//------------------------------// // Chapter Sixteen: Where the Hell Are You? (Part Two) // Story: Bricks in the Wall // by _NAME_ //------------------------------// Chapter Sixteen Where the Hell Are You? (Part Two) …Good morning… I opened one eye. Then, another. I rolled over, turning towards the other side of the bed with a smile on my face. “Hey…” I said wearily, “have a good night’s sleep?” Nopony was there to answer me, certainly not any mare. I blinked, and my eyes focused on the blank white wall ahead of me. I sighed and flipped back over to face the cheerful faces of the pegasi foals on my ceiling. I wasn’t sure why I was expecting there to be anypony beside me this morning. It must have been the last remnants of a dream. Months had gone by in a blur. Or, at least that’s what the nurses told me. After the first few nights, I lost all track of time. The only indication of the outside world came from the cycle of sunlight and moonlight through the small window in my room. Sometimes, it felt like only a few days since my first time waking up with amnesia. I quickly settled into life in the institution as well as to be expected. I found that I retained something like muscle memory for the routines and expectations in the asylum, despite the fact that my memory never returned to me. Wake up at 9:00; ten minutes in the communal bathroom; take morning pills; mandatory check to make sure we took our pills; musical therapy in the music room every day for two hours; hour and forty-five minutes for breakfast; doctor visits and general medicinal assessments; lunch break; three hours of group therapy once every week, free time for six hours; an hour of dinner; take evening pills; mandatory check to make sure we all took our pills; return to our rooms for an hour and a half of free time; lights out; sleep; rinse, repeat. Mind-numbing, but tolerable, nonetheless. One morning, a few days before Nightmare Night, while I was eating a breakfast of oatmeal and toast, I was talking to a stallion named Featherhead. Or rather, he was talking to me and I was sort of half-listening to him. “I’ve always been mad,” he was saying, “I know I’ve been mad, like the most of us are. It’s very hard to explain why you’re mad, even if you’re not mad. These doctors try to explain why we act like we do, but they don’t know why themselves.” He stopped for a moment, and then began again. “I’ve been mad for fucking years, absolutely for years. I’ve been over the edge for ages... Been working with rubber bands for too long, I think. You can pull on one for so long before it snaps, you know? I suppose that’s how to explain it…” I nodded absentmindedly, tuning out most of what he was saying. He had a habit of rambling on about whatever topic caught his attention to anypony who accidently sat still long enough to listen, even if he had already talked to them about it. He had already told me about the migrating patterns of the cuckoo bird more times than I can count on my hooves. Luckily for me, just as Featherhead began to explain his mental condition for the fourth time, Dreams walked up. “Hello boys,” she said. “Hey,” I muttered, glancing at Featherhead with an exasperated look. The blue stallion noticed Dreams and drew her into our conversation. “You understand, don’t you Miss Dreams? About being mad? Not many of you do, but you do. You’re like one of us.” Dreams smiled. “Of course I am Featherhead. I’ve been mad for years, just like you, absolutely years.” Featherhead nodded vigorously, nearly toppling over. “Yeah. Yeah, you know. Mad for years. You know, not many ponies know, but I used to manage a band. A small-time, obscure band, but-“ “Actually Featherhead,” cut in Dreams, “as much as we would love to hear your story, I have to talk to Gray about something.” Featherhead tilted his head in confusion. “Who’s Gray?” he asked. Dreams pointed at me. “Pink is Gray. Remember how he has amnesia?” He shook his head. “Not really… But if you say so, Miss Dreams.” He waved at me. “Bye-bye Pink. I’ll talk to you later, okay?” I smiled. “Of course.” I hesitated for a moment and glanced at my breakfast. I stuffed the rest of my toast in my mouth, stood up from the table and walked off with Dreams. Outside of the house, the cobblestone streets were blanketed with fresh snow. Trees swayed lazily in a stiff breeze, not quite motionless enough to allow the few flakes of snow drifting down from the clouds to accumulate on the branches. “So,” I asked, “what did you want to talk about?” “Oh, nothing…” She giggled. “I just thought you looked like you wanted to get out of there.” She leaned in close. “I know how agonizing Featherhead can be…” My eyes widened in surprise. “You’re a nurse! You shouldn’t talk about the patients like that.” She chuckled again and put a hoof around my shoulders. I felt a blush creep into my cheeks. “Are you going to report me, Gray? Can’t you keep a secret?” I nodded silently. We looked into each other’s eyes and we smiled. “Good.” she said simply. And then she kissed my cheek and walked off without a word, leaving me standing numbly in the middle of the hallway. ~-~-~-~-~-~-~ “I mean, I don’t know why I can’t have a pet bird here. I’ve shown that I’m responsible. I can take care of an animal. But nnnooooo! Nurse Ratchet said there was a no pet policy. I can’t believe her! I mean—” “Marm.” I cut into her rant, placing a hoof over her mouth. “It’ll be okay. You’ll get over it in time.” She shoved my hoof away, tears forming in her eyes. “But it won’t be okay! I just wanted a little birdy friend to hold and take care of and… and… and that bitch of a nurse won’t let me! After everything I do to keep everypony safe here, she told me no because of my unique condition! Doesn’t she know how much I worry about everypony? Doesn’t she know what I go through every time I see somepony doing something stupid?” “I-I’m sure th-that she does, mmmh-Marm.” said Starshine. “But… I’m s-s-sure she’s busy, what w-with tod-day, and all—they’ve all buh-been busy get-t-tting ready f-for today. Broom nodded. “Yeah,” I said, “Hearth’s Warming isn’t exactly a normal day. Just ask Doctor or somepony after the year’s over. I’m sure you’ll get a better response.” Marm sighed. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. I just… I just wanted to get one for Hearth’s Warming, you know? Get something that feels special…unique. Not the same present that everypony else gets.” My ears perked up. “We get presents here?” Marm looked at me curiously. “Of course we do. The management gets all of us presents every year. Small, cheap things, that couldn’t possibly pose a threat to our health, but presents, nonetheless.” She smiled. “And of course, we also get presents from our parents and relatives and things. Right after dinner, the orderlies put all of our presents into our rooms, so they’re there when we go in for bed. And,” she paused for effect, “sometimes we get surprise visits from family and friends.” It’s a matter of opinion, you know? If it wasn’t for them, everything would be outta whack, but you can’t help but hate them. They tread a fine line. One step one way and everything topples over like building blocks… Starshine spoke up. “M-my parents sends me a ca-ard and a heh-ho-h-hoof-knit swea-sw-sweater every y-year. Once, m-Ma and Pa met me in o-one of the visit-visiting rooms. I was so happy. It—it was a great surprise…” He was practically beaming at the memory. “Do I—” I stopped. “Do my parents ever send me