A Slice of Afterlife, or: A Day in the Life of a Ponyville Zombie
Part II: A Spirit and a Zombie Walk into a Bar...
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Pinkie Pie cheerily rolled around in the grass on the outskirts of Ponyville, enjoying the mix of soft warmth emanating from Celestia’s sun and refreshing cool of the morning dew below. It was another beautiful day in her town, and she could sense that it was going to be a terrific day - like always!

Suddenly, the mare froze in position. In quick succession, her nose wiggled back and forth, her mane appeared to poof outward even more than usual before returning to its original state, and her tail pulled in before snapping outward like a whip. She gasped as a smile formed on her face.

“Nose wiggle, mane poof, snappy tail? That can only mean one thing!” The pink mare leapt upward and ran in a seemingly random zigzag formation, coming to rest at the top of a hillside overlooking her town. Down below, she saw a figure nearing the bridge into town. “NEW FRIEND! YIPPEE!”

The pink ball of energy rushed down to meet this soon to be ex-stranger and figure out the best way to welcome him into her town. As she approached, she saw that it was distracted by something off to the side. She thought about waiting for it to finish, but the only thing better than a welcome is a surprise welcome!

Forming her best ninja pose, she sprinted stealthily up to the creature before sticking her face up right next to his. She could hardly hold her excitement as she saw it turn its attention toward her. “HIYA! I’m Pinkie Pie and you are my new friend!” It was then that she finally absorbed the details of the creature’s physical features. In mere seconds, her face morphed from happy, to curious, to giddy, to understanding, and finally to ecstatic.

“Ohmigosh are you a zombie? I’ve never met a zombie before!” she exclaimed with sincere interest. “Well, unless you count when I met Trot Zombie that time I went to a rave with Vinyl Scratch, but that it is a completely different story!”

After a moment of no response, she murmured to herself then held out a hoof to his face. It moved its neck outward to snap the appendage, and she retracted it with a happy confirmation as the zombie pony fell forward onto its face. She trotted along, speaking more to herself than to the newcomer. “Oh, I knew it! This is so exciting - I’ll have to throw a super duper special welcoming party for you!”

The creature picked itself back up, a new scuff mark having appeared on its cheek from the fall, peeling a flap of skin downward. It returned to its upward position and continued marching forward toward the pink mare.

“Okay, this is going to take some major planning to get done, since I’ve never met a zombie pony before. Of course we’ll need pin the tail on the pony for starters, because everypony loves that one! And I have plenty of streamers left over from Mr. Beaverton Beaverteeth’s birthday from yesterday afternoon, and-" She stopped as her gleeful expression turned into a pout.

"Wait, this all sounds so normal! I can’t possibly throw an underwhelming celebration for my new undead friend! Well, what do zombies like at parties anyway?” she questioned curiously.

Pinkie put her hoof to her chin and pondered, her thoughts processing in a way no creature, dead or undead, could possibly understand.

“Yeah, I can do that. It might take me a little longer than usual to set up, so don’t go running off anytime soon! I just need to go find myself a screwdriver, a wooden ladle, and Fluttershy’s hairbrush!” With that last item, a pink flash zipped past the zombie toward the direction he had arrived.

For a split second, the creature's expression transformed to utter bewilderment at the pink pony's antics. However, it soon wandered back into reality and remembered that it was, in fact, still a mindless abomination. It returned to its unemotional demeanor and proceeded onward, shoving the previous two minutes out of its memory.

A pink and blue butterfly with two horns and bushy white eyebrows landed atop a nearby tulip. “Well, it looks like I didn’t need to intervene with that one. I should have figured the pink one could accomplish something so inane in such a short time. Sometimes she’s an inspiration to even me.”

The zombie limped over the bridge, clearing the distance to its final destination. Discord watched intently, craving the potential chaos that was about to ensue.

In town, three little fillies missing their cutie marks passed a ball back and forth, rolling it unenthusiastically toward one another as the day grew longer.

