//------------------------------//
// Prologue 
// Story: Nicolas Cage In Ponyville - Friendship Is Compulsory 
// by HelmOfDismay 
//------------------------------//

------Prologue----

Nicolas pushed his hand into the tube that he had so carefully slid into his satchel and, in one swift movement withdrew its contents.

The Declaration of Independence.

Nic could not help but let out a chuckle – they’d been able to beat Sean Bean to stealing it and were now a step closer to obtaining the treasure. He unfurled the document carefully, wearing a face of familiar blankness.
“This is it,” Nicolas said unnecessarily as he scanned the document. However, he saw no sign of the map he had sought and he turned to face Abigail—whom he had inexplicably kidnapped—and his face attempted to pull a face of, presumably, guilt.
“Cut!” yelled some man claiming to be a director. Interrupting Nicolas’ sterling performance with temerity hither to undiscovered. A man wearing a black shirt with the film’s title ostentatiously scribbled on it and a pair of headphones that were akin to those used by militants for their communications gave Nic his usual Canadian High-Potassium Mineral Water.

He sipped it, tilting his head back as though taking a shot of some measure of some dangerous and inadvisable alcohol beverage.
“GRAGH!?” Nic let out a violent cough which somehow managed to border on a yell, rather like the sound achieved by pushing a table, top-first, along a gravel path and into a canal.
Nic’s world collapsed into an infinite black abysse – much like his career had done.

Sun beat down on his face.

Nicolas Cage sat bolt upright and took in his surroundings – an action that would have served a purpose if he had read the script of the terrible film he was in and therefore had known what the setting was. For all that Nicolas knew, he could’ve indeed been in a throne room minutes ago as he was now.

However, Nic became instantly angry to find he was not the one on the throne- it was instead a winged, horned, rainbow maned creature. The creature, like all sentient life forms, did not seem to be able to interpret Nicolas’ facial expressions and merely beheld him with a visage of inefforable confusion. 

“What is this strange magic!?” said a rather startled Princess Celestia, speaking with purpose and interrogance that bordered on the traditional royal Canterlot voice, as made evident by her ever narrowing gaze and stiff, raised posture. The air in the room grew stale and a serious quiet overtook the room. Nicolas assumed he had fallen asleep and had awoken in his next film shoot of the day – so he just went with it.
“Dearest Princess, I have come from afar to tell you something of great importance!’ Nic belted aloud with his level of importance that borders on narcissism.
“Oh,” Celestia began, rather cross that Mr.Cage had ignored the point of her question, “Go on then!”

Nicolas suddenly felt mysteriously afraid of being banished to the moon for a thousand years, but assumed it was the product of a particularly unhealthy breakfast.
“Line,” Nicolas said monotonously in his traditional acting voice. Celestia stood confused. Nicolas repeated this several more times before considering that perhaps his Canadian High-Potassium Mineral Water had in fact been high in time space ions rather than Potassium.

After a few awkward moments in which Celestia had hidden the bag of bananas she’d been eating from and Nic had stood stoic trying to remember auditioning for such an out there role, the two of them came to the same conclusion. Nicolas Cage really should not be in Equestria.