Grapple had been putting this off for too long now.
Before him stood the caravan that had set up shop in town. To the average observer it looked like a quite on the level. Just a few merchants peddling there wares and earning a living under the watchful gaze of there protectors. Grapple knew better though.
The signs are subtle, barely noticeable, and always impossible to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt. You would think to look for price gouging, but that's not the real problem. Take notice of the unicorn buying stone crafts from Dawnpricks masons. He gives a fair price and never pushes the seller hard, but he only buys the works with no writing on them. Chisel a couple of Dwarf runes on them and the price doubles in the next town. Same goes of anything made of wood. Some random swirly shapes and circles and bam, Elven artifact. Zigzags and paint, mystery of the zebra lands. Sticks and chicken feathers, buffalo totem. Calling anything human made, at least 70 more coins. Don't even get me started on gnome mechanisms and cave-pony gems. Most ponies never leave there home town let alone the kingdom, so no-pony is the wiser.
If only that were the worse thing. The guilds dirtiest little secret was the plain fact the line between caravan and bandits usually depends on how far the nearest settlement is. No-pony ever asks how the caravans can afford such heavily armed guards when the army can barely afford leather armor for there troops, or how there seemed to be an endless supply of veteran warriors they can draw on for guards. Hell, he can still see the zebra branding on that lime tree! Identical to the one they got from the last zebra caravan. The caravan that insisted they only sell one of the two trees they had with them. That jewelry there trying to sell looks familiar as well.
This wasn't the reason he was reluctant to approach the caravan however. He knew the rules to that game, and what happens when you break them. No, what he was worried about was the guard they brought with them. There second guard, the big earth pony lasher. The earth pony lasher that was not an earth pony, but a keshi. A keshi he once called his droog. He would recognize him and whatever happens after that...
He needed to find Stiletto, or one of her friends.
That caravan has what he needs for his church, and he can't get it on his own.
After the battle with the thieves in which neither Stiletto or Glyph had managed to get a single blow in, Stiletto pulled Glyph aside into a grove of trees as the others left. That was just over two hours ago, now their armor lay neatly stacked by a tree. Their weapons lay crossed over against the other side of the tree. Just down the way Stiletto sleeps by a stream with Glyph nestled tightly under her wing. The two wake up as the rain begins to fall on them.
“We should get back, or we may catch cold.”
Glyph smiles, pressing closer to Stiletto "I-I guess... I like it here though." I blush a bit, looking up at her "I... wasn't expecting this... I didn't think..."
"I know, can you believe we missed all the action. You must help me learn to move like you do Glyph. Fast and without hesitation. You probably could have gotten your first kill have you not stayed back with me."
Stiletto stretches her wings out and stands slowly.
Glyph stand himself, stretching out and admiring Stiletto's wings. "Maybe... even if I had, I probably wouldn't have done anything. I would prefer to stick with you, at least then I might learn something."
"I have promised to teach you all I can mein kleiner Lehrling. Firstly do not short your abilities."
Stiletto trots over to her armor and starts to put it back on.
"klieiner Lehrling? I-I suppose I can try better... but do you really think I have skill?" Glyph walks over and begins to strap his armour on as well.
"Of course you do Glyph, speed is very important on the battle field."
Stiletto gets her last boot on and magically puts helmet on. As she lifts her axe to harness it, Stiletto looks down at Glyphs weapon
"You should use a spear Glyph."
"I've tried that before, but it's even harder to use." He hefts his axe and slings it onto his back. "I don't have the benefit of magic..."
"Has no one ever shown you how to short half? You have much more control, not as much as a saber but a good amount."
Stiletto began to trot briskly back to the village wall.
Glyph follows behind Stiletto, thinking about what she said. "Are you sure? I don't know... I've kinda gotten used to my axe. I may not be able to use it too well right now, but I've learned to move with it's weight now..."
"How many strikes does it take you to rend a limb? I bet you puncture two lungs in half the time."
Stiletto trots around the traps to the drawbridge
"Maybe, but it doesn't matter how good the strikes are," Glyph says as he hops between the traps, "If I can't move well, or hit well. Maybe it takes more work with an axe, but at least I don't trip myself."
"If only Billows could understand the weapon plans for my Great Uncles blades. Then you could get a proper weapon for your talents."
Stiletto heads to the barracks while talking to Glyph.
"I've seen a blade back in my hope village, I was hoping to find one here as well. But," asked Glyph, "what do you mean proper for my talents?"
"You can use your speed to make you deadlier, a lighter blade would be best suited to you, so you can sever joints and cause the enemy to bleed to death."
"Is that so? Guess that makes sense," Responded Glyph, "My axe is a bit heavy sometimes. But I've learned to compensate... Now I just need to learn to attack, instead of just dodge."
"Yes and you need learn how recover a charge. If the patrol is short we can train some."
Stiletto goes to check the assignment scheduled. Another long patrol was listed.
"Ruckeln Pferdeäpfel."
Glyph walks up and looks as well. "Wow... I usually get short ones, Hm... maybe I could patrol with you? I don't have much else to do."
"That would be good. Would be nice to have somepony to talk to as I walk."
Stiletto left the barracks with Glyph and began the in grounds part of her patrol
Ugh! How is it he can never seem to find people when he needs there help. Grapple had searched nearly the entire town for Stiletto, and not a hair had turned up. Every place he went, he seemed to have just missed her. How could such a big pony be so hard too find? All the other guards were too busy or too tired from the fight to help. The last one he could find that hadn't turned him down yet was Jaxler. He seemed the friendly type to help a pony down on his luck. He had even listen in to some of his sermons. Grapple was sure he would help him without a moments hesitation!
