Bitter Memories
Rarity laid upon her soft and enormous bed, tears still running over her cheeks. Her hair was in disarray and her makeup a ruined mess. She was still holding her diary against her chest. She had been reading it, trying to understand why she had acted the way she had; trying to discover if maybe, just maybe, there was a way to fix the mistakes she had made in the past, and recover her beloved Spikey-Wikey. But the more she read about the times they were together, the guiltier and more regretful she felt.
That painful day when she told him they were over and lied to him was still fresh in her mind as if it had only been yesterday, all thanks the pages she had just be reading all morning, after he left her Boutique.
Two years ago...
The unicorn sighed. “Oh, dear. If not for you I wouldn’t have even half of my work done for this weekend.” Rarity was sitting in front of her sewing machine, working on one of the five dresses she had scheduled for today.
“It’s nothing really, you know I’m happy to lend you a hand, though I think you could use a break. Weekends are for resting, aren’t they?” The green-haired teenager finished aligning a group of amethysts of same shape and color on a nearby table.
“Oh no, darling!” The fashionista squeaked, as she took another roll of fabric and started unrolling it. “The demand is just too high these days, I can’t just reject my clients requests or I could be giving them up to the competition!” She settled the fabric over the table, levitating a marker while watching at a pattern floating in front of her eyes. “Just five more of these and we’ll be done. Could you be a dear and sort these gems right there, in the third shelf of the left? I need the best emeralds you can find, remember they have to be very similar in shape and size.”
Spike sighed in defeat. “I know, I know,” he droned, his gaze lingering on her for a few moments before doing what he had been asked. She looked tired and tense, a few droplets of sweat running down her forehead, unnoticed by her, so concentrated she was on getting her work for the day done. At any other time she would have already made a drama about how ladies shouldn’t sweat so much and cleaned herself with one of her personalized and handmade handkerchiefs. Why couldn’t they relax and have a nice day out? A picnic on the park, like all the other, ‘normal’ couples. Well, he guessed they weren’t a normal couple to begin with.
They were secret lovers. Although the idea could and did sound exciting, thrilling even, at times, that was just fiction. This was reality and as it was, Rarity saw their relationship as being something forbidden and wrong. But to him, it couldn’t be righter; he loved her, she loved him, so why don’t act like it? Why did it have to be so complicated for her? She was a drama queen, maybe it was just that. But he didn’t mind as long as they could be just together as much time as possible.
Rarity levitated a pair of scissor to start cutting the fabric before taking a little pause to look at her young love. She noticed his eyes were unfocused, appearing to be lost in deep thoughts as he sorted the gems, almost as if he was on some kind of autopilot. She left the scissors over the table, and stepped closer to him, hugging him from behind, around his neck, she still was a bit taller than him but it didn’t matter. She pulled Spike closer, hugging him tighter. Feeling the warmth of his body against hers was like a little trip to heaven, just what she needed to relax before continuing her hard work.
Spike gasped at her touch, becoming putty under her gentle embrace. Feeling her breasts pressing against his back made him feel like someone had turned up the thermostat. He tried not to think about it, he knew he was better than this. So he tried to concentrate on her breath against his ears. Oh man, that wasn’t very good idea either, his temperature just started rising again, his cheeks reddening more and more, his heart struggling to keep up with the increased blood demand.
Spike cleared his throat soundly. “Um, Rarity?” He gently grabbed her forearms releasing the embrace and turning to face her. “Would you like a massage?”
Rarity raised an eyebrow, surprised by the sudden offer. “Why, dear, I didn’t know you—”
“Just trust me, most wonderful being” He said, grabbing a chair and motioning for her to sit down.
She blushed slightly at his compliment. “Darling, is not like I don’t trust in you. It’s just that you never cease to amaze me.” She gave him a quick peck on his lips before taking a seat, trying to relax in anticipation, but instead getting eager of feeling his gentle touch.
“Well let’s hope I don’t disappoint” He said, while flexing his fingers with his hands interlaced with each other.
“I don’t think you ever will,” she whispered, making him blush.
Spike’s tender hands began rubbing her sore shoulders, Rarity couldn’t help but let out a moan of pleasure as she felt all her pent up stress and aggression wash away as if by magic. Her eyes rolled in their sockets, her legs and arms now feeling like jelly. She felt wrong admitting it to herself, but right now she was nothing more than putty under Spike’s magical touch, willing to be molded and shaped into whatever he desired.
