//------------------------------// // Stratocumulus // Story: Thunderheads // by Marcus Centurian //------------------------------// By Luna’s moon, I love Saturdays. I get to sleep in, wake up without an annoying alarm and most days I go without greeting the floor by my face. This morning found me greeting the door frame to the bathroom instead with my forehead. I groaned and clutched my aching head and wondered why in Celestia’s name I hit my head on the top of the doorway or why I was swearing by the immortal princesses. I walked forward and hit the stupid doorframe a second time. After several expletives too colorful to recite here, I ducked below the doorway and entered the bathroom still moaning and grumbling as I reached into the medicine cabinet for some pain pills. At the rate I go through these, I wonder if I’m actually addicted. After the capsules went down I got my first look at myself in the mirror. My eyes went wide with shock as I saw my reflection do the same. I gasped and poked at my reflection and after it did the same, I was satisfied I wasn’t in a Marx brothers’ skit but still amazed at the changes that befell me. For starters I seemed to be taller, as the already large mirror almost truncated my reflection. A look at my feet found me on the balls of my feet, standing on my tippy-toes like a little foal trying to get a better view of a candy counter. I realized that my new walking habit coupled with my higher than average height made me hit the doorframe. I willed my feet to stand flat, but another few steps found me still on my toes. I thought through what little I knew of equine anatomy and remembered something to the effect of horses walk on their toes and that their hooves are nothing more than specialized chitin, the same thing that makes up fingernails and the exoskeletons of insects. Although this adequately explained my new walking behavior, it made it no less annoying. A look at my chin also revealed a bit about my new form. When I went to bed I starkly remembered stubble on my chin and the need to shave, but this morning found me clean shaven. Not only that, but a nick that was on the underside of my chin where my razor cut me earlier last week was also completely gone, even though I remembered the bastard was painful as fuck, bled all over the place, and still was nasty as of yesterday. Although my feet were strange, my hair, by far had the most changes overnight. At least if not more than an inch grew from my former buzz cut that I sported for years. Medium long hair now graced my scalp ending in a neat cut and slightly extending past my ears. But most amazingly of all, subtle highlights of bright green and magenta could be seen all though it in alternating stripes. I stared at my reflection, the realization of my pony transformation sinking in. I checked my flank, and as expected my cutie mark still resplendent in pink and teal flowers smiled back at me. I took this opportunity to have a discussion with the universe; although I’m sure it didn’t understand or care about my plight. “Universe,” I said to the room, “We have been through a lot together. You have tried my patience, tried to kill me, and tried to make me go insane. So today, you throw the chips in and give me a crazy, surreal situation that is sure to cause trouble and test my sanity. Universe, I’m not sure where to start with you. Technicolor, fictional ponies? This is a new kind of strange even for you. But you know what, do you know what? I’m not even mad or depressed. I will take this in stride, if only to spite you and thwart your attempts to screw up my life.” I paused before adding, “I’m glad we had this talk. Keep calm and carry on, old sport.” I remembered to duck as I passed through the doorway a second time and walked into the kitchen. I saw to my delight that Jessie had thought ahead to brew a pot of the life giving fluid that is coffee. Sometimes, that guy could be really thoughtful. I looked around for him to give him my thanks as I saw my roommate calmly sitting at the kitchen table. I opened my mouth to speak when he beat me to it. “Joe, we need to have a discussion.” My good mood immediately evaporated. Jessie was a nice guy most of the time, but whenever he had a discussion session, it was a guaranteed recipe to make me feel ten inches tall. That military training, physique, and personality all came together in a perfect storm to make you apologize for whatever he accused you of, regardless of whether or not you performed the act in question. If he ever had kids, I’m sure they would be the best behaved on the block due to this tactic. I filled up my favorite coffee mug with a picture of Fluttershy emblazed on the side and filled it with the caffeine rich fluid. I sat down next to him, sipped a few mouthfuls of the brown liquid, and sighed, awaiting whatever vituperation I was about to receive. “I think some congratulations are in order, Joe. You have finally done it. You have managed to get under my skin and made me angry. You’ve been trying to rile me up for years and at last you have done it, good job.” He said in the most condescending voice I’d ever heard from him punctuated by slow clapping. “What are you talking about, Jessie?” I asked, just wanting to get my fleecing over with. “I think you know full well what I’m talking about. The cloud and sun on either side of my thigh. I don’t know how you did it, but I want this tattoo or whatever it is removed now. If I have to beat you to a pulp or if it takes every quarter you own, I’ll get rid of it.” “Wait, you have one too?” I asked with amazement. “What do you mean, ‘I have one too?’ ” “You must have a cutie mark like me, except yours is a cloud and sun and mine is a pair of flowers.” “Look, I let you have your space and put up with your quirks, but it sounds like you planned this. You are too well informed for this to be mere coincidence.” “I swear I don’t know how it happened! Don’t blame me.” I said in a cracked voice an octave too high. “A likely story. This is always been your dream, right Joe? To travel to the world of those freaky ponies you adore so much. But you decided that you would do it one better and become one of those ponies. I tell you now, I don’t want to be a part of this. If you are so inclined to throw your life away in a magical land of rainbows and friendship and forget about reality, so be it. Change me back. Now.” I began to cry as I looked Jessie in the eye and said in a weak voice, “This isn’t my fault and I cannot change it.” “So, you are giving up then? You are unwilling to change me back? Is this how you repay me for my years of living with you and your filth, with your tongue, with your whinnying, with your parties and noise? Some friend you are. You claim to have the so called magic of friendship in your heart, but that doesn’t extend to your roommate, your best friend?” I sobbed into my cup, my tears mixing with the coffee as I sputtered a response, “I didn’t cause this. I don’t know why it is happening. I am nervous and scared too. You can cowl me into submission, but that will not change the fact of the matter: we are transforming into ponies and I do not know how to stop it.” Jessie stopped for a minute then began again, “Look into my eyes.” I obliged and stared into his irises. He studied my face for a moment before declaring, “Your eyes tell me everything. You are telling the truth.” I breath I didn’t know I was holding was released as Jessie released me from his glare of death. “So, do you now believe me?” I said weakly as I regained my composure. “Yes. So, is there an antidote?” he asked calmly. “I don’t know. Maybe. I’m still not sure why or how this is happening. And why it is happening to us.” “It could be a rip in the multiverse, or aliens or genetic manipulation or maybe reality is really a dream, like in the Matrix.” “Although I am impressed at your knowledge of geek culture, rattling off potential offenders doesn’t change the situation.” “Well, if we can figure out which one is responsible we can…” “Do what? Storm the alien mothership, or team up with Dr. Who and repair the space time continuum or maybe sue a corporation or the government for transformation damages or defeat Discord with the Elements of Harmony? What is the likelihood of any of that coming to fruition or changing the here and now, Jessie? Have you not noticed the fact that you stand on the balls of your feet when you walk or that your hair is slightly longer and slightly blond? Or that my hair is also longer with subtle green and pink stripes? Fucking pink and green stripes! Something is going on here beyond our control and it is acting swiftly.” “But maybe we can….” “NO! Reality is here and it is knocking, Jessie. Wake up and look around you. Yes, this is strange. Yes it is surreal. Yes this is impossible, yet it still is happening. You can deny it all you’d like, but as strange as I seems, this is our life. We are to become talking, sentient, anthropomorphic ponies, whether you believe in them and the magic of friendship or not.” Silence ruled the after Jessie’s pressure cooking and my impassioned speech. We both sat at the table and looked around and at each other occasionally for the better part of an hour as we nursed our coffees and thought. Jessie broke the silence at last, “I say that we prepare by gathering supplies, forging plans, gathering information and making allies and friends.” “All things considered, that actually is a fairly sound plan of action. What should we start with?” “I’d say information gathering. Maybe we can find some information on the internet about these changes and if others have suffered them. It might also be handy to know what ponies we are turning into, although I’m sure you already know which ones. Not to mention computers are easier to use with fingers than hooves.” With that, Jessie and I hit the Internet and surfed for the better part of the morning, looking for anything useful. For the most part our efforts were fruitless, as most tales of human to pony transformation fit well within the realm of fan fiction with no grain of truth to them. Only an isolated post now and again gave me a hint that the pony transformation phenomenon might be larger than just us. Even so, details were scarce and of little help. Most people/ponies were tight lipped and in denial about their physical and in some cases mental changes. I shuttered to imagine my brain changing into someone else and tried to put the thought as far from my mind as possible. By early afternoon, I found my flank to be sore from the long hours staring at my computer screen and I joined Jessie for lunch. I quickly found out the source of my discomfort was nothing less than a tail matching my now distinct hair color and style. I was both enthralled and astonished at this turn of