He wasn't on patrol right now, so he was most likely at the dining hall getting a drink. Hm, maybe he should talk to him about that while he was at it? Grapple made a mental note as he walked into the hall, spying Jaxler at one of the tables.
"Hello good friend! Pardon my interruption, but I was wondering if you could help me with a small problem."
Jaxler was trying to spend an afternoon in peace. He finally got a barrel of booze and was sitting in his favorite seat and was ready to enjoy himself but right as he started to drink he heard a voice.
"Hello good friend! Pardon my interruption, but I was wondering if you could help me with a small problem."
Jaxler knew that voice. It was the same voice that had almost made him lose his sanity during Glaze's strange mood. It was Grapple's voice. Jaxler saw Grapple's religion as both insane and as a cancer of ignorance. He wanted to just get up and make Grapple the second pony he flung across the meeting hall, but Jaxler needed to be professional. Regardless of if he was on or off duty he had to help ponies when they asked. So Jaxler replied calmly with "What do ya need help with."
Good, he had found Jaxler in a good mood. Now comes the tricky part, explaining the problem without giving 'it' away.
Grapple makes a quick choice, going with the old 'you-didn't-ask' trick.
"Not much really, but the holy scrolls for the new church just arrived on the caravan. They come in a big box that needs two ponies to lift. I just need an extra body, that's all."
Grapple started chanting in his mind.
'Please don't ask questions. Please don't ask questions. Please don't ask questions. Please don't ask questions. Please don't ask questions.'
Jaxler didn't want to help in with the church but he still had a job to do.
"Scrolls... sure i'll help" He picked up his crossbow "I really don't like the way that earth pony looks. I saw that pony eviscerate a diamond dog with a whip, and it looked like he enjoyed it so... We might want some protection." Jaxler put a bolt into the crossbow "Ya fine if I keep this thing loaded?
At the mention of the 'earth pony' guard, his mind rapidly flew his vast, VAST vocabulary of curses. He really should learn the rest of those languages. And he's bringing the crossbow. Why do all bowman think there holding some sort of melee weapon?
"If you think so, I'm sure we won't need it."
Celestia forgive me of the sin of lies.
"Well lets get going! No time like the present!"
Grapple started a brisk walk to the door, with any luck his old 'droog' will still be on break and he could get the scrolls without indecent.
Jaxler started to think that this might not be as bad as he previously thought. The pony hadn't even mentioned his "gods" yet. He followed Grapple out the door.
"No time like the present? What makes you say that?"
"O, you know just a saying... about work and... stuff... getting stuff done... it's good... saying, stuff."
Switch topic! SWITCH TOPIC!!
"so... Jaxler is it? Very unique name. Never heard of a Jaxler before."
The laws of perversity dictate that once you stop looking for something it finds you, it doesn't usually bring backup though. Stilettos' patrol route now put her and Glyph right inside the trade depot.
"Three times we have circle this building. If I did not know better, I would think Virtue was mad at me."
Flux wanders around the trade depot, looking for anything that catches his eye that he might be able to afford. Unfortunately, that list is very short indeed. After checking the mail pile and seeing nothing for him, he prepares to leave. As he start towards the door, though, he sees Stiletto and Glyph walk in.
"Hello meine herzlichsten Liebe."
Stiletto walks up to Flux and nuzzles him on the cheek as casually as anything. She then walks back to Glyphs side.
"You remember Glyph, yes?"
Glyph cocks his head at the nuzzle, but decides not to ask. "Hello again Flux, how are you today?"
Flux smiles, returning the nuzzle, then smiles at Glyph.
"Yep! He's your friend from the guard! I'm just looking at stuff here, how about you, Glyph?"
Jaxler thought for a moment.
"Well, I know it's a strange name. It's probably the strangest name in the entire fort, but when you need to create a new name for yourself you might as well go for one that's unique."
"I was just accompanying Stiletto on her patrol," Said Glyph "It's good to see you again."
"I hope that the two of you will both also become friends." Says Stilletto. *Nuzzels Glyph* "He is mein kleiner Lehrling."
Flux looks a bit confused as Stiletto nuzzles Glyph.
"Lehrling?"
Glyph returns the nuzzle and smiles. "Actually I was wondering that too, what does that mean? And what did you call Flux?"
"Humm. Well I guess that makes sense. Starting over can be- hey were here!"
Grapple rushed to the depo. His luck appeared to be holding as the guards were still on there overlong break. To his horror however, he found three of Dawnpricks leading citizens (including Stiletto) inside. Amazing. All day he had watched this depot and no pony had even given it a second glance. He could still salvage this however, he just needed to be fast.
"Hello Stiletto, hello Stiletto's coltfriend, hello Stiletto's other coltfriend. Can't talk, busy. MERCHANT! HAGGLE WITH ME YOU RAT BASTARD!"
Grapple cornered the caravan owner and started negotiating for the cost of transport for the scrolls, leaving the others to whatever awkward situation he left in his wake.
Stiletto looks like she was going to say something to Grapple, but seeing he was busy she turned to Glyph and Flux.
"They are titles and promises." *Kisses Glyph* "Glyphs' title means I will love and teach him." *turns and kisses Flux* "Fluxs' title means I will love him for kindness." *steps back to being beside both of them* "Now you understand yes?"
'Coltfriend?' Thinks Flux 'Other coltfriend?'
Stiletto's explanation doesn't clear anything up at all.
"Uh...no?"
