//------------------------------// // The Platoon // Story: Panzer Ponies // by ISKV //------------------------------// Malinovka Aufklärungspanzer Panther laughed like a maniac. Behind him, a very angry Tiger (P) fired shot after shot in anger, each one whizzing above his head or impacting the very location he had just been in. The middle field was covered in craters, each blackening the area around the blown-out hole. "VHAT! HAV! YOU! DONE! VIZ! TIGER?! All of the tanks were here, including the remainder of the German tech tree. They all stared at the two tanks chasing each other from the top of the hill. Panzer III raised an eyebrow in confusion while E-75 laughed til his engine started to smoke. The American tier six medium twins rolled down through the forest to try and calm her down before she was fined for teamkilling. "HE VISHED FOR ANOZZER' LIFE!" He returned fire, a thin spike of metal bouncing off of Tiger (P)'s thick frontal armor. "SO I GAVE IT TO HIM!" As she raged like a noob, Easy Eight came up alongside her and tried to reason with the enraged heavy tank. "Porsche! Will you please calm down?" her light and twittery voice a complete reversal of Panther Jr.'s rough and dry voice. "I know how you're feeling angry that you brother has disappeared, but getting revenge won't get him back!" "NEIN!" Porsche agreed, "BUT I VILL ENJOY IT!" Yelling the last word, she fired her last HE shell. Time slowed as the metal slug flew through the air, where the gods of RNG blessed the 8.8cm shell with unmatched luck. Panther Jr.'s engine exploded into flame as the one-in-a-million shot did it's full damage to the light tank. He tumbled, turret over tracks, where a few seconds later he ended up in the lake to the south, where he exploded on the spot. Porsche slowed to a halt, her twin engines rumbling sadly as she thought of her brother and rival. The remains of Panther Jr. could be seen just under the surface of the water as bubbles rose and popped. "Well..." The medium tank sighed, "I can see why you did it. But really Porsche! You can't kill whenever you want to!" "I... I know..." Porsche sadly sighed as Panther Jr. respawned in the base spawn. "And I apologize. I vill listen next time." she ended with a whisper. "Oh it's okay." Easy Eight assured her, putting on a smile for effect. The heavy tank returned the gesture, though they both knew the chances of Tiger returning intact were slim to none. But as the remaining tier seven heavies ganged up on Panther Jr. for taking away one of their kin, Porsche restarted her engines and slowly made her way up to the spawn circle, but not after the light tank had died two more times. "Stoppen!" she called. The shooting stopped immediately. Most of her brothers and sisters stared at her in anger, but anger soon turned into confusion as she trundled towards the range target. Porsche rolled up to the coughing and battered light tank. "Aufklärungspanzer Panther!" She took a deep breath. "How did you send my tvin away?" "Vhy do you vant to know?" Panther Jr. asked, though he and the others already knew the answer. "Porsche, don't do it!" Easy Eight called from behind her. "Because I vish to follow." *** Canterlot Palace Medical Wing "Rise and shine dearie!" Nurse Springfield cheerfully called as she flung the green curtains from their place, sending in a blinding ray of light straight into Tiger's eyes like an artillery shell before the 8.6 patch. He tossed and turned in his bed before throwing off the blankets. "Guh..." he groaned. "Mein turret ring-" "Neck, dear." Springfield corrected him. "Ja. Neck..." Tiger repeated the word under his breath to memorize it. "Neck..." He stretched out his limbs, waking up his sleepy muscles for yet another day of shooting, sniping, and making all of the noobs cry. He relaxed his transmission in preparation for starting the engine... til he remembered that he had no engine. Tiger sighed, this new body was vastly different than his old one, which required much less maintenance but was a lot more messy. He and the nurse both agreed to never mention the somewhat embarrassing crash course on the biological pony body. As the nurse went out to complete her usual duties with patients in the other rooms, Tiger experimentally slid out of bed and turned so that his rear stuck out. Then, lowering his rear hooves onto the tile floor, he pulled his front legs away from the bed. The stallion steadied himself, feeling his new tracks and how smooth moving with his old ones had been compared to hooves. Taking an experimental step forwards, he wobbled like a newborn, which would've been a better description had he been shorter than the guards that stood outside his door. They didn't know what to think. One half of their brains wanted to laugh at the massive stallion taking his first steps. The other half cautioned against laughing at the massive stallion that could probably crush their helmets like tinfoil around their bodies and cook them into hotdogs to sell to the griffons. The guard tried hard not to laugh at his partner's accusations, but failed to contain a few snickers. The trip from the bed to the door and back again took a whopping five minutes, not including the time he took when he stumbled and fell. Tiger was just getting up from his latest fall when Nurse Springfield returned with a food cart that only had a single tray of food remaining. "Breakfast!" she called out in a singsong voice. The nurse