events. Much to my delight, I stroked this new extension of myself and found it pleasurable. I could get used to this. Jessie found his tail less than exciting as he irritably swished it back and forth in an almost mesmerizing pattern. I reached out to touch his tail and began to stroke it. “What are you doing?” “Your tail is so soft,” I snarked, “What sort of conditioner do you use?” He huffed then said, “Well, don’t get used to it. I’m going to find a way to reverse this someday.” “You never know,” I chided, “You may find ponydom fun and enjoyable.” “Look, I know this must be the most amazing event to befall you since your birth or your first love or whatever very positive emotion you’d like, but not all of us share in you contentment.” “Apparently some things never change. You are still a regular stick-in-the-mud.” I laughed. “Let’s not get caught up in the changes. There is plenty of time to appreciate our new forms later, but we are fighting against lost hands. Keep your head in the game, Blossomforth,” he admonished. “Sorry Cloud Kicker,” I mumbled back, “You’re right. Let’s get back to work.” We both paused after our verbal exchange as our brains caught up with our mouths. “Did I just call you by your pony name?” “I think so. I called you Cloud Kicker and you called me Blossomforth.” We paused for another moment before he continued, “Fascinating. Our new bodies also come with new identities.” “That isn’t fascinating, that is downright scary! I won’t be me anymore, I’ll be some Blossom chick. I don’t want to be a stereotypical girl and talk about boys and go the mall and gossip and stuff. I like being me.” “Now look who is going ballistic. Maybe it isn’t as bad as you think.” “Yeah sure,” I said with an eye roll, “like Blossom is a boy’s name.” “That isn’t what I’m implying. Not all women are stereotypes.” “I suppose you’re right. Maybe I could be a gamer chick or even better a nerdy girl.” “Straight from one stereotype to another, eh? But seriously, we won’t know until it happens, so let us not obsess and forge ahead.” I thought about his sage advice and realized I had just given it to him just a few hours ago. The realization hit me like an oncoming train that this transformation must have been intended for us both together as a small smile crept up to my face. I wrapped him in a quick hug. “Why are you hugging me?” he asked with general curiosity. “Because you are always there for me and I can count on you.” “Thanks, I guess?” He returned the embrace and we broke off to finish our lunch. The rest of the afternoon found me on my phone, the social media sites I frequented and various forums online contacting my friends in the Bronydom and beyond. Cloud er Jessie decided he’d had enough of screen staring and promptly slipped out and to obtain medicine, supplies, and feed to last us for the near future. I offered to go, but he claimed that he was able to handle it on his own and needed not my help. I knew that he would probably benefit from my presence, but from experience I knew that once he made his mind up, there was no changing it as I let my brick-headed roommate go out alone. Although most of my friends thought my transformation story was the result of being high or the climax of an awesome fan fic, I got a response from Jo Ann, who apparently now was truly turning into Derpy. It seemed strangely fitting, but also weird at the same time. “Blossom, I’ve never been so scared. What is happening to us?” “We are turning into ponies, Derpy, plain and simple.” “There is nothing simple about it! It’s all crazy and surreal and I don’t know what to do or where to go or…” Derpy trailed off as she breathed heavily into the phone. “Look, Derpy. There is no point hyperventilating over something beyond your control. Just know that we are here for you.” She paused for a minute before responding, “I suppose you’re right. Thanks Blossom.” “Anytime. Any word on Carrot Top?” “No, I haven’t heard anything. I hope she’s OK.” “Me too. Don’t hesitate to call or come over if something is the matter.” “So wait, you are staying in your house and not going someplace more suitable for ponies like the forest?” “To the best of my knowledge we’re staying here,” although upon retrospect, I should have clarified this with Cloud, er Jessie before claiming that. “You two are pretty brave for doing so, but if it works out, I might have to visit you sometimes. Creature comforts will be a welcome change from roughing it.” “So you are not staying at your place?” “No. It isn’t pony friendly and I have no way of paying rent in the long run, so I have to leave.” “I can see that and I’m sorry to hear it. Take care of yourself and tell the foals I love them.” “Wait, what foals? I don’t have kids….” “Dinky and Sparkler? I thought…” I seat a a bead of seat dripped down my forehead. If one word could describe Derpy it was sensitive and I hoped I didn’t just commit a major faux pas. “Dinky and Sparkler…. My adorable little unicorns! How could I have forgotten? I am a terrible mother. I hope they escaped Discord. Oh, how I miss them.” “Wait what? Discord? What are you talking about?” The other end of the line became punctuated by sobbing and I imagined by extension, tears. She paused for another second before boldly declared with conviction and passion, “If they are here on Earth, I’ll find them. With Celestia as my witness, let them never be motherless!” “Wait