Grapple left Jaxler in the same space as an alicorn. Jaxler could snap at any moment now. Jaxler had a disdain for the entire alicorn race, they were prideful, self righteous, and among other things saw themselves above the other ponies. They even go so far as to call there language "high pony", which was further proof of there ignorant pride. This time Jaxler was sober, he could hold back his desire to pick a fight with a bigger, stronger, and magical foe. So he decided to avoid eye contact and survey the merchant's goods and he said inaudibly to himself "Damned alicorns"
"Umm... wait so... We're both your... Maybe I get it? So... we're both your coltfiends? Umm or is Grapple wrong?" Glyph shakes his head, still unsure. But if we were both her coltfriends... 'I wonder... I guess is wouldn't bother me... wonder about Flux.'
"The words you use fail to convey the full amount of emotion I feel for both of you."
Stiletto spies Jaxler in the corner of her peripheral vision.
"But one moment, I have a mater of protocol that must be observed."
Stiletto trots right up to Jaxler and salutes him.
"I apologize for past misunderstandings, I would like your forgiveness."
Jaxler was trying his best to hold back his desire to pick a fight. He didn't care that Stiletto was a mare or that she was bigger, had more combat training, was more competent in combat, could use magic, and that she had three ponies as backup. The only thing that was keeping him from flinging his hoof through the air and into her face was that his rank would be in jeopardy. So he said as calmly as he could "Ya... I'm... gonna... go outside."
Flux sits down as he watchs Stiletto go talk to Jaxler, still confused and slightly hurt.
'Is she getting her words wrong again? She's so friendly, maybe she doesn't see me as anything more than a friend? At least Glyph can keep up with her...'
"Why you rude...." *Lets out a long sigh* "Someponies."
Stiletto turned around and saw Flux sitting on the floor, she could sadness on his face. So she walked up and nuzzled him again
"What troubles you meine herzlichsten Liebe? I want to make you happy."
Mortar was plotting along, heading towards the trade depot, his favorite steel chisel broke clean at the haft, perhaps a bit of brittle overfired steel. He was on his way to replace it, before running nearly head-first into Jaxler. "Oh my, sorry Jaxler! Didn't see you there...was just pondering something. What's wrong?" Mortar said, noting the disdain on his face. Did he do something wrong again?
"Yes Mortar, something is wrong. Right now I'm waiting for the insane holy stallion to go pick up his holy scrolls and then I have to help him carry the things a quarter mile to his church. But the thing that really pisses me off is the fact that that damned alicorn comes into the same damned building I'm in and starts talking to me. When she called me rude I about lost it."
Flux trys to put on a smile for Stiletto, not wanting to cause a scene at the depot.
"I... It's nothing, Stiletto. I'm just... thinking."
"All right, for now I will leave it, but, remember you can tell me anything."
Stiletto places her forehoof onto Flux's
"You're worries are mine as well."
Flux's smile becomes slightly more sincere when Stiletto places her hoof upon his, but also with a hint of sadness as well.
"Th-Thank you, Stiletto."
Arbalest and Boo go off to the caravan. Boo tells him that the caravan's a good place to meet other ponies.
Imagine his lack of surprise when he bumps into Stiletto, Glyph, and Flux. Boo always knows best.
"Hello you three! I found Boo!"
Stiletto turns to see Arbalest, a look of astonishment on her face
"You found him." *Her expression shifting to a smile* "It's good to find your friends."
Glyph turns and looks at Arbalest. "So that's Boo huh? I'm glad you found him. Told ya you would if you didn't give up."
Finally, after what seemed like an hour of back and forth ("I don't care where it bit you, your not getting a bonus!') the deal was made. Not as good as he hoped, but he was in a hurry. Now he just need to-
O come on! Is this the new meeting hall or something! What looks like two, on three more ponies had come in to look at wares now, and Jaxler was nowhere to be seen. One of the caravan guards was already back, so the other must not be far behind. Desperate times call fore desperate measures.
"Stiletto, I need to borrow your spare coltfriend." Grapple runs behind Flux, body checking Arbalast in the process, and starts pushing him over to the large crate holding the scrolls. "That means you mopy-flank, lets go!"
Jaxler walked back into the Depot to see if Grapple was done harassing the merchant.
"Hay Grapple, are ya done yet?"
Glyph moves over and pushs Grapple away from the others. "Stop that, if you want help ask. Keep this up and I'll arrest you for assault."
Grapple turns to look at Jaxler, letting Flux flop to the ground.
"Were the sod did you get to Jaxler? Never mind, lets just get out of here. You take right, I got left."
Grapple is acting very suspiciously, Boo says. Boo says that Arbalest should ask why he's acting like that.
"Hey, Grapple. Boo tells me that you're very suspicious. Why are you acting like this?"
'Is everypony here crazy?'
Flux just stands there, a bit dazed at everything suddenly going on.
'Well, at least Arbalest found Boo.'
"Arbalest, why are you suddenly speaking with proper grammar?"
Jaxler then walked over to assist Grapple in carrying the scrolls. Jaxler felt a bit sick to his stomach to be carrying something "holy".
"I think it's because he found his little hamster that Should MIND HIS OWN BUSINESSES! Lift on three ready?"
Moving to the left of the box, Grapple lowers himself down under the polls on ether side.
"One, Two, Three!"
"Ya I'm ready to lift," Responded Jaxler "But there no need to bucking yell at the guy. Also congratulation on finding Boo Arbalest."
So mom and dad gave Granite an allowance to spend at the depot, awesome! Of course he has to keep an eye on his sister who also got her allowance, but it's no big deal! Jaxler's words really spoke to him that night, and he's also really, really drunk right now. As he and his sister approached the depot, he witnessed the most chaotic crap to date!
Grapple is trying in vain to pick up some box,
Arbalest said a complete sentence,
Jaxler looks like he's about to murder every living thing in a 5 meter radius,
Flux is in complete shock,
Stiletto and Glyph seem extreemly pissed off,
and the two caravan guards just drew their weapons,
Today is a good day.
