Ghost woke up with the idea that something had taken off his hat and then hat beaten him with an acme-brick. It quickly became aware to him that they were moving… somehow. He slowly got up and watched around him. He was lying on a matrass on a cart, which seemed to belong to a caravan.
“What in the name of capitalism…”
Ghost took a better look of his surroundings, and he became aware that they were moving to a train station in the distance. On the caravan, a few ponies – the Engineer and some other fruit loop – were lying, while the others were moving with it. It seemed to be that half the capitalist Brony army was here.
“Hey Ghost!” someone said to him. “I guess that was quite a shocker, huh?”
Ghost turned around and saw that Suspicious Tumbleweed was looking at him. “Suspicious? Can you tell me what is going on around here?!”
Before Suspicious could react, the Justin Bieber bean-and-cheese Mexican kid – or, colt - turned around and looked at Ghost. “They are bringing us to our new home!”
This wasn’t happening.
“WHAT?! What are those talking horses trying to do?”
“We’re going to life in Ponyville, Ghost.” Suspicious said. “Except for DarkRazorz everyone is going to Ponyville. Celestia has given us a house to share there!”
“I am not going to join the herd!!! I am not going to join the herd!”
“Well, you already look the part, Ghost.” Asho teased him. “I think you will be grazing soon”
“I may look the part, but I’m John Conquest! The honorable founder of the Capitalist army and defender of the pride of Texas!”
“Of course you are Ghost…” Suspicious said.
“You better don’t find me when we are at Sixth Street, there youngsters. I’ve known all around these parts, I’m known all around…”
“Uh-uh…”
“So if you think that I will join you idiots into grazing on a perch or something, you’re wrong!”
“But Ghost,” Suspicious said while laughing, “We are civilized ponies! We don’t eat raw grass from the ground! Or are all humans still hunter-gatherers? We are just going to have a nice life in Ponyville! Isn’t that awesome?”
“Of course it is. Fruit bowl.”
Ghost looked around him and saw his hat lying next to him, and put it back on. The same went for his red bandana. Although he looked like a pony now, it would make him a bit more representable. Ghost jumped off the wagon and started to walk beside Karasz Kun, who didn’t seem too bothered by being all horsey and all. Ghost didn’t want to lose Karasz Kun in this madness! He was the one and only friend he ever had!
“You all right, there Karasz Kun?” Ghost asked him.
Karasz Kun was a bit startled from Ghost’ sudden arrival at the scene, but replied nonetheless. “Sure, Ghost, why wouldn’t I?”
What.
“We are talking horses, Karasz Kun! What is the matter with you?”
Karasz Kun shrugged. “Well, when in Rome… besides, it doesn’t look like we have much choice now anyway. Might as well enjoy it.”
Is he brainwashed?
Ghost mumbled something about fruit and talking over feminized horses and something about his need for some extra beer, and then left Karasz Kun. He couldn’t watch this happening. Ghost wasn’t sure of what to do. How could he get back to Texas for some Johnny Walker Blue Label and some extra beer on Sixth street? Scratch that. He would go to the restaurant, order those drinks as well as eating a whole plate full of shrimp.
“Put the cargo on board!” Ghost heard a pony shout. “We are leaving in ten minutes!”
Great. I am getting a ride to my destiny. I need cans to kick!
When Ghost walked around the train station and saw the train itself, he felt like he could puke. The wagons were al colored in many stupid bright colors… and then there was a locomotive that was pink as hell like it was painted with sugar sprinkled. It was so fruity to Ghost’s opinion that it seemed like it just jumped out of some stupid little girls cartoon.
Oh, wait…
Whatever.
Ghost saw how some unicorns took the cargo from the caravan with their fruity-ass magic and levitated it onto the carts at the back. He – and the others – were then guided towards the front wagons of the train. He saw how his fans – or trolls – entered the cart. Elfoxoloco, Karasz Kun, Asho with Suspicious right behind him, Equestrian Citizen with his daughter, the Engineer, Tzeki and some other ponies. Great.
