"How did this happen?"
"Why did it have to happen to me?"
"Why did I leave her all alone?"
So many questions like these flow around my thoughts every day.
I suppose I should start at the beginning. It was funny enough at the start.
My name is Samuel Higgott. I'm currently twenty one and am living in a secluded part of Equestria, far away from the prying eyes of Canterlot and Ponyville. Far away from the girls, the grumpy lunar Princess...and her.
My Celestia...my Tia.
It all started a little over a year ago. I was just typing away at my laptop, courtesy of my Dad who had lent it to me whilst I was recovering from surgery. Painful surgery mind you, I mean seriously I still remember waking up after the surgeons had attacked...sorry, healed my tailbone.
Yeah it hurt like a bitch. I couldn't type for ages and even as the weeks went by it remained agony to do much more then move around a bit, let alone walk.
Anyway I suppose I should explain some of the more important details of my past...well seeing as I can never go home, it brings me no fear to divulge this information. Equestria, the Princesses and the Mane Six. They all exist in my world as a show that was originally aimed at little girls, but like the rebels most Humans are, we decided to take an interest in the show ourselves and eventually became infatuated with it.
And thus clopping was born...ugh.
I still remember the shivers I got after my I caught my friend looking at numerous pictures of Fluttershy in socks...I think the poor mare would have a panic attack if she ever saw that. And thus I keep my Laptop locked down at all times.
Yes I'm looking at you Pinkie Pie! I know you're watching me type this somehow...damn forth wall breaker.
Anyways there I was writing the sixth chapter for an exciting story that involved Nightmare Moon and a particular Human called Jason Storm. Oooh the gore that was involved in that chapter. I mean they're not evil or anything but everyone has a limit. Unfortunately I never did get to finish that chapter.
One second I was typing and next the power went out and the whole building shook...thankfully my buddy Microsoft Word autosaved. Anyway seeing as my Mom was out and my other siblings had gone off with their friends somewhere I held no fear that any of them were hurt. But being the curious guy I am, I decided to investigate what caused the mini quake.
Imagine my surprise when I found my house surrounded by rubble and colorful ponies that to be honest didn't really look like ponies at all. Their muzzles were too small for one and their expressions of sheer shock weren't something you'd expect to see on your average pony.
Especially when my mind was fervently trying to deny what my eyes were seeing.
To distract myself I looked around and quickly realized that my house and I had landed in what appeared to be a really big chamber. In fact as I noticed the empty throne a short distance away, I quickly summarized just were exactly I had crashed.
"What the...Um. Hello, are you alright?"
I looked to my right as I heard this question and nearly passed out in sheer surprise as I saw none other than Princess Celestia and Princess Luna walking over to me cautiously
My reaction?
I proceeded to slam the door, walk up to my bedroom and fall flat on my bed with my pillow over my head.
Yes I know it isn't really what you expected is it? I bet you expected me to attempt a conversation or...faint or something along those lines. But unlike most cliche fanfictions, I reacted like any sane person would if they saw the impossible.
Namely try to convince myself that it wasn't real.
Well...that didn't really work.
I heard the sound of clopping getting progressively nearer and the next thing I know there is something prodding my back.
"Art thou okay creature? Why hast thou put a pillow upon thine head?"
Okay it didn't take a genius to figure out who said that.
"Because this isn't real and I am comfortable," I replied dryly.
The "Prodder" giggled at my reply which was quickly followed up by another voice scolding her.
"Hush Luna, you're probably frightening it," came a voice I recognized all too well.
I suddenly found myself being relived of my pillow and magically forced into a sitting position. It was then I saw the warm smile from Princess Celestia and the mischievous one from Princess Luna.
"Hello..." I said awkwardly.
"Hello." Celestia replied, smiling despite the almost crushing sensation of awkwardness in the room.
"You're in my house," I said needlessly.
"You're in my castle," she replied, a small but noticeable smirk on her muzzle.
I looked between the two sisters and put my hand on face, effectively facepalming.
"Celestia and Luna in my bedroom. I'm not sure if it's some cloppers fantasy or if it's just the universes way of trolling me," I muttered sarcastically.
"You know who we are?" Celestia asked, cocking an eyebrow curiously as I nodded. As well as pointedly ignoring Luna's giggling and quite mumbling of "He said cloppers. Haha."
"Yup. Where I'm from almost everyone knows who you are...it'll take way too long to really explain it though," I told them.
Celestia put a hoof to her forehead and rubbed it as she apparently considered her options. She then looked at me and smiled warmly, before lowering her horn to my head.