The box suddenly became much lighter as it is magically lifted. A glare from Stiletto causes the caravan guards to put their weapons away.
"Grapple, you must give me an explanation, but it can wait."
Stiletto then trots to Flux, sits behind him and wraps her wings all around him
"And you must give Flux an apology, that can not wait."
So with all this chaos going on Granite decides to amend a few wrongs and to give thanks to a few awesome ponies!
He begins his approach into the depot, telling his sister to keep close in case any snatchers show up, because she should not go through what he went through, too life changing and shocking.
Anyway, he walks up to Flux. "Yo Flux can you hear me? Yeah your in shock I take it. Anyway, here's your diary, I stole it a few nights ago, oh and sorry for the pump, I may have broke it!"
Next up was Jaxler, while he was trying to lift it Granite interrupted him. "What's up Jaxler? Yeah I remembered your advice, thank you so much! Oh, here's a random barrel of alcohol I stole bought. Have fun with the box lifting!"
He got a dirty look from Grapple, but was too drunk to give a damn. Arbalest was to his right, so Granite talked to him next. "Hey Arbalest thanks for getting me out of the well! And also congratulations on finding Boo! Again..."
He finally went back to where he started, but not before giving my thanks to Stiletto and Glyph. "Thank you two so much for protecting the fortress from all the attackers we have had over the years! Because of you two I can sleep soundly at night! Also you should get ready to fight because those guards seem a bit pissed at Grapple over there..."
Granite then marched back home while his sister stared at him trying to figure out what the hell just happened.
"Thank you, Jaxler. Be careful around this pony," Arbalest said "Boo doesn't like the smell of him."
Then the worse possible thing happens. The worse thing the guard can do, he does. He sees Grapple, takes off his face covering bandana and lifts his visor (revealing to all the world his Domidian heritage) and stares directly at him.
Grapple can only do one thing, "Hello Skrillnozh."
The guard lets out a shout and charges Grapple...
... and lifts him into a big bear hug, planting a quick kiss on his lips (sort of like European cheek kissing) laughing the entire time.
"Hahahahaha!! Grabba! Me old droog! Where you been thissin razamarook? Not viddied you in a long, long raz! How you swinging my brother? Hahahaha!*1"
'...Everypony is crazy.'
Flux mutters a surprised thanks as the grey colt gives him back his journal, and blushs a bit as Stiletto hugs him.
"Um, he doesn't need to apologize, Stiletto. I just wasn't excepting to be, er, drafted into hauling a big box. Uh, who's your friend, Grapple?"
Jaxler was utterly confused, angry, and had a dangerously low blood alcohol level. he was just about to punch out Stiletto for trying to "help" when Granite came through and left him a barrel of foreign booze and now a Domidian had just given the "holy" stallion a hug and called him his droog.
"Hay Grapple who's this?"
"Yes Grapple, who is this friend of yours? A Schatten Rasse?"
Stiletto grins impishly as Grapple gets kissed
"Close are you?"
"This..." Grapple shoves the Domidian of himself before continuing. "... is Skrillnozh. He is a thief, a bandit, a bastard, and now apparently a caravan guard. Not surprised, he has all the right credentials for one."
Skrillnozh pantimines cluching his heart.
"OoooOoOOooOooo! You cut me my brother! Not like you were riding high roads back in the misty-raz, were ya?"
With Brownie Bits safely returned home, Granite heads back to the depot for some last minute shopping. Course nothing is that easy and he arrives to find a domedian pony.
"Hey Jaxler, what the hell is going on? And why is there a devil pony thingy talking with Grapple? Oh, and is Flux still in shock 'cause I need to ask him something."
Boo was right as usual. Grapple is a skulking filthy bandit pretending to be a priest.
Jaxler wasn't angry that Grapple knew a Domidian. He was angry that he knew a bandit and that he didn't tell him about this back in the meeting hall but before he could say anything he heard Granite say something that disgusted him.
"Granite... who the hell told you that all Domidians were devil ponies?"
The presence of so many ponies makes Flux a bit nervous, but he sees a potential escape in the grey colt. Carefully and regretfully, he exits Stiletto's wing to talk to the young stallion.
"Uh, I'm alright. What did you, um, need to ask me?"
"Well I just assumed domedian ment evil Jaxler so yeah..." Granite said.
"Oh and Flux can I be your apprentice in terms of smithing and building traps and stuff?"
"if they were all evil wouldn't Grapple have a knife in his throat right now?" Asked Jaxler
Granite honestly felt bad when he came to the realization that he might be extremely racist. But what really sucked was that he may have inadvertently pissed off his hero and savior Jaxler
"Well...no. But if he were evil then he could just associate himself with Grapple to make us belive that Grapple was evil, then we would put the knife to Grapple's throat because Grapple would then be evil...wait, didn't Grapple just say the domedian was a bandit? And I always thought bandits were evil and all..."
"The Domidian is a bandit, and that Domidian just implied that Grapple used to be a bandit." Said Jaxler "Yet all the ponies in the room still focus on the Domidian. Why do you think that's so?"
"Because we have some trust for Grapple? I mean he never hurt any of us, and this guy showed up from nowhere. Oh, wait, it's because he's domedian right? Also, aren't we at war with them?"
"Who do you think stated these race wars? If you asked a pony they would say it was the Domidians, but if you asked a Domidian what do you think they'd say?"
"The domedians would say ponies, nopony would know who was right, that's why there should be a third party, like the Zebras or Buffalo..."