presents?” Marm pursed her lips and shot a glance at Starshine, who returned the look. “Well…” she began. “Not really. Your parents are… Uhhmmmm… Your parents are…busy. They don’t—they can’t… I… I shouldn’t be, I mean, I don’t know everything… I mean, it’s possible... I don’t know… I…” She paused. “You-you should ask Dreams or Doctor or somepony else. They’ll be to tell you better, I…” She looked ready to burst into tears. “Whoa, whoa. It’s okay Marm. I-I’ll ask them, alright? Don’t cry.” “Yuh-yeah, we’re ah-already pretty late for-or break-fast. We’ve been late e-enough tuh-tuh-times already…” “I’m sorry.” Marm wiped her eyes. “I just—I’m just being silly, aren’t I? No wonder they don’t trust me with a pet…” “No. Don’t say that Marm. You’re fine. Don’t—” I started to comfort her, but Broom stepped in between me and her. “Shh…” He stroked her mane. “Hearth’s Warming is a happy time of year. You work so hard, trying to take care of all of us, but you never stop and take care of yourself. You need to let go and relax a bit…” I blinked. That was definitely the most I had ever heard him say. Marm took a deep breath. “You’re—you’re right. Thanks Broom. You-you always know what to say. I was having a little lapse there.” Another deep breath. “I’m sorry, everypony.” “It’s alright.” I said. “Y-yeah. You don’t ha-ave to apolo-app-apolog-ize. We’re yo-your friends…” Broom smiled and backed away from her. “Now, come on.” I said. “We can’t be late for our Hearth’s Warming breakfast. I hear that they ordered some food from an actual restaurant.” I set off down the hallway, leading the way for the rest of my friends. And somewhere, deep in my mind, was the hope that I would maybe get a present from my parents tonight. ~-~-~-~-~-~-~ “What do you think, Gray?” I looked up from the piano. “Hmm?” Maestro snorted and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his snout. “I asked if you thought if my violin sounded right or not. Coalcatcher,” he gestured at the pony, “seems to think my violin is out of tune, but I don’t hear it.” “Oh!” I scratched the side of my face and glanced between the two blue ponies. “I… I’m not sure. I wasn’t exactly listening. Play something again.” I motioned at his instrument. Maestro rolled his eyes and ran his bow across the violin strings, playing up the scale. I shrugged. “I think it sounds fine.” Maestro nodded in agreement and Coalcatcher rolled his eyes. I chuckled, “I think Coal might have damaged his hearing with all his drumming.” How are you feeling today? Sheesh… that doesn’t sound good. Sorry to hear that. Coalcatcher glowered at me. “I don’t drum that loud. I probably have better hearing than any of you.” I scoffed. “Coal, if you had your way, you’d put explosives in your drum kit or set it on fire or something and end up burning the whole place down.” He suddenly looked angry. “Hey, don’t diss fire, dude. It’s a beautiful thing. The way the flames dance and lick at wood and course along walls, and set things ablaze with that roaring, warm glow. It’s one of the most amazing things in nature.” He giggled and smiled. “Fire would eat you alive without a second’s thought. All you would feel is its heat and the wondrous smell of flesh burning and—” Maestro cleared his throat loudly and shot me a nervous glance. “Okay… alright Coal. That-th-that’s enough now, do-don’t you think? If we stand around too long, we’ll never get our pieces memorized in time for tonight. You wouldn’t want to disappoint the rest of the hospital if our performance isn’t up to snuff, not would you?” Tick-tock. Coalcatcher shook his head and looked over at Maestro and me as if he had forgotten we were there. “Heh…” He licked his lips and one of his legs twitched. “Yeah… Yeah, you’re right… I-I better go and do the stuff… Heh...” He paused and scratched at his neck. “Percussion instruments won’t play themselves, right…?” I smiled reassuringly at him. “That’s right.” Coalcatcher half-nodded and walked away, his tail swishing from side-to-side as he went, unable to hide the large, raw burns that covered the entire lower half of his body. Maestro let out a sigh of relief. “Poor chap.” he whispered. “I think he would have made a fine, upstanding stallion, had things not turned out the way they did. Don’t you think so?” Before I had a chance to say anything, Maestro answered himself. “I do agree. It’s a shame what happened to his family. I’m not sure how he copes with the grief.” “Indeed.” Maestro replied. “I can only imagine what he feels inside. It must be horrible.” Maestro turned away from me, muttering something under his breath. He ran a hoof through his hair and looked back at me. “Why am I wearing these glasses? My eyesight is perfect!” He took them off and stared at them as if they were a particularly large spider. I hesitated. “I-I’m not sure. You’ve always needed your glasses.” Maestro blinked. “Well of course I’ve always needed my glasses, boy! I’m as blind as a bat without them! Why’d you make me take them off?” He snorted, put his glasses back on and walked off, forgetting his violin behind. I looked around the music room and at my fellow band members and sighed, resting my head on the piano. It was only a few more hours until the concert. ~-~-~-~-~-~-~ That night, Dreams was escorting me back to my room after the band and I put on a Hearth’s Warming performance of a few carols. The crowd’s cheers still rang clear in my head. Despite all odds, most everything went alright and we managed to get through the songs without incident. For my first performance for the rest of the hospital since the amnesia, everypony liked it. I even had a solo piece, which got a standing ovation of sorts from the crowd. It was satisfying to know that a room mostly full of mentally ill ponies thought my music was good. As we walked back to my room, the patients allowed to walk around freely congratulated me on the performance. Even a few of the nurses and doctors told me that they glad to see my old self back on stage. Dreams nudged me. “You did wonderful tonight Gray,” she reminded me for the fifth time that night. I overdramatically rolled my eyes and scoffed, grinning all the while. She playfully swatted my flank with her tail. “Don’t be like that!” she chided. “I mean it. You were really good.” She paused. “It was beautiful…” I looked at her and felt my face heat up. “Thank you.” My heart fluttered in my chest. You can have them in any color you like, so long as that color is black. Stop making such a fuss about it, yeah? Now, do you want one or not? “Gray?” “Hmm?” I shot a glance at Dreams. “We’re here.” “Oh… right. I was thinking about things…” Dreams stifled a small giggle and pushed open the door. “You think about things a lot Gray. You should try and be more observant sometimes.” We walked in and my eyes were immediately drawn to the small potted plant in the corner. Sometime during the afternoon, an orderly had decorated it, in the loosest sense of the word; three ornaments hung off of the plant’s branches and the plant was sloppily wrapped with a ribbon that looked as if it had been used for ten years. At the base of the plant, there was only one present wrapped in brown construction paper. The present from the institution. My parents didn’t send me anything. Despite Marm’s explanation that I rarely got presents from them, a large part of me was hoping that maybe things would have been different this time. Maybe they would send me something; maybe my parents would acknowledge