If the numerous fanfictions were anything to go by, this meant my privacy was about to be invaded...all of it.
And so it was. A flash of her horn and everything that had ever happened to me was instantly known to the Princess. I was very angry at the sudden violation of my privacy...but when I considered the fact that I sort of ruined her throne room, I didn't argue about it.
Her expression when she pulled back and looked at me was...shocked, to say the least. She turned to her sister and apparently shared her new found knowledge with her.
And then Luna slapped me.
"Ow! What was that for?" I asked, rubbing my sore cheek. The mare can really pack a punch.
"The Nightmare does not love, she ruins everything in her path!" she all but screamed at me.
Hmm I took a guess that she didn't exactly approve of one of my particular stories.
"Hey it's just an idea, a story. Chill out," I said, trying my hardest not to wither at her angry gaze.
It was only then that I really noticed Celestia looking at me...with a blush?
Oh God did she read...
"Ahem. I apologize on Luna's behalf. Nightmare Moon is still a...sensitive topic for her. However what you revealed to me is...astonishing, to say the least. That we only exist as fiction in your world, that magic is impossible and nopony is intelligent but your own species...Astonishing as I said."
She moved her head closer to mine and smirked as she continued talking.
"Come back to me? An interesting concept...one that would be quite popular if you published it here I imagine."
I could only stutter at this but quickly regained control of myself and just stopped talking.
"Actually I have a proposition for you, if you're interested," she said calmly, her unnerving gaze never leaving my own.
"Um okay. What are you proposing?" I asked curiously.
The Alicorn sat down on her haunches and stuck her hoof out for me to shake, talking as she did so.
"Well seeing as you destroyed half of my throne room, I was hoping you'd repay me by assisting me with a negotiation that I will unfortunately have to take elsewhere. I have absolute confidence that you will be able to assist me with it."
What?
Well to say I was surprised would be a teeny tiny understatement. I mean isn't this the part where she shoves me onto one of the Mane Six for no good reason other than to advance the stories plot...Okay I read way too much fanfiction.
"Um...I-"
"Excellent. I knew you would agree," she interrupted, shaking my hand vigorously whilst her sister merely giggled behind her.
Celestia really is a bloody troll by the way.
And so it was that thirty minutes later I found myself standing in some strange conference room that I had never seen in the show. There were numerous ponies opposite Celestia's stand, most of them being Unicorn's in some fancy getup.
Celestia had told me that they would be discussing the unimportance of them working together with Earth ponies. Something that I picked up more or less straight away as nothing more than petty racism.
And oh my sweet Jesus it was boring. Having to listen to this one particular Unicorn droning on and on about the "Filthy mud dwellers" and "Dirty foals" was one of the most painful experiences of my entire life.
Eventually I called the racist fucker out. I had a feeling that I wasn't really supposed to interrupt him...but he was SERIOUSLY annoying.
And I laid everything I had on that motherfucker.
I told him about how my world used to be abnormally racist, about how they refused to give the same rights to different colored people, simply for the fact that they weren't white. And then I completely showed him up by informing him that ever since their rights were changed... equalized to everyone else, that we had advanced at an exceptional rate compared to beforehand.
Of course I may or may not have been making it up as I went along, history never was my favorite topic at school. But none the less the Unicorn shut up and was quickly outvoted by the majority.
Earth ponies One.
Racist Unicorn Zero.
I walked out the room with Celestia, who was rather quiet to be honest...Yet as we flew off on her chariot, the alabaster mare suddenly exploded with uncontrollable giggles..
"T-That was t-the most entertaining t-thing I have ever seen," she gasped in-between her laughter.
She didn't stop giggling until we arrived back at her castle, hell even then she was still attempting to restrain a grin. As we entered the castle the thought of "How do I get home" rang in my head, and so I attempted to ask...but.
"Come and work for me," Celestia said excitedly
"What?" I replied dumbly.
The Princess smiled at my confusion and flicked her eyes towards my house...or what was left of it. Yeah...my house had been completely demolished, although my stuff had been saved and put to one side.
"I have nowhere to live," I said bluntly, not really approving with her idea of destroying my home.
"Then come work for me and live in the castle," she replied calmly...a little too calmly.
"You planned this didn't you?" I asked dryly.
"Whatever gave you that idea?"
She's a troll...no doubt about it.
And so it was that I ended up working with the Princess, but only with her promise of finding me a way to get home behind it.
The whole beginning was pretty funny, or at least I thought so at the time.
