Tidbits of Mast and Sail

by Habanc


Tempest's Harbor

“I feel like such a dork.”

“Come now, it can't be that bad. Just tell me what's wrong.”

A wine bottle popped open with the help of a corkscrew.

“It's not that easy, Rares.”

“That, I can tell. You don't look as confident as you usually do.” The sloshing of wine sounded as two crystal, bulbous glasses were filled half way. “But, a pony doesn't knock on one's door in the middle of the night to annoy her friend with useless ambiguity, does she?”

Rainbow opened her eyes. “Ambi- what?”

“Ambiguity, or vagueness. What I mean is, you've been complaining for ten minutes now and haven't even gave me a clue about what's wrong.” The white unicorn sat across from her, lounging on a plush, violet méridienne, reclining back and swirling her goblet with a glowing grip.

“Oh, yeah, I guess I haven't.” Rainbow Dash scratched the back of her head, leaning forward from a chair she grabbed in her hasty entrance. A polished and hoof-worked mahogany rococo coffee table separated them, a bottle of wine perched on top alongside two chunks of dark chocolate, resting in silvery foil. One glass remained untouched, sitting before the pegasus, lonesome and untaken. The deep red, liquid silk waited impatiently, staring at her with pleading, unseen eyes. She gulped, her throat starting to feel bare and parched from her earlier bouts of screaming and exclamations.

“So tell me.” Rarity smelled her drink indulgently, closing her eyes and smiling at the sensation. “Do feel free to drink from the glass I poured for you, I figured you could use it. It's a vintage from the hills outside Las Pegasus, almost as old as you are.”

“Uh huh.” Rainbow lifted her glass in the air, eying it for anything out of the normal. Satisfied, she tipped it towards her mouth and tasted it. She was no wine aficionado like the pony across from her, but she'd been to enough get-togethers with the unicorn to develop a taste for it. Nothing like her beloved whiskey or vodka, but for now it'd do.

The dry, lingersome taste was still dancing on her tastebuds as she dared to speak. “How do you deal with the guilt, Rarity?”

“Hmm? What guilt?” Rarity placed her glass down on the table, eyes watching her intensely even as her body remained relaxed.

“The guilt of...” Rainbow tried motioning with her hooves, but to no avail. “Hold on.” Grabbing her own goblet hurriedly, she took an unorthodox gulp and set it down gently enough to make Rarity cringe. “What I'm saying is, the guilt of telling somepony into you that you're not into them.” Her jaws snapped shut, after the huge, tiny stream of greased words were released like spat-out poison.

“Oh?” Rarity's eyebrow rose curiously. Then the rest of her face rose as well. “Oh. Well, who was it? It's a much different situation the more you know the pony.”

Crap. Rainbow felt her heart plummet further, mining into the bedrock. Restraining herself to a sip of her drink, as she had been lectured about dozens of times earlier, she let a shaky breath of air enter and exit her lungs. “B-Big Macintosh.”

Rarity didn't even attempt to block the amused, beseeching, craving smile rapidly forming on her face. Rainbow let her expression slip into a dour, sad, torn reality, devoid of her cardinal bravado and esteem. She could nearly hear the lashing of the unicorn's conscience as the smile ebbed away, substituted with concern and a determined glint in her eyes.

Drawing upon her glass for support, Rarity asked after a lengthy sip, “What happened?”

“I- I was crashing at AJ's after helping her roll the cider barrels in the basement.” A weak grin formed on Rainbow Dash's face. “She said she'd give me one of them once they were all ready in a month or two. Anyways, I was pretty wiped so I asked if I could stay in the barn for the night. Didn't want to have to fly all the way back to my house, I had a feeling I could pull something, and I figured I shouldn't risk it with the Trottingham Derby Qualifiers in a few weeks.”

Her smile vanished, “So yeah, I fell asleep pretty late in the afternoon, and I had a few hours of rest in me before...” Another layer of alcholic grease was required, emptying the last of her glass. Rarity filled it again without second thought. “...before Mac came in, dropping off some tools he forgot to put away. I gave him a hell of a scare when I popped out of the haystack, never thought a stallion could jump so high.” Her laugh came out feebly, wobbling like a dying dradle.

“Did he say anything to you?” Rarity asked, catching up with a generous draft of her drink. Wine flowed freely once again, the equalizer scored and the tallies even.