"And then the zebra's and the buffalo kill both sides and the wars are over right, is that the answer? The answer is that there is no answer. we refuse to cooperate. They are at war with us because we at war with them. We burn there villages because they burned our villages because they burnt ours. They kill our young because we kill there young. Everything bad they do to us we do to them, then they do it back and the cycle continues."
"Look Jaxler I'm sorry... I shouldn't judge people on their race. The odds of a domedian being evil is the same as a pony being evil. So I vote we knock both the guard and Grapple out and leave them in a ditch somewhere to deal with their problems."
"Don't be sorry. You spoke based off what people told you to think."
'Apprentice?'
Flux quietly listens to their conversation, but has to speak up now.
"Um, you shouldn't judge on what they might do, either. They're both just talking, right? No need to toss them out, is there?"
"And now I feel like a complete foal- wait I am a foal so who cares!" Exclaimed Granite.
"Flux what I'm saying is that either they're settling some old dispute, or they're gonna make out. I'm only saying we let them be alone to sort their dilema out, and the knock-out part was just to remove any future struggling to get them to a remote location, away from bothering us. And plus, if Grapple is going to be a church leader, he should be able to deal with any situation that comes up, including this current event, and my rather flawed and possibly sadistic plan."
"Um, ya. Knocking ponies out shouldn't be plan A. You... really want me to teach you smelting and mechanics?"
"Yeah, I do. And I tried do make some of the designs you made in your journal, which led to accidentally breaking that pump system. I want to learn mechanics so I can protect fellow ponies, my sister could get snatched at any moment, if I could just make a basic stone fall trap to stop that thief, then goddamn I'm gonna do it, because god knows my fighting prowess is akin to a paraplegic kitten. So mechanical devices seem to be the only way I can protect ponies. And I could make better traps if I could make metal parts and I could end up making the helmet that saves a soldiers' life, like Jaxler's for example. If I could save him like he saved me, then I will be happy. If I can help stop thieves that try to steal foals away, then I will be happy. Please teach me all you know!"
'Desperation and inebriation is an odd combination...'
"Um, sure! I'll teach you whatever I can. But I'm not a smith, I'm a forge worker, Granite. I make the steel that the smiths use, but I can't give it form. Uh, I might be able to make steel parts if given a crack at a smithy, but I haven't yet. I'm still learning mechanics myself, the pumps were probably broken before you, er, did whatever you did."
"Awesome! Thanks a bundle Flux! And all I did was try to make a catapault triggered by a remote pressure plate that launched a rock up into a hidden basket that releassed a boulder down a hill into the path of the trade depot. No, I have no idea why I tried that, and yes, I was drunk while trying to make it. It didn't work out well... the catapault missfired and put a hole in Grapple's unfinished church and the boulder was pathed wrong and broke the catapault after it fired. And I'm pretty sure the pressure plate managed to explode..."
"Um, Rule #1: Alcohol and mechanics don't mix. Neither does alcohol and smelting, by the way."
"Huh, I never knew that... wow that makes a lot of sense! No wonder it was so difficult to line up gears together when you see five copies of them!"
Grapple wanted nothing more than to leave right now, but Skrillnozh had other plans. He had been quite taken by the young colt that had just entered, he thought he was a hoot! There was, however, his little plan of knocking him out, and that devil comment needed to be punished. Not that he didn't agree with him, it's just the principle of the thing. Slowly with stealth that seemed to come as second nature to Domidians, he crept up behind the colt. When he was behind him, he lead in over him and wispered in his ear.
"Hey me malenky malchick. Slooshied you almost got snatcher-grabbed onesies. Evar messel what sloochats to malchicks and devotchkas that get snatched?"
Jaxler got his crossbow and pointed it at the Domidian and said without a hint of emotion "If you touch that foal I'm gonna put a bolt in your forehead."
So during Granite's conversation with Flux on being an apprentice, Skrillnozh crept up behind him and said something about snatchers. Now, as you can see, Granite is pretty goddamn wasted, so he interprets Skrillnozh's line as: Hey young foal, you suck, I'm going to kidnap your sister. Granite recently learned he is rather over-protective of his sister and he is obviously quick to anger. As Jaxler raises his crossbow, he does the first thing that comes to mind: attack.
Granite yells out a drunken war cry as he spins around and ducks underneath the domidian. He then proceed to steal his money and buck him in his 'stallion parts'. With him writhing on the ground in pain, Granite jacks his weapon and gives it to Grapple. He then sprints towards Jaxler and hide behind him for safety.
If Granite would have played cool then this could have all been avoided but now shit just got real. Jaxler knew the other guards were going to retaliate unless he acted fast, so he pointed his crossbow at the other Caravan guards and yelled "GRANITE, RUN."
Stiletto stands up to her full height and barks out in her clear Voice
"STOP THIS NOW! EVERYPONY CALM DOWN NOW!"
Her horn glows to warn everypony in the general vicinity that this Deutschmeiner was more they ready to buck the flank of all of them.
Ignoring Jaxler and Stiletto, Granite sprints up to the other, more unobservant guard and quickly twists his helmet backwards. The back of the helm now in his face, blocking his vision. Being only two guards, he focuses on the other one. The now disarmed Skrinozh slowly got up and was ready to charge him. As he started running, Granite followed suit, and charged right at him. He was actually quite clumsy, and Granite used that to his advantage. As he was about to enter striking distance, he jumped into the air, using both their momentum's gained from charging each other to close line him with his back legs. As it turns out, Skrinozh fell down, hitting the back of his head on the hard stone floor, causing him to lose consciousness. As Granite lands on the ground, he approachs the guard who just regained his vision. With his way of words Granite manages to convince him that Skrinozh was about to kidnap him and run... and he also bribed him with most of Skrinozh's money. The rest Granite gave half to Jaxler for making him worry so much and the other half to Stiletto in hopes she won't murder him.