wheeled the cart into the room, leaving it beside the bed before helping him up from the floor. "Gah. I miss mien treads..." "Oh I know..." Springfield agreed, "I use to have a set of horseshoes that was absolutely perfect, but they wore out so fast because I had them on everywhere!" "Ja... Ja..." Tiger grunted as he climbed into bed. The nurse pulled out the tray with the standard meal for all patients and placed it in front of him. He eyed what looked like gelled gasoline with suspicion, but did not say anything. "Now, as a biological life-form, you're required to consume the correct amount of the correct substances or else your body will not be one hundred percent operational!" She said a little too cheerfully. Tiger raised an eyebrow at her. "As we discussed yesterday, food is vital and meal sized portions should be consumed two to three times every day based on preference and the amount of physical activity. Small snacks between meals are also allowed if you're feeling a bit peckish. Any questions?" "Ja. Ein, er, one." he replied. "Yes?" "How do I eat ze food?" *** Canterlot Palace Throne Room With weary eyes and worn-out quill, Princess Celestia filled out yet another sheet that would only contribute to the bureaucratic red tape. Many ponies had come and gone, some more memorable than others, most notably a foal who wished to give her a hug because "Momma said you needed one." That put her in a good mood. "Good afternoon sister." A somewhat sleepy Luna groaned as she entered. Celestia glanced at the clock on the wall. "Oh! It's already that late?" She began shuffling the remaining papers into neat piles. Her assistant, also just as tired, quickly sorted them into their designated files. "Quill Tip, have I forgotten anything?" "Ah..." the unicorn quickly scanned her papers. "Everything essential has been completed for today." "Anything else?" "The nobles want another tax cut, the farmers are requesting more rain, and the captain is asking why the hospital wing is more heavily guarded than your private quarters." "Sister, is this about the stallion we-" "I, Luna." Celestia corrected. "I, discovered yesterday?" "Yes." "Maybe I, shall pay him a visit..." Luna mused. Celestia frowned. "If you want to. But please, make sure he does not escape." "Escape?" the Lunar Princess asked, "What has he done?" "He admitted, without me even asking, to killing." The room went silent. "Who?" "It's... complicated." "Please, explain." And so, Princess Celestia began explaining, to the best of her abilities, the story of the pony who was once a tank in an internet game who ended up in her world. The room stayed silent. "We... I... shall speak with him." *** Nurse Springfield was finally on break. Though she was labeled as a 'loner' or 'the quiet one' she was perfectly capable of socialization. But everyone needed breaks, and she was no different. Usually she would eat her lunch under a tree and continue reading a book. But today... "Hello Tiger!" she cheerfully called as she trotted inside his room with her lunch and a book in her saddlebags. "Gutteg nug," he mumbled with his mouth full with his own food. Springfield giggled, "I hope you don't mind me while I eat my own lunch. Usually I'm outside, but..." She stopped for air. "I thought maybe you would need someone to talk to." The nurse said, remembering her early childhood. The tank-turned-pony chewed while he reminisced about his own past. Though he was a sniper, it was very rare that he found himself sitting in a location alone. "Nein. I can go vithout company for qvite some time. Though ze thought of doing so is maddening." And somewhat frightening, considering that all tanks have a vulnerable rear flank. "Well," she admitted as the nurse sat down, "if that's your thing." She pulled off her hat an placed it on the bedside table, making the break official. Hats are serious business. The brown paper bag rustled as Springfield pulled out a greasy sandwich that all of her friends claimed would destroy her youthful and shapely figure. Not that she cared. Stuffing the bread and melted cheese creation in her mouth, the nurse pulled out her book from the other side of her bags. Tiger, who was eying a drop of cheese about to fall, had his attention immediately drawn to the cover. "Vhat book is zat?" he asked. "Huurg?" Springfield looked up, not able to answer. She placed the book on the table beside the bed and took a large bite of her lunch, gooey strings of cheese running from her mouth to the rest of her sandwich. "Starship... Troopers..." He mumbled while looking at the stallion on the cover who was completely covering in thick blue armor except for his helmet, which was being lowered onto his head. The nurse quickly chewed. "It's about..." she swallowed. "Basically it's about a war with an alien bug race. I haven't gotten too far in." She gulped down the rest of her mouthful. "I just found it in the bookstore. It isn't what I would usually read. Usually it's Fetlock Holmes, or the Lord of Joke series, but I have to admit this new 'Sci-Fi' thing is very interesting!" If you listened very carefully, you could hear a hundred and one jocks all yelling, "Neeeeeeeeeerd!" But for the sake of friendliness, Tiger listened as the Springfield went on and on. *** Cliff "Is zis' it?" Porsche said is disappointment as she looked on the small group of tanks that had volunteered to come on her quest to find her brother. "Well, z'ere v'ere quite