//------------------------------// // Tour of Ponyville // Story: Wake up. See This. What do? (Comment driven story) // by RazortheAwesome //------------------------------// Well, isn't it obvious? TO THE SHOWER! *later* So, now what? You now have the information you wanted, you could get home... But do you really want to now? Step one: shower First things first take that mutha fucking shower and during said shower you get visited by none other than... THE OLD SPICE GUY! Image: http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/.a/6a00d8341c630a53ef012877b43d87970c-pi He then hands you a bottle of Old Spice body wash and tells you to "Wash up like a man, man!" He then proceeds to ride off into the horizon on his white steed in a manly... manner... way... thing... Take a shower, then sing Savior *LIKE A BOSS* while strolling through the entire town. Take a shower with Apple Spice: +10 to Manly Musk +3 to Charisma -1 to Badassedness (no more layer of grime) Recount your attributes before continuing. Now make an awareness check. If successful, you feel that something is wrong with the Equestrian politics, before shaking the feeling off. If failed, you get a cold shiver up your spine. GO TO DERPY'S HOUSE AND MEET DOCTOR WHOOVES! Either that or pass a blue police box on your way somewhere else. Step 1.) Shower, make use of shampoo as body-wash if needed, otherwise, go for the manliest scent they have. ...failing that, normal scented shampoo, likely apple or similar. no he needs apple spice Jason take a shower. While you shower, you think about what's going to happen when you meet with Twilight. You eventually come to the conclusion that, no matter how bad your time here has been, it still could be worse. You could be stuck in an underground laboratory being forced to complete reality-bending and very deadly physics puzzles at the whims of a homicidal computer AI, or trapped in an alternate dimension filled with H.P. Lovecraft references, or battling alien invaders with nothing but a crowbar, or being trapped in a small building whilst fending off horde after horde of Nazi zombies. Unless of course you have misplaced your towel. Then you're totally screwed. 1: Go take a shower. Without wasting anymore time at all, you head straight for the shower. Bon Bon really was right. You kind of do smell bad, and by bad, you mean you smell mostly of booze, sweat, and oddly enough, cupcakes. Yeah, you really smelled like cupcakes. You're not even sure how that happened. Now you're just wondering how the hell Spike didn't manage to smell on this on you when he came over. You know that the ponies have better a better sense of smell than you do with your small nose, so he must have been able to smell it too. You're pretty sure dragons have a better sense of smell than humans as well. Unless of course, he was just being polite, which given his personality seems incredibly likely. All that aside, you jump right in the shower and turn the knob. Cold water blasts you for a moment, but then quickly turns hot. You stand there for a moment and let the water run over you, a relaxing sensation. As you do that, you look down and notice a new bottle of soap that wasn't there before. Its red, and kind of has a familiar logo on it. Curious, you pick it up and look at it. The label reads "Apple Spice" and is followed with a picture of a green apple cut in half along with the words "The stallion your brony could smell like" underneath it. Apparently, this is soap for Stallions. Lyra or Bon Bon must have picked it up for you yesterday while you were working. You have to make a note to thank them later. Yeah, its horse soap, but given where you are you can't really afford to complain. Anyway, you start washing yourself with Apple Spice and quickly notice the scent of freshly picked apples all over you. Its a nice smell. Anyway, as you take a shower, you start thinking to yourself about what kind of predicament you just got yourself into. Yeah, you're on an unknown world, possibly in another dimension, and you just agreed to talk to the insane pony who tried to rape you, but hey, it could be worse. You could be stuck in an underground laboratory being forced to complete reality-bending and very deadly physics puzzles at the whims of a homicidal computer AI, or trapped in an alternate dimension filled with H.P. Lovecraft references, or battling alien invaders with nothing but a crowbar, or being trapped in a small building whilst fending off horde after horde of Nazi zombies. Yeah, it could be A LOT worse. Also, your mind goes back to that picture of that politician you saw in the paper earlier. Risen Flag if you can