//------------------------------// // Pt. 6.2 (Darkness Falls) // Story: An American Dude in Equestria // by Shadowmane //------------------------------// “Neigh! Whinny! Nicker!” — Sarah Jessica Parker The shadow dragon was still hunting for us on the ground floor and hadn't even bothered to look up on the higher levels. Not yet, anyway. So we were safe on the second balcony for the moment. “Tha' worm's lucky he di'n't gimme a chance to give 'im a good kick where it really hurts,” Applejack was saying as she rubbed at the lump that was swelling at the back of her skull. “That fucker could've broke my wing, piece of shit,” Rainbow Dash added as she straightened her feathers out. Fluttershy was still shaking from the encounter and nearly being roasted. “Please don't say those words, Rainbow. I don't like them.” “How can you be be thinking of that at a time like this?” “Be quiet or he'll hear us,” Twilight warned Rainbow sternly before turning to me. “What happened down there? Why didn't the sword work?” “You tell me,” I said bitterly as I sheathed the weapon in question. “I definitely hit that gem, but it just kept bouncing off.” “That don' make no sense,” Applejack cut in. “Di'n't Thunder say tha' Luna'd put a spell on the sword so's it could kill that thing?” “That's what he said,” Pinkie Pie confirmed. Even with a vengeful dragon sniffing around downstairs, she had a smile on her face and a spring in her step. I sighed in frustration and rubbed my eyelids, trying desperately to think. “The shield worked just fine, so Luna obviously knew what she was doing with the enchantments. You're right, AJ. This doesn't make any sense. Something's not right here.” I clenched my fist furiously. If the library's wall hadn't been made of solid stone, I would have tried to punch right through it. Being attacked by a dragon made entirely of darkness and having to retreat was straining my patience to the max. “Calm yourself,” Rarity said softly as she gently placed a dainty hoof on my shoulder. “Anger won't help us now.” I had to physically bite my tongue to prevent myself from snapping at her. The other ponies looked at each other uncertainly. Like I'd told them in the hospital, I never really show my ire until I'm about ready to rip somebody's head right off their shoulders. After a moment, I got myself back under control. I knew that she was just trying to help me get my head straight, and lashing out would just make things worse anyway. “You're right,” I sighed and put my hand on the hoof. Rarity smiled reassuringly. “Of course I am. We have to think about this logically and—” She was interrupted as Pinkie bit her tail and roughly dragged her over to the balcony's edge. “Hold out your hooves,” the pink pony demanded, her face suddenly deadly serious. Rarity obeyed and stuck her hooves out in the air over the railing, asking a million questions with a look. “Perfect,” Pinkie said. “Now just stay there for a minute.” She took a few steps back and looked at the underside of the balcony right above us. She thought for a moment, stuck the edge of her tongue out of the corner of her mouth, moved to the left a couple of inches, and blasted off with an impossibly high jump. Her face hit the stone hard with a dull thud. Twilight rolled her eyes in exasperation. “Pinkie, we don't have time—” A soft cry of surprise from Rarity cut her off. The white unicorn had nearly fallen over the side, but she managed to pull herself upright again. A large red book was clasped in her hooves. “Is that...?” Rainbow was at a loss for words. “Beasts of Darkness!” Twilight muttered, casting a quick glance at the bottom floor to make sure that the shadow dragon hadn't seen or heard anything before levitating the tome out of Rarity's grip. “And it looks like it has all the pages! Maybe this will help us figure out what to do.” “Jus' how in tarnation didja do that?” Applejack asked Pinkie as Twilight ripped the book open. Pinkie sat on the floor and crossed her hooves in irritation. “Well, while you were all worrying about why the sword didn't work, I was looking at these books here.” She pointed vaguely at the bookcase to our right. “If things like Bodacious Needlepoint Creations and Xtreme Basketweaving are here, that means that we're in the Arts and Crafts area, and that the Evil Supernatural Creatures section must be two levels up with Beasts of Darkness precariously balanced on the edge of the railing. All it needed to fall was a little—” “Okay okay, we get it,” Twilight said as she used her magic to turn to the proper page. “Here we are, the missing...” You could actually hear her eyelids snap away from each other. Her eyes traced over the same spot on the page, as if she couldn't believe what the words said. She tried unsuccessfully to speak a few times before forcing out a hoarse (no pun intended) “Are you...are you fucking kidding?” “Twilight...” “Sorry, Fluttershy, but this...you don't...oh, I'll just read it! It's that last sentence that was cut off in my copy. 