me. In the whole months since the amnesia, my parents never once contacted me. I felt my stomach drop and I stared at the plant for a minute, clinging to the hope that maybe my parent’s present would magically appear there. Dreams must have noticed my reaction and pulled me in for a hug. “Hey, don’t be sad. Most ponies only ever get one present because their relatives choose to ignore them. Your mother and father love you, though. They love you a lot. They’re just busy.” She chuckled. “And besides, there’s not a whole lot they could send you that wouldn’t be viewed as dangerous when they screen incoming packages.” I fell down into the bed and stared at the ever watchful foals on the ceiling. “Who are my parents Dreams? What do they do?” “Well.” She sat down beside me. “I’ve never personally met them, but I know they work for the government, so they rarely ever have free time. I can’t remember their names off the top of my head, but I do know they love you.” “But not enough to acknowledge my existence?” The photo album was lying open on the table, its pages flipped open halfway. There were two pictures, one on each page. The first was of a stallion, a mare and a small colt as smiling at the camera. The second was only of the mare and the colt, both visibly older and exhausted. There were no other pictures after that. “Well… I can’t… I can’t speak for them. That’s something you’d have to ask them. You could write a letter to them, if you want. I don’t know when we’d get a response, but—” I sat up and looked Dreams in the eyes. “Can I meet them?” I asked. She looked confused for a moment. “You mean… Have them come here and… and… meet you?” I raised an eyebrow. “Yeah. Why? Is that not allowed or something…?” “No, no. It’s fine.” she said quickly, glancing down at the floor. “I-I’ll talk to Doctor about it, okay? See if he can’t arrange you a meeting.” “Thanks.” There was silence for a moment. There wasn’t much to be said. “So Gray…” Dreams spoke up. “Gray, I uhh… I did get you a present.” Her horn lit up and a small letter floated out of one of the pockets in her wrinkled uniform. “Well, it’s more of a card than a present, but…” I took the card from her magical grip and set on the bed between us. “It’s fine.” I smiled. “It’s perfect, actually… I didn’t get you anything though.” Dreams placed a hoof on my leg. “It’s alright. You didn’t have to.” The room was silent again. “Gray, I—” “Dreams, I—” We both stopped. My stomach felt…knotted. “You go first.” I said. “No you.” “No, I’d rather hear what you were going to say first.” She nodded and bit her lip, but didn’t say anything right away. “Gray, I…” Her voice wavered and she looked at my face. She took a deep breath and lunged forward, her lips connecting with mine. My eyes flew open in surprise for a moment, but then closed as I returned the kiss with an equal ferocity. I wrapped a hoof around her neck, pulling her closer to me and ran my other hoof through her mane. We broke apart moments later, both of us panting slightly. Dreams wiped the corner of her snout and smiled. “Now… What was it that you wanted to tell me?” I smiled. “I was going to say the same thing.” Her beautiful blue eyes sparkled. “Oh Gray!” She moved forward again, wrapping me in a full hug, pecking kisses along the side of my head all the while. As we reveled in each other’s presence, I felt a wave of déjà vu pass through my mind. For something so very new, it seemed so very familiar. Everything about the moment had felt so… familiar. One of these days… We probably would have stayed like that for the rest of the night had a thought not pushed itself to the forefront of my mind. I gently pushed Dreams off of me and ignored her protests. “Isn’t there something that forbids nurses and patients from getting together? I mean, isn’t it illegal or something? Should we be doing this?” Dreams’ smile fell. She looked confused for a moment and gazed at the wall behind me. I blinked. She looked back at me, her eyes watering. “G-Gray… I can’t…” She gulped. “Th-things will be fine. They won’t c-care...” She sat up suddenly and growled in frustration. “…too complicated… I can’t…” She glanced back at me. “Everything will be fine. Trust me, okay?” She smiled, her jaw visibly clenched. I nodded. Go on and ask Dreams why the other nurses don’t trust ‘er! Ha! Ask ‘er what happened six years ago! Ask ‘er why she lied to you! I smiled back at her and pulled her back down to the bed. She sighed and nuzzled into my chest, her hooves wrapped around my back. I stroked her mane, feeling the surprising number of knots, and breathed in her scent, merely content to be near her. I closed my eyes and leaned back into my pillow. “I can keep a secret, Dreams.” I murmured. I only received a soft whimper as an answer. There was a loud click as the lights shut off for the night and the room was plunged into darkness. A sliver of moonlight cut through the darkness an illuminated Dreams’ smiling face. And, for the first time, I held her body next to mine as we drifted off to sleep for the night. ~-~-~-~-~-~-~ One night, I managed to work up the nerve to read a bit of my old journal. The journal had sat in the corner of my desk, ignored for the months since that first night. I always told myself there was never any time to read, but I knew that was just an excuse. It scared me. There was something about that little black book that terrified me to no end. I could never place what it was, but it prevented me from ever looking at the journal. Fear of discovery, Doctor called it. For all my eagerness to remember my past, the easiest route was the most apprehensive and terrifying to take. It was just a simple look, but what if that look turned out to be bad? What if I regretted it? Dreams kept wanting me to read it, kept telling me that it was the solution to everything. Despite our newfound relationship, I could never do what she asked. I could never read my journal. So it sat and I sat with it, unable to muster up the courage to even look in its direction. But one night, I found myself staring at the book, unable to take my eyes off it. I watched it for well over an hour, wondering what was within its covers. I had often wondered that. It was almost calling me. For the briefest moments, I thought as if I could hear whispers, telling me to read the book, but when I concentrated on them, they always disappeared. After a few moments, I finally decided to do it. Steeling my nerves, I raced over to the desk and snatched the journal from it. I returned to the bed and laid down on it. I took a deep breath and flipped open to a random page: fair’ isn’t’fair it isn’t fair it isn’t fair it isn’t fair it isn’t fair I t isn’t fair it is n’t fair it isn’t fair it isn’t fair it isn’t fair it isnl’t fair it I’sn’t fair it I’sn ’t fair it isn’t fair it isn’t can’t be fair it isn’t fair itititititiit isn’t fair it isn’t fair it isn’t l fair it isn’t fa ir it isn’t fuck fair iT isn’t fair I t isn’’’’’t’t f ailr it isn’t Fairir it isn’t fair it issdn ’t fair it isn’’t fair it isn’t fair lit isn’t fair it isn’t fair it isn’t fair it isn’t fair it isn’t f air it isn’t fair ilt isn’t fair it isn fair it isn’tl fair it isn’t fair it isn’t fair’ it isn’t fair it ’t isn’ t fair itttttttttttttptttttttt isn’t fair it isn’t fair it isn’t is It fair it isln’t fair it isn’t fair it isn’dt fair it igsn’t ffairair it isn’t lair it isn’t fair it isn’t fFFair it isn’t not ‘f r it isn’t fair it isn’t fair it isn’t f’tair it isn’t