//------------------------------//
// Clak a Clak 
// Story: Innavedr 
// by Imploding Colon 
//------------------------------//

	With much effort, grunting, and more grunting, Josho was the first to wriggle his way through the side window of the box car.  He gritted his teeth into the whipping mountain winds, his eyes full of tears and stars.  The train was speeding south in a steady blur.  A steep stope loomed towards the left, meanwhile a solid line of trees whizzed by on the right, and beyond them were the craggy ridges of a looming mountain.  The ground below moved by so quickly that the stallion was certain that a single wad of his own spit would lop off twenty full feet of grass.

"Friggin' perfect..."  Grunting some more, he twirled about and slapped both forelimbs straight up.  Gripping the edge of the box car's roof, he pulled himself up.  He was aware of a repetitive thumping noise from down below, but he ignored it as he struggled to position himself upright.  At last, once the window was free, Eagle Eye's body lunged out the window beneath him, tethered magically to Josho's forelimb.

"D-did you have to be so quick about it?!"  Eagle spattered, rubbing a spot on his forelimb.  "Careful, or else you might—Gaah!"  He nearly plunged off the edge of the train.

"Less whining and more train surfing!"  Josho viciously yanked skyward with his forelimbs.  Along the length of the magical purple band, Eagle was lifted out of the train and onto the rattling rooftop besides the obese stallion.

"Ooomf!"  Eagle Eye flailed about like a lavender cockroach.  "Jeez!  I'm a living thing, y'know!"

"Try not to remind me!"  Josho hissed into the biting air.  He flashed a look left and right, glancing at both ends of the train.  "This is nuts!" he growled into the wind.  "The damn thing's moving too quickly to jump out!"

"You mean with our bones intact, right?  Cuz I'm all for taking the plunge at this point."

"Don't be a drama queen, drama queen.  We gotta slow this thing down if we wanna get off safely."

"So... what then?"  Eagle Eye tried standing up.  He tumbled and leaned weakly against Josho's figure.  "We... we t-take over the engine?"

"If we had a full battallion, sure.  But we don't."  Josho took a deep breath.  "It'd be more sensible if we detached this box car.  Once it's separated from the rest of the train, it should slow down to a safe speed on its own."

"What about the magic suppression field?"

"If we combine our telekinesis, we should manage to unlock the couplers!"  Josho motioned with his head and crawled against the rushing air, inching towards the front of the train.  "Come on!  Keep low!  Whatever happens, just promise not to shriek like a filly—"

"Ah-ha!"  A fox wearing goggles suddenly flipped up and landed on the edge of the box car before them.

"Giyaaaa!"  Eagle Eye clung to Josho.

"Nnnngh—What did I just—?!"

With a clicking sound, the fox crouched low and produced a revolver.  "I knew something was up!  You think we didn't have the windows of each car rigged, ya stupid hoofers?!"

Josho sighed with a slump of his shoulders.  "One of these days, why can't we just be foalnapped by a bunch of talking tortoises?"

"You're needed for a very important trade.  We're not about to let down the Xonan magistrate."  The fox motioned with his free hand towards the box-car below.  "Back into your hold, horsies, before I have to put my foot down."

"Way ahead of you."  Frowning, Josho raised both forelimbs.

Eagle Eye blinked.  "What are you doing—?"

"Rrrrgh!"  Josho slammed both hooves into the wooden rooftop of the rattling box car below.  A long plank beneath him collapsed, and the opposite end flew straight up, uppercutting the fox across his furry orange jaw.

"Glllggrkt!"  The creature teetered back.  He lost grip of his gun.

The revolver flew along with the air, sailing like a silver comet past Eagle Eye's head.  He turned to gawk at it—then yelped as he was suddenly dragged forward.

"Haaaaaaugh!"  Josho charged like an angry bull.  When he reached the fox, he speared him viciously in the chest.  The two went flying over the space between compartments, landing on the next car ahead.  "Nnngh!"  Applying his heavy weight over the fox, he started pummeling the creature mercilessly.

In the meantime, Eagle Eye dangled on the edge of the second-to-last car, above the rattling couplers.  He hissed through clenched teeth as he attempted climbing up to join his violent companion.  Just then, he heard rattling of paws on the other side of the door in front of him.  He gasped.

"Rrrrgh!"  Josho bit onto the fox's ear and tossed him—shrieking—into the open countryside towards the left of the speeding train.  "Hah!  Trade in Hell, fur freak!"

"Th-they're coming!" Eagle Eye stammered from down below.  "I can hear them—"

"All the frickin' world's a stage."  Josho held his breath and used all his strength to drag Eagle Eye up onto the roof of the second car.

As soon as Eagle landed, he used his telekinesis to give Josho a boost.  Scrambling onto their hooves, they sprinted towards the engine of the train four cars ahead.  They could hear the door behind and below them opening wide, followed by the shouting gasps of the foxes climbing up in pursuit.

