//------------------------------// // 41 - Arrangement for Lyre // Story: The Memoirs Of A Reality Jumper // by Techogre //------------------------------// The morning crowds flowed around me, like water around a stone, giving me a slightly wider berth than anyone or anything else. Earth ponies shouted from behind their stands, pegasi swooped low overhead with carts, and unicorns carried their wares glowing with a rainbow of colours from store to store. The locals would give me a friendly good morning or would completely ignore me, like any other person. I wasn’t anything that special anymore, just like any other denizen of Ponyville. I found that I rather liked it that way. With the scroll presented to me by Carrot in my pack, along with some suspiciously free pastries and two caffeinated treasures in my hands, I made my way to the Apple family apple stand. I arrived just as another satisfied customer was leaving. I smiled, “Hey, Applejack. How’s my favourite sister?” Applejack squinted at me, “What in tarnation are you doing without yer sling? Doc Pulse said you needed to wear it.” Before I could respond, we turned at the loud crunch of an apple. Apple Bloom piped up from behind the apple cart, “I thought I was your favourite sister.” She followed this with a cute burp and a big, toothy grin. Sweetie Belle and Sapphire skipped into view behind her. I dropped to my knee with a huge smile and my arms out, “You’re my favourite filly sister and AJ’s my favourite grown-up sister.” The little red bowed filly jumped into my arms, and I gave her a loving hug. I did my best to hide my wince from the pain of getting my injured arm struck by that little high-energy filly. Sweetie Belle looked on with a squeaky “Aww.” While Saphire just sat there grinning at me. I spotted Scootaloo in the distance. She had stayed away, just like she was supposed to, and I felt my chest swelling with pride. I smiled, maybe a little sadly, and waved at her. She waved back nervously. I could tell she wanted to run over. Her little legs moved, and she was almost dancing in place. Her eyes met mine, and she stopped, one foreleg still raised, staying loyal to my words. On the edge of my hearing, I hear her yell out, “I miss you, Dad.” I smiled at her and waved, then said out loud to no one in particular, “I have got to take care of those affidavits.” Apple Bloom stepped back with a concerned look on her face. “Aphids? Aren't those them pesky bugs we have to keep away from the trees?” AJ gently corrected her sister, “Affidavits. Those are letters ponies write that are the truth about something.” Apple Bloom pressed on, “Right, affidavits. Come on, big brother, you’re as smart as Twilight. Scootaloo’s getting worried.” She turned away from me a little as if she was afraid I would get mad at her. As she continued, I was sure her voice cracked a little bit. “She thinks you might be changing your mind seeing as how much work it is to adopt her.” Hearing my daughter was losing hope hurt. I turned my head to get a good look at my daughter and gave her another smile. As I spoke to my youngest sister, my expression became serious, “Apple Bloom, I have a very important task for you.” She sat up straight and nodded. “I want you to tell your niece that her dad is getting this done as quickly as he can.” I closed my eyes for a moment, “Can you tell her that for me? Can you tell her we haven’t forgotten, that we think about her every minute of every day? And that her mom is going crazy about this, too?” I have never seen such grim determination in a face so young. “You bet, Alex.” Then, a thought seemed to have struck her. “Niece? You mean, I’ll be her aunt?” I smirked, “Eeyup. You’re my sister, and I’ll be her dad, right? That makes you Auntie Apple Bloom.” She got a sly look, “Does that mean I can boss her around?” I chuckled, “Nope.” Apple Bloom shrugged, “That’s okay, she wouldn’t listen to me anyhow.” I gestured toward Scoots, “Alright, off you go. I need to have some grownup talk with Applejack.” “But, I’m an aunt, isn’t that grown up enough?” “‘Fraid not. Anyway, you’ll be late for school, and I’m really particular about my sister, daughter, and their best friends getting a good education.” Apple Bloom harrumphed. “Alright, we’re going. I’ve got to go tell my niece your important message on the way to school.” I stood and watched them skip off and absentmindedly patted Applejack on the shoulder. “She’s a good kid.” A melancholy overtook me momentarily, “I hope I’m doing... right by them. Scotaloo and Dash, I mean.” She softly shoulder-checked me, “Shoot. I don’t doubt that. They’re lucky to have you, you know that? Thank you kindly for the coffee, by the way.” I rubbed the back of my neck, “...welcome. And I sure hope so.” I sighed, “Good old self-doubt.” I chuckled mirthlessly, “I know, right? Alex Roberts with self-doubts. Who would have thunk it.” She smiled up at me a little sadly, “S’all right, sugarcube, it happens to the best of us, even Pinkie.” She reached up and rubbed my back a little. She spoke softly, with a tone of concern, “So, you sent the kids away for a reason, Alex?” I chuckled, “Many and varied. They need to hit the books, I need to talk to someone, and Dash isn’t here.” I realized what I said sounded awful. I waved my hand, dismissing my words. “Not like that. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.” She took a sip and chuckled. “I know what you mean. When your marefriend ain’t here, your sister will have to do. So, worried about the reports?” “Yes, ma’am. I think the one I got from Golden was positive. We had a good talk, and I think we have an understanding.” I glanced at the clouds in the sky being taken apart by the weather team, hoping for a glimpse of Dash. “Anyway, I got a good vibe.” I chuckled, “Maybe I’ve got Pinkie Sense? Besides, it’s Carrot’s report I’m worried about. I... I think he doesn’t think I can be a good dad. It got me thinking. Maybe he’s right. Maybe-” Applejack started sputtering under her breath, “Y’all are gonna be a fine pa. You already are. Your Daniel and Lily are two fine youngsters. Why that no good hypocrite. I’m not even sure he even fathered his own kids. ‘Second cousin twice removed was a pegasus’ my flank. Why that rotten-” I knew no one else could have heard that, but I was shocked. I had never heard such vicious spite coming from her mouth. I whispered, “Wow. Are you sure that’s the truth? Because I don’t think so. Anyway, I asked him for it.”  I rubbed my forehead. “No AJ, I practically begged him to give his honest opinion.” She looked up at me, her mouth opened and closed silently, then she looked to the ground, embarrassed. “Shoot.” I smiled kindly at her and spoke softly, “It’s alright. You saw family under attack, and you shot back. Anyway, I don’t think Mrs Cake has eyes for anyone other than Mr Cake.” She looked back up at me, pushing her hat up a little, “Yeah, I suppose not.” We stood quietly, me leaning against the apple stand. I spent much of the morning helping her with customers. The only noteworthy event was that, at one point, a customer dropped a bag of apples. I helped her by quickly picking them up. She was a cream-coloured earth pony with a pink and blue striped mane. She smiled kindly at me but didn’t speak. I thought I might have recognized her from the show, but I’ve learned to throw that out the window. Applejack and I continued like that until mid-morning. During a lull in the flow of customers, AJ scolded me. “Alex, why are you still here? I appreciate the help and the company, but you should be getting that last note so you can get on with raisin' that little filly. Who is it, anyway?” I cheerfully said, “Lyra Heartstrings. Nice young lady. I tripped over her at the train station.” AJ gave me a you-have-got-to-be-kidding-me look, “Come again?” I repeated the name. Those lovely green eyes blinked at me, “Sugarcube, I think it would be safe- I mean best if y’all waited for Dash or me to come with you.” “Dash seemed to know her when we bumped into each other at the train station. Anyway, she seemed nice enough. What could possibly go wrong?” After chatting for a little while longer with Applejack, I let her know I would see how Bea was doing at her new house. I’m glad I was able to get that key to her. Having my new employee and friend homeless would not do, although I’m sure Big Mac would gallantly offer her a place to stay. Now, why the hell am I procrastinating? Was I scared of getting the last affidavit? I guess as long as I didn't get it, I couldn't fail. It was a modest cottage on the edge of Ponyville, near the merchant tents, not far from the Carousel Boutique—a nice part of town. It was nicer than mine, really, but she deserved it. I rounded the corner to see Bea with a kerchief on her head, sitting primly with her back to me and three paint brushes repainting her once red and green house into a blue that matched her coat. I noticed some large stencils with various star and moon shapes lying on the ground. I moved quietly behind her and made sure not to disturb her. She was focusing on what she was doing, but I could see a satisfied smile. I continued to watch her, fascinated at her skill in precisely controlling the three brushes. I was a little surprised at how quickly she had settled in and was making this place her own. When she let out a breath, and the brushes dropped into a water-filled bucket, I spoke. “Very nice, Miss Lulamoon.” She stood and turned with a friendly smile, “Why thank you, boss.” Her eyes narrowed in irritation, “Alex Roberts. Please tell me your arm is in an invisible sling. Because if it is not, I will be having a conversation about this with your darling sister and your fiance.” I chuckled nervously, “Holy cow, you go straight for the jugular. You sure you’re not half she-wolf?” She smiled sweetly, “Flattery will