The Doctor Of Oz

by defender2222


Chapter 1

Spike yawned as he walked down the stairs, rubbing his eyes in a futile attempt to remove the sleep from them. "Hey Twilight, two questions."

"Yes Spike?" Twilight asked, flipping through a book, an utterly bored expression flashing across her features.

"First off, do we have any more of the macaroni salad from last night?"

"I think there is a bit in the fridge.”

"Sweet.”

“You aren’t seriously going to eat that for breakfast, are you?” Twilight asked in disgust. When the baby dragon merely nodded Twilight rolled her eyes and muttered, “boys.”

“Second question... why am I black and white?" The unicorn glanced up at the baby dragon, who was holding out his hand. The normally brilliant purple scales that adorned him were now a muted gray, while his belly was a pale grayish-white and his spines were black."And why are you black and white as well?" Spike asked, before his eyes widened in horror. "Oh no... is Discord running amuck?"

"No, he's busy bothering the griffins, last a heard."

"Are you sure? Are you sure you haven't been Discorded and Fluttershy isn't going to burst in here and beat us up?" The baby dragon whimpered at the memory…

~MC~MC~MC~

“Give me your lunch money!” Discorded Fluttershy screamed.

“Here it is!” Spike whimpered.

“Good,” Fluttershy said, pausing for a moment before reaching down and grasping Spike’s underwear. “WEDGIE!”

~MC~MC~MC~

“And that’s why I don’t want pants anymore.”

"It isn’t Discord. If it was Discord, do you think the library would be black and white as well?" Twilight tapped her chin. "Actually, I think the proper term is grayscale..."

"Twilight... why do we look like this?"

"Oh, sorry Spike," Twilight said. Her horn glowed a pale whitish color and a small book floated over to the baby dragon. "I was trying out a new chameleon spell last night and I must have mixed up a few words."

"Oh... ok," Spike said, making his way to the kitchen. He had long gotten use to Twilight mixing up a spell and causing havoc (after he’d woken up cuddling in her arms after that botched Love Potion #9 incident, nothing had phased him). "As long as being black and white-"

"Grayscale."

"-doesn't affect my taste buds." Spike pulled out the tub and happily began to chow down. "So, what are we gonna do today?"

"Nothing," the unicorn said glumly. Twilight looked out her window, eyes narrowed in annoyance. "Spike, do you remember that chant performed by adolescent ponies that is suppose to drive monsoons from the area for a period greater than 24 hours?"

Spike, one hand holding the salad and another a battered copy of Lunassic Park (which was about an island where Princess Luna had cloned large lizards which ended up breaking free), looked over at his friend/mentor/sister/mother/jailkeeper (depending on which fanon you subscribe to). Having spent so much time with her, he had become apt at translating 'Twilight Speak' and thus understood right away what she was getting at. "Do you mean "Rain, rain, go away, come again another day"?"

"That's the one," Twilight said with a sigh. "Do you think I can chant it now and make it work, or should I don some festive robes and light some candles before invoking those dark forces?"

"Why are you upset, Twilight? I would have thought you'd like the fact that you now had an excuse to just stay inside and read books."

"Normally I would," Twilight admitted. "But I had been planning this experiment to determine to velocity of an unladen swallow and now I have to put it off. The addition of rain to the test run would only corrupt the data."

"Zebrica or Equestrian?"

"Huh?"

"What kind of swallow?" Spike asked, settling down in a chair with his book and food. "I mean, I couldn't see a Zebrican swallow being able to beat one that lived here, since an Equestrian swallow would know the lay of the land..."

"I don't know what kind of swallows they are," Twilight complained, trotting over to her couch and flopping upon it in a very not-Twilight sort of way. "What do I look like, a bird... identifying... pony?"

"Bird identifying pony?" Spike said in confusion.

"Lay off," Twilight grunted.

"I'm just surprised you don't know what type of swallow it is. I mean, you know everything."

"Not when it comes to birds. Do I look like Scootaloo?"

Spike's eyes lit up in delight. "Did I tell you about the new origin story I heard about her? You see-"

"Spike," Twilight said sternly, cutting him off, "no one wants to hear another origin story."

"Better than hearing Pinkie tell those tales about the black alicorn with silver wings."

"Agreed," Twilight said with a shudder. The unicorn looked up at the ceiling for a few minutes, not really saying or even thinking anything (she found the experience odd and was eternally grateful she wasn't one of the background ponies that lived around Ponyville, forced to act that way day in and day out). "Why did the pegasi have the schedule a thunderstorm today of all days? Why not next week or never ever?" she whined.

"Uh, Twi?" Spike said, brow furrowed. "They didn't schedule a thunderstorm."

"They didn't?" Twilight said, eyeing the dark sky outside her window. She suddenly realized that maybe her grayscale spell had affected the sky too and what she thought were rainclouds were in fact light, puffy clouds.