“Are you coming along, Ghost?” Tzeki asked. Stupid British moron.
“Yeah, yeah… I’m coming,” Ghost said. He then trotted over to the train, disgusted by the sound of hearing his own hooves clop to the ground, and then he hopped on board.
When he walked into the cabin, he saw some sort of beds… or banks set up in a row. The walls were painted beige, but had pink flowers on them… and then there were those green curly glass wall things that separated the benches. I hate this place. I want to go back to Texas!
Asho and Suspicious had already taken two couches and were lying next to each other. Figures. Suspicious is practically a big sister for him. Those two moronic Bronies cannot be separated.
Ghost sighed. He saw Equestrian Citizen comfort his daughter – what was her name… Becky? – and take a seat himself. A pony with a brown coat… Ghost thought. Figures. I wouldn’t even have to play ‘guess the minority’ here… everyone can see that is an Alabama black snake.
“All aboard for Ponyville!” Ghost heard the conductor shout. Well, welcome to Bronyville. Idiots.
Ghost sighed and lied down on one of the benches. They were soft enough, but Ghost didn’t like the way he sat on it. Like he was a dog or something. It wouldn’t mind him so much if he was a human being, but now it pissed him off. When I come to Bronyville, I will search for beer. Cold beer. And Johnny Walker, if those talking horses even heard of it. Actually, anything with alcohol will suffice.
The train departed from the station. Ghost saw how Asho, Suspicious, Becky and Tzeki were playing a board game together –How did they even get that thing? did they buy that somewhere in Camelot while I was out cold? Ghost then noticed that NavyHuskie was sitting beside Asho, wagging his tail happily. The happy dog. Stupid idiots with this over feminized crap…. On the other side of the wagon Elfoxoloco, Karasz Kun and Equestrian Citizen were talking about… something.
But there was another pony that seemed to be a bit depressed, muttering while looking outside the window. It was the Engineer.
Ghost decided to cheer him up a bit… for as well as he could do that, anyway.
“Engineer?” Ghost asked. “How’s it going, man?”
“na-aah-aah-aa-neigh!” Engineer responded. He really has to do something about his neighing…
“I know, Engineer. I too want to go home. And when I do, I go right to sixth street for a beer! Want to join me?”
“nja-aah-aah-neigh-ah!”
“Don’t be so fruity, Engineer. We don’t need more fruit bowls here in fruit bowl Brony land!”
“nja-aah-aaah-ah!”
That’s enough, Ghost thought. I’m not going to lose the Engineer on this one. That fruit bowl actually thinks about being a pony and live in Bronyville? What is wrong with him? But then again, he is desperate and hopes for a good situation… and thus thinks about accepting it.
I now truly believe that Liberal Communist Soviet Russian midgets are behind this. They were the ones conspiring, and now I am in a dream state where I believe everything. They try to seduce me by letting me believe that everyone is against me. But it has always been me against the world! So no, I will not give in! Hahahaha! Woo! They’re gonna get it!
Ghost pondered a bit about how he can get the Engineer his sanity back, but decided to let that go for now. There were more pressing issues at the moment. For instance, we had Karasz Kun. Ghost truly cared about the kid and wasn’t about to let him go. Karasz Kun is not going to graze on a field. Not on his watch!
Ghost left the Engineer’s side and went over to Karasz Kun , who was sitting alone and was watching through the window. Ghost saw that Karasz Kun was in deep thoughts about something, although Ghost couldn’t exactly figure what it might be. Perhaps something about him becoming all furry and pony and all that shit.
He was a melting pot of friendship. He wouldn’t let Karasz Kun down and let him fight the liberal communist soviet midgets alone.
“How you doing there, Karasz Kun?” Ghost said.
Karasz Kun jumped up a bit, surprised by Ghost who was now suddenly behind him. “Oh, hello Mr. Conquest.”
“It is John for friends, Karasz Kun,” Ghost said. “So, how you doing? I mean, you still in the fight to get back home?”