remember correctly. You're not sure why, but something really bugs you about him, like something is very wrong in politics right now. But hey, at least you aren't in a dimension filled with H.P. Lovecraft references, right? Right... You decide not to let it bother you and start singing Savior to yourself as you take the rest of your shower. Step 2.) Get dressed in garments Rarity made you, with luck you'll have a day where they will not be destroyed. Plus, they are your only clean duds right now. About ten minutes later, you get out of the shower only to see Lyra and Bon Bon standing there in their room waiting for you. "Oh, hey..." Bon Bon says to you as she giggles a little bit. ...Why is Bon Bon blushing at the sight of my naked form? You then notice her blush a little bit. Why she is blushing at the sight of your naked form you have no idea. "So, are you... done?" she asks you, as if the answer wasn't obvious enough. "Yeah," you reply. "Great!" Lyra says as she walks up and places a hoof around Bon Bon's neck. "Come on, Bonnie." She says as she ushers her into the shower. "Wait a sec?" you say as you watch this happen. "Are you both getting in?" "Yep," Lyra just replies as she gives you a wink. Seeing the hint, you walk out the room and leave them be. You can hazard at least two guesses as to where this may be going. In practically no time at all, you're back in the clothes that Rarity made for you. You've decided to put your work clothes back on, since your other ones are in the laundry and these are surprisingly clean. They also smell like apples for some reason. Roughly twenty five minutes later, Lyra and Bon Bon comes out of the shower and back into the living room where you've been waiting for them patiently. "Hey Jason," Lyra says to you as she enters the room sporting a smile on her face thats as bright as the sun. "Sup," you reply. You decide not to say anything about their obvious shower romp. That would just be impolite. "You look nice," Bon Bon says to you, smiling as usual. "Thanks," you reply to her, not knowing what else to say. "So," Lyra says as she rubs her hooves together. "Shall we get going?" she asks. You just nod and walk with her towards the door as she opens it for you. Its time for you to get properly introduced to this town with the most unsubtle name you've ever seen. Step two: explore Ponyville with Lyra and Bon Bon Stay on your guard at ALL TIMES, DO YOU HEAR ME!? REMAIN ON-GUARD! You don't know how much crazy sh*t might happen within the next 12 hours, so be ready for anything. Seriously, if that Twilight chick snaps, you need to react quickly. Of course, you fully intend to stay on your guard at all times. You've still got your knife with you, though you're more than certain right now that you won't need it at all. You more or less just put it on now as habit, since its attached to your belt. Oh well, as long as you don't pull it out you should be fine. How about a montage, complete with Yankety Sax music. You feel as if a montage is somehow necessary right now. Unfortunately, since this is a written work of prose as opposed to an actual episode of the show, montages will be rather difficult. Instead what will follow are just some short snippets of what happens around the town. 3: Meet and greet ponies you've seen on the street, ask names, recognize the ones you've seen before. Twilight's in no condition to send you home right now, and you might be here a while. Plus, they seem like good folk... when they're not in heat. As the three of you walk through town, you meet several ponies on the streets as you walk around. Many of whom you've seen and remember from the party at Pinkie Pie's place last night. They're all really polite and say hi to you as you walk by. Really, when these ponies aren't insane or driven by a strange heat spell, they seem all right. They're all really nice. If only your own hometown was like this. Get Lyra or Bon Bon to show you around Ponyville's market. Buy a pocket-book and some colored pencils, and start making dossiers of the ponies that you know. You're no artist, but you can take down a pony's name and info, color scheme, profile with mane-style (kinda), and their assmark. You never know who you can trust, so you'd better keep tabs on all these ponies. Plus, keeping a journal or other documentation of your time in Ponyland will make it that much easier when you go sell your story to Hollywood (or Cellywood if you don't make it home) for millions of dollars/bits. Show your friend around, starting with Applejack's stand. Likely having a pleasant encounter with the mare, and inform her of plans for later on that night. Applejack