As Discord put the finishing touches on the story, he yawned slightly to himself. Finally content with the work, he looked over all the little notes he had written for himself in the story, and deleted them.
With a lazy snap of his fingers, the computer disappeared to be replaced with a printing press. He let the press fall to the lead type print against the paper, making the story seem much more official when printed in this manner.
After the simple machine finished printing the story, it disappeared into the ether known as Who the hexagon knows where it is now, leaving behind a crisp copy of the story. Discord cackled with delight and snapped his fingers to send the copy out to Equestrian Printing's inbox. Then waited.
After thirty two seconds he got tired of waiting and decided to go to sleep instead.
The next day Discord awoke to the smell of purple, and the bright burning light of Celestia's sun poring through the hole in his ceiling, despite the fact he was three floors down from the roof. As he yawned he took a deep breath and started his day right.
A rather somber song began to play in the room, and Discord felt the lyrics rise up in his chest, he knew then what he must do next,
"25 centuries,
and my life is still,
Trying to get up that, great big hill of hope,
For a destination.
I realized quickly when I knew I should,
That the whole world's MADE UP OF this sisterhood of mare
FOR w-hatever that means."
Then the beat kicked up faster, and Discord started to bounce slightly to the tempo of the music, as the illusion of sparkles flying on a rainbow back ground appeared behind him,
"And so I cry sometimes when I'm lying in bed
Just to get it all out, what's in my head
And I-I, I am feeling (feeling feeling) a little peculiar!"
As Discord continued to sing, he left the room and continued the song,
"And so I wake in the morning and I step outside,
And I take A deep breath and I get real high!
And I scream from the top of my lungs,
What's goin' on?"
Discord continued to prance about as the shower of sparks on a rainbow back drop followed after him. Several of the castles staff watched in confusion, while others more used to his antics let him carry on without a second thought.
"And I say hey yay yay yay yay.... hey yay yay....
I said hey, what's goin' on?
And I say hey yay yay yay yay.... hey....yay yay
I said hey, what's goin' on?"
Suddenly two ponies came up behind Discord and began to sing with him.
"And he Tries!"
"Oh my Gob, do I try
I try all the time, in this institution"
"And he prays!"
"Oh by me, do I pray
I pray every single day"
"MYAHHH!"
"FOR A REVOLUTION! WHOOOOOOOO!"
"And I say hey yay yay yay yay.... hey yay yay....
I said hey, what's goin' on?"
That was when quite suddenly, Screwball appeared and landed next to Discord to sing with him in the background.
"And I say hey.... hey...."
"Don't cry out loud,"
"I said hey, what's goin' on"
"Just keep it inside,
Learn how to hide your feelings."
As the growing number of singers passed by a bakery, a lone baker inside continued to mix the batter to his cake, all the while he could hear the muffled music from outside. He continued to slowly mix with the whisk and could only think to himself, "It must be a Friday."
"And I say hey.... hey....
I said hey, what's goin' on?
And I say hey, YEAH YEAH YEAH!
I said hey! What's goin' on? YEAH!"
The song then slowed down, back into the more somber tone it had started out with,
"25 centuries, and my life is still,
Trying to get up that great big hill of hope."
"For a destination." He then gave a sad sniff as the song came to a close.
The group of ponies behind him applauded wildly as Discord took a bow, "Thank you thank you. Now, how many of you actually work for me?"
Out of the group of ponies, two raised a hoof into the air, "I know you do Screwball. Alright, lets get to work," and with a snap of his fingers he and the two ponies disappeared into the unknown, teleporting to the Ministry of Practical Chaos.
The Ministry of Practical Chaos was the latest jewel in the shining city of Canterlot. A prime piece of architecture that was shaped like an hexacosichoron. The confusing looking building was painted with a new type of paint that constantly shifted and changed color. It was never the same color to two different ponies. Some said that it was red, others blue. Once a gryphon pointed out that you could see the image of Sir Fluffy of the octagon table from ancient gryphon's lore on the side. Whatever it was, it was something that Discord was rather proud to call his own design at the end of the day.