get you nowhere. Please stop trying to distract me.” Her expression became worried, motherly. “I’m supposed to keep an eye on you, and you not wearing your sling means you might hurt yourself again.” She sighed. “I value our friendship, and I value you, but if I have to talk to Rainbow about this, I will. I’m sure she’ll be much less nice about this than me or your sister.” She laughed, “Come inside for a cup of tea. I need to let this wall dry before putting on the decorations.” We entered by the kitchen door, walking past a row of pegs on the wall holding her hat and cape. The kitchen itself was a bit spartan, but then again, she hadn’t had a chance to do much inside if she was painting the outside. I would have to show her where the kitchen shop was. Again, it made sense, considering her past situations. I was surprised to see a small stool in the corner. A silvery glow surrounded it, and she placed it on my side of the small kitchen table. She gave me a half smile over her shoulder. “Make yourself at home. I’ll just be a moment.” While I still don’t get the deep emotional reaction a pony would get, I could tell she had the same, I suppose, sex appeal Rarity has. But, when ‘Trixie’ was turned off, she also had a warm, grounded personality, a lot like Applejack. No wonder Big Mac fell ass-over-tea-kettle for her. I thanked her for the seat and made myself comfortable.  “Is there anything I can do? Anything you need? Was the house in good repair?” She stopped mid-step and turned properly in my direction, with a combination of admiration and confusion, “The world is not your responsibility, Alex Roberts. Every problem is not yours to fix. Your kindness and generosity are far more than... well, let’s just say it was more than enough.” She returned to making tea. The cupboard opened, and the two solitary cups floated to the table. I noticed the one at her end had a chip and the teapot was the same kind used at the Apple farm, only older and with more wear. She spoke over her shoulder, “I’m sorry I don’t have any pastries to share, sweetie. You know how it is, busy working, no time to go shopping, big mean boss.” We both chuckled at the last. Of course, I had to comment, “Hey, now. I’m engaged to be married, and I don’t think I should be sharing baked goods.” A tea towel flew onto my head, and Bea’s laughter was like singing. “Not only are office romances a bad idea, but my heart belongs to another, boss.” I smirked, “You’re not talking about my little brother, are you? Big, red, rugged guy?” Bea blushed and threw a smirk at me. “Now you be good to him. He’s not just another conquest, ya know.” Trixie rebutted, “The Great and Powerful Trixie shall take any stallion she chooses. And he shall consider himself lucky for the privilege.” We both laughed at her antics. Speaking normally again, “He has, in fact, asked us...” she chuckled at her error, “me to join him on a picnic tomorrow night on Stargazer Hill.” As I got up to place the towel back where it belonged, I said, “Nice spot. Not far from my house. Dash and I go there from time to time. Anyway, that will give me a chance to spy on you from my balcony, maybe get Dash to do a flyby in the dark.” As I sat back down, the towel was once again hurled at me. Again, that joyful, free laughter. “Don’t you dare, boss. I’ll send a letter to the Equestrian Board of Entertainers if you do.” “Now I see some incisors. Can’t hide your wolf-ish heritage.” I carefully folded the tea towel, “I’m happy you and Mac found each other.” I mused for a moment, “He’s a good person. I know he’ll treat you well.” Once the tea was ready, she sat and held her cup between her hooves, rolling it slightly. I was surprised that she kept her eyes low, a slight smile on her lips. She spoke quietly, “I’ve told you this before, and I’m sure you’re tired of hearing it. You’ve given me a life I never imagined I could have. A sense of purpose. But I am most of all grateful for my new friends.” She smiled wistfully, “For that kind, gentle brother of yours.” She looked up from her cup, frustrated. “But so help me, if you don’t take care of yourself, I’ll... I’ll... I’ll lock you in one of my magic boxes and hide your back half.” “Bea, I’ll be okay. A sling just... restricts movement and makes scars in bad places. Anyway, I’m being as gentle as a mother lamb. I don’t want to get three lovely, strong-willed ladies on my case. Heck, I’m already outnumbered with just one of you in the same room.” She gave me a sceptical smirk. “Then why aren't you wearing a sling?” ‘Damn.’ I looked down, avoiding eye contact. “Because I know my own body. I heal up faster here than I have anywhere else. In fact, I’ve never healed faster, not without magic. You weren’t around for this, but when I first got here I-” She interrupted me, “You thanked her for the evening sky. You could have asked to go home, you could have asked for any number of selfish things, but all you did was thank her for the comfort her night sky brought you. And this caught Luna’s attention. You, a total stranger, a complete alien, thanked her with humility. And then, you saved little Tree Trimmer and got yourself hurt. You were brave and stupid. You threw yourself into a situation most ponies wouldn’t even consider putting themselves in. And yet... and yet you did.” I still couldn’t look up from the floor. I wouldn’t allow myself to. Her practised storyteller’s voice carried the perfect tone to draw my attention, “And then there was,” Her voice changed to her stage voice, “me, The Mighty Trrrrixie, the most malevolent mare in all of Equestria. As mighty as the insufferable Twilight Sparkle, I, too, graduated from Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns when she was still in diapers. Me, the greatest villain of them all.” She threw out a maniacal laugh that ended in a self-indulgent chuckle. Her tone then returned to that of a storyteller, “You could have simply hired me as an employee, and I would have been grateful beyond words.” She closed her eyes, obviously relishing the reality of the situation, “To be able to work as a show mare again, to get paid to do what... what makes me complete.” “But you didn’t stop there.” She took a sip of tea and sniffed. “You showed me real, honest respect. And with that, you make me want to give others the same self-respect you’ve given me.” She took a sip of tea and became thoughtful. “I suppose... that’s why Princess Luna gave me this opportunity to help others.” I was humbled by her words. I hesitatingly spoke, “Beatrix... I... I’m happy. I’m happy to give you the respect you deserve.” We sat quietly, not saying a word, the sounds of the cultivated nature around Ponyville the only sound. At the sound of birds singing, I closed my eyes and tilted my head slightly. I don’t know why, but that bit of natural beauty brought me peace. I opened my eyes to see Bea’s ears turned toward the sound, her eyes closed, and a hopeful expression on her face. I reminisced softly, “About, oh, twenty-three years ago, I spent four months in an ice swamp, in the branches of a tree. Freezing cold, silent as death, smelled of nothing, every single day a cloudy day, and it was very lonely. Got into the habit of talking to myself.” I chuckled a little sadly at the memories. “Didn’t take long to break that habit when I got back to civilization.” "Do you know the only living thing I saw was on the morning that I jumped out? It was a tiny little bird, small enough that it would have fit in my palm.” I put out my hand and traced the circumference of my palm with my fingertips. “I gave it my last piece of emergency bread, just in the hope it would stick around a little longer.” I could see Bea smiling softly at me. “It did, and then it started to sing.” I closed my eyes, remembering the joy I felt, “It was such a welcome sound. Later that day, it got caught up in my jump field. We landed in a nice temperate forest. Once the wildlife calmed down, all I could hear was birds singing. Beautiful music. Not a note out of place. As coordinated and complex as anything Fluttershy could train. I just lay there. I must have lay there for an hour. Stupid thing to do. It could have been like the Everfree or worse. But I was so happy to hear something other than my own breathing, I just... took it all in.” She sighed, “Sounds beautiful.” I chuckled, “Yeah, it was.” We finished our tea, and I started to get up when a thought struck me. “Will you miss the road, Bea? I mean, travelling from town to podunk town?” Bea smirked, “Podunk is a nice place, actually. Trixie was a hit. But,” she spoke carefully as if she was afraid to offend. “I suppose the adventure of the open road is appealing.” She quickly added, “Tempered with a home base to call my own, of course. Too long on the road and,” Trixie came back, “we begin to speak like this all the time, even off stage. Our judgment also becomes impaired, and we start doing foolish things, like picking fights in Ponyville.” “Well, I may have a cure for that. Did Twilight tell you about the teleport stations? The ones to get the crowds from Canterlot, Manehattan, and all the other big cities?” “She mentioned something about controlled, predestined, mana flow accumulators wedded to matrices mounted in non-mobile fixed locations designed for trans-locational spatial transformations. Is this what you’re talking about?” I chuckled, “I love it when you talk technical.” It took me a moment to fully parse what Bea had just said. “Yes. I think.” Bea mused with a smile, “Twilight does have a way with words, doesn’t she.” I chuckled warmly, “Just to change the subject, did you know Pinkie likes to create desserts and name them after her friends? Named a banana bread after me, called it monkey loaf.” I could have sworn I saw her eyebrows shoot up for a split second before returning to their previous position. I