Flux had really hoped that Granite would quietly sneak out. He didn't. Flux rushes out to grab him by the tail and drag him away from the depot before he starts a war.
Stiletto looks pointedly at Granite and drops the bits onto the ground
"Did, you, just, TRY TO BRIBE ME!?"
Stiletto grabs Flux and Granite in her magic
"Bring me this COLTS' Father, RIGHT NOW!"
After that ordeal, with Grapple dealing with an unconscious Skrinozh, Jaxler and Stiletto showing no emotion, and Flux dragging me away by my tail, today was a pretty good day.
"Don't worry Flux, the only witnesses were a few Zebras and the one guard I bribed two seconds ago." Granite says, "They shouldn't even remember this event. And the domidian is unconscious, and if he were to tell his superiors, he would have to say a foal did this. His pride would prevent that from happening. So don't worry Flux, this situation is under control."
Then Stiletto yelled. Oh god please help him.
"What? You don't want free money?" Oh god, bad choice of words... "Please don't kill me Stiletto. And don't tell father either, he's a butcher for crying out loud! I mean I thought that you would accept it in terms of... you know what? I don't care! Tell him, TELL HIM I DID THIS! SHOW HIM HOW I KNOCKED OUT THAT GUY! SHOW HIM HOW I STOLE ALL THIS CRAP! DO IT! I DARE YOU!"
He is so screwed...
"BUCKING HELL GRANITE!!! YOU REALIZE I ALMOST HAD TO BE YOUR MEAT SHIELDS, RIGHT?"
Jaxler stopped for a second to calm down
"Alicorn... allow me to care of this"
Flux floats gently in Stiletto's magic, Granite's tail still in his mouth.
"Um, maybe I should take him to his, uh, dad? And you guys stay here to make sure this doesn't get out of hoof?"
Oh god. Jaxler's gonna discipline him. Jaxler. The very angry and sometimes cruel Jaxler. The Jaxler that knocked out Stiletto. That Jaxler...
20% more screwed.
Wait, did Flux just say something?
"Flux," Begged Granite, "as my mentor I strongly urge you to take disciplinary action! Not the alicorn or the psycho markspony! No offence to either of you..."
"That's... probably a good idea." Glyph looks around, "Yeah... we don't need a bigger fight breaking out." He pauses at Granite's words. "On second thought, maybe we should teach him a lesson here."
'beruhigen, beruhigen, er ist nur ein Fohlen.'
"Oh yes, your father will hear about this, that guard will be fine in a second, thank the sisters."
Stilettos' body did stop seething at this point but steam was still coming off of her
"Glyph, get the irons, this foals' parents, and Ms Panacea."
"IRONS!" Exclaimed Jaxler, "You don't plan to beat the kid, do you!"
"Right, just... everyone stay calm until I get back okay?" Glyph runs off to do as Stiletto asked, returning shortly thereafter, irons in mouth and ponies in tow. "Here you go Stiletto."
Irons, Granite's parents... and Panacea?
Oh man this is going to hurt...
"Do your worst!" He really should just stop talking.
"Oh, hey mom and dad. Is Brownie Bits sleeping?"
Grapple was quite a bit impressed. That colt was fast. If he was half as fast has him back in the day...
If only he wasn't a complete moron. On the plus side, it looks like he's not the only one loosing my touch. I remember when Skrillnozh would have cut a pony in two if he had tried something like that, with a whip of all things. Not pretty.
Hold on, looks like Skrillnozh is coming to now. He never did let blunt force trauma keep him down.
Jaxler was angry. he was about ready to punch Stiletto in the face for mentioning the "sisters" and if she was going to hurt a foal any respect he could have had for her would be gone. If she did anything to the foal he wouldn't be able to control himself.
"If... you hurt that foal... I won't be very happy"
Stiletto takes the irons in one hoof
"I am not going to do anything Jaxler. YOU on the other hoof, will be slaping these on Granite and taking him and his parents to tell Miss Virtue exactly what happened. The post is closed until Ms Panacea gives all the guards a clean bill of health. All of these goods are to be searched for procedures sake. HAVE I MADE MYSELF CLEAR!?"
"DON'T YOU BUCKING YELL AT ME!! I TAKE ORDERS FROM PARTISAN AND HIM ONLY!!"
Granite suddenly stops caring about what happens next.
"YES MA'AM!" He enthusiastically shouts. He looks towards Jaxler.
"Jaxler, it's okay. I brought this upon myself and I will face the consequences! Now chain me up!"
'Course I'm drunk and won't feel a thing! For now... I already know this is gonna end poorly for me, and tomorrow morning is gonna suck.'
Glyph draws his axe and stands in front of Jaxler, anger flashing in his eyes. "You will follow orders, or you will be the one in irons. Or pieces. Am I clear?"
Stiletto looked coldly at the little unvergessen with a crossbow, then Glyph steps up to him and she almost smiles.
"Miss Virtue will be the one to determine what his punishment will be and how he will compensate the guards."
"You smile when you pass judgment, how fitting." Jaxler picks up the irons and puts them on Granite, feeling sick to his stomach. Jaxler then said quietly to himself "I know your enjoying this"
"Enjoying what?" Granite really dosen't get it...
"So how pissed do you think Virtue's gonna be?"
"I dunno"
"Well, I hope I can still live here with my family, that's my only concern. Hopefully she won't be that harsh. Let's just get this over with..."
Jaxler walks off with Granite feeling sick to his stomach and self loathing.
"I don't honestly think she's going to do anything too harsh to you your. Better off with her than with the alicorn."
Stiletto sighs heavily
"Glyph, please follow them while I search these crates. Make sure he see Miss Virtue."