“Well…”
“Of course you are, Karasz Kun!” Ghost patted him on the shoulder. “I really wouldn’t have it any other way! You and I are going to get back home!”
“Actually…”
“Actually what?” Ghost asked.
“I am actually wondering if I should,” Karasz Kun said. “I mean, take a look outside! See how peaceful and beautiful this place is! It is nice, quiet, and a bit adventurous sometimes and I can forget and leave behind all my troubles I had on Earth… so I’m actually going to give it a chance here.”
Both didn’t say anything for a while, leaving Ghost thus speechless. It is confirmed. The liberal Soviet midgets did this. On the background, they heard Elfoxoloco, Asho, Suspicious and the others playing a boardgame which Asho seemed to be winning – by cheating, of course. It was something he obviously had learned while going with his mother to Applebee’s.
But Ghost didn’t care. He only took in the words that Karasz Kun had said to him. Karasz Kun was the one and only friend he had in his life, and he now had lost him to the talking horses. And he had lost the Engineer to the talking horses. Why is it that everyone around me, everyone that I used to know is now becoming a Brony? Can’t we stop with this crap? Just… just…. JUST….
Ghost couldn’t take it anymore. He went to the exit of the train, opened the door, stood there in the doorway and made a lot of curses towards princess Celestia and princess Luna, so hard that everyone could hear it. and then, he puked the contents of his stomach onto the ground below. The game that Asho – while cheating - was winning was now put down and everypony looked and smirked on how extremely stupid Ghost was behaving. It was something they had never seen before – well, they had heard it some many times before, with all those beer cans that Ghost had molested and abused over the years.
How about I just jump off the train? Ghost thought. If you die in a dream, you wake up, right?
He looked below and saw that the train was driving quite fast.
Nah, I don’t want to drop into Limbo. If that means that those liberal Soviet midgets can pester me for decades long, I rather stay here in Bronyland for just a few weeks.
“Ghost?” he heard someone say. Ghost turned around to find Karasz Kun there. “We are going to play some poker. Luckily they have cards here in Equestria. Want to join us?”
As being a great Texan, Ghost could of course not refuse a solid game of cards. He followed Karasz Kun back into the train cart where he found Elfoxoloco and Equestrian Citizen sitting there. Becky was now in the hands… or, hooves, of Suspicious Tumbleweed, who seemed to enjoy babysitting the children. Of course Asho needed one… he is only eight!
For the rest of the time until they would arrive in Ponyville they were playing cards. This would often be interrupted by Equestrian Citizen claiming someone was cheating or Ghost who got into a rant about some reason or another, with the occasional swearing and mixed-up ramblings. But that, of course, is how we knew Ghost.
The fact that were not really that many cans in Equestria was a good thing, for now Ghost couldn’t abuse them. He did deliver some curses and insults towards the other players during the game. When he was being confronted by Equestrian Citizen why he was so racist, he of course delivered the fine statement that he was a melting pot of friendship and that he had a whole bunch of friends that happened to be black.
But everything would eventually come to an end, and the same was for this game: “Ponyville station, next stop, Ponyville station,” the conductor announced. The members of the Melting Pot packed up their belongings and went for the train exit.
The first impression everyone got was answered with a lot of ‘’oohs’’ and ‘’aahs’’ and some mumbling from the Engineer. Only Ghost was silent, who was pissed off by just looking at this fruity ass town. Couldn’t those milky-licking talking horse fruit bowls at least make houses without pink doors? It made him sick.
The train came then came to a stop, and they had arrived at their destination: Ponyville station.
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Despite the fact that there was a human group that landed right here in Ponyville, both Twilight and Spike hadn’t seen a lot of it. both had slept through most of it. the whole town actually slept through it, except for Lyra who was extremely agitated to see them. but most of them had left by morning. Most of said humans wanted to join the military and were thus send to Canterlot or Cloudsdale. Only a few ponified humans were left behind, and that only seemed to be around half a dozen. The only thing that both Twilight and Spike had seen from the whole thing was that some ponies had set up a few tents right by the hospital, but they weren’t needed, so they were taken down almost instantly.