“Not at first.” Rainbow chewed the inside of her mouth, trying to decode what she wanted to say next. “I started, told him I was sorry for being a jerk and scaring him. Then, it got really quiet. He just didn't say anything back, just stood there in the middle of the barn staring at me like I was somepony he'd never seen before.”

Exhaling, Rainbow knew that the stakes were steepening. Two long, needing mouthfuls of merlot flowed down, quelling the aches and worries completely for brief moments, before the effects receded, leaving a small film of numbness over the wounds like the trail a snail leaves in the wake of its path. The more and more she drank, the more and more the analgesic accrued over her mental bruises and gashes, eliciting a small, shaky, welcome carelessness to smother a bubbling cauldron of emotions.

She stared at the ground, letting her mane flop down and shield her eyes from Rarity. “So, I got up from where I was, and starting asking him stuff. 'What's wrong, Big Mac? Something up?' And then he came out of it I guess, like he was dreaming or something. Back to his usual self, and we started talking for a bit. Nothing interesting really, just about what the cider's looking like this year and whatever.

“After a while though, we just sorta ran out of things to talk about. It was getting pretty dark out, so I tried hinting at needing some sleep. He seemed to get it, but instead he sat down next to me and said he-” the last few words had to be heaved out, her voice shaking with effort, “he needed to get something off his chest.” The last of her glass dissapeared to keep her going, loosening the vise-like grip guilt, shame, and embarrassment held over her.

“Do you want a minute?” Rarity asked politely, leaning over from her seat. “I know it's tough for you, so it's completely alright if you do, darling.”

Another heavy breath crawled slowly from Rainbow's mouth, lingering between them as the tension grew heavier. “No, it's okay.” She eyed her empty glass. “Could you just pour me a bit more?” Rarity nodded, the liquid flowing down into the crystal goblet for a third time.

A preliminary sip was required before she could continue. The taste of the wine itself was even starting to fall into the background, as menial as the soft glow of candles along the room's walls, or the rich ottoman rug under her hooves.

“It seemed to take years, just me and him sitting there, looking back at eachother. I was starting to feel uncomfortable with him staring me down for so long. But just as I was about to call him out on it, he whispered to me, so quiet I couldn't hear what he was saying. I asked him to speak louder, but he wouldn't say it again.”

After a quick gulp, she continued, “I was about to just get up and leave, perhaps go to Twi's house instead with him creeping me out, when he did it again. But this time, I- I heard him.”

“What did he say?” Rarity asked softly. She drained her remaining bit, keeping pace and emptying the last of the bottle as she got almost every last drop into her glass, refilling it once more.

“He told me he thought I was beautiful.” The words felt coarse and rough, scraping Rainbow's vocal chords. “You know how I am with that kinda stuff, Rares.” She looked up to her friend. “I didn't know what to do, I felt like my hooves were locked in place. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think, like I had lost my wings mid-flight and I was heading straight for the ground.”

The sedative layers thickened. The more she thought about the next part, the more vocal grease she decided to add on. Staring abjectly at her glass for a moment, she noted it was only half full. Cloudy thoughts of whether or not she should keep having more barely reached her conscious, sent back to oblivion by lingering thrums of guilt.

“I just sat there, looking back at him because I didn't know what to do. What could I have done?” She shook her head, magenta eyes skimming the edges of the coffee table, unable to look back up. “And then, he started leaning in, getting closer and closer, his eyes closing, so close I could feel his breath on my face... And I just did nothing, sitting there completely still. He was right up before my face when something in me broke.”

Her goblet's level dropped further. “I got really scared and fell backwards, screaming at the top of my lungs. I didn't know what to do, I promise, Rarity. I didn't mean to do it.” She looked up, her expression yielding complete helplessness. “I just couldn't think of anything to do except to yell and get away. Yeah, it was really stupid, I could've just said no, or backed away, or put a hoof up, or...or something. I could've done something different. But I didn't.” Her voice fell. “I did the worst possible thing I could've done, and what hurt more was the look on his face after I yelled at him for...” she paused and shook her head. “Oh, I don't even know, I just know I yelled at him a lot. But when I was finally done, he looked at me like- like something in him just shriveled up and died.”

“Oh, Rainbow...” Rarity whispered, moving over on her elongated seat. She patted a hoof down next to her. “Come, sit down next to me.”

