrassed. “I wanted to throw it off the side of the mountain. Nobody could use it but you, so I figured it didn't matter what I did – or so I thought. I finally chose to hide it in the ruins of an old palace in the south.” She turned away from the pale woman and folded her arms. “I was ashamed about not having faith in my student. I wanted the whole thing to go away. It appears I didn't hide it well enough.”
“Things like that don't stay buried.” Fuyu walked up to her and stood at her right side. “Do you even know what I've been doing the past five years?”
She nodded, but kept her eyes averted. “If you're asking me about the people you've killed, yes. I had some idea. You were doing as we designed you to.”
Fuyu blinked and took a few steps backward. “You designed me to eat them?”
“As an emergency source of energy, yes. Luna and I both decided that death would be better than an eternity spent as a toaster, or a bicycle.” Celestia finally regarded Fuyu, and her face was firm. “If you couldn't access the amulet, you would have had plenty of fuel. It might not have been enough to stop Twilight, but you could have hurt her. Maybe she would have come to her senses.”
The two were silent for a few moments. Fuyu mentally writhed under the weight of the truth, while the Princess dealt with the burden of having to reveal it. They both ended up at the railing, looking down at the people below.
“How old am I?” Fuyu asked out of the blue, glancing up at her companion.
The Princess hesitated for a moment before replying. “Twenty-one or twenty-two, as far as I know. When we took you in, you were barely a teenager.”
“Do I have a birthday?” Fuyu couldn't understand why these questions were so important to her, but her mind demanded they be asked.
“To be honest, you didn't remember, and we never found out. You get to pick one,” Celestia said with a smile. “How about today? It's the first day of your new life.”
That struck her oddly, and in a way she didn't like. “No. I have a better idea.” Twilight was waving to them again, and they returned the gesture. Fuyu patted at her face to make sure she wasn't still crying – that would have attracted unwanted attention. “What am I supposed to do now?”
“Whatever you want.” Celestia place a hand on her shoulder and smiled. “You're not too angry with me, are you?”
“You did what you felt needed to be done,” Fuyu replied. Even though her words held no ill tone, they stung the Princess viciously. “As for anger...I don't know yet. I have to think.”
Celestia frowned, but nodded. “I understand. I think Twilight is becoming suspicious. We should probably head down.”
“I'm not done yet,” Fuyu refused, crossing her arms as she turned away from the railing. “I want to know more. I want something I can read.”
“I'll arrange it so what's left of the project documentation can be sent here, but on one condition,” Celestia replied. She shivered faintly at the frigid look Fuyu launched at her. “You cannot tell Twilight. If she finds out what I've done – what we've done – it may send her over the edge. I don't know what to expect if that happens.”
“You won't need to expect anything,” the pale woman replied, her voice as cold as her blue eyes. “I'll accomplish the purpose for which you built me.”
“Please,” the Princess began, but her voice caught in her throat at the image of her faithful student being killed. “Please don't say that. It hurts me to think such things.”
“And yet, here I am,” Fuyu squinted. “You're afraid of her. That's why I'm here in the first place, isn't it?” Celestia was unable to respond, but her silence was all the answer needed. “No wonder she keeps giving me advice. She knows exactly how it feels to be feared.”
The Princess finally found the gumption to fire back. “No, she doesn't! She doesn't have a full recollection of that day, and I intend to make sure it never troubles her.”
Fuyu looked at the railing as she collected her thoughts. Anger was starting to creep in where the fog had once been, and it was adding its own particular haze to her thinking. “Did you really come here to provide me with the truth, or did you just want another set of shoulders to help bear your guilt?”
“Both,” Celestia replied, without any hesitation. “I had some idea that you were alive, but to go looking for you would invite questions. I needed to wait until you made yourself known.”
“Fine.” Fuyu was getting tired of the conversation, and her face showed it. “I want to go be with my friends now.”
The Princess nodded. “Of course. But before we part company, there's one more thing I have to give you.”
“I think it went well!”
Fuyu glanced over at a very chipper Twilight, who was having some trouble with the car's floor pedals due to the length of her uniform skirt. “Maybe,” was all the pale woman had to offer.
“Oh, don't be so pessimistic. You looked great, you did great, and the Princess seems to like you.” Twilight peered up through the windshield at the red traffic light. “Change already! By the way, what was in that little purple box?”