will thus become contingency plan should things go bad. The first place that they take you too ends up being the market street. You vaguely remember this place when you had that unfortunately first encounter with Applejack and wrecked her stand. Yeah, not a very pleasant moment. Still, you've made amends since then, so all is good. While you're there, you notice a pony selling what looks like a pocket book as well as a set of pencils to go with it. You're not sure why, but you feel like it would be useful somewhere down the line if you want to sell this story to Hollywood when you get back.... Not that you think they will take it of course, cause really this story is f***ed up enough as it is, but still, its worth a shot. You go to pay for it, only to realize you don't have any bits... You don't get paid working at Applejack's farm after all. Luckily for you, Lyra springs you the three bits to pay for it and you're on your way. You put the book in your back pocket for when you need it. After that, you look around the market street some more. "Why howdy, Jason," a familiar voice calls out to you. You look over to see Applejack running her newly reconstructed Apple stand waving at you. You have no idea when she found the time to repair her stand, but you figure it must have been sometime when you were working for her. After all, not all of her day was spent harvesting apples. "Hey, Applejack," you reply as you walk over to her. Lyra and Bon Bon follow. "What are ya'll doin out here today?" she asks you. "We're showing him around Ponyville," Lyra says to her. "Since you know, his only real time spent here has been running for his life." She finishes that with a bit of a chuckle. You want to say something, but you know that what she said is essentially true. "Why that's mighty kind of ya," Applejack replies to her. "Wow, those are some delicious looking Apples you got today," Bon Bon says she looks over a few. "How much for a dozen?" "For you Bon Bon, four bits," Applejack replies. Bon Bon then forks over the necessary four bits and drops a dozen apples in her saddlebags, which she grabbed before you all left. "Hey, Applejack," you say to her. "Yeah, Jason?" "Just so you know, Spike came over earlier today, and well, he asked me to-" "I know," Applejack says before you can finish. "He was here earlier. He told me everything." You try to wrap your head around that for a moment. Surely he spoke to you no more than forty five minutes ago, so how did he get to her so fast? Did he go straight here after your talk with him? "Don't worry, Ah'll be there," Applejack then says. "Ah won't let anythin happen to yah. You can count on me." She says with a wink. Well, you suppose its a good thing that Spike managed to tell her as quickly as he did. You now have Applejack as your contingency plan. After that, you say your goodbyes and get on to checking out the rest of the town. You've got a lot to see after all. Step 4.) Visit Rarity's shop, where possible order for more human cloths is placed, just casual stuff, like T-shit and pants. Also, more thanking for the cloths already given and possible hint-drop from mares that she should check out Spike. Odds of said hint working in Spike's favor, less than 1% but worth trying anyway. You then stop by Rarity's shop, since its nearby. You stop in to say hi to her. Of course she is delighted to see you as she always is. She also tells you that Spike talked to her as well, and she's going to back you up too. She also mentions how Spike spoke to all of Twilight's friends. Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, they're all gonna be there too. How he managed to speak to them all is beyond you, but hey, at least they are all there for you. While you are there, you drop a hint for Rarity to check out Spike before you leave. Yeah, you know it has less than a 1% chance of working given his age, but hey, at least it was a shot. Meet Vinyl Scratch and her fillyfriend Octavia "Hey what's up Jason!" You hear another voice say as you walk back through the town proper. The three of you turn to see the DJ Pony walk up to you with a grey earth pony wearing a pink bow tie right next to her. "Oh, hey, umm..." you say to her, but for the life of you you cannot remember her name. You don't think she ever told you. "Vinyl." She says to you as she holds out a hoof. "Vinyl Scratch." You then shake her hoof. "That was some crazy party last night huh?" she asks you. "Yeah, yeah it was," you reply back to her. "So this is the human you were telling me about, Vinyl?" the grey pony says as she steps closer to get a good look at you. "Yep," Vinyl say as she walks up next