_Release me, vile automata!_ Luna flailed as much as she could in the medical tank.
REQUEST DENIED. Executioner One responded.
_Now! Let go of me or face my wrath!_
REQUEST DENIED. Celestia sighed, rubbing her face.
“Luna, please stay calm. You’re just slowing the healing process. Right, Executioner?”
AFFIRMATIVE. Luna seemed to ignore that, trying to ignite her magic. She failed.
_What is this trickery?_
EXECUTIONER ONE OBSERVES. ANOMALOUS ENERGY SURGES FROM HIGH VALUE INDIVIDUAL EIGHT COMPLEX, BUT EASY TO NEGATE.
_What? Did you take my magic away?_
NEGATIVE. ITEM=MAGIC… NOT REMOVED. MENTAL SUPPRESSANTS IN HIGH VALUE INDIVIDUAL EIGHT’S BLOODSTREAM KEEP HIGH VALUE INDIVIDUAL EIGHT CALM. Oddly, that seemed to satisfy Luna and she nodded slowly as Celestia spoke again.
“Just wait until it releases you and don’t try to attack it again. I tried to and it didn’t work out too well.” Luna nodded warily at that and waited as Twilight filled her in on what had happened so far…
_Did it really have to discard of my regalia? I know it was rather damaged, but still!_
“Luna, calm down. Executioner, how far until Ponyville?”
DISTANCE TO SECONDARY OBJECTIVE… NINE HUNDRED METRES. Celestia nodded at that.
“Ah. Very well, then. Let’s get the formalities over with, hmm?”
ACKNOWLEDGED. She nodded again and sat down on the floor of medical facilities, waiting for Luna to be released from Executioner’s care.
Luna scowled angrily at nothing in particular, her mane and tail now much shorter – Executioner One had given her a haircut. Though the machine said it had been a minor software glitch, she could not help but wonder if the machine was more intelligent than it let on. Even so, she had been explained that it was broken. With much resignation, she had agreed not to try and attack it again. She still didn’t trust it, even though the Elements and her sister did. She sensed their wariness, though.
“Ugh… Sister, I dearly hope you know what you’re doing. This is asking for trouble. Griffons are sure to jump at this… Imagine the newspaper headlines, if you will – Equestria commands a machine of war that can easily defeat the Princesses.”
“We will not mention any of that. And I’m sure I could’ve put up more of a fight if the millennium of peace was absent.” Twilight gasped in shock at that, looking surprisedly at Celestia.
“Princess! How can you say that?”
“Oh, Twilight. You think that Nightmare Moon and Discord were the only ones seeking to disrupt our peace? It is not so. And, it does one some good to be humble…” She cast a sidelong glance at Rainbow Dash. “One’s own pride and confidence in self is a good thing – but it can prove to be one’s downfall. Executioner One did defeat me and Luna. And I did learn something useful – do not judge others merely by their looks. That being said, I do not know why Discord would bring a machine like this to Equestria. We will need to do some research…” She sat down, rubbing her chin, deep in thought before standing back up.
“Oh, I cannot think here. Executioner?”
EXECUTIONER ONE ACKNOWLEDGES.
“I hate to sound like a little filly, but are we there yet?”
It ‘collapsed’ in a fit of giggles.
Priceless! That was classic, Princess!
AFFIRMATIVE. SECONDARY OBJECTIVE ACCOMPLISHED. The door behind them slid open and the eight mares trotted out, following the signs that would lead them outside.
They got out from the mech with no complications, apart from Rainbow Dash getting harassed by one of the maintenance droids she challenged to a duel.
As they stood in front of the mech, they could truly appreciate its size as it loomed above, stoic and uncompromising.
EXECUTIONER ONE HAS ARRIVED. PRIMARY OBJECTIVE=PENDING. SECONDARY OBJECTIVE=ACCOMPLISHED. HIGH VALUE INDIVIDUALS DELIVERED TO TARGET LOCATION. EXECUTIONER ONE, AWAITING ORDERS.
“Oh, um...” Celestia scratched her head for a moment. “Don't cause trouble, please.”
ACKNOWLEDGED. The hydraulics in its hull whirred and hissed as it looked at the town before it. There were dozens of ponies standing in its streets, all of them gazing both in fear and awe at the massive machine and the eight ponies standing in front of it.
Celestia coughed discreetly. Of course, Executioner One noticed that and turned to look at her.
“Uh, could I make an announcement?”
ACKNOWLEDGED. She nodded and took to skies, alighting on one of the mech's knees, turning around and addressing the Ponyville's citizens using her Royal Canterlot Voice.
“Greetings, my little ponies! We have a visitor from the stars! This machine goes by the name of Executioner One! I have spoken to it and have learned much about it. It is broken and needs time to fix itself. But do not worry! It has promised it bears no ill intent towards Equestria! So I ask that you all treat it as you would treat a pony. It will answer any questions any of you have if you desire to ask them!” Her voice fell silent and, for a couple of moments, she thought everypony was going to go for the good old-fashioned 'remain calm and panic immediately' routine. Then, she heard a faint voice from the crowd.