wasn't quite sure I saw what I thought I saw. “Ehem. So, expect a blueberry moon pie with white and silver frosting to bear your name soon enough.” As Bea laughed, the clock tower struck two o’clock, and I looked up from my tea. “Hey, I’ve got to go. I need to get this last affidavit for Scoots. Dash should be done by now.” I quickly gulped my tea, but before I could get up, she came around to my side of the table and hugged me. “What was that for, Bea?” Bea sighed, “Can’t a mare hug her friend and the older brother of her special somepony?” I could hear Dash’s throaty chuckle, “I turn my back on you for five minutes, and here you are hugging hotties.” I gave Bea a final squeeze and turned to see Dash hovering outside the kitchen window. Bea laughed, “Rainbow. Come in, please.” Dash was in like a flash, wrapping her forelegs around my neck and rubbing her nose against mine, a huge grin the whole time. Over my shoulder, she flashed her most confident grin at our friend, “Hey, Bea. Just looking for my future hubby, and AJ said he was headed this way.” She shifted, looking me in the eyes, “I also have some awesome news, Alex. Derpy got confirmation from the doctors. She’s knocked up. I’m so happy for her. She’s a great mom, and Caramel is a great guy.” She hugged me tightly, “I can’t wait to get our own little filly.” “Same here.” I held her for a moment, lost in her scent and warmth. I was snapped back to reality by a familiar nasal and breathless voice. “Trixie has no doubts you shall be considered an acceptable adoptive father. Not as acceptable as Trixie, of course.” I couldn’t help but chuckle. Still chuckling, Dash threw Bea a rough and tumble hug, “Come here, you big blowhard.” I found it interesting that Dash felt comfortable enough around Bea to behave like she did with Applejack. “House looks awesome, but you’d better finish up the decorations. We’ve got a light drizzle scheduled all day tomorrow.” Bea seemed a little taken back by the affection, but she took it in stride. “I will, Rainbow. Thanks for the warning.” She gave me a smirk, “Oh, and Rainbow? Be aware Mr Roberts is not wearing his sling, despite the doctor's order.” Dash groaned. “Alex. Really? Do I need to watch you like a little foal?” I clicked my tongue, surprising them both with the sound, “I’ve survived much worse with far less medical attention. Trust me, I’ll be fine.” Dash simply looked at me, unimpressed, “You’re a dork, you know that, right? I’ve seen those scars. You’re not going to pull a fast one on anypony, especially me. You stay right here. I’ll go home and get it.” I sighed, “Don’t bother. I have it here,” I lifted my pack and reached inside, withdrawing the sling. I quickly placed it around my neck and arm. “There, satisfied?” Dash puffed her cheeks out and blew a raspberry towards me. “You knucklehead. You had it all along? I can’t take you out of my sight for two minutes without you doing something... something... something dumb.” I must have really upset her if she couldn’t come up with a decent reprimand. Bea’s expression once more had the look of a mother pleading with her wayward son. “Alex, sweetie, she’s right, you know. You’re... fragile. And the last thing I want to see is you ignoring your physical needs.” I resisted the urge to glare at her. I knew she didn’t mean anything by it. She was just a worried friend, and I saw the subtle shift in her eyes. I think she noticed my irritation at being called fragile. Her expression then changed to one of friendly concern. “So, how’s the affidavit hunt going, you two?” She was taking a page from my book and changing the subject. I smiled broadly, pleased at the change in topic, “Only one to go, and an easy one at that. A nice young lady called Lyra Heartstrings. Dash knows her, so this should be a cakewalk.” Bea brightened up, “There you go, Rainbow. Easy as popping a cloud. Afterwards, you two should go on a date. With that little bundle of joy coming up, it’s likely to be your last chance in a while.” Dash had a distant look, “Yeah. Easy.” I figured she must be just stressed out about the whole adoption thing and likely still a little upset at me for the sling. I wrapped my unslung arm around her, “Don’t worry, oh, coolest mare in Equestria. Your slightly less cool, soon-to-be husband-to-be will make sure everything goes smooth as silk.” While Bea chuckled at my antics, Dash only gave me a weak smile. As we walked toward Lyra Heartstrings’ home, I noticed Dash fall behind. I turned back in time to see her put something in her mouth. Our eyes met as she bit down. There was a distinct crunching sound. I smirked, “A little sugar cube for some extra energy?” She smiled weakly and broke eye contact, “Naw. Just a little granular courage.” It took me a moment to understand what she meant. She had just eaten a salt cube. They were meant for punch bowls and such. In human terms, she just consumed an eighth of a 40oz bottle of