"Did you grab the jerk's gun?!" Josho asked.

"No!  I was too busy being dragged into the next century!"

"Well, if that isn't your life's story!"

Josho's voice was cut off by loud blasts ringing through the air.  Bullets whizzed by them, ricocheting off the wooden rooftops of the train cars.  Two foxes charged after the two, crouching and firing at random intervals.  At one point, they took extra care to aim.

Just then, the train hit a curve.  Wheels grinded and shrieked, showering sparks across the rails below.  The last few pistol rounds flew way off course, allowing Josho and Eagle Eye an open opportunity to jump onto the next car.  Eagle landed with no problem whatsoever.  Josho....

"Gaaah!" He shrieked, the sound of his voice enveloped by a crunching noise.  His two lower limbs had smashed deep into the body of the train's roof.  He fought and struggled to get free, but his body had sunk too deep. "Oh, for crying out loud..."

"The idiot's stuck!" one of the foxes shouted into the air, grinning as he paused to reload his pistol.  "How awesome is that?"

"Shut up!" grunted a fox with an eyepatch.  "Don't you see where they are?!"

"Uhhh..."

The one-eyed fox aimed with his pistol.  "Don't let them get to the merchandise!"  He fired.

Bullet bounced off the wooden surface just inches from Josho's flank.

"Augh!"  Josho flinched, gritting his teeth.  "Sonuva..."

"Nnnngh!"  Eagle Eye tugged and tugged, using both his forelimbs and his magic.  "Stop... being... so... fat...!"

"I've had nothing to eat but your sugar and spice in both ears for three days!"

"Will you shut up with that—?!" Eagle let out a shriek as a bullet whizzed by him.

"Wish this damn train would stop turning—" The eyepatched fox grumbled.

"Step aside, deadeye."  The other finished reloading and aimed his weapon with a piercing gaze.  "I got this."

Eagle Eye panted for breath.  He glanced over his shoulder, spotting a tree hanging low over the blurring train.  He aimed his horn, and his face tensed up as he summoned a desperate burst of magic.  Two branches snapped loose, grazed the two ponies' skulls, and bounced murderously towards the foxes.

"Look out!" the one with the eyepatched rolled aside.

"Gaaaah—!" The other privateer's voice left him as soon as his throat did... and his whole head for that matter.  What was left of his torso toppeled bloodily to the side.

Pale-faced, the other creature looked up, snarled, and tossed his pistol aside.  Unsheathing a glistening dagger, he skittered-skittered-skittered across the train top with a warcry.

Eagle Eye braced himself, using his telekinesis at the last second to hold the fox's dagger back.  That didn't stop the creature from plunging into him with pure bloodlust.  The two wrestled and tumbled across the box-car as the wind kicked at their thrashing bodies.

"Buck him!"  Josho grunted, still struggling to pull himself loose.  "Just buck him already!"

"What... does... it look like—?!"  Eagle Eye gasped as the fox got the upper hand.

"Nnnngh!"  The fox snarled and plunged the dagger down towards Eagle's neck.

At the last second, the mercenary fired a blast of magic.  The fox's eyepatch swiveled to cover his one good eye.

"Daah!" The fox lurched.

Metal rang in the air as the dagger landed just an inch away from Eagle's ear.  With a grunt, he kicked his legs straight up.

The fox's body flailed as he fell back the full length of a train car in the wind.  He landed, tumbled, and rolled back into the space between compartments, where he dangled awkwardly.

Eagle Eye stood up, panting for breath.  With his horn, he pulled and pulled at the dagger until it flew out from the traintop and levitated in his grasp.  Swallowing, he glanced down at Josho.

Josho stared up at him.

Eagle Eye blinked.  He glanced at Josho's predicament, then at the shiny blade in his grasp.

Josho gulped.

The young stallion's brow furrowed. With a frown, he stabbed down at the enforcer.

Josho flinched, only to feel a spray of wooden chips across his face.  He opened his twitching eyes to see the unicorn digging and peeling away at the hole that had ensnared the obese pony's body.

"Don't know what this 'special merchandise' is that they were talking about beneath us, but it'd be a shame to have your fat flank smash through it," Eagle Eye grunted.  "Once I get you out, we're taking over the engine.  You hear me?"

Josho nodded slowly, his dry mouth agape.  "Yeah.  Hear you loud and clear, kid."

"Always wanted to ride a train.  Never thought I'd have to take one over at knife-point."

"I think you're tearing away too much, kid.  Kid?!  Darn it, stop!"

"Whoah!" It was too late, Eagle Eye pulled one plank too many.  The hole collapsed wider, and both stallions went plunging into the pitch dark of the box car below.