'They usually have a prominently glowing gem that is used to distract from the actual source of their existence'!” A moment of silence passed as we let that sink in. “You mean this whole time I was hitting it in the wrong spot?” My subdued anger was coming right back. Rainbow Dash glared down at the dragon, who was currently knocking over random bookshelves and sniffing their contents. She looked even more furious than I felt. “So, Twilight, where do we stick the sword? Is it any of the places that I wanna shove it in him right now?” Twilight regained her composure and carefully looked at the page again. “'The object must be revealed with a large amount of light before it can be identified and struck.' And then there's a few accounts of how they've done that in the past. It looks like they usually had Princess Celestia or a small army around to do it.” “Light, huh?” Applejack put a hoof to her chin. “Well, the sun's down. Now what?” “These things, duh!” Pinkie tapped her necklace lightly. “Of course!” Twilight mumbled excitedly. “The Elements of Harmony gave off all kinds of light when we used them! That must be why the Princess sent them with us! All we have to do is...” She stopped talking again and desperately grabbed at the top of her head. Her tiara was gone. “Oh no!” she squealed and rushed to look over the balcony's edge. The rest of us also looked down, only to see the shadow dragon chewing on something golden and purple. The tiara had been knocked off when the dragon hit Twilight with his tail, and now he was having it for a snack. We all stared in dumbfounded silence for a moment while the beast continued to gnaw on the Element of Magic. Well, that's a kick in the balls, I thought resentfully. “So much fer that plan,” Applejack muttered in disappointment. “Guess we gotta think o' somethin' else.” “Perhaps these will work?” Rarity pointed to her horn hopefully. Twilight shook her head and stuck her nose back in the book. She was fuming but kept her voice even. “Just you and me won't cut it. Even if we called Sergeant Linden in to help us out, we wouldn't have nearly enough magical power. According to this, it takes at least twenty unicorns to make enough light. Next idea.” “Are there any more o' these thingamajigs around?” Applejack was pointing at the nearest electrical lamp, which gave off a feeble glow that dimmed and flickered occasionally. “He'll notice if we start hanging lights everywhere,” I pointed out. “That'll take forever, and it doesn't look like there's much power left, anyway. I guess we'll have to make our light the old-fashioned way.” The ponies all looked at me in confusion. “Fire,” I clarified. Twilight bit her lip and gazed longingly at the books that sat on the shelves. She sighed unhappily. She knew what had to be done. “Well, if we must...” She closed her eyes and her horn glowed. The entire bookcase burst into bright golden flames...which then disappeared and left the books completely unharmed. The purple unicorn frowned and tried again. The books burned for a moment and then were perfectly fine a second later. A third try yielded the same result. “Didn't Linden mention that they put a fireproofing spell on the entire city?” Rarity recalled. Rainbow Dash facehoofed with a groan. “Great. That's just perfect! Well, we're totally fucked now, aren't we?” Fluttershy gasped. “Rainbow!” “I know, I know, you don't like it, but—” “No, that's not what I mean!” Fluttershy's voice was much louder than usual, about at the same volume as a regular pony's voice. “Rainbow, you can do it. If you make a Sonic Rainboom, there will be plenty of light.” “What?” Rainbow was caught off guard. “A Rainboom in here? Are you insane?” “Actually, that might be just crazy enough to work,” Twilight was thinking. “You can't be serious. There's nowhere to pick up enough speed! I need a lot more room than we have in here.” “Then fly 'round outside,” Applejack put in. “We can knock down one o' these walls or windows fer ya. We can always rebuild 'em later.” Rainbow still wasn't convinced. “And what about after the Rainboom, when I'm going really fast? I don't wanna splatter all over the place!” “Then we'll have to take out two walls,” I said, also thinking. “One for you to fly in through and one for an exit. But we'll have to do it quickly and carefully so that he” I jerked my head downwards “doesn't have a chance to see and break out.” My mind was racing, but I didn't like where the thoughts were going. “This isn't gonna be fun,” I muttered to myself. “You have a plan?” Pinkie asked, her eyes wide and sparkling. I nodded and kicked myself back into leadership mode. “Rarity, Fluttershy, and Applejack, you get to work on the exit hole. Make it, say, on the fourth level right above the front door. The rest of you put the entrance wherever Rainbow wants it, then she'll head outside and get plenty of distance. As soon as you're ready, fly in and go supersonic right in the middle of the place.” “Where are you going to be?” Rarity asked. I scratched at my beard and reset my glasses on my