Without thinking, the pegasus obeyed, slumping down on the pillow-topped lounge chair. She drained the last of her third glass, setting it down on the table.

Rarity bit her lip. “How are you feeling?”

Rainbow Dash stared at her hooves. “I don't know. I came to you, Rarity, because I really don't know how I feel. You're the one who knows all about this sorta stuff. I thought maybe you could help me.”

“Oh no, darling, I couldn't possibly do that.” She put a white hoof on the cyan mare's shoulder. “You're the only one who knows, all I can do is help you get through it. If you want me to help, just tell me exactly how you feel.” Her voice massaged the tenuous air and scorched eardrums alike, akin to a soothing balm after a nasty burn.

Rainbow shut her eyes, voice creaky like aged floor boards, “But it's hard.”

“I know it is.” Rarity embraced the other pony, pulling her in close. “But you must, if you want to feel better. Trust me.”

Rainbow sighed, although finding small pockets of comfort in a much-needed hug. “I don't know what to say though. I'm not used to feeling...like this. Everything is so not sure. My feelings, I mean. They just aren't sure of what they are.”

“Like what?”

“I don't know!” Rainbow shook her hooves, voice twinged with anger as she glared up at Rarity. However, the flames quickly dampened as Rarity's hooves slithered away and her eyes widened in shock, the pegasus feeling shame wash over her. “Sorry, Rares... See what I mean?” Her voice cracked and shattered like stomped-on glass. “I just don't know.”

The soft touch a hoof returned, rubbing her back rhythmically. “Is there something I can do?”

Rainbow Dash kept her eyes to the floor, inspecting the geometric designs on the carpet, as her head started to feel a bit dizzy and her mind a touch cloudy. The last three glasses came crashing down, with the adrenaline and the energy giving in to Rarity's calming massage. “You- you have anymore wine? My throat's still scratchy and it's annoying the hell out of me.”

“Of course.” Rarity nodded and got up, leaving the room. Rainbow watched her go, and then let her thoughts overwhelm her. What was Big Mac thinking? Why would he even do something like that? It was sooo unfair, such a jerk, putting her in a spot like that. He couldn't have honestly expected that she would know what to say, would he? And, she didn't know what to say! Ha! He was wrong!

Why is she so angry at him? Yeah, that sappy romance stuff isn't her style, but that doesn't mean she can't handle it, right? She can handle anything, right? She's Rainbow Dash, fastest pony in Equestria, Element of Loyalty, part of Ponyville's awesome weather patrol, taker of midday naps on clouds, and... and... Oh, what's the use?

She's horrible. She definitely isn't the most in-tune with other ponies' feelings, but even she knew the confused venom and acid she threw at him. And he stood there and took it, for minutes on end. She just paced around the barn, stomping her hooves and pointing angrily at him, spit flying as her jaws kept gnawing and gnashing at his dignity and self-esteem. When it finally ended, when she had to force herself to breathe, his face was so...dominated and controlled by agony and depression. Forlorn eyes glazed over the ground, lips whispered a quick apology, and then the earth-rocking sprinting of hooves as he escaped.

How could anypony be so cruel? She didn't deserve friends. She didn't deserve anypony being nice to her. If she was somepony else, she'd kick Rainbow Dash in the flank so hard that she'd discover a new way to form a sonic rainboom. She just wanted to curl up into a ball and-

“Darling, are you okay?”

Glancing up, eyeing Rarity with another bottle and a corkscrew, she sniffed and rubbed her eyes with a hoof, wet to the touch. “Y-yeah, I'm fine.”

The unicorn sat down right next to her, coat rubbing against coat. “Are you sure, dear? You don't look it.”

“Just pour me some more, okay?”

Rarity nodded and pulled the cork out of the second bottle, filling up Rainbow's glass halfway. Then, with no hint or indication whatsoever, she reached over and pulled Rainbow Dash into a hug, holding her tightly. “It's not your fault, darling.”

The whisper entered her ears and went through to her mind, battering down the walls with ease and letting everything fall out. Rarity continued to rub her back, and then stroked her mane silently as the other pony began to shake and quiver, gasping sobs breathed into the unicorn's shoulder.

“It'll be alright. I promise.”

-~-

“Better?”