"No arguments here." Granite replied to Jaxler.
"Of course Stiletto, be careful though, these guys might not be too happy with us." Throwing a quick salute Glyph heads off after Jaxtler.
Flux follows the others to Virtue's.
Jaxler noticed the small pony behind him, the same one that threatened his life earlier. Jaxler was emotionally exhausted, had a stomach ache, and would probably have to bludgeon a foal later on in the day.
"Did the alicorn send you..."
"You should learn to watch you say." Responded Glyph, "Yes Stiletto sent me to make sure you did as you were ordered."
"Don't act like a tough guy to somepony who can beat the living snot out of you. I hope you realize that I about punched you in the face back there and to be honest I'd prefer it if I did."
"Um, can we all please calm down?" Begs Flux, "Another fight won't help anypony..."
"I just told you to watch what you say." Glyph drew his axe again setting his hooves. "You don't have a place to talk, you're just a filly playing soldier. Now are you going to do as you've been ordered, or are you going to be making a trip to the hospital."
"You have no idea do you. I am not filly playing soldier. I was bucking drafted and everypony keeps on forgetting it. I'll talk when I please even if it gets me beaten or murdered, and if that's to much for you then just chop my head off right now and tell the alicorn I tried to attack you."
"Can we all just stay calm?" Granite asked, "It's not like I'm about to face ultimate judgement for the day's previous events or anything... OH WAIT!"
"Sorry Granite but I want to know if Mr. soldier pony has the guts." Jaxler then put his crossbow on the ground and pointed his hoof right at his neck.
"Jaxler don't do this! If nothing else live so I can idolize you for a bit longer..." in a much quieter tone Granite add "I can steal some of his crap if you want... just throwing it out there."
Virtue is sitting in her office, trying to concentrate on her paperwork despite the growing noise outside. What was going on, anyway? If it didn't settle down in a moment or two she'd have to go find out for herself. Hopefully nothing too serious.
'Oh, this is bad. Very very bad! Wait, there's her office!'
Flux disengages from the group to pound on Virtue's door, hoping somepony in charge could diffuse the situation.
"Virtue!"
"Oh really..." Glyph slams his axe into the ground, and steps forward. "If you want a fight I can oblige. Step away from the foal, I wont have him hurt because of your ego."
Virtue sits up at the sudden pounding and bounds over to the door. This must be bad... She flings the door open, half expecting badger pony thieves to be killing everypony, only to find Flux and a gaggle of other ponies apparently ready to mob each other.
"What's going on here?!"
Stiletto was making a very efficient search of the boxes
"I hope nothing went wrong. I am being silly, they just went to get Miss Virtue, what could possibly go wrong?""
"I didn't ask for a fight!" Exclaimed Jaxler, "I asked if you had the nerve to strike down an insubordinate stallion like a good little mindless soldier."
"Virtue!" Shouted Granite, "HELP!!! THEY'RE GONNA KILL EACH OTHER!!!"
"Um, Virtue!" Flux says, "Jaxler and Glyph are g-gonna fight and they w-wont listen to me!"
Virtue gives Flux a startled expression before trotting past him next to the two squabbling stallions. She gives each an confused and slightly irritated glance. "What's the problem here?"
Glyph stalks up and slap Jaxler across the face, hard. "You should learn to use what little brain you have. I don't execute unarmed ponies. Even ones who act as arrogant as you. Now then, we seem to have arrived, so pick up your crossbow and let's get on with this." Glyph retrieves his axe and slings it.
"If you refuse to kill the unarmed then your a horrible soldier." Jaxler flew a few feet into the air. he then started to fly forward at full speed and flung his hoof into glyph's forehead at full force. "BOY THAT FELT GOOD... oh hay Virtue."
Glyph sees the blow coming and steps aside, watching as Jaxtler flies past. "Hello Virtue, we were coming to see you about some poor behavior on the part of Granite."
Virtue flinches as Jaxler soars past her. She gives both ponies a scowl and points a hoof to her office. "You two. Inside. Now." She looks down at Granite and then up to his parents. "Would you excuse me for a minute? I'll be right with you."
Granite looks at Glyph and shouts at him.
"Poor behavior?! I may have just started a war and you call that poor behavior! You have weak standards!"
He turns to face my parents while in shackles.
"Hey dad, how was work?"
Glyph's heart sinks at Virtues look, and he begins to slowly walk to Virtue's office, my head hung low.
"Fine, what seems to be the problem, Virtue?" Jaxler walks into the office head held high.
Virtue directs them to chairs in front of her desk. She sits heavily across from them and straightens her mane with a hoof. After a few moments of staring silently into her desk, she looks up, giving each pony a several second stare.
"Now... I'm going to give each of you a chance to explain to me why you were fighting. In front of a little colt, no less." She looks over to Glyph. "Let's start with you."
Outside, Flux shifts awkwardly with only Granite and his parents around.
"Um... did anypony tell you what's, uh, happening?"
"Yeah, did you two hear what happened? Or should I tell you?" Asked Granite. "Oh and can this total stranger be my mentor and educate me in the ways of smelting and mechanics?"
Glyph keeps his head down, staring at the floor as he speaks in a quiet voice. "As I said, we were coming to see you because of Granite's actions. He attacked, and stole from the caravan guards, and then attempted to bribe Stiletto and Jaxtler. When Stiletto ordered him bound and brought here Jaxtler became insubordinate until threatened. Stiletto then asked me to follow Jaxtler to ensure the orders were followed. He became... insulting, and challenged me to make him follow orders. Apparently he believed I would strike down an unarmed pony for refusing an order... that made my temper flare and I struck him."