The others, however, had already spoken with some of the humans. They seemed to like them. it was actually weird that Twilight actually was somepony who had not seen a human yet. She heard that Pinkie Pie tried to make friends with one of the humans, and the guy instantly loved her. Like her already knew her for years. Maybe that is a human custom, Twilight thought.
Celestia had written Twilight and the rest of Ponyville a letter about what the humans were. Twilight had heard about them – as well as those who fell victim to Lyra – but it was nice that the princess at least would send an explanation. So, Twilight went this morning to Mayor Mare, who in turn gathered all the citizens of Ponyville and told them about the humans the plan. The only one who was against it was Bon-Bon, who was afraid that Lyra would go nuts (which Lyra did). The other citizens of Ponyville shrugged it off and found it an interesting idea, and said that they would accept the humans with open arms. Despite the fact that everypony seemed to like it, Twilight still found it weird that the humans saw the ponies as legends from some fictional story, but didn’t try to think much of it.
But anyway: Twilight later heard that Fluttershy had also taken a human in. this particular human was somehow turned into a cat. That was weird, since Celestia had thought that the humans would only turn into ponies and perhaps a griffin. The now-human turned cat had a light grey fur and green eyes. Twilight heard that cat listened to the name ‘’Spermy’’ or whatever that was supposed to mean. Fluttershy had said to her that Spermy was happy in his new home, but that it was pouring a strange liquid everywhere that Fluttershy had to clean up. Humans are weird… but I shouldn’t be prejudiced. Perhaps it will all be fine…
But when Twilight wanted to go and visit and check up on said cat, the Princess wrote the Ponyvillians a second letter that she found it a better idea if the humans that landed in Canterlot were send to Ponyville. it would be something around ten ponies. Although there haven’t been any problems so far – beside the fact that the princesses were vague in their intentions – a lot of things bothered Twilight. She had heard from humans before in her old books. As far as Twilight knew, humans were intelligent, adaptive to any environment and also pretty violent. The fact that so many of the humans in Ponyville went for a career in the military didn’t really make her doubts go away.
But she wanted to give them a chance, and went together with Spike to the train station.
When they got there, the train just had arrived from Canterlot. The Cutie Mark Crusaders were also there to see what was up, as well as Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie.
“~good morning!!! Isn’t this exciting?” Pinkie said. “Are you excited? Cause I’m so excited I have never been so excited well except for the time that I could dance together with all those dandy ponies in Canterlot and all went - ”
“Pinkie, please…” Rainbow Dash interrupted her. “I just woke up, I only want to see what those humans look like.”
“Just woke up?” Twilight asked. “It is ten in the morning, aren’t you…” she realized who she was talking to. “Never mind.”
“yeah, Rainbow Dash! Why would you miss on all the fun?” Pinkie asked, but Rainbow Dash didn’t reply.
Pinkie didn’t keep asking, because the humans just came out of the train. She gasped. “Oooohh….”
Twilight didn’t really know what to think of these… things. They were turned into ponies, sure, but how would they behave? She took a step back and watched.
“Come on, Twilight! Those humans cannot be that scary!” Spike said. he walked towards one of the pony-turned humans. It had become an Earth pony, and it wore a Stetson just like Applejack had. “Maybe those humans have interesting things to talk about! Come on Twilight, Just try!” Spike said to Twilight.
Twilight, unsure of she could trust the humans, walked towards the one that Spike pointed. She looked at the human. “uh… hello?”
The human was pissed. “I’M A CAPITALIST! SHUT UP WITH THAT HELLO! STUPID TARA STRONG PIECE OF CRAP!”
The human then stampeded towards a bit of grass and stomped his hoof while letting out a curse.
“Well…” Twilight said. “That was interesting all right.”