fair it isn’t fair it I sn’t fai’r not fair lnot fair not fair not fair fair fair fuck them fu l ck them fuck them fuck fuckfuckfuckthem fuck them fuckl them fuck them fu ck t he lll fuck them ck them fu’ck th e m fuc k them fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuc’k fuck fuck fuck fuc’k fufuckck fuck fuck fuck fuckfuckkfuc kfuckufkufklufklfuckfusf kFUCKsdfasdffffff’fff fffffffffffffffffffffffffftyddfffffffffffffffff’f’fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff Ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff’ffffffffffffffff ffmmakemkamk’emkaemkamm’mmm make it stop sStop’ make it stopma’ke it stopsto’stiopsaf make it stop hello hi helllo so much noise so much yelling NOISES I stopped reading. I couldn’t bear to look at the book any further. I cried. ~-~-~-~-~-~-~ There was laughter in the air, something that would be expected in a public park. A mare and a stallion sat on a blanket, sharing a light lunch that one of them had brought in a basket. The mare laughed and threw back her head, her mane fluttering in a slight breeze. The stallion smiled and took another bite of his sandwich. “So,” began Doctor Jekyll as he glanced at his clipboard, “last meeting, we were just beginning to talk about Starshine and his little brother. He was going to tell us a story. Would you care to continue with your story, Starshine?” Starshine fidgeted in his seat. “W-wells, I, umm… I suppose I can.” He paused. “It was—it w-was t-t-t-t-two years before I-I-I… a-at Fletcher’s. M-me a-an-and him were fly-fl-flying—I w-was teach-teach—I was t-teach-ing him t-to fly...” He rubbed his ear and muttered under his breath, looking down at the floor for a moment. He licked his lips. “M-me and we-were learning—I was te-teaching h-him tuh-to fly. M-m-mother tuh-tuh-told me to be-be-be c-careful, an-and I was.” His eyes looked at something distant. “I-I-I was t-tellin-guh him to-o—about—up-updrafts and h-how to-to c-compe-comen-compensate f-or them, wh-when… We, uhh, w-we lived n-near the whea-wuh-Weather fact-Factory, you see, and we were pract-practicing on a cl-cloud near wh-where they keep th-the thun-thunder—keep the thunderheads f-for-or the st-sto-st-storms…” He took a deep breath and ran a hoof over his right foreleg, feeling the long scars where flesh had once met knife. Doctor Jekyll smiled. “If the memory troubles you too much, Starshine, you don’t have to share it. I’ll understand.” Starshine jerkily shook his head. “No. N-no. I-I-I w-wanna. I’ve k-kept it in suh-so-o long, that it-it’s bursting-bursting out, and I h-have to—I have-have to…” He looked up briefly and caught my eyes. I smiled at him and he smiled back. I could tell Marmalade wanted to hug him, to comfort him, but she knew that he wouldn’t let her. She settled for a smile. “It’s alright Star, we’re here for you.” Starshine gulped and nodded. “I-it w-was an acci-ack-a-acciden-accident. The-the st-storm cl-c-clouds went off, an-and he w-was cau-caught in them—h-he was c-caught i-in the expl-explosion... I wat-watch-ed a-as his blac-bla—burned—bo-body plum-plummet-plu-plummeted to th-the ground bu-but I-I couldn’t move… I-I-I-I w-w-was too sc-s-s-sc-s-scared… I…” He held his head in his hooves. “I-i-it was all m-my fault th-that he d-died… M-m-mother w-was fu-furi-f-furious a-at me…” Starshine trailed off into silence, nervously wringing his hooves. “That’s good, Starshine. That’s a very good start.” Doctor Jekyll gave an encouraging smile and looked around the room. “Do any of you want to share your thoughts on Starshine’s story so far?” After a moment’s silence, Gerald raised his hand. Doctor Jekyll nodded at him to speak. Gerald scoffed. “Puh! Can’t you see that this is jus’ anotha of their mind games Star? I’ll bet that none of that ever even ‘appened! They’re just makin’ up the memories, makin’ you think you’re crazy!” He clapped his hands together loudly. “An’ before you know it, they’ll throw you in the shock chair and you’ll be a flippin’ vegetable, like Fireheart.” “Now Gerald,” admonished Doctor Jekyll, “don’t scare Starshine like that. You know that isn’t true. If you keep spouting nonsense like that and insist on living in your fantasy world, we’ll have to increase your dosage even more. I know you wouldn’t want that.” Gerald idly played with his talons and glowered at the doctor. “You ain’t gettin’ nowhere near me with anymore of your medicine, doc. I’ll be damned if you fuckers mess with my head anymore.” He leaned forward, his eyes sweeping over each of us. “I wasn’t crazy when I first got ‘ere. You bastards kidnapped me and fucked with my mind, just because you could. I may ‘ave believed it in the beginnin’, but I’ve wised up to your games. The only problem is that you’ve got these… these sheep,” he gestured to all of us, “blindly followin’ you to their deaths. You’re all corrupt.” Doctor Jekyll sighed. “Gerald, we’ve had this conversation a hundred times. We did not kidnap you. You were admitted eight years ago after you brutally attacked a nice old stallion and set fire to an orphanage.” “Those brats had it comin’! The gover’ment was usin’ them to spy on me! What else was I supposed to do?!” “Gerald, you’re distracting us from Starshine’s story. Perhaps you’d like to calm down. You’re getting worked up again.” “NO!” Gerald stood up, his glasses swaying precariously on his beak, “YOU CALM DOWN! I DON’T WANNA HEAR NO MORE OF YOUR LIES! YOU FUCKIN’ BASTARDS ‘AVE MADE MY LIFE MISERABLE!” The room went quiet. Silence. I sang softly under my breath, desperate to have some sort of noise. Gerald turned his venomous glare towards me. “An’ what you think you’re doin’?! Huh? Stop makin’ that fuckin’ noise! Can’t you ever just stay quiet for once?!” I stopped. “Now, Gerald,” rasped Doctor Jekyll, “don’t you think you should sit down? You’re scaring the others.” He gestured to Starshine, who was quivering and muttering under his breath. Gerald clicked his beak in annoyance and crossed his arms. “An’ what if I don’t?” Marm spoke up, her voice barely a whisper. “You know what’ll happen to you if you don’t calm down Gerald.” Gerald cupped a claw to his ear. “What was that, lassie? Didn’t quite hear you.” Marm gulped. “You—you know what’ll happen to you if you d-don’t calm down. They’ll lock you up again.” Gerald paused for a moment and nodded his head, as if he was seriously considering the notion. But then he puffed out his chest and shrieked at the room, his wings flaring out. “SO WHAT IF THEY LOCK ME UP AGAIN!? I DON’T CARE! MY LIFE IS RUINED ANYWAYS!” He paused, breathing deeply. “These bastards have taken everythin’ from me but my own life, an’ even that’s forfeit too…” The door creaked open and the unicorn orderly from the hallway stepped halfway in. “Is everything alright in here, Doctor?” “Just peachy.” Gerald hissed. “I'm only going to die in here, at the hooves of you ponies.” Doctor Jekyll snorted in irritation. “Gerald, we are not going to hurt you. You are only hurting yourself.” “Bullshit!” Gerald roared. “I see you ponies come in to my room every night an’ poke and prod me with all sorts of things, experimentin’ on me! They think I’m asleep, but I’m awake through all of it. I feel all of it, and it hurts so much… It hurts so much…” he trailed off, staring at the wall in front of him. Doctor Jekyll motioned for the orderly at the door to stand by. Gerald flapped his wings angrily and picked up from where he left off. “It hurts so much, so don’t so fuckin’ go tellin’ me that you