Fuyu reached into the only storage she had to retrieve the velvet-clad object in question – her cleavage – smiling all the way at the memory of Stormy's reaction to her putting it in there as she left the party. The contents of the box, however, slaughtered her grin. “It was from the Princess.” She flipped it open and showed it to the librarian, blinking at her surprised reaction.
“She invested you?” Twilight breathed with shock, snatching the medal from its case and holding it up to her eyes. It was a stylized golden sun, with a yellow cabochon topaz at its center. The sun was attached to the rectangular ribbon by a circle of metal that hooked to a pair of wings. The ribbon itself was an intense blue, and had an orange stripe down the center. “Wow. I think I have to call you Dame from now on.”
“I thought it was just an award,” Fuyu said, taking the medal and its case back. “Do you know what it is? She didn't explain it to me very well.”
“I sure do, I have one myself.” The light was green, and Twilight accelerated through the intersection before continuing. “The government acts just like any other monarchy. There are knights and orders of all kinds. This one is called the Order of the Morning Sun. It entitles you to some stuff. I'm sure you'll get the letter later.” With that out of the way, Twilight's mind snapped to a more pressing matter. “What did you two talk about for so long?”
Fuyu set the case in her lap and frowned. “Things.” She knew full well that would only attract further curiosity, but had no idea how to lie her way around the conversation.
“She told you about the amulet, didn't she.” The librarian didn't sound terribly upset, but her face was marked with something between confusion and annoyance. “Applejack would tell me to let it go. I'm not sure I can. Then again...she'd never hide something that would hurt me, right?” Twilight smiled to herself as they drove. “Celestia's been like my second mom, always looking out for me. Seeing what that thing did to Trixie, maybe she had a point. I'm still worried about you having it, but you seem to be fine. Maybe I should let it drop.”
“Hmm.” The accepting tone in Twilight's voice only served to make Fuyu more uncomfortable with the gravity of her new secret, and she shifted in her seat appropriately. “She talked about you quite a bit.”
The librarian blushed a little. “Nothing bad, I hope. You know...she only gives entrance to that order to people she trusts. You must have made quite an impression on her.”
“I guess.” Fuyu shed her shoes to allow her toes to breathe, wiggling them furiously against the carpeted mat. She decided to change the subject to one she could actually be open with. “I wonder what the town thinks of me now?”
“I guess we'll find out in the morning.” Twilight glanced up at the full moon and scratched at her nose. “I can't wait to get home. This skirt is driving me insane.”
“Can we still go to Canterlot?” Fuyu asked, turning to look at her. “You said you would take me to meet the Princess. Can we still go?”
Twilight blinked at the insistent tone of her words, but nodded with a smile. “Sure we can. It's really pretty this time of year. Soon, it'll be snowing! Everything in the city turns white.”
Fuyu waited for that statement to call up a memory, and scowled when nothing happened. “It sounds nice,” she sighed, turning back to look out the window.
“Are you okay? You've seemed really tense ever since we left.” Twilight's worried eyes darted over to gauge the pale woman's mood.
“I don't know what to think anymore,” she breathed, so faint it was lost in the music coming from the radio. She looked back and tried to put on a smile. “I'm fine. I just want to get my nap in.”
Twilight couldn't help but smile to herself. “At least that hasn't changed.”
A few minutes' passage brought them to the library tree, and Twilight brought the car to a stop around the rear. Fuyu slid her feet back into her shoes and got out, watching as the librarian did the same. Once inside, they found Spike had fallen asleep watching the TV in the public area, and Twilight disappeared into the living quarters, returning with a blanket to cover the snoring kid. After he had been tended to, she walked into the bathroom while Fuyu went upstairs to the loft to shed her clothes and put on her usual garb.
“Phew!” Twilight said, stretching her arms and trying not to fall over herself as she climbed the steps. She glanced at Fuyu, who was lying on her bed, and smiled. “Good idea. I'm beat.” She entered her closet. Rustling sounds came from within, and a couple of minutes later she stepped out, dressed in a light blue shirt and black sweat pants studded with yellow stars. “Much better.”
Fuyu watched her fall onto her own bed and let out a long groan. “I have a question,” she said, sitting up and setting the medal case beside her.
The librarian blinked as she got comfortable. “What's up?”
“If I hear a voice in my head that sounds like me, what does that mean?” Her face was totally serious.
“Um,” Twilight scratched her head and looked around. “It's probably your conscious. Everyone has a voice that sounds like themselves up there. Does it talk to the other thing?”
“The figure is gone,” Fuyu admitted, unable to stop at least some of the truth from slipping out. “It's only me now.”
Twilight nodded and crossed her arms, thinking. “Must be the amulet. I should keep an eye on you for the next few days. I mean, if you don't mind.”
“All right.” The pale woman dropped back onto the bed and stared at the ceiling. “I think I'll go to sleep now.”
“Good night! See you in the morning!” Twilight said, doing much the same and turning off the lamp. She was out almost as soon as her head hit the pillow, and once again Fuyu was treated to the dulcet tones of her dainty snoring.
The pale woman did not sleep, however. She took the opportunity to test her new mental spokesperson instead. “Now what?”
I can't tell Twilight. It will hurt her.
“I know, but...” Fuyu sat up again and gazed across the room at the snoozing woman. “Shouldn't she have the truth too?”
She's happy. Let her stay that way.
Fuyu had to adjust to the first-person aspect of the new voice for a moment, but she appreciated always getting an answer. “Very well. But I want to know more.”
We'll see what the Princess does.
“She better keep her word.” Fuyu glared out the large window and frowned. “I think I'm talking to myself.” This time, it didn't answer her, and she grinned lowly. “Is that a signal to shut up?” Again, it remained quiet, and her grin only got larger. “Time for a nap.”
Her eyes slid closed, and when they next opened a little more than an hour had passed. To her surprise, however, Twilight was also awake, sitting up in bed, reading a book. She didn't have the lamp on; a small pen light was in her free hand to light up the pages. While Fuyu was used to seeing this, she had assumed Twilight was tired enough to sleep through the night.
“You're awake?” the pale woman asked, sitting up and rubbing down her messy hair.
“Yeah. Something spooked me and now I can't seem to get back to sleep.” Twilight turned a page and tried to work the stiffness out of her neck. “I meant to ask earlier, did you talk to the Princess about the black stuff?”
Fuyu shook her head. “The subject didn't come up.”
“Oh. I asked her about it the other day. She must not have found out what it is.” The librarian turned another page and sighed. “I don't know what to think. Part of me wishes she were forthcoming, but another part of me says I should trust her and move on.”
“There are three of you?” Fuyu blinked, both at the statement and at Twilight's giggling reaction.
“It's called being conflicted,” she explained, setting her book aside. “I know you've felt the same way before.”
Fuyu looked down in thought, then lifted her head and nodded. “Every time I had to eat. And then...Applejack.”
“Exactly. Well, not exactly, but close enough,” Twilight said, her face twisting a little. “Sometimes, you just don't know what to do.”
“I've always known what to do,” Fuyu countered with a frown. She considered the events of the day and realized that was no longer the truth. “At least, I did...”
“Welcome to our world,” Twilight grinned faintly, then let out a terrific yawn. “Reading that chemistry book always does it. I'm out. Good night.” She slid under her blanket and cut off the lamp.
Fuyu sighed and slid out of bed, wandering down the stairs. She opened the refrigerator and found a glass bottle of the peachy lemonade that hadn't been there when she last looked, which caused her to tilt her head. “How does she do that?” With a shrug, she took the bottle and wandered into the public area to look out one of the great windows. Once in a long while, a car would travel by, but otherwise the streets were just as sleepy as the library.
“I really don't know what to do,” she admitted, lifting her free hand and letting the moonlight bounce off the black crystal in her palm. Something heavy settled onto her chest; she was sad, and couldn't quite figure out why. “Shouldn't I be happier? I don't have to hurt people any longer." She glanced back over her shoulder at the door to the living quarters and frowned. When it finally hit her, she squeezed the bottle and scowled unhappily. “All I've done is trade one secret for another.” Her emotions grew mixed, but instead of the comforting fog, all her mind's eye had to offer her now was a broken library of incomplete thoughts, combined with the stew of the Princess' admission. She growled lowly, emptied the bottle with one pass, and stalked back into the living quarters. The whole thing bothered her, but the feeling it generated bothered her even more.
For the first time in her conscious memory, Fuyu felt bitter.