But now...Now you'll know what happened...and how I broke my own heart...and hers.
It had been a year since Celestia hired me. The job was actually not too bad. I ended up becoming something akin to her assistant, but not only with Princess related issues. I suppose you could say that when she hired me, she really only befriended me albeit with some paperwork for fun. I never knew why at the time. She had so many ponies that would gladly spend their lives doing my "job" for her.
And yet when I asked her this she merely said that she wanted somepony who could actually talk to her as Celestia, not as their Princess.
I suppose with me not counting her as my anything helped a lot.
And so we talked as we worked, me doing the seriously annoying paperwork and Celestia signing scroll after scroll. She asked me about my childhood, my struggles as I grew up and even really personal topics like girlfriends or marefriends as the Princess had called them. It turned out when she looked into my mind she didn't look into my personal one.
She just scanned my knowledge, not my memories.
In return I asked her about her life, what it was like growing up as a Princess and how she coped with Luna's banishment.
I stayed away from her love life.
Over time our conversations became...more personal. Like her asking me if I could ever like a mare, which I responded to with a positive.
"Mare or Human it doesn't matter Celly. Besides I always preferred personality over looks."
This seemed to please her immensely.
We actually became so close, that one night, after hours of paperwork and boring nobles, Luna gave her sister a rather high alcoholic content drink called "The Buckaroo". And even though Celestia wasn't really the type to drink, I may have persuaded her to just relax for once...and boy did she.
I think we emptied not only that particular bottle of hard liquor, but about three other bottles of Sweet Apple Acres hard cider.
Needless to say, we were relatively drunk.
"And then Lulu came out of the bathroom with it stuck on her horn and went around telling everypony that she was Captain Condom!" Celestia guffawed, giggling really uncharacteristically.
I laughed like an idiot at this revelation and ended up struggling to keep a hold of my bottle.
"Hahahaha, and how long did it take for you to let that go?" I slurred, only able to talk due to Celestia and I more or less leaning on each other.
Celestia leaned extremely close to my face and grinned evilly.
"I still haven't!" she giggled, unintentionally spraying my face with cider.
"Oh sorry, I think I've had a bit too much," she apologized, cleaning my face her hoof. Thankfully her slippers had been long since abandoned.
"It's fine, it's fine." I consoled, taking her hoof off of my face with a little effort.
Celestia then shakily stood up and swayed her way over to her bed, collapsing under the covers and stretching her rather long legs. I just smiled and slowly began to make my way out. I stopped however when I found myself being enveloped in a golden aura and more or less thrown onto the bed with her.
"Celly what are you doing?" I asked drunkenly, the throw making me feel a little dizzy.
The Alicorn just grabbed me and pulled me next to her, her expression stern yet remarkably cute at the same time.
"You're too drunk to find your way to your chambers so you're staying in mine!" she half slurred, half demanded.
I just shrugged and took my top off, threw it on the floor and lay on my side facing Celestia. She just patted my head proudly and snuggled her head into her pillow.
"Good Stallion," she said, before she squinted at me questioningly and tilted her head.
I just smiled back at her and...made a little drunken mistake.
I kissed her snout lightly before closing my eyes and attempting to go to sleep.
However...
The next thing I knew, Celestia was laying on top of me and more or less snogging me as best she could. I didn't know how to react to this and so did what every guy would do in this situation back home.
I put my arms around her and returned her kiss with my own.
The next day both of us woke up to the feeling of stickiness, a headache and sweat.
After that it was an awkward couple of months.
We brushed past that night and treated it as one would treat any drunken one night stand. But even as the weeks passed me by I could still catch her staring at me intently or smiling as she gazed at me unfocusedly. And I wasn't exactly innocent myself, having found myself staring at her without actually realizing it or thinking about her in rather...provocative positions.
The tension between the two of us was so thick you could cut it with a knife.
And then that Night happened...that one unforgiving night.
The night I broke her heart...and my own.
We were working together as per usual, nothing there could have told me what was about to happen.
"Can you pass me the forth note please Sam?" Celestia asked, smiling as I searched for it and passed it to her.
Her hoof touched my hand briefly as I passed her the note...it felt soft and warm. Much like her that one-
"Enough Sam! It was one night and one night only. Just let it go..."
A few more minutes passed without anything other than silence for company. Even though I wasn't looking at her, I could see her quickly looking at me out of the corner of my eye. I rubbed my tired eyes and rotated my shoulders to try and rid myself of the tension that they carried.