bastards ain’t ‘ere to hurt me, because I ain’t buyin’ in to none of your lies!” He stood up and pointed a sharp talon in Doctor Jekyll’s face. “YOU GOT THAT, BUB?! I AIN’T TAKIN’ NO MORE OF YOUR SHIT!” With his other hand, Gerald gripped Doctor Jekyll’s hoof and dug his talons into his skin. Doctor Jekyll yelped in pain and his horn flared to life, trying to push the griffon off him, to no avail. Gerald racked his other hand across Doctor Jekyll’s face, grinning madly all the while. Blood splattered the floor. He bent down and whispered into the doctor’s ear. “I’m gonna make you feel the pain that I feel, alright Doc?” How’s that for sharin’ my feelings?” But the orderly sprang into action and yanked Gerald off of the doctor. The griffon and orderly struggled for a moment, Gerald’s wings throwing the unicorn off balance. The orderly’s horn flared to life, forcing Gerald’s arms to his side and pinned him to the ground, immobilizing his wings. Doctor Jekyll clutched at his bleeding wounds and staggered to his hooves. Dreams and Marm leaped to his side, steadying him. He stumbled over to Gerald and looked at him, pity evident on his face. Gerald squawked in anger and tried to force the large orderly off of him, but couldn’t find the strength. He gave up, letting the stallion bind his hands and wings, and glared at Doctor Jekyll as he passed by. “Why?” he whispered. Doctor Jekyll stopped and glanced back at the griffon. Gerald scrunched his eyes closed and stifled a sob. “Why is this happening…? Why can’t I just be normal…?” Doctor Jekyll nodded slightly and turned away, heading for the infirmary with Marm and Dreams in tow. Two other orderlies rushed into the room after them. I leaned back in my cushion and whistled. “Wow…” I glanced at Starshine and Broom, both of who looked just as shaken as I felt. “Well shit.” murmured Broom. Starshine nodded. “Ap-aptly put.” ~-~-~-~-~-~-~ There was an earsplitting scream from just outside my door. My eyes snapped open. The pegasi foals on my ceiling were staring back at me. Oh, how I hated that painting. I sighed and closed my eyes again, pressing my hooves to my ears to block out the scream and hoped that I could manage to return to my nap that was so rudely interrupted. But after several moments of tossing and turning, I couldn’t find sleep again. With a defeated groan, I yawned and sat up, slipping the covers off me. Out of habit, my eyes immediately drifted to the clock on the wall. Four o’clock. Just enough time to go down to the Rec Room and see if anything was going on before dinner. I slid out of bed and stretched, my joints popping. I ran a hoof through my hair, arranging it as best as I could without a mirror. My eyes wandered over my coat, making sure every gray hair was in place and perfect. I smoothed down a few unruly strands and opened my door. A few of the nurses in the hall smiled at me as I walked down the ever bland, white walls of Fletcher’s Memorial, making sure I was going somewhere approved. Some of the more stable and responsible patients had some limited freedoms, like be able to walk between their room and the Rec Room during free time. I strolled down the halls, silently praying that I wouldn’t get lost again and waved at Featherhead as I passed him. He grinned like an idiot and was scolded by the nurse that was talking to him. A few minutes later, I rounded a corner and came upon a completely hallway. While not out of the question, it was certainly slightly disconcerting to see an entirely silent, empty hallway in the asylum. Of course, it didn’t stay silent for long. I was about halfway down the hall, when a group of five orderlies pushing a cart with a pink stallion strapped to it rushed around the corner in front of me. As they neared me, the pink stallion noticed me and immediately began to struggle against the leather straps that bound him to the gurney. “Help!” he shouted. “Please, help me!” I stopped. It was the same voice as the stallion Dreams and I had heard on my second day, screaming from behind a door. But, as he passed by, I didn’t move to answer his call for help. Hearing ponies scream for help was just part of a normal day at a mental asylum. Besides, what could I do against five large stallions? I watched in curiosity, but inconspicuously, as the pink stallion and the orderlies stopped just a little behind me, by a door that I would assume to be the same one from before. The stallions left the gurney unattended for a moment as they fumbled with the lock to the door. Seizing the moment, the stallion thrashed in his bonds and craned his neck to look at me. His gray eyes met my pink ones. “You! Yes, you! You can help me! Get me out of here! You’ve got to help! You’ve got to! I can’t think straight in here! I’m-I’m-I’m so scared… Please help! Help me! Help me! Help me! Help me!” The pink stallion screamed and his back arched as his entire body tensed. “Oh, so many voices! So many! Why can’t they stop talking!? Why can’t they make them stop?” He locked eyes with me. “You have to help—mmhpff!” One of the orderlies muzzled the stallion’s mouth, silencing him. The stallion’s eyes went wide and he thrashed some more, desperately trying to escape his bonds, but could not. All that could be heard was his muffled cries for help. The door was yanked open with a crash and the orderlies surrounded the stallion, covering his pink body in a sea of light-blue. Through the orderlies, I could still see his gray eyes, wide with terror and panic. And then, just like that, the door slammed shut and the pink stallion was locked in his room. The five orderlies dispersed, without so much as a murmur or a glance in my direction. The hallway was quiet again and I was alone. Rain poured from the heavens, drowning the roads and alleyways. It had been raining nonstop for four days, and many ponies hadn’t left their homes since, preferring the warm and dry over the cold and wet. A streak of lightning shot down from the sky, accompanied by a near-instantaneous burst of thunder. The lightning struck the roof a building, setting it ablaze for a few seconds before the torrential downpour snuffed it out. I approached the door, casting a wary glance in all directions to make sure nopony saw me. I tapped on the door, jumping slightly as the metal made a much louder noise than I had anticipated. “Hello?” I whispered. “A-are you alright…?” Stifled cries and a loud bang were my answers. I backed away from the door and continued to the Rec Room, and tried to put the incident from my mind. There was nothing I could do. ~-~-~-~-~-~-~ There were whispers around the institution. Rumors. Gossip. There was a new pony. The first one to be admitted to Fletcher Memorial Psychiatric Institution in a year and a half. You could hear them talking anywhere you went, buzzing like flies, talking, chatting about the new patient. Nopony knew for sure, of course. One of the more eccentric patients, Door, who was affectionally called “The Lizard King” because of his affection for the reptiles, told Shining Diamond, an older, psychotic stallion who lived across from me, that he had seen a few guards dragging a stallion he had never seen before into Doctor’s office. Soon after that, despite Door’s and Diamond’s less-than-trustworthy reputations, word quickly spread around the hospital that there was a new patient being processed. The doctors and nurses neither refused nor confirmed the reports, but assured us that if there was a new patient, he would