"Nope."

"Oh... well great! Now I can do my experiment!" She trotted to the door and threw it open, "Spike, get my-"

"They did schedule a tornado, though" Spike called out.

"Say what now?"

"A-"

A great roaring sound filled their ears and the two friends turned just in time to see a MASSIVE twister bearing down upon the Ponyville LIbrary.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!" Twilight slammed the door shut and quickly locked every deadbolt she had (she'd installed them to prevent Pinkie from sneaking in and using her bathtub to make homemade frosting... don't ask, it is a long story). Using her magic, Twilight quickly pulled Spike under the table, covering her eyes as the library trembled.

"Why did you lock the door?" Spike asked, using his book as a makeshift helmet.

"What?" Twilight called out over the roar of the storm.

"Why did you lock the door?"

"To keep the tornado out!" Twilight called out over the roar of the twister.

"That doesn't-"

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!

"Don't say a word," Twilight whispered. "Maybe it will think we aren't at home and go bother some other pony."

"It's a tornado, Twilight, not a Luna's Witness!"

Before Twilight could make a retort there was a final boom and the roaring of the storm became quite muted. Twilight huffed, trotting over to the door with a superior smile on her face. "What did I tell you, Spike? The twister moved on." Twilight undid her locks and opened the door. "Now then... hey, I don't remember Cloudsdale being directly under the libraAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Twilight fell backwards as the library, which had been ripped from its foundation and was now spinning about in the main wall of the tornado, tilted this way and that, sending books, scrolls, ponies and baby dragons bashing against the floor and walls. Twilight looked out the open door, gasping as she saw roadsigns, a cow, half of the Sugarcube Corner sign and Derpy in a big blue police box go flying by.

"Twilight... if we die, I just want you to know..."

"I know Spike... me too."

Spike blinked. "Wait, you also stole 20 bits out of your saddle bag."

"... what?!?!" Twilight screamed. "I knew you took those bits! Spike how could-"

BOOM!

The pony and baby dragon both groaned, rubbing their heads. One moment they had been twisting in the air, caught in the raging grasp of the tornado... and now they were suddenly still. The books had stopped flying and they could get to their feet and hooves without pitching back and forth.

"Is it over?" Spike whispered.

"I... I think so." Twilight slowly stood up, only to blink when she looked down at her legs. "Hey, our color is back!"
Spike grinned, kissing his hands. "Oh, I'm purple again! Thank Celestia."

Twilight nodded her head, glancing out the window to see that the sky was now bright and sunny with puffy white clouds floating overhead. "And it looks like the storm cleared up too! Come on, let's go make sure no other pony was hurt." The mare took two steps out of the library before stopping dead, causing Spike to ram into her flank. "Wow...."

"Geez, Twilight, why did... you..." Spike's jaw dropped as he took in the landscape. Having lived in Ponyville for the last few years, Spike had grown use to the houses being overly bright and colorful. The bakery was shaped like a cupcake, Rainbow Dash's house had rainbows gushing out of it... the word 'subtle' didn't exist in the lexicon of Ponyville architects.

But the village Twilight and Spike found themselves staring at made Ponyville look like a rock farm. The houses were painted up with strips and polka dots and swirls, the flowers towered over them and the street lamps were made of candy canes. To their left were houses shaped like fruits and to their right the buildings looked like old phones and typewriters. The grass was green and blue and the clouds actually had faces on them that grinned and flashed smiles at the baffled two.

"Where... where are we?" Spike muttered.

"Maybe this is Ponytown," Twilight said, leaning down to sniff one of the flowers only to find that it smelled like freshly baked cherry pie.

"You know, someone needs to talk to the princesses about how she names towns."

"What do you mean?" Twilight asked.

"Every place in Equestria is either a pun or has the word Pony- in it."

"...oh Spike, you are just so silly!" Twilight laughed and began to trot around the library, inspecting it for damage. "This isn't one of you conspiracy theories, is it?"

"The parliament is totally hiding information about ufos and I am going to prove it! That cigarette smoking pony is up to no good!" Spike exclaimed. "Besides, this isn't a theory, it is a fact! I mean, there is Ponyville, Ponytown, Ponyberg, Ponycity, Pony Village-"

"Technically I think Pony Village is a hamlet and not a town..."

"Then there is Manehattan and Detrot and Fillydelphia and Winniepeg and Prance and-"

“Ok, ok, I get it,” Twilight said in annoyance. Finishing her walk around the library, the unicorn let out a breath. “Ok, good… looks like nothing was harmed.”

“Except for Zecora,” Spike said.

“What about Zecora?”

“She was harmed.”

“Really?” Twilight said with concern. “Where is she?”

“Under the library,” Spike said, pointing to a set of legs protruding from the library’s foundation. The baby dragon blinked, his words finally registering in his brain. “AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!”

