The bright morning sun bathed the streets of Ponyville with light, which allowed Thunderball to catch his first proper glimpse of the town. Its thatched cottages and dirt streets lacked the architectural pedigree of Canterlot, with its prominent stone architecture, or of newer cities like Manehattan, built of steel and concrete. Still, it had a certain rustic charm about it and a friendly atmosphere.
Yet beneath the surface lurked a cancer far more deadly than any Equestria had faced before. Even the great wars, such as the Lunar Rebellion and the Griffon Invasion were open conflicts whose participants could be identified and attacked. Changelings were amorphous, insidious foes who required more intensive measures.
At the same time, the strong emphasis Celestia had placed on harmony for the past thousand years had turned Equestria into a country where those measures would never be taken, save for the gravest of circumstances. It was easy to justify scanning soldiers and government employees for signs of replacement or mind control, but everypony went home to friends and family, who could not be investigated so thoroughly. They had their rights, even if changelings had proven their ability to impersonate loved ones and close friends.
The delicious scent of baked bread and sweet frosting wafted through the air, heralding their approach to Sugarcube Corner. If Twilight found a changeling, there was no telling what could happen; the bug could be wired to explode with a deadmare switch, or resort to taking hostages from the long line of patrons leading out of the shop. He took in a deep breath and prepared himself for the worst as Twilight walked through the door.
"Twilight!" Pinkie Pie jumped over the counter to meet her friend as Twilight stepped into the shop. "How've you been? It's been forever since we've seen each other! And who's your friend? I know everypony in Ponyville, but I haven't seen him before so he must be new! I love it when a new pony comes into town, because that means I can make a new friend, and I'm friends with everypony! Hey mister, want to be friends?"
Twilights shook her head. "Pinkie, it's been two days. And this is Thunderball. He's a guest of mine."
"Wow, that's great! Let me be the first to say 'hi' and give you a big Ponyville welcome!" Pinkie promptly pulled out her party cannon from...somewhere and fired it, covering him in confetti. He stared at the pink pony and blinked slowly, unsure of how to react.
"Hey! So, you want some cupcakes? They're so moist and delicious! Everypony's getting one!"
The prospect of baked goods was enough to kick Thunderball's brain back into gear. "I wouldn't mind a few." His comment was immediately followed by numerous complaints from the crowd. "Although the other customers might object to me cutting in line. Maybe I should come by later."
"Okie–dokie–lokie!" Pinkie leaped over the counter once again and quickly began serving ponies. "Bye you two! Enjoy the rest of your fanfic — I mean, day!"
"So, changeling?" Thunderball asked as they walked into the street, certain that it was the only explanation for the pony's bizarre behavior.
"No, Pinkie. She's the Element of Laughter, after all."
'I wasn't aware that laughter equaled insanity,' Thunderball thought to himself. Pinkie Pie was certainly an eccentric pony, but she might prove useful. After all, she mentioned that she knew everypony in town; even if it was an exaggeration, she could help point out newcomers, unusual citizens, or other suspicious activity. Then again, she did seem a little…unfocused.
Thunderball came to an abrupt stop in front of the Carousel Boutique as Twilight knocked on the door.
"Twilight! Oh do come in,darling," a cultured voice inside beckoned. They stepped inside to see Rarity casually tearing the stitching out of a dress. "How have you been lately? I'm sorry I haven't visited, but I've been so preoccupied with these orders for the Gala!"
"I'm glad to hear business is going so well, Rarity!" Twilight pulled out the Element of Magic and placed it on her head. "I was hoping to get your opinion on something very important; do you think the Element of Harmony goes well with my royal attire?"
"Oh, I'm so glad you asked," Rarity gushed as she then began appraising Twilight's clothing to the exclusion of everything else. Thunderball quietly waited the conversation out in a corner. A sharp hiss caught his attention, and he looked down to see a fluffy white cat batting her paws at him in a threatening manner. He did his best to ignore it until the cat scratched his legs.
Thunderball walked over to the nearest set of curtains and began rubbing his mane along it until his hairs stood up on end. He then walked over to the cat and waited for it to scratch him again. The instant the cat's claws touched his skin, a powerful jolt of electricity leaped off of him and into the cat. Its white fur puffed up with static to the point where it resembled a balloon, and it drifted off towards the ceiling with an alarmed yowl.
"Opalescence! Oh heavens, what happened?" Rarity covered her mouth with her hooves and gasped as she grabbed Opal with her telekinesis.
"Sorry, ma'am. Static electricity." Thunderball said with a painfully straight face. Twilight gave him a suspicious look, but made no comment.
"Well no wonder!" Rarity gasped, scandalized. "Your mane is simply awful! You must start using a conditioner, and I insist that you switch barbers. The last one butchered your hair! And your hooves!" She grabbed his right forehoof and brought it up for a closer look. "Who in the Principality of Equestria thought it would be a good idea to nail horseshoes onto you?"
Thunderball was not sure what to make of her fussing; it almost seemed as if she was completely unacquainted with the concept of military dress. "The Special Air Service?"
"Oh, I didn't know you were a servicepony," Rarity said in a completely different tone of voice, one that was uncomfortably seductive. "Can I help you with anything? Perhaps you'd be interested in a hoof–stitched dress suit for the next ball you are invited to, one made of the finest materials in Equestria to display your many, many medals?"
Rarity whipped out a measuring tape and began taking Thunderball's measurements by hoof, squeezing him uncomfortably tight in certain parts of his anatomy. "And I suppose you'll want to take some special pony with you to the next ball, hm? You know, I have a dress that will look marvelous when paired with your suit. We'll be the center of attention, you and I."
Thunderball opened his mouth to protest, but Rarity talked right over him.
"I bet it'll be so exciting, staying at your penthouse suite overlooking some villainous pony like Goldhoof or Bad Horse!" Rarity gushed, completely ignoring Thunderball's obvious irritation.
"I think you've been reading too many Tom Prancy novels, ma'am," he finally managed to say.
"Oh, we simply must specify that the room have a full–sized hot tub." She sidled up to him with inappropriately heavy–lidded eyes. "I've always wanted to spend quality time with a proper stallion."
Thunderball shot Twilight a look that said, quite plainly, that he was requesting immediate extraction from a hazardous situation. When no help was forthcoming due to Twilight exerting most of her willpower to keep from bursting into laughter at the horrified expression on his face, he decided that it was time to take matters into his own hooves. This called for drastic measures.
"I'm gay."
Twilight and Rarity stared at him.
"Really?" Twilight raised an eyebrow. "I could have sworn I saw you at the Gala with—"
"I'm. Gay," Thunderball declared, with an air of finality about the subject.
Twilight pretended to be shocked. "Oh my. I had no idea."
"You never asked."
"Well, strictly speaking, that would have been illegal."
Thunderball glanced at Rarity to see if she had taken the bait. While Twilight's acting was unlikely to win any awards, it seemed like enough to convince Rarity, who looked downcast for a moment before brightening up again.
"You know, I hear Goldengrape has just broken up with his coltfriend..."