nose. “Someone's gotta keep that dragon busy. Everypony clear on the plan?” There were nods. “Then let's do it.” Rarity came up to me again. “Before we do, I have something that I would like to tell you, Jesse. If I may—” Applejack cut her off with a tug on her mane. “No time fer fancy words. Save it fer afterwards, 'cause we got a wall ta knock down pronto.” Rarity glared daggers at the earth pony and attempted to put her hair back in place. “You know nothing about dramatic timing and revelations! But I suppose you are right.” I quickly made my way to the staircase and climbed up to the next level before they could say anything else. Rainbow Dash flew up after me. “You know that this is completely insane, don't you? Do you have any idea how many things can go wrong?” “You're preaching to the choir, Rainbow,” I said as I started up the next set of stairs. “Meaning...?” “Yes, I know. But this is the only chance we have.” “Do you really expect me to fly through two tiny holes at top speed and pull off the Rainboom inside the place? With an error margin that's probably less than a tenth of a fucking second?” Both her voice and her hooves were shaking. That was a lot of pressure. I paused in my climbing and turned to look straight into her pink eyes. “Look, Rainbow, I know that you can do this. Do you trust me?” For a few moments, Rainbow hovered in place and silently stared at the floor. One of her hooves brushed the red lightning bolt that hung from her neck. Then she sighed and nodded. “I'm not sure why, but yes. Somehow, I do.” I cracked a smile and continued moving. “Good. That makes one of us.” “Why are you going upstairs, anyway?” “You'll see when you pull off the Rainboom.” “You really think I can? I know, you just said you do, but I've only done it twice, and you saw how my last practice run went...” I was beginning to get frustrated with her self-doubt. “When you tried that time, you kept one leg up against your body. If you stick out all of 'em and point your hooves, it'll work. Just focus on your aim and timing. Now go tell Twilight where you want your hole.” Rainbow blinked in surprise at being dismissed so tersely, but she flew off without arguing and I climbed the rest of the stairs by myself in silence. I could faintly hear the dragon downstairs still bumping into stuff and tearing apart whatever books had managed to survive his presence for so long. The top level seemed to be filled with more adult-oriented material. Smutty romance novels and what appeared to be a ponified version of the Karma Sutra were scattered around. Most of the covers looked like they'd been inspired by the scribbles in the binder of a pre-teen schoolboy who had just discovered that girls had different things in their pants than he did. One small book caught my eye and I curiously picked it up off the shelf. It was a copy of That's Not All That Horns Are Good For, by some doctor pony named Gentry Dolhooves. Judging by the photo of the author on the back cover, his credentials probably weren't legit. The old blue stallion looked more like a trashy onion peddler than a bestselling writer. I shrugged and tossed the book aside. We had more important things to do than learn which holes to shove a horn into and if firing off a spell mid-thrust would increase the receiving pony's pleasure. I walked up to the edge of the balcony and peeked over the side. Nine stories is a long distance from the ground when you look down and there's nothing to stop you from falling but a short wooden railing. It seems even longer when there's a hostile shadow dragon down there and you know that he's trying to find you. Translation: It felt really fucking high. The beast was still meandering around the ruined ground floor, now pulling one of the long silk tapestries off the wall for some reason. The hanging showed a green pegasus filly dancing in giddy abandon, but as he gnawed on her leg it looked more like she was crying out in pain and trying desperately to fly away. “Naw, Rarity, ya gotta put some muscle inta yer kicks,” Applejack's voice suddenly rang out audibly. A crash of collapsing stone echoed from the general direction of the front door as a small hole appeared in the wall a few levels up. The shadow dragon turned its angular head and hissed loudly, its tapestry forgotten as it focused on the crunching sound. Here we go, I thought as I swallowed hard and cleared my throat. Time to get his attention. “Hey you down there!” I shouted. Two green slits glared up at me. “Yeah you, scrotumbreath! Yo mama's so fat, when she sits around the house, she sits around the house!” The dragon cocked his head, obviously confused. Does it even understand what I'm saying? “Yeah, she's so fat that you have to roll over twice just to get off her in the morning. But I'll bet anyone could tell you that.” The dragon let out a puff of smoke from his nose. It looked like he was starting to get annoyed. I was dimly aware that Applejack was running around the balconies to the other side to help with the other