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// Chapter 2 - In which beverages are unidentified 
// Story: Sophistication, experimentation, and inebriation 
// by Rhodesm96 
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Cabinet was awoken by a loud bang coming from directly in front of his face.
“AAAAH!” He screamed, suddenly wide awake and rolling off of the couch.
Jumping up, he looked around for the source of the disturbance, only to find himself staring down the barrel of a rather large cannon. It was at this point that he noticed he was covered in confetti and streamers.
“What the hell?!” He exclaimed.
“Hiya Cabby, how do ya like my party cannon?” Chirped Pinkie, trotting out from behind the cannon.
“Party… cannon? Why do you have a party cannon?” Cabinet responded, beginning to gather his wits again.
“Well for the party of course, you silly filly!” She exclaimed, spinning him around.
“Oh.” He said. “How did I miss that?”
All around him, it seemed a party was in full swing. Ponies were everywhere, in the kitchen, the living room, up the stairs. A flash of green and brown caught his eye as he surveyed the room.
“Excuse me a moment Pinkie, I need to-” He began, but stopped when he realised that Pinkie and her cannon were no longer behind him. He shrugged, and went off in search of his cousin.
		

Meanwhile, Positive Charge was busy playing the good host. He was so caught up in talking to the guests that he didn’t even notice Cabinet angrily walking towards him. 
“You!” Exclaimed Cabinet when he reached his cousin. “Why did I wake up in the middle of a party covered in confetti and streamers! And why is it night! I swear I only slept for a few minutes!”
“And you would have done,” Began Positive, “But that wouldn’t have been enough time to get everything set up for this. So I slipped something in your drink.”
“YOU DRUGGED ME?!” Exclaimed Cabinet, outraged.
“Little bit.” Replied Positive, with a completely straight face.
Cabinet was about to begin yelling at his cousin, but decided against it, instead opting for a facehoof and a groan.
“When did you even have time to plan all of this?”
“Earlier at the library, when I was talking to Pinkie. All there really was to plan was to get her to throw it here instead of at Sugarcube Corner.”
“And just what is this party in aid of?”
“Well it’s your ‘welcome to Ponyville’ party of course!” Exclaimed Pinkie from right next to him.
“GAAH!” Shouted Cabinet as he fell over in surprise from Pinkie Pie seemingly appearing next to him.
“How the hell do you do that?” He exclaimed.
“No, no, no!” Said Positive as he ‘helped’ him get to his feet by telekinetically yanking his tail into the air. “Remember lesson numero uno? What should you never apply logic to?”
Cabinet just stared at him. He had already realised that Pinkie had disappeared again.
“…You know what?” He deadpanned, “I need a drink.”
He walked off into the kitchen, remembering a cupboard full of booze from earlier.
		

Cabinet trotted into the kitchen and headed straight for the alcohol cupboard, completely ignoring the other ponies in there.
“Whoa there, what’s the rush? Calm down a little.” Said a purple earth pony with a grape and strawberry cutie mark. “There’s enough booze to go around!”
Cabinet turned back and saw that the contents of the cupboard had been arranged onto the table. He walked over to it and surveyed his choices.
“Hey there, name’s Berry Punch.” The purple one continued. “What’s yours?
“Shdmw cbnmt” Cabinet attempted to mumble out past the bottle in his teeth. Sighing, he set it down and tried again. “Sorry. My name is Shadow Cabinet. And what brings you to this delightful gathering, Miss Punch?”
“Look, just call me Berry, okay? No need for all that at a Pinkie Pie party.”
“A what?” asked Cabinet.
“Oh, so you must be the new guy! Well, basically, any time there’s a new pony in town Pinkie Pie throws a party for them to welcome them to Ponyville.”
“But I’m only going to be here for a week or two!”
“That doesn’t matter to Pinkie Pie. As long as you’re here, you’re here. Might as well try to enjoy yourself.”
“Well, I suppose it couldn’t hurt too much to relax a little.” Cabinet groaned, reaching for the bottle again.
“Wait, you’re not planning on getting hammered on that weak stuff, are you?” Berry asked.
“Actually, I wasn’t planning on getting too drunk at all”
Cabinet said.
Berry shook her head at him. “Look, this is where it’s at.”
She pushed a large black bottle to the front of the table in front of him, and poured him a shot. 
“What is that?” Cabinet asked cautiously.
“No Idea, but it bucks you up good!” She exclaimed.
“Wait, if you don’t know what it is then should I really be drinking it?” He said cautiously.
“Pfft, spoilsport.” Replied Berry, downing the shot she had poured him. “C’mon man, you need to loosen up a bit.” She added, bumping him with her hip.
“Fine then.” Said Cabinet “But if I’m doing this, I’m doing it my way.” He scanned the table, and picked up the decanter of brandy. “The classy way.”
		