a few more-" "But they realized zat Tiger is a mediocre machine zat people will free-xp past!" The ever-annoying Can't-be-arsed-to-spell-his-first-name Panther interrupted. Hotchkiss rolled her eyes in amusement. It took a lot of effort to truly anger the light tank. He was still shot in the ass for that. "Vell then!" Porsche said in an upbeat voice, "One last roll-call! Who iz coming?" "Oui." Hotchkiss and her twin sister, Pz.Kpfw. 38H 735 (f) said in unison. "Hoorah! We're going in' head first like Normandy!" M22 Locust yelled with unnecessary vigor. He revved his engine for extra kicks. "Oh will you please shut it about Normandy!" A quick, snappy voice whipped his own speech. "I swear, there are so many movies and video games about that one event that it seems that that is the only thing worth remembering!" "Aw Val!" Locust quickly drove next to the British Infantry tank, cuddling up to her as if he was comforting her, when in fact it was the exact opposite. "Hush, hush. The bad Nazis can't hurt you anymore." For added measure, he playfully glared at Porsche, who only glared back. Valentine looked ready to explode, at this the other tanks slowly backed off, knowing her signature temper. The heavy tank rolled her eyes. Though they had been allies, sometimes the Americans and the British had a rivalry that rivaled the rivalry between the Axis and the Allies. Although the rivalry between the Soviets and the Americans was even more serious business that actually lasted until decades later. Porsche stopped there. There were too many rivalries, sometimes between tanks of the same country- She quickly stopped thinking about rivalries. ...Gottverdammt. "Am... am I late?" A quiet voice called from one of the bushes. Said bush was flattened by a short, grey tank with her signature stout turret. Porsche sighed. "Nein, Frau Somua. Zey are just," she glanced at the two, "talking." she said, teeth clenched. "Ah. Bon." Pz.Kpfw. S35 739 whispered as she trundled next to her much larger friend. This went on for quite a while. Valentine screamed, as Locust only snickered, which only made the British tank even more furious. She tried chasing him, but unfortunately for her, he was very good at his job. Locust's treads left marks on the dirt around Valentine as she seriously considered just killing him while he was in range. But eventually, Panther Jr. returned. "May I hav' your attention please!" Silence. "'Zank you. Nowh, for ze spell to be executed successfully, I vill need to do ze following..." In a calm, and clear voice, Panther Jr. started explaining what he was going to do. Just kidding. He started shooting. The first shot went head-first into Locust, killing all of his crew, destroying three of his modules, and set his engine on fire just to kick him a little bit more. "Gah!" Porsche grunted in pain as her most of her crew and modules was blown to pieces. Almost all of her HP was also eaten away be the direct hit. She limped towards cover and peeked behind. Far, far away, S-51 took aim and fired. She smirked, knowing that Panther Jr. was the one paying for all of the ammunition. She fired again. Close, close enough to smell, Porsche started panicking as her tracks were blown off a second time. As she watched the timer slowly count down til her only means of propulsion was fixed, the heavy tank revved her engine, ready to move the second she could. The French twins screamed as a storm of lead peppered them from the side. "Muehehehehehehe!" A grey blur shot past, the only indicator he was ever there were the tracks he ripped into the dirt. They backed up against each other, one grey tank and the other cyan-green, both too frightened to scream. Another burst of bullets killed both crew members of both tanks. Stranded and now not able to retaliate, Panzer I C slowed down to take more accurate shots. "Yes, yes, stay still for me!" He took aim at the silently pleading tanks, and fired. "Non." Somua whispered firmly, bringing herself in front of Hotchkiss and 735, her armor just barely thick enough to bounce the storm of lead. She winced, a few had gotten lucky. "That will not be necessary." Valentine also moved forward in front the twins. They stood fast, protecting their smaller sisters from the hyperactive light tank. Porsche silently cheered. With her tracks back up, she accelerated to the best of her ability. Another shot rocked her hull, but did nothing. She forced every last bit of power from her engine. But as she reached the final stretch before the town, S-51 fired a shell. It exploded. Dirt and small rocks covered the heavy tank, temporarily blinding her. But at full speed, a single second of a lapse in attention was just enough. Porsche screamed as she plummeted into the sea. Armor scratched and tracks blown off, Somua stood firm against Panzer I C's onslaught. She tried firing back, but he was simply too agile for her gun. The French Medium tank did not smirk in victory, nor did she lose hope, only showing a frown of determination. Hotchkiss and her twin looked hopeful. With a little luck, they would be able to find a First-Aid kit and at least limp out of the map. But their hopes were dashed with a cry of pain. Valentine gasped at the large hole in her partner's side and smoking engine. Far off into the distance, she could make out the silhouette of the forgotten Panther Jr. The British tank sighed and closed her eyes. A whistle. And a flash was the last she saw.