Glaze and Cleaver each shake their heads as Flux speaks up. Glaze gives him a slightly worried expression. "No... could you tell us what's going on, please?" She pulls Granite over and whispers to him, "We'll talk about that later..."
Virtue frowns slightly and nods as Glyph explains himself. Granite was to blame for this? The little colt? Hard to believe... She turns to Jaxler. "Very well then, what do you have to say for yourself, Jaxler?"
"Um, ok. From the, uh, beginning then?" Flux stuttered, "He... attacked the er, caravan guards? And robbed them? The, uh, guards, not the caravan. Then he, um, tried to bribe Jaxler. Oh, and Stiletto, so they'd... look the other way? Stiletto, um, had Glyph get some irons, uh, the ones he's in right now, actually. And, um, then Jaxler and Glyph got in a fight? Oh, wait, you were there for that part. Um... and Granite wants me to teach him about mechanics and, uh, smelting?"
"THE DOMIDIAN STARTED IT! HE THREATENED TO KIDNAP ME AND HARM BROWNIE BITS!"
Granie calms down a bit.
"And I only knocked out the domidian, the other guard I just blinded for a few seconds... Oh, and can Flux teach me stuff, please?"
"Well." Began Jaxler, "after Granite stole from and beat up the guards I was given orders from Stiletto. I informed her that she didn't have jurisdiction over me and that you and Partisan were the only ponies allowed to give me orders. I did do as she told me even though I was of duty but that was only after glyph practically said he would kill me if I didn't. So I was escorting Granite here when Glyph decided to follow me because the alicorn gave him orders to do so. Glyph then went so far as to insult me for informing stiletto that she didn't have jurisdiction over me. I then tell him that I have a right to free speech and I'd rather die than have that taken away from me. He then walks up to me and slaps me in the face, and then I retaliated as any sensible stallion would."
Cleaver frowns as he hears Flux's explanation. He turns to Glaze. "Honey, get those chains off him and take Granite home. I'll speak with Virtue about this." He looks up to Flux. "Thank you for the explanation, we'll handle it from here."
Virtue sighs and rests her head on a hoof. Wonderful. The guard and militia were at each others throats, and Jaxler was worrying her with his use of the word alicorn. So help her, if he attacekd Stiletto again, she didn't know what she was going to do about it. She looks up eventually.
"Alright, let's set a few things straight." She looks at Glyph. "Jaxler is right that Stiletto can't just give him orders. She outranks him by seniority, but he's in the guard and not the militia."
She immediately turns to Jaxler, prepared to fight off any riposte he might make at Glyph. "However, just because she's not in the guard doesn't mean you shouldn't listen to her, Jaxler. She can't give you orders, but she is a good soldier and I have confidence in her decisions."
Her eyes move from one pony to the next. "You're all responsible for our safety. I don't want a breakdown in the chain of command to stem from something like this. You all need to trust each other and that means even members of the other branches. Unless you've got a very good reason not to, I expect you to listen to each others opinions and ideas. That goes for anypony, whether they're under Halberd, Naginata or Partisan.
"And I expect the two of you to check your tempers. We can't afford for you to be shouting at each other, much less attacking each other. Imagine if a diamond dog tried to sneak into the settlement while you were fighting? And what sort of example do you think you were setting for Granite?"
Speaking of which, she needed to have a long talk with him and his family, if what Jaxler and Glyph told her was true. Stiletto too, maybe. She should know better than to edge Jaxler on like that.
Glyph's head droops even lower as Virtue speaks. 'I really messed this one up...'
"Y-yes Ma'am Virtue... I wont let it happen again" He trys to keep the sadness out of his voice, unsuccessfully.
As much as jaxler wanted to comment about stiletto he felt it was best to agree.
"Fine I'll try my best to avoid picking a fight with anypony else."
"If... if you'd like Miss Virtue... I will leave the militia..."
Virtue sighs and gives him something between a frown and a smile. She shakes her head. "No, Glyph, that's the last thing we need for you to do right now." She points at the map of the caverns on the wall and a map of Dawnpick with markers placed everywhere a badger pony thief had entered the fort.
"We don't have enough armed ponies guarding us as it is, and if we're going through with trying to clear out the monsters underground, we're going to need everypony's help. I just want all of you to get along and work together."
"Of... Of course. I wont fail you again Virtue, you'll see. I'll..." Glyph looks down as his voice drops to a whisper. "I'll make you proud of me."
She smiles and nods at him. She wasn't quite sure what the last little bit was, but she decides to let it slide. "I'm glad to hear it."
Her eyes move between the two again. "I'm glad we're all in understanding. Let's try to get along, okay? And I'll go speak with Stiletto about the chain of command and the caravan masters to see about any damages and setting things straight there."
She cuts her eyes to the door. And she'd have to figure out this mess about Granite, but one thing at a time.
Mortar suddenly knocks on Virtue's office door, without really realizing the situation within. He pushes the door open and trots inside. "Hey erm...Virtue? The caravan traders are refusing to trade me a new chisel. I can't quite understand through their thick accents, but seems they are awfully upset about something. He looked over his shoulder for a moment. "Somepony also vandalized one of the statue pedestals I was setting up for statues expressing our friendship with those whom trade with us." A light tint appeared on his cheeks. "Erm...to you know...help motivate everyo- what's going on here?" He blinked between the mare and two stallions.
Virtue gives the two soldiers a small gesture and a smile. "I think we're done here, so you two can go about your business." She looks up to Mortar with the same smile and says, "Oh, don't worry, nothing you should be concerned about." She stands and starts for the door. "I was actually just headed to go see about helping out with the little situation there."
Jaxler got up and said "Well I think it's about time I head out of here" and moved out the door.