Spike sighed. This is not how he expected the humans to be. Not like this at all, actually. Maybe he had to try a human that wasn’t in such a bad mood. Spike looked around and saw that the other ponies had better conversations. The Cutie Mark Crusaders seemed interested in a foal and what seemed to be his big sister. Twilight saw how Apple Bloom was a bit disappointed in the fact that the foal already had his cutie mark… whatever it was supposed to mean. What was it, some sort of pancake? It was a strange sight, a pancake with some sort of yellow and brown stuff coming out of it. Spike couldn’t actually see what those cutie marks would actually mean. For instance, that strange guy who was shouting at Twilight had a cutie mark in the form of a skull wearing a bandana and a hat. What kind of special talent could come from that? Beheading ponies? Burying the dead? Spike couldn’t figure it, and sighed.
Well, there were more human ponies, and good ones too! Pinkie seemed to have fun with two ponies. One of them was a stallion with a brown coat. The other one was a filly and it seemed like she was his daughter.
In the meantime, some more ponies had arrived on the scene – Lyra, who seemed to be extremely happy to see more humans, Bon-Bon, who only was here to keep an eye on Lyra, Doctor Whooves, who also seemed to be interested in humans, and there was Derpy and her daughter Dinky, Caramel, Colgate and Berry Punch as well as Applejack, Granny Smith and Big Macintosh. And, if Spike heard it right this morning, the Apple family was hoping that one of the humans would stay at the farm. They could always use another muscle, more so because Applebuck season and Cider season were not too far from now.
Spike decided to walk over to the Cutie Mark Crusaders, who were still talking to that mare with her little brother. They don’t actually look like brothers, but okay…
“Hey, there!” Spike said to the mare.
The mare looked up, and smiled. “Hey, Spikey-wickey!”
Spike looked flabbergasted. “You know my name?”
The mare was a bit taken aback, but recollected herself quickly. “um, yeah, of course. You are the nr. 1 assistant of the Element of Magic, right?”
“Sure! The one and only!” Spike said with a grin on his face. “But who are you?”
“I am Suspicious Tumbleweed, and this here is my friend, Asho.” She said while pointing at the colt. So that wasn’t her bother after all.
It bothered Spike a bit on how the humans behaved like they knew him and the Cutie Mark Crusaders for years, but he shrugged it off. Perhaps it was just a human custom of sorts. Besides, the humans only seemed to know the world of Equestria because of some sort of legend, but had nothing else to base themselves on; this was a world they did not know, and it seemed logical to welcome them with open arms to make them feel welcome. Later on, they hopefully could explain –and adjust – their customs.
But for now, humans were an unknown. Like that grumpy stallion who called Twilight a… what was it? ‘’Tearing Song’’ or something?
“You okay, Spike? You are a bit quiet, amigo.” Asho said.
“Huh, what?” Spike said. “O, yeah, I’m good.”
“So… you are here to check up on the humans, huh?” Suspicious asked. “it must be quite a shocker to you, seeing all these new people come here…”
“People?” Apple Bloom asked. “What in the hay are ‘people’?”
“ehm…” Suspicious mumbled, thinking. “Well, that is what we call each other in our place, while you say ‘ponies’. In your world you guys say ‘other ponies’ while we say ‘other people’.”
“So you guys say ‘everypeople’ instead of ‘everypony’?” Sweetie Belle asked her.
“No, for that it is ‘everyone’, just like ‘anybody’ and ‘anybody’.”
The Cutie Mark Crusaders looked at her, confused. Ultimately, Sweetie Belle reacted. “Why does human language have to be so hard?!”
“ah know, right?” Apple Bloom said. “That guy with that bandana and hat on really has a lot of words I never heard of before?”
“Really?” Spike asked her.
“Ya, like ‘milky licker’ and ‘over femi… fem… femin…’”
“Over-feminized fruits?” Suspicious asked, smirking.
“Yah! That was it!”
“That is not human language. That is just Ghost being… Ghost.”