hole while Rarity and Fluttershy finished the exit by themselves. “Yo mama's so fat that whenever she steps on a weight scale it says 'To be continued.' She makes sumo wrestlers think that they suffer from anorexia. They say that fat chicks have more to love, but she could count as an entire harem all by herself!” The dragon was clearly angry now. It spread two long, black wings and launched itself into the air. Shit, too early! I pulled off my shield and threw it without thinking. Wham! The dragon crashed to the ground with a roar of pain after the shield stuck its wing. His impact threw scores of loose books into the air and the silver shield flew right back to me. Forget Captain Jesse, now I'm Captain Fucking America! Wait, that sounds weird. I'm Fucking Captain America? No, that's way worse. The shadow dragon shook himself off with a snarl and flapped his damaged wing experimentally. It was bent at an odd angle. “How'd you like that, bitch?” I spread my arms in a cocky mocking gesture. I was suddenly much more sure of myself now that I'd actually hurt him. “You wanna piece of me? Come get some!” “Don't overdo it!” Twilight called from somewhere to my right as Applejack bucked at the second hole with a crunch of breaking stone. “Rainbow's not in position yet!” The dragon snarled again and folded his wings back as well as he could. Then he sunk his claws into a support column that lead directly to my balcony and began to climb. The pillar cracked and shuddered from the weight, but it held. Claw by claw he slowly made his way upward. I began hurling more insults as soon as they formed in my head. “Yo mama's so fat, she deep-fries her toothpaste. She's so fat that when you're on top of her your ears pop. I know that one from personal experience. Don't try to sugarcoat how fat she is, 'cause you'll just make her eat that too!” He was already about a third of the way up. I was starting to feel just a bit nervous as he came closer, but I kept yelling. “Yo mama's so fat, when she goes swimming in the ocean all the sailors say 'Land ho!' Then they pull up their ships and climb on top of her, so she gets covered in seamen! When she sits around the house, she—wait, I already used that one. Uh, your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!” Halfway up. He looked pissed. My newfound confidence was just about gone and my insults became steadily more nonsensical. “If you were an ice cream flavor, you'd be pralines and dick! Looks to me like the best part of you ran down your mama's crack and ended up a brown stain on the mattress! You're so useless that if we put you in the same room as nine lesbians and ten government workers, you'd be twenty folks who don't do dick!” Three quarters of the way up. He looked really pissed. “She's coming!” Pinkie Pie yelled. “Ten seconds!” I stopped my verbal barrage and backed away from the edge until my spine was against the wall. The glowing sword rasped against its scabbard as I unsheathed it again and tightened my grip on the handle. I could hear the dragon climbing even higher and the balcony shuddered violently as he made yet another claw-hold. Any last words? I asked myself as I got ready. Yeah. I really wish I had a better idea than this. I placed my foot against the base of the wall and took a deep breath. Then I pushed off, sprinted to the edge of the balcony, and leapt headfirst over the railing. Yes, you read that right. No, it wasn't one of my better plans. If you've seen an action movie within the past two or three decades, you can instantly recognize when shit's about to get real. Everything slows down and there's usually a helicopter somewhere to let you know just how much time passes as you watch the rotors slooooowly spin around. Then everything speeds back up when the helicopter explodes for no good reason. At this point, time was going slow. Really slow. The dragon was surprised to see me coming straight at him and didn't have time to react as I sloooowly smashed my shield right into his face and broke three of his front teeth right out of their sockets. The fangs fell out of his mouth without any sign of blood and twirled completely around about six times each as they fell down his throat before I lost sight of them. His roar of pain was looooong and drawn out at a lower pitch than it should have been. I'd bounced off of his head and reached out my shield arm until, after what seemed like a full minute, I hooked my elbow into the nook between his short neck and shoulder. I pulled myself into an upright position and clung to his back. I pulled the sword back slooooowly and stabbed the glooooowing blade into the dragon's spine. I knew that it wouldn't kill him, but I did it anyway. The point only sunk in a few inches before it was stopped by bone and I had to slooooowly pull it out again while he slooooowly but firmly shook himself in a futile attempt to throw me off. His tail whipped dangerously close to my head. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Rainbow Dash hurtling through the hole in the wall at a dangerously steep angle, just barely clearing the balcony's railing and sending a bunch of loose papers flying into the air. She was going fast, but everything else was still slooooow. She'd taken off her necklace at some point, probably to get rid of even that tiny bit of weight that would have slowed her down. The clear cone-shaped bubble of air in front of both her hooves looked unstable and electricity sparked along its edges. For a brief moment a look of utter horror went across Rainbow's face as she saw me stabbing the shadow dragon. It was painfully obvious that she was thinking that I'd completely lost my mind. Not that I blame her; what kind of moron deliberately throws himself off a ninth-story balcony to grapple with a monster like that? Besides me, obviously. Then she put me out of her mind. Her pink eyes narrowed in determination and she returned her focus to flying as she put on an final burst of speed, straining every fiber of her body to go just a little faster... Then time slowed down again. Even Rainbow slowed down. Everything went silent in that stretched-out instant as the air bubble suddenly sparked and fizzled and she punched right through it. As her hooves connected with the barrier, a supernova of color exploded outward and mercilessly blasted the shadows away. She pulled back and struggled into an upward angle, her mane flapping wildly as she flew straight through the exit hole and out of sight, a rainbow contrail hanging in her wake. At that point, the wave of light and brilliant colors washed over us and the concussive air burst shoved me into the dragon's dark back. Then, his back suddenly wasn't so dark. The blinding light punched right through the shadow dragon's scales and flesh until there was nothing visible but a few faint outlines where his skeleton should have been. I could still feel his shoulder under my arm, but I couldn't see anything other than a bunch of transparent dragon bones hanging in midair in a vaguely dragon-shaped pattern. There was a massive crack in one of his larger wing bones. A spot of darkness drew my attention as I slooooowly struggled to pull myself out of my enemy's now-invisible back. It was a single scale near the base of his tail that seemed to absorb the light instead of letting it pass through. A tiny patch of darkness on a dragon made entirely of darkness. I have you now. I slooooowly let go of the dragon and slooooowly let myself fall downwards towards the black speck. I could feel him slooooowly trying to turn around to find out where I was and what all of this light was coming from. I didn't plan to let him figure it out. Now, the speck was right below me. I slooooowly pulled the sword back one more time and slooooowly stabbed out with all of my strength. The tip was slooooowly approaching the scale and I was slooooowly shouting out a stolen one-liner. Then everything sped up. The dragon's bones faded away and became a bunch of thin shadowy tendrils that sunk into where the sword had hit. The black scale flashed white and turned into a bright red ruby that fell after me toward the ground with the emerald from the dragon's neck in hot pursuit. “YIPPIE KI-YAY, MOTHERFUCKER!” I was screaming in triumph at the top of my lungs. Yes! That cocksucker is finally dead! Then I turned my head back and realized that I was still four stories from the ground and falling fast. And Rainbow Dash wasn't around to catch me this time. Shit. I closed my eyes shut as the air whipped through my hair and beard and wondered what it would feel like to have my brain splatter all over the floor. And what the janitor pony who had to clean it up later would say. Probably something along the lines of “I don't get paid enough to put up with this bullshit,” most likely while puffing on a cigarette and wishing that his wife would just accept the fact that he had to have this job and work late hours so that he could support her and their foals until his painting career took off. Bits didn't grow on trees, dammit! My thoughts were interrupted as I fell onto something soft and rolled off. I opened my eyes in time to see that I had hit a floating tapestry that was glowing blue around the edges. Before I could even fully grasp what I was looking at, I hit another one. And another. Then another one. My speed had been reduced to almost nothing. I missed the next tapestry. I was still about fifteen feet from the book-covered floor. I had time for only one more thought before I hit the ground: This is gonna hurt. * * * * * “FUCK!” “Hold him still, Pinkie!” Twilight's horn glowed as she tried again to reset my leg. She'd gotten her tiara back at some point, complete with bite marks in the metal. “That was extremely reckless, you know. You're lucky Rarity thought fast enough to save you.” “Yeah, I knoCUNTFLAPS!” I involuntarily kicked my leg out of Pinkie's grasp. It felt like my right shinbone was jamming my kneecap into my femur. “Just where did you learn such foul language?” Rarity's purple mane was a complete