Derpy! Derpy!” as the phone clicked as she hung up. I briefly thought about calling her back, but decided that a mother’s love trumped my need for information and I wished her luck looking for her foals. As I hung up, I heard subtle clop of hooves outside, signaling Cloud had returned from his trip with his truck overburdened with all sorts of supplies. A good hour found us ferrying bags and bags and more bags back and forth in a hectic rush, to the purpose of not attracting attention. Granted, our not so subtle clop of hooves made our walking noisy and if no one was already aware of our presence, they were now. We collapsed on the couch, tired but triumphant as we debriefed each other on the events we missed. I told Jessie about my nearly fruitless web of friends and Derpy whom he wished well. He agreed with me that her ending was abnormally abrupt, especially given my description of her, but also agreed that mother’s love for her child could not be delayed or fathomed. I found the sentiment strangely deep, especially coming from Jessie, but then again, he never was the sort to talk about philosophy so I really had no idea if this was a movie or novel quote or his own personal mantra. While shopping, Cloud quickly realized that we had pony ears and that our ankles were now immobilized and our toes were fused together and hard in anticipation of forming hooves. He was forced to buy a hoodie jacket out of necessity and some long jeans to hide his proto-hooves. I hadn’t noticed the changes until he pointed them out to me. I marveled at my new ridiculously big toe that more than lived up to its name. I felt the long ears and upon inspection in the mirror found them to be chalk white, long and pointy. I gave them a flick and giggled as they swiveled around my head like mini radar dishes. Cloud looked less annoyed at the new changes then when I saw him at lunch, but it could have been due to exhaustion rather than pure acceptance. Her lavender ears and now full blond mane seemed to go well together as she subconsciously flicked her ears a few times. After a short rest, Cloud remarked, “These changes imply our fingered hours are numbered and much is needed to be accomplished before we permanently lose our dexterity.” “Give it a rest, Cloud. Ponies can do many things hands can with their mouths and hooves and unicorns can manipulate objects with their telepathy. Enjoy your body for once.” “You must know the pony I’m turning into. Are they a unicorn?” he asked. “No. But you are becoming a pegasus.” “That is kind of cool, but not really. I’d rather have magic than fly.” “Seriously? You can fucking fly. Wait, I’m also turning into a pegasus. I’ll be able to fucking fly! That is fucking amazing! Holy fuck!” “Calm the party, bro. Let’s get though today and put the stuff I bought away so we can move in here and find it all again when we need it.” “Kill-joy.” I deadpanned. Despite my body’s protest I got up and began to walk, sporting a gait that seemed unnatural and difficult to maintain. I decided it was my body beginning the transition to quadrapedal locomotion and I popped a couple more pain pills and powered through. Damn, caffeine and pain killer addictions, rehab here I come. I found several of Cloud’s purchases to be of questionable intent. “Hey Cloud, why do we need voice recognition software or some of this other junk you bought? What is this, condoms?!?” “The software will allow us to use the computer with hooves.” “We could hold a pen in our mouth and hunt and peck for keys. But that still doesn’t explain…” “And that would take you forever to write a simple e-mail. This way is much easier.” “But the Trojans…” “Yeah, I’m not one-hundred percent sure why I bought them, but protection is important when you want to bang.” “Seriously, Cloud.” I admonished, “You spend frivolously like this? If you haven’t noticed, there is no foreseeable way to get any income and we should conserve our money.” “But…” I gave him a thousand yard stare as whatever retort he had died on his lips. By nightfall, everything got put away and I was beyond exhausted. Cloud decided he had one last errand to run, namely calling his father and asking for assistance. “Are you sure you can trust him, Cloud? Doesn’t he work for the CIA or something?” “Yes, and because of that he is the best person I know at keeping a secret. He has secrets so secret that they have secrets.” I rolled my eyes, then recalled, “From my understanding, you two have never been close. What assurance do you have that he is going to help us?” “He is family and he comes through in a pinch. I’ve done so on his behalf a few times and he has done likewise for me. I cannot see how’d this be any different. “The difference is you are turning into Cloud Kicker from My Little Pony.” He ignored my protest and he dialed his father and told him of our plight. I tried to make out their conversation, but I only caught a word now and again, with not enough detail to make out what they were saying. “So what did he say?” I asked. “He said he’s going to come down in a day or two and assess the situation.” “That is a strange way to phrase a visit, but I guess we can accept a guest. I’m gathering he is full human and not turning into a pony?” “That is what it would seem.” Cloud unleashed a deafening yawn before adding, “I’m pooped. See you tomorrow, Blossom.” I nodded and headed off to my bed and promptly fell asleep.