“Dear, that feels simply heavenly,” she moaned. “Where did you learn how to give such a divine massage?”
“Twilight has books,” Spike said. “But I never thought I’d be able to get to try it out. Guess all that practice on those pillows really paid off.”
“Lucky pillows,” Rarity muttered. Why did it feel so wrong? She wanted to feel like that pillow, to have Spike’s mystical grasp massage every inch of her body, but at the same time the idea seemed dirty, like she was exploiting Spike’s innocence and attraction towards her. Such was the dilemma she faced.
She always thought that there was something wrong with the relationship she and Spike shared, but it was always so easy to just push those doubts away when she looked into those emerald green eyes, and sharp toothed smile. Lately, however, she had been feeling… urges. They were confusing and mind numbing ideas that conflicted with one another, one side saying yes, and the other screaming no. How could she know what to do? Was it fair to just dwell on their relationship? To keep pretending like it was some light-hearted fairy tale where the dashing prince would marry the princess and live happily ever after? She had learnt with Blueblood that even fairy tales have silver lining to them; the truth was that they covered a real world punch to the face.
Spike was a sweetheart and a gentleman, but even he was only human. He wouldn’t wait forever for things to get… intimate. She needed to think more, but her mind refused to work, too distracted by her love’s angelic massage.
“Sp-spike…” she moaned, trying to resist the building desire in her chest. “I-I need you to stop…” The words stung as they came out of her mouth, even in her sweet tone she felt like she was going to cough up acid.
“Is something wrong?” Her lover asked, becoming worried. “I didn’t pinch you or anything, did I?”
“No, nothing of the sort, dear,” she said, turning around to face him. It had to be now, before things went any further. She felt terrible about what she was going to do. Like smashing a stained-glass window, she would have to break his heart. “I need to tell you something… oh my.”
Her mind was swept clean when faced with those large innocent eyes, blinking with curiosity and worry. Could she bring herself to destroy something so beautiful?
“Yes, Rarity?” Spike asked. “What’s wrong?”
She couldn’t do it, not to his face. This lean handsome boy hadn’t done anything but love her with all his heart, what kind of monster would wreck something so pure? She was lost in a dead trance, her heart racing, like it would come bursting out of her chest and claim him for itself. She tried to say something but failed to produce anything but a quivering breath, and then he kissed her.
Rarity was so happy that he misread her signal, seeing love where she saw doubt. She gladly let his lips caress hers as they tenderly embraced one another. Any doubt in her mind was fizzling out at an alarming rate as she became lost in the magical moment. She wanted him, every inch of him.
She found she had no control over her mischievous hands as they started to wrap around Spike’s waist, hugging him tightly as she placed a gentle hand on each of his cheeks, her favourite part of his body, not that he had a bad part, there was just something about his butt that drove her crazy.
Her hands ventured up north, taking the scenic route up Spike’s shirt and enjoying the view of his well-toned stomach. She broke the kiss and pushed the rest of his shirt up. They were really going to do this, even though they shouldn’t. But her brain wasn’t thinking straight, her brain was thinking Spike.
Tossing the shirt aside, Spike’s own frisky hands started to make their way down Rarity’s blouse. Starting at the collar, he made haste to undo each of her buttons, even against the heavy tide of her exhaling chest. He only got half way down before he let the rest slip off her shoulders, revealing her black brazier.
She felt so warm in his embrace as the two made their way to her bed. Spike, ever the gentleman, made sure to be careful when lowering her onto it. She laid there in her sedated state as Spike undid his belt.
“Spike…” she blushed. “I… are you sure you’re ready for this?”
Her question was answered with the drop of his trousers. Of course he was ready for this, he always was. It was just her failing brain’s last effort to stop the inevitable pleasure, but it was all lost now. He started to crawl up the bed, stopping just short of her waist.
“May I?” He asked.