Scootaloo, hoof held to her cheek in boredom, rolled the ball toward Apple Bloom for the umpteenth time before finally snapping. “I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE! Everything is so boring today!”

Sweetie Belle nodded in agreement, “Yeah, we really need to find something better to do, and quick! Maybe we can see what Rarity’s up to?”

Scootaloo scowled in response. “So I can die of sewing-related boredom instead of ball-related boredom? No thanks.” Sweetie Belle bowed her head, slightly disappointed. Scootaloo perked up. “Ooh, I know, we can visit Rainbow Dash!”

Sweetie Belle rolled her eyes. “We went over this the first two times you asked her today, plus the three times you asked us afterward. She’s practicing for her academy exam and she doesn’t want any interruptions,” the white unicorn filly responded matter-of-factly.

“Oh yeah,” the orange pegasus replied with a frown. “Well, I’m out of ideas. Can you think of anything, Appl-“ Scootaloo trailed off as both she and Sweetie Belle looked toward the now vacant spot where Apple Bloom was last seen. They followed the sight of her hoof prints off a short distance until they saw her standing attentively ahead, watching a pony in the distance. The two trotted up to her side.

“Have you girls seen that there fella in town before?” Apple Bloom queried as she pointed toward the dusty equine limping a short distance down the road.

“He looks creepy,” answered the white unicorn. The two glanced at her. “What, he does!” she said defensively. Apple Bloom frowned in disappointment.

Scootaloo averted her gaze to the yellow filly and shrugged in agreement. “Well, she’s right.”

Apple Bloom sighed and closed her eyes. “Don’t y’all remember the whole Zecora mess? Everypony shunned her because she looked different, and now you’re tryin’ to do the same thing for this newcomer.”

Scootaloo stepped forward. “Eh… I guess, but this guy really looks like bad news, guy.”

“Come on, Scoots, are ya chicken?” Apple Bloom retorted, tongue outstretched, causing the winged pony to glare with anger. “After all, we’re Crusaders! We can accomplish anythin' if we put our minds to it!”

“Yeah!” agreed Sweetie Belle with a squeak in her voice as she jumped in the air. “This guy doesn’t scare us! Who knows, he may even be a big softy on the inside!”

“Let’s go greet him, girls,” suggested Apple Bloom. "Maybe he’s lost and needs a tour around town. Ya never know, we might make some great tour guides!” Now lacking hesitation, all three fillies trotted down to meet the incoming figure.

Apple Bloom was the first to speak. “Howdy, mister! Ah’m Apple Bloom, this is Scootaloo, and this is Sweetie Belle, and we’re the Cutie Mark Crusaders! We thought maybe you needed a tour around town seein’ as yer new and all.” The three put on their most heart-melting grins.

“Hey, who are you calling a bird brain?!” Scootaloo snapped in reply, her wings fluttering up a storm.

“Hold your horses, Scoots, Ah think he means his name is Bird Brains. Is that right, mister?” questioned Apple Bloom as she tried to alleviate the sudden tension of the situation.

Suddenly, Sweetie Belle’s eyes lit up as she grabbed attention of the two girls. “Look! He’s a blank flank too!” As she pointed toward the creature’s rear, he leaned down to take a bite out of the marshmallow-like appendage. However, as he was about to wrap his jaw around her, his neck was jerked backward and his jaw closed shut from an outside force.

---
A butterfly landed behind the creature’s ear. “Tsk, tsk, tsk, naughty abomination. We can have some fun, but it just can’t be in this way. There are rules now, and these fillies are off the menu. I was hoping for a little more terror coming out of your trip into town, but I’m willing to compromise.”
---

Scootaloo stared in awe at the discovery of her friend. “Wow, you’re right! I didn’t know that was even possible.”