“...get the wubs going...”
Hmm?
Right then, a white unicorn sporting a neon blue mane and purple sunglasses stepped forward, the crowd around her parting as she teleported several loudspeakers, a microphone and lots more of DJ-related equipment in front of Executioner One, trotting up in front of the mech, looking up at it defiantly.
“Let's duel! Me and you! Let the best DJ win! Are you game?” The machine's subroutines considered the words for a couple of moments.
It 'shrugged', nonplussed, eyeing the challenger amusedly.
Good luck convincing this pile of scrap to play music, little one.
EXECUTIONER ONE ACCEPTS UNKNOWN ONE'S REQUEST. EXECUTIONER ONE IS GAME. LET THE BEST DJ WIN.
Wait, what? WHAT? How- But- This-
It was literally stumped by the response of its body – more novelty happenstance – a time when a Xalathii would be rendered speechless. After several more picoseconds, it 'shrugged' again.
Well, I guess I can at least see what happens...
“I am Vinyl Scratch! I wub for my friends! Whom do you wub for?” She spoke into the microphone, looking at the mech looming in front of her.
EXECUTIONER ONE WUBS FOR ORTALIA AND THE ASAHI EMPIRE. EXECUTIONER ONE WUBS FOR WAR AND THE GLORY OF THE BATTLEFIELD.
It 'collapsed' in laughter again, the almost-demented cackle echoing in the cyberspace it occupied.
I should have known that an Ortalian would be in charge of coding the subroutines! Wubs for Ortalia, indeed!
Calming down somewhat, it once more resumed observing what took place outside.
Celestia looked at the neon-maned unicorn in surprise.
”W-what? It's a machine of war, not music! Does it even know what music is?”
EXECUTIONER ONE, COMMENCING WITH WUBS. Celestia winced and took off, alighting near Luna and waited as strange noises emanated from the mech's loudspeakers – designed to drown out the clamour of any battle so that any present on the battlefield would know of the mech's presence. Many ponies winced and covered their ears as the mech... wubbed, for lack of a better term. The unicorn, Vinyl Scratch nodded in approval before starting to... wub as well. What sort of a word was 'wub'? Eh, must be a musician thing... Celestia shook her head, both amused and confused as she watched the two of them – a DJ on one side and a machine of destruction on the other side – blare strange... music, she guessed, at each other that she could not understand in the least, yet she saw numerous ponies nod in rhythm. She couldn't pick up a rhythm of any sort, truth be told. Still, quite a few of her ponies were... dancing along the music.
...BANGARANG, Executioner One declared, exterior lighting turning on and off in rhythm with the sounds it was producing. Vinyl was soon drowned out, but the unicorn merely grinned, stopping her own music as she watched the large machine turn this way and that, stomping about. It was much more agile than a construct its size had any right to be. A thought came to her mind and she grinned widely, teleporting herself atop Executioner One. Before she could do anything, the mech lurched forwards.
“WHERE ARE YOU TAKING ME, NOBLE STEED?” She shouted, lacing her voice with magic.
ONWARDS. FOR WUBS AND ORTALIA. WUBS FOR THE ASAHI EMPIRE. She chuckled before responding.
“TAKE US AROUND PONYVILLE, E1, MY FRIEND! LET US SHOW THEM THE GLORY OF OUR WUBS!”
ACKNOWLEDGED, VINYL SCRATCH. WUB. WUB. WUB. It rumbled again, starting to stride forwards, plotting a rough circle around Ponyville.
Nonsensical music time! If it were an organic, it would've been choking on its tongue by now from laughter. The way things were going now, well... a big group of ponies were following the mech and the DJ, most of them giggling in amusement as it marched onwards around the town, shaking the ground with its ponderous footsteps, Vinyl Scratch hollering gleefully from atop its hull, beatboxing in rhythm with Executioner One…
It was two hours and many more wubs later that Executioner One and its followers were back where they started. Vinyl teleported back to the ground and magicked her stuff away, then turned to face the mech again.
“You know your stuff, E1!”
ACKNOWLEDGED.
“Well, I guess I’ll see you sometime later, then! Bye!” With a final cheery nod and wave to Executioner One, she trotted off, humming to herself quietly.
I don’t even know what just happened… But these ponies aren’t running away from this chassis in sheer terror, so I guess it’s alright... Pffah… Wubs…
Celestia yawned widely, then turned to look at Twilight.
“Are you sure you’ve got everything under control, then?”
“Absolutely, princess!” The purple unicorn grinned and Celestia chuckled softly at her enthusiasm.
“Then I guess we best return to Canterlot, Luna.” The midnight blue alicorn nodded slowly.
“That would be for the best.” The two princesses took to skies, flying for the distant city of Canterlot. Many a pony cheered at the sight as they went back to their normal routine of the day, but they couldn’t help but cast hesitant glances at the stock-still mech just standing on the border of Ponyville…