hard liquor. “You okay, Dash? That’s a lot, even for you.” I tried to place my hand on her neck so I could rub her ear, to show her I was by her side. Her sudden movement threw my hand off. She snarled at me, frustrated. “Alex, let’s just hurry up and get this over with, okay? I don’t know what I’ll do if she pulls any of her stunts.” Her aggression took me aback, “Come on, Dash. You’re still not sore about that accident at the train station, are you? It could have happened to anyone.” She looked up at me, her expression pleading. “You don’t understand. Lyra and me, we used to...” Dash turned away and sighed. “We used to be a couple, okay? We lived together for almost a year. Aside from Gilda and you, she was the most serious relationship I’ve ever had with anypony.” I knew she had had some homosexual relationships in the past, and I understood this was not uncommon among mares, but I had never met any of her ex-lovers. A little voice in the back of my head wondered if I measured up. “Oh, okay. So, do you still have feelings for her?” I regretted saying that as soon as it left my mouth. “What?! No. Nothing like that. We just ended it... badly. We both had a lot of hurt feelings, and I didn’t leave on the best note. But, how could I? She's worse than Twilight. At least Twi takes time for some fun. Anyway, I hope I haven’t messed things up for the adoption.” She looked up at me, her eyes full of worry, “Or us.” She turned away and kept going toward our destination. My expression grew grim, “Stop right there, Ms Rainbow Dash.” She stopped with a sharp breath and slowly turned to face me. I was shocked by her expression. It was fear and resignation. I took a deep breath. “The past is what it is. I have no doubts about you. None.” Her expression became hopeful. “Anyway, I’m sure we can, as adults, all come to some kind of understanding.” We finally arrived at the front door of Lyra’s house. Dash still looked like she swallowed lemons, but when I touched her neck, she smiled gratefully at me. The front curtains were drawn, and I could hear thumping music from inside. I knocked. A muffled and strangely distorted voice called out. “Coming! Coming.” was all I heard. The door handle glowed light green and opened to reveal Lyra, a look of shock and a spoonful of peanut butter still in her mouth. The half-empty jar hung in the air beside her, and her hair was even messier than Dash’s. I could see the living room beyond was a disaster area, covered in discarded food containers, scrolls, quills, and who knows what. We looked at each other for a heartbeat. She mumbled, her speech slurred by the peanut butter and spoon, “Eep.” She proceeded to slam the door shut, making Dash scowl. There was a mint-coloured flash of what I assumed was her magic, and the door opened again. Lyra was neat and tidy, the living room was spotless, and all the papers and writing instruments were organized. The same cream-coloured earth pony from this afternoon sat in the living room, looking shocked and confused. Strangely, the mint-coloured unicorn mare was standing on her hind legs and leaning against the door frame. She was working very hard at being nonchalant. Really, really hard. It was actually kind of cute. I began formally, “Hello, Miss Lyra Heartstrings. My name is Alex Roberts, and this is my fiance Rainbow Dash. We have a great personal favour to ask of you.” “Ok...” Her voice was far higher than what I would have considered normal and barely above a whisper. It was a little like Fluttershy when she was freaked out. I recognised the upset-looking mare in the room behind Lyra as the one I had helped this afternoon. “We are in the process of adopting a pegasus filly named Scootaloo, and due to my unique situation, it has been requested that certain individuals vouch for my fitness as a father. I hope it’s not too much of an inconvenience-” Dash interrupted, glaring at Lyra. “Alex, just ask her already. I know she’ll do it,” she continued under her breath, “if she knows what’s good for her.” Lyra stared hard at Dash. “I’m not going to do it just because you tell me to Rainbow. You know how I am with research. Everything must be done professionally. After all, this is the life of a young filly we’re talking about, not some Wonderbolt doll that you can lose a dozen times in a week.” Stacks of paper zoomed out from all around the living room. Lyra looked at them and separated some from the other stacks, the title on the front reading ‘Reproductive Practices.’ “Listen, Lyra. Don’t mess things up for Scoots just to get back at me. Anyway, what’s Alex ever done to you other than fall on you by accident.” Dash’s eyes grew wide, “And what the hay is that?” She snatched the papers out of Lyra’s glow, “‘Reproductive Practices’? Really? Have you been spying on him? On us?” “I’m not at liberty to discuss anything. Anyway, I’m not breaking any laws.” Lyra snatched the papers back and held them in her glow lovingly. “Besides, it’s biological data. Things like gestation, fertility and biological tendencies like genetics. I wouldn’t ask for your help on this,” she cocked an eyebrow at Dash, “you’d probably just skew the data.” She paused in thought for a moment. “Alex is far better than you deserve, you know.” Lyra turned to me, “Why not make a life with Applejack, or Rarity, or even Twilight? They’re all better fits, intellectually.” I tried to get a word in edgewise, “Excu-” Dash’s head snapped in my direction, “Quiet, Alex. Mares are talking.” Lyra rolled her eyes, “Let him talk, Rainbow. Doesn’t he have his own mind? He doesn’t need you to run his life. I mean, I don’t have you bossing me around anymore and look where I am now.” I tried again, “Actually I-” She stepped closer to Lyra, almost snout to snout and with an angry sneer. “He’s his own stallion and doesn’t need me to cheer every time he writes a sentence. He’s not some insecure nag who-” Lyra rolled her eyes, “That’s rich coming from you, Rainbow. Do you get upset that he doesn't spend his whole day watching you practice? Or has he had to put up with your whining over any failed Wonderbolt applications lately?” Dash’s eyes narrowed, “That’s low. But what do I expect from a nutjob like you.” Dash turned to me, an incredulous expression written all over her face, “She actually believed there was such a thing as dragon fairies. She would spend weekends in the woods chasing after them.” I gave Dash an apologetic shrug, “Well, they’re quite real. Nasty little buggers, too. I’ve got a scar right...”, I trailed off. Lyra hadn't said a word, but the smug look on her face was enough. Dash snapped at Lyra, “But they’re in a different world, you dope! Not here.” Lyra smiled with smug superiority, “So were humans. Not so crazy after all, am I?” The mare from the apple stand finally got a word in edgewise, “Lyra, I don’t care if you finally cleaned the house. Just let them in and discuss it like grown ponies.” I took the opportunity with both hands, “Hello, ma’am, my name is Alex Roberts, but you can call me Alex. What’s your name?” She smiles brightly, “My name is Bonbon, but my friends call me Bons. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you. I wanted to thank you for your help this afternoon. Lyra talks...” I noticed Lyra was suddenly signalling desperately for Bons to stop talking. I felt a pang of sympathy. “I’m sure she did. After all, I almost fell on top of her at the train station. With only two feet, I trip over anything.” Lyra and Dash both swivelled their heads between Bons and me. Bons turned to Lyra, “You see, Lyra, that’s how you have a conversation. Like a grownup.” Lyra looked at Bons while Dash looked at me. The strangest thing was they both had the same fearful expression. They both knew they had blown up and were both looking to their lovers for absolution. “I realize there may be some baggage between you two ladies, and we will deal with it, but for right now, the only thing I give a sweet tinker’s damn about is making sure a little filly gets a good life. Am I clear?” Both high-strung mares nodded sheepishly. I nodded, “Good.” After a moment of stunned silence, Lyra spoke, “Okay, look. I guess this isn’t the time and place. I’m sorry, Alex.” Dash nodded, “Agreed. Thanks for clearing the air, Bons.” Lyra shuffled through the various stacks of paper before finding what she was looking for. The remaining sheets disappeared in a series of minty-coloured poofs as she teleported them away. A stack of thirty or so sheets remained. Unlike the earlier pile, this one was neatly labelled ‘personality assessment summary.’ “This is everything Ms Sweetheart will need to know about Alex’s personality and behavioural patterns. It’s not biased in any way. I might not like you, Rainbow, and I might not believe you can be a responsible parent... but they asked me for my opinion on Alex, so that’s what they’ll get. Honestly, his strong parental bias will make him a great dad. In fact, I would normally just send the data, but in this case, I want to make sure she gets all the facts.” A clean sheet of paper hovered in front of her, along with a quill and a small vial of ink. She cleared her throat and gave Dash a look I can only describe as haughty. “Summary.” The quill jumped to life and began writing. “This is a summary of the enclosed statistical, observational, medical, and sociological data on the personality of the” Lyra’s expression becomes a self-satisfied smirk, “human known as Mr Alex Roberts.” “Mr Roberts displays several traits that contribute to his ability to be a responsible parent.” “The first is experience. It is known he has had a family before his involuntary departure from his homeworld and has made great efforts in maintaining contact and positive influence with his,” Lyra smirked harder, if that was possible, “human children.” “Second, he has shown to have taken great effort to adapt to pony culture and norms, as well as keeping whatever predatory mannerisms and tendencies that are natural to his home society, in check.” “Third, his predatory mannerisms are nowhere near that of a griffon. Indeed, Mr Roberts is omnivorous and has not displayed an overt desire to satiate any hunger for meat in maladaptive or inappropriate ways.” “Although he has shown himself capable of violent actions, they have presented themselves in a context where Mr Roberts’s well-being and/or the well-being of another was being threatened.  