Rainbow Dash pulled her head away, looking up to Rarity through tear-blurred vision. Blinking a couple of times, she sniffed and nodded, but dare not break away from her grasp. Comforting, safe hooves still worked their passive magic.

“Good. It feels much nicer to get things out instead of keeping them inside, doesn't it?”

Another nod.

“Now, I have some wine and chocolate here. I must say, they are very tasty together, so why don't we relax for awhile?”

Another nod, this time quicker and eyes brighter.

Rainbow Dash groaned on the inside as Rarity let go of her. She'd never admit it, but the cared for, safe sensation of the embrace was exactly what she wanted. It was like a harbor to fall into during a tumultuous storm, one that had now died down a bit, yet still hung in the skies, wind whipping and the rain pouring down.

“Here you go.” Rarity held out the glass in front of her, which she took and sipped from delicately. Things had calmed down, but it still felt like the slightest shake could send her tumbling back down.

“Now, try a it with a bit of this.” A small piece of chocolate levitated over towards the pegasus, who ate it curiously with rinsing mouthful of merlot. “Good, isn't it?”

“Y-yeah,” Rainbow creaked at last, sounding as if she hadn't spoken in years. “It's nice.”

Rarity smiled. “I thought you'd like it. You're a lot more than you give off, Rainbow Dash.”

“Huh?” She looked over, unsure of whether being given a compliment or a challenge. “What's that supposed to mean?”

“Look at you.” The unicorn chuckled. “You, Rainbow Dash, one of the fastest ponies in the air and a notorious party animal, reclining back and enjoying something so refined as dark chocolate and vintage wine.”

“And so what if I do?” A characteristic spark rallied to life in Rainbow's eyes, one that only Rarity noticed. “I can like both if I want to.”

“I never said you couldn't. We should really spend some more time together, I'm sure you'd love a trip to the spa, if only you'd leave your ego at the door.”

“Hey, hey, let's not go that far.” Rainbow leaned away from the other mare. “I said I can do wine and chocolate, not some frou-frou day trip.”

Rarity laughed. “Alright, Rainbow, if you insist. Wine and chocolate sounds lovely.”

The pegasus found herself grinning right back. She didn't know quite why, perhaps it was the alcohol, or maybe it was genuine. She didn't care much though, because the uplifting mood had evaporated some of the weight from her shoulders. She felt like she could finally breathe again.

An uncomfortable silence fell between the two, neither knowing where to go next. Then, Rainbow had a funny thought. An amusing itch at the back of her brain. It was probably the alcohol, but she felt like she could say it now. She could say it without being crushed under tons of emotional weight, without having to descend back into the pit she came from, with somepony else there alongside her.

“You know what scared me the most?” She began, looking from the floor and then up to Rarity.

“What?”

“What scared me was how I can only see him as my friend, nothing else. And when he leaned in to kiss me, it was like I could feel any chance of having him as a friend ever again just snap, like a twig under my hoof. No more intense games of hoofball, no more genius pranks on AJ we would come up with, none of that.” She tapped a hoof to her chin, deciding on a whim to delve even further. “That, and I really didn't want him to kiss me... I- I've never kissed anypony else before, and I didn't want my first one to be like that.”

Rarity giggled. “Do I hear a romantic side to Rainbow Dash?”

Cyan cheeks flushed red. “No!” she sputtered.

“But you just said-”

Rainbow interrupted her angrily, “If you tell anypony, I'll-”

“You'll what?” Rarity challenged, smirking. “It's not a bad thing to admit it, darling. Everpony has some romantic aspiration in their life. Yes, even Applejack and Twilight do too, as far-flung as that might seem.”

Rainbow chewed over this information, wondering and thinking. “They do?”

“Oh heavens, yes.” Rarity nodded. “I can't tell you how many times I had to listen to Twilight bubble over last year's Winter Moon Celebration.”

“Huh? Why?”

“Let's just say our little 'egghead' has quite the interest in a certain princess... And it's not her beloved teacher, either.”

“Luna?” Rainbow's eyes widened. “No way! Wait until I tell-”

Rarity placed a hoof over her mouth and shook her head. “I'm afraid this is between you and me. You want me to keep a secret for you, and now you have to keep one for me.”

Rainbow Dash moved Rarity's hoof out of the way. “Fine, but still, how?”