She should have said no, but she found herself hypnotically nodding yes. The devilish smirk on Spike’s face was far too powerful for her to resist and she found herself arching up on her shoulders and heels, letting Spike pull down her skirt and exposing her dark panties. Her legs crossed slightly, quivering with both excitement and anxiety over what Spike had just done. Just one thin layer of fabric protected both of their innocences now…
His descent was slow, crawling up her body like a hungry predator until they met lip to lip again. Rarity knew that it had gone too far, but she found it hard to stop as her love’s forked tongue danced with hers in an everlasting tango of craving. She tore at his back, gripping his shoulder-blades, where the surface of his skin was an odd scaly spot of skin, pressing his toned body against hers, closer and closer. There was nothing she could do to extinguish the fires that burned within her now; her mind was lost to ecstasy.
Spike’s fingers began sliding down her side and she knew exactly where they were going, she could already feel his excitement pressing against her loins, all he had to do was simply open the door. When he hooked his fingers around the panty line, her heart skipped a beat. She was so sensitive; the tiniest pluck could send her screaming as Spike started to shimmy her—.
Knock, knock, knock!
They both froze in position as Spike let go of her underwear, slapping back against Rarity’s body.
“Rarity!” A voice called from downstairs. “It’s me! Sweetie Belle, we’re still having lunch today, right?”
“Oh no,” gulped Rarity, pushing the stunned Spike off of her. “I completely forgot about our lunch date! She can’t see me like this… with you!”
“What do you want me to do?” Stammered Spike, still in a bit of a daze. “Jump out the window? I’m in my boxers!”
“Well we can’t let Sweetie see you! She’ll ruin everything, the little gossip,” she said.
“Rarity? Are you even home?” Sweetie Belle called up, the impending sound of footsteps following her.
“Spike, hide!” Rarity ordered.
“Where?!”
“I don’t know… under the bed!” She said. “Go!”
Spike quickly scurried under the bed just as the door handle started to turn. Rarity quickly leapt to the door, slamming it shut with all her might. “Just a minute, Sweetie!” She called. “I’m… not decent.”
“Why are you getting changed?” Sweetie asked from the other side of the door. “It’s like one in the afternoon.”
“Oh… I was in the garden… and I got some dirt on my work clothes.”
“So you needed to get changed? Rarity, you’re so weird sometimes.”
“Perhaps,” muttered Rarity. “But could you please wait downstairs until I’m all dressed? A lady doesn’t like being questioned while changing.”
“Whatever, sis,” Sweetie Belle groaned, the sound of footsteps gradually grew more distant. “Just don’t take forever, I’m starving!”
“Of course, Sweetie Belle,” sighed Rarity, sliding down the door frame. How could she had been so stupid? What if they had gotten caught? Everything could have been ruined! Her relationships, her career. Celestia knows her parents and friends would look at her differently. She had gotten caught up in the moment and almost been exposed. It broke her heart, but she knew what she had to do… for both of their sakes.
“Is the coast all clear?” Spike asked, crawling out from under the bed. “That was a little too close for comfort.”
“Spike…” moaned Rarity, her voice as frail as glass. “We… we can’t keep doing this.”
“What do you mean?”
“I… can’t keep using you like some toy,” she whimpered, the first tear dropping from her eye. “And I can’t keep pretending that this is some children’s book where we’ll stay loving and chaste forever, only good and never bad. But we were so close… and I wasn’t ready for that.”
“Then we can wait,” frowned Spike. “I don’t mind.”
“But I do!” Rarity cried. “We were so close! Don’t you get it? I wanted to stop it but I was too lost in the moment. There’s always been something wrong with this relationship, and I think I know what it is.”
“There’s nothing wrong with us…”
“No Spike… there is,” Rarity sighed. “We’re too young for these games, Spike. I’m simply not ready to take that next step. I keep trying to force myself to do it, but I can’t. I love you with all my heart Spike… but I don’t think that we can be together right now.
“The problem is me, right?” He said, looking at the floor, his voice quivering. “I-I’m the one who’s too young”
Rarity didn’t answer. He had a point, no, that was the point!
Spike looked at her with his green determined orbes fixed on her azure ones. “Why don’t you let me decide this for myself? Please, I’m not the first one losing their virginity at this age! I love you and I want to do this! Even if we have to wait for it, I can wait, then. All it matters is the love we share for each oth—”
“Hush you, Spike, or Sweetie Belle will hear us” Rarity whispered, using her hand to cover his mouth, though quickly withdrawing it. She didn’t even want to touch him. She had made a decision and couldn’t let anything get in her way, any physical contact should be restricted or it could make her hesitate as she already had... No! Not again! This was for both their sakes, wasn’t it?