to her and puts a hoof around her neck, which causes the grey pony some discomfort. "Jason, meet my fillyfriend, and lovely lesbian lover, Octavia." "VINYL!!!" Octavia screams at has she pulls a way, a blush as red as the apples on her face. Both Vinyl and Lyra laugh a bit to themselves at that. Bon Bon seems to be more on Octavia's side as she just glares at Lyra. introduce some of these ponies [Vinyl Scratch] REAL music If you had any music with which to introduce her too, you would, but alas, you're in a different world with nothing you own so you don't. Still, you do talk to her and Octavia for a few moments. They both seem really nice, and Octavia seems like a really cool person... pony. The swimming hole maybe? He's already been to most of the places in Ponyville we normal see. Afterwards, Lyra and Bon Bon take you to the local swimming hole, which is just a large lake right outside of Sweet Apple Acres. Its a nice, clear lake, and if you could you would probably jump in. Since you have more of the town to see though, you decide against it. Somewhere, somehow, meet Time Turner and Derpy again. Where? I don't know, wherever these other comments say to go! Suddenly, out of nowhere, as you walk back into town you see a grey pegasus crash down from the sky. You rush over to help it up, revealing it to be none other than Derpy Hooves, a satchel of mail around her neck again. "Thank you Jason," Derpy says to you in that adorable voice she has. "No problem," you say to her. "You okay, Derpy?" Bon Bon asks her as she brushes off her wings. "Yeah, yeah I'm fine," Derpy says to them as she adjusts her eyes, which are still looking in two directions. "OH!" she suddenly explains. "Before I forget." She then digs into her mail satchel, and by dig, you mean she buries her whole head in it and pulls out a pair of letters. "Here you go," you think you can hear her says with a mouthful of letters as she hands them to Lyra and Bon Bon. "Thank you Derpy," Bon Bon says to her as she takes the letters and puts them in her saddlebag. "Well, I better get going," Derpy says. Suddenly, out of nowhere, she flies right up so that she's eye level with you and hugs you. Really hard. Like a real squeeze hug. "It was nice meeting you Jason. Bye!" she says before she flies off. "Well, that was a weird encounter," Lyra says as she watches Derpy fly off. "Yeah, yeah it was," you say. You're starting to wonder where Time Turner is now, for some reason. Lyra and Bon Bon take you to a strip club The local changeling-run brothel, it'll be good to see Chrysalis. I love winning contests. "You should go to the local changeling-run brothel," you suddenly hear a bubblegummy voice say out of nowhere. You then turn to your left to see the floating head of Ghost Pinkie Pie there. "I'm just kidding," she says as she giggles in the way she does. "Ponyville doesn't have a changeling-run brothel. -Meanwhile, in a parallel universe where Ponyville DOES have a changeling-run brothel- "Why did you bring me here?" you ask Lyra and Bon Bon as the three of you stand in the doorway of the local changeling-run brothel. You honestly did not expect to meet anything even remotely resembling a changeling here, and now you're in a place where all of them are trying to be sexy. "I don't know," Lyra replies as she looks on ahead before she turns her attention back at you, smiling. "Seemed like fun." -Meanwhile, in this story's universe- Shortly after your encounter with Derpy, the three of you run into a clock shop of some kind. The three of you walk in to see Time Turner working there. You say hi to him and check out what he has. it might be time to channel your inner Larry Underwood go get a classy wristwatch Strangely enough, you feel compelled to get a classy wristwatch. Unfortunately enough, all the watches he has here and kind of expensive. Plus, they are made for ponies, so they are much to big for your wrists. Oh well, it was a good idea while it lasted. when touring ponyville you pass by this statue of a pegasus that really creeps you out for some reason. when you are walking away you look back at it only to get spooked out of your mind. the statue was looking directly back at you, it had moved After that is done, the three of you then walk through town again. Along the way, the three of you come across a giant status of Princess Celestia, who is standing tall and looking, for the most part, very regal. Suddenly, a thought crosses your mind. "Hey Lyra, Bon Bon." "Yeah," they both say at the same time as they look at you. "What's your Princess Celestia like?" you ask them. "Oh, her," Lyra replies. "She's really nice. She raises the sun