"Alright," Discord said with a clap of his mismatched hands, as he did, Discord was suddenly wearing a business suit, with a bright red tie, "Where is the door today?" After asking the question, Screwball and the other pony, Random Thought both shrugged. Discord cackled with glee at this news, "Perfect then I'll simply throw myself, HERE!"
Discord then threw his body against the side of the building, and suddenly found himself inside the structure, "It's alright, I found the entrance!"
A moment later, the two ponies crossed the threshold into insanity. Screwball hung her beanie up on the nearby hat rack, only for it to waltz away with the side table as it ate someponies keys. "Alright, Screwball you know where you need to go. Random Thought, follow me we need to get a meeting put together with the higher level employees."
"Ah, sir! That is, Lord Discord, if I might make a suggestion," Random Thought started as he used his magic to bring a notepad out, "According to some of the staff, it would be a good idea to have the supply closet not move around so much, and perhaps to let the work tools just be ordinary. Productivity has slowed to a crawl since you gave most of our basic tools legs to run around with."
Discord waived a paw through the air, creating a set of little plastic chips, "Pass these out to employees, if they hold this chip on their person it will normalize items within five feet of them."
"Excelent sir, I'll have a go-fer get right on it, GO-FER!"
A gopher suddenly popped up from a burrow in the ground and started to chitter animatedly with Random Thought. He didn't understand anything he said, so he looked up at Discord for support. The draconequus simply shrugged leaving Random to give the orders, "Would you kindly pass one of these out to each employee?"
The gopher gave a quick sharp salute before running off with the box of chips, "Tell me again when Sparky is going to be done with those animal translation devices?"
Discord skated away ahead of Random Thought on the way to his office, "Around the time Fluttershy manages to truly explain the different dialects between creatures."
As Discord kept skating down the halls that looked like a surrealists painting come to life, Random followed in an attempt to fill Discord with more news, "We also have a letter from Equestria Science, the owner is asking us if we can succeed in creating that combustible lemon for them. And, the minister of war has just entered the lobby."
Discord paused as he opened his office door, and turned to face Random, "Write a letter to Cave telling him that he's bonkers if he thinks I'm going to hold his hoof on this one, and send the minister to my office. That will be all," With that out of the way, Discord slammed the door shut and sighed as he sat down behind his desk.
According to legend, superstition, and old proverbs, in the eye of chaos, is order. That out of chaos came order, and this is where it happened. Discord's office was very much the eye of the storm, in that despite the fact it was in the center of the building, he still had a window looking out over Canterlot's Royal District. While his desk was neat and organized, it still held traces of his personality, like a pack of crayons and coloring books sat next to the regular business pen and paper. His coffee mug had the letter Q stamped on the side, not sure why but he felt a fond connection with the letter. Behind him, there was a framed copy of his diploma from the University of Chaos.
Discord pulled open a drawer and found a pair of reading glasses and placed them on his face, and waited for the minister of war to enter.
As he waited, Discord drummed his fingers on the desk for a few moments before finally picking up the notepad, and writing down some ideas, "Perhaps I can use this for another story, but later.
The sound of galloping brought his attention up to the door, "Ah seems that Nickolas is here," as he spoke, the door flew open to reviel the gryphon riding a bucking chair into the room, "Nickolas, I see you already have a chair, please remain seated, would you like some coffee, tea, cake, light bulbs?"
The minister of war shook as the chair came to a halt, he then smoothed down his puffed up feathers in an attempt to look presentable, "No thank you, I just ate. So tell me, have you come up with anything you can offer the ministry of war?"
Discord then smiled as he raised a finger in the air, "Ah, yes my department spent a few days on this one," he turned to the file cabinets and rifled through the folders before finally pulling one out with glee, "In here, I have the ultimate tool to win any war. A device that deactivates any weapon on the battlefield by changing them into harmless lilies."