be announced to the rest of the hospital later that night, like always. Many of the ponies took that as a sign that somepony new had been hospitalized and acted accordingly. Door, a normally loud, boisterous, angry and unseemly stallion that many chose to ignore because of his violent outbursts, was suddenly swarmed with ever able-bodied patient wanting to know what the new patient looked like. Door’s answers and stories grew more outlandish by the hour, and by the time dinner rolled around, he was explaining how the new patient was a mountain of a stallion who fought off ten royal guards and nearly took down a wall. The crowd Door had accumulated gasped in all the right spots, none of them really giving thought to the fact his story was wildly different several hours ago. I was slightly put off by the wonderment most of the institution showed at the prospect of one new pony. Did one stallion really warrant that much attention? Most of these ponies acted like foals on Hearth’s Warming Day and Nightmare Night combined. I shared my concerns with Marmalade, who, at the time, was trying to calm everypony down because she didn’t believe the management was doing enough to dissuade the rumors. She explained to me, in a slightly exasperated voice, that many of the ponies have been living in Fletcher’s Memorial for years. The longest a pony was committed here, she thought, was forty-seven years, and even a time shorter than that could have any pony starved for a new voice to talk to. When you’re cooped up in the same building for years with the same three hundred or so ponies, nurses, doctors and orderlies, any new pony is something to talk about. For the rest of the patients, the day passed by in a blur of excitement and fervor that I didn’t share. My day trudged by slowly and excruciatingly uneventfully. I suppose, as I was technically the newest pony in the hospital, from my amnesiac perspective at least, that I was not as excited about meeting another insane pony who could not fit in with society. Eventually, dinnertime came and went, and we were all called into our seldom-used auditorium for a special announcement. To say nopony was particularly eager would be an understatement. After a half an hour of the nurses getting us all into our seats and calming us down, the lights dimmed. Doctor Doctor trotted out on stage, a forced grin on his face. “Well,” he said, “as I’m sure most of you are aware by now, we do indeed have a new patient with us.” A loud cheer. “Yes, well, now, if you should see him around the next few days, it would behoove you to show the upmost respect for him, as we do with every new patient.” “What’s his name, Doc?” shouted a mare somewhere in the crowd. Doctor nodded. “His name is Smile, and I’m sure quite a few of you will recognize him. He is quite the celebrity. But, he is just a normal pony, and he is here to be healed, just like the rest of you. Please don’t swarm him, if you see him.” He paused. “If any of the nurses see you fawning over him too much, you will be reprimanded. Do you understand?” “Yes, Doctor Doctor.” intoned all of us, agreeing to his request. Doctor smiled. “Good. Now,” he glanced offstage, “Smile, would you like to come out and say hello?” There was a faint, mumbling conversation in the wings of the stage and then nothing happened. Doctor smiled and beckoned for Smile to join him. A pair of eyes peeked around the curtains, followed by the rest of a pony. A light-blue, overweight unicorn stumbled onto stage and stared out into the crowd. The patients broke out into a quiet mumble. After a moment, Doctor cleared his throat. “Now, why don’t you say hello, Smile?” Smile visibly trembled and pursed his lips together but didn’t say anything. He looked up at Doctor and shook his head. Doctor nodded and looked back at us. “You all can go to bed. I’m sure the lot of you are tired. Listen to your nurses and make your way back to your rooms. I’ll be seeing you all around.” The assembled patients mumbled amongst themselves. Starshine leaned over and whispered in my ear, “It-it’s exciting, isn’t it-tuh? The na-ame smuh-Smile seems to r-r-ring a few bells, doesn’t it? Was-wasn’t he a mu-mmhm-musci-musician or-or some-some-s-something? M-maybe he’ll j-j-j-join th-the band-d!” I chuckled. “I don’t really know who he is. I can’t remember.” Starshine’s eyes shot open. “Ooo-ohh-hoho right. S-suh-sssorry, Gray…” “Don’t worry about it. I’m used to not remembering anything by now. It’s fine.” “N-no it’s not. I’m your b-b-best f-friend. I shouldn’t-t… I shhhh-shouldn’t… I should—shouldn’t, s-sh-shouldn’t…” His ears flattened against his head. I tried to place a comforting hoof on his shoulder, but he moved away, whimpering. I withdrew my hoof and smiled. “Hey, it’s okay. Don’t worry.” “Me? I never worry.” He tried to laugh, but ended up coughing like he was choking on his own tongue. I nodded solemnly. “I know, Star.” I glanced back up at the stage. “I know.” ~-~-~-~-~-~-~ The next day, Smile quietly slinked into the music room. Nopony noticed him at first; we were all too busy caught up in our own music to hear the near-silent click of the door and the new stallion’s timid hoofsteps on the floor. Broom was the first to realize he was there. He was next to me, watching in amusement as I tried to play some sort of music on the trombone and failed miserably. I was never too good with any brass instrument; never had the lungs for it. Broom nudged me and pointed in the direction of the door. I followed his hoof over and finally saw the small, terrified pale blue stallion. He looked as if he was trying to melt into the floor. I set the trombone down on a table and walked over to him. “Hey,” I said. “Aren’t you Smile?” The nod of his head was barely noticeable. I chuckled. “Welcome to the music department, Smile. My name is Gray.” I held out a hoof, but Smile shrank back, as if I was going to hurt him. I set my hoof back down. “Hey, hey. It’s fine. I’m not gonna hurt you.” He slowly stood up and bit his lip, as if he was deciding to say something or not. His eyes scanned the room and the ponies in it, as if he was evaluating them. He opened his mouth. “Do-do y-you not know who I am?” he asked. I shrugged. “Not really. I mean, I heard some ponies talk, but I never really listened. I, uhh… I have amnesia. Can’t remember anything before the day I woke up ten and a half months ago.” I grimaced. “Who were you, on the outside, I mean?” He flinched at my words. “I…” He took a deep breath. “I was in a b-band. I-I was the lead singer… T-The Beach Colts. I… I… Uhh…” “And one of the doctors suggested that you should look into joining the band, right?” Smile nodded. “He-he said that musical therapy might help me, or, or, or something. I don’t know. I was just dropped off here by a nurse…” “Well, how about I introduce you to the rest of the band, alright? That sound good?” He whimpered. “I-I guess so…” I motioned for him to walk forward. “Great! I just know you’ll love it here.” “Wait.” He was looking at my flanks. “Your-your cutie mark… it’s… It’s…” He trailed off, confusion painfully evident on his face. I inched forward. “What about it? Y-you can see it?” He nodded. “Of course I can see it… But it’s…” “What? What?” He blinked and looked away. “N-nothing. I… I was just confused…” His eyes didn’t meet mine. “I don’t know what I was thinking. Sorry…” I sighed and forced a smile onto my face. “It’s fine. Now let’s go introduce you.” ~-~-~-~-~-~-~ “Thank you for joining me