"Are you alright Sam?" Celestia asked worriedly, putting her notes down as she saw me wince.
"I'm fine Celly, just a little sore that's all." I replied, trying my hardest to avoid looking at her expression.
She was always concerned with my well being...more so then many others to be fair.
I went back to my work and heard Celestia put her stuff down after a few minutes. I assumed she was going to the bathroom or something but was pleasantly surprised when I felt her hooves go under my top and start to rub my shoulder blades firmly.
"Celly? What are you-"
"Oh just shush Sam. You're exhausted, I'm exhausted. Just let me help you relax a bit okay." she interrupted sternly...but with traces of concern in her tone as well.
I knew better then to argue with her when she was in this mood. I had gotten used to it and thus had dubbed it the "Shut up and let me help you idiot" mood.
Either way her hooves rubbing up and down my back felt surprisingly good. I could feel the tension easing away as she kept it up.
After a few more minutes she stopped and took her hooves out of my top...before proceeding to move then gently upwards, reaching my chest which they softly wrapped themselves around.
"Celly?" I asked, turning my head to her and looking into her eyes...eyes that were so close to my own.
"Can't you feel it?" she whispered. "That...distance between us closing even as we fight it."
I knew what she was talking about. The tension I felt every time we looked...we touched...it was mind numbing.
And unlike my stories, where this would turn into a long speech of love and want...Celestia just kissed me.
It felt so real, the situation, the tension that was so real it was almost tangible.
This was no story...it was real.
And even as I returned the kiss passionately...I knew we couldn't do this.
I cupped her cheek as I turned around but to her dismay, slowly pushed her away from me. She looked quite hurt as I did this...and that nearly made me stop before I started.
"Celly we can't do this." I said sadly, keeping my eyes locked on hers...she looked so upset.
"Why?" she replied, her voice nearly breaking as she asked it.
"I don't know how long you live Celly, but it's longer than I ever will. And I can't let myself age to dust...knowing that you will have to watch me do so."
Even as I tried to stand up Celestia put her forehooves on my legs to keep me down, her watery eyes gazing into my own.
"But I don't just feel feelings for you Sam...I...I need you with me. You don't treat me like a Princess or a ruler...you treat me like Celestia...and I love you for that."
She brushed my nose with her snout but kept her eyes on mine, watching, looking for any sign of approval.
But I couldn't...I should never have stayed here...should never have let myself love...
"Please Sam," she croaked feebly. "I know you love me too, I can see it in your eyes. We...We can find a way for you to stay with me forever. We can work through this...Please Sam don't reject me after all this time."
I wanted so badly to accept her offer...I loved her too. Since that drunken night the months of constant tension had built this up, worked up my feelings into such a state that I never knew...until then.
Oh why did I only know then?
"I can't do it Celly...I'm not strong enough for this..." I said...not entirely sure if I was pleading or apologizing.
Celestia put her hoof in my hand and I felt her grip it tightly.
"You are strong enough. Sam please, I'm begging you. Just stay with me, we can get past this...Don't leave me alone loving you...I don't think I'm strong enough for it either.
I stood up...letting her hoof fall from my hand as I slowly walked past her...
I just wasn't strong enough...I'm still not strong enough...
Celestia ran in front of me and stood on her hind legs, her hooves holding herself up as she kissed me desperately. She drew back and pleaded with teary eyes...
"Don't go please...we can work through this!"
I stood there for what felt like hours...but...
"I'm sorry Celly...I love you too but I just can't...I'm just not strong enough...forgive me."
I brushed Celestia aside and ran from the castle like my life depended on it.
It's been almost six months since that day. I write it down now because I can never allow myself to forget what I did...what I was too weak to accept.
But life is looking up so far. I found a place to live not too far from a little village called Foalsville, Crystal Justice eat your heart out. It's cosy enough now that I've sorted the little house out.
There's also this mare I'm...sort of seeing who works in the village as a foalsitter...sweet girl really. She's a Unicorn called Bluebell and her special talent is quite literally looking after foals. She's gone on a little holiday with her friends for the weekend, it's well deserved though. The silly mare takes on too many kids sometimes. But it is sweet to look at.
I've made sure to stay away from highly populated cities, especially ones that are run by nobles. I'm not frightened of Celestia or anything like that...the reason is-
I stopped writing as I heard a knock on my door and sighed before I quickly saved it and closed the laptop. I walked down the hallway and opened the door, suspecting it to be another bloody preaching pony.
But it wasn't...
"Hello Sam," uttered Princess Celestia.
To Be Concluded?