About half an hour later, Cabinet found himself back on the sofa in the main room, chatting with Berry Punch. He was regaling her with tales of back home in Trottingham.
“So anyway, everypony thought the opera house was haunted by a phantom the entire time.” He concluded. “Turned out just to be an old donkey.”
“Wait, so…” Berry began as she tried to gather her drunken wits enough to form coherent thought. She had finished the entire bottle of unspecified alcoholic substances, (or as she had begun to refer to it, The Bucker-upper, “because it bucks you up”) and was now drinking Cabinet’s brandy, which strangely he didn’t seem to be minding. Normally he wouldn’t share a drink with anypony.
“So…” Continued Berry Punch as continued to try to gather her wits. By this point she was so smashed that she couldn’t stand without leaning on somepony for support. Currently she was sprawled on the edge of the sofa and on the verge of passing out.
“So this old donkey” She said, finally managing to gather her wits for a few seconds “Managed to fool everypony into thinking he was a ghost? And you all believed it?”
“Uh, well, yes.” Cabinet replied, nervously
“Then you guys must be… kinda…dumb…” She said before losing her grip on consciousness and finally blacking out completely.
Positive, seeing her, chuckled and lifted her onto the sofa.
“Enjoying yourself at last I see.” He commented to Cabinet, who had relaxed visibly. “It can’t be good for you to be all serious all the time, you need to loosen up every now and again.”
“Yes, well, I can’t exactly avoid it now can I? After all, I did wake up in the middle of a full blown party.” He said with a glare.
Positive just grinned at him. “And you’re very welcome.”
“No, I was being sarcastic.” He said sardonically. 
“Very, very welcome.” Positive repeated before sauntering off. He heard a knock, so he walked over to the door and held it open as Twilight walked in.
“Your majesty!” he gasped sarcastically, with an over exaggerated bow.
“Oh, knock it off, Charge.” She replied, with a stern look. “I was here to see your cousin, is he here?”
“Oh, I see how it is, eh?” He said, flashing a cheesy grin and wiggling his eyebrows “Important foreign official shows up, you immediately make a move. Eager for a grab at power, eh? Bet that’s not all you’ll be grabbing, eh?” He probably would have continued, but Twilight held his mouth shut with her magic.
“Shut. Up.” She said angrily. “I haven’t even been here a minute and already you’re driving me up the wall! I just wanted to tell Cabinet that I have informed Celestia he’s here on a vacation, and that she wanted to meet with him. Do you think you can handle the task of passing on this simple message, or are you too thick for even that?”
Cabinet cocked a mocking salute and mumbled out something that sounded vaguely like a confirmation past Twilight’s grip on his muzzle.
Twilight sighed. "Just make sure he's there." She said, and left.
Positive walked back into the main room to find his cousin. However, he couldn't find him, so he asked a passing party-goer where he was.
"Last I saw him, he was talking to this mare. Both drunk off their flanks. Hang on, he's over there now, looks like he's pulled." they replied, nodding toward the staircase.
Positive looked over and saw his cousin being led up the stairs by a lilac pegasus mare that he recognised as none other than Ponyville's resident nympho, Cloud Kicker.
Positive whistled.
"Get in there, Cabby." He said to himself, before returning his attention to the party at large. "Get in there."