this afternoon Gray. I understand you were in the middle of something.” Doctor greeted me as I walked into his office. He was seated behind his desk and gestured to a chair opposite him. I sat down. “It wasn’t any trouble. I was playing some poker with Broom and a few others. We can pick it up later.” Doctor smiled. “Ah, good. How is Broom doing, by the way? I haven’t had seen much of him since Hearth’s Warming. He avoids me as much as possible. He’s paranoid, you know.” I shrugged. “He’s doing fine. Same as ever, I guess.” Doctor glanced down at some papers on his desk. “Good, good… I’m glad. He’s so quiet. It’s hard to help him when he doesn’t say anything.” “Mhmm…” I absentmindedly scuffed my hoof on the floor. Doctor looked back at me and straightened the cuff of his sleeve. “And how are you doing Gray? Nothing new in the memory department, or…?” There was a crack in the northeast corner of the ceiling that ran all the way to the middle of the room and underneath the light fixture. Paint flaked around its borders, revealing the ugly drywall underneath and even the rafters beyond that. “No. There’s been nothing.” I sighed and leaned back. “I wish I could remember, Doc, but nothing has changed since I woke up the first time. My first memories are of those pegasi foals on my ceiling.” Doctor nodded and jotted something down. He flipped a page over and wrote on the back. “Speaking of which, I think that next month will be a year since you woke up with amnesia. Time sure flies, doesn’t it?” “I just wish I could remember something. It’s been almost a year and I still have to have things explained to me. It’s depressing…” Doctor stood up. “Well, your past is part of the reason I called you in here today, Gray.” He stood up and trotted by me, motioning for me to follow, which I did. “Now, two months ago, Dreams came and told me that you wished to see your parents? You remember something like that?” A grin forced itself onto my face and I nodded vigorously. Ever since Hearth’s Warming, and my parent’s lack of a present or any acknowledgement of my existence since then, I felt certain that maybe meeting them would jumpstart my memories. They were the strongest bond I had to my past, and if they didn’t trigger something, I wasn’t sure what would. “Well,” continued Doctor, “I contacted them shortly after that, and I got a reply just a few weeks ago. They were eager to see you, but couldn’t get time off for some time.” He placed a hoof on my back. “That day is today, Gray. You’ll get to re-meet your parents today.” “Yes!” I shouted, hugging Doctor. “Oh thank you, Doc. I can’t believe you did it! Haha!” Doctor smiled, ruffled my mane and pushed me off of him. “Now, I know you’re excited, Gray, but you have to control yourself. Your parents haven’t seen you in a long, long time and we don’t want them scared off, do we? I took a deep breath and relaxed. Doctor was right. This would be the first time I would meet my parents since the amnesia and, by the sound of it, the first time they had seen me in years. I had to make a good impression on them, so they could see how sane I was. I was their son. I had a family. I couldn’t mess this up, I just couldn’t. Doctor strode back over to his desk. “Now, they’ll be up in a few minutes, so let’s both relax in the meantime, and we’ll go over a few things, alrighty?” His horn flared with magic and the record player in the corner crackled to life. “…We’ll meet again, Don’t know where, don’t know when, But I know we’ll meet again, some sunny day. Keep smiling through, Just the way you used to do, ‘Till the blue skies chase those dark clouds far away…” “Now, Gray,” Doctor said as I trod back over to his desk, “I’ve already explained your memory loss and your… errr… penchant for being called Gray, to your parents, so that shouldn’t be a problem. Now, I’ve asked them to come in one at a time, as to not overwhelm you, in the event begin to remember something. Your mother should be the first in, followed shortly by your father… I think that—” There was a knock at the door. “Ah. That must be them.” Doctor clutched my hoof supportively and turned towards the door. “Come in!” he called. For a moment, there was silence. I stared at the door with bated breath, still finding it hard to grasp that I was about to meet my parents. The door handle rattled and clicked. The door swung open agonizingly slowly. A nervous-looking blue mare stepped into the room. Her eyes swept around the room before finally landing on me. She smiled. I took a hesitant step forward. “M-mom…?” She nodded, her lips pressed into a thin line as tears began to gather up in the corner of her eyes. “G-Gray? You—you look so grownup! I-I-I…” I rushed forward, but stopped just in front of her. I looked at the mare, not a single flicker of recognition cropping up in my mind. “Is-is it really you, Mom? Are you really—” “Yes, son.” she interrupted. “Yes, it’s me.” She held out her forehooves, inviting me into her embrace. ”Oh, come here… Come here…” I took her invitation and collapsed into her hug. I wasn’t sure when I began crying, but I was bawling in her arms like a little filly... “Oh mmhm-Mo-om. Mom, I-I duh-don’t re-remember y-you! I-I…” “Shh…” she said through her own tears. “Sshhhh. It’s alright, Pi—Gray. Everything’s al-alright. I’m here. I’m here. Shh…. Ss-sshh… It’s alright. I love you Gray. I love you.” “I… I l-love you too, Mom… I… I can’t r-remember. I can’t—” She pushed me out of her arms and looked at me, as if trying to memorize every feature on my face. “Oh son, it’s been too long. It’s been so long… You’ve grown up so much…” I couldn’t help but smile. My mother was right in front of me. It was… so comforting. It hardly even mattered that I couldn’t remember her. With a shaky hoof, I dried my eyes. “Mom, c-can you t-tell me something…?” “What?” she whispered. Overhead, an albatross hung motionless above the clouds. Waves crashed against the rocky shore, spraying a cool mist into the air that did little to alleviate the scorching heat. The albatross flapped its wings and settled down on a nearby tree branch and looked out over the ocean. “What?” she asked again, her eyes filled with worry. “I-I-I-I…” I shook my head. “C-can you tell me a story fr-from my foalhood? Anything that might… jog my memory?” Her expression softened and she glanced behind me for a second. “Of course, Gray, of course… Let me just…” She paused, lost in thought. “Ah!” Another smile spread across her face. “When you were just a foal, no more than two years old, your father and I took you to a zoo. Oh, you were so happy, looking at all the animals, but you especially liked the tigers. You stood there for well over two hours, just watching them. “But then… but then, the tigers broke free. Some employee didn’t lock the gates right, and the tigers stormed the zoo. Everypony ran scared, but you wanted to see the tigers up close and wandered away from us. You approached one and you and a 700-pound tiger stood face to face. It lunged at you in the blink of an eye, and if-if it wasn’t for your father’s quick thinking, you would’ve died in that tiger’s stomach…” Before I could respond, Doctor coughed from somewhere behind us. “Yes, now, well, I think that now would be a good time to let your father in. He’s been waiting out in the foyer for several minutes now and I think he’d like to come in and see his son, don’t you, Gray?” I nodded and Doctor’s horn shone and the door swung open, revealing the shadowy form of