everyday, she always tries to be fair and kind to everypony, and she really enjoys meeting her subjects." She then turns back to you. "Why do you ask?" She then says to you. -In Jason's mind- Hmmm... I think you should have him end up with the doctor in the hospital. What he's been here for like what weeks? I'm no expert; but, isn't in human nature to build huge paranoia when they are in a place they don't know with next to no way to go back when ever you want to? I could be wrong and this dosn't happen but I've heard something bad happens if a situation like this happens. I think it would build up so much stress to the point of collapse and start to have a... What was it called again its something attack(I don't know). By collapse I mean he will star freaking the F*** out and maybe star crying. I think this also happens even when the victim is unaware that he's doing it(I think it happens to some collage freshman) despite with all the support he's getting. If this continues for him untreated he might star have a psychological break down. (This was in idea I came up with while I've had a chat with some friends about psychology). My completely unrelated suggestion: have Celestia arrest Jason (for being human)and she tries to rape him (what she's a troll and a molester) which will explain where the original centaurs came from. ( I could go though some more science but I'm not that good at It and I don't care) Suddenly, you hear a knock on the door to Lyra and Bon Bon's house as you walk over and open it. On the other side of the door are two white pegasi ponies in golden armor. "Sir, you are under arrest for being a human," they both say to you in a completely deadpan and emotionless voice as they put you in handcuffs. From there, they, along with four more guards, take you all the way to the palace to meet Princess Celestia. A process which takes a lot quicker than you thought it would. Eventually, you're in her throne room, looking right at her. One of the pony guards then kicks you in the knee so that you fall to your knees. You then suddenly hear the clopping of hooves on the stone floor as you can feel her walking towards you. This is bad, you know it is. This is the end... you're dead... its... Then suddenly you look back up at Celestia. She's smiling... she's smiling incredibly wide at you. Suddenly, out of nowhere, you hear this music start to play. You then watch as Celestia leans in closer, gets right next to your ear and whispers one, single, word to you. "Gotcha." "NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" You scream out at the top of your lungs. -Back outside of Jason's mind- Yeah, in retrospect, this might have been a bad time to remember that Celestia is Twilight's teacher and mentor. "No reason," you say to Lyra as the three of you head off. As you do, you look back at the statue, and you can swear for a moment you saw its head move. No really, you saw it move. You chalk it up to your imagination. Certainly it didn't move right? Right... Step three: discover something you wouldn't expect to enjoy, but do Step four: discover something you thought you would enjoy, but don't sugarcube corner for the win!?! Step 5.) Visit Sugarcube Corner, where Pinkie has a Doozy-combo! She then provides you all cupcakes, before giving you a magical Mugguffin. (IE: Magical item, ranging from Tome of Eternal Darkness, to Magic Muffin...one that actually works...) She says she found the item if asked, and if asked where, shrugs, before changing topic. The idea then gets tossed around to head to Sugarcube Corner for some lunch. You remember thats where your party was held, but you were never inside it during the day. So you are curious to see whats inside during the day. Plus, some baked goods sound like a really good idea right now. On your way there however, the three of you notice something odd. You all see Pinkie happily walking through the town. Then out of nowhere, you all hear music start playing. You have absolutely no idea where it is coming from, but you do. Then, you start to hear Pinkie Pie singing. What do you do? Note: The next chapter will work in two ways. 1.) I will be a classic suggestion chapter, so yeah, same as always. 2.) Since it is our first (and probably only) musical chapter, you all get to decide what song Pinkie Pie is singing. Basically, all you have to do is post a song you want along with your comment. The song that will be chosen will be the comment that has the most upvotes. So yeah, be sure to vote on the songs. Contest winners, this applies to you too. You three can still make story suggestions and I will use them though. Those rules still apply.