Twilight let out a scream, scrambling away as she watched Zecora’s legs twitch, the ruby red shoes she was were gleaming in the sunlight. “Oh Celestia, we killed her!”

“I need a knife!” Spike cried out.

“What?”

“A knife! We have to cut her up and throw her body parts into Soggy Bottom Bog! Then we take this to our graves!”

Twilight stared at Spike in horror. “We are not cutting Zecora up and tossing her in a bog!”

The baby dragon nodded. “You’re right! We’ll just plant the knife on her and tell the cops she was waving it around… while drunk! Every pony in this town is racist so they’ll believe us!”

Twilight used her magic to grab Spike and give him a good shake. “What are you talking about? Zecora is our friend… we are not going to lie about this and tell the cops she was waving a knife around!”

“It is the only way, Twilight!” Spike said in a panic. “Do you think we are going to be able to get away with this? This is murder!”

Twilight frowned. “Well, I don’t think Equestria really has any rules on murder… or any laws, really. Heck, our most dangerous weapons are pies-“

“Twilight!” Spike screamed, fear radiating from his little body. “It doesn’t matter if the most deadly weapon is an éclair! They are going to arrest us and… and…”


“Send us to magical kindergarten?” Twilight whimpered.

“…jail, Twi… they are going to send us to jail. Do you know what they make you do in jail?” Twilight shook her head, her own fear slowly growing with each passing second. “Toss the salad! I hate salads and I suck at tossing them!”

"Spike, I don't care what kind of cuisine they serve in prison! We are not going to lie about this and sully Zecora's name." Spike opened his mouth, only to find it shut tight by Twilight's magic. "No excuses, Spike. We are going to handle this sanely and rationally."

Spike's eyes doubled in size when he heard the sound of marching hooves coming towards them. "Oh no, the popo is coming!"

Twilight rolled her eyes. "Spike... breathe." The baby dragon nodded, taking several deep breaths. "Since you are so hyper, I will take care of this, understood? I will explain what happened and they will see it was an accident." Her assistant nodded his head. "Good." Twilight turned, taking several calming breaths of her own.

To their amazement, the ponies that turned the corner and approached them weren't stallions in full battle armor but little fillies and colts, dressed up in garish purple outfits and silly hats. Leading the charge where Applejack and Rarity's sisters and Rainbow Dash's... uh... uh...uh…

"Hello there!" the fillies called out together. "We are-"

"Zecora came at us with a knife!" Twilight shouted.

Spike slowly turned his head, staring at her like she had suddenly turned into a strange human-like creature with purple skin and hair (which would, for some unknown reason, make other humans scream in rage and declare that such a thing was ruining everything).

"...okay," one of the fillies said slowly. "While that is strange and a bit random, we thank you for sharing it. Now then, may we have your names?"

"I am William T. Dragon, but most ponies call me Spike! This is my friend, Twilight Drusilla Sparkle."

"That isn't my name," Twilight said dryly. She turned towards the three lead fillies. "Come on, girls, you know who we are, stop playing around. Why are you dressed like that?"

"I am afraid you are mistaken," the orange filly said. "We've never met you before, have we girls?" The other two fillies nodded in agreement.

"Applebloom, Sweetie Belle-"

'Applebloom' frowned. "I'm not Applebloom!"

"Then who are you?" Spike asked, before letting out a gasp. "Changelings!" he leapt onto Twilgiht's head and forced her horn down so it was pointed at the fillies. "Don't make a move! This thing is loaded and I know how to use it!"

The white unicorn filly giggled. "You're silly! And my name isn't Sweetie Belle. I'm Bellie Sweet!"

"I'm Bloomin' Apple!" 'Applebloom' declared.

The orange mare nodded. "And I am Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fana Bo Besca III."

Twilight and Spike just looked at each other. "I'm just going to call you Scootaloo, ok?"

"Works for me!" Princess Banana Fana the Third stated with a grin. "Now then, allow us to greet you!"

"Greet us?"

"Yes!" the girls cried out as one. "For we represent the Lollipop Guild and are here to greet you! LOLLIPOP GUILD GREETERS!"

Twilight and Spike glanced at each other and slowly began to back away. "Well, this has been disturbing but I think I left my oven on so-"

"Girls!" Scootaloo cried out. "Look at this!" The other fillies hurried over, each grabbing a stick and poking at Zecora's legs.

"We're boned," Spike muttered.

"You... you killed her," Bloomin' Apple said softly. "You killed the Wicked Witch!"

"We didn't mean to, we just- say what now?" Twilight said, raising an eyebrow. “Witch?”

"Ding down the witch is dead! Which old witch? The wicked witch! Ding dong the wicked witch is dead!" the fillies sang.

Spike turned to Twilight, a smug grin on his face. "See? Racists."