“ow…” Scootaloo asked. “So you guys have different languages for each person?”
Sweetie Belle sighed. “Why does human language have to be so complicated?”
That made Asho and Suspicious laugh. “Don’t you guys worry. Ghost is just one… very special somepony.” Suspicious remarked.
“Oh! You mean something like Pinkie?” Scootaloo asked her.
“I think he will be just like Pinkie, but then her evil counterpart,” Suspicious remarked.
How do they know so much about Pinkie’s randomness? Spike wondered. Never mind. Must be a human thing. but I don’t understand any of it.
“Oh… no ah see…” Apple Bloom said. “He will be something like Pinkie when she wanted to bake cupcakes and…”
Asho quickly stopped her. “You know what? It is too early for that kind of stories.”
Apple Bloom frowned. “ah was only going to tell that she ran out of eggs at Sugarcube Corner and had to steal them from ‘our farm because we weren’t home at the time…”
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU OVER FEMINIZED FRUIT BOWL? YOU RECITING POETRY NOW? YOU’RE TROLLING WITH POETRY?” Spike heard the grumpy pony yell. It was followed by calling a god numerous times and a lot of what seemed to be cursing.
“IF WE WERE AT SIXTH STREET, I WOULD BE WOPING YOUR MY-LITTLE-PONY ASS ALL THE WAY TO MEXICO, YOU UNGRATEFUL TALKING-HORSE IDIOT!”
Spike, the Cutie Mark Crusaders, Asho and Suspicious walked towards the yelling to see what the fuss was about.
“YOU TALKING HORSES PIECES OF SHIT ARE TRYING TO TEAR ME DOWN, BUT IT WON’T HAPPEN! YOU HEAR THAT BOY? I WILL WOOP YOUR GREEN MILE ASS AND DRAG IT THROUGHOUT MEXICO AND CANADA ALL THE WAY TO FRUITLAND!”
There, Spike saw the pony who had also been yelling at Twilight make a scene towards Cosmic, who was levitating a paper in front of him. The poor pony wanted to make a grand entrance welcome for the humans but failed to do so, simply because he took the wrong human.
But Pinkie Pie intervened.
“Hey there, cowpony! What you need is a good laugh!” She said with a large smile. That pony would go to any lengths to make friends… Spike thought.
“Now we’re gonna get it…” Suspicious said.
“Who do you think is going to win?” Asho said, but his question was unanswered.
“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?” the pony raged, now against Pinkie.
“Ow, you’re just a tiny bit umpy-bumpy-grumpy, aren’t you? What’s your name?”
“My name is John Conquest, you over feminized piece of - ”
“Well, Johnny, what you need is something to place your anger on. Here, have some empty cans.” She walked towards a tree and pulled out a lot of empty beer cans. “Enjoy!” she said with a smile.
John Conquest didn’t wait, but almost immediately duck into the pile of cans and said a lot of words that were alien to Spike. He seemed to cool down though.
“My heart is beating like a rabid monkey…” John remarked.
“What you need is a good drink!” Pinkie said, and he gave him a can. “Enjoy!”
The Earth pony opened the can and seemed to be smiling. “Aah! Beer! Finally….”
But he spat out the first bit of juice he got in. “WHAT KIND OF FRUITY AND OVERFEMINIZED CRAP IS THIS?”
Pinkie Pie shrugged. “Well, duh, of course it is fruity! It is apple cider!”
“APPLE CIDER? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? ALL YOU OVER FEMINIZED TALKING HORSE MY LITTLE PONY FRUIT BOWL MIDGET HORSES GOT IS APPLE CIDER? YOUR GUT - ” and then he went into the pile of cans again.
Pinkie hopped happily towards the Cutie Mark Crusaders, Spike, Asho and Suspicious and said, almost with a whisper. “This is going to be a hard nut to crack! But I’m sure he will make a wonderful friend!”
Spike sighed. Pinkie would just keep trying with this violent raging human. This was going to be a long day…