mess, but she either didn't notice or didn't care at the moment. For that matter, she didn't seem at all concerned with the dust that had turned her perfectly white coat a dirty gray and hid her cutie mark from view. I groaned and tried to ignore the pain. “Sorry, but on EarSON OF A BITCH!” The offending bone had tried to shove its way through my foot. Fluttershy winced at all the shouting but didn't say anything. Now that the danger was gone, the rush of adrenaline was dying down but not gone yet. My hands were shaking and my spine tingled. I also had a massive erection for some reason. The glow around Twilight's horn faded and she gave a tired sigh. There were dark circles under her eyes. “That's the best I can do. It's fixed, but it'll still be tender and painful for a few days.” I gingerly lifted myself to my feet. A sharp pain came from my right ankle and I quickly shifted my weight to the other leg. She wasn't kidding about the tenderness. “Thanks,” I muttered and took a few gentle steps. That didn't hurt too bad, so I kept moving. I felt the need to walk around and get rid of the extra energy. I struggled to limp around and scramble over the destroyed bookshelves. Luckily it wasn't far to where my sword and shield had fallen on top of the destruction. I noticed that the blade wasn't glowing anymore as I sheathed it and hung the shield onto my back once again. A couple of shining specks among the fallen books and shredded tapestries caught my eye. A closer look revealed that they were the emerald and the ruby that the dragon had dropped. They were much smaller than I'd thought, each only about the size of my thumb, and the sinister glowing was gone. Now they looked just like ordinary jewels. Something at the back of my mind told me that it would be unwise to leave them sitting there, so slid the gems into my pocket. Also, years of video games driving me to loot everything that's shiny and not nailed down may have had something to do with it. At that point, my leg had had enough. My knee buckled painfully and I had to grab onto a broken bookcase to keep from falling to the ground. My attempts to get my leg back under control only resulted in sharp stabs of pain and more swearing. “Ya need a crutch o' somethin', sugar cube?” Applejack asked with concern. “I have a better idea.” Before I realized what was happening, Rarity's disheveled head appeared between my legs and she lifted me up on her back without much effort. Either I'd lost weight or she was stronger than she looked. Or maybe it was magic. “I can manage just fine,” I said as I moved to dismount. Call me a stubborn prick, but I didn't want to make her carry me around. Rarity swung her head around to look at me. “Why so eager to get off? Don't you want to ride me?” Her quick wink proved that she had snuck an entirely different question in there. Christ, how am I gonna deal with this? Before I could form a response, the library's door crashed open and Rainbow Dash burst in with a few staggering steps. Her multicolored mane was tangled and knotted to absurdity and there was what looked like half of a small bush hanging from her tail. “Sorry I took so long to get back. I hit a tree and...” Her voice trailed off and she snorted in amusement as she noticed me still sitting on Rarity's back. “About time you got him on top of you, if you know what I mean.” Rarity rolled her eyes in annoyance, despite her own question from a few seconds before that amounted to pretty much the same thing. “You can be so crude at times, Rainbow Dash.” “That sounds like fun!” Pinkie shouted and grabbed the other pegasus, who hadn't said anything lately, around the neck. “Hey, Fluttershy! Let me get on top of you and we'll be crude like Dashie!” Twilight and Applejack both facehoofed at the same time. Rainbow's face turned bright red and her wings popped up into the air with an audible sproing. I'm a really bad influence, I belatedly realized. * * * * * Outside, the gloomy smoke had all but disappeared and the silver moon shone down on the damaged city. The stained glass windows (none of them had been broken by the Rainboom's shockwave because magic) once again depicted scenes of joy and life that cheerfully warmed the night. The menacing black shadows had all become soft and inviting. The rustling leaves were no longer whispering threats behind our backs. The stallions were all lined up and saluted once again as Rarity carried me out the door and the other ponies followed. They weren't quite unprofessional enough to point out that I was riding my friend, but they did look much more relaxed than they had when we had left them behind. The Royal Guard pegasi remained fairly stoic and composed, but the Reserve Forces were another story entirely. A couple of them exchanged brohoofs and shoved each other coltishly. Linden and Thunder both stepped forward, the former's rusty armor a far cry from the latter's shining golden breastplate and helm. Both looked very reassured by our return, though they tried not to show it. The