“How?” Rarity threw her hooves up in the air. “I don't know. The girl just spent some alone time with her, and apparently something rubbed off on her. She's even started writing to her.”

“It...it can work like that?”

Rarity rolled her eyes. “Yes, it really can. It happens quite often.”

“Even to you?” Rainbow didn't even try restraining her unbridled curiosity.

“Well, I mean, yes,” Rarity flustered, caught completely off-guard. “It has happened to me too.”

“When?”

“Rainbow! I'm not about to tell you! Some ladies like to keep their adorations private. Let's just say it's happened not too long ago.”

“Wow...” Rainbow caught herself, retreating back to the safety of her ego. “I mean, umm, that's cool, I guess.”

Rarity chuckled. “Like I said, you're a lot more than you give off.”

Warmth returned to her cheeks, yet not as severe as before. “Yeah, well, don't go telling everypony, alright?”

“I promise.”

“Thanks.” Rainbow leaned back and yawned.

“Oh dear, is it that late?” Rarity glanced at the clock. “Three-thirty, already?”

“Huh? Aw jeez, I'm sorry for keeping you up, Rares.” Rainbow sat back up straight, stretching her forelegs.

“No, no, it's quite alright.” Rarity smiled. “Anything for a friend.”

Rainbow returned the gesture sincerely. “Thanks, you really did help me feel better.”

“Did I?”

Rainbow Dash thought back to the warm, safe hug that held her while a stew of emotions raged and frothed, coming out in tears and sobs, the hooves the rubbed her back and ran through her mane as she let it all pour out, the caring, soothing voice that told it was all okay and that she'd be there for her. She realized, with a small start, that there was much to Rarity that she didn't give off either, including a profound, incredible amount of heartfelt care and passion for the ponies around her, an unwavering determination to help those truly in need. And, when she needed somepony the most, the unicorn did everything she could and more.

“Yeah,” Rainbow replied with a warm expression, “you did. I can't thank you enough, Rarity, you're wonderful- err, umm, I mean a great friend.”

Rainbow Dash's brain froze, a part of her conscious breaking off and high-tailing it for somewhere else, anywhere else. What the hell was that? Why, why, why would she ever say something like that? Frantically rummaging for an answer in her head, she found none.

“What?” Rarity stopped in her tracks, eyes widening.

“N-nothing. Forget it even happened.” Rainbow's skin began to crawl, itching like she had been thrown into poison ivy.

“No, tell me.” Rarity demanded, biting her lip.

“I can't!”

“Why not?”

“Because!” Rainbow found herself yelling. Not this again. Please, anything but this.

Sensing the growing pain, Rarity asked softly, “Rainbow Dash, you can tell me anything. I'll be here for you, no matter what.”

Heart jumping, for which Rainbow could not tell why, she let out a shaky breath. “I said...you were- were... Umm... Well, wonderful.” The last word came out like a whisper.

“Oh...” Rarity looked at the ground. It was impossible to tell her expression.

“I'm sorry,” Rainbow managed. “I- I don't know why I said it.”

“I believe I do.” Rarity's voice came out flowing on some weird energy, a distinct frequency the pegasus couldn't quite put her hoof on.

“You do?”

“Yes, I do.” Rarity looked up at her, the edges of her lips pointed upwards in a tiny grin.

Rainbow Dash felt fidgety and uncomfortable, impatient even. “Can you tell me?”

“Not exactly. I don't think you'd believe it.”

“Come on, tell me!” Annoyance drove her to raise her voice.

Unfazed, Rarity continued in her soft voice. “Could I show you?”

“Huh?” Rainbow Dash teetered for a second, uncomprehending. But, impatience drove her onwards. “Yeah, okay.”

Smiling, Rarity leaned in, getting closer and closer, her eyes closing, so close Rainbow could feel her breath on her face.

Something snapped.

In a good way. Mellow, golden waves of warmth wrapped around her, the screaming realization wresting its way out of her subconscious, its message relayed across her body, neurons firing in fury like a raging lightning storm. The pieces clicked together, and everything became one as the cogs of her mind continued on.

Rising forward on her own, she met Rarity halfway, bliss and happiness repairing the ugly wounds and scars of guilt. The tempest calmed, the waters subsided, and the sun rose from the clouds. And yet, Rainbow Dash did not venture out again. No, she stayed in harbor, where she felt she truly belonged.