The actions would have been no less appropriate if a pony had done them in his position. In fact, Alex has shown himself several times to be willing to put himself in danger for the well-being of another with whom he has no personal connection.” “There is the issue that Mr Roberts may be experiencing symptoms of Induced Trauma Syndrome due to his past experiences, but he has shown awareness of his actions and remorse at the consequences of his experiences, rather than dysfunctional behaviours. There is no evidence this will give rise to any significant issues.” “Finally, Mr Roberts has made great efforts to be a fatherly figure to Scootaloo. He has shown compassion, understanding, empathy, and kindness to her. In addition, he adopts an authoritative parenting style that encourages Scootaloo to grow and learn, praising her for her accomplishments and ensuring she takes responsibility for and learns from her mistakes.” “Even without a position as Paladin of Redemption under the service of Princess Luna, I conclude that Alex Roberts is very much qualified to be a father.” “Signed, Lyra Heartstrings, Graduate of Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns, Field Researcher of Unusual Animals for Canterlot University, Assistant Field Researcher for the Head of Equilogical Studies at Manehattan University” Lyra stopped, “That should be enough. She’s not looking at my CV.” Dash opened her mouth, then closed it again. She looked down and spoke very quietly, “Thanks, Hearts. Thanks for not...” Dash sighed, “I’m sorry I hurt you. And I appreciate what you did.” Bon-Bon sat beside her marefriend and gave her a hug. “I’m proud of you. You did the right thing.” “Miss Heartstrings?” Lyra looked up at me with such sadness. “I can see you have some kind of interest in me. I don’t completely understand why. I’m actually kind of boring. But if you ever want to talk, just you and me, I would be happy to give you all the time you want. “I... I don’t know what to say.” She sniffed as a single tear rolled down her muzzle. Bon-Bon sighed the sigh of the defeated. “Miss Heartstrings, once the adoption is taken care of, you and your friend will come over to my place for dinner, and we can all have a good talk. You will find humans place a great deal of importance on breaking bread with friends.” Papers flew around Lyra, “Yes, yes, I knew it! I knew that it was some human social interaction, and it wasn’t some... sexual...” She trailed off in mid-sentence. “Not that I was researching you or anything.” Bonbon brought her hoof up to her face, shook her head slightly, and then looked at Lyra lovingly with a smile and a sigh. As we left, Bonbon and I shared a quick hug and promises of dinner invitations. Dash and Lyra politely said goodbye to each other without much more interaction than they needed. As Dash and I walked, I held the final scroll in my hands, rolling it in my fingers, admiring the aquamarine wax seal with the lyre imprint. I unshouldered my pack and placed the scroll inside. I noticed Dash was very quiet. I looked over at her and saw her eyes were downcast, her lips pressed together. I placed my hand on her neck, and she shook me off. I stopped, “Dash?” She spat out softly, “I lost it.” I placed my hand on her neck again. This time, she didn't shake me off, “What, your temper? We all do.” “No. I promised myself I would keep it together so that I wouldn't embarrass you. The second she started in on me, I just had to talk back at her. I lost it, and I hate losing.” She nuzzled me, “I’m sorry, big guy. “Dash, there’s nothing to be sorry for. You two have some hard feelings, and it’s something we’ll have to work out, but not today.” With it being so late in the day, we knew Sweetheart would be busy with all the youngsters, so we decided to see if Twilight and Spike wanted to have dinner. I knocked on the door, announcing myself so Spike could put his filters on. The door glowed violet and flew open. I was surprised to be to see Twilight as she galloped towards us. I also noticed a unicorn stallion I didn't recognize, a green coat, black mane, and tail, sipping a cup of tea at the table, and my laptop closed at the centre. Even halfway across the room, I could see Twilight’s eager eyes sparkled as if she had just been given a book blessed by Celestia herself. When she reached us, she exclaimed, “Guys! I have great news!”