my dad. “You can come in now.” Doctor said. The stallion stepped into the room, but my mom was blocking my view of the door. My dad cleared his throat and spoke up. “…Hello son.” Almost immediately, I felt as if something was off about his voice, almost as if he had to force it out of his mouth. I peered around my mom to see a stallion of a similar coat color staring at me, a smile unnaturally stretched across his muzzle. “Dad…?” I blinked. He smiled harder, wider. “It’s me, son. Aren’t you happy to see your dad?” I looked at him. “You-you’re my dad?” He took a step forward. “Of course I am, Pink.” I breathed out and the room pulsated. “No… no... You’re not—you’re not my dad! He-he... he’s not… you’re not.” My eyes darted to the portrait of Fletcher hanging on the wall and back to the stallion. “You can’t be my dad!” The stallion almost looked genuinely saddened. “I am. It’s-It’s me, your father…” He took another step forward, his smile growing even wider. My legs felt leaden and stiff. “NO!” I scrambled backwards, away from him, away from my mom. My vision flashed white. “Stay back! Don’t come near me!” My mom looked worried. She approached me, her voice low. “Gray, what are you doing? It’s your father. He loves you very much. We love you—” “No!” I snarled. “No, he’s not my dad! He can’t be! He can’t!” “Son…” The stallion took another step forward. I watched on in horror as his eyes began to roll back into his head and his ever-growing smile grew too big for his face and split his skin, revealing the white skull underneath. “Don’t be like this…” He took another step forward and blood poured from his mouth. My skin felt as if it was on fire. “STAY BACK!” I backpedaled into Doctor’s desk, nearly toppling it over. “I don’t want you! YOU’RE NOT MY DAD! YOU CAN’T BE!” My mom hurried over to me, reaching out to me. But she began to change too. Her limbs stretched and her joints snapped and separated, all her bones rolling loose in her skin. “Gray… Why can’t he be your father? He is. He is… He’s my husband and your father.” She reached out with her hoof, her foreleg bent at an unnatural angle. Darkness began to cloud the edges of my vision. I swatted at her hoof, if I could call it that anymore, feeling the skin collapse under my touch and growled at her. “YOU STAY AWAY TOO! YOU’RE WITH HIM! YOU’RE WITH HIM!” The creature drew back her hoof and tried to take a step forward, but collapsed to the floor. Her head twisted completely around and glared at me. I screamed and scrambled away, but never seemed to get any further. Doctor appeared in front of my eyes, but it wasn’t Doctor. He shot up, tripling in size, until he was looming over me. His back, now covered in sharp spines, scrapped against the ceiling and he regarded me with pupil-less eyes. A long tongue flicked out of his mouth, winding its way around my body. “Gray,” his booming voice reverberated around the room. “Gray, if you don’t calm down, I’ll have to restrain you. Gray, do you hear me…?” “Can’t you help him Doctor?!” “Gray, can you hear me?” I whimpered and closed my eyes. Voices mashed together. Thoughts swirled. Everything was so loud. So many voices. “Gray, are you in there…?” “Gray, are you there…? “Gray, are you Pink?” “Pink?” Pink? Pink. Rose. Gray. Coat. Blue. Water. Green. Grass. Orange. Fire. Purple. Flower. Red. Blood. Yellow. Sun. Black. Darkness. White. Bricks. White. Light. Blinding lights in the crowd. A building on fire. Endless gravestones. A bottomless ravine. An empty recording studio. A kiss on the lips. A picture of a family. Rain falling from the sky. Screams in the night. Desks in a classroom. Two stallions at the door. A box on the floor. Pink on the floor. Have to forget. Can’t remember. Have to remember. Can’t forget. Warmth. Terror. Light. Pain. Love. Fear. Hate. Hate. Hate. So much hate. So much hate. So much. So many. So many voices. I screamed and clutched my head, my entire body convulsing. There were so many things. So many things. So many things. So many things. So many things. So many things. So many. So many voices. I couldn’t take it. My head felt as it was fit to burst. I couldn’t even find the strength to open my eyes, though I’m not sure I even wanted to, lest I see those abominations that used to be Doctor and my parents. They were talking, I think. I could hear them over the incessant chatter in my head. I could hear the thing that used to be Doctor saying something, but I didn’t know what, because I couldn’t hear anything over the screams. I felt. I felt them. I could feel. “He’s not my father, he’s not my father, he’s not my father, he’s not my father, he’s not my father, he’s not my father…” I clutched at my hindlegs, wrapping myself into the fetal position. I rocked back and forth, tears streaming down my face. I couldn’t form coherent thoughts. “He’s not my father, he’s not my father, he’s not my father, he’s not my father, he’s not my father, he’s not my father, he’s not my father, he’s not my father, he’s not my father, he’s not my father, he’s not my father, he can’t be my father…” “Why not? Why can’t he be your father?” “…BECAUSE HE’S DEAD!” But I know we’ll meet again, some sunny day... Hey, do you wanna cup of coffee? …Hey? Do you want a cup of coffee? Yeah, okay, you take cream or sugar? …Alright. That’ll be right out to you, sweetheart. Well, only got about an hour of daylight left. Better get started... It’ll be a lot less safe to stay here. He’ll pick up the trail before long. I know. I know. I’ll be back, don’t worry… It was just a momentary lapse of reason. I assure that it will never happen again… I’m sorry sir, I didn’t mean to startle you. I was wondering about the message. Yes. I know. I’ll have to find out from her what time she wants to meet us… And if you add some paprika and marmalade to the sauce, it really spices it up and compliments the salad quite nicely… And now, for the weather. Tomorrow will be cloudy with scattered showers spreading in from the east, with an expected high of eighty-four degrees… I don’t know where, don’t know when, but I know we’ll meet again some sunny day… Fuck you! Fuck you and your opinion! I don’t need any of this shit! I could be working on my own! I’m just as a part of this band as the rest of you! Alright, I’ll take care of them, part of the time at least, but there’s something else that needs to be looked at. Well, we’ve been waiting. Waiting to clean up the city, on your word sir… Oh, my dear, what has become of you…? And I tell ya, if ya don’t keep an eye on ‘em an’ a firm grip, they can get wild, an’ before ya know it, your wife is off with some other bloke, ya know? It’s the truth. Unfortunate truth, but the truth… It hit the top of the charts! No, I know! It’s great! Oh… sure. I’ll get on that right away, but first, let me congratulate on another hit, Pink. Now, that’s great, but don’t you think that… No? Alright. You’re the boss, Pink. By the way, which one of you is Pink? What do you think, Pink? Pink, don’t do that! Absolute rubbish, Pink! Good to see you Pink. Pink, I think I really do love you. What do you want to do tonight Pink? Ooohh… Pink… Keep doing that… Oohhhhhhohooo… Oohhhh yes… So, Pink, tell us a little about yourself. Oh, Pink, of course I’ll marry you! Hey, aren’t you Pink? Pink, look over there. Pink, look over here. Pink, look down. Pink, look up. Pink, wake up. Wake up, Pink. Wake up. Wake up. Pink. Pink… Oh, Pink… Oh, Pink… Oh, Gray… Wake up, Gray. Please wake up, Gray… Please… I love you…