“I’m sorry Spike, but I’ll be completely honest with you. I can’t keep... deceiving you any longer.”
She couldn’t bear to look at his innocent eyes, those eyes which right now looked at her with the most horrible of uncertainty, waiting for whatever dagger she was going to stab his tender heart with. But she had to do it before it was too late. She shut her eyes closed, she had to do it. She had to, now.
“I don’t love you Spike.” She would have screamed were it not for Sweetie Belle being downstairs. It would be the worst possible thing if she were to come up and find them like this!
“Excuse me, but... What?” He said, gripping her shoulders with both his hands. “What did you just say?”
She still had her eyes shut. She couldn’t see his reaction to what she just said. She couldn’t bear to see the disappointment and sorrow in his gaze, she couldn’t live with herself knowing that the sweetest, kindest and most generous being she had ever met was getting his heart broken..
But it had to be done. It had to be.
“I said I don’t love you Spike.”
Even if it was a lie.
Sure she just had told him moments ago she loved him with all her heart, she was nothing less than a monster.
Silence reigned for a few moments, until he broke it.
“Open your eyes, Rarity. I want to hear you say it again but looking at me.” He said bluntly, as he tightened the grip on her shoulders, not noticing his claws were sinking into her bare skin.
On the verge of tears, she forcefully opened her eyes. She used all of her will to do what she had to do. She looked at his boyish eyes, trying not to focus, it helped that her tears were starting to turn her eyesight into a blurry mess.
“I said I don’t love you. I never did. I mean, not as you want me to. I just.. couldn’t let you heartbroken, you insisted so much, I had to say yes,” she stammered. Her sobs started making it hard to speak, but she made a superhuman effort to continue. “I-I had to give you a chance... and I did but... you see how it turned out—”
“Wonderful, it was wonderful. Rarity these three months we’ve been together have been, so far, the best moments of my entire life, I felt like I was living in a dream, I couldn't be happier. I’m happy being with you, and I think you can’t be serious about ending all this. You also looked happy, aren’t you Rarity? Tell me you lied when you said you—” He sniffed, tears were running over his cheeks, too. “When you said you don’t love me.”
His eyes. Those eyes, she really couldn’t. Could she?
“I wasn’t lying Spike. I was happy but I also knew something was wrong. Because I don’t love you in the same way you love me. I’m so sorry, Spike” Her voice getting weaker. Her heart was aching so much, she couldn’t keep doing this any longer.
Please you have to understand Spike, don’t insist! She said in her mind, clenching her eyes shut again, her entire body trembling.
Fortunately for her, Spike didn’t say a word. He let go of her shoulders, leaving red marks were his pointy claws once laid upon.
She just stood there, still trembling, now not sure if it was because of the coolness of being still undressed or the whole situation, while he quickly dressed himself up. She felt him step close to her, until he was in front of her. She could swear she heard his heart racing as her own was. She could also feel the sadness in his harsh voice.
“Rarity, please. For the last time... Tell me, if you’re sure all you said is the truth, and all our... all we shared... is over, or maybe we can solve this in another way that is the best for us” He sniffed after his last sentence. He was probably crying as she was, she could hear his tears as they hit the floor, or she thought she could.
Rarity looked at him, eyes still blurry due to the endless trail of tears pouring out her eyes. At least she wouldn’t see these green eyes trying to bend her will any longer. “Good bye, Spike...” She whispered, the sobbings claiming for her to let them free, she needed her drama couch now.
The young draconic boy stepped backwards, until he reach the wall. Then he turned to face the window, he couldn’t do otherwise since Sweetie Belle would surely notice that he had been in her sister’s room while she was ‘changing’, and there just wasn’t any way they’d be able to explain away something like that without her getting suspicious. After making sure there was nobody around to see him escape, he made his way down, it was three floors high but he was a dragon. He could fall from far higher without getting hurt. Once over the grassy floor near to Carousel Boutique, he ran away as fast as possible, disappearing from Rarity’s sight.
Once she saw him disappear, she fell to her knees, turned her back against the window, letting her emotions flow freely. She didn’t even consider that her sister or anypony else could be hearing her, her heart was aching as it never did before, and the tears did nothing but increase the pain. What had just she done? Wasn’t there another way, maybe one less hurtful for him? Probably not, as for her, ending their relationship had been painful enough.