ironclad unicorn spoke first. “On behalf of Fillydelphia, please accept my eternal gratitude for saving our city and defeating the monster. Most of it, anyway. Thanks to all of you, we can now reverse the evacuation orders and bring the resident ponies back again.” “Are we gonna get our own holiday for this?” Rainbow asked hopefully. “You should invite the Wonderbolts to have a flying show in our honor! And tell them—” Twilight stepped forward and cut her off. “What she means to say is that it was our pleasure to help and that you can always count on us in your times of need. Isn't that right?” She stared hard at the blue pegasus out of the corner of her eye. “Yeah, that too, I guess.” “Well, there will likely be some sort of celebration,” Linden said, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “I'm sure that the rest of our city's population will be more than happy to make a special occasion in remembrance of tonight's events.” “A party! I love parties!” Pinkie was bouncing up and down excitedly. Lieutenant Thunder cleared his throat and puffed out his chest. “You'll all be pleased to know that we have received an announcement from Princess Luna congratulating all of you for slaying the shadow dragon. She invites you to a celebration of her own to be held at noon tomorrow in the royal palace of Canterlot. Separate from the Autumn Festival, of course.” “Wait a second, ” I objected. “That thing's only been dead for about ten minutes. How did she know that we killed him? And how did she manage to send a message?” “It's a mystery!” called a voice from above. Everypony threw their heads back. Princess Luna's silvery blue and purple head was hanging over the edge of the library's roof . She waved happily down at us. Thunder coughed into his hoof. “That's how, Captain. Apparently she watched the whole thing through the windows.” Luna leapt from the roof and spread her wings, floating down until she was right next to us. She clopped her hooves together in joy. “That was so exciting! Absolutely amazing! I've already started working on a song to celebrate your victory here. I think I'll call it 'The Glorious Ballad of the Human Hero.' Sounds nice, don't you think?” I shifted uncomfortably on Rarity's back. “Uh...it wasn't me, really. It was all of us working together that brought brought the dragon down. If any one of these six wasn't here, that thing would still be sacking the place.” “Aw, give yerself a li'l credit,” Applejack drawled. “'Sides, what did Ah do ta help?” “We wouldn't have gotten the walls down fast enough without you,” I said and turned back to Luna. “Twilight knew when things were going downhill and figured out how to trap the dragon long enough for us to get away and come up with another strategy. Pinkie Pie found the book that let us know what we were doing wrong. Fluttershy reminded us that the Sonic Rainboom gives off a ton of light and Rainbow Dash made that happen. And Rarity saved my life after I jumped and forgot about how I was gonna land. Also, without your sword and—” Rarity gave a little hop to make me shut up. “Couldn't you just say 'thank you' and have a little pride in yourself for a while? You did just slay a shadow dragon, which is no small accomplishment. Besides, it would be a terribly rude gesture to refuse a gift from the Princess of the Moon herself.” Luna giggled girlishly. “Don't worry, I've been making songs for the others as well. Anyway, don't think too hard about it right now. I'm sure that you're all exhausted, so feel free to sleep on the ride to Canterlot.” She gestured with her horn at the golden chariot, which had somehow ended up nearby. While the pegasus guards hooked themselves into their harnesses, the mares and I got back to our seats in the cart. Everypony did look tired. Even the energetic Pinike Pie was yawning, despite the promise of a party. The Fillydelphia Reserve Force saluted one last time at us and Luna, their rusty iron armor glinting dully in the moonlight. I sat myself down between Twilight and Rarity. My leg was still sore, but that beat the hell out of being broken. Despite the dull pain, I fell asleep before the chariot even left the ground. The first dream that formed in my head looked suspiciously like a commercial... She can wade through fields of Poison Joke without fear of being affected. The plants know that they could never embarrass her. She doesn't have a cutie mark, because her special talent is everything. She can buck every apple off a tree with a few polite words. Or ones that aren't polite. She once found herself staring a cockatrice in the eyes. He is now part of a tasteful fountain in her yard. She was voted both the best magician and the best high-speed flier in the same year. And she doesn't have a horn or wings. She was invited to the Grand Galloping Gala, but still gatecrashed the party. Just because it's more fun that way. She is...The Most Interesting Mare in the World. “I don't always drink beer. But when I do...I prefer Dos Equines. Remain athirst, my comrades.”