The gryphon raised an eyebrow at this as he leaned in closer, "Lilies?"
"Is there an echo in here? Yes, lilies, LILIES! You activate this device, and everything that can be used as a weapon of war, and is not living, is instantly turned into a lily."
The minister of war huffed, puffed, and sputtered like an idiot for a few moments before he could respond, "But how could we win a war if all of our weapons are flowers?!"
Discord paced around the room with his mismatched hands pressed against the back of his suit jacket, "You disarm your enemy, and they can not fight. Imagine, you are in a losing scenario, and suddenly every weapon is now a lily. No more armor, guns, bombs, arrows or swords. Just harmless flowers within five miles. You can stop the enemy before they even attack. The best way to win a war, is to not fight."
Nickolas frowned and narrowed his eyes at Discord, and leaned forward in the char, "You said that you could have your ministry create a way to win any war, and I come back to see you are making flowers?"
Discord adjusted his tie to make sure it was straight, then leaned forward and grabbed the Minister of War by the scruff of his neck, "You asked the spirit of Chaos for a weapon. You asked for a way to make sure we could win without casualties," He let go of the gryphon and brushed his mismatched hands off on his suit jacket, "If I have to draw it in crayon I will. Now get out."
At that, the chair that the minister of war was sitting in used its arms to grab the gryphon, much to his dismay, and galloped away taking him with it. Once the door slammed back shut, Discord sighed and loosened his tie slightly, "Idiot war mongering zealot. How dare him, the nerve of him," He stomped around the desk to the files and slid the idea in for later, "He knows nothing, and thinks of war as a game."
Suddenly a little Discord poofed over his right shoulder. It dressed in robes with a halo over his head, and a harp in his paws appeared, only with both wings feathered, "Just like you once thought that destroying lives with your chaos was fun?"
"My shoulder angel," Discord said with some shock.
"Don't keep listening to that pansy," Another Discord appeared, this time on his left shoulder and dressed in red tights, and both wings were bat like, "He's trying to take you down that lame path of righteousness, don't you remember me? I take you down the path that rocks!"
Discord looked at the both of them, and shrugged, "Look, I've listened to you way too much lil evil me, and I spent milenia trapped in stone, you on the other hand, too lame. Suggestions on the minister of war?"
"TURN HIM INTO A POT PIE!" The evil little Discord said.
"No, I'm with him, just turn him back later."
"Works for me! Just, I'll wait until he tries to make demands again."
"Lame,"
"Whateves."
With that the two poofed away into the nothingness.
Later that day, Discord was free to his own whims for an hour before he had to be at Day Court for the next few hours, and decided to finally take the time to walk through the Royal Canterlot Gardens. This normally meant for him, that he would look at the different statues, and laugh at how he got free, while they were still stuck despite his crimes more than likely being greater offences.
Today however was different, his suit now gone he was free to be his usual chaotic self, filling the buttercups with actual pads of butter, or making a rain of tomato soup for some of the other wandering ponies. While some would run away, others didn't mind the small downpours and would gladly fill the first bowl, or thermos that was on hoof for a quick free meal.
But despite the jovial aperence, Discord was on a mission. Searching for a certain statue he came across in the past, drew a mustache on, then ran away laughing. "He must be here somewhere, unless they moved or released him."
As Discord walked through the maze of statues, he finally spotted the one he was looking for. It was one of the more extravagant, yet ignored statues. It was a statue of a unicorn stallion, wearing a top hat, suit with a cravat, cape and glasses. The unicorn had a smug grin on his face as he was surrounded by a large pile of books. On the base of the statue was one simple word, Determination.
Discord looked the statue over, with a frown, then summoned a sheet of paper with his magic, and put on a pair of x-ray glasses, "Turned to stone for harassment on the Equestria Daily newspaper of Canterlot. Eight counted attempts at breaking and entering said building. Lastly, charged for being a public nucince, and flying a hot air balloon without a licence," Discord grinned as he made the paper disappear, "You'll do."