Apple Bloom responded with a cheerful, “Yeah, me neither,” but her attitude soured as a sudden fearful realization spread across her face. “Uh, huddle up, girls!” The three form a triangle some ten feet away from the creature.

---
Discord considered the situation. "Hmmm, perhaps we could at least put some fear into the little ones. That could help start things off right," he said as he temporarily released his control over the creature.
---

“Ah was just thinkin’ that, if something like this could happen to him, it could happen to any of us!” With this observation pointed out, utter horror dawned on the other two members of the group. “Just imagine what this poor fella’s gone through tryin’ to get his cutie mark!“

Sweetie Belle gasped. “Oh no, that would be just terrible! Do you think we could help him out?”

“Of course, we’re crusaders! This is in our job description after all!” replied Scootaloo.

Scootaloo shrugged. “I can’t remember; you’re the one who wrote our mission statement!”

Over the course of this conversation, the zombie crept slowly closer and closer to the trio. Finally, he was in leg’s reach of the unaware orange filly! He leaned in close and opened his mouth wide, viscous drool escaping his lower lips, and -

“CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS DESTINY FINDERS YEAH!!!” The beast was blown back by the raw power of the fillies’ voices, as if the sound barrier submitted to their adorable enthusiasm.

Sweetie Belle suddenly grew perplexed. “Wait, Cutie Mark Crusaders Destiny Finders? Isn’t that sort of redundant?”

“I think it just means the crusading has been doubled!” exclaimed Scootaloo.

The three all looked at the fallen stranger with playful glimmers in their eyes. Apple Bloom reassured him, “Don’t worry, Mr. Brains, we’ll have all yer worries taken care of in no time!”

Through an inane series of events, this became the day that a zombie learned how to jet ski.

The girls watched eagerly from a platform they had constructed near the top of a tree as the undead creature, its back two hooves firmly positioned on the pedals of a shining pink unicycle, balanced itself on a tightrope connected between their platform and a nearby pine. Not even it understood how or why it was doing this. The past two hours had been a blur of high speeds, dangerous jumps, extreme temperatures, and grape squashing, all facilitated by the manipulative insect taking shelter in its mane.

“Ah think we’re gonna need some professional advice. Maybe Applejack can help,” Apple Bloom continued.

Scootaloo grimaced in frustration. “Darn, I was sure this one was going to do the trick! We don’t need your sister, though, we’re the Crusaders! Hold on," she urged as she redirected toward the unicyclist. "HEY BIRD BRAINS, DO YOU THINK IT’S WORKING?”

The ghoul turned toward the sudden outburst. As it shifted position, the unicycle's tire slipped from its position and sent the creature tumbling down into the ground below.

The three fillies gasped, then raced down the tree to view the damage done to their fallen crusader comrade. When they arrived, it was lying on his side, immobile and appearing as deceased as it technically was.

Sweetie Belle chose to speak up. “Uh, Mr. Brains, are you alright? Bird? Hello?”

Scootaloo walked off to the side and returned with a moderately large stick held between her teeth. “Lesspokem.”

Annoyed, Scootaloo spat out the stick. “I said, maybe we should poke him with this,” she replied as she gestured to the grounded item.

Apple Bloom lifted a hoof to her forehead. “Ya can’t just poke someone when they’re on the ground! That’s rude!”

“How is it rude? It's not like I'm scribbling on his face like we do to Sweetie Belle when she oversleeps. I just want to wake him up.”

Sweetie Belle lifted her head away from Bird Brains and looked toward the other two fillies in confusion. She still had the remnants of a black marker mustache across the let side of her snout.

“It’s just not something that ponies do to other ponies, Scoots," replied Apple Bloom.

“Well, if we can’t get him up, how are we supposed to get him back to base?”

“What do you want us to do, carry him back to our clubhouse?” retorted the pegasus.

Sweetie Belle pondered that scenario, rubbing a hoof to her chin. “No, I think he’s too heavy for that.”

----
Bird Brains opened its eyes. As the three continued to argue, it took the opportunity to escape. The fall having miraculously bent its back right leg back into position, it was able to retreat at double speed. Its destination: Anywhere where those three fillies weren’t.

“Huh, maybe you’re not as stupid as you look. Even I had just about enough of that. They could have sent those three after me while I was in charge - their incessant shouting is probably a more effective weapon than the Elements of Harmony could ever hope to be,” quipped butterfly Discord, flipping a page on a miniature magazine while riding on the zombie’s head.

"Also, we should really introduce you to the concept of soap sometime soon."
----

“It means it was asked merely for effect with no actual answer expected,” Sweetie Belle replied happily. The other two fillies looked at her with blank stares.

"Ya mean ya knew exactly..." After some contemplation, Apple Bloom shook her head. “Anyhow, we are definitely not goin' to poke Mr. Brains. Let’s just go over and see if we can wa-“

“He’s gone!” noted Sweetie Belle before Apple Bloom could finish her plan. She pointed toward nearby grove of trees, where fresh hoof prints offered a trail toward Sweet Apple Acres.

Apple Bloom perked up. “Oh, he must have overheard me saying my sister could help him out!“

Apple Bloom shook her head as she trotted toward her. “Nah, Ah think AJ will have things under control. We can check up on them later to see the progress.”

Scootaloo looked over at the unicycle on the ground, still in one piece, and developed an adventurous grin. “You girls thinking what I’m thinking?”

Apple Bloom looked up in consideration, then responded with a smile, “Cutie Mark Crusaders Extreme Mountain Unicyclists Yeah?”

Scootaloo nodded in approval, and the three fillies began hatching plans for their next adrenaline-pumping adventure.

Applejack had returned to the farm and threw her bags on the counter. “Food’s here, Big Mac!” she yelled toward the rest of the house, assuming her big brother was somewhere within earshot. She busied herself with unpacking until the red stallion was seen descending the stairs. She addressed him as she arranged the goods. “Since you went and made breakfast, Ah figure Ah’ll let you decide what to do this afternoon. Ah saw a group of trees in the west fields that seem ripe for the buckin’, or you could go ahead and make supper.”

“Alright, Ah’ll get things started. Hope ya like apples!” Applejack said earnestly.

“Ya know it,” he returned with a caring smile. Big Mac exited out the front and headed over to the barn, where he grabbed a cart and loaded it with several buckets adorned with apple logos before departing for the west field.

As he walked, he noticed a figure in the distance traveling down the main road. Mac didn’t take any special notice of it, since it was not unusual to see pony traffic along the route. He set up at a nearby tree, placing a bucket on either side. With one swift kick, every apple connected to the tree fell off and landed cleanly in the containers below. Mac repeated the process for a few more trees until he caught the traveler in his peripheral vision. It would be rude not to acknowledge a pony on their way, so he turned to greet them.

“Howdy, welcome t-“ Mac drifted off as he absorbed the sight in front of him. Trotting down the dirt path was a mangy, malnourished equine creature, raspy sounds emanating from his open mouth. On top rode a gray beaver with bushy white eyebrows, two horns, and a wickedly sly grin. He held reins connected to the creature and snapped them periodically.

Mac gazed with total incomprehension at the situation. Discord took notice and pulled the reins back, causing the slow-moving corpse to stop. The beaver turned his head and looked over to the dumbfounded stallion. “He may be a piece of junk, but he gets me where I need to go, and I think that’s what matters in the end. Great on fuel consumption, too,” he said plainly before returning his attention to the road ahead and snapping at the reins.

Mac continued to stare as the duo moved off toward the horizon in the direction of Ponyville. After two minutes had passed, his mind returned to him and he looked down as if in deep thought. He then picked himself up and trotted back to his cart with a resounding, “Ehh-nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.”

A Slice of Afterlife

by -Lackluster

II. A Spirit and a Zombie Walk into a Bar...