Ponyville. Ponyville never changes.
At least that's what Sombra thought as he tried to navigate the near identical roadways of the town. No matter which way he traveled though, every building looked the same.
“What's with this poor choice of architectural diversity. It's like these pony hicks were hit with a cultural stupid hammer!” He shouted into the empty back alley he had somehow gotten lost in.
He used his magic to pull out the directions Derpy had given him that morning from his gray saddle bags as you continued on his path to nowhere before stopping abruptly. Derpy had provided a makeshift map with directions, but...
“Confound it! I can't make ends or tales of this blasted thing,” He took a deep breath in order to quickly calm his nerves. “Relax Sombra. You spent 1000 years as a shadow freezing in the bitter depths of a glacier only to be resurrected and defeated by a pretty pink princess and a purple baby dragon. There's no way my pride can take be beaten by bad directions!” He raged at the empty alley as his magic flared out in a purple pulse which shattered multiple nearby windows. (Conveniently the owners of these homes were all out to work, sparing Sombra the long and painful process of being arrested for destruction of property.)
He continued on his path as he cross-examined the paper once more.
“Eureka! Stupid is as stupid does. I can't understand these directions because they were made by a near-sighted moron and the only way I can understand them is if I'm a near-sighted moron!” He exclaimed.
If he had been paying more attention he may have noticed a bright magenta earth pony with a cutie mark of two daisies as she tended to her garden staring at him in confusion and partial fear. If he had noticed her he may have been able to ask her for directions like a normal pony and spared himself the trouble of reading Derpy's mouth-writing.
SCREW THAT!
He's King FREAKING Sombra and he's on the verge of a scientific discovery! With new found vigor he slammed his head against the nearby wall. The pain shot through his body dazing him, but he found he was still capable of cognitive thought. He hastily slammed his head once more in an attempt to knock more sense “out” of him. The blow staggered the former king as he stumbled towards the lime maned mare.
“Sir, are you OK?” The mare asked, her voice a mixture of concern and fear. She had also reflexively grabbed a nearby flower pot to use as a weapon just in case.
Sombra glared at the mares who dared to disturb his experiment. All three of them as they danced around him. Probably triplets.
“Do you mind? I'm beating myself up!” He shouted as he snatched the flower pot out of the mare's hoofs with his magic before slamming it into his head. It didn't hurt so much this time. More like a distant thump. Sombra could already feel his thoughts scattering from trauma to his cranium. Equipped with a light concussion and his own pair of derp eyes he attempted to read the directions once more. To his amazement he watched as the random squiggles and lines began to merge to form an amazingly detailed and precise map.
“Genius! The cypher is stupidity!” He glared once more at the nearby mare as blood dripped down his muzzle. “I guess I showed you how stupid I am,” He slurred towards the gardener causing her to promptly faint.
“Yeah, I still got it,” Sombra bragged as he began to stumble his way towards his first interview. Now that he could read the map there was nothing stopping him from reaching his first interview and enacting the next stage of his plot. Nothing except blood loss and a concussion. He promptly made it around the corner, approximately twenty paces from his current location, before falling unconscious. As a result, Sombra missed all his interviews for that day and would awaken later that afternoon in the Ponyville hospital.
Upon treating him, doctors would notice his suspicious appearance and would report him to the local guard. They then cross-referenced the description to discover that Ponyville hospital was in possession of the one and only tyrant, King Sombra. They sent a unit to apprehend him immediately and with no place to run or hide Sombra was forced to make a final stand of life and death. Unfortunately, Sombra was still injured and without the majority of his magic meaning he was only able to kill 30 ponies and burn down 14 buildings before he was cut down with a spear to the chest.
At least that's what WOULD happen if anypony in Ponyville knew or cared about who King Sombra was or what he looked liked. Instead, at around 4PM they released him from the hospital with a clean bill of health after Derpy arrived to pick him up. The medical staff easily accepted the reasoning of him being foreign as an explanation for his unusual appearance and believed the flat out lie that a gang of wild diamond dogs jumped him and beat him up in the alley without a second thought.
“By the gods, ponies in this town are stupid,” Sombra thought to himself as Derpy, with Dinky alongside, wheeled him home.
Dinky hopped along with a smug smile, “I bet there were no diamond dogs, right?”
“Dinky, how could you doubt Mr. Sombra after what he's been through? He has no reason to lie to us about this sort of thing.” Derpy refuted on Sombra's behalf.
“Because he's a super-villain, duh,” the younger unicorn answered with tone of arrogance at Sombra's obvious evilness.
“Keep that sass up and no dessert for you missy.” Derpy threatened, quickly silencing the filly.
Once home Derpy made sure to dote extra hard on the injured king. Despite how annoying it was Sombra couldn't help but enjoy the extra attention. BUT JUST A LITTLE! A king is allowed a vice every once in a while.
Sombra had escaped the require rite of suicide that Equestria required of it's male population, but just for today. Even though Derpy had insisted he take the next day to rest, Sombra knew it would just delay the inevitable. He needed work if he was going to continue living here and he needed to live here if he going to take over Equestria.
As he laid in the darkness of his room allowing sleep to once again creep up and him he felt the distinct feeling of somepony crawling under his covers. Sombra's eye immediately widened as he shot up in order to yell at the silly pegasus, but the sudden quick movement caused his injury to flare up in pain and caused him to fall back down with a dizzy spell.
“You know what, I don't even care. Do what you want,” He grumbled in anger at the sleeping mare next to him.
As if subconsciously spurred by his approval, Derpy snuggled closer to Sombra and settled in against his chest.
“Accursed mare, no one told you to get closer.” He snarled. Sombra wanted to yell and kick her out, but his head hurt too much. He knew if he yelled it would just hurt even more and since he was evil he choose the greater (and less painful) of the two evils and grudgingly allowed Derpy to share his bed